My 50-Year-Old Husband Wants to Be a DJ

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. John DeLoney Show – "My 50-Year-Old Husband Wants to Be a DJ"

Release Date: June 30, 2025
Host: Dr. John DeLoney
Hosted By: Ramsey Network
Description: The Dr. John DeLoney Show is a caller-driven program offering real talk on relationships and mental health challenges. Listeners are encouraged to send questions via voicemail or email to be featured on the show.

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Episode Overview

In the episode titled "My 50-Year-Old Husband Wants to Be a DJ," Dr. John DeLoney delves deep into the complexities of marital relationships strained by significant lifestyle changes and trust issues. The episode features two heartfelt calls from listeners seeking guidance: Jane grapples with her husband's desire to pursue a career as a DJ after years of financial independence, while Blair contends with integrating her long-term boyfriend's adult son into their lives. Additionally, Elizabeth seeks advice on disclosing her biological family's absence to her children. Throughout the episode, Dr. DeLoney provides insightful analysis, empathetic support, and practical advice to navigate these challenging situations.

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First Listener Call: Jane’s Marital Dilemma

Caller: Jane from Denver, Colorado
Topic: Husband's transition to DJing and its impact on their marriage

Summary:

Jane, a 54-year-old woman married for five years, reaches out with concerns about her 50-year-old husband’s newfound passion for DJing. Despite their financial independence, Jane feels that the DJ lifestyle is incompatible with her own life and what she initially envisioned for their marriage.

Key Discussion Points:

• Husband’s Passion vs. Marital Stability: Jane explains that her husband, a Special Forces veteran with a history of substance abuse and a subsequent arrest related to a sting operation, wishes to reignite his DJ career—a path Jane finds unsettling and contrary to their established lifestyle.

  Jane (00:20): "My husband wants to go DJ, and it just is a lifestyle that is not at all compatible with mine. Not what I signed up for in this marriage."

• Trust and Honesty Issues: Dr. DeLoney probes into the underlying trust issues, referencing Jane’s concerns about her husband's honesty, especially regarding minor matters like vaping, which she perceives as indicative of broader deceit.

  Dr. John DeLoney (05:27): "Because you can go to bed at 9 o'clock and he could leave and you won't even know he's gone... What is the thing you're really worried about?"

• Boundary Setting vs. Acceptance: The conversation evolves into whether Jane should set firm boundaries or consider leaving the marriage. Dr. DeLoney emphasizes the importance of Jane owning her feelings of fear and mistrust rather than masking them with surface-level issues.

  Dr. John DeLoney (15:29): "You have two choices. You can leave or you can say, this is the person I married and I'm going to do what I can to not put them in positions where they feel like they have to be dishonest."

• Conclusion: Dr. DeLoney advises Jane to confront the core trust issues surrounding her husband's honesty and to either set clear boundaries or consider ending the relationship to preserve her well-being.

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Second Listener Call: Blair’s Relationship with Boyfriend’s Adult Son

Caller: Blair from Phoenix, Arizona
Topic: Navigating relationship dynamics with boyfriend’s 30-year-old unemployed son

Summary:

Blair, who has been in a long-term (10-year) relationship with her boyfriend, faces uncertainty about integrating her boyfriend’s nearly 30-year-old son, Carter, who remains unemployed and dependent. Blair is concerned about the long-term implications on her relationship and future plans, particularly regarding boundaries and mutual respect.

Key Discussion Points:

• Impact of Adult Dependence: Blair expresses anxiety over Carter’s lack of independence and how it affects her relationship with her boyfriend, Jack.

  Blair (19:44): "He has an adult son that lives with him, and the son is unemployed, has never finished high school... I keep wondering, what's going to go on now."

• Respect and Values Misalignment: Dr. DeLoney identifies a fundamental misalignment in values and respect between Blair and Jack, highlighting the challenges of building a relationship without shared core values.

  Dr. John DeLoney (23:03): "You love this guy, but you don't respect him as far as you can see him."

• Setting Boundaries: The discussion emphasizes the necessity for Blair to establish clear boundaries to maintain her peace and prevent Carter’s dependence from undermining her relationship.

  Dr. John DeLoney (26:00): "If you're not going to change anything about him, the only thing you can do for yourself is be honest about it and set boundaries."

• Decision Point: Blair is encouraged to assess whether staying in the relationship aligns with her personal values and future goals, with Dr. DeLoney outlining the potential consequences of both staying and leaving.

  Dr. John DeLoney (29:14): "If you're aligned on values and how you treat people, these big issues can be managed."

• Conclusion: Dr. DeLoney advises Blair to deeply evaluate her feelings, establish boundaries, and consider whether the relationship is sustainable given the existing challenges with Carter.

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Third Listener Call: Elizabeth’s Disclosure of Biological Family

Caller: Elizabeth from Savannah, Georgia
Topic: When and how to inform her children about her lack of biological parents

Summary:

Elizabeth seeks guidance on disclosing to her young children (ages 6 and 8) that the grandparents they’ve known are not her biological parents. Having discovered her biological father through a DNA test and grappling with her tumultuous relationship with her biological mother, Elizabeth is concerned about the emotional impact on her children and how to approach the conversation.

Key Discussion Points:

• Personal Background: Elizabeth shares her history of abuse from her biological mother, resulting in her father obtaining custody and raising her. She only recently discovered her biological father through a DNA test.

  Elizabeth (37:17): "I just wanted to talk to you about how do I, how and when is a good time to tell my kids that the grandparents that they've grown up with their whole lives are not my biological parents."

• Emotional Burden and Family Cycles: Dr. DeLoney connects Elizabeth’s struggles to breaking negative family cycles and emphasizes her role in creating a healthier environment for her children.

  Dr. John DeLoney (37:03): "Your relationship with your mom wasn't healthy... She didn't protect you, and that's her one freaking job."

• Communicating with Children: The conversation explores effective strategies for Elizabeth to communicate this sensitive information to her children, ensuring they understand they are loved and supported.

  Dr. John DeLoney (47:17): "You are a great freaking mom. And none of this has been your fault. You are here to break a cycle of an entire family system."

• Integration of Biological Family: Elizabeth discusses her cautious approach to reaching out to her biological father and the potential implications for her existing family structure.

  Elizabeth (42:08): "I feel like I was betraying my dad if I reached out to this biological family."

• Conclusion: Dr. DeLoney offers Elizabeth compassionate advice on embracing her role as a strong mother, fostering open communication with her children, and navigating the complexities of her expanded family dynamics.

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Notable Quotes

• Jane:

  [00:20] "My husband wants to go DJ, and it just is a lifestyle that is not at all compatible with mine."

• Dr. DeLoney:

  [05:27] "You have two choices. You can leave or you can say, this is the person I married and I'm going to do what I can to not put them in positions where they feel like they have to be dishonest."

• Blair:

  [19:44] "I keep wondering, what's going to go on now."

• Dr. DeLoney:

  [26:00] "If you're not going to change anything about him, the only thing you can do for yourself is be honest about it and set boundaries."

• Elizabeth:

  [37:17] "I just wanted to talk to you about how do I, how and when is a good time to tell my kids that the grandparents that they've grown up with their whole lives are not my biological parents."

• Dr. DeLoney:

  [47:17] "You are a great freaking mom. And none of this has been your fault. You are here to break a cycle of an entire family system."

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Insights & Conclusions

This episode underscores the intricate balance between personal passions, trust, and the foundational values that sustain relationships. Whether it's navigating a partner's career ambitions, integrating family members, or addressing deep-seated family histories, Dr. DeLoney emphasizes the necessity of honest communication, boundary setting, and self-awareness. The conversations highlight that preserving one’s well-being often necessitates difficult decisions and confronting uncomfortable truths to foster healthy, respectful, and fulfilling relationships.

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Note: Advertisements and promotional segments from the transcript have been omitted to focus solely on the content-driven discussions.

Transcript

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Big news. New dates for money and marriage Getaway just dropped for Valentine's Day weekend, 2026. Get [e-mail] events to get away with your spouse in Nashville, Tennessee.

[Jane]

I'm in a bit of a catch 22. My husband, I've been married about five years now, he wants to go DJ, and it just is a lifestyle that is not at all compat with mine. Not what I signed up for in this marriage.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So I want to call bull crap on that. But I think there's a deeper thing here. What up, what up, what up? This is John with the Dr. John DeLoney show, taking your calls on relationships and marriage and mental and emotional health, whatever you got going on in your life. So grateful that you're with us. Go to johndalony.com/a S K to fill out the question, let us know what's going on in your life, and we will get you on the show. Let's go to Denver, Colorado and talk to not so plain Jane. What's up, Jane?

[Jane]

Hi.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What do you say, lady?

[Jane]

Hey. Thank you for taking my question.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Of course. What's going on? Tell me about it.

[Jane]

Well, I'm. Well, I'm in a bit of a catch 22 with my husband. I've been married about five years, my second marriage. Turning 50 this year. I'll be 54.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And you say he's turning 50 and you're turning 54?

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Jane]

Yeah. And we're, we've been working pretty hard these past five years to become financially independent, which we have. And now he wants to go dj, and it just is a lifestyle that just is not at all compatible with mine. Not what I signed up for in this marriage.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He wants to go dj?

[Jane]

Like, yeah, yeah. Well, he's very talented and he did that when he was younger. And then he got somebody pregnant and he went to the military and he did 20 years in the military, and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It'S time to get out the turntables and crack it back open, Jane.

[Jane]

Yeah, I mean, it's his passion. And I'm not one to, you know, I'm very much about a purpose driven life. And if that's his purpose, I don't, you know, it's not me to deter him from that, but it just doesn't work for my life. I wasn't into the clubs and bars when I was 25.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, so what, what kind of. Ugh, this is a sticky one. So what kind of DJing is it? Like.

[Jane]

Does he just drum and bass? Vinyl. He does vinyl DJing, which is more like an art form. What he does is more like art. Yeah, it's not like, you know. Yeah. It's. He is. He's truly talented.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So he's not doing, like, wedding music and he's not DJing, like. Like Bob and Janet getting remarried. He's not doing that. He's not. He's not like, doing house part Indian May parties. He's like.

[Jane]

He's DJing, like, venues, I guess they want to sign him up for a resident dj, a new club and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Jane]

But he wants to play, like, big festivals. He must actually produce music. You know, I think he's very talented.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. So. But. But there is. There's. I don't mean this in a negative way. In many facets. This is a young man's game.

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You stay up all night, you sleep all day, and a few people make a jillion dollar doing this. And I'm sure there's people that make a living doing it, but. Yeah, whatever, Whatever. Whatever. There's a deeper issue here, because it's not that. Because I hear you saying that he's good at this. That probably. Probably. Jane, this is one of the things that drew you to him. Maybe not his actual DJing in a club, but the fact that he's an artist and he's a creator and he's like, sees things and experiences things in the world that other people don't. That's probably why you fell in love with him, right?

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Jane]

He's a very, very passionate individual, and he's someone that does something 100%. He was Special Forces. He's done, like, eight combat tours. You know, he's just. He. When he does something, he doesn't mess around.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so there's a part of you that thinks, oh, this is going to work out.

[Blair]

Well.

[Jane]

Yeah. Yeah. Do I think in terms of. For him? Yes. I can see that. If he really puts his passion behind it and, you know, his. His focus to it. Yes. First of all, he doesn't look 50. We both are really into our health. At least that was one of the big things that drew me to him. He's let that go because now the music. But it's not for the money. He doesn't want to do it for the money.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He has seen things. No, he is trying to extract the last two decades, every drop out of the last two decades. He has.

[Jane]

Yeah, I get that. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But I want to go back to something you said. You said this is not compatible. Compatible with my lifestyle. So I want to call bull Crap on that. But I think there's a deeper thing here. So give me the real real.

[Jane]

Well, that's, you know, part of it is on the surface.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, no, give me not the part. Give me the real real. Because you can go to bed at 9 o' clock and he could leave and you won't even know he's gone. Special Forces, dude. I. I was just a goofball and I used to leave the house to go to crisis calls and go clean body parts up and I'd come home and my wife hadn't even moved and I get back in the same bed. So that could happen. What is the thing you're really worried about?

[Jane]

Okay, well, I didn't want to open this can of worms.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know, but you called me.

[Jane]

He got arrested six months after we got married.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. For what?

[Jane]

Okay, he. Well, he had a problem that he had been under treatment for like a year before I met him.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You said a coke problem?

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Jane]

He had a substance abuse problem and he had a relapse after the six months he got arrested for trying to hook up with the 14 year old.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Jane]

So he was. Been on probation for the majority of our marriage.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Jane]

And I told him I was one chance, you know, I can deal with a lot. And I even reconciled everything in my mind in terms of. I understand that these people operate without boundaries. They are trained to operate without any sort of boundaries. And I know the environments that he was living in. So it's not that he was going after a 14 year old. It was a sting operation. And I understand, I know they put up the picture, make them look like they're a lot older and they trap them.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's a whole. That's a whole other conversation.

[Jane]

Yeah, then that's what I'm saying. So he did a lot of work during that time, a lot of therapy. I mean, he was forced to anyways, but he had, he was already in therapy before, before the arrest. And he's done a lot of self improvement. And yeah, my fear is that he's going to be. He is in an environment where there's a lot of triggers. And the reality is. And it took years to rebuild the trust, but it wasn't that difficult because he was on probation. He couldn't go anywhere.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So let's stop. You've used the word he about 40 times. Let's stop doing that.

[Jane]

Okay?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Let's take full ownership of what's inside your chest.

[Jane]

I felt safe during that time because.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He was home, you know, Because.

[Jane]

Yeah, because. Yes, the wasn't much he could do. So we were always together. He couldn't go anywhere. But. And, and there was, like I said he was going to therapy like three times a week.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You married? And I say this, I've got friends in Special force. You married a wild animal, a very highly trained animal.

[Jane]

Yeah. And I get that. And, you know, and that, and that obviously makes me feel safe on. Of course it does.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You loved. You loved that ability he had, but you really loved it in the imposed cages that you found him.

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And now that cage has been lifted.

[Jane]

Yeah, now that cage has been lifted. And so we did build a lot of trust. And to be honest, John, I'm not a jealous person. I'm not a possessive person.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, you're a scared person.

[Jane]

Yeah. Yes. Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that's okay. It's okay. But you gotta own it. You gotta own it.

[Jane]

Yeah. I'm. I'm afraid that. I'm afraid of his dishonesty.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Jane]

I can handle a lot. Be honest. I mean, even if we say, okay, you know what we'll do, open marriage while you're doing this, but just be honest. Just tell me. So after all these years of building this trust, I fully was trusting on my head, like the past go. You know, I find out he's lying to me about something so simple, about vaping. You know, when I asked him, it's like, you know, just. Just tell me exactly. Smell it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What happens? Hold on, hold on. What happens when he, when he tells you the truth? Can you hold it?

[Jane]

What happened when you told me the truth?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

In any situation, what happens when he tells you the truth about a thing he knows you're not going to agree with? Do you go, oh, you, and you're vaping? Or do you say, you know, you're not supposed to do that. It's not good for you. It's just going to lead. Can you hold his truth?

[Jane]

Yeah. No. What I do. I. You know, I had even told him before, I said, look, if you need to vape, I get that there's worse things you could. You could do. Just. Just be honest about it and don't do it in front of my son. I don't want him vaping in front of my son. And because I have a 12 year old, and the first time he denied it, it was maybe a year ago, and then he came clean and he said, yeah, it was my vape. And I. And I said, you know, I really appreciate you being honest. That was that. That was that. Okay. And the second time, I didn't See anything. But we did do a therapy session, and this was brought up. And it's, it's the, It's. I told him, look, it's, it all ties into his D day, you know, his night life. That. It's.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I don't, I don't think that is. I think that's a proxy.

[Jane]

I feel like you just destroyed the foundation of the trust we just spent years rebuilding.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Not true. Because the trust wasn't real.

[Jane]

If you can't be honest about the vaping, how can you be honest about something big? When I. Look, man, I am the coolest chick when it comes to that. You. You, you know, you had a moment of weakness. Fine. Just tell me about it. Just don't. It's the dishonesty. Don't be blindsided. When I got. I mean, we were having sex like, you know, four or five times a day, and he does this. It's like, oh, the blind side. This is my marriage.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's it right there.

[Jane]

Deal with the blind side.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But that's it right there.

[Jane]

Humiliating.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That. That's it. Own that.

[Jane]

But you know that. We talked about that in depth.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know. Hold on. But you. But the question you asked is, I don't like this lifestyle. It's not true.

[Jane]

Well, that's a whole other thing.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. But listen, just listen, listen, listen. You love this guy. And in your world, in, in your experience, he blew your world up, and you are internalizing that, that explosion as. What else could I have done? I had sex with him whenever he wanted. I'm cool. I let, I let, I let. But everything is very maternal. Everything is, I'm the one in power here. And I will hold my hands folded across my chest and look at you and say whether you can or can't.

[Jane]

And I hate that. Don't want to be that person.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know. I, I, I get that. I totally get that.

[Jane]

I don't want to be that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know. And I don't want to let him off the horn. I don't want to let him off the hook. That's not the point. He shouldn't be out lying to his wife and shouldn't be, like, getting caught in sting up. That's a whole other call. I don't want to go down that rabbit hole.

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Here's the thing. I think the scariest part of this for you is the trust you thought you built was. It was pseudo at best. It wasn't real. It's like a summer camp when you were stuck On a. On a mountain in the forest, and you meet somebody and you think they're the one. It's not real until you get off the mountain and go back to your regular lives. And then he's not so cute anymore. Or that funny thing he does is a. So no. Right?

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so I think it's being honest about. Dude, you. I heard you talk about him and his artistry and how skilled and talented he is.

[Jane]

I really enjoyed seeing that. I mean, he really shines.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's what I mean. Like, you like that. The thing that is honest here is I don't trust you. And worse than that, you made me feel ashamed.

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I don't think you've fully metabolized that. And you make it about sleep schedules, and you make it about vaping, and you make it about these little bitty lies here. You made me feel ashamed. You made me feel embarrassed.

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Or you made me feel less than. I was sleeping. I was doing all this stuff, and I wasn't enough.

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And in that conversation, you'll have to exhale and realize that the problem that exists here was never you. And that's a scary thing.

[Jane]

I get that. On. You know, I get that on the surface level.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know, but you got to feel that in your bones.

[Jane]

Yeah. What do I do? I don't know.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You have to address that issue, because it's going to become this weird proxy war about staying up too late and playing music, and I don't like that atmosphere.

[Jane]

It's that it keeps me from sleeping, because as soon as it comes, I'm a light sleeper.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Jane]

But I mean, really hard time. Like I said. Okay, I'll get. I'll get.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You know, earplugs are all surface band aids. It's about you being honest and saying I'm not fully over what happened. Yeah, and in the same way you've been trying to convince yourself that we're rebuilding trust here, you didn't. You still don't trust him. And I'm not saying you should. I'm just saying I want you to own what you're actually feeling here.

[Jane]

Well, I thought I did until.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know.

[Jane]

Last incident just made me realize, like, this person just doesn't know how to operate in honesty like he is. He operates. He's a hider. And I can't change that. Like, I have to accept that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You don't have to accept it.

[Jane]

Oh, what do I do? What else do I do? I'm not going to try to change them. I already tried.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, then you have two choices. You can leave or you can say, this is the person I married and I'm going to do what I can to not put them in positions where they feel like they have to be dishonest. But you just choosing to find a particular thing and hit the gas in the mud, the car's just going to spin and spin and spin and spin and spin. All you're going to do is blow out your engine. You're never going to get anywhere.

[Jane]

So it's me who's making him feel he needs to be dishonest.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nope. It's you thinking that you can control that. What you can do is set up boundaries. I don't want to live in the house with somebody that I can't trust, period. Trust to go after 14 year old girls. Trust to tell me the truth about something as stupid as a vape. I don't want to live in that house or I do want to live in this house. And so I'm choosing to live in a house with somebody that doesn't tell me the truth and that there's just going to be an underlying frustration that exists here. It's hard to build a relationship that's not anchored into trust. It's very, very hard if I can't trust you to be anchored in here with me. If you're just a ghost that makes me feel like a, like a balloon with a string cut, just flying in the wind. That's not about DJing. That's about till death do us part. And the only way is to start in this one, is to start at reality. Here's the truth behind the truth behind the truth. And you don't have to go there. It's hard, scary, terrifying. And he might say, I'm not going there. Cool. You get to choose whatever path you want. You're just at a path. You're at a fork in the road. And both paths are hard. Choose your heart. Thanks for the call, Jane. That was a tough, tough, tough one. A woman wonders how to set boundaries with her boyfriend's son. We come back. This show is sponsored by Better Help. Hey. While the world seems like it's falling apart, we're all under pressure to perform and look like we're keeping it all together. We all know that support is good, but many of us don't think we're allowed to ask for it. Women are often told that they have to be everything to everyone all of the time, and somehow they intuitively have to know how to do it all. While men are often told that they are the reason for every bad thing in the world and that asking for help means they are weak or less than. Listen to this. 76% of people across the globe believe that mental health care can help resolve personal problems. Yet 6 out of 10 still believe that society discourages people from asking for help. Real strength comes from opening up about what you're carrying and doing something about it so you can be your best self for you and for everyone else in your life. If you're feeling the weight of the world, talk to someone. Anyone. A friend, a loved one, or yes, a therapist. I talk with a therapist often and you might consider doing it too. And if you're thinking about trying therapy, contact my friends at Better Help. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, so it's affordable and convenient for your schedule. To get started, you just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time, easily and for no extra cost. Talk it out with better help. Visit betterhelp.com DeLoney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com/Deloney Blair in Phoenix, Arizona. What's up, Blair?

[Blair]

Hey Dr. John. Thanks for taking my call.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Of course. What's up?

[Blair]

Hey, so I've got a question. I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 years.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

10 years?

[Blair]

10 years. We don't live together. We started out long distance.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You stayed long distance?

[Blair]

No, a little bit of background. We had a connection to each other when we were younger, like as teenagers and we grew up in the same town. We, our life took different paths. We both got married in long term marriages. We both found ourselves like single, reconnected and you know, built a really awesome relationship, really long distance for about two years into that. Just this is a person that I love very much. I feel like I can talk to him just about most things, just about anything. We get along great.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The.

[Blair]

Situation is, yeah, we are now in the same city. We don't live together. I know that he would like to get married and build a future in terms of like getting married, moving in together, that kind of thing. We work opposite schedules is one thing. So we see each other mostly on weekends.

[Jane]

But.

[Blair]

He has a adult son that, his name's Carter and he lives with his son. They live together and the son is unemployed, has never finished high school. You know, I feel like I keep waiting to see like what's going to happen here Is this person Going to get launched. You know, how would that impact if I have a life with, with Jack, my boyfriend? Like, what is, what's going to happen here? I feel like it's just this sense of anticipation. I keep wondering, like, what's, what's going to go on now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How old is this son?

[Blair]

He is almost 30. Yeah. And this is something that, you know, when I brought up to Jack or he would say, like, as a young child, there was some situation in the schools, in the public school, kind of a poor public school situation that his son had. He was, I think, labeled as a troublemaker as a kid when, you know, I've like kind of given up sort of like suggesting programs or ways to help because I've put out a lot of stuff in the past. But Jack has expressed some disappointment with me in the past that I maybe didn't make more of an effort that, you know, me to kind of like psychoanalyze his son because he's, you know, he said that sometimes kids don't listen to their parents, but perhaps I might have an influence or insight.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Blair, Blair, Blair.

[Blair]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You love this guy, but you don't respect him as far as you can see him. And you thought, yeah, you're watching him out of his own guilt for what he missed when his son was little. You're watching a grown man completely and totally disempowering another grown man.

[Blair]

It's a turn off. You know, when I see that, it's.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

A tremendous turn off. Don't blow by it. Don't blow by it. This is devastating for you because you came out of a long term relationship, a long term marriage. You invested 10 more years and now you're thinking, what is wrong with me?

[Blair]

I feel guilty.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know.

[Blair]

I feel like I have. My problem is the boundaries, you know, and. Yeah, and I don't, I don't know what to do. And I, I'm a parent. I, My, my child didn't go through a picnic either. But you know what launched? Healthy working every day.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sometimes kids don't launch. Sometimes kids have to be thrown.

[Blair]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because if a kid has a weightlifting accident when they're 9 or they're 14, just saying, hey, you never have to go in the weight room again only guarantees that they will never get any stronger. It will not heal what happened when they were 9 or 14. And, and like you said, this is com. It's. This is an embarrassing. It's just so disempowering because every day he's looking at that kid who everyone else said You're a troublemaker. You're this, you're this, you're this. Now his dad is looking at him and saying, I don't believe you can either. I don't believe you can get a job and hold it. I don't believe you can figure out a way to pay rent. I don't believe you can go see a therapist that I'll pay for and you'll actually take your meds for a season. I don't think you can. You just sit there and know that's not attractive. Yes, that's disempowering. Yes, that's incredibly disrespectful to his 30 year old son to think that little of him. But none of that matters. What matters is you said, I don't know what to do. I think you do know what to do. I think you're terrified at the consequences of what you know you're gonna. You, you feel like you need to do.

[Blair]

I feel like, you know, I keep, I. There's been over this long period of time I keep hoping like there's like some coaching going on or you know, like there's not. I, I would rather like don't see me on the weekend. Like let's get. Do something with, you know, to help, to help this, you know, to help Carter, you know, like. Because like this doesn't feel.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's not gonna happen.

[Blair]

It's gonna change.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's not.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Blair]

I don't know what to do.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So just fast forward. You're gonna have a 40 year old grown man living in your house.

[Elizabeth]

And.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You'Ll have a 40 year old man that demands you do his laundry or make his breakfast or whatever. Things get to go on in that house and you're going to have a new partner, a husband that you'll have been with for 20 years at this point telling you we can't go on vacation, we can't go to these things in retirement because son xyz.

[Blair]

Yeah, it does impact a lot of stuff for the future. And I feel like even bringing up the future, like I'm very goal oriented. I keep thinking like maybe in the future, like this is something that we could.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, I know. Did you hear what you're saying though? It's just like you're, I just like want to hug you because you know, and you're not crazy for recognizing life is getting shorter by the day and you're not crazy for looking and seeing. You know how this story ends. This man will do feel.

[Blair]

I feel like a bad person.

[Jane]

Okay.

[Blair]

But I'm, like, judging or something.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, you know, you're just looking at reality. And I don't know where this story in your. In your body came from. That your feelings are somehow the arbiter of truth in the world, but they're not. Feeling's job is not to tell us the truth. It's just to sound alarms.

[Elizabeth]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And your alarms are ringing so loud, you're trying to figure out which door to which exit to run out of or which entrance to run into. And the alarms are just too loud. Everything feels heavy, and it feels big. Was your divorce real bad?

[Blair]

It was really bad. And it was, it was. It was really bad. And I, you know, since then, I. I feel like my whole mission was like, getting myself in a place of peace and security, and building peace in my home has been like the top thing, you know, which is easy to do when you live, you know, when you live alone.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. You've built peace through avoidance. And especially in the beginning, there's. There's some really important value in that. Like when you get electrocuted a whole lot, it makes a lot of sense to not want to mess with electricity. But at some point you have to decide, I want to turn the lights back on or not.

[Blair]

I feel like I let my ability to let the light on when I let in this relationship with Jack because I feel like he has been such a safe person for me, like, emotionally, you know, complete opposite of.

[Elizabeth]

What I.

[Blair]

Had before, you know, and that's been the greatest thing about the relationship.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Just because it has felt good does not mean it's right long term.

[Elizabeth]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Like, if the boat sank and you just like, flip flop, swim your way to shore, that's that. That swim stroke saved your life. That doesn't mean that's a good swim stroke for the rest of your life.

[Elizabeth]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I don't want to cast judgment on this guy. I don't know anything about him. His son may have incredible special needs, and he feels frozen. He feels guilty. It is what it is. What's important here is not that y' all have different beliefs on stuff. My wife and I have crazy different beliefs on stuff. But you have very different values. And it. I don't know of successful relationships that don't share values. And deeper, deeper than that, you just don't respect the guy. And you're not a bad person. Does it make you judgy? It doesn't make you evil, doesn't make you wrong. It doesn't make you nagging. It doesn't make you any of those things. But this is that feeling of you establishing peace in the quote unquote real world. That is, I'm putting up my boundaries and my boundaries require nothing of you. But as for me and my house, we're not going to have a 30 year old, fully functioning adult living here without a job, without purpose, without expertise, because it's cruel to do to the 30 year old to allow that. I don't do cruel things. I've been through hell once before. I'm scared about a second divorce. Even though you're not technically married. But this will be as, this will be a painful divorce if you broke up today. And I, I, I want to have peace. Peace means I can hold my values, I can hold my boundaries and I can hold them in your presence, not just avoid you. It's a cold war, right?

[Jane]

Mm.

[Blair]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I just give me one other thing. Get like, give me one other thing. What's one other thing that you struggle with respecting this guy about? Don't judge yourself. Don't judge. Well, you know, just, just. What's a thing you don't.

[Blair]

Yeah, it's hard.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is it hard to find something or is it hard to say it out loud?

[Blair]

It's, you know, it's like, it's, I guess it's, it's hard to say it out loud.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Maybe you don't have to say it. You don't have to say it. But here's the, here's what I'm getting at. It's easy to focus on this big, big rock that is this 30 year old man living in your boyfriend's house. And your boyfriend desperately wants you to join the clan. But that's not the only thing. This is the big thing. It might even be the easy thing. But there's other thing. Because these things don't happen in a vacuum. It's rare, rare, rare that everybody's in alignment on everything except for this one huge kaboom of a thing. Because if we're alignment on how we treat people, if we're alignment on what intimacy and honesty and vulnerability means, if we're on, if we're aligned on, both of us are trying to get to reality. If we're aligned on being able to talk about beliefs, then these big things aren't just still sitting there. And again, you can't change anything about him. The only thing you can do for yourself is to be honest about. Oh my gosh, I wallpapered over this thing. I just drove, drove by this thing. I didn't listen to myself. On this one, I just was so focused on this one feeling I had, which was, he's gonna be there. This one feeling like I did. I hate dating. This one feeling like, okay, I know he loves me. He makes me feel safe, and I love him. And we're gonna just ignore all this other stuff. It turns out this other stuff is really, really big. I guess the homework assignment I would tell you is to write down all of the things that make you lack respect. And if you want to balance it out to be fair and just get it out of your system, because I know you judge yourself harsher than anybody judges you. Write down all the things you love about them. Put those on a list. But I want you to be deeply honest. You don't have to do it on a public forum like this, but write down on a yellow pad. Here's the things I disrespect about him. The way he treats me, the way he talks to my kid, the way he dishonors his own kid by not making him have responsibilities, and on and on and on. Once you see the reality of what you write down, there's often a lot of clarity there. Maybe really painful, but there's often a ton, ton of clarity there. Hang on the line. I'm gonna send you a copy of Building a Non Anxious Life. It's. It's a book I wrote. I want you to read it and use that road map in there, because that may clarify this respect and values issue in a pretty enlightening way. Thanks for the call, sister. We come back, a woman wonders when to tell her kids about her biological family. All right, it's time to talk about Helix. Summer is here. Sun's up earlier, school's out, so the kids are going bananas. And if you're like me, your daily routine has exploded. And when that happens, what's the first thing that tanks? Sleep. So I'm going to be real with you. When I'm not sleeping well, I'm short with my wife, I'm grumpy with my kids, and at work, everything feels harder than it should. Sleep isn't just about closing your eyes and resting. It's about being able to show up the next day as the kind of person you want to be for yourself and for those who need you to show up for them. That's why I sleep on a Helix mattress. Before Helix, I tried all kinds of mattresses. They were too soft or too stiff, had memory foam that felt like quicksand. Whatever it is, you name it. But Helix matched me with the Perfect mattress based on how I sleep and based on who I sleep next to. Yes. They've even got mattress options for couples who need different feels on the same bed. It's incredible. So get online and take the Helix Sleep quiz just like I did. It takes less than two minutes and they'll match you with the perfect mattress that's just right for you. Plus, right now my audience gets exclusive savings on the Helix 4th of July sale. 27% off site wide. Go to helix sleep.com DeLoney and get 27 off. That's Helix H E L I X helixsleep.com DeLoney with Helix Better Sleep Starts right now. Savannah, Georgia. Let's talk to Elizabeth. What's up, Elizabeth?

[Elizabeth]

Hi, Dr. John. How are you?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Good, and you?

[Elizabeth]

I'm well, thank you, sir.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Awesome. Like, the Elizabeth from Savannah, Georgia sounds about as Southern as we can get. So good, good work on that one. What's up?

[Elizabeth]

I just wanted to talk to you about how do I, how and when is a good time to tell my kids that the grandparents that they've grown up with their whole lives are not my biological parents?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Tell me the story.

[Elizabeth]

So I'm going to read from my notes. My mom was from out west and my dad is from Georgia.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Where's out west? That's a Southern thing. Out west.

[Elizabeth]

I know.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Where is that? California?

[Elizabeth]

No, not that far. Just Missouri. But to me that's on the other side of the Mississippi, so it counts.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Otherwise known as central United States, but cool. Out west. All right. Over that away.

[Elizabeth]

So they, my dad was traveling for work and they met, I guess at a concert or a bar or something and they started dating. Next thing you know, they're pregnant with me. And so my dad, you know, moves her to Georgia and then they get married before I was born. So then after I was born, they had two other daughters within three years and then they were divorced before my youngest sister was one. So I stayed with my mom until, well, my dad got remarried when I was six and then I stayed with her until I was seven. And then my dad got custody of us. My relationship with my mom wasn't very healthy.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Why did your dad get custody? That's very rare. 10 or 15, 20 years ago, there.

[Elizabeth]

Was, there was a lot of physical abuse.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Elizabeth]

My mom had a lot of boyfriends that would come in and out and so.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So is there different kinds of abuse than just physical abuse?

[Elizabeth]

Yes, sir.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So hold on. Exhale for a second. That's a big one. That's a big one. And You've been blown by that one your whole life. Okay.

[Elizabeth]

Okay. So, of course, you know, obviously my relationship with my mom wasn't healthy, so in the state of Georgia.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Hold on, I want to reframe that. Can I reframe that for you?

[Elizabeth]

Of course.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Your relationship with your mom wasn't healthy is a very arm's length way of saying, my mom didn't protect me, and that's her one freaking job.

[Elizabeth]

Yes. I'm trying to be diplomatic.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

We're not going to be diplomatic when moms abuse kids.

[Elizabeth]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Or moms create environments where kids are allowed to be hurt repeatedly over and over. We're not going to be diplomatic there because that's evil and it's wrong.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And you, being a sweet southern gal, are raised that diplomacy is the only path. And diplomacy often means burying truth as deep as you possibly can.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, that pretty much sums up my whole life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then you end up feeling crazy. And then you make kids. And those kids, no mom's carrying something in the backpack, they don't know what it is, and they try to solve it, and then they grow up crazy.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And the cycle continues, right?

[Elizabeth]

Yep.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Elizabeth]

Hopefully not anymore.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There you go. That's what I'm talking about. And then one parent turns and says, it stops with me.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Dude, I'm proud of you.

[Elizabeth]

Well, thank you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so what did you find out?

[Elizabeth]

Well, okay, so fast forward. Well, I guess it's important to note that I call my stepmom my mom, so that's why my kids don't know about my biological mother.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Elizabeth]

And so. And I haven't spoken to my biological mom since I was 14.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Elizabeth]

So I don't. I mean, I think she knows I'm married because of my sisters, and I think she knows I have children, but we've never made contact.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can we. Can we sit. Can we pause right there? Can we talk about how much that hurts, too?

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

She still hasn't reached out to say, I want to meet my grandbabies.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. I mean, in. In her defense, she. But she tried for the first few years, especially after I got married and my first job was born. But we shut her down because she tried to reach out on Facebook, so.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. So she's. She learned her lesson. All right. My bad here. Okay. Keep going. Good for you. Holding boundaries. Way to go.

[Elizabeth]

So then when I was. About three years ago, when I was 29, I took an ancestry DNA test because I was going to England and I wanted to find out where I was from in England to hopefully Visit. And I didn't get that information at all. I was matched with my biological father and he's also from Missouri, so I don't have any, any recent history from England, which is unfortunate. So, yeah, I. It was.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So you found out the traveling salesman who knocked up your mom was actually not the guy.

[Elizabeth]

Correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So the man who had full custody of you and who raised you and whose new wife raised you as their own or not your biological parents.

[Elizabeth]

Correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Elizabeth]

So it took a little, a couple of weeks and finally I just decided I wasn't initially going to reach out. I felt like that was kind of betraying my dad if I reached out to this biological family.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But does your dad know about all this?

[Elizabeth]

Yes, sir.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What'd he say?

[Elizabeth]

Yes, he was. My name was really weird. He was. He kind of keeps it arm's length again. He says, you know, we'll talk about it as much as you want to. You can tell me as much as you want or as little as you want.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Did he know his approach?

[Elizabeth]

He said that he had suspicions because I don't, I'm a couple inches taller than him. I'm, you know, fair skinned and blue eyed and light hair and he's a quarter Choctaw Indian, so he's, you know, darker complexion, darker hair. I didn't look like them. Like, I don't look like anybody in my family. So he suspected it, especially as I was a teenager and I started getting taller. But he said that and he had thought about getting me tested, but ultimately he decided it didn't matter, that he was my dad. So.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can we sit on that? What an absolute stud.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, for sure.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I know dads don't say things right and they often, in moments of emotional challenge, they reach into their toolkit and there's just like a chisel in there and a hammer and that's all they got in there.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But here. What. How old is your dad?

[Elizabeth]

He'll be, he'll be 54 this summer.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. A. A mid-50s man reaching into his bag and trying to grab for a tool and saying to his daughter, I am here for you. As much or as little as you need.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I don't mean to say this, I don't mean to give anybody a pass, but that's about as great of an answer a 55 year old man can give.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I won't solve this from you. I won't take this from you. But the moment you want me to help carry it, I'm here.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. And he's, he's Been really great throughout the whole thing. And even though I was terrified to tell him.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Elizabeth]

So eventually I reached out to my biological father and I just had some questions, you know, like, did you know about me? Did you choose not to be in my life? Do I have a, you know, genetic disposition for cancer or, you know what I mean?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What'd you find out?

[Elizabeth]

Well, according to him, we only die young if we get hit by a train because I guess his uncle gave a train and he thought he was being funny. He didn't know about me. He did remember my mom because her first name is his last name. And it was kind of out of character for him too. It was a one night stand at a party and he, you know, he just sticks out in his memory, but he did not know about me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Do you believe him?

[Elizabeth]

I do. I do. After having met him, he's definitely. That would be out of character. He's actually a good person. Like, it's worked out best case scenario for, you know, how this could have gone.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's a dude. That's just. I don't hear that story very often. So that's awesome. And I'm assuming, I'm hoping that he's like, oh, my gosh, I have a daughter and we have so much to catch up on. And you feel like, like you mentioned, you're betraying your. The guy that was your ride or die and the mom that stood in the stead of your mother and who chose a different path and different boyfriends and different life. And you're worried about how to tell your kids.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, at the end of our first conversation, I was like, you know, you have a family. You have a whole life. I understand if you don't ever want to talk again. I just needed to ask these questions. And he was like, oh, no, absolutely not. Like, if you're interested, I would most certainly like to become a part of your life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. So I want you to hear the question you really asked him. Now that you've met me, do you want to know me? And he said, you're my daughter. You damn right I do.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Mom didn't answer the question that way.

[Elizabeth]

No.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Your stepdad. I mean, you're. You're. You're the guy you called dad dad. Your bio dad did when they given a shot.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

In a messy, messy, messy situation. What a. I can't think of a greater response by the two men in your life.

[Jane]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that doesn't feel super great all the time. Have you wandered around asking if you're an accident on. On the planet. Why am I here?

[Elizabeth]

Oh. Oh, yeah, Absolutely. That is something that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Elizabeth]

Because I knew, you know, that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How old are your kids?

[Elizabeth]

Married. Because of me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How old are your kids?

[Elizabeth]

They're 8 and 6.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If you ever wonder why am I here? Get on a knee and look both of them in the eye and put your hands on their face and put your forehead on their forehead and just whisper to them. Y' all are.

[Jane]

Why?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, okay.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah, it was definitely. That question has plagued me my whole life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know.

[Elizabeth]

You know?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know.

[Elizabeth]

And I made sure that my children, you know, like, when you have parents who do things wrong, you always try to overcorrect. And so, you know, I. I made sure that the conception of my children was intentional and that, you know, I wanted them and that I was ready for them and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Good, Good, good, good. All right, so here's. How old are your kids right now?

[Elizabeth]

They're eight and six right now. And they're starting to put two and two together, like.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Not as much as you think they are.

[Elizabeth]

Okay. Okay, cool.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Have they gone to meet bio dad yet?

[Elizabeth]

Yeah. Yeah, we've gotten to know them pretty well. We've visited them in Missouri and they've come here and we've gone on trips together.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, wow. Okay, so y' all are in. Okay, so maybe they are starting to be like, hey, you look like that guy.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Why do you call that guy dad? Why do you call. Yeah, why do you call him dad?

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Do they know about that your mom is sick?

[Elizabeth]

Nope.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Your bio mom?

[Elizabeth]

Nope.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, that's the words I would use.

[Elizabeth]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The woman who's my real mommy was really sick when I was little, and she made me very, very unsafe. Why? What happened? That's a grown up conversation. But she made me very, very unsafe. And my dad came and rescued me, and my mom, she filled in the gap. People are good.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I found out later that the man that rescued me, I thought he was my. I thought he was my birth dad. He's not. This guy actually is.

[Elizabeth]

What?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So I get two dads.

[Elizabeth]

Okay.

[Jane]

What?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I get two dads and I get two moms. And as they get older and they begin to ask more sophisticated questions, then you get a little more sophisticated in your answers. Okay. I want you to do something really weird. Are you standing up right now?

[Elizabeth]

No.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Stand up real quick. Stand up and literally wiggle your arms. Shake them out. Just shake them out.

[Elizabeth]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Will you hear me directly when I say this? Okay.

[Elizabeth]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're a great Freaking mom. And none of this has been your fault. And you are here to break a cycle of an entire family system. And the good Lord has smiled on you and given you two dads. Geez Louise. Man, if I could hug those two dudes. They're not perfect, of course they're goofballs. But they said when they saw you, they're like, I'm in.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And the only thing you can change about your story is what happens next. And I want you to start with you and your husband, get together, maybe go for a breakfast like I always talk about do. And I want you to write out, here's what will be true with our kids. They will always know they can come home. My kids will always know that there is no question that I'm. That's too big for me. Even if my answer is I don't know.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

They will ask always know that they're loved. And they'll know there's nothing wrong with their bodies. And this is how bodies work. Because bodies are awesome.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And for whatever it's worth, my nine year old, the other day, there was a neighbor who just had a baby through via C section. And my daughter said, what's that thing on? She had like a wrap on. She was outside. And I said, oh, she had a C section. You know normally how baby comes out of your vagina, but this one, she had to have surgery. And she's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she goes, oh, that's sex. And I go, yes. And don't forget, sex is awesome. And she's like, okay. I'm trying to completely demystify to my house.

[Elizabeth]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But more importantly, I want my daughter to know there is nothing my dad won't talk to me about. Yeah, cool.

[Elizabeth]

Cool.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You are an amazing, amazing woman. It's. It's a highlight of my. Of my week to get talk to you. Thank you so, so much for the call. Hey, it's Deloney for Organifi. I talk to people every day who feel overwhelmed. And I don't just mean emotionally. They're physically and mentally worn out. They're anxious, not sleeping well. They feel foggy and disconnected. And most of them are trying to push through with a combination of coffee and willpower. Can we all just agree what you're doing probably isn't working? Redlining your body every minute of every day is burning you and everyone you love to the ground. That's where Organifi comes in. Organifi makes organic superfood blends and gummies that are designed to support your body, your mind, and even your emotions and not just set everything else on fire. Just mix Organifi superfood blends with water and you're good to go. For me, that's green juice in the morning for focus and red juice in the morning and the afternoon for clean energy without the crash. And I love my happy drops to boost my mood and the shilajit gummies that help me feel like a laser beam. Most people don't have to overhaul their entire life to just start feeling better. You have to listen to your body and make some small daily choices. And you can start with my friends at Organifi. Go to Organifi.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney to save 20% off. That's 20% off everything with code DeLoney at O R G A N I F I Organifi.com DeLoney all right, so we're back. And if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see I'm wearing my beloved Astros hat. And if you've listened to this show all the way back beginning, you know I'm an obsessive baseball fan, and I grew up in Houston, and I'm an Astros fan. And then you also know that I've been sad all year because they traded away everybody. And if you're listening to this, I just kind of explained it all to you. And if you're watching this, you also see that I got this rad dude named Will next to me. And, Will, why are you here, man?

[Will]

Yeah, I appreciate being here. My name is Will General. I'm director of marketing of the Nashville Stars, and it is our goal to pave the way for Major League Baseball to come here to Middle Tennessee playing here in Nashville.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So we're working, all of us are working to get a baseball team in Nashville, Tennessee. This is a big moment for me. So what are we doing here, man?

[Will]

Yeah, I mean, we are building our fan base one by one, brick by brick, and we are very excited to welcome you to the fold.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And, like, you can see it's time for you to make the hat swap, dude. So. And by the way, you're a Yankees fan, so there's no love lost with my strobes.

[Will]

I am a Yankees fan. That day that the Nashville Stars beat the New York Yankees will be the day that I turn over my fandom for good.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's time for me to take off this Astros hat, though, and admit that I live in Nashville and take on this Nashville Stars cap, baby. So it's time Here we go.

[Will]

Oh, yeah. Come on.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It even feels good, man. Well, Will, thank you, my brother. Appreciate you being here.

[Will]

I appreciate you having me, man.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And, hey, Major League Baseball. Let's get on it, dude. Let's get a team here in Nashville so we can beat the Yankees again and again and again. Fair? Let's do it. Hey, that's the show. Appreciate you guys. Love y' all. Don't do drugs. Stay in school. Peace out. Late.