The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: My Girlfriend Doesn’t Know I Take Meds to Have Sex
Date: November 12, 2025
Host: Dr. John Delony (A) — Ramsey Network

Overview

This episode covers deeply personal questions submitted by callers, ranging from honesty in a new romantic relationship about taking medication for intimacy, to concerns about body image and being loved after years of marriage, and finally, how to compassionately explain homelessness to young children. Dr. Delony provides heartfelt, practical advice, encouraging vulnerability, relational connection, and authenticity at every stage. He highlights the power of facing fears, the traps of rumination, and the lifelong journey to self-acceptance and honest living.

Segment 1: Being Honest About Medication in a New Relationship

Caller: Bruce, 62-year-old widower, Charleston, SC
Segment Start: [01:20]
Key Topics: Intimacy, honesty, aging, vulnerability

Discussion Breakdown

• Bruce’s Story:

  • Widowed in 2020, underwent both heart and kidney transplants, now dating a woman.
  • Recently started a deeply intimate relationship, but uses Cialis to help with performance and hasn’t told his girlfriend; feels dishonest.

• Bruce’s Concern:

  • Fears that revealing he uses medication may make his girlfriend feel undesirable, less loved, or unattractive.
  • Feels out of integrity for omitting this detail, as he’s otherwise completely open.

• Dr. Delony’s Response:

  • Normalizes Bruce’s situation: “You’re 62... you’re not 18... be really grateful you live in a sliver of history where this is possible.” [06:01]
  • Points out that Bruce is telling himself anxious stories about a negative reaction that may never happen:
    “You are creating stories about a potential future mishap and dragging those into your present.” [06:20]
  • Challenges the real source of Bruce's anxiety, connecting it to deep fears of loss and vulnerability after losing his wife and his health:
    “Is there a possibility that you’re afraid if I go all in on this thing, my body may fail her too?” [10:28]

• Building Deeper Trust:

  • Encourages radical honesty about feelings, not just details:
    “You don’t feel safe enough to say out loud... There’s a secret you don’t feel safe enough to say.” [07:27]
  • Suggests having a candid, direct conversation:
    “I want you to sit down with your girlfriend… say, there’s some big things on my heart… a couple of those pills are Cialis. I’ve told myself this story that you won’t like me if you knew that.” [13:18]
    • Reassures: If she reacts negatively, “you’ve dodged a bullet.” If she’s supportive, it will deepen the connection.

• Notable Quotes:

  • “Rumination never solves any problems. It feels like productive thinking… What it’s doing is making your present miserable.” — Dr. Delony [12:50]
  • “You’re not broken, there’s not something wrong with you. Your body is just trying to keep you safe.” — Dr. Delony [15:36]

• Practical Tools:

  • Write down anxious stories and challenge them: “Is this true?”
  • Practice moving through fears, not around them: “The only way through them is through.” [14:43]
  • Praises Bruce for getting treatment for ED: “Most men don’t, and that’s why I take so many sexless marriage calls on this show.” [15:42]

• Light-hearted but Serious Warning:

  • “There is a surge of people 55 and older [getting STIs] because of these medications... Go make this woman your wife and y’all ride off into the sunset together.” [16:20]

Memorable Moment:
“Go marry this lady. Y’all are 62. Clock’s ticking. Let’s go create an amazing fourth quarter.” — Dr. Delony [16:46]

Segment 2: Struggling with Body Image and Being Loved

Caller: Elizabeth, Salt Lake City, UT
Segment Start: [20:31]
Key Topics: Marriage, body image, self-worth, motherhood, self-acceptance

Discussion Breakdown

• Elizabeth’s Story:

  • Happy, supportive marriage, six children, excellent partnership, but struggles to believe her husband finds her attractive as they age and after having children.

• Elizabeth’s Core Belief:

  • “For whatever reason, I just have a hard time believing him when he tells me he’s attracted to me.” [21:05]
  • Describes gaining 30 pounds and feeling like she’s “let him down.” [25:05]

• Dr. Delony’s Analysis:

  • Explains how personal self-image overrides external validation:
    “One of you has to be wrong—because you so deeply believe you’re not beautiful anymore.” [23:35]
  • Traces the feeling to always striving to prove herself, never feeling enough:
    “I’ve just always felt like I was clawing to prove I was good enough.” — Elizabeth [26:30]
  • Identifies exhaustion and codependent tendencies—feeling responsible for everyone else’s happiness:
    “I need my kids to be okay for me to be okay.” [28:24]

• Practical Path Forward:

  • Importance of self-care and not labeling it as selfish:
    “No, it’s not selfish... It’s putting your oxygen mask on first so you can go do the next hard thing.” [33:10]
  • Recommends therapy for processing and challenging deep-seated beliefs.
  • Encourages honest conversations in the family, modeling vulnerability for her daughters:
    “Your daughters are watching... It’s cool to take them out and say, hey, I’m done with that story. I’m gonna do some work...” [35:03]

• Notable Quotes:

  • “You think you’re a burden to your husband?” — Dr. Delony
  • “I think I’m a burden to most people.” — Elizabeth [31:27]
  • “With all due respect and love... that’s madness. It’s not a true story.” — Dr. Delony [31:29]
  • “The longest walk you’ll ever take is from knowing in your head to feeling in your heart.” [31:48]
  • “Thirty pounds doesn’t disqualify you from being beautiful, from being worthy of being loved, from being an amazing mom and wife and woman and friend and daughter.” [35:03]

• Memorable Advice:

  • Practice stating wants and needs; open up about insecurities with trusted people.
  • “Now the work begins. Day one.” — Dr. Delony [35:19]

Segment 3: Explaining Homelessness and Addiction to Young Kids

Caller: Clara, Toronto, ON
Segment Start: [39:24]
Key Topics: Parenting, empathy, social justice, child development

Discussion Breakdown

• Clara’s Situation:

  • Recently moved to downtown Toronto, daily encounters with homelessness; wants to raise compassionate, aware children but struggles with how (and when) to introduce complex topics.

• Dr. Delony’s Framework:

  • Draws on his upbringing (son of a homicide detective) and shares a core family lesson:
    “That person you see, whoever you call ‘they,’ you’re about two or three or four decisions away. Be very humble and very kind.” [42:19]

• Humanizing the Issue:

  • Directs families to serve and connect, not just discuss:
    “The first thing with my kids… is humanize folks. That means you have to get involved and serve these people because they have names and they’ve got stories.” [43:05]
  • Emphasizes modeling empathy and not shielding kids from sadness:
    “I want my kids to see me weep when somebody dies... I want them to see us living by action.” [47:32]

• Parenting Tactics:

  • Let actions lead when kids are very young; answer questions honestly but gently.
  • Involve kids in service: making care bags, serving meals, volunteering together.
  • “Don’t ever let a person become a crack in the sidewalk.” [45:50]

• Encouragement and Perspective:

  • Validates Clara’s struggle with her own feelings and that parenting often means acting decisively and humbly, not just thinking deeply:
    “Raising kids is the exact opposite [of science]. Do the next right thing and be willing to say I was wrong on that one.” [50:36]
  • Any action “can make a powerful difference to Jeff, the guy who’s got schizophrenia… or Susan, whose story would make you sob.” [51:02]

• Notable Quotes:

  • “More is caught than is taught.” [46:33]
  • “Thank you for being a person who doesn’t just point a finger… but cares about the world your kids are growing up in.” [49:22]
  • “Let your actions be the guide. You are not going to intellectually solve this problem. It’s plagued humanity. But you can make a really powerful difference to Jeff.” [50:36]

Segment 4: Bonus Q&A – Phones and Presence in Marriage

Segment Start: [51:30]
Key Topics: Technology, marriage, intentionality

Key Points

• Reader asks how to get her husband off his phone and be more present.
• Dr. Delony suggests humorously destructive options (“throw it in the street!”), then lands on the importance of honest, vulnerable communication:
  • Use “I statements” rather than accusations.
  • “I have this nagging feeling in my chest that I’ve lost you to technology. I miss you. I want to work on how I can be present in our home. Will you work on that, too?” [51:55]
  • Recognizes phone use is often about numbing or escaping discomfort: “People stuck on their phones are numbing away a life where they feel dead in their own skin, and the phone is actually a Xanax.” [End]
• Suggests focusing on building a marriage that feels alive rather than simply removing screens.

Timestamps for Notable Segments

• Bruce on intimacy and honesty: [01:20]–[16:46]
• Elizabeth on body image and worth: [20:31]–[35:19]
• Clara on kids and homelessness: [39:24]–[51:02]
• Phones and marital presence Q&A: [51:30]–[End]

Notable Quotes Recap

• On Medication and Vulnerability:
  “You’re not broken, there’s not something wrong with you. Your body is just trying to keep you safe.” — Dr. Delony [15:36]

• On Self-worth:
  “With all due respect and love in the world, that’s madness. It’s not a true story.” — Dr. Delony [31:29]

• On Parenting and Empathy:
  “I don’t ever want a person to become a crack in the sidewalk.” — Dr. Delony [45:50]

• On Marriage and Technology:
  “I have this nagging feeling in my chest that I’ve lost you to technology. I miss you.” — Dr. Delony [51:55]

Summary Takeaways

• Vulnerability and honest communication—about medical needs, body insecurities, or even daily phone use—are the building blocks of deep relationships.
• The stories we tell ourselves, often rooted in past loss or deep-seated insecurities, can sabotage our ability to accept love or connection in the present.
• Modeling compassion and service to children, especially around difficult societal challenges, plants lifelong empathy.
• Self-care, self-examination, and opening up to challenge—by a partner, counselor, or community—are essential for healthy adulthood.
• In relationships, especially marriage, presence and intentionality matter more than perfection.

For anyone struggling with similar issues, Dr. Delony’s message is clear: You are not broken, your feelings are valid, and reaching out in honesty is the bravest next step you can take. Ride into your “fourth quarter” with openness, acceptance, and love—clock’s ticking, make it count.