My Husband Gawks At Younger Women in Public

Summary

The Dr. John Delony Show (Ramsey Network)

Episode: "My Husband Gawks At Younger Women in Public"
Date: August 25, 2025

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Overview

Dr. John Delony takes live calls on relationships and mental health, addressing raw and challenging situations with empathy and directness. In this episode, Dr. Delony speaks with three callers:

• Shirley, concerned about her husband’s habit of staring at younger women in public
• Beth, seeking reassurance about her openness with her teenage daughter regarding intimacy and marriage
• Aaron, struggling with trust after uncovering his wife’s dishonesty around underage drinking in their home

Delony provides support, hard truths, and practical advice for navigating marital boundaries, parenting, and emotional honesty.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Marital Respect and Boundaries: Shirley’s Call

Topic: Husband’s Gawking at Younger Women
Segment: 00:05 – 16:16

• Shirley (57) feels disrespected and uncomfortable as her husband (60) openly turns his head to stare at attractive, younger women when they are together.
• She has discussed this with him, expressing that while noticing attractive people is natural, “physically turning your head” feels disrespectful (02:01).
• Shirley, previously in a 34-year abusive marriage, questions her boundaries and sensitivity, wondering what’s "normal" (03:32).

Dr. Delony’s Main Insights:

• Notices of attraction are normal; the issue is going from internal recognition to disrespectful "gawking" (“There's a way to do that with dignity and respect and like honor… It’s that fine line between being lifted up by beauty and then objectifying somebody.” 02:14, 05:41)
• Gawking is disrespectful “to you, but it's disrespectful to her” (05:41).
• Encourages Shirley to examine her own reaction—differentiating between triggers from past emotional wounds and legitimate boundary violations (05:41–07:47).
• Validates her worth despite the corrosive messages from a prior abusive relationship (“for 30 years somebody told you you weren't beautiful enough...that’s encoded in your nervous system.” 12:33).

Boundaries and Action Steps:

• Shirley is within her rights to set clear boundaries: “It grosses me out when you gawk at a 20 year old, 60 year old man. Stop. I can't help it. You can help it.” (13:11)
• Suggests framing it as a matter of relationship integrity and self-honesty: “I'm not going to be in a relationship anymore where somebody tells me that I'm stupid... Where somebody makes me feel intellectually or physically less than.” (13:49)
• Points out that debate over whether it's "technically" pornography is less important than “you know him, he’s your husband” and how it makes her feel (10:19–11:25).

Memorable Quotes:

• “You can pornographize anything.” — Dr. Delony (10:19)
• “It's that fine line between being lifted up by beauty and then objectifying somebody and taking that next line.” — Dr. Delony (05:41)
• “You're worth that work and you're worth the directive, hard conversations in your house.” — Dr. Delony (16:16)

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2. Parenting, Honesty, and Openness: Beth’s Call

Topic: Daughter’s Anxiety Around Intimacy, Parent-Child Conversations
Segment: 18:26 – 30:41

• Beth and her husband are openly affectionate and communicate candidly about intimacy, but Beth worries if this openness has made her 16-year-old daughter “afraid” or “turned off” from intimacy.
• Daughter expresses not wanting to be “forced to be naked,” wonders if she can “adopt kids and not share a room with my husband.”
• Beth anxiously questions whether she’s “ruined” her daughter.

Dr. Delony’s Main Insights:

• Normalizes the 16-year-old’s reaction: “If a 16 year old sees their parents dancing and smooching...they are supposed to go, ‘Oh gosh, gross.’” (21:55)
• Reassures Beth her daughter opening up at midnight (“midnight conversations”) means she is “crushing it” as a parent (24:22).
• Emphasizes: It's far too early to worry; some teens feel a strong aversion to intimacy, and this often shifts.
• Urges direct but gentle checking-in if a teen draws “very specific boundaries”, asking if anything uncomfortable ever happened (26:38–27:46).
• Cautions not to let parental anxiety weigh down the child: “I don't want our existential angst about our quote unquote performance as parents. I don't want our kids to ever feel like they have to hold that up because they can't carry that weight.” (29:07)

Memorable Quotes:

• “When a 16, 17, 18 year old draws very firm and very specific boundaries...I am going to ask different questions. Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable before?” — Dr. Delony (26:38)
• “I can't think of a greater gift for a kid than knowing, ‘I have some crazy thoughts...I'm gonna go talk to my mom.’” — Dr. Delony (25:07)
• “You're giving your daughter a real picture of a woman who loves her husband...And hey, daughter, no matter what you're going through, I'm a safe place for you.” — Dr. Delony (29:54–30:21)

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3. Trust and Dishonesty in Marriage: Aaron’s Call

Topic: Wife’s Lying About Buying Alcohol for Underage Son
Segment: 32:47 – 48:39

• Aaron discovered hidden alcohol in his 19-year-old stepson’s room, traced it back to his wife, who denied knowledge despite evidence and the son’s confession.
• Aaron details lasting issues with his wife’s honesty, her accusations, and her threatening divorce over the years.

Dr. Delony’s Main Insights:

• The heart of the pain is not the alcohol, but the dishonesty and betrayal of trust—especially in front of the children (35:23).
• Exposes the cumulative effect: “This doesn't happen in a vacuum. She's been doing this your whole life, huh?” (35:40)
• Challenges Aaron to stop making “excuses” for his wife's behavior (“How long have you been making excuses for her?” 38:42).
• Advocates for modeling integrity, not protecting the illusion of peace: “Don't sacrifice the long-term peace in your life and those kids' lives for short-term peace—for the illusion of peace for a short-term arms agreement.” (48:08)
• Validates Aaron’s enduring support for his stepson and suffering endured to keep the family together, but encourages him to make choices toward honesty and healthy boundaries.

Memorable Quotes:

• “I'm not lying for you. I'm not making up excuses for you... I'm putting my foot down there.” — Dr. Delony (42:46)
• “I want you to run to a life of lived integrity... not always running from something, but running towards something.” — Dr. Delony (42:12)
• “In five years from now, what does peace look like, and how do we get there?” — Dr. Delony (43:18)
• “There are great, wonderful people freaking everywhere... So thank you all for everyone who's shown up, who have prayed for all these families, who are going to sit with people for years after this.” — Dr. Delony (54:48, after the emotional close)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On boundaries:
  “You get to put that on the table... You're a grown man. You could say, ‘I don't really care what you say. I’m just going to be better.’ Well, okay, let's see it.” — Dr. Delony (15:11)
• On generational impact:
  “It's in the air, right. It's...the water everybody drinks. It's just there, Right? The tension and the deception and all that.” — Dr. Delony (44:24)
• On societal kindness:
  “Our media outlets are just full of politics and hate and anger and rage and blame. ... There are so many freaking good people out there who are giving away coffee, who are showing up with hammers.” — Dr. Delony (closing segment, 54:48)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Shirley’s marital boundary call: 00:05 – 16:16
• Beth’s parenting/teen intimacy conversation: 18:26 – 30:41
• Aaron’s call on marital trust/dishonesty: 32:47 – 48:39
• Inspirational close and community kindness: 54:48 – end

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Tone and Language

• Dr. Delony is direct, empathetic, and sometimes playfully irreverent (“Yeah, that makes him a creepy old man.” 03:03)
• He uses plain talk, occasionally interjecting humor, but always circles back to deep respect for the callers and tough love when needed.
• Language is conversational, validating, and focused on fostering self-worth, boundaries, and actionable next steps.

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Conclusion

This episode blends practical psychology, real talk, and encouragement for anyone navigating tough marital and family dynamics. Dr. John Delony presses listeners to honor both self and others, to set and enforce boundaries, and to seek authentic connection—while also reminding us of the quiet goodness still present in everyday life and community.

Transcript

[Caller]

I have a hard time when my husband blatantly looks at attractive women when we're together. Like, physically turning his head.

[Dr. John Delony]

Well, that's just annoying. How old is your husband?

[Caller]

60.

[Dr. John Delony]

60. Ooh. He may be on the other side. Yeah, that makes him a creepy old man. This isn't a word, but you can pornographize anything. What up? What up? This is John with a Dr. John Del show, taking your calls from all over planet earth about your mental emotional health and your families and marriages, Whatever. Whatever you got going on. Love, love getting to talk to you all and meet you out on the road. It's just. It's awesome. Thank you for being with us. And, Kelly, looks like today was maybe shower day. You look nice today. I love how you could make a compliment just into the most. Like, I know this is this like you did, you did Shirt. Like, nice shirt and hair today.

[Caller]

I have on a T shirt and.

[Dr. John Delony]

My hair looks the same every day. I just have on a headband today. Oh, maybe that's it. Yeah, my little lemony headband, sporty, spicy.

[Caller]

Ginormous headache right now.

[Dr. John Delony]

But, hey, it's the pains of beauty. It looks good. That's really all that matters. You go.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

There you go. Well, it's still like you. It's delightful to see you out of the corner of my eye. That's a sentence you've never uttered ever.

[Caller]

In all the years we've known each other.

[Dr. John Delony]

Well, there we go. It's the first time I've seen Headband. Headband lipstick and nice shirt. It's a big day for us. Let's go to Witchita and talk to. Don't call me. Shirley. Shirley. What's up, Shirley?

[Caller]

Hey, how are you?

[Dr. John Delony]

I'm doing great. How about you?

[Caller]

Great. Great. Hey, my question or my concern is I have a hard time when my husband blatantly looks at attractive women when we're together, like, physically turning his head.

[Dr. John Delony]

Well, that's just annoying, right?

[Caller]

I have. I have talked to him about this and said, hey, you need to be better. I get it that they're going to be other attractive people in the world, but it feels disrespectful to me.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah, well, I was talking to some middle school boys the other day, and everybody's out at the park playing, and, you know, a couple of, like, college girls walk by, and they all just, like, comically, without even meaning to all turn their heads, like, in this. It was like an old 80s beer commercial. You know what I mean? It was, like, so. And I was like, Guys, there are beautiful people everywhere and there's a way to do that with dignity and respect and like honor. Right? There's like, hey, that's a beautiful, attractive person. And you can turn your eyes, you can, you can nod, right? But then it's like gawking, right? And I was like, guys, be better than that. How old's your husband?

[Caller]

Right?

[Dr. John Delony]

How old is your husband?

[Caller]

How old is he? 60.

[Dr. John Delony]

Oh, he may be on the other side. Where, where it's like, not really, like. Yeah, that makes him a creepy old man. So. Yeah, I don't, I mean, I don't know how I could help because he's not on the phone. Do you, do you feel less than.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah, it does.

[Dr. John Delony]

Tell me about that. And also this, this doesn't happen in a vacuum. Is he like spend his time on, on online looking at women? Like, give me the full context.

[Caller]

I have, I have, I have thought, if you want to call it that, caught him looking at other people online. And I don't believe it's pornography. I was married for 34 years, got out of an abusive relationship and then remarried. And this is my new marriage. And so part of me is like, well, you know, I'm super sensitive. You know, what is normal? What is too much? What? Yeah, I guess I'm trying to draw my boundaries as well.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah. So I mean, I was convicted and this is within the last couple years. Not convicted, but I, I was like, yes, that makes sense. Like, if a, if like a fireman were to walk in this room, like a, like a, like a one you see on a calendar, like a super attractive, ripped, 30 year old fireman were to walk in here, Kelly's just like, tell me more. Right? But like was to walk in here, even the guys, everybody should be. There should be a feeling of calm and safety and like, oh yeah, in, in this room. And I'm not talking about in a sexual way, but like in a, A guy's just awesome, right? That. That's a natural thing. If a beautiful woman was to walk in this room, everyone's spirit should be lifted up. Right? And anyone who denies that is just denying reality. It's that next layer. When there's, when everyone acknowledges there's an attractive person in the room, and that's awesome. And your spirits are lifted because beauty is. Beauty is beauty. Right? And also there can be an unit. I'd say, like, this is an ugly way to say this, but I'm just cutting to the chase here. There can be a classically unattractive person who is hilarious. They have a great spirit or they're full of joy and, or, and those people just lift up a room and sort of to pretend that that's not real is. I would. If you're challenged by that, then I would suggest. Yeah, you've got, you've got issues with who you see in the mirror. Right?

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

If there is. You're walking down the street and your husband of six who's 60 is. You're standing right next to him and somebody walks by and he turns his whole head all the way around, he's like, whoa, man. Like, that's gross. Right. And by the way, right. It's disrespectful to you, but it's disrespectful to her. It's that, it's, it's that fine line between being lifted up by beauty and then objectifying somebody and taking that next line and I'm going to. Meditate's the wrong word. But I'm going to fantasize. I'm gonna, I'm gonna connect myself to that person and I don't know. Yeah, it's, it's, it's both and. Right. So I would say if it makes you uncomfortable, look in the mirror and challenge that discomfort. Is it. Do I feel less than Anytime somebody beautiful walks in the room, or if somebody funny walks in the room, or if somebody just bubbly and full of joy and they bring that spirit into a room and that makes you feel less than, then I would want to challenge that. Like, what, where does that sense come from? Is it. Are you still hanging on to stuff from. And I say hanging on like it's a part of you. Right. It's not like you're something wrong with you.

[Caller]

But I mean, because I'm, you know, 57, so it's like, you know, obviously aging and things like that can hit you hard too. But I do try, you know, and take good care of myself and keep up with things, you know?

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah, but I mean, there's, there's, there's something about like I'm 47, right. I. A 25 year old dude walks in a room, I'm like, man, that guy. I don't look like that. I never look like that. But I can tell myself I don't look like that quote unquote anymore. Right. But it's, it's not a challenge to me. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm, I'm not. It's like, oh man, that guy's guy looks awesome. And I, I'LL elbow my wife and be like, look at that guy. And she's like, whoa. You know, I mean, not out of disrespect or out of lust or anything like that. It's just. That's an attractive person. And so if you're 57 and beginning to want to tamp down any of the attractive people in your life, I would suggest to you, like. Like, man, that's an exhausting way to live.

[Caller]

Right, Right. And I know, I know because I've. I've been fed the rhetoric that at times, through my ex. Hus. Husband and things that I'm, you know, not good enough. Like, my grandma's more attractive than you was one of the things I was told. So I am dealing with.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah, I hate that for you.

[Caller]

Yeah. With some of those things. But at the same time, I know I'm worthy. It just kind of shakes me when things like that happen.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And I have expressed, you know, and it has gotten better, but at the same time, it still happens.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah. Is it the fact that there are other attractive people and it's a signal to you that I'm. I'm 57, I'm in the back half of my life. I'm getting older. I've got more. Like, is it the natural part of grieving, the aging process, or.

[Caller]

Part of it.

[Dr. John Delony]

Do you have a really disrespectful husband who's kind of gross, but also, like, you've. You've said, hey, this makes me feel uncomfortable. And he's like, yeah, I don't care.

[Caller]

No, it wasn't that he didn't care.

[Dr. John Delony]

Okay.

[Caller]

You know, it wasn't. Because whenever I've addressed it, it's just like, well, if it's right in front of me, I'm gonna. I mean, I'm gonna see. And I said, I get that, but you don't have to. You don't have to physically turn your head.

[Dr. John Delony]

Well. And anybody who says there's not a difference is lying. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Like, come on. Like. Like, I could help it. A, nobody's asking you to not acknowledge somebody's beautiful, and B, don't be gross. So. So where do you go from here? Do you. Do you say something like, hey, I'm not going to walk with you in public because you gross me out. Are you there yet?

[Caller]

Well, I. I could. I could easily say that, you know, if it. If it happens and feels respect. Disrespectful again, like what I have said in the past, she's beautiful, you know, and he's like, yeah, she is. You know, but then still, you know, the 60 year old and the, you know, the 20 year old or younger girl, that is truly beautiful. Yeah, it's like, yeah, gross, gross. But, you know, everyone in the booth.

[Dr. John Delony]

Is making like a gross face right now, just so you know. Like, it's not just you and me.

[Caller]

They're all like, well, and I can't control what someone does online, you know, And I don't believe it's pornography.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah, but hold on, you can, this isn't a word, but you can pornographize anything.

[Caller]

Well, right. You can pervert anything ad or anything like that. I mean, you go on ESPN and you can scroll down and you can find ads for the, the newest European bikini craze or whatever and then click the link and you're on an ad and you can sexualize that in a heartbeat.

That's pornography, okay?

[Dr. John Delony]

That's a sexualization. And so it's, it's, it's well within your. Your. Let me say it this way, you're not crazy because you, you know him, he's your husband, you know? You know what I mean? You know, and I wish there was another way. There's that old Supreme Court justice who was like, I'll know pornography. You want to see it. You know, when your husband is, there's a look, there's a, there's an absorption, you know, when he can say, no, no, it's not pornography. It. For you right now it is, right?

[Caller]

That's correct.

[Dr. John Delony]

You know that. And he's being dishonest with you. And my gut tells me that more than him looking at beautiful women online, it is. You're not being honest with me.

[Caller]

In what way?

[Dr. John Delony]

He's calling you dumb.

[Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

He's calling you stupid. Like, oh, no, no, no, I, I am. He's pretending that you're too stupid to know that he's a 60 year old man creeping on 20 year olds online.

[Caller]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

You know what I mean? And, and there's that, that sort of disrespect beyond the sexualization, that's sort of like, I'm smarter than you, you're too stupid. That's really painful.

[Caller]

Right?

[Dr. John Delony]

Right.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And all of this sounds like it hearkens back to some level of how you were treated for 30 years in your other marriage. Right?

[Caller]

Yeah. Yes. And so that part of me is like, okay, what part of this do I need? I mean, clearly I need to work on myself always. And I think that'll be a lifelong Thing. But.

[Dr. John Delony]

And you've got more bricks in your backpack. So we're all running the same race, but your race is going to be heavier because for 30 years somebody told you you weren't beautiful enough, you weren't attractive enough. It was your fault that. Fill in the blank X, Y and Z. You weren't sexual enough. You. All those things. And so for 30 years that's encoded in your nervous system. And let's be honest, let's hold both of them. You allowed that to happen for 30 years, right?

[Caller]

I did, Yeah, I did.

[Dr. John Delony]

And so there's both.

[Caller]

And then I woke up.

[Dr. John Delony]

That's right. But, but a lot of the, the angst you're feeling in your guts is you're allowing it to happen again.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And so there's something about saying, I'm 56, I'm 57, I'm standing up for the first time and yeah, there's something about, hey, it, it grosses me out when you gawk at a 20 year old, 60 year old man. Stop. I can't help it. You can help it. And I'm ask, I'm telling you, I'm not going to walk with you in public if you're going to turn your head and drop your sunglasses and gawk. There is a way to look out of the corner of your eye and smile and be like, wow, she's beautiful and go on about your day. And beyond that, I'm not going to be in a relationship anymore where somebody tells me that I'm stupid.

[Caller]

Yes. Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Where somebody makes me feel intellectually or physically less than.

[Caller]

Yeah, that's. Yes, that's a good way to put it. And when, when I, I approached him about the online things, I said, I'm not gonna do this. And he said, okay, I'll be better. And I said, do you have the integrity to back it up?

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah, well, I'm gonna be better.

[Caller]

I've just gotta live with it, you know, until I, I guess, I don't know, until I, until he proves me wrong.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah. But you, you have to have the courage to take the next step, which is I want you to delete these apps off your phone. Yeah, that would make me feel more comfortable.

[Caller]

He's not on social media, so it's totally, totally ESPN ads and things like that.

[Dr. John Delony]

Okay.

[Caller]

But not. He's.

[Dr. John Delony]

Again, you're classifying pornography versus something that makes you feel uncomfortable. And again, your discomfort is less in. There's a somebody beautiful in a bikini and more. I can see it on him. It grosses me Out.

[Caller]

Yeah, you're right. You're right. I have to be more honest to my. With myself about that.

[Dr. John Delony]

Right. And you're. You are equally as much as him dividing up between what is quote unquote bad and what's quote unquote good. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. John Delony]

My. My buddies.

[Caller]

Any of it.

[Dr. John Delony]

Right. You don't like it, of course. And you know what? You get to not like any of it. And there's other people listening to this right now. And by the way, don't read the comments on this. People are going to be brutal to me and to you, like, who are like, I could care less if my husband's like, great, knock your lights out. You get to do that. But we're talking about you and your experiences in your life in your level of comfort, and you get to put that on the table. And he's a grown man. He could say, I don't really care what you say. I'm just going to be better. Well, okay, let's see it. But you giving him a map to what would make you feel comfortable is the honorable thing for you to do for him.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John Delony]

And then you have to live in that tension if he's like, I'm not doing that.

[Caller]

Right. And then what's my move?

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah.

[Caller]

If he chooses not to, that's.

[Dr. John Delony]

That's up to you. I can't make that call for you.

[Caller]

No, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. Well, I. I feel better about having a little bit more clarity on, you know, the whole. The whole situation.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah. But for whatever it's worth, a 60 year old, like, gawking at 20 year old, that just gross. It just is. And that. I hate that. Like, that's just me, man. It's not. It's not. I had the same conversation with middle school boys recently. So there you go. You're not crazy, Shirley. You're pretty great. And you're worth that work and you're worth the directive. Hard conversations in your house. Thank you so, so much for the call. We come back, a woman wrestles with how to help her daughter see sex and marriage in a positive light. I've gotta tell you about Poncho, my favorite line of shirts in the world. If you've seen me on this show, on stages across the country, on social media, I'm almost always wearing poncho shirts. I wear poncho when I'm fishing in the Gulf. And I was wearing poncho shirts all weekend while I was mowing out on my little mini farm out here in Nashville. Listen, I'm telling you, you should wear Poncho, too, because Poncho makes the absolute best outdoor performance shirts for men in the world, period. I love their denims and their insanely soft flannels, but it's super hot now in the summer, and so I'm wearing Poncho's ultralight shirts, too. They're lightweight and they're breathable, yet they're tough enough to handle whatever chaos my day brings. Everything from travel to being up to my chest fishing in the surf or doing yard work. These shirts move with you and not against you. They dry fast, and they don't cling or bunch up. And they come in slim or regular fit so you don't look like a circus tent. Here's what I want you to do. Head over to ponchooutdoors.com DeLoney and check out the selection of my favorite shirts there, like the Laramie and the Buffalo and more. Right now, new poncho customers get 10 bucks off your first purchase. When you sign up with your email, go to ponchooutdoors.com Deloney to get 10 bucks off. That's ponchooutdoors.com DeLoney for the best outdoor performance shirts for men, period. All right, let's go out to Wisconsin. Wisconsin and talk to Beth. What's up, beth?

[Caller]

Hi there, Dr. John.

[Dr. John Delony]

What's up?

[Caller]

I'm doing good. All right. I've got a caveat. This with my daughter is the one who actually asked me to talk to you.

[Dr. John Delony]

Oh, fantastic. Okay.

[Caller]

So I think. I think she actually is more excited to hear your answer than I am, but that's. Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Very cool.

[Caller]

So my. My question is, so have my husband and I ruined our daughter for life in regards to intimacy and marriage, or can we salvage the mess we made, especially since we have five more kids after her?

[Dr. John Delony]

I want to stop you right there. The answer to that is yes. Okay? Period. End of story. And I want you to never use the word salvage again.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dr. John Delony]

Okay.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John Delony]

You may have done things in a different way. You may have had, like, boundaries, and you may have talked about stuff in a certain way and you're seeing it lived out. But nobody's a car wreck, okay? Nobody is a scrapped heap of metal that you have to try to take a hammer to and ping back into a new shape. Okay?

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John Delony]

Cool.

[Caller]

Yep. That's cool.

[Dr. John Delony]

All right. All right. So I don't even know what we're talking about here. Other. So go ahead. But yes answer is yes.

[Caller]

Everybody is redeemable all right, awesome.

That's wonderful to hear. Sorry, I'm. Didn't realize I was gonna react that way.

[Dr. John Delony]

Oh, you're okay. You're okay.

[Caller]

Okay. All right. So the question, I guess comes from conversations we've had with her recently. She's 16 and we, we've. So we've. My husband and I have been married for 19 years and we're kind of the sappy, like, never stopped being newlyweds couple.

[Dr. John Delony]

Awesome. Okay.

[Caller]

And we are very open with talking with our kids about intimacy, about relationships, about, you know, just all of the things that are, you know, the birds and the bees and all those things. We've. We've never, like, made it taboo in our home, but I grew up in a home that was very taboo. And so, like, part of my concerns come from thinking that I might have overcompensated and been maybe too open. But my husband grew up in a more, I guess not taboo home, but it was more. He was just kind of left to explore things on his own. So we're stumbling about because this is the first time we've raised kids and we've got 16 year old and it moves down from there. Youngest is 2. And so we've had conversations with our oldest, 3, 11, 14, 16. And my 16 year old just seems to feel like, well, some of her conversation will come out with like, I can't stand the thought of being forced to be naked with somebody. And she says things like, can I get married and adopt kids and, and not share a room with my husband? Things like that. And so, yeah, so I'm just trying to figure out if this is normal. I don't know because I, I didn't grow up with that. We didn't have conversations like this. And I'm trying to not like, I don't want to take it personally because. But there's sometimes when she talks that I feel like she almost thinks that Jake and I, or that my husband and I are. Are gross.

[Dr. John Delony]

Listen, listen. If a 16 year old sees their parents dancing and smooching in the kitchen and they are like, oh, yeah, I can't wait, then I would tell you, y' all should probably go see somebody pretty quick, right? They're supposed to look at their parents and go, oh, gosh, gross. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Yeah. Yeah. And so I guess, yeah, I don't, I don't expect her to think we're all cool and everything like that. I just. Some of the things she says makes me worry that she's like, have we instilled a fear in her that we didn't intend to do when we talked to her about intimacy and relationships.

[Dr. John Delony]

I think it is way too premature.

[Caller]

Okay?

[Dr. John Delony]

Way, way, way too premature. Because take the flip side, you've listened to this show. I've taken the exact opposite call. I have a 16 year old who's super sexually active. We think we ruined our kid. Right. And so I don't know many parents who look at their 16 year olds. I have a 15 year old son and I don't know any. Maybe they exist. I don't know any parents that looks at being at their teenage kids and they're like, I'm crushing this, right?

[Caller]

Yeah, no, not at all.

[Dr. John Delony]

And so I. Obviously, out of respect for my son, I'm not going to talk about our personal things, but there's philosophical things we discuss and I'm like, what?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Did you grow up in the same house I've been living in for 50? Right. And here's the thing. I want him to explore the boundaries of some of those feelings and some of those things. And I can I just tell you this, the fact that you have a 16 year old who will open up to you about this stuff means y' all are crushing it. Okay? And some 16 year olds are super curious about what it would feel like to have somebody's hands on their body. And some 16 year olds are super curious about what would it feel like to give birth. And some 16 year olds are like, the thought of somebody's hands on me makes me tense up. And there's not a. I would just tell you as mom and dad whom. Exhale. Okay. I'm way more worried about a kid absorbing the tension of the interaction than I am about a 16 year old exploring their 16 year old thoughts.

[Caller]

Okay. My daughter is absolutely brilliant and amazing and beautiful and I absolutely love our midnight conversations. Even when she comes in after I'm already asleep and she just wants to talk. And like I never had that growing up. So it's just, it's something that I treasure with her. And so it's just one of those things where it's like some of the thoughts that she comes up with are just like, they're so opposite to what I thought at her age, you know, And I, I'm not expecting her to be a carbon copy of me.

[Dr. John Delony]

No. In fact, here's the thing. You've been very intentional about. Intentional about her not becoming a carbon copy of you.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And so let's celebrate the fact that she's thinking about things and More importantly, she is knocking on your door at midnight.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

There. I, I can't think of a greater gift for a kid than knowing I have some crazy thoughts. It's midnight. I'm gonna go talk to my mom.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

That's magic. And to your 16 year old, if you let her listen to this. Good. For. Keep going to your mom and dad for some of these crazy conversations.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And you've given your kid, at least your oldest kid, an avenue that is, we're a safe place for you to land with all of your bananas. Thoughts. Right. And I love that. I love it, I love it. And so yes, it can it. I don't know a parent that has a kid that comes in and is open with them, that they don't go, oh gosh. And most of that is because we don't remember the thoughts that we had when we were 16. We think we do, but we don't really.

[Caller]

I have 13 years of journals, actually.

[Dr. John Delony]

Oh, well, okay. You may, you may actually have them. Yeah.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And so you and I both know that we made some really strong proclamations when we were 16.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And then reality happened to our life. Right. And I'm guessing you've already had these conversations, but I always want, when, when a 16, 17, 18 year old draws really firm and I would say very specific boundaries. I don't want a man's hand on my body.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

The thought of being next to a man makes me physically ill. Yeah. I am going to ask different questions.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Has that ever happened before? Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable before? And no matter how good our relationships are with our kids and it's without a doubt, other than telling somebody that your kid has passed away, which I've had to do. By far the worst is telling parents sitting with a child telling, I mean it's a child, but they're a teenager or a college student sitting with them telling their parents, this happened to me. And the parents literally have no idea.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Right. And so if somebody's drawing very specific boundaries, I will have that extra conversation. And I will have that, by the way, I've had that with my 9 year old. I'm not, I'm, I've, I just been to too many of those meetings, too many of those conversations that I'm, I'm gonna have those conversations regardless.

[Caller]

Yeah, for sure. For sure. Yeah. We, we've actually had that sit down conversation with her at a couple different phases in her life, but.

[Dr. John Delony]

Amazing.

[Caller]

Recently. Yeah, recently. Bringing that up and asking her, has that happened? Do you Feel com. Uncomfortable around certain men or women. You know is there are other people who make you feel uncomfortable and have you been touched inappropriately? Those types of things. So yeah, we have asked those questions.

[Dr. John Delony]

Can I just tell you, dude, no. You're hitting this out of the park.

[Caller]

Oh my gosh. I feel like I'm failing most days.

[Dr. John Delony]

You know why? Because you're a parent. Well, no worse. I mean men feel like that every second of every day. But there's less of the industrial complex that's against men is just like y' all just suck. Y' all are just the worst. The, the, the industrial guilt complex that that is leaned up against women is you can't win. There's no way to win.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

If you talk too much, you're going to ruin your kids. If you don't talk, you're going to ruin your kids. Why by the way, why aren't you working? We worked really hard for you to be able to have a full time job because you're only worth is the money you bring in. Oh, you're just gonna let other people raise your kids. Wow. What a terrible. Like you can't win.

[Caller]

Yeah, right.

[Dr. John Delony]

What I don't want you to do. And this is, this is me. This is a pot talking to the kettle here. Okay. I don't want our existential angst about our quote unquote performance as parents. I don't want our kids to ever feel like they have to hold that up because they can't carry that weight.

[Caller]

Yeah, sure.

[Dr. John Delony]

Right. And so maybe laughingly or cryingly or a mixture of both. Tell our kids every parent feels like they could be doing a better job. And all of that comes from one thing. We just want our kids to grow up and have a great life.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And it's not your job, 16 year old daughter of mine to prop that up for me. And you can smile and say I thought that too when I was 16. And then your dad walked by and. Oh yeah. And she's like Rose, right?

[Caller]

Yeah. Part of it.

[Dr. John Delony]

Part of it, right? Yeah. But man, you're checking every box I have for a parent who's trying to be the best parent of a 16 year old young. 16 year old girl heading into womanhood. That I can imagine.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. John Delony]

That you're giving your daughter a real picture of a woman who loves her husband. You're giving her a real picture of. I like it when he kisses me. So there you go. I like it when he hugs me in the kitchen. And if he's being too gropy There's a point when it gets too much.

[Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And like, and there's a point when I like to pull away and go hang out with my girlfriends. And like, and hey, daughter, no matter what you're going through, I'm a safe place for you.

[Caller]

Yeah, Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

And so I'll speak to your 16 year old. 16 year old, if you're hearing this and there are things you haven't told your mom, if she's a safe person, I want you to talk to her about it. And if she's not, your job as a 16 year old is to find an adult that you trust that you can have some of these conversations with with. But Beth, it sounds like you're crushing it.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. John Delony]

Pretty awesome. Thank you so much for the call. We come back. A husband struggles to trust his wife after she bought alcohol for their underage son. Okay, let's get cozy. You know that I love adventures and I love being out there in the world. But I'm telling you, by the end of the day, I'm ready to shut it down. And when I do, I want my bed soft and cool and ridiculously comfortable. Which is exactly what Cozy Earth in their amazing sheets deliver. Their bamboo sheets are super breathable, they regulate temperature, and they wick away heat and moisture. I sleep cooler with my Cozy Earth sheets. And I love them. And it's not just me. My family's hooked on these sheets too. And we've also got a Cozy Earth cuddle blanket that we all fight over. And it's so big, we can all fit underneath it sometimes. And this thing is ridiculous. It's ultra soft, it's plush, and it's got some weight to it without being too heavy. It's like an anxiety blanket combined with a hug from your grandmother, all at the same time. It's amazing. Cozy Earth can help you build a space that's a retreat for your family like they have for me and my wife and my kids. Go to cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney for 40% off your entire order. And if you get a post purchase survey, tell them you heard about Cozy Earth right here on this show. That's cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney to save 40 off. Your bed should be more than just a place to sleep. It should be your happy place. Cozy Earth makes that possible. All right, we're back. Hey, Take two seconds real quick, real quick and subscribe to the show or like the show or do whatever you do on the Internet. To tell the overlords that you like this show, share it with a friend. It makes such a difference for the algorithms and for our listeners and just puts the hand the show in the hands of more people and it's for free. It doesn't cost you anything, just takes two seconds of your time. Thank you so much for that. Let's go out to Columbia, South Carolina and talk to Aaron. What's up, Aaron?

[Caller]

Hello, Dr. John. How are you doing today?

[Dr. John Delony]

Doing great, brother. What's up, man?

[Caller]

So recently I was going through our 19 year old's bedroom after I had been looking for something else that I was suspecting was coming to the house or that he had received and was hiding.

[Dr. John Delony]

What was that?

[Caller]

Ed pills. So that's basically a completely different rabbit hole. But in the process of looking for those, I discovered alcohol that he had hidden in the room. Discovered a few lower beatbox was one a box of four Seagrams but only one bottle was in was in the bedroom. One empty bottle at the time was in the bedroom. And a tall boy was in the bedroom as well.

[Dr. John Delony]

Prior to discovering Seagrams and then tall boys.

[Caller]

Yes, there was, there's one tall boy, the Seagrams. And before this there had been a, a Seagrams of that same flavor in our refrigerator that had been half, half consumed. And I asked my wife who's whose it was and she said it was hers. And so when I found this several about a week and a half later, I was like, that's weird. So confronted my son about it and he said yep, that was it was his and that his mother had bought it for him and that he had venmoed her $10 for it. And so I brought her into the conversation. I was like, hey, when I asked you whose alcohol this was, you said it was yours, but yet I found this empty bottle here in his closet. And I found the box here in his closet. So who, whose was this? She was like, oh no, I bought it for me. I'm like, but he venmoed you $10 for this? She's like, no, it was mine. And so then I asked her, I said, well, how many did you, did you drink? She said, one. And then he was like, no, I drank like three of them. So I'm having a really difficult time getting, getting past this.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah, you should. Has your wife come clean?

[Caller]

No, it's, it's still the, the last conversation we had about it was that conversation and it's, it was hers. And this is the culmination of about 18 years of.

[Dr. John Delony]

I was going to say this doesn't happen in a vaccine. She's been doing this your whole life, huh?

[Caller]

Yes.

[Dr. John Delony]

Man. I'm sorry.

[Caller]

It's. It's one of those things that I just don't know how to continue to move forward and other stresses within our relationship as well, so.

[Dr. John Delony]

Well, yeah, I mean, this is just like a. It's. Forget buying alcohol for underage pe. I mean, it's just staring you down and line to your face and more importantly, lying to your face in front of your son. So he's getting a ringside seat to what integrity is supposed to look like.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

So did she dump all this on him? Like. No, he just got it and brought it into the house.

[Caller]

No, she. She didn't even try to do anything like that.

[Dr. John Delony]

I know, but that's. That's the. That's the sub message here, right?

[Caller]

Yes. Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

No, actually, your son. Our son is a liar.

[Caller]

Right?

[Dr. John Delony]

My God, dude. Who does that to their child?

[Caller]

I don't know.

[Dr. John Delony]

Bro. I'm sorry, man. Tell me other ways she's been dishonest with you.

[Caller]

There.

I mean, over the. For many years. I mean, pretty much since year one. Always wanting divorce if anything doesn't go her way. I'm the first worst person in the world has accused me of having affairs whenever I worked late. I work in an industry that over the years has required 50, 60 hours a week, if not more sometimes, and would constantly hear, oh, you're having an affair, you're having. I have no time to have an affair, much less keep. Keep you happy in. In this. In the same. At the same time.

[Dr. John Delony]

How many affairs has she had?

[Caller]

None, to my knowledge.

[Dr. John Delony]

Almost always. The pervasive accusation comes from the knowledge that they're not being on the up and up on their side.

[Caller]

Gotcha.

[Dr. John Delony]

That's not a hundred percent true, but that's one of the first places I always go to look when somebody's accusing. Like, you're taking money, you're taking money, you're taking money. I always want to know, like, where are you spending your money?

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

Because it's a way to try. And somehow intellectually, it's. It's a psychological truism. But I need to balance this existentially because I know we're out of balance, and that's how I can do it.

[Caller]

I think. I think a lot. I think a lot of those accusations were her family members putting that in her ear. I don't know that it was necessarily things she may have been doing.

[Dr. John Delony]

Okay, can I challenge you on something completely wrong.

[Caller]

Sure.

[Dr. John Delony]

How long have you been making excuses for her?

[Caller]

For the vast majority of our marriage.

[Dr. John Delony]

That's right. And so that's, I mean, this is me just loving you best I can, man. That's, that's, that's your choice moving forward.

[Caller]

Sure is.

[Dr. John Delony]

I'm gonna ask my 19 year old to move out because it's not a, it's not a safe place. Forget the fact she bought him some wine Coars, for crying out loud. It's not a safe place because he's in the home of somebody who is a pathological liar and who is willing to throw him under the bus. Right.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

It's the reason I would tell my son if he was 19, hey, don't be alone with X, Y and Z person. Not because I think you're gonna do something, but because you're going to be indefensible if they do something.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

And it's, it's you protecting your son. It's time for you to move out. You're 19. It's time for you to go get your own place, get a job and get going.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Because this house isn't safe for you because your mom will throw you under the bus here.

[Caller]

Right. And that's, and that's the point we're trying to get him to, is, is to get him to finishes, get his GED done, to get to start in a career of some sort. He is, he is working.

[Dr. John Delony]

I know, but why in the world would he do that? He's got it made.

[Caller]

Right. He's got a safety net of his, of his mom and I.

[Dr. John Delony]

Right. He's got your money and her cover.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

I mean, he's, he, I mean he's not going to suddenly just develop integrity like that's got to be earned under the squat rack of life. And that only comes from the weight of responsibility. Yeah, but that's not what you called. I mean, you can either for the first time in 18 years or longer say, I'm not going to make excuses for you anymore. Or you can continue to continue to say, this is my life and I'm going to keep the peace here and we're just going to let him move out and we're going to go on to the next thing.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

And I'm just gonna, I'm tell you right now, brother, I'm brokenhearted for you, man.

[Caller]

Yeah. Because that's, that's the reality. I feel like I'm coming to. Is it, is, do I, do I take the next step and say, okay, this. This has been 18 years, and it's time for me to. Time for me to move on. And then I am possibly able to give our other kids the ability to say, hey, I'm. I'm stepping away, and y' all can have a safe place here. Here at my place. Or.

[Dr. John Delony]

I. I think the place to start. I think the place to start is only with I. Statements. I have made excuses. And honestly, I have been equally dishonest for 18 years. Just on the other side of the coin. I have permitted myself to be in a relationship with somebody that accuses me, that threatens me, that lies about me, lies to me, lies about my kids, and on and on and on. And my guess is you're being. You're. You're holding a firm line of dignity, because if you were probably to unload all of it on me on this call, it'd be a lot, wouldn't it?

[Caller]

I. I could take up an entire hour, if not more.

[Dr. John Delony]

I know you could. I know. And it breaks. That's to say I'm heartbroken for you. But I want you. As you decide what to do next, I don't want it to be in response to, you've been doing these things to me for 18 years, and that's the easy path, but that's always you running from something, not towards something. I want you to run to a life of lived integrity. Meaning I am going to look in the mirror and I am going to say, I have dishonestly covered for you for 18 years, and that ends today.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

And then through that new lens, that new pair of glasses you're going to put on, which is. I'm not lying for you. I'm not making up excuses for you. I'm not allowing my home to be filled with deception. I. I'm. I'm putting my foot down there. Then you get to decide what is next, because that's you going towards something.

[Caller]

Correct.

[Dr. John Delony]

And there is no easy path forward because she will try to crucify you. Right?

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

You'll be the bad guy. You'll be the guy that walked out on our family. Your dad's horrible and all that stuff, and probably you've been dealing with that for a long time anyway, right?

[Caller]

Correct.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah. And it will be very hard to stay. And so it's just about choose your hard. And in five years from now, what does peace look like, and how do we get there? How many kids do you have?

[Caller]

Three.

[Dr. John Delony]

How old are they?

[Caller]

My stepson is 19. Our daughter's 18. And our youngest son is 15.

[Dr. John Delony]

Okay, so you're right in the middle of it, but you're watching. You're watching a lifetime of this interaction. It's, this is when you start to see it crystallize. Right. Materialize into, oh, they're becoming adults. And I'm seeing this stuff replay itself. Right?

[Caller]

Yep.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah.

[Caller]

The shield I thought I could provide is not as big as it, as I hoped it would have been.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah. Because it's in the air, right. It's, it's, it's the air people breathe and it's, it's in a home or it's the water everybody drinks. It's just there, Right?

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

The tension and the deception and all that. If you choose to leave, you're. You're making a choice. And actually I'm not even going to say that. From this point forward, I want you to shift your mind, your thinking to 10 years from now. Who is my 19 year old stepson gonna be when he's 29? Because you're gonna face an onslaught of mom. If you draw the line, you're. Who is my 15 year old daughter gonna be at 25? Right. Her son. I forgot who's who. But like, you instantly go into a 10 year game and you're gonna live your life with such dignity and respect and such full integrity that they will get the sense over time, oh, my dad wasn't nuts. But there will also come a moment when they're going to look at you and say, why didn't you protect us? And it's just, it's just knowing that day's coming.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

And I would start with my 19 year old. Now, I refuse to let your mother throw you under the bus in our house. I'm sorry, she should not do that. But she's calling you a liar and I don't want to have that.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Did he show you the Venmo receipt?

[Caller]

He did not. I didn't, I didn't ask for it.

[Dr. John Delony]

Okay. I would, I'd want to know, you know what I mean?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John Delony]

Because maybe he's learned from mom's deception over the years. I'm just trying to play devil's advocate to myself. But maybe he got busted, right? And he's like, no, no, mom bought it for me. She's like, what are you talking about? I didn't. Sounds like your gut knows that to be true. But I'd want to see the receipt.

[Caller]

Yeah, he. Back last year we had a, we had a big blowout between she and I and she'd asked me to leave. And after that took place, he texted me and said, hey, you might want to check the, the bank account. And she had taken every, every dime out of the account and when we had bills coming up to be paid.

So.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah, you got a mess, man. I'm sorry.

[Caller]

Yes, sir.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah. And for, for whatever it's worth, this may be small potatoes here, but you've developed a relationship with this 19 year old that he's willing to, There's a sense in a, in a 19 year old that of loyalty. It's a real important thing. And he overrode his sense of loyalty to his birth mom to tell you, hey, she's not being on the up and up. And that's, that tells me you've done a lot to create some sort of relationship with him, which is great.

[Caller]

Yeah, I think I've been about the only stable person in his life.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Since he, since I was been in his license. This is nine months old.

[Dr. John Delony]

That's awesome. Well, kudos to you, brother.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. John Delony]

And I'm never gonna beat somebody up retroactively for trying to keep a family together.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John Delony]

That's hard, man. And you've probably got wind, burn and scars all over your body for trying to keep that, that thing together, right?

[Caller]

Absolutely.

[Dr. John Delony]

Yeah. So kudos to you, man.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. John Delony]

However I can help moving forward, brother, I don't have a great answer for you other than whatever path you choose is going to be challenging one. And I just, my, my ask of you is don't sacrifice the long term peace in your life and in those kids lives for short term peace. Right. For the illusion of peace for a short term arms agreement. Right. And protect yourself as you move forward.

[Caller]

Absolutely right, man.

[Dr. John Delony]

Blessings, brother. Call anytime if I can help. Kind of heartbroken. I mean, kind of. I am just going to sit here and mourn it with you and yeah, that's all I'll say. Blessings moving forward, man. Call me anytime. We'll be right back. All right, it's time for a quick word about Delete me. Listen, do you feel like your digital footprint is starting to feel like a digital trail leading bad guys and scammers right back to you, to your phone, to your car, to your house. And now scammers are using phishing attacks. That's phishing with a ph, where they try to trick you into giving them something by pretending to know you and to want to help you out. You might get an email or a text or a phone call and the person or the AI bot on the other end sounds like Someone who's trying to help you out or look out for you, and they're not. They're trying to get all your information with all of these new technological advancements. And by the way, every minute of every day, there's some new technological advancement coming out that's supposed to save us or take our lives from us. No one is really safe. What are we supposed to do with all of this transition happening all at the same time? First, you can control what you can. You can learn about how to be careful online and offline. And you can sign up with Delete Me. I use and personally recommend Deleteme because they work in the background to reduce my online presence and get my information out of the hands of creepy data brokers. I don't want people that I don't know having my personal information and trying to sell it to everybody. Deleteme has reviewed over tens of thousands of sites for me, and they've removed my data from hundreds of them, which has saved me countless hours and a ton of stress. Stop the phishing attacks and the harassment and the other online threats before they start and take control of your digital privacy. With Delete me, go to joindeleteme.com DeLoney today for 20% off the annual plan that comes out to less than nine bucks a month. That's joindeleteme.com DeLoney go check them out. Hey, we're back on. Take a quick minute. So this show, we record it a month out, you know, three or four weeks out. Right now, I've got family, I've got friends who are just sorting through this flooding disaster that's happened in my home state of Texas. And if some of you all, you know, the news cycle moves so fast and May has already blown by all this stuff. But I've just been glued to the news, into my phone and to my friends as they've been undergoing rescue efforts and trying to find those little girls that ultimately they weren't able to find. And hearing the stories of heroism that's popped up all over the place and even to. I've got family members that. That, I mean, are. Right now, their house is completely gutted and they're trying to figure out what's up and what's down. It's just been a nightmare. I just gotta say this. My wife was in the car on the way home to go to one of our family members and just help them begin. I mean, it's everything from laying out photo albums to they got to pull every piece of sheetrock out of everything and every appliance is gone, and maybe the house will make it, maybe all that stuff. And she was driving, and the first stop out of Nashville is three hours away. She stopped in Memphis to get some gas and need some coffee. And the guy's like, where you head? And she said, I'm headed to Texas. And he said, oh, my. Do you have family there? And she said, yeah, I'm going to see my family. And the guy said, you're not. You're not paying for this coffee. And he said, thank you for going down there to help them out and anything I can do. But he gave her my wife free coffee. And she said she just started crying at the register and said, thank you. And then out of nowhere, a friend venmoed some money. And then people from church showed up with a refrigerator they could plug in down in the shop and down back that only got 8 inches of water instead of a foot or whatever. And then these stories come in. My buddy's wife and daughter were stuck in a lakehouse on top of a hill, and they medac out the the elderly mother. But there has just been story after story of kind, amazing, good people all over the country sending money, putting their life on the line, giving free coffee, cutting somebody a deal. My wife just texted and said, hey, if you can say publicly, the guy who showed up with the throwaway bin just waived the fee for my family members and let him throw away all, like, a couple of tons worth of appliances and furniture. Our stuff's just trash. It's. I mean, here's the thing. Our media outlets are just full of politics and hate and anger and rage and blame. It took about 2 seconds for this thing to get to political. Let me just tell you, there are so many freaking good people out there who are giving away coffee, who are showing up with hammers, who are stopping work and taking off or open up their checking accounts, whatever they can do. Can I just tell you, there's kind, wonderful people, every freaking corner of this place, of this country, we live in of neighborhoods that you live in. They are everywhere. And so here's my challenge. Turn off the negativity and the madness and just know they're good people and go be that good person. Just get online and find someplace where you can send 15 bucks, help out the person across the street, show up with a casserole, just venmo a buddy some money, and say, hey, I just thinking about you today and I love you. Here's some coffee. Go get some coffee. Go be that kind person out in the world. I'm telling you because I'm watching it play out in real time in my family's life, in my friend's life, in my. In my old community's life. There are great, wonderful people freaking everywhere. We've been sold a bill of goods that everyone is bad and they're not. They're not. So thank you all for everyone who's shown up, who have prayed for all these families who are going to sit with people for years after this madness and this grief and horror. And thank you for everybody who is just deciding I'm going to turn the news off and I'm going to show up in my neighborhoods and my communities, and I'm going to be that kind, helping person.

[Caller]

It.

[Dr. John Delony]

As the Great Fred Rogers, Mr. Rogers once said, look for the helpers. And if you're looking around, there's no helpers, then go be the helper. I love you guys, and I'm proud to be a part of communities that show up for each other. I love you guys. Y' all have a good one. Bye.