My Husband’s Lies Are Costing Us Our Home

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. John DeLoney Show – "My Husband’s Lies Are Costing Us Our Home"

Release Date: July 11, 2025
Host: Ramsey Network

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Introduction

In this emotionally charged episode of The Dr. John DeLoney Show, host Dr. John DeLoney delves into the complex interplay between deceit in marital relationships and its profound impact on mental health and family stability. The episode focuses primarily on two callers grappling with severe trust issues stemming from their partners' dishonesty, and extends into discussions about personal integrity and familial relationships.

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Caller Spotlight: Zerk from Salt Lake City, Utah

Zerk’s Predicament
At [00:21], Zerk reaches out with a distressing revelation: her husband of 14 years has been lying about significant financial issues, threatening their home with foreclosure. She shares, “[02:09]...he’s not paying attention and we’re about to lose our house,” highlighting a recurring pattern of financial deceit.

Dr. DeLoney’s Intervention
Dr. DeLoney empathizes deeply with Zerk, noting the gravity of her situation. At [06:31], he bluntly states, “You can’t trust this person again,” emphasizing that without genuine remorse and accountability from her husband, trust is irreparably damaged. He advises Zerk to take immediate and practical steps to regain control:

1. Financial Assessment: At [07:58], Dr. DeLoney prompts Zerk to list their financial needs and review both her and her husband's credit reports. Despite Zerk’s efforts, she discovers limited information, which Dr. DeLoney suspects masks deeper issues such as gambling addiction or substance abuse ([09:00]).

2. Establishing Independence: By [08:38], Zerk has taken steps to open a separate checking account and manage the finances independently, a critical move to safeguard her family’s financial future.

3. Emotional Resilience: Dr. DeLoney encourages Zerk to transition from a state of “eggshells” to proactive problem-solving ([15:35]). He reinforces the necessity for her to prioritize her and her children’s safety over her husband’s continued deceit.

Notable Quotes:

• "You don't have to tell someone that you're inside a burning house. You have to jump." ([07:10] – Paraphrased for clarity)
• "You're not going to take my house from me because you're inept." ([16:10])

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Caller Spotlight: Matt from Harrisonburg, Virginia

Matt’s Struggle with Familial Deception
Matt approaches the show at [22:26], expressing frustration with his father's habitual lying, particularly about chewing tobacco. He explains, “[23:43]...he was doing it around me,” revealing a deep-seated pattern of dishonesty that has affected his trust in relationships.

Dr. DeLoney’s Guidance
Dr. DeLoney addresses Matt’s challenges by focusing on personal integrity and breaking generational cycles of deceit:

1. Commitment to Honesty: At [29:06], Dr. DeLoney urges Matt to make a solemn promise to himself, stating, "Make a commitment right now. I'm never going to lie again." This pledge is foundational for rebuilding trust in his personal relationships.

2. Setting Boundaries: He advises Matt to firmly reject his father’s deceitful behaviors, emphasizing, "I would not call my mother and be like, I've got to tell you a big, deep, dark secret about dad." ([30:27])

3. Personal Accountability: Dr. DeLoney underscores that Matt, as a grown man and a husband, must take responsibility for not perpetuating his father’s dishonesty in his own marriage.

Notable Quotes:

• "You can't carry other people's dishonesty." ([30:39])
• "The world needs a few more straight shooters." ([48:56])

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Additional Caller Insights

Sarah from Dallas, Texas: Genetic Factors in Social Struggles
At [35:34], Sarah seeks advice on her lifelong difficulty in making friends, questioning whether this trait is genetic and how it might affect her future children. Dr. DeLoney explores the possibility of underlying conditions such as Autism Spectrum Disorder, especially given her family history. He encourages Sarah to consider professional evaluation and focuses on developing social skills to improve her interpersonal relationships.

Kelly from San Bernardino, California: Frustration with a Dependent Sibling
Kelly’s call at [50:50] centers around her frustration with her 19-year-old brother who neither works nor attends school. She worries about his future and her parents' enabling behavior. Dr. DeLoney validates her feelings, advising her to focus on what she can control and to seek support in dealing with her brother’s stagnation.

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Concluding Insights

Throughout the episode, Dr. DeLoney offers a blend of empathy and pragmatic advice, emphasizing the importance of personal responsibility, setting boundaries, and seeking professional guidance when dealing with deceit in relationships. He underscores that rebuilding trust and financial stability requires actionable steps and emotional resilience.

Key Takeaways:

• Financial Transparency: Understanding and managing joint finances is crucial in detecting and addressing dishonesty.
• Personal Integrity: Committing to honesty is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.
• Breaking Cycles: Overcoming familial patterns of deceit involves setting firm boundaries and making conscious choices to adopt integrity.

Final Thoughts: Dr. John DeLoney reinforces that while deceit can devastate personal and familial relationships, taking proactive measures and prioritizing one’s well-being and that of their children is paramount for recovery and future stability.

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Notable Quotes Summary:

• [06:31] “You can’t trust this person again.”
• [16:10] “You’re not going to take my house from me because you’re inept.”
• [29:06] “Make a commitment right now. I’m never going to lie again.”
• [30:39] “You can’t carry other people’s dishonesty.”
• [48:56] “The world needs a few more straight shooters.”

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Conclusion

This episode poignantly highlights the ripple effects of dishonesty in marriages and families, offering listeners valuable strategies for navigating and overcoming similar challenges. Dr. DeLoney’s compassionate yet direct approach provides a roadmap for those seeking to reclaim their lives from the shadows of deceit.

Transcript

[Dr. John DeLoney]

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[Zerk]

I've been with my husband for about 14 years. I just found out he's been lying to me for a year and we're about to lose our house. Unfortunately, it's not the first time. He' had some financial scruples in our past.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

This isn't a scruple. He lost. What happened? What up? This is John with the Dr. John DeLoney Show. So glad that you're with us, taking your calls on your mental and emotional health and your relationships. Whatever you got going on in your life, I'd love to have you on the show. Go to johndalony.com. ask real people all across planet Earth going through real stuff. The zoo out there. And my promise is I'll sit here with you. We'll figure out what's the next right move. Let's go to Salt Lake City, Utah and talk to Zerk. What's up, Zerk?

[Zerk]

Oh, you know, doing all right, I guess. Probably not great since we're on the.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Phone, but probably, probably not. What's going on?

[Zerk]

I'm calling because I am. I've been with my husband for about 14 years and probably about a week now. I just found out he's been lying to me for a year on some financial. Big problems. And we were about to lose our house and found out about that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, no.

[Zerk]

Yeah, found out because he came in to grab paperwork. He wasn't going to tell me until I was like, hey, like, what's going on? And he's like, oh, I guess you should sit down here to file for bankruptcy because we're about to lose the house.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh.

[Caller]

Oh, that's what.

[Zerk]

You know. And unfortunately, it's not the first time. He's had some financial scruples in our past and it was kind of a blow.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And this isn't a. Hey, Zerk. This isn't a. This isn't a scruple. He lost your house. What happened?

[Zerk]

I mean, fortunately for right now, it's in stasis and there's some things in place that hopefully we can.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know, I know, but what. What happened? Does he have a. Does he have a gambling addiction? Does he. Is he just. What's happening?

[Zerk]

Well, he lost his job about a year ago and like, so we. Luckily he got a new one fairly quickly, but he says he just, like, didn't pay attention and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Nope, not true. What happened?

[Zerk]

I don't know. That's what he said. And so he just didn't pay attention and he got behind and got behind and. But that's all the info he's given me. Like, as of now, he's like, giving me control of all the fan. Instead of taking over. I've, like, combed through it and I don't see anything. But I just.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, hold on. That's. That's. That's. That's. That's the other side of cowardice. Right? There's. There's one cowardice, which is not telling you that him about to lose the house. And dude, I get something happening and then something happening on top of that, and then the shame and trying to scramble and solve it all on your own. I totally get that. But eight months ago, this was a huge deal and everyone was blowing up his phone. Six months ago, they were setting his phone on fire and his email on fire. So there's no way. You just don't know.

[Zerk]

Right. And I.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But then the other side of it is here, I just set the entire house on fire. You. You put it out. And that's not right either.

[Zerk]

Yeah. And that's what it feels like because, you know, now I'm, you know. And I offered when he lost his job, I'm like, hey, I will get a job. I'm, you know, at the time, I have like, a small business that I do, but it's very sporadic and, you know, and doesn't bring in a whole.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

More of a hobby.

[Zerk]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So here. So. Oh, geez. There's so much here. How can I help?

[Zerk]

Well, the financial aspect is devastating, but it's kind of handled at this point. Like, I'm getting a new job and I'm gonna work, like, crazy night hours and, you know, come home, take care of. I've got three kids. And so, you know, that portion is, I hate to say manage, but I mean, at this point, is he getting.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Another job and another job on top of that?

[Zerk]

No. Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Why?

[Zerk]

Like, I. I don't know. I mean, he's worked long hours, and his current job sends him out of the state a lot. And.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So I. I have to tell you, I've been doing this for a long time. Yes, you do, and I hate that for you. You do?

[Zerk]

Well, I. I've gotten another. Like, I work for, like, the Amazon doing packaging right now, and then I just got that, and then I've got another interview for another job.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's gonna happen with your kids?

[Caller]

I.

[Zerk]

They're flexible. And I've got some good friends that are gonna watch them.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, man. So.

[Zerk]

And like I said, I work on all of my shifts around in the evening to grave. So.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, but that's. I mean, that's temporary at best.

[Zerk]

Well, unfortunately, I've done this before. Like I said, not the first time.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So here's. Can I just walk you through the things that are on top of my head right now? I don't even know what you're asking, but it sounds like you're just asking everything. And so I'm going to answer everything. Is that okay?

[Zerk]

Yeah. Mostly it's like the emotional aspect of, like, how do I trust this person again?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You don't. I mean, you don't.

[Zerk]

And short.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Short of him. Short of him coming to you on both knees saying, I have betrayed you in the deepest way, in the deepest possible way, you and. And our kids. Short of that, you don't. And I'm going to be honest with you, and I'm saying this because I love you. You can't. And if you choose to do that again, to put all of you and your children's eggs back in his basket at this point, and I hate to say it like this, but it's going to be on you.

[Zerk]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because this is. Yeah. It's not the first time, not the second time in this one. If it hasn't, it almost cost you your home, your children's home. You're about to be homeless.

[Zerk]

Right? Yeah, I mean, I'm just like, I, you know, so livid. And I know just the first couple of days, he was kind of like, so cowardice about it, which irritated me so much.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes.

[Zerk]

This is like, oh, you're just going to leave me, so I might as well just go. And, yeah, I'm like.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I get. I can't even wrap my head around the shame he feels. And also, I honestly don't care. He's created a huge, huge mess. And to dump it on his wife and just bail, I mean, it's just the highest form of cowardice. So here's the deal. We're not going to talk about him. We're not going to think about him right now, and we're not going to go back to a year ago or Right. Not going to any of that right now. You have. And I don't even know if you recognize, you have a house on fire, kids asleep inside the house, got to get them out kind of situation right now. That's how dire this is. Okay, here's what I want you to do. You may have already done this, but I don't want you just to run blindly and get the first job you can get and then just start. What I want you to do is exhale and write down how much money do we need?

[Zerk]

Yeah, I've done that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can you make that much money?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, do. Have you pulled both your credit report and his credit report?

[Zerk]

I'm in the process of doing that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, now do. Pull all three of the reports for each of you. And you, there's websites you can go to and it'll just. It'll just pull it up real quick and they're all free.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. You need to know how bad the situation is. I also want you to pull credit reports on all three of your kids using their Social Security number.

[Zerk]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And see if there's any kind of debts he's pulled out on their names too. Okay. Okay. The next thing I want you to do is.

[Zerk]

Oh, man. Because this happened to me as a kid.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know, I know.

[Zerk]

So dumb.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know you're not dumb. But from this point forward, you gotta make some hard choices. Okay, here's. Here's the next thing. Go down today and open a checking account in your name only.

[Zerk]

I've done that. And I've pulled all the money from him and now I. Paying all the bills and all that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. You're going to have to get the list of people you owe money and call them and ask them how bad it is.

[Zerk]

I've done that already.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. How bad is it?

[Zerk]

It's not as dead as saying we have. There's a credit card and then this. The house.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That can't be it.

[Zerk]

That's what I keep thinking, but I can't find anything else. And I have a lawyer on it.

[Caller]

But there.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I mean, I'm telling you, that would be this. This would be the. A first for me. And I take financial calls on the Ramsey show, my other show, for like, for half a decade now. Well, my guess is just off top of my head, there's one of three things. There is a.

[Caller]

The.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He's got swept up in what I think is the. One of the most insane things we have ever done as a culture. And that is online legalized gambling. It's. It's massacring men right now and it's bankrupting homes. That would be guest number one. Guess number two is he's on the road a lot. He has somebody or multiple other peoples that he is funneling money to.

[Zerk]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that's where I would go back to your checking accounts and go through expenses. Are there hotels, places? Are there vacations places? This is a person who is so untrustworthy. We're going to start at. At ground zero. All options are on the table right now. Okay. Or number three, he is struggling with some sort of substance abuse that you don't know about.

[Zerk]

Okay, okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The, the. The. The idea that somebody paid all of the other bills has no outside things happening, and just let their house go to foreclosure with their three kids in it would be such an anomaly. I've never experienced it. Because, because moms and dads don't do that. Husbands and wives don't. I mean, I'll just say this because I'm one good. Men don't do that.

[Zerk]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Unless they're caught up into something over their head.

[Zerk]

Well, that's what I literally had in the savings. Enough to like, if for some reason he did miss just a payment. I just paid it in cash.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know, I know. But listen, going back and doing that's going to just make you crazy.

[Caller]

All right?

[Zerk]

And that's why I'm like, I have tasks. I just need to focus on the task.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Task at hand is how much money do we actually need? And your house comes way before credit card. Okay.

[Zerk]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How much is it going to take to get your house back up to current?

[Zerk]

Oh, oh, it's going to take five years at minimum.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Five years?

[Zerk]

Yeah. It's like it was 35, 000 or something like that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But, I mean, you're assuming his. Is his check still going to come in, too?

[Zerk]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's going to take you five years to get 35,000.

[Zerk]

It's like a bankruptcy plan. Like, you can't pay early.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, God.

[Zerk]

But you just have to pay on the plan.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Why did you. Why did you file for bankruptcy?

[Zerk]

Because it was the only way to save the house. Because the house was going. It was on the market to be foreclosed on.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, man. All right, here's what I'm gonna.

[Zerk]

Literally, in two days, it was going to be sold.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm going to. Oh, yeah. Don't hear me beating you up for those decisions. I just hate that you're in this position and you're just having to make. I know, I know. You're. You're hanging on. Barely. I got it. I'm going to hook you up. I work at Ramsey Solutions, and I think, like, my other show that I do is a financial show. I'm gonna hook you up with one of our financial coaches for a free coaching session with them, and I'll pay for it. Okay?

[Zerk]

Oh, thank you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And they'll walk you through your budget. They'll walk you through all the different various. Because I don't want to take all the time here to walk you through all the various bankruptcy options and all the different plans, but they'll map you do number one, next. Number two, next. And number three, next. Because right now it feels overwhelming, right?

[Zerk]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Zerk]

For sure. Like I said, right now it just like.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know.

[Zerk]

I feel like that stuff is, like, managed, but it also just feels like I live in, like, eggshell city right now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know.

[Zerk]

I'm just like.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You feel like you live in a prison because you're trapped now?

[Zerk]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. You live in a $35,000 prison.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. I, I, again, if there's no credit issues or whatever, I'd rather you go to a credit Union and borrow $35,000 and get this house right. Than to go through some sort of forced bankruptcy program. But sit with.

[Zerk]

I thought.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sit with. Sit with your people. Okay. Something. Let me just say this. Something isn't above board here, and I don't know what it is.

[Zerk]

And that's what I keep begging and asking, and he just says, that's it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Man. I. I cannot tell you how much I hope I'm wrong.

[Zerk]

That's what I keep saying. Like, I'm like, is this. Like, am I just insane and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, you're not insane. And I think you've not trusted your gut for a long, long, long time. Right?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Cuz also, even if this was just all above board, a guy losing his house underneath him and the shame he feels and trying to scramble, you would have felt that in your house the last year, right?

[Caller]

Oh, for sure.

[Zerk]

Over a year. I've just. He's been off and extremely just. And I just thought it was the stress of, like, his other work and then redoing that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But what's his. What's he make in his other job?

[Zerk]

About 20, 25 to 35. And then he gets overtime, so then he makes a lot more.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

35,000 a year?

[Zerk]

Yeah. No, excuse me. A month or twice a month?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

3,500 twice a month.

[Zerk]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So you make $7,000 a month?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So why do you think this is going to take five years to get out of the. Oh, because of the forced plan.

[Zerk]

Correct.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, well, even if you all scramble and scratch and claw and get $35,000 and put it in A high yield savings account, so you know you've got it, right? And that will give you some. Some exhale. And I would scramble and get that as fast as you possibly can.

[Caller]

All right?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that'll give you some peace that, yes, you're in this forced plan, but at least you've got that money, right? In. In. In a secure account that he does not have access to.

[Zerk]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But if you want to save your marriage, I mean, y' all are starting to square zero.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Zerk]

And that's, like, a big portion of, like, my eggshell life right now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm just like, no, no, we're done with eggshells. We're. We are berserker. Not just zerk. We're buzz zerker, like. Like, atomic bear mom, you're going through the middle of it now. We're not walking on eggshells. Screw eggshells. You got it. You've been walking on eggshells for 14 years. Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

This is. This is grizzly bear mama coming out. You're not gonna take my house from me because you're inept. And you're not gonna say you're my husband and then dump all this on me and then run away. You're not gonna say you're my husband and say, you clean up my mess. You're not gonna be my. Say you're my husband and then be like, well, you're gonna leave me anyway, so I'm gonna take my ball and go home. That's not. We're not doing that.

[Caller]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But short of him coming in and getting on both knees in front of you and saying, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm. I'm. I'll do whatever we got to do. Short of that, you're on your own here.

[Caller]

Right?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I think there's something about dropping your shoulders and just acknowledging that for a season.

[Caller]

Well, I'm like, he's kind of done.

[Zerk]

That, but it just feels like I don't know if I can trust it because, like, he's done that before. But, like, look where we are. And it, like, just gets worse every time.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Behavior is a language action's gonna speak louder than any words.

[Zerk]

He's gonna say, yeah. And that's what I'm feeling. But then I'm really with. You know, we're all living together, still in the house, and it just feels like, you know, he's like, well, you know, you asked me for my feelings, and, well, my feeling is I. You know, I Want to go back to normal, but, you know.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Normal? Yeah, he exploded normal. So you can tell. He can tell you his feelings, but then he's got to go do the next right thing, which is, I'm going to make $7500 or $7000 a month, plus the moment I get home, I'm not going to make my essentially single mother of three kids work a graveyard shift. I mean, I know you're. You're all piling in now. Y' all have to do what you got to do. Now, this is DEFCON 1. This is super emergency. But he's going to get home, and he's going to get a protein shake and a water, and he's going to run back out, and he's going to go get his second job and bring another 2,500 bucks in, and he's going to sleep in September, right? Because this thing's on fire. He can tell you his feelings, and good for you for hearing that, but it's. It. You feel your feelings, and then you go do the next right thing. And the next right thing is you were playing with matches and the house is on fire. You got to be a part of putting that house out. Fair.

[Zerk]

Yeah. No, for sure. And, like, this is my feelings. I just feel like he just. And this is just feelings by Zerk. But, like, I just feel like he knew I'd be like, okay, like, well, here's our emergency. Because I'm, you know, this is what I do every time. It's like, okay, well, okay, I've got a job today. Okay, now we get a better job. And because I just, you know, the last time. We've always had emergencies, like, instantly. I'm like, okay, well, here's. I've got it. I'll put it out.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You know, you need to get with a couple of friends and if you're a person of faith with your minister at your church and sit down with an attorney and decide if I want to still be married. Because you're in a very unsafe situation. In my world, we call this financial infidelity. He's cheated on you and cheated on you and cheated on you and cheated on you. And this one almost cost your house. And I know God, dude, I take no pleasure in talking like this. And I'm both frustrated with him. And I understand you get buried in shame, but you gotta. You, man, you gotta. You got to go grab the fire extinguisher and put out your fire and then be about repairing the house. And for you, Zurich, it's. I Mean this not by your hand, but in your lap. This landed in your lap. And it's time for those 6 inch grizzly bear mama claws to come out. And this is how this is going to be for right now because he's put you in a position where you and your kids are not safe. And so, yeah, you are gonna have to come jump out and help be a part of the solution here. But he's not driving anymore. He doesn't get the luxury of just hopping out of the car and being like, fine, you drive. You're gonna sit in the car and help figure out where we're going. I'm so sorry, huns, hang on the line here. I'm gonna hook you up with a, with a free financial coach with a coaching call and y' all can work through this absolute mess. And I'm so sorry. You call me anytime. And if he wants to call and walk through what happened and what he can do next, I'm happy to take that call too. I'm not going to give up on him. But man, this one's a tough one for me and it doesn't even come close to how tough this is on you and those kids. Thank you for the call, Zerk. I'm here anytime. We come back. A man asks if he should tell his mom his dad's chewing tobacco. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Deloney. For Organifi. I talk to people every day who are just overwhelmed. And I don't just mean emotionally. They're physically and mentally and spiritually worn out, anxious, not sleeping well. People feel foggy and disconnected. And most everyone I talk to is just trying to push through their day with a combination of coffee and willpower. Can we all just agree what we're doing isn't working? Redlining our bodies every minute of every day is burning us and everyone we love to the ground. That's where Organifi comes in. Organifi makes organic superfood blends and gummies that are designed to support your body, your mind, and even your emotions when everything else feels like it's on fire. Just mix Organifi superfood blends with water and you're good to go. For me, that's green juice in the morning for focus, red juice in the morning and in the afternoon for clean energy without the crash.

[Zerk]

And.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I love my happy drops to boost my mood and the shilajit gummies that help me feel like a laser beam. Most people don't have to overhaul their life to start feeling Better. They just have to listen to their body and make some small daily choices. And you can start with my friends at organifi. Go to organifi.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney to save 20% off. That's 20% off site wide with code [e-mail] DeLoney foreign to Harrisonburg, Virginia. And talk to Matt. What's up, Matt?

[Matt]

Hi, Dr. John. How are you doing?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Good, brother. What are you doing, man?

[Matt]

Oh, I'm just living life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Awesome. What's up?

[Matt]

Yeah, so my question is, what do I do about my dad? He's been lying to my mom about chewing tobacco, and I think it stems kind of just like a little bit further than that too, because, like, growing up, I think probably the earliest I. I started picking up on his, like, storytelling tendencies was probably when I was, like, late elementary school, early middle school. Time frame.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Hold on. Like, story, like, storytelling, like, he just.

[Matt]

Kind of just making up. Okay, stories have something to say.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He's a liar. Is that what you're saying?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. So, like, I tell. Dude, I'm a storyteller for a living, and I am always telling stories, and I like that, but I try to make sure they're all mostly accurate. So let's call him what he is. If he just lied to you growing up all the time and you kind of caught him in that, then let's. Let's live in that tension. Okay? Okay. All right. So he was a liar and you figured it out. And middle school, what would he lie about?

[Matt]

I mean, it was just, like, small things. So, like, we would go hunting every couple years, and when we'd be back home, like, we would go to church or whatever, and he'd be talking to people and tell a story about what happened at hunting camp, including me, like, in this story. And I was like, that definitely did not happen that way at all. But it was like, when I was younger, it just kind of seemed like it didn't seem harmful. You know, it was just like him trying to say something interesting.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Did it make you feel uncomfortable?

[Matt]

I mean, yes. When I started to notice it more often, it definitely made me uncomfortable. But I also was like, well, it's not hurting anyone. So I don't feel like, you know, disrespecting him necessarily was my mindset. So I don't feel like correcting him in front of these people and making him look bad. And as I've gotten older, it's like I've picked up on some other lies when he says them, but Then it's also when I do sometimes call it out or express disbelief, it turns out that he's telling the truth about this thing. And then when I talk to my mom about it, she also picks up on some of these lies or storytellers. My wife and my mom also have a good relationship, and they talk a lot about how it's hard sometimes to recognize if he's telling the truth or if he's lying about something.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that's kind of the cancer of someone who lies all the time, is you don't know if they're telling the truth or not. Which makes it really, really hard to anchor into a relationship with a person like that. Right?

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And.

[Matt]

And so, like, to, like, the really question about, like, the chewing tobacco is. Is tough. So he used to chew tobacco when he was a lot younger. And then, like, my mom takes pride in the fact that she, like, made him quit year. I think it was probably, like, almost 20 years ago, and I never really noticed it when I was younger. I didn't really notice it until probably a year or two ago when it was, like, blatantly, obviously, because he was. He was, like, doing it around me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So. Hold on. What? What? Let me just get right to the thing. Like, how old are you?

[Matt]

I. I'm 25.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. You have no business carrying your father's deception. Let's just go that way. I don't care if a dude choose tobacco or use nicotine products or whatever. I even use some nicotine product. Like, that is. Is the. Is the least amount of worry here. The worry. The question you're asking yourself is, I'm 25 years old. I'm married. How long do I have to keep carrying my dad's dishonesty? And the answer is no more.

[Matt]

Yeah. Yeah. Because honestly, like, I don't really care that he does it. The only thing that bothers me is that he's, like, hiding it from my mom.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, I mean, but is your mom.

[Matt]

Asking you and my brother into it?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, yeah, I mean, that's just. I'm not gonna carry your crap. And then if he turns and goes, oh, you really told your mom? Like, dude, I'm not gonna lie for you anymore.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You know what I mean?

[Matt]

Yeah. I think the big thing I struggle with is, like, do I tell my mom or do I not tell my mom, or do I confront my dad? But my problem that I keep on coming back to every time I think about confronting him about lying to my mom is just like, I feel like I have no Place to stand. Because that line that I grew up with, kind of like, I. I caught on to that, too. And for, like. I mean, I'm still working through it, but, like, for the first four years, I lied to my wife about all kinds of things. So.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right, make a commitment. Listen, listen. Make a commitment right now. I'm never going to lie again. And here I know it's easier said than done. So here's the. Here's the path forward with your wife. Here's what I used to offer my students. Because, by the way, I grew up not telling the truth all the time, too. All the time. Okay. That's why I'm such a maniac about it now. Growing up, I mean, when I started working with students and I did student conduct for, like, 20 years, whenever a student would come in and I would call them on something, I would always tell them at the end of the meeting, like, hey, did you. Were you selling drugs here? Were you cheat on this? Or did you just get arrested for assault or whatever? The thing was, I was talking to him about, in my role as Dean of Students, I always said, after this meeting, you have 24 hours to come back. Because I know this is hard. And I gave him 24 hours. And I said, if you come back and you tell me, like, hey, I'm sorry I freaked out. I told you something that wasn't true. Here's what really happened. I'll count it as though you told the truth on the front end. Because I'm trying to teach people how to feel like I got to be dishonest real quick and then go do the next right thing. Okay, so sit down. Your wife, does she know you've lied to her for the first four years of your marriage?

[Matt]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so let's say we're coming up with a plan. I'm never going to lie again. And if I catch myself lying, I'm going to come back within 24 hours, I'm going to sit down, I'm going to apologize, and I'm going to tell you what really happened. Okay?

[Matt]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But this is the sins of a dad going down to his son, and it's up to you to stop it. You can't. You can't. You can't blame him. You can't put it on him. You're a grown man now. You chose to get married. You're walking through this. Make a commitment. I'm going to be radically honest. Okay? Okay. And part of that radical honesty is I'm not carrying other people's dishonesty either. I'm not going to do it. I don't care if it's my dad. It's my mom now. I would not. This is just me, dude. You can do what you want. I would not call my mother and be like, I've got to tell you a big, deep, dark secret about dad. What I wouldn't do is if it comes up somewhere and you hear your mom going, I'm just so proud of your dad after 20 years. Still not. You'd be like, yeah, he does. He does it all the time. And so what I'm not going to do is just go seek to unwind all these things that I think were lies and judge the past. But I'm not going to carry any dishonesty moving forward. Okay. Does that make sense?

[Matt]

Yeah, I, I guess. Then, like, by committing to, like, not lying anymore, like, so I guess, like, if he does it around me, that I just have to, like, find the strength to be like, you can't do that around me and lie to my mom. Or.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I don't know.

[Matt]

I, I, I just, I mean, do.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You really, do you really think in your guts, your mom judgmental?

[Matt]

Well, I feel like she's probably getting hints more because she talks about it and about how she made him quit, like, way too often for someone to not be doubting that he fully quit.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I mean, if he's, I mean, you can do what you want to, dude. I mean it. The, the core issue here is you feel less than because of your past. Let day today be day one. I'm never gonna lie again. And when I catch myself, I'm gonna humble myself and go make it right. And what will happen is you'll realize two things. One, I don't have to lie about stuff. I'm a good man. And I wish I made more money. I wish my car was fancier. I wish I had some cooler stories. But I'm a good man, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna traffic in integrity. The second thing is make it just a point of your new identity as a person who only traffics in honesty and integrity. I'm just not gonna let people lie around me. So I don't care if a guy dips around you. Who cares? It's when he says, hey, don't tell your mom. Say, no, no, no, no. I don't do that anymore, dad. Done with that. If you don't want me, I, I'm not going to hold secrets between you and mom, period. Oh, seriously? You're going to tell Your. Yes, I am. I'm not carrying your dishonesty with mom. That's up to you. You're a grown man. And every single young married man I know has some sort of moment like this with his dad. And it might be integrity. It might be, hey, don't tell your mom. I don't hear stories about m. Like, there's always a thing politically, religion. There's always a moment when a son's got to stand up and say, as for me and my house. And that's where you are, man. That's where you are. And so the tobacco here is way not the issue. The issue is you're tired of being around an old man that lies to you all the time. You're tired of being stuck and feeling like, I'm trying to be a person of integrity. I'm trying to stop lying to my wife, to my friends and family. I want out of this, like, just way of being. And yet I feel like I'm participating when mom is like, you know, I'm so proud of him. So, yeah, if she says that, I would be like, mom, he totally does. He totally does. And that's just you. I'm not keeping y' all secrets. I'm not doing that. And by the way, if he lies about this, he's lying about other stuff. That's not for you to get in the middle of and play referee and play judge and jury, but it is for you to say, I'm not carrying yalls crap like that. No way, Jose. No way. Sorry, brother. The thing you can control here is I'm never gonna lie again. Proud of you for making that turn, dude. Get radical about it. Get radical. Have all your friends and your family know, dude, that dude is a straight shooter. Thanks for the call, man. We come back, A woman asks if her difficulty in making friends is genetic. We'll be right back. The show is sponsored by Better Help Dudes. The world feels like it's falling apart, and while it's all crashing down, we're all under huge pressure to perform and look like we're keeping it all together. And we all know that getting support is good, but we're not allowed to ask for it. Women are often told that they have to be everything to everyone all the time, and somehow they just have to intuitively know how to do it all. And men are often told they are the reason for every bad thing in the world and that asking for help means they are weak. Or less than 76% of people globally agree that mental health care can Help resolve personal problems. Yet 6 out of 10 people still believe society discourages asking for help. Listen, real strength comes from opening up about what you're carrying and then doing something about it so you can be your best for yourself and for everyone else in your life. If you're feeling the weight of the world, talk to someone. Anyone. A friend, a loved one, or yes, a therapist. I talk with a therapist regularly and you might consider talking to one, too. If you're thinking about trying therapy, contact my friends at Better Help. BetterHelp is 100% online therapy, so it's affordable and convenient for your schedule. To get started. Just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time, easily and for no extra cost. Talk it out with better help. Visit betterhelp.com DeLoney to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H lp.com DeLoney all right, Dallas, Texas. Let's talk to Sarah. What's up, Sarah?

[Caller]

Hey, how are you doing?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm doing great. How about you?

[Caller]

Doing well. So my question is, is my struggle with making friends genetic? And if so, how do I break that cycle for my future children?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's a fascinating question. Tell me your thought process there. Process?

[Caller]

Well, I'm really bad making friends and stop right there.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What does that mean? What does that mean?

[Caller]

It just means that usually I don't make good first impressions with people. And I think people kind of find me a little off putting when they first meet me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right, teach me about that. Like, are you awkward? Are you mean. Do you have bad breath? Do you, like, yell?

[Caller]

Like.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Like, I'm awkward. I'm so, so awkward. Especially when I meet new people. Like, it's embarrassing.

[Caller]

Yeah, I think it kind of comes from I used to be really, like.

[Zerk]

Loud and bubbly and outgoing.

[Caller]

And just time after time, people kind of told me that I was annoying and that they didn't really like me. So that kind of made me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Who are those people?

[Caller]

Just like people. Throughout my whole life, like middle school, I went to two different high schools. It kind of happened at both high schools and then it happened the most in college. And so it's something I kind of thought I would grow out of or like, figure out better way to come off to people, but I haven't really figured out how to do that. So it's like when you strike out with your first impression with someone, it feels like, impossible to try to, you know, like, approach that social situation again to show them who I really am. You know what I mean?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, totally. But I mean, I don't know. I think like a fun, bubbly person is like the best. Especially in this world where everybody's just like, smoking the downtown sadness like weed, you know, I mean, like, everyone's just like all the time. So when you say bubbly, like, do you have. Do you have good friends that aren't those folks?

[Caller]

I came out of college with one really good friend, but she doesn't live near me anymore. And my husband has a lot of friends. So I would say I'm acquaintances with a lot of the husband's wives, but I would only say, like, one is actually a friend. And I think because I kind of got this message that people found me annoying. I think I kind of like, closed up.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And now, like, people only see the side of me that I'm not too scared to show them when they first meet me. And obviously that's not authentic to who I am. And maybe they pick up on that and they don't want to hang out with me after that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, it does. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy because people feel that you're holding back and there's an energetic. It feels. It's an electricity. Right. Like that person's holding something back and I don't know what it is. And most people immediately think it's them. Like when you sit down and just honestly reflect with your husband, what does he tell you? You're okay. Take a break. Take a breath.

[Caller]

I think he says a lot of the time that I come off kind of maybe overbearing or judgmental to situations.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller]

And that's really hard to hear because that's not my heart.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Are you. Are you feeling. Does he experience you as judgmental because you're holding back your true joy and bubbliness and it just comes out sharp.

[Caller]

I think it comes off judgmental because I'm a really blunt person and I can struggle to kind of think before I speak. To think that maybe that isn't the general consensus on like, oh, that's just how everyone thinks. Kind of.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure.

[Caller]

And I don't think it's out of a judgment or like, disdain for people. I think it's out of a, like, just kind of blissful ignorance of like, oh, I just kind of thought everyone thought that way, you know?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Like, it can be really hard for me to rethink situations from different perspectives.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

How long have you wrestled with this? Sounds like your whole life.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There's nothing worse in the world than feeling like your true self isn't. Isn't worth loving. Right. I'm sorry.

[Caller]

I feel like my husband's the only one who actually sees me and knows me, which is. I'm thankful for that, but it still feels isolating.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Have you been tested for. See if you're on the spectrum or not.

[Caller]

That's a huge thing that I've gone back and forth with my parents on because my brother is on the spectrum and we have autism on both sides of the family. And so I've been, you know, kind of wondering that for a while, but they've always told me, like, there's no way two out of four of our children have autism. And I just don't really buy that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, they don't. Number one, they don't get a vote. Number two, I've had the opportunity to work with some incredible, hilarious folks on the spectrum, but they put in a ton of work and, and it just, it. It's what feels like a likability issue just becomes a skills issue. And it might. And I don't. I care less about you getting a quote unquote diagnosis, but I do care, like, if there are some. You've. You've got a repeated pattern over time that says, like, I walk into these situations joyful and the, like, people around me are experiencing me differently than I want to be experienced. And you have a husband who says, I love you and I fully know you and here's how others might experience you. And I hear the compassion. You don't want that. You know what I mean? I just don't think something's quote unquote wrong with you. There may be some skills that you need to learn.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But here's the thing. Like, I'm just not good at basketball, Sarah. I'm terrible at it. I'm not. I wish I was. Like, good basketball players look so graceful and they're tall and they're lean and they just like, jump and stuff. I can't. And so I don't think I'm a bad person because of that. And whenever I. I retired from my church league because I kept having to have knee surgeries. But I'm going to go back this year. I think. I know I'm not going to be that great, but I will practice a little bit to be a little less terrible. Right. It's a skill. And so if your bigger question is, is there a chance that you have autism on both sides of your parents family and they've had to create a story for themselves, that they, quote, unquote, didn't do this to two of their children. And by the way, as a parent, that. That same sense you're feeling, please tell me I'm not going to pass this on to my kids. They feel that same thing. Right. But unfortunately, that story, trying to keep themselves safe may have kept you from getting some support, resources that you've needed for a long time. Yeah. Give me an example. I'm just interested because here's the thing. Like, you sound delightful.

[Caller]

Thanks.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And he wouldn't have married your husband, would have married you if you. If he didn't like you. Right.

[Caller]

Yeah. And I think that's almost what makes me feel crazier, is, like, I'm able to, like, get jobs and keep jobs. I'm able to, you know, find a life partner and maintain that relationship. Like, I'm able to do these. These things. And I don't know why it doesn't translate over to friendship specifically, you know?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. Have you asked people at work what they think?

[Caller]

Well, I just started a new job, so. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What is your.

[Zerk]

Your.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You said you left college with one great friend. What does that friend say?

[Caller]

Well, she has told me that when she first met me, she was really scared of me. But once she got to know me, she realized that I had the biggest heart out of anyone she's ever met.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy. I could feel it through the phone. She's like a really caring person. Because if you were a psychopath, when people walked away, you wouldn't feel that. But you feel this deeply. Why did she say she was scared of you?

[Caller]

She just said she was intimidated by me. I mean, I really. I am a very blunt and honest person. And so I think a lot of times people just don't know how to take it when they first meet me. They just think, give me an example of bluntness. Like, I just kind of flippantly say, like, oh, well, that's stupid. About, like, situations. And it's not me trying to put people down or try to say that anyone's stupid. It just is. I just. I'm honest to a fault. You know what I mean? Of, like, not having a filter. And it gets me in trouble a lot.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. I may know. I may know somebody personally that doesn't have a great filter. Yeah. And all of my team just looked up and laughed at me. Yeah, I totally get that. But I also get this. Like, there's. There's that tiny little gap when you and some friends are Sitting in, in the Sonic drive thru and somebody says, I want extra orange in my Coke Zero. And you're just like, gross. But there's a way to go, seriously, or to go, that's stupid.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So tell me about. Because both of those are honest. But there is some words, there's some series of words that it's easy to say, no, no, I'm just being radically honest. Right. Which I, which I like and subscribe to. But there's also, I know that truth can be told in a way that can be digested or truth can be told in a way that hurts. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Tell me about, tell me about your difficulty there.

[Caller]

I think the difficulty is a lot of times, I think what I'm saying is the digestible way. And then, okay, people kind of circle back around and they're like, hey, if you would have said it this way, I think it would have, like, come across a lot better. And my response is always like, that would have never even crossed my mind. Like, I could have sat and thought about it for 45 minutes and I would have never gotten to that result. Like, I don't have the ability to, like.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, you do.

[Caller]

This is my goal.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, you do. I mean, I, I, I don't want you to feel defeated. You, you, you. This is something you can learn. I'm convinced. Will you go sign up and get tested?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. How old are you?

[Caller]

24.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Can I also tell you this? Your mom and dad don't get a vote anymore. Okay.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is that cool?

[Caller]

Yeah. I think that will take a lot of weight off my shoulders because I think I still care about their opinion too much.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You've been caring about that your whole, whole, whole life.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And sometimes when you care about that opinion, a way to enter into a conversation trying to prop up an adult is to talk like what you think an adult sounds like. And when you're a kid, bluntness can be cruel. And so there's ways to tell your kids, oh, honey, let's go change that shirt real quick. And then there's a way to say, you look fat in that. Go change that. You get what I'm saying?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And if that's how you grew up and that became how you interact with.

[Matt]

The world.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yet those same people also loved you, then it can be confusing.

[Zerk]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But, sister, you are worth being loved. Huh?

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I don't know. Maybe the world needs a few more judgy people. I'm just kidding. All right, let me know how that testing comes back okay.

[Caller]

Okay, I will. Thank you.

[Matt]

All right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm grateful for your call. We'll be right back. Let's talk about Helix. The best mattresses in the world. Summer is here, the sun's up, guns out, school's out, so kids are bouncing all over the place. And if you're like me, your daily routine has somewhat exploded. And when that happens, what's the first thing that tanks in our life? Sleep. So I'm going to be real with you. When I'm not sleeping well, I'm short with my wife, grumpy with my kids, grumpy with my show team, and everything feels harder than it should. Sleep is not just about closing your eyes and resting. It's about showing up the next day as the kind of person you want to be and the kind of person your family needs you to be. That's why I love sleeping on my Helix mattress. Before Helix, I tried all kinds of mattresses. They were too soft, too stiff, or they had memory foam that just melted all around you. But Helix has matched me with the perfect mattress based on how I sleep and who I sleep next to. Yes, they've even got mattress options for couples who need different sleep feels on the same bed. It's incredible. Get online and take the Helix Sleep quiz just like I did. In less than two minutes, they'll match you with the right mattress just for you. Right now, my audience gets extended access to their 4th of July sale. For 27% off site wide, go to helixsleep.com deloney and get 27% off. That's Helix Sleep. H E L I X S L E P helixsleep.com Deloney with Helix. Better sleep starts right now. All right, Kelly 2.0. Am I the problem?

[Kelly]

Maybe. We'll find out. All right, so Tina From San Bernardino, California writes, I have a brother who is 19 and lives with my parents. He doesn't work or go to school.

[Caller]

He.

[Kelly]

He doesn't have a license and stays up all hours of the night. I find myself getting frustrated with both of my parents and my brother. I find myself thinking about him, worrying about his future. I used to pressure my parents into kicking him out. However, I stopped after they got mad at me. Am I the problem?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No. I mean, I. I mean, you're right to worry about your brother's future. And you're. You've been out in the dating market. You see that there's millions and millions of unmarriable men because they don't do anything, have any skill sets, and they just stay in their. Literally in their mom's basement playing video games. So no, you're, you're right to worry about him. I don't think this is a right or wrong thing. I'll just tell you it's futile to continue to worry about it and try to solve it and to go to bed thinking about it and to wake up thinking about it because you can't do anything about it. Right? You can't do anything about it. So no, I mean, what's happening to your brother is just. It's borderline criminal. I mean, it's just. Yeah, it's heartbreaking. And so no, you're right to be sad. Yeah, right. To be sad. I think at some point you write that last letter and you may not even send it. And then you put in a drawer and you commit to. Every time you feel yourself getting angry or frustrated, you exhale and say, I'll control what I can control. And then we're gonna go do the next right thing. And have a thing in mind, whether that's do 10 jumping jacks, do three push ups, go for a quick walk around the block or whatever. But over time, your default setting will begin to shift away from constantly worrying about that situation. And my guess is you're. You're also mad about your parent, at your parents for other stuff too. Don't let your brother situation be the proxy for all of the issues. If there's other issues with your mom and dad, write them down and be honest about them. And maybe you don't want to hang out with them anymore. I'm going to be sad about that. Maybe they kicked you out and they're not kicking little Junior out. Yeah, I'd be heartbroken about those kind of things. Right. But let's feel them and then let's just go do the next right thing. You are not the problem. Mom and dads, you got to let your kids go. The world is changing real, real fast and we need some skills. Real, real. Please don't let your 19 year old stay at home with no job playing video games. It's cruel to the world, but more importantly, it's cruel to them. Love you guys. Bye.