My Wife Told Me She Isn’t Attracted to Me (What Do I Do?)

Summary

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The Dr. John Delony Show

Episode: My Wife Told Me She Isn’t Attracted to Me (What Do I Do?)
Host: Dr. John Delony
Date: February 23, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. John Delony takes on deeply personal and sensitive calls about marriage, intimacy, trauma, and family boundaries. The conversations delve into issues of vulnerability in relationships, weight and self-worth, the aftermath of betrayal and sexual assault, and the heartache of fractured family ties. Through candid dialogue, Dr. Delony provides compassionate, actionable advice and empathetically challenges his callers to face hard realities, choose growth, and insist on safety and self-respect.

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Main Callers & Key Discussion Points

Caller 1: Matt from Ottawa

Topic: His wife told him she is no longer attracted to him due to significant weight gain, sparking struggles with self-worth and anxiety.

Key Discussion Points

• The Point of Crisis
  • Matt shares that his wife recently said, “I just don’t feel attracted to you. You’ve gained a lot of weight.” (01:16)
  • This revelation triggered old wounds from a prior traumatic marriage, causing anxiety and loss of confidence.
• Life Circumstances
  • Both are working and in school full-time, have many kids—life feels chaotic and intimacy feels lost. (02:18)
• Weight Gain as Signal
  • Matt gained 60-70 pounds in a year—a big shift after losing over 100 pounds post-divorce. (03:14)
  • Dr. John: “I’m wondering if the weight gain is the light on the dashboard for what’s going on internally in you. That is probably the source of loss of attraction.” (04:24)
• Recursive Dynamics
  • Cycle of isolation, emotional pain, eating for comfort, drifting further from intimacy.
• Root Issues
  • Matt internalized “not enough” messaging from his ex-wife of 25 years. (07:05)
  • Dr. John: “We marry what’s familiar… all those old patterns and all those old demons.” (07:27)
• Shifting the Focus
  • Dr. John stresses self-worth and care: “The journey back… will include taking care of your health, but if you shoot out tomorrow to lose 70 pounds, you’re going to go with you… that same insecure guy… same spirit in that chest.” (09:21)
  • Attraction is about confidence and self-care, not perfection: "The confident guy, the guy who stands tall, who believes he’s worth exercising and also believes, 'Yeah, dude, I’ll have a beer.' That’s the guy that she married.” (11:27)
• The “Choose Your Hard” Model

  • Both being unhealthy and healing are hard—choose the pain that leads to growth. (12:11)

    “What you have before you is not an easy path or a hard path. You have two hard paths. And so the one I would suggest you choose is the one that’s going to get you where you want to be.”
    — Dr. John Delony (12:58)

• Four Action Steps (13:51)
  1. Write a Letter to your future self, detailing your love and hopes, and setting down old hurtful narratives. (14:03)
  2. Share with Your Wife—read her the letter to invite witness and connection.
  3. Call a Counselor—commit to trauma work and lay down old burdens.
  4. Start Small Habits—use notecards to list daily actions of care for yourself and your family.
     • “You have to prove to yourself you’re worth keeping your promises.” (17:17)
• Tool Recommendations
  • Building a Non Anxious Life book, EveryDollar app (for financial stress), “Together” marriage micro-habit app. (18:28)
• Check-in Invitation
  • Dr. John asks Matt to check back monthly, offering ongoing support and encouragement. (18:15)

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Caller 2: Katie from Dallas

Topic: Struggles with intimacy due to marital sexual assault (marital rape), seeking healing and clarity.

Key Discussion Points

• Recounting the Trauma
  • Katie reveals waking up multiple times over years to her husband having sex with her while asleep. (23:41)
  • Dr. John is unequivocal: “That’s rape, honey… that is a huge, big, big deal.” (23:54)
• Impact on Trust and Safety
  • Katie’s body responds by shutting down intimacy and general communication safety. She feels afraid to ask for things or discuss vulnerability. (25:43)
• Validation & Naming Reality
  • Dr. John reassures:

    “You’re not crazy. Your body's working perfectly, trying to keep you safe, away from a monster.” (24:07)

  • “None of your lack of interest in sex is an excuse for rape.” (24:10)
• Processing and Support
  • Katie is in counseling, but is haunted by the word 'rape' and the implication with her husband/father of her kids. (29:01)
  • Dr. John outlines the "math” of trauma: “The math doesn’t work — not because you’re not good at math… that type of abuse is so disturbing, so unnatural, so wrong, it makes any sort of calculation hard to compute. You’re not crazy.” (29:31)
• Healing Steps
  • “You, as the person who had her autonomy taken away… get to decide what happens next. Period.” (30:38)
  • Recommends building a support team—“You can’t walk through this by yourself.” (31:16)
  • Restoring safety—physical, emotional, psychological—has to come first before rebuilding anything else. (34:25)
• Clarification of Consent
  • “Just because you came onto him in the past doesn’t give him license in the future… without your consent today.” (33:36)
• Actionable Suggestions and Support Network
  • Outlines possible actions, from counseling together to requesting separation or involving authorities, but emphasizes it's her decision. (38:21)
• Excluding Harmful Influences
  • “Anybody who says ‘move on’ or diminishes your story disqualifies themselves from your life.” (37:27)
• Notable Moments
  • Katie voices her doubts about her reality; Dr. John affirms her sanity and her right to choose her path. (35:57)

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Caller 3: Adam from Los Angeles

Topic: Estrangement from abusive father and whether/how to share news about expecting his first child.

Key Discussion Points

• Background
  • Adam and his brothers confronted their father’s lifetime of emotional, spiritual, and verbal abuse; father declined to take responsibility or repair. (43:34–45:48)
  • Adam is now expecting a baby and is uncertain about informing his parents given the estrangement.
• Family Grief and Boundaries
  • Dr. John: “If you have made the decision that the things that went on in your childhood were so bad that I don’t want to be in communication with you… then God help you if you let your child around that nonsense.” (46:37)
  • Highlights the natural longing to share big life moments with family, yet affirms boundaries when safety is a concern.
• On Grief and Responsibility
  • “Boundaries always, whether short-term or long-term, come with consequences. Sometimes it feels like peace, but when you have good news, it feels like loss.” (47:56)
  • Adam mourns the grandfather relationship his child won’t have—Dr. John emphasizes the importance of seeking other father-figures and mentors.

    “Your job becomes — not just to do the cutting off — but 'Alright, who’s going to fill that role?'” (50:44)

• Letter Writing Exercise
  • Dr. John instructs Adam to write (but not send) a letter to his father with three sections:
    1. What happened (the truth, both good and bad)
    2. Fairly assigning blame and gratitude
    3. Declaration of the father/husband he commits to be for his child (56:23)
• Decision Points
  • If Adam chooses to share baby news, be clear and intentional; prepare for potential responses or visits.
  • “Don’t give anyone your integrity. If you’re the kind of guy who would reach out, do it — but decide ahead how you’ll handle any response.” (53:10)
  • Anchors Adam in owning his story and future:

    “You get to start practicing that in a thousand tiny little ways now.” (57:55)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Confidence and Attraction:

  “The confident guy, the guy that stands tall, the guy that believes he’s worth exercising and also believes, ‘Yeah, dude, I’ll have a beer.’ That’s the guy that she married, that’s the guy she can anchor into.”
  — Dr. John Delony (11:27)

• On Healing from Abuse:

  “Marital rape is never okay. Ever, ever, ever, ever okay. And nobody has a right to somebody else’s body without their consent, ever. I don’t care what church you go to. I don’t care what gender you are.”
  — Dr. John Delony (39:56)

• On Choosing Your Path:

  “Being 70 pounds overweight is hard… Going to talk to a counselor for a season… that’s hard too. So what you have before you is not an easy path or a hard path. You have two hard paths. Choose the one that’s going to get you where you want to be.”
  — Dr. John Delony (12:11–12:58)

• On Fatherhood & Boundaries:

  “If you have made the decision that the things that went on in your childhood were so bad that I don’t want to be in communication with you as an adult… then God help you if you let your child around that nonsense.”
  — Dr. John Delony (46:37)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Matt’s Call – Marriage, Attraction, Weight, and Self-worth:
  [01:03]–[19:00]
• Katie’s Call – Marital Sexual Assault, Healing, and Safety:
  [22:24]–[39:56]
• Adam’s Call – Family Estrangement, New Fatherhood, Boundaries:
  [42:00]–[58:29]

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Tone, Language & Engagement

Dr. Delony’s approach throughout is direct, compassionate, and unflinchingly honest. He challenges shame, calls out harmful behaviors, and pushes listeners to do the deep personal work needed for healing—always with empathy, realism, and gentle encouragement.

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For Listeners: Takeaways

• For those feeling rejected or struggling with self-worth: Healing starts with internal change, not just external. Small, self-respecting actions rebuild confidence and intimacy.
• Survivors of betrayal or abuse: Your reality is valid; your safety is essential. No one has a right to your body or trust without your clear, ongoing consent.
• Estranged from family: Boundaries protect, but grief is real. There is courage in creating a new kind of family, and in choosing who you become for others.

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If you’re facing similar challenges, know that you're not alone, and that taking the next right step—however small—is a profound act of strength.

Transcript

[A]

I had a conversation last week with my wife. She said to me, hey, I just don't feel attracted to you. You've gained a lot of weight. Intimacy and sex, it seems to be gone as a reason. And that's when it came out.

[B]

Back me up 18 months.

[C]

What happened, man? Inside your chest like you married this person. Do you love her?

[B]

Hey, what's going on? This is John with a Dr. Lon show coming to you from Nashville, Tennessee.

[C]

I hope you are doing great, Hope you're doing great in every part of your life. And if you're like me, it's probably not every part of your life, but I'm glad that you're here talking about your mental and emotional health, your relationships, your kids, your marriages, whatever you got going on in your life, I'll sit with you and we're going to figure out what's the next right thing to do.

[B]

Go to john deloney.com askask if you want to get your call in on the show.

[C]

Love to have you. Let's go out to Ottawa, Ontario and talk to Matt.

[B]

What's up, Matt?

[A]

Hey, Dr. John. How you doing?

[C]

I'm good, brother. How are you, man?

[A]

Good, good. Thanks for taking my call. I really appreciate it. It's an honor.

[C]

Of course. What's up, man?

[A]

Yeah, so just had conversation last week with my wife and we were talking about just some things and then she came out after some prompting, just she was bothered by something and I said, she said to me, hey, I just don't feel attracted to you. You've gained a lot of weight this year. We just recently got married this last year. So it just really hit me, kind of rocked my confidence history from my background as I went through a very traumatic experience with my ex wife. And it was very difficult. So hearing that just kind of triggered a lot of. And I'm just struggling. Like, how do I move forward with this? I just don't even know. Just kind of cold wounds come up and yeah, the anxiety, you know, all that just goes through the roof.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, I'm glad you called, man.

[C]

Thanks for pulling up a seat, dude. What, what, what was the conversation about? Like, y' all sat down to. You said you sat down to have a conversation.

[B]

What was it about?

[A]

Yeah, it was just about talking about time issues. We're very busy family, working full time. Both of us are in school full time, got lots of kids and it's just very difficult. So just sitting down and talking. I had asked her why, like I just said, you know, like a spontaneous intimacy and sex is. It seems to be gone as a reason. And that's when it came out.

[C]

Okay, so you. You were sitting down saying, hey, our lives are chaotic and bananas. And the thing you miss this is just the spontaneous hookups y' all had.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Before all these responsibilities piled in. And she told you, I'm not attracted to you anymore.

[A]

Yeah, just for the weekend. It's not that he doesn't love me or doesn't care about me. It's just. She's just, hey, dude, this is an issue. So how much.

[C]

How much weight have you gained in the last year or two years?

[A]

Probably about 60, 70 pounds.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I did lose a huge amount of weight before that through the last marriage, so I was down well over £100 before. Yeah.

[B]

Is it.

[C]

That's a significant amount of weight gain in a short amount of time.

[A]

Yeah, that's real. And I'm so glad she was real with me.

[C]

Yeah. No kidding. I'm wondering a couple of things. One, there's the aesthetic. Right there is like.

[B]

And I'm.

[C]

Is it okay? Like, it's just two dudes hanging out at a bar. Can I just be super blunt and direct? Is that cool?

[A]

Just hit me. I have no problem.

[C]

All right, so like, 70 pounds, newly added to a person. That's a thing, right? Any of us would be lying if we said we can't see it. We don't experience it.

[B]

It.

[C]

Having sex. Like, I don't feel it. Like, £70. And £70. And £70. Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I am more interested. And what. Trans. What transpired inside of you during that slide in your health?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because I'm wondering if that is the source of where that. That. Okay, aesthetic. Fine. You don't fit in the same shirt you used to be able to wear. You had to buy a bunch of bigger pants. Whatever. That's a thing. But before that is this guy that I am spontaneously desiring, the guy I can't keep my hands off of has become a different guy from the inside out. And I'm wondering if the weight gain is the light on the dashboard for what's going on internally in you. That is probably the source of loss of attraction.

[A]

Yeah, I would. I agree with that.

[C]

And it's been my experience, sitting with people, that those things are recursive, which is a nerdy way of saying they feed off each other. Meaning you start closing up, old demons come back, you get busy, you stop paying attention, you stop helping around that. You stop being a part of the ecosystem that allows spontaneous sex to happen. And she pulls away a little bit. You eat a little more. She pulls away a little bit more. You eat a little bit more. You stay up a little bit later. Right. And it feeds itself. Is that fair?

[A]

Absolutely fair.

[C]

Okay. All right, so I'm interested. Back me up 18 months. What happened, man?

[B]

Inside your chest?

[C]

Like, you married this person. Do you love her? Clearly you love her.

[A]

Oh, absolutely.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think for me, it's just the. I made her my life.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Be honest. Two dudes sitting at the table.

[C]

You made her your life, but when you got her, then you moved on.

[A]

No, no, just that I do everything I can, work hard, take kids places, do things at home I can and. And just, you know, try to. I stop going to the gym, stop taking care of myself.

[C]

Okay, but beneath that, you stopped caring for yourself.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You stopped valuing you so that you could go do the amazing things of valuing your wife and your kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Tell me about that loss of care for that dude that you see in the mirror every day.

[A]

I think the struggle is just not feeling good enough. I solved.

[C]

Where's that story come from, man?

[A]

Just being over 25 years of. With my ex, who told me almost every day I wasn't enough.

[C]

Okay. And my guess is after that, again, I'm making stuff up here. You tell me if I'm wrong. After a long. After a long two and a half decades of that kind of messaging, my guess is also we end up. We. We marry. What's familiar? So my guess is those stories may have started even before you met her. You're only lovable if. Or you're not enough, or you're always the pudgy kid in the husky jeans, or you're always the whatever.

[A]

Right, Exactly.

[C]

And then your body marries somebody that's familiar that it recognizes, and accidentally, without meaning to, kicks up the entire thing again just on steroids. Because now you have a home and kids and whatever together. But sometimes after a breakup of that long with that kind of messaging tends to barbell. Either people shut down and go in a shell and that's it, they're out. Or they use the fuel of.

[B]

I'll show you.

[C]

I lose a bunch of weight, I get a new job, I get on the market. I'll show you. And the problem with I'll show you energy is it's. Is it's jet fuel. It's really hot, and it gets you where you want to go, but it burns up real, real fast. And the boring, mundane, regular life of being married tends to bring back all those old Patterns and all those old stories and all those old demons.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Does that ring true?

[A]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[C]

Does your wife tell you the truth? She is, she's someone who's honest with you.

[A]

Yeah. Since the beginning, since we started, we both went through trauma in our past and. Okay, right from day one, we, that was our. We've just been honest and open.

[C]

Okay, then she's told you she loves you.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So in those moments of darkness when you don't think you're worth being loved, can you at least believe the woman that tells you the truth?

[A]

Yeah, absolutely.

[C]

The journey back here, it will, it will include taking care of your health, which will by proxy include losing weight. Okay. If you shoot out Tomorrow to lose 70 pounds, you're going to do that, but you're going to go with you. Meaning that same insecure guy, that same guy who doesn't know that he's enough is going to have a different number on the scale, but he's going to have the same spirit inside of that chest.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And so what I'm interested for you now is even in the dark, trusting her that you're worth being loved and then beginning to change the story inside your own heart, which is

[B]

I'm worth

[C]

getting up and going to the gym. I'm worth having breakfast with my kids. I'm worth working hard what you do. And I'm worth taking care of myself so that I can work hard so that I can love. Well, yeah, because I, I've read the data on what women find attractive and it's, it's, it's actually there's a lot of frustration on the Internet because yes, looking at a dude who's ripped with six pack abs, like, it looks nice

[B]

and it's awesome and it feels cool.

[C]

All that's great. But in fact, I just saw something the other day. Women look at also like what I would call the gym, like the golden gym. God, body, right. And they also can sense the life that comes along with that body. And it's kind of like me. Like that's the guy that can't just sit with me on the couch and have a piece of pizza every once in a while. That's the guy that's going to go spend two hours in the gym instead of listening to me talk about my day. And what's fascinating is the body that most women said, this is the apex. This is, this is what we find super attractive. Was a fit guy, but not a ripped guy. And what it tells me is the, and there's some nuance to that study, yada, yada like. But underneath it, what it tells me is the confident guy, the guy that stands tall, the guy that believes he's worth exercising and also believes, yeah, dude, I'll have a beer. That's the guy that she married, that's the guy she met, that's the guy she can anchor into.

[A]

How do I get there?

[C]

You're going to have to decide that you're worth going back and challenging those stories. Have you heard me talk about choosing your hard path?

[A]

No, I haven't heard that. No.

[C]

Okay, so I've heard a lot. Here's the deal. I'm going to make it as simple as possible. Being 70 pounds overweight is hard. Your knees hurt, your back hurts, you don't have near the amount of intimacy and sex and connection. It's hard to get on the, on the, roll around and play with your kids. Yeah, it's hard getting a seat belt

[B]

extender on the plane, all those things are hard.

[C]

Catching your breath when you go up two flights of stairs is hard, right? It just is. And going back and doing the trauma work that you need to do, going to talk to a counselor for a season, journaling, writing down every day some things that you're grateful for. About you coming up with a routine and just keeping your promises to yourself and not crazy routines, but little routines, that's hard too. And so what you have before you is not an easy path or a hard path. You have two hard paths. And so the one I would suggest you choose is the one that's going to get you where you want to be.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

To a guy that trusts himself, to a guy that's confident, to a guy that his wife can't keep her hands off of. To a guy that keeps his eyes open for what needs to be done around the house so he can create an environment where desire is possible. Right?

[A]

Yeah, definitely.

[C]

I guess at the end of the day, do you believe you're worth the work?

[A]

Yeah, I do. Just gotta get over that.

[C]

You don't, don't get over it. Don't get over it. Okay. I want you to change that language. We're gonna get through it. We're gonna walk right through it. So here's what I want you to do today, okay?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I want you to do these four things. Ready?

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Number one, I want you to write yourself a letter. How old are you right now?

[A]

I am 50.

[C]

You're 50? I want you to write 52 year old you a letter. And what we're going to do is we're going to write 52 year old Matt and tell him that you love that guy and you love him so much that you started making changes at 50 so that he could have the life he's always dreamed of. We're going to tell him about the hurts that we've gone through as kids and that we're going to work on them. We might need to tell them about the stuff dad said mom did. We're going to write down some of the stories that ex wife repeated over and over and over and over again and we're going to commit to setting those stories down or if they were true, some of them were true. We're going to work through those.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

All right, that's number one. Number two, I want you to have another conversation with your wife that starts out with thank you for loving me enough to tell me the truth. I want to read you a letter I wrote to 52 year old me and I want you to read that letter out loud to her. Grief demands a witness. All the secrets that you carry, those things weigh you down like cinder blocks. We're setting that crap down today.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

Okay, number three, we're going to call a counselor. This is the season. You're 50 in imaginary land. You're halfway home. Statistically, you're 2/3 of the way home.

[A]

Yeah, okay,

[C]

so you're in the third or fourth quarter, depending on what changes you make in your life right now. We're going to call a counselor. We're going to stop carrying that crap from when we were kids. We're a victim no longer. We were victimized, but we're a victim no longer. And then number four, you're gonna go to like a local diner. I mean, not diner, but like a nickel and dime store. Walgreens. I don't know what they have in Ontario, but you're gonna go get a set of note cards and you're gonna write down four or five or six things that you will do tomorrow, come hell or high water, that include taking care of yourself in some shape, form or fashion. I'll go for a walk. I'll put on my shoes and drive to the gym, walk on a treadmill for three minutes and then come home. I'll do something towards that goal.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

I'll do one thing for seven minutes with one of my kids where we're just being silly, where we're coloring, where we're reading, whether we're doing something, I'll ask my wife, how can I love you today? And I'll do that thing I'll do two things just for her. Not so I can get laid, but two things just for her. Because I'm a man of service. You get what I'm saying? And all we're looking to do here is keep our promise to ourself tomorrow and then you're going to get up the next day and you're going to write down four or five things for the next day.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

No fancy apps, no drama, just a note card and you and your promises to yourself. You have to prove to yourself that you're worth keeping your promises to yourself. And if seeing a counselor, if you need to be on medication for anxiety or depression for a while, great. What an amazing time that we live in this. In this world where that's available, great. Not forever, but great. If you need to go get a blood workup and do all that kind of stuff for your health because your testosterone's falling off a cliff and it all.

[B]

Great.

[C]

Do all of that stuff. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

In fact, I get my. The blood work, I get done. I'm not even sponsored by them. It's by a company called Function. Check them out. It's like 350 bucks they'll run. Everything in their platform is second to none and clarity and what to do. It's awesome. If you don't have access to a doctor.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. I appreciate that.

[C]

Game on.

[A]

Game one.

[C]

Okay, here's the deal. I want to check in with you every month. I want you to write in or call in and I'll have you back on the show because I want to walk with you through this whole thing.

[A]

Okay, cool.

[C]

I'm gonna send you a couple of tools for free also. Okay. I'm gonna send you Building a Non Anxious Life, my book. I want you to read it. I want you to read it with your wife. It's a road map. Second thing I'm gonna send you is this app called EveryDollar, which is gonna help you and your wife get connected with your money. Lots of dudes have existential stress about their money and it's often because they don't have a plan with it. The third thing is I'm going to send you a Year of My Marriage app. It's a microhabits app called Together. I'm gonna send you both of those. Okay.

[A]

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[C]

And it's just one thing you can do for her and that she can do for you every day to slowly bring you all back together. But she, she, she told you the truth. It's been a Super high honor for me to get to talk to you, my brother. Thank you for having the courage to call and just say, I'm at the bottom. I'm sitting here in the bottom with you and I'm going to walk with you out of this basement up into the third or fourth or fifth floor, however high you want to go. Game on. We come back. A woman asks how to desire physical intimacy with her husband without him having to beg her. We'll be right back.

[B]

If you come over to my house sometime, you're going to find a whole bunch of cool stuff and you're going to find one main theme. The theme my family loves.

[C]

Cozy Earth.

[B]

There's sheets, pajamas, blankets, towels. They're all over our house. Why? Because they're incredible. They're comfortable, they last. Listen, when you wash the towels a couple of times, they don't turn into an old rag. They stay an amazing towel. Getting into my bed with Cozy Earth sheets, dude, it just, it just makes me smile. Seeing my wife and my daughter light up as they're wearing their pajama sets. That also makes me smile and listen on all the sheets, all the towels. Cozy Earth offers a hundred night trial and a 10 year warranty. So there's no risk to fill your

[C]

house with Cozy Earth stuff.

[B]

Try it for yourself. Go to cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney and you'll save up to 20 off your entire order. That's cozy. C o z y cozyearth.com DeLoney use code DeLoney Trust me. Bring Cozy Earth into your home.

[C]

You're gonna love it.

[B]

It's February and it's dark and cold outside and I know that you're spending more time in bed.

[C]

It's hard to get out of bed in the morning.

[B]

So if you're gonna be spending more time in bed, do it right and with comfort and get yourself a Helix mattress. I've been sleeping on a Helix mattress for a couple of years now and I track my sleep and I know for certain that my sleep has improved since I started sleeping on a Helix mattress. Helix mattresses are designed for real people with real sleep styles. Whether you run hot, toss and turn or just sleep like a rock on your back, Helix has a mattress for you. Get online and take their sleep quiz and they'll match you with the mattress

[C]

that fits you perfectly.

[B]

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[C]

All right, we're back. Kelly, why are you making fun of me?

[D]

Because you said it was a five and dime store and I don't think anyone has used that term in probably 50 years.

[B]

I love Andy Griffith. Yeah, why you gotta make fun of me?

[E]

Any.

[D]

Any minute now, after, after he goes to the five and dime store, he's gonna go to the. To the soda counter and then he's gonna go a calling or a courting.

[B]

He's gonna ride his moose up to

[C]

the outer field to the green grocers

[E]

and pick up his food.

[B]

Let's go to Dallas.

[C]

Kelly's the worst. Let's go to Dallas and talk to Katie. What's up, Katie?

[E]

Hey, how are you?

[C]

I'm good. How are you?

[E]

I'm good.

[C]

What's up?

[E]

So I kind of wrote down what I wanted to say just so I don't word vomit onto you.

[B]

Bring it.

[A]

But.

[E]

So me and my husband have been together for 15 years. Twelve of those have been married. When we first met, we only dated two months before I became pregnant. During that quick dating stage, before I became pregnant, we were sexually intimate numerous times. And I would initiate on multiple occasions after I became pregnant. It was kind of like the light switch flipped a little bit. Sex no longer interested me and I didn't really care to be touched. This, over the years became the number one issue in our marriage. I would start to feel pressured and would finally work myself up to having sex. During this time, on multiple occasions, I woke up to my husband having intercourse with me while I was asleep. The last instance happening four years ago. And I just want to know how I can work towards rebuilding that intimate relationship with him and also earning, gaining trust back with him and just not feeling like I have to work myself up to be intimate with my husband.

[C]

Well, I guess I'll start with the big rocks here. That's rape hunting.

[E]

Yeah. And that's.

[C]

Hold on, just sit with that for a second. That's a huge, big, big deal.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And you not being interested in sex, you not feeling like being touched, you struggling with your own thoughts and feelings and body. None of that is an excuse for rape. Okay. The way you ask the question to me makes it sound like you think something's wrong with you. And if that's happened on multiple occasions, I Would suggest your body's working perfectly trying to keep you safe, away from a monster. Okay.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

You're not crazy. Have you experienced sexual trauma before this relationship?

[A]

No. Okay.

[C]

Where else are you not safe in this relationship? Think things like money. Think things like your.

[A]

Are you.

[C]

Are you able to say what you think about things? Does your voice count? Where else are you not safe?

[A]

I think

[E]

just from this instance,

[A]

it

[E]

just has made it to where things that I should just be able to talk about, you know, naturally. I have really am careful about what I ask or I'm afraid to ask them. Not. I don't know, it's just. Yeah. I'm afraid to ask very simple things that I feel like shouldn't be that

[A]

big of a deal.

[E]

And it's.

[C]

Yeah, that's. You got to take the shoulds and have to's out of this conversation. Okay. You would like to be able to just talk about normal, regular things, but your body's screaming at you that that guy is a predator. When I'm in my most vulnerable state, when I'm asleep next to somebody who pledged their life to me, he takes advantage of me multiple times, right?

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah. There is no excuse for that. None.

[A]

Right.

[C]

If you were having a. And I'm going to give some context, because we're having this conversation, but people are listening in. Okay. If. If you had crazy bananas, super fantastical sex dreams and you came on to him in the middle of the night and you woke up and this thing's happening, that's one thing, right? That's not what happened here.

[E]

No.

[C]

Okay, So the healing begins here with you putting that on the table. And getting the safety and help that you need first.

[E]

And I do go. And for the past two years, I've seen a counselor, and what the hell is.

[C]

Sorry, I get all frustrated. What's a counselor?

[E]

Told you so I can remember. Because honestly, I'd never. Until that point, I'd never opened up about that with anyone. And so like I said, the last instance was four years, but I mean, even before that. So a lot of years have passed since the very first instance. And so I said it. We kind of talked about it, and then I think I kind of went back into myself because it made me scared that I even said anything about it, even to her. But then just within the past couple of months, I brought it up again. And, I mean, she's told me exactly what you've said, but I think that's just a very. Like you said, it's right. And it's just Hard to hear the words rape and husband.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

In the same sentence.

[A]

It is.

[C]

It is. And it's hard to hear the word rape and. Father of your kids. You have kids? Yeah.

[B]

You do.

[A]

You told me that story.

[C]

Yeah. And the thought of being a statistic is scary. The thought of being a single mom is scary. The thought of how does that guy sit at the table and laugh with our kids, and how does he coach their little league team? And then how when the lights go off and nobody's around, he does that.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

The math doesn't work out. But the math doesn't work. Not because you're not good at math. The math doesn't work because that type of physical assault, that type of abuse is so disturbing, it's so unnatural, it's so wrong that it makes any sort of calculation hard to compute. You're not crazy.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And I can guarantee you, I know the playbook. I've. I've done too many sexual assault investigations in my day. Well, here's what he's going to say. A, she came on to me. B, she's cool with it. C, it happened once and it was like we laughed it off. B, D, it was four years ago. Can we just move on?

[E]

Right.

[C]

None of those things are. Are. Are pretext for just wiping this thing clean. You, as the person who had her autonomy taken away, her physical body used without her consent, you get to decide what happens next. Period.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. And I also know that's an ex. Extraordinary weight.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Because people are going to have opinions on, well, what's good for the kids. And he didn't mean it. It was a long time ago. And if you're in a faith context, there's faith communities that think this is okay. He has a right to you. Wrong. False lie, Nonsense. Insanity. Okay. And so because of the weight of this, I need you to hear me say, you can't walk through this thing by yourself.

[E]

Right.

[C]

You've got to get some women in your life, some people that you trust, and men in your life. I don't care who. Who will walk alongside you as you decide what happens next. But you're a prisoner inside your own body. And I'm sick. Sick. Sorry.

[E]

I think for so long, this is

[A]

just

[E]

kind of how it's operated. And so it becomes so normal.

[C]

Except, like Vander Kolk says, the body's keeping the score in your mind. You have some things you got to do to keep things running in that house. And your body would be failing you if it let you sleep deeply. And go into deep REM sleep and restorative sleep because you're sleeping next to a predator. And because to keep yourself safe, you buried these conversations. And. And your body went, let's pull this down in the vault. Otherwise it blows up everything. It gets infected from the inside out.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Right. And you don't trust what you're buying. Like you don't trust what you're buying at the store. You don't trust the conversations you have. You don't trust your memory on things. You start to lose trust in every bit of you. Right. It's you dissolving.

[E]

Right.

[C]

And healing's about restoration here. And I'm saying this as much for you as the listener. I don't know if this is. If this matters for you, but you. You mentioned something that I've heard in countless of my conversations with men and women who've been assaulted. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Just because you came on to him in the past doesn't give him license in the future.

[E]

Right.

[C]

Just because you were wild and fun and initiated and whatever words you want to say about it at one time, even yesterday, doesn't give him license to take what he wants from you without your consent today.

[E]

Right.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

I want you to hear me say there's not an easy path forward.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Guilt will be a part of this process. Shame is a part of sexual assault. Anger is a part of it. All of it. You're going to feel big stuff, and so you got to get some people that walk with you.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

But before you can get to raising kids, before you can get to being a good partner, before you can get to your own mental health, you can't do anything until your body feels safe.

[E]

Right?

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And you get to decide the roadmap. He gets to decide whether he wants to walk that roadmap, but you get to decide what happens next. Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I don't know if I've been any help to you at all. At all.

[E]

No, you have. That I'm not crazy. Because there have been so many times

[A]

that

[E]

I know that it happened, but then it's just. I will sit there and second guess myself and go, did it really happen? Am I just. Have I made all this up?

[C]

What does he say? What if it. What is his defenses?

[B]

We.

[E]

We have, honestly. And it's not something I should have

[C]

done, but no more saying shirts for a while. No more saying shits. Okay?

[A]

I. I know.

[E]

It was just my body's way of shutting it out. I mean, we. Me and him, have never. Never discussed It. After any of these instances have happened. The last time that it happened,

[A]

I

[E]

can remember getting up, I came back into the bed and he just said. I mean, he was upset with himself and he said, I promise I will never do that to you again. And to my knowledge, it has not happened. But that's as far as we have never spoken about it since then or. Or any of those times in between at all.

[C]

Okay. When you're ready. Okay. And prepare yourself because when you actually crack open the door to the hurt and the scare, I mean the fear, it will feel like you're underwater in the ocean. Okay. That doesn't mean you're crazy. That doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. That means this is part of what happens when somebody takes something so precious from you. And I'll say this. I've had bang my head against the wall conversations with mostly men in the past. I think maybe one or two women, but mostly men in the past who can't understand what they did. That's not the case here. He knows.

[A]

Yeah, he knows. Yeah.

[C]

I hate this for you, sister. And anybody in this process that tells you you need to move on, that you need to get over it, that, that just. That's just how men are. They disqualify themselves from your life. Okay.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

And if you listen to my show ever, you know that I'm really big on. Stop cutting people out of your life. This is one of those moments that they lose their right to vote on anything in your life.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

Seek safety physically, emotionally, psychologically. That's the. That's goal number one. Okay. This might look like. Can I put up several things down on the table for you?

[E]

Sure.

[C]

It might look like him coming with you to this counselor you have a two year relationship with. If she's safe.

[E]

Yes.

[C]

And you write a letter and get. And read it.

[E]

Okay.

[C]

It might look like you calling the police. It might look like you sitting down and having a conversation. If you think he's safe. In terms of violent volatility. Right. And saying, yeah, I haven't been able to sleep for four years. Plus the years before that. And I haven't brought this up. Today's the day I need you to go find another place to stay for a while while I figure out what I'm going to do next. Because I can't be. My body won't let me exhale in my home, rightfully so. It can look like a thousand different things. Okay. I just threw those ones out just off top of my head.

[E]

Yeah. Okay.

[C]

The weight of what to do next will feel so heavy, like sitting under a squat bar that you can't move. Okay? That's normal. Doesn't mean that something's wrong with you or that you're not strong enough or that you should have along. None of that stuff. It just means this is awful. Get some people and you got to walk through it. Walking around it is given, is giving you that chaos inside that you've had for years.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

I'm grateful that you called.

[E]

Thank you.

[C]

Grateful that you had the courage to reach out. And by the way, your bravery is going to help a whole, a countless number of people who have experienced something similar. Marital rape is never okay. Ever, ever, ever, ever okay. And nobody has a right to somebody else's body without their permission, without their consent, without their invitation, period. Ever. I don't care what church you go to. I don't care what gender you are. I don't care. Never. We come back, a man asks how to tell his estranged parents that he's having a baby. We'll be right back.

[B]

I joke all the time that I hate being online, but it's not a joke. I don't like being online all the time. But truth is, I'm everywhere. I'm on podcast, social media, other people's shows, YouTube. And because of that, my personal information, my face even, is all over the Internet. And that's why I joined Delete me. And just because you're not a podcaster doesn't mean your information isn't also all over the Internet. Everyone's information is everywhere these days. Your phone number, your home address, even old email accounts. It's all out there on data broker websites that buy and sell your information to the highest bidder. I don't want to worry about scammers having personal details about me and my family. And I know you don't want to worry about that either. Delete me scans hundreds of these data broker websites find your personal information and

[C]

they remove it for you.

[B]

And they keep checking on you month after month. Clean up the digital clutter in your life and take back parts of your life that you never gave anyone permission

[C]

to take from you.

[B]

Go to joindeleteme.com DeLoney for 20% off an annual plan. That's joinedeleteme.com DeLoney all right, Los Angeles, California. Let's talk to Adam.

[C]

What's up, Adam?

[F]

Hey, Dr. John. How you doing today?

[B]

I'm all right, brother.

[C]

How are you, ma'?

[B]

Am?

[F]

Doing great.

[B]

Yeah, that last call was heavy, huh?

[F]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[F]

But no, no, I'm. Yeah, I'm doing good.

[C]

Good deal. Good deal. Good deal. I'm glad you hung with us, man. What's up?

[F]

Yeah, so super excited because the wife and I are. We're expecting our first baby.

[C]

Yeah, dude.

[A]

So excited.

[F]

We're so happy. Like, it's getting to be a little bit.

[C]

When's the baby due,

[F]

man? We're like six weeks long. Like mid September.

[C]

Oh, so you're. You're. It's new. New.

[F]

We're early. We're early.

[C]

All right.

[F]

We're early.

[C]

Very cool. All right, so you got.

[B]

You have.

[C]

You have a little bit of a Runway here.

[F]

Yeah, we. We got a long. We got a long ways to go. But I mean, yeah, regardless, for me, it didn't get.

[C]

It didn't start getting real until I was, like, driving to the hospital, right. I was like, oh, oh, this is happening. I'm gonna be up. Right? So good for you for having a way more mature approach than I had all.

[B]

What's up?

[F]

Yeah. So with this, it brings up relationships in the family, so I'll get out with it. I haven't spoken to my parents and at least my dad in a number of years. My mom kind of off and on just with big life things happen or holidays or whatnot. So how do I even approach a conversation of bringing up to, like, hey,

[A]

we're having our baby.

[C]

Why haven't you talked to your parents?

[F]

So I would say with my mom, it's more. Unfortunately, it's a little bit more collateral. Most of it is with. With my dad, that's. That's been a big issue over the years. So to take a very long. A very long story and bring it short, I was the youngest of four brothers. My dad was pretty. Pretty abusive in different ways. Emotional, spiritual, and verbal. Verbal abuse growing up. And it just went on for all my life, really. And along about. Actually about three years ago, my brothers and I, each independently, like, we on our own, either sought out biblical counseling or therapy or whatnot. And we came together like, hey, we need to talk about this with him and bring it up to him and say, like, hey, these are things that happened. This is what went on. And bring that to him and just offer a place where we can talk about it, open discussion and try to get through things, even as far as having a mediator to be there, try to, like, set boundaries for our conversation and whatnot. And he had nothing, really no part that he wanted to be part of that at all. He came to the first sort of meeting that we wanted to have and kind of sat back, listened, didn't really offer much. And I understand that it was a lot that we brought to him. And so we wanted to be gracious and give a lot of time. And so we gave him a month, came back a second time around. And it seems like a lot of blame shifting just happened and took place in that. Blaming other people, blaming specifically my oldest brother, unfortunately. And all that just caused a huge rift and divide. And since then, it's not that I've been completely cut off from being able to talk to him. The line's been open for him to reach out, but just in those three years, that hasn't happened.

[C]

Okay, so tell me about your question.

[F]

Yeah, I. It's hard because I feel like family wasn't designed to be split. Family wasn't designed to be, like, kind of operating in this way. And so there's. There's part of me that's like, man, I like, you know, babies come along.

[A]

It's.

[F]

This is great. I want to be able to share in this with my family. I want to be able to share an excitement with them. But because of a lot of the passos from him, I don't. I don't know how to share that.

[C]

I think. You don't.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, if. If you have made the decision that the things that went on in your childhood were so bad that I don't want to be in communication with you as an adult, if those things, if you're confident in that stance, and I'm not saying you shouldn't be, whatever. I'm just. I'm just. I just want to put out there, if you're confident in that stance, then God help you if you let your child around that nonsense. Right. If, as three years have gone by, you've gotten a little bit older, like

[B]

the things I was so mad at

[C]

my dad about when I was younger, now that I'm older, now that I got older kids, it's. I might not like it, I might not appreciate it, I might have. Would snap my fingers and make it different, but I get it. Right. Or it's a context, it's not an excuse for what happened, but I get it. And so that's just where grace comes from. Right. But when you. Your statement is right, families weren't designed to be divided up. Right. It's the original old school. I always have a gang. Right. But you can't do anything about it if somebody else blows up the bridge.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

And what you can do There is just really grieve it, because this, in a weird way, Dr. Henry Cloud writes about this. Nidra Tweb writes about this. I love it. But when you have a boundary, boundaries always, whether in the short term or in the long term, come with consequences. And consequences aren't necessarily bad. They're not necessarily punishments. They just are adverse realities to the wall we put up. And so sometimes when you first put down a boundary, it actually feels like peace. You can't get to me anymore. I don't have to go to your dumb holiday party and listen to your insane lectures or blaming me or whatever feels like peace. But then, yeah, get the big new job and you want to call, and then you get married and you want to call, Then you have the baby and you realize, oh, geez Louise, this kid's not gonna have a granddad.

[F]

Yeah, Right.

[C]

And that becomes something worthy of a, reflection and B, grieving like crazy. Because that shouldn't be that way.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

And, yeah. And I like. I think about that part even specifically of just, like, what I've been trying to grieve. And I guess it. You know, grieving is its own process,

[C]

but it takes a while.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

The part that I feel like continually grieving over is I had an amazing grand granddad. My grandfather had amazing grandparents who. Spiritual leaders of our home. They were just amazing people. And I can't put that on my dad because I want him. I wanted that. You know, I wanted that for them.

[C]

Well, and so here's the catch. Here's the catch. Number one, you have to be open enough and. And wise enough to know that the worst things, like some of the worst things in the world, people are. I'm saying this. Clumsy, very clumsy people are terrible at memory, and they're terrible at feelings embedded in memories. Why is that important for you? The way you experience and remember your granddad, I promise, you had another side to it. Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The home that your dad grew up in. And I tell you that not to diminish it, but I. I know you want your kid to have those kind

[B]

of feelings, and that's amazing and awesome,

[C]

and I love that. I. I just want to challenge you against him versus him. The second thing is that means you have a new responsibility, which is your son. Your daughter is going to need that type of paternal figure. You're going to need that. And so your job becomes not just to do the cutting off, but the. All right, who's going to fill that role? Who are a couple of men in my world right now. And if I don't have them, then I've got a Runway to start cultivating that. Who will show up at the hospital? Who will come sit with me on the front porch six weeks after the birth? And you're like, I don't know what I'm doing. Right. And. And that's not the way it should be, but, man, you can get some amazing relationships there. And. And I moved across the country. Right. My dad and I still talk.

[B]

I.

[C]

But I packed up and moved. It was my job to make sure my son had men in his life. And every once in a while, I catch myself asking inside my own. My own head, why'd you call him? Why didn't you ask me? And then I exhale and I say, I'm glad he's got somebody that I trust, because it's not about me, it's about him. Right?

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[C]

But be sad about.

[F]

Hard to digest.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[F]

I mean, like. And, like, of course, like, I know, like. I mean, I know that, like, this has been a difficult relationship, and, you know, it's been hard.

[A]

And,

[F]

I mean, I'm the youngest of four brothers, so all three of my older brothers already, like, yeah, they're. They're well. Well beyond as far as, like, you know, family development and whatnot. And so they've. They've had to go their own way and their own path with it. So, you know, this is all just. So this, for me, is still brand new.

[C]

Here's a couple of things I want to, like, big philosophical approaches. Okay. Number one, don't let anybody else have your character and your integrity. So if you're a guy who would send out a note to people in your life that you're having a baby, send one. That doesn't mean you have to take the phone call.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[C]

I think it. This is me. And, like, outside of. Well, you know what? I. I don't want to put anything on you. If you think it's right to send a. Send a note, send an announcement, send a. Whatever, great. Do it. Second, have a plan for if that phone call comes. And here's what that plan is. Is there any sort of path back to a relationship rebuild with your dad? And if so, what must be true, because what a lot of people do is they go into these, like, big conversations, and what they're hoping for at the end of the day is to feel a certain way. I want to feel better that I said all these things I want. I'll feel better when my dad or my mom has their head on their table and sobbing. And they're saying, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You won't feel better, I promise you. You might feel relieved, but you won't feel good because the hurt that happened is still there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And so if he calls back and says, I want to meet this kid, I want to talk, can we go out a. Your older brothers don't get a vote. You're not. You don't have to do this. All in solidarity. If one of you, then all of us. You don't have to do that. Okay. And what would a path back look like? Dad, I need you to say you're sorry. And I need a commitment from you that X, Y or Z,

[F]

I don't.

[C]

I can't. I don't even know what happened, so I can't speak to it. But I want you to have a road map in your head of what it would look like. Because if you use your. If you're. If you're leaning on how it's going to feel, there's no path back.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's in that finish line. Just keeps moving and moving and moving and moving. And maybe. You know what? I take that back. There's one feeling.

[B]

It's the feeling of he's on my team.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

A feeling of safety,

[A]

man.

[C]

But that comes not from a big grandiose statement. That comes from a thousand tiny actions.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And then.

[F]

Oh, man. And. And it's. It is also, I mean, hard because even in, in the, the la, communication between the two of us, there has been a laid out path to come,

[C]

to come back and be prepared with, with your wife.

[B]

Be prepared.

[C]

When they show up at the hospital, both of them, you're going to tell

[A]

them to leave, right?

[C]

You can tell them to get out. Like have that plan already.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

And if you are gonna. If he shows up to the hospital or to your home with a casserole and you are going to stand at your front door and say, get out, you're not welcome here. Then they. I think they have a right to know that ahead of time. Like the baby's going to be born on this date. We're going to ask that you don't visit, please. Right. Clear as kindness, clarity is integrity. Because not being super, super clear about this and then getting mad and indignant that he showed up and tried to reconnect over. Like what? Like, that's not fair. Right, let's. We're going to be fair. We're going to be honest. We're not going to give anyone our Integrity.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[C]

I would recommend in the next few days, I want you to write your dad a letter that you will never, ever send. And there's three parts to it. One is, and you may have written this letter a thousand times, what happened? I want you to write in that letter like, hey, dad, this stuff happened. And also, this is a weird thing. I want you to blame fairly. I want you to also write the good stuff that you've got from him, even if it means you've learned ways to not do stuff. Okay? I got your strength. I got your resilience. I got your bullheadedness. I saw how you treated mom. And I have created the greatest relationship with my wife ever doing exactly the opposite. So thank you for giving me a picture of what not to do. Right. I want you to blame. 360 degrees, the good and the bad. And here's the last part of that letter. Here's who I'm going to be as a dad. Make a declaration. Okay? And it begins to orient your body future tense. And not back, back, back, back, back. And your baby's born in September. So you have a road map now. I mean, you've got a. You've got a. This plane lands and this many months. And so you get to ask yourself, who am I going to be? What kind of dad am I going to be? What kind of husband am I going to be? And you get to start practicing that in a thousand tiny little ways now. Thousand tiny little ways.

[A]

Now.

[C]

Hang on the line. I'm going to send you my together app. It's micro habits for a marriage. You and your wife are going to need these more than ever now because your whole marriage is about to be brand new. About to get a whole new marriage, dude. So hang in here. I want to anchor you guys in together at home. I'll send this to you for free. Just as a, as a, as a parent, as a new kid gift. And sounds like you're in for a season of grief. And that's right. That's good. It's not fun, but it's right. But don't give anybody your character. We'll be right back.

[B]

You all know that I use the app Hallow, and right now you can try it for free for three months. That's 90 days of the number one Christian prayer and meditation app in the world at no cost. And this is only for my audience. Just go to hallow.com deloney and listen.

[C]

Here's why I use Hallow.

[B]

My life is busy. Family and work and everything else life throws at me is all over the place. And if I'm not spiritually anchored, I'm untethered everywhere else. Hallow helps me start my day grounded before the chaos comes. And this year, Lent starts early. Lent is a season of reflection and fasting for Christians, but honestly, anyone can benefit from hitting pause, reflecting on their lives, and resetting with purpose. Hallow walks with you through that process with daily reflections and guided prayers that bring clarity and peace. When everything feels loud and chaotic, Hallow helps you breathe again. It creates space to be present. So if you're ready to quiet the noise and reconnect with what matters, check out Hallow. And when you sign [e-mail] DeLoney remember, you get three months for free. Again, that's hallow.com DeLoney for three months for free. All right, Kelly, something awesome happened.

[C]

What is it? We need it on this show.

[D]

Yeah, I feel like we need some uplifting news on this one. So this is from Sarah in Brooklyn, New York and she writes, I am a first year social work student. I'm not doing clinical work yet, but I'm in a weekly group supervision with other interns at the clinic where I work. I've listened to every single one of your episodes. A lot of the time when it fits a case we're discussing, I end up sharing things that I've learned from you with our group. Your ideas are getting passed around to people who've never even heard of you.

[C]

Well, way to go. What's her name?

[D]

Sarah.

[C]

Way to go, Sarah. Love you guys. Bye.