My Wife Doesn’t Enjoy Sex With Me

Summary

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The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: "My Wife Doesn’t Enjoy Sex With Me"
Date: April 17, 2026
Host: Dr. John DeLoney (Ramsey Network)

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Episode Overview

This episode explores difficult relationship issues as listeners call in for guidance on intimacy, marriage, and friendship dilemmas. The heart of the episode is a vulnerable conversation with a caller struggling after his wife reveals she doesn’t enjoy sex with him. Dr. Delony offers real-talk advice on partnership, self-worth, boundaries, and the deeper issues underlying such confessions. Additional callers discuss the meaning of marriage and the responsibility of addressing infidelity discovered among friends.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Husband’s Heartbreak: “My Wife Doesn’t Enjoy Sex With Me”

• [00:05 – 16:42]

John’s Call

• Caller John shares that his wife recently said she does not enjoy sex with him. John admits self-consciousness about his weight and lack of sexual experience (he waited until marriage; she did not).
• Dr. Delony quickly asks: “Is she seeing someone else?” The caller is unsure, noting his wife’s protectiveness over her phone.

Emotional Impact and Framing the Problem

• DeLony asks about the tone of his wife's confession; John says it was filled with “frustration and somewhat anger… and disappointment.”
• DeLony identifies a lack of unity and compassion in her approach:

  “This wasn’t her sitting down, saying, hey, I want to walk along with you… This was, ‘You’re not enough.’” [02:10]

• John feels exposed, rejected, and confused about how to proceed despite trying to address the situation from physical, relational, and faith-based angles.

Deeper Analysis: Power, Cruelty, and Teamwork

• Dr. Delony explores the harmful power imbalance and the psychological cruelty of weaponizing insecurities:

  “That’s the language of somebody holding you in contempt. That’s the language of somebody who wants out and is trying to conjure reasons why they should have a right to it.” [05:25]

• Memorable Quote:

  “No marriage can survive, no relationship, period, can survive with that sort of power differential, that sort of hierarchy.” [09:39]

• He emphasizes sexual intimacy naturally evolves and must be co-created, not judged from a distance.

Advice for John

• Delony suggests John ask his wife directly, “Do you still want to be married?” acknowledging the terrifying nature of this question but its necessity to prevent prolonged hurt:

  “Finding this out now will stop the dragging you behind the pickup truck of her life that’s going on right now.” [07:08]

• Dr. Delony reassures John he’s "worth more than this":

  “When I think of fidelity, infidelity, right? … Cruelty, harshness, cruelty is infidelity. And I’m heartbroken this happened to you, man. You sound like a pretty great guy.” [13:53]

Foundational Needs in Relationships

• Delony closes the call urging John to reclaim his sense of home and belonging:

  “I want you to walk in the front door of your home… and I want that to be the shelter from the storm that is the world around us.” [15:07]

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2. What’s the Point of Marriage?

• [19:33 – 32:10]

Kenny’s Call

• Caller Kenny (Nova Scotia) asks why marriage matters. He and his partner have a child, live as spouses, but are ambivalent about formalizing the union, influenced partly by in-law dynamics.

Delony’s Data-Driven Response

• Dr. Delony references extensive research:

  “Single cohabitating couples… have less good outcomes… The greatest opportunity, the greatest things I can do for my kids… is looking directly at my spouse and saying ‘until death do us part’...” [23:20]

• He stresses formal marriage is a powerful predictor of positive health, financial, and relationship outcomes for both adults and children.

Accountability and Boundaries

• Delony discusses the importance of boundaries rooted in the primary partnership:

  “Boundaries are a decision that sits upon another big decision—that she has chosen you over them… There’s no reason to make a boundary if they still come first.” [28:01]

• He encourages Kenny to ensure his partner chooses him over her controlling family and to recognize the dual responsibility they share.

Memorable Advice

“Make the rest of your life about taking care of his mom.” [31:43]

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3. Friendship and Infidelity: Should I Tell Her?

• [33:51 – 37:45]

Anna’s Call

• Caller Anna learns her close friend’s boyfriend is paying for sex and wonders whether to say something, especially since the friend just had a baby.

Delony’s Clear Guidance

• Dr. Delony is unequivocal:

  “Your first call should have been to her. This is as clear of a no brainer as I ever get on the show. Yes. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.” [34:49]

• He addresses Anna’s fear of fallout:

  “It’s not over, but it [the friendship] is very different.” [36:01]

• Delony champions honesty and directness, arguing truth is foundational to real relationships—even at the risk of losing the friendship.

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4. Parent or Impose? Taking Kids to Church When Spouses Disagree

• [40:27 – 42:16]

Brief, Lively Segment

• Anonymous G writes in asking whether it’s wrong to take kids to church against her atheist husband’s wishes.
• Both Dr. Delony and co-hosts agree kids need structure and exposure to parental values, not radical neutrality:

  “And this idea that I’m just going to let my 9 year old or 10 year old or 7 year old just decide for themselves… They can’t. They can’t.” [41:27]

• Delony adds:

  “Don’t outsource their systems of beliefs to their developing brains.” [41:44]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Marital Cruelty

  “She knows where your pain points are… And to weaponize those… that’s a level of cruelty, man, that nobody should endure.” — Dr. John DeLony [07:28]

• On the Team Nature of Marriage

  “The issue here is y’all are on the same team. And I’m getting from you that you have tried everything to be on her team.” — Dr. John DeLony [11:10]

• On the Significance of Formal Marriage

  “If you’re not a person of faith, you don’t have a bigger picture of this thing. Follow the data.” — Dr. John DeLony [31:13]

• On Friendship, Truth, and Responsibility

  “I always want to make the next right move. And letting your friend know they’re in danger... I would have told them yesterday.” — Dr. John DeLony [36:29]

• On Kids and Values

  “Don’t outsource their systems of beliefs to their developing brains.” — Dr. John DeLony [41:44]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• John’s Call About Marital Problems: 00:05 – 16:42
• Caller Kenny – “What’s the Point of Marriage?”: 19:33 – 32:10
• Caller Anna – “Should I Tell My Friend Her Partner Pays for Sex?”: 33:51 – 37:45
• Parenting and Religious Upbringing Debate: 40:27 – 42:16

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Tone and Takeaways

Dr. John DeLony maintains a frank, compassionate, and occasionally humorous tone, offering validation alongside firm, actionable advice. His approach balances empathy for callers’ pain with tough love and practical steps, deeply rooted in both professional insight and personal experience.

For listeners:

• You’ll hear real, sometimes raw stories about marriage and relationships, advice grounded in data and heart, and a reminder that dignity and self-worth are non-negotiable—even in moments of deep hurt.

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Transcript

[Caller John]

My wife just recently broke down and said that she does not enjoy having sex with me, and she's the only person I've been with. I waited until marriage. She did not. I've tried everything, man. I don't. I don't know where to go from here.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is she seeing someone else?

[Caller John]

I knew you were gonna ask them. I'm not sure.

[Show Host]

What's going on. What's going on? This is with a Dr. John DeLoney show. I'm so glad you're here. Taking your calls from all over the

[Dr. John DeLoney]

planet about your mental and emotional health, your kids, your marriages, your dating lives, whatever you got going on.

[Show Host]

If you want to be on the show, click the link in the show notes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And if you don't know what show notes are, join the club. I do not.

[Show Host]

But that's where it is, so click the link and love to have you on the show. All right, let's go out to Hobbit Bar in Boston and talk to John. Hey, John. What's up, man?

[Caller John]

Hey, John. I'm a big fan. I honestly can't believe I'm talking to you right now.

[Show Host]

Well, I'm a big fan of yours, dude.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Thanks for calling, man.

[Caller John]

I'll just get right to it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. What's going on?

[Caller John]

I've been married for a little over a year, and our sex life has never been great. And my wife just recently broke down and said that she does not enjoy having sex with me. And I've tried everything, man. I don't. I don't know where to go from here.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, my gosh. That hurts, huh?

[Caller John]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

When she sat down and told you this. And this is going to help frame how I answer the question. When she told you this, was it a. Was it a conversation that was compassionate and honest, or was she. Did she. Did she approach you with this as, like, an accusation, as frustrated, as, like a less than. As a power play? You get what I'm saying? How'd she approach?

[Caller John]

Frustration and. Frustration and somewhat anger.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller John]

And disappointment.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. So this wasn't her sitting down, saying, hey, I want to walk along with you. We're going to figure this out together. This was. You're not enough.

[Caller John]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, man. No, dude, don't be sorry at all. That's heartbreaking.

[Caller John]

You know, just as a little background. She's the only person I've been with. I waited until marriage. She did not. So I'm struggling with that.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Show Host]

So I'll leave her out of the

[Dr. John DeLoney]

equation, out of conversation for a second for you. This this thing.

[Show Host]

How old are you?

[Caller John]

I'm 30, about to turn 31.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Wow. So you waited 29 years to be sexually intimate with somebody, huh?

[Caller John]

Yes, sir.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Caller John]

It wasn't easy.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. And to be just stone rejected, I mean, that's layers of hurt.

[Caller John]

Yeah, man. Yep.

[Caller Anna]

Foreign.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm sorry, ma'.

[Caller Kenny]

Am.

[Caller John]

Thank you. I've tried everything. I work out more to build my stamina. I'm a little bit bigger, so I've always been self conscious about myself and.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. There may be things you need to work on with your health. There may be things you need to work on mechanistically. Right? You're a year in, man, y'.

[Show Host]

All.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're still figuring out how your body works, how her body works, how y' all work together. Like, there's lots of figuring out and quote, unquote, things to do. But if.

[Show Host]

If you're.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If your spouse is telling you your performance isn't up to standard, we're already on, off in the wrong place. We're on a theater stage. We're not together. You get what I'm saying?

[Caller John]

I feel that way. I feel that way. I've brought that up. I've listened to probably every episode you've had. I'm one of the OG17.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Awesome.

[Caller John]

And I try to bring that up, and I try to get us closer, and it. I didn't. I never ends the way I hope it will. I never seem to get to the bottom layer of the Onion, If that makes any sense.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I mean, it makes perfect sense. Is she seeing someone else?

[Caller John]

I knew you were gonna ask that. I'm not sure. She's very protective over her phone. Yeah, it's been in the back of my mind.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, well, it just popped in the front of mine forever. That's worth. Because here's what I'm hearing.

[Show Host]

She.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The way she spoke to you as a guy who's never been with anybody, a guy who's a year into being her husband, that type of condescension, that type of, you're not performing enough for me. That's the language of somebody holding you in contempt. That's the language of somebody who wants

[Caller John]

out

[Dr. John DeLoney]

and is trying to conjure reasons why they should have a right to it.

[Show Host]

Because.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Let me. Let me. Like, I. I can't tell you. I mean, I can't count. I've lost count years ago, how many couples I've sat with, new couples, older couples, finding sexual intimacy and sexual rhythm and getting to Know yourself and how your body works and what you like and what your spouse likes and their body and how that changes almost. It feels like a daily change, right? But it changes over time. And some things you're into, you're not into. Sometimes you're really rocking and rolling and sometimes you're not. And like, that's the natural arc of any sort of intimate relationship.

[Caller John]

Okay?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And to have it weaponized a you verse me instead of, oh, I'm going

[Show Host]

to be with you on this.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then to have a spouse like you who's willing to be like, hey, if, if you're seeing the same things. I've been ashamed about my weight, my, my sexual inadequacy, like, I'll work on, I'll fix it. I'll try to fix it. My gosh, man.

[Caller John]

So where do I go from here?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I think her union to ask her the scariest question of all, which is, does she still want to be married? What if she says, oh, then she's already gone. And finding this out now will stop the dragging you behind the pickup truck of her life that's going on right now. You may have a year or two less road rash heartbreak. Because she knows where. She knows where your pain points are. She knows you're self conscious when you're not wearing a shirt. She knows you're self conscious because she has a sexual history and you don't. And to weaponize those, that, that's. That's a level of cruelty, man, that nobody should endure. It's cruel, it's meant to,

[Show Host]

and sometimes people.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And that's why I wanted to know how she approached you. Because you're going to get your feelings hurt either way, right?

[Show Host]

If somebody sits down with you and

[Dr. John DeLoney]

says, hey, I want more for us in the bedroom, I want more for us with our sex life, like, that's going to be embarrassing and painful no matter how compassionate somebody is. But if somebody's willing to sit with you in that embarrassment and say, I'm going to walk with us, we're going to figure this thing out. Going to have some funny times, some annoying times, some heartbreaking times, and some hell, yeah, good times, right?

[Show Host]

But like, so you're going to, you're going to feel awkward, you feel embarrassed,

[Dr. John DeLoney]

you're going to feel ashamed, whatever. Especially if you've got old wounds of, am I enough and do I look enough, good enough and am I going to know what I'm doing? All those things that you've carried with you for almost three decades, right? But yeah, that's not what happened here. And sometimes I say things that are mean, but I really try hard to not ever intentionally be mean. You know what I mean?

[Caller John]

Yeah. Yeah, I tried. Yeah. I, I. Yeah. I'm not gonna go over the things I've tried, but, like, we tried to do a study, and, like, those are both people of faith, and we tried to protest from a faith perspective, and she.

[Show Host]

A study about what?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

A study about what?

[Caller John]

Like, how to build intimacy when either someone's already been sexually active or.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If that's not the problem here. Absolutely not the problem here at all. That's not it. That sort of discrepancy happens all the time. All the time. That's not the issue here. The issue here is she is choosing to stand above you and lord over you. And no marriage can survive, no relationship, period, can survive with that sort of power differential, that sort of hierarchy.

[Caller John]

All right?

[Show Host]

Because, dude, because. Let me. Like, if she had.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm making up a number. If she had 10 partners in the past, she marries you, guy who had zero partners in the past,

[Show Host]

she could bring a level of compassion, a level

[Dr. John DeLoney]

of love and play and adventure and arrows and walk right alongside you.

[Show Host]

She could co. Create her perfect person.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right,

[Caller John]

Right.

[Show Host]

She could tell you exactly what she likes, exactly what she's into,

[Dr. John DeLoney]

and hand you a playbook.

[Show Host]

And she didn't.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

She hit you over the head with cruelty and meanness.

[Caller John]

Get right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The issue here is not that she's had partners and you haven't. The issue here isn't that you're struggling with knowing how to please her. That's not the issue here. The issue here is y' all are on the same team. And I'm getting from you that you have tried everything to be on her team.

[Caller John]

Everything.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And she keeps moving dugouts, she keeps moving fields, which tells me she doesn't want to be on your team, which is a. Dude, I'm heartbroken here. I'd hug you if you were sitting right here. I hate to say that out loud like that, but I just want to put it on the table.

[Show Host]

And if she does, if she goes,

[Dr. John DeLoney]

no, no, no, no, you're my guy, then she needs some real help with how to communicate.

[Caller John]

You're right. I think it's time for a tough conversation.

[Caller Kenny]

Let me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Let me ask you this. Outside of. Outside of sex, where else do you tiptoe in your own house or where else do you feel like you're living in her place?

[Caller John]

Everywhere. Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's what I thought, and that's what I was afraid of. I'm gonna tell you right now, my brother, you're worth more than this. And when I think of fidelity, infidelity, Right. Maybe she's not sleeping with another guy. Even though I think every married person should share their passcodes with their. With their spouse. If you're going to share a bed and you're going to share genetics and have kids, then, good God, share your passwords. It just sounds so dumb to not do that. Or people are like, no way. Ridiculous. And if she's not, quote, unquote, cheating on you, sleeping with somebody else, whatever, She's not being a person of integrity. She's not whole. She's not taking your spirit inside your chest and your heart that you handed her at the altar when you got married and treating that with dignity and respect, she put in her back pocket and said, now it's mine. As far as I'm concerned, cruelty, harshness, cruelty is infidelity. And I'm heartbroken this happened to you, man. You sound like a pretty great guy.

[Caller John]

Thank you. And I'll try. I'm not perfect.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, none of us are.

[Show Host]

But your willingness to look in the

[Dr. John DeLoney]

mirror and say, how can I change when there's a problem tells you're a man of service and humility, which the world needs more of. And as the guy who's sitting right next to you here, I want to tell you, you're worth more than this.

[Caller John]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're worth more than this. Okay.

[Caller John]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're worth somebody figuring these problems out on your team, not against you.

[Caller Anna]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I hope, hope, hope I'm wrong. I don't think I am, but I hope I am. Okay.

[Caller John]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If I am wrong and she says, no, no, no, no. I'm so sorry. You're my person. God, I didn't know it was a big deal. Here's all my passcodes. I can't believe I said. I can't believe it came out that way.

[Show Host]

I said it wrong.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm so sorry. If she does all that, then I want you to have done the work of saying, okay, here's a roadmap to what I want. And on a few things, here's what I need.

[Caller John]

Okay?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But I want you to walk in your own picture this with me, brother. I want you to walk in the front door of your home or your apartment, wherever you all live. And I want that to be the shelter from the storm that is the world around us. I want your wife and your home to be the safest place. And y' all have to co create that. And I want you to be her safe place. And right now, probably the most anxious you get in your life is walking through the doors of your own home.

[Caller John]

You're 100% right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay? You're worth more than that. Let me know how that conversation goes, brother. And reach out anytime I can help. I'll walk you with you through any of this stuff, man. I hate that this has happened to you. And I hate that she has weaponized your deepest, deepest insecurities and weaponized them. It breaks my heart for you. Breaks my heart for her, too, man. It's got to be miserable being in. In inside her skin. Absolutely miserable. To think that you have the audacity, the ability to just like somebody, hand you the nuclear codes to their spirit and just hit every button. Can't imagine living a life like that. We'll be right back.

[Show Host]

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[Dr. John DeLoney]

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[Show Host]

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[Dr. John DeLoney]

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[Show Host]

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[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's up, Kenny?

[Caller Kenny]

Hi. Hi, Dr. John. How are you?

[Show Host]

I'm doing great, brother. How are you, man?

[Caller Kenny]

Good, man.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's up?

[Caller Kenny]

My question is, what's the point of marriage? I can get into detail a little bit.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's a great question. I've asked myself that question for years.

[Show Host]

Yeah, great question. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Tell me the genesis of that question.

[Caller Kenny]

So we've been together 10 years. We do everything as husband and wife. We just had a child. We call each other husband and wife. I don't think right now it seems like marriage is for everybody else. Where I want it to be about us. And she comes from a different family dynamic that I'm not, you know, I'm not accustomed to. I grew up differently, where her mom's very controlling and wants to control everything. So I'm at the point where, like, either we just go to a courthouse and piss everybody off or. You know what I mean?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Show Host]

So is your question an existential one?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Like, is marriage still worth it? Is it a thing?

[Show Host]

Is it some sort of outdated relic or whatever?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Or is your question, how do I deal with my. Like, what?

[Show Host]

Now that I.

[Caller Kenny]

Maybe a little bit of.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm. I'm doing a life with somebody. And doing a life with somebody means their family comes with them?

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah, maybe a little bit of both. I mean, we thought that we were never going to get married, and we were fine with that. And then I think because we have a child now, she, my wife decided to, you know, she wants to, she wants my name because she wants all of us to have the same name. And now we're thinking more about it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's awesome, man.

[Show Host]

So give me your. If you were like in a court

[Dr. John DeLoney]

of law and you were going to make a case against the act of marriage, like legally binding, spiritually binding, if you're people of faith, like against that act, what would your case be?

[Caller Kenny]

Well, I'm not, I'm not a person. I like, I'm not a religious person. So to me it just seems like we just want a big party with everybody, you know, with everybody. We're not huge on the, you know, on the ceremony portion.

[Show Host]

Sure. But make me a case about it

[Dr. John DeLoney]

being something like, why wouldn't you. You've been with the person 10 years.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What is it about legally binding yourself? Like, like giving yourself guardrails of putting your. Both of your feet in that boat and it's going to be a big deal to get out of that boat. Why does that scare you or why are you against that idea?

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah, it's a good question. It probably has to do with her family, to be honest.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Tell me about that.

[Caller Kenny]

As I said, her mom's very controlling. We got, when I first met her, she wouldn't do anything without, you know, her parents and stuff. We ended up moving away. That was a little bit of the reason. But it was also because we couldn't afford a house close to where they were.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sure.

[Caller Kenny]

And it's gotten a lot better since we moved away. But they always wanted. Yeah, it's. We want to live our life the way we want to live our life. And they, they always decided to tell us how to live our life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Gotcha. So I think your question is less about marriage and more about how to navigate this. And I'll help you with that. I'm finishing up a two year. When I say I went down the rabbit hole, brother, I went down the rabbit hole trying to answer the question, a, is marriage still worth it? And if it is, how do you do it in this crazy world we live in?

[Caller Kenny]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And the, the, I'll even say I wasn't even surprised. I was stunned by the. How conclusive the evidence was. Okay. And I'm a person of faith, but I'm putting that on the side for a second. Okay. Single cohabitating couples, people who are single or couples who just in indefinitely live together, they have less good outcomes if you Will not say their outcomes are bad, but they are not as good as the multiplying effect of a legally bound marriage. Kids outcomes are improved. Giving your kids the quote unquote, best opportunity. I was shocked. I thought it was an Internet trope. I thought it was like an Instagram, like, oh, that's cute thing to say. The data backs up the greatest opportunity, the greatest things I can do for my kids, all the things I want to give them so that they can have the greatest life. That energy is best spent looking directly at my spouse and saying all until death do us part. And that gives my kids something so concrete to anchor into that they can. They can rappel off the side of that cliff and go do amazing, great things. But I'm talking about health outcomes, more sex. What are some of the other ones?

[Show Host]

Financial outcomes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All of it anchored back to the greatest. The greatest center point of those outcomes was to go be married. And not only be married, but be married well, or be married. Awesome. If you're married bad, everything is reverse roi. It has a. An enormous negative impact, right?

[Show Host]

And I think it's. I think as a culture, we like, we all.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

We can look at outcomes like, say, go to college, right? It may change, but right now, if you go to college, your outcomes, you have a better chance at better outcomes, okay? It just. This is a fact. And so as a culture here in the states especially, we have said, okay, here's college readiness programs, here's scholarship programs.

[Show Host]

We've done a bunch of things to say, hey, if you go through the.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Go through it, go to college, graduate. You have opportunities to accelerate your. Your. Your good outcomes, right? But for some reason, we've had an allergy to saying, hey, man, like, if you go do this thing called get married, and you really change everything and do it really, really well, your outcomes are outsized in that way, too. And I think it's because people have been abused. People end up single parents, people, like, for all sorts of reasons, and we don't want to shame anybody. Um, and so I get that impulse, but, man, I'm telling you right now, and I'll tell you this, I'm 23 and a half years married. There has been several times when the only reason we're still together today is because of the pain it would have been to go through the court system, right? And that sounds like, ooh, that's lame and gross or whatever, but, dude, I have only eaten, well, certain times because I got rid of all the junk food out of my house. I have only exercised Sometimes in my life because I knew I had somebody meeting me at the gym. And so I think just because there's accountability, just because there is hurdles doesn't mean it's a bad thing. In fact, I think it's. It means it matters. It means it's a good thing. And so, dude, I can't, I can't overstate enough the importance of finding somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with and dedicating yourself to serving that person and praying to God or if you don't believe in

[Show Host]

God, just hoping really big that they

[Dr. John DeLoney]

bring that same attitude to you and y' all will build something that changes both of Yalls family tree into something extraordinary now.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can I.

[Caller Kenny]

That makes sense.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can I propose something to you?

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And it. Tell me if I'm wrong. Okay. You're not as mad at your mother in law as you are with your, with your girlfriend.

[Caller Kenny]

I agree. Yeah, I know.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Tell me about that.

[Caller Kenny]

I think I was taught from like a pretty young age to stand up for myself and to. Yeah. So the biggest thing is boundaries. Right. Like she, like, she's gotten a lot better, but it's, it's putting boundaries there so that they know. But like not boundaries with yourself, like telling them this is a boundary. Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can I go one level deeper than that?

[Caller John]

Yeah.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Boundaries are a decision that sits upon another big decision that she has chosen you over them.

[Caller Kenny]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There's no reason to make a boundary if they still come first. There's no reason to make a boundary if you're still going to do everything you can to seek the. Their approval. Even though both of y' all know that approval is never going to come.

[Caller Kenny]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Right. And there's this gnawing question in your spirit. It sounds like, are you picking me? Because it sounds like you continue to pick them.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I think that every person, and this is biochemical, this is neurosciences, all the nerd stuff you want to talk about. But I think to say it in the simplest way, every person, all of us need to be seen and known and truly celebrated and when appropriate, challenged. But I think it has to happen in that order. And if you spent the last decade seeing and knowing her and celebrating the crap out of her, man, being her number one cheerleader and she only sees and knows you after she gets done talking to her mom about it. I think you have to deal with the pain and the grief of that because that hurts, man. And the choice like your mother in law can only or your girlfriend's mom, whatever you want to call her, she can only impact yalls relationship as much as your wife, and subsequently you allow it. Right, Zafara?

[Caller John]

I agree.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Show Host]

So my question for you is for.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

For her and for you.

[Show Host]

How long are you going to let

[Dr. John DeLoney]

this woman have a bigger vote at your table than the only two votes that matter, which is you and your wife, you and your girlfriend, On everything from how you're going to raise your kid, what you're going to name your kid, y' all going to get married in any way possible.

[Show Host]

By the way, here's the reason I

[Dr. John DeLoney]

think legal marriage is still important. Okay. It gives everybody a framework for what happens if this thing breaks down. And nobody likes to think about that, but I think that's important. There's a path and there's some legal support for other systems and cohabitation. All that. But the clearest one still is if this thing falls apart. Here is a path for how this is going to be handled. And I think that's really important.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You've made a human with this. With this girl. So. Or with this woman. So y' all are in it for life together in some way, shape, form or fashion, regardless.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Are you.

[Show Host]

Are.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is she your person?

[Caller Kenny]

Absolutely.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Are you willing to go all in carrying her as a responsibility. Right. And allowing her to carry you as a responsibility for the rest of Yalls life?

[Caller John]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is she?

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, then if. If you're not a person of faith, you don't have a bigger picture of this thing. Follow the data.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah, absolutely. That helps a lot.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Congratulations, man. What's your kid's name? Actually, don't, don't, don't give me the name. Don't, don't give me the name over the phone. That's okay. I mean over the air. But just. I'll shut. Shout you out, baby. Here do when.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah, he's 10 months old.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

10 months old. All right. Make the rest of your life about taking care of his mom.

[Caller Kenny]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Awesome.

[Caller Kenny]

Thanks, man.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Hey, it's been an honor to talk to you, my brother. Call any time. And great question. It's a question that haunted me for years and years. And I don't know that I've been more confident in something in a long, long time. Great, great question.

[Show Host]

When we come back, a woman asks, should she tell her long term friend

[Dr. John DeLoney]

that her partner is paying for sex? Jeez.

[Show Host]

Hey, I want to talk about love for a second and not the Titanic I'll never let go kind of nonsense. Love or the shot through the heart Kind of Bon Jovi love. I'm talking about a love that makes you take care of the people closest to you. I'm talking about term life from Xander Insurance. If you have anyone depending on you, your spouse's kids, anyone, you need term life insurance. My wife and I trust Xander for term life insurance to take care of our kids and our family after we're gone. I've used them for years, long before I started this show. Because I trust Xander Insurance when it comes to term life. Here's the deal. You should get coverage of 10 to 12 times your income because that gives your family real protection. So if the unthinkable happens, your family can spend their time grieving and not worrying about where their next meal is

[Dr. John DeLoney]

going to come from.

[Show Host]

Zander makes buying term life insurance simple with clear guidance and honest support. They help you figure out the right amount of coverage for you and your family. And then they shop all the top companies to find the best price. Getting term life insurance is a way of saying I love you. Especially when you can no longer say it yourself. Go to Xander.com or call 1-800-356-4282 and get term life insurance the right way. That's Xander.com. all right, let's go out to Reno911 Nevada and talk to Anna. Hey Anna, what's up?

[Caller Anna]

Hi. I do have a question.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's up?

[Caller Anna]

I have a 10 year friendship with one of my really close friends. I recently just had a gathering and her, I'm not sure if they're married or not but her boyfriend told my brother and showed proof that he's been paying for sex and buying these women stuff. Because I do have a great relationship with her, I'm not sure if I should get involved. My main worry is because she just had a baby. So I'm worried for like any STDs or possible danger because he has seen prostitutes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Show Host]

I mean I want to honor the

[Dr. John DeLoney]

fact that you're calling me, but your first call should have been to her. This is as clear of a no brainer as I've, as I, as I ever get on the show. Yes.

[Caller Kenny]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes, Yes. A thousand times yes. This is a, this is a friend. If I knew somebody for 30 minutes. Ah, maybe not 30 minutes, but if I knew somebody for a short period of time and I know they're in danger, you better believe I'm going to say something. A ten year friendship. Yeah.

[Caller Anna]

I'm just worried that if she ends up with him or back with him that it fire backs on me.

[Show Host]

So it's. There's an old saying that I love

[Dr. John DeLoney]

not by your hand, but in your lap. Okay. We had. We got hit by this wild ice storm a month or two ago here in Nashville. And even just yesterday, there were guys out cutting down trees in my yard because they're dead and some of them had fallen over. I didn't cause that. I didn't have anything to do with that, but I have to deal with the cleanup. And this is a similar situation. You were just doing life, having some friends over, some family members over, and then boom, somebody handed you a live grenade and said, your close friend is in a terrible, terrible situation. And so as of now, the friendship you had with her is different. It's not over, but it's very different.

[Caller John]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I always want my friendships to be based on honesty and respect and dignity. And so if she chooses to not be friends with you in the future, because she chooses this guy who's cheating on her, buying prostitutes, putting her at risk, etc, and she chooses him to be the parent, I mean, to be the full time parent of that kid, then you get to choose if you want to be friends with that person or not.

[Caller Anna]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But I don't ever want to look in the mirror and think I didn't do the right thing because it was scary or because it was hard. I always want to make the next right move. And letting your friend know they're in danger, they're a cuckold, they are getting run around on all those things.

[Show Host]

And you may find out, oh, she already knows.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then y' all got to talk through that, you know what I mean? Like. But yeah, I'm always going to default to being a person who's going to tell my friends the truth whether they got a booger on their nose or whether they. Your spouse or their baby daddy is out buying Pro. I mean, yeah, I. I would tell them. I would tell them. I would tell them. I would tell them. I would have told him yesterday.

[Caller Anna]

Okay. Yeah, she does know a little bit because she mentioned that he loves to go to strip clubs, but she doesn't know the full extent. And so, yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Show Host]

And some of this may blow back on your brother.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And for like, that guy calls and I can't believe you told, bro, it's my sister.

[Show Host]

It's your.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm gonna tell. And he needs to have the courage to do that as well. But, yeah, no brainer.

[Show Host]

Easy.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Make the. I mean, the call might be hard, but make the call. Be direct. Let her know what you've seen. And tell her I'll walk with you through this entire next chapter because it's going to be messy. Thanks for call.

[Show Host]

It's now spring, which means my family is back out in the woods and on the lake for more adventures. And what do we have with us? Our Montana Knife Company knives all the time. Why? Because Montana Knife Company knives rule. They are designed to, tested and built right here in the United States by real hunters, real fishermen, real chefs. And we get back home, my whole family uses Montana Knife company kitchen knives to cook and prepare all the adventurous vegetables and meat and fish that we've caught and pulled and grown. Why? Because their knives are the best. They're razor sharp right out of the box. They're tough enough to be used every day. I can't say this enough. They're just amazing. But here's what really sells me. Montana Knife Company stands behind their work for life. When your knife needs sharpening, or if you ever need them repaired, you just send them back and Montana Knife company will take care of everything else. These are the kind of knives that your grandkids are going to fight over someday. If you're looking for knives that are built to work inside and outside and built to last, go to montanaknifecompany.com and see what's available. Right now, that's montanaknifecompanya.com. all right, we're back. Am I the problem, Kelly? I'll tell you the problem.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The wife of that first caller. But go ahead.

[Caller Kelly]

We agree. We took a poll in here and we agree.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

This is when I wish I had the powers of 11, because I would be going and she would have projectile rocket diarrhea right now. But alas, I'm just a mere mortal. Yes, you are in the right side up.

[Caller Kelly]

Sorry about that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Bums me out.

[Caller Kelly]

Yeah, I know.

[Show Host]

All right, go ahead. Who's the problem?

[Caller Kelly]

So this is from Anonymous G. Anonymous

[Show Host]

G. Dude, that sets your rap name.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Ben100. Anonymous G in Houston.

[Show Host]

So hton, there's a lot of anonymous

[Dr. John DeLoney]

GS rolling in Houston. Dude.

[Show Host]

In there.

[Caller Kelly]

I looked at Houston, I'd be want to be anonymous too.

[Show Host]

Dude, whatever.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's chopped and screwed, dude. They're just going slow, drinking that lean,

[Show Host]

huge H town Mark Jones. Dude.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Just.

[Show Host]

Yes, just.

[Caller Kelly]

Sorry, people. I think John has had an aneurysm.

[Show Host]

I got thrown back to my roots.

[Caller Kenny]

Dude. I love it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Caller Kelly]

You're so white.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

To my precious suburb.

[Caller Kelly]

Exactly. You were raised about like I was in a suburb.

[Show Host]

Listen, lady, listen.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Sometimes kids had Spray paint said bad words.

[Caller Kelly]

Not like we were from the mean streets.

[Show Host]

Yeah, speak for yourself, Mike Jones. All right, go for it. I bet your parents listen.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Go for it.

[Caller Kelly]

All right. Anonymous G rights. Anywho, I am a Christian and my husband used to be, but now considers himself an atheist. Is it wrong for me to take my three kids, elementary age, to church with me? If my husband disagrees and says that I'm imposing my beliefs on them and that they should make their own choices one day, should I stop taking them?

[Show Host]

No. Kids need structure.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

They're, they're going to come up with

[Show Host]

their own beliefs anyway.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Give them a routine.

[Show Host]

And by the way, even atheist economists

[Dr. John DeLoney]

say if I could snap my fingers,

[Show Host]

I'd have everybody go back to church. It gives structure to a week give

[Dr. John DeLoney]

structure to a system. It gives you a group of people

[Show Host]

that you do life with. And my beliefs are radically different than

[Dr. John DeLoney]

the house of worship I was dragged to as a kid. But I had structure in my life and I had parents that believed in a thing.

[Show Host]

And this idea that I'm just going

[Dr. John DeLoney]

to let my 9 year old or 10 year old or 7 year old just decide for themselves.

[Show Host]

They're 9 and 10 and 7. They can't. They can't.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so good grief, yes, go, go get them involved in things.

[Show Host]

And if you're both atheists and you both don't want to go to house worship, fine, great. But get your kids involved in things bigger than themselves.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's a cornerstone of mental and emotional health. And don't outsource their systems of beliefs

[Show Host]

to their developing brains.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Good grief. Kind of world do we live in?

[Caller Kelly]

A world where you think you're from the mean streets of Houston.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You, you,

[Show Host]

You go listen to Mike Jones and Paul Wall for one hour

[Dr. John DeLoney]

and tell me your life's not better.

[Caller Kelly]

I know who they are. I'm fully aware.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Listen, sometimes you just have to go with the truth. That, damn, it feels good to be a gangster.