My Husband Hasn’t Followed Through With Leaving - The Dr. John Delony Show

Transcript

Caller 1 (Lisa) (0:05)

Eight months ago, he shared that he wanted to separate. We have two young kids and I don't want to instill this, like, wishy washy value into them.

John DeLoney (0:16)

If we were having a longer conversation and we were sitting down, like having nachos or something, I would take a lot longer to get to where I'm about to go. Okay. Hey, what's going on? This is John with the doctor, your John DeLoney show coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee, taking real calls from people all over the planet about their mental and emotional health, their relationships, their marriages, their kids, whatever they got going on in their life. I got two PhDs. I've been sitting with hurting people for more than two decades. And that's what we do on the show. Just try to figure out what's the next right move. If you want to be on the show, I'd love to have you go to john deloney.com, ask a s k, fill out the form. I don't take questions and answers on social media, but I would love for you to write in with what's going on in your life. And if we pick you for the show, we'll holler back girl at you. Kelly ain't no holler back girl. Allegedly. But she produces the show. She's awesome, and she'll call you and get you on. And I would love to sit and talk with you. Let's go out to Baltimore, Maryland and talk to Lisa. What's up, Lisa?

Caller 1 (Lisa) (1:26)

Hi, Dr. John. How are you?

John DeLoney (1:27)

I'm doing all right. How about you?

Caller 1 (Lisa) (1:30)

I'm. I'm great.

John DeLoney (1:31)

No, you're not. You wouldn't be calling me if you're great. What's going on?

Caller 1 (Lisa) (1:37)

So my husband has been sharing some, like, second mixed signals, I guess after about eight months ago, he shared that he wanted to separate, which kind of blindsided me. We had always said that, like, we weren't interested and we didn't, like, necessarily believe in separating and divorce and all of that. So after he said that, like I said, it's been eight months and nothing really has happened. The only time I notice that things are happening is like kind of in response to something that I've said, something that a therapist has said, and nothing like it's just like him making a move. So really my question is we have two young kids and I don't want to instill this, like, wishy washy value into them. So I'm just really not sure what the next move is.

John DeLoney (2:36)

Yeah, A, that breaks my heart for you, like being relationally blindsided. I Think is one of the most off kiltering things a person can experience when it's a true blindside. Right. Like, didn't see this. If we were having a longer conversation and we were sitting down, like having nachos or something, I would take a lot longer to get to where I'm about to go. Okay.

Summary

The Dr. John Delony Show – Episode Summary

Episode Title: My Husband Hasn’t Followed Through With Leaving
Release Date: March 18, 2026
Host: Dr. John Delony, Ramsey Network
Episode Theme: Navigating marital crisis, family stability, and emotional health during turbulent relationships.

Episode Overview

This episode centers on challenging marital situations—spouses in turmoil, betrayal, and the emotional fallout on families—through real calls with listeners. Dr. Delony, drawing on decades of experience with hurting people, helps callers confront crises in their marriages: from a husband who threatened to leave but hasn’t acted, to a family’s struggle with infidelity, and another household gripped by emotional abuse. The underlying message is about taking courageous steps towards clarity, autonomy, and safety for oneself and one’s children.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. When a Spouse Threatens to Leave but Stays (Caller: Lisa)

Lisa’s Situation (01:26-03:53):
- Lisa’s husband announced his intent to separate 8 months ago, with little follow-through.
- Lisa fears the uncertainty is teaching “wishy-washy values” to their two young kids.
- Stuck between wanting stability for her family and not wanting to force a separation.
Dr. Delony’s Direct Approach (03:07-05:25):
- Calls for direct communication, stating that not addressing a relational “crack” doesn’t heal it.
- "If somebody throws something into a pool...not talking about that brick doesn't make it any less real." (05:24 - John Delony)
Digging Deeper: Why Did the Separation Come Up? (06:00-07:36):
- Lisa describes intimacy issues during pregnancy and postpartum.
- Additional stresses: health issues, husband disconnecting from friends, and possible alcohol problems.
- Dr. Delony empathizes with Lisa, calling her husband’s complaints during this period “stupid and wrong and bullheaded and insensitive and just stupid.” (06:49)
Analysis of Husband’s Behavior (08:05-11:21):
- Suggests husband may be self-destructing due to substance use or emotional crises.
- “He burned what y’all had to the ground.” (09:40)
Actionable Framework for Conversation (11:47-13:59):
- Framework:
  1. Request a focused, hard conversation.
  2. Set boundaries (no drinking, no distractions).
  3. “Here’s what I’m seeing.”
  4. “Here’s the story I’m making up about that.”
  5. “Here’s how I feel.”
  6. “Here’s what I’m going to do next.”
- This method reclaims Lisa’s autonomy and invites honest dialogue.
Facing Reality (14:15-17:20):
- Lisa acknowledges the need for a “bulldoze and rebuild” for the marriage to heal, especially with ongoing alcohol issues.
- Dr. Delony points out: “Clarity is kindness to you. It's kindness to your kids and it's kindness to him.” (15:15)
Notable Moment:
- “You're a grown adult. You can stay and just keep putting up with this for as long as you want. I just need you to hear me say, you're worth more than that. And so are your kids, and so is he, and so is your marriage.” (16:42 - John Delony)

2. Forgiveness, Boundaries, and Betrayal (Caller: Kim)

Kim’s Story (23:15-25:55):
- Kim’s husband had an affair—discovered by their 11-year-old daughter who found incriminating texts.
- Kim is concerned about modeling forgiveness and boundaries for her daughters during repair.
The Need for Truth:
- Kim admits she doesn’t feel like she knows the full story or can trust her husband (25:28).
- Dr. Delony stresses, “You can't rebuild a building on top of an old building site until that building has completely been removed.” (25:56)
- Recent betrayal: her husband resumed contact with the affair partner, breaching “no contact” boundaries.
Establishing Boundaries and Consequences (26:30-27:25):
- The absence of “or what” after a boundary (no contact) leads to ongoing pain.
- Dr. Delony: “He's spit in your face.” (26:51)
On Parenting During Crisis (27:07-31:07):
- Encourages Kim not to “outsource” difficult decisions to her children.
- “This isn’t the moment for that” regarding teaching her daughters about forgiveness; instead, focus on taking charge and modeling sturdiness.
- “I think your kids are experiencing—nobody's in charge in this house right now.” (30:19)
Ultimatums and Non-Negotiables:
- Dr. Delony bluntly advises: husband must choose between his job (where affair partner works) or the marriage.
- “Because you're never going to be able to sleep at night knowing he's going right back to that same place with that woman.” (32:06)
- “You can't make him do anything. The only person you can control is you.” (34:35)
Letting Go of the Past (35:54-36:05):
- “What you had is over. You can build something amazing and new and powerful...but what you had doesn’t exist anymore because your husband blew it up.”

3. Emotional Abuse and Children’s Safety (Caller: Stephanie)

Stephanie’s Experience (38:31-43:41):
- Husband has “anger issues”: yells until kids cry, throws and breaks objects.
- Dr. Delony immediately reframes this as “not anger issues,” but emotional abuse and dangerous behavior.
Gaslighting and Denial (40:18-41:47):
- Husband claims Stephanie is only “projecting” her feelings onto the kids.
- Dr. Delony is blunt: “That is gaslighting 101.”
On Abuse and Responsibility (41:49-43:37):
- Abuse doesn’t require intention; it’s about control through fear and harm.
- “No man scream so loud that he makes children cry...No man is so out of control...that he has to smash things.”
- Dr. Delony checks for escalation and physical violence; Stephanie is concerned about worsening trend.
Support and Safety Plan (44:20-48:06):
- Addresses isolation (moved far from her own family, limited support).
- Dr. Delony arranges access to therapy and urges finding local, non-family support, emphasizing: “No wife, no child should be terrified of their father, of their husband. And you’re worth more.”

Notable Quotes

On Facing Marital Blindsides:
"Being relationally blindsided…is one of the most off-kiltering things a person can experience." (02:36, John Delony)
On Clarity:
“Clarity is kindness to you. It's kindness to your kids and it's kindness to him.” (15:15, John Delony)
On Abuse:
“That is a completely disregulated adult male. It's a dangerous person to be around.” (39:18, John Delony)
On Marital Boundaries:
“What you had is over. You can build…something amazing and new…but what you had doesn’t exist anymore because your husband blew it up.” (36:05, John Delony)
On Self-Worth:
“You're a grown adult…You're worth more than that. And so are your kids, and so is he, and so is your marriage.” (16:42, John Delony)

Timestamps for Key Segments

Caller #1 (Lisa):
- Situation Introduction: 01:26
- Relationship Crisis & Husband's Mixed Signals: 03:07–06:00
- Alcohol/Personal Crisis Discussion: 08:05–11:21
- Framework for Hard Conversations: 11:47–13:59
- Facing a ‘Bulldoze and Rebuild’ Marriage: 14:15–17:20
- Emphasis on Self-Worth: 16:42
Caller #2 (Kim):
- Affair Discovery by Daughter: 23:15–25:55
- Lacking Trust/Full Truth: 25:28–26:24
- Repeated Betrayal & Boundaries: 26:30–27:25
- Parental Leadership During Chaos: 27:07–31:07
- Job vs. Marriage Ultimatum: 32:01–32:17
- Letting Go of Past Relationship: 35:54–36:05
Caller #3 (Stephanie):
- Emotional Abuse Description: 38:31–39:18
- Husband’s Gaslighting: 40:18–41:47
- Abuse Definition: 41:49–43:37
- Support System Discussion: 44:20–48:06

Episode Tone & Style

Empathetic, Direct, and Supportive: Dr. DeLony delivers tough truths with compassion but doesn’t sugarcoat difficult realities.
Encouraging Autonomy and Safety: Repeatedly emphasizes that callers' safety, well-being, and self-worth are paramount.
Clear Role Modeling: Advocates for direct communication, clear boundaries, and taking responsibility for one’s own actions.

Final Thoughts

This episode offers a sobering look at the complex realities many people face in their marriages and homes. Dr. John Delony guides callers with actionable strategies—setting boundaries, having courageous conversations, knowing when to take decisive action, and prioritizing personal and child safety above all. The core message: Even in the messiest situations, clarity, self-worth, and sturdy boundaries are acts of kindness for everyone involved.