← The Dr. John Delony Show
The Dr. John Delony Show
Off the Record with Dusty Slay: Comedy, Marriage and Breaking Addiction
01:05:41
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- [00:06]
Dusty Slay
But when I quit drinking, I was like, I kind of struggled with it a little bit where I was like, oh, I'm not, not really fun now.
- [00:11]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [00:12]
Dusty Slay
But I'm like, oh, why do I have to be fun?
- [00:15]
Dr. John DeLoney
I gotta go be this other thing so that I can get your approval. Stranger. That's tougher than just not drinking. Hey, what's going on? It's for a special episode of the Dr. John DeLoney Show. I am your brother John, and I'm glad that you are joining us on a Saturday morning special episode. All right, so over the last few years, I've gotten more and more people reaching out, asking for more interviews, more conversations with people I find inspiring, who I learn from, who challenge me or quite honestly, this is me being selfish. People I just love. And I want to introduce to you all. And I also get folks who get frustrated when we take calls off the show and insert conversations. And so what we're trying is once a month, a few times a month, maybe every week, we're going to drop conversations with Deloney. These are interviews, these are conversations I'm having with my friends, with people I look up to, people who inspire me. And I want you to get to know them too. This week on the inaugural drop is a world renowned comedian. He's got two Netflix specials, a class act. His name is the great Dusty Slay. He's hilarious, super, super insightful. And this episode is just, it's one I've reflected on over and over and over again since we sat down and talked. So I'm going to leave all of his contact information in the show notes. You can follow him on social media, you can go check out his latest Netflix special, Wet Heat, or you can get his tour schedule. So buckle up, do what you got to do this Saturday morning and beyond, and listen to a conversation with my new friend and all around philosopher and incredible comedian, the great Dusty Slay. So going back a about a year ago, my buddy George Camel, it just always like, dude, I want us to stand up. How do you stand up? I don't stand up. And finally out of a like active protest, I call over and say, hey, me and George want to book a night at the lab and the deeper thing. And this is kind of dramatic, but it's true. My dad and I have always struggled to connect, but growing up he was an old, like, he still is. He's an old Texas cop. And so we didn't have a lot of connecting points, but he always talked with reverence about Prior and Steve Martin and Robin Williams and Cosby before. Right. And it was. It was like a. These are the. Like, this is what art is, right? To a guy that had no. Like, didn't have an artist. Static. And so I've always had this connection, like, I wonder if he would like me then. Right. My dad. Right.
- [03:12]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [03:13]
Dr. John DeLoney
And so anyway, we booked a night, and then we added a second one, and it. It wasn't great. It was fine. It was fine. But then I got obsessed. And so then I start going down. It's right by my house. And so I start going every week as much as I possibly can. And my day job is traveling the country and doing these big corporate events, like, for mental health and relationship stuff. But I got obsessed with going in these rooms. And two things I've figured out. One is I did not understand the level of craftsmanship that goes on backstage when you ask somebody, hey, can you help make this thing better? Or when you have somebody that's, like, you would get offset. And, like, dude, you had a space. If you'd held that space. And you're like, okay. But I've started to look at you professional comics as, like, craftsmen, like, as cabinet makers who are, like, trying to make something amazing. And the second thing is, and this is just a compliment to you, there is an ethos that I'm now finding the more I'm around touring comics, that it only exists in a few places, which is the established comics like you and who come in and say, this is how we treat people in these green rooms, and this is how we take care of new people, and this is how we're kind. This is how we hold people accountable. Man, that's. There's. You're, like, one of the. The godfathers that hover around this. This place. And I'm not finding out now that I just happen to be down the street from one of the best places in the country for that. But I just want to say thank you for creating a world where a guy like me can walk in and there's a room of what I feel when I go there, of total support and total. Like, that wasn't great. But it's not said, like, to make me feel better. It's to say, like, hey, you can do better than this, or, here's a thing you like. Does that make sense? And so, on behalf of all people who get the courage to stand up in front of people and say, who are going like this? And they're like, make me laugh. Like, thank you for being a leader in that world because it's, it's, it's, it's very impactful for me.
- [05:10]
Dusty Slay
Well, I appreciate that. Yeah. I mean, comedy is so great, right? I've always said this, like, if you live in a town and you just go to an open mic, like, you're like, I want to do comedy. You go to an open mic, even if you're not good at comedy, if you just keep showing up and sitting there and watching the other comics, you're eventually going to make friends and you become part of this community. And it's like, the open mic community is really great. I don't want to do open mics anymore. I've done plenty of them. But it's like you, you come up in this community and then you all become friends because you're like, you're suffering together, you're bombing together, and, and then you, you know, as long as you like, you know, get somewhat good, you'll get booked on other shows and. And I love the comedy community.
- [05:54]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's, it's. But you've created, you've helped create a pretty special one here in Nashville, which is awesome.
- [05:59]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I mean, I love that too. I mean, I still got other ideas that I. Where I was just meeting with, you know, one of the owners of Zany's last night about a new idea that I have to kind of help make the scene better.
- [06:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's so cool.
- [06:11]
Dusty Slay
And I love it. I love to see, like, it's like when you're part of these showcases and then it's like, everybody's good, it makes everybody better.
- [06:19]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's it. That's it.
- [06:20]
Dusty Slay
Because if the person that goes before you really crushes and then you're next, you're like, well, I wanna, you know, I don't wanna bomb.
- [06:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's right. That's right. I wanna do good. And you think about it all day. I had this moment. You just said something powerful and this is what it's given to me. I would say equal to any good counseling I've been to, which is having shared experiences with people who are quasi on your team. Now there is competition. You wanted like, like you did the best tonight. Like, that feels good, right? Yeah. But there's something powerful about trying something and it not working with people who are pretty much on your team. I had this experience. I did an event in Denver. It was a big corporate event and it wasn't. I wasn't new comedy at all. It was all mental health stuff. But on that bill was like, me and John Maxwell. Nate showed up to do a Set. Dave ran, like, these big icons. And then there's. It's one of those. You walk in the green room. You're like, what am I doing here? Right. I did. Did my hour, and it. It wasn't up to what I wanted. I came home, and I was already texting when I got off the plane. Like, I gotta go up at. Do 10 minutes and get back on the horse, Right?
- [07:28]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [07:29]
Dr. John DeLoney
At Zany's to say, I bomb, dude. It was a. It was disastrous.
- [07:36]
Dusty Slay
Ten minutes when you got back.
- [07:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, gosh. It was catastrophic.
- [07:40]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [07:40]
Dr. John DeLoney
And these are things that I know work. So I knew it was me, right. I walk off in this comic named Tina Frommel from New York. She was backstage, and she put her hands on my shoulders, and she said, now you're one of us. And the whole room started laughing. Not at me, but with me.
- [07:56]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [07:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
And it was like, oh. And I drove home with a huge smile on my face because it. I don't know how to describe this other than I failed in front of people and in front of people who were kind of on my team. And it was freeing. It wasn't the opposite. Does that make sense?
- [08:08]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Yeah.
- [08:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
I drove home, a smile like, my wife's still gonna like me. I still got a warm bed to sleep in. My kids like me. Like, I'm. I'm free now.
- [08:16]
Dusty Slay
And bombing. Watching my friends, Bo That I know can do, like, are good at comedy is one of my favorite things in the world because it's so funny to see your friend. That's really good. Go up and bomb. You're like, this is hilarious to me. I don't know why it's happening, but it's funny.
- [08:34]
Dr. John DeLoney
We have a mutual friend. The other night was just like, okay, how about this for this next joke? Don't laugh. Just clap if you think it's funny. It was just not going well. That was the funniest anyway. There's something about trying something terrifying and scary in front of people that, you know, again, are kind of on your team and having a. Not go well and how freeing that is.
- [08:55]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [08:55]
Dr. John DeLoney
All of our life is built to not have. Ever let anybody see any scars? And it's like, nah, you got them. It's just. It's. It's. It's. Yeah, it's purifying.
- [09:03]
Dusty Slay
And you bomb together. You. You know, it's like. And that's what I was saying, like, someone crushes before you. Because it's like, if you're all bombing on a show, then you're all just Sharing in it. It's easy to go, well, it's the audience, of course, dude.
- [09:16]
Dr. John DeLoney
Ye.
- [09:17]
Dusty Slay
But if someone before you crushes, you go, all right, well, they will laugh.
- [09:22]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [09:22]
Dusty Slay
You know, and it's like on my show the other night, what I was saying, it's like the audience was great, but they were one of those that they really laughed if the joke was funny, and if it wasn't, they didn't laugh.
- [09:34]
Dr. John DeLoney
And you came off and you said, this audience is fair.
- [09:36]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [09:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
And that's like, that's cool. That's awesome.
- [09:39]
Dusty Slay
I do. I did some shows. You know, sometimes m show's like this, but Denver comedy works. The downtown club is like this, where you go, and they're almost laughing at every movement that you make on stage.
- [09:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yes.
- [09:51]
Dusty Slay
Like I did.
- [09:51]
Dr. John DeLoney
Which is intoxicating.
- [09:52]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [09:53]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [09:53]
Dusty Slay
I did five shows in Denver, maybe six. And it was my last show of the weekend where they were just, like. They were just laughing at my jokes. Right. Which is all you're really asking for. But because they had been giving it up all weekend over any little thing, now that they're just laughing at the punchlines again, I'm like, what's happened?
- [10:14]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, I'm no good at this.
- [10:15]
Dusty Slay
What, you don't like me now? What is it? You like the jokes, but not me.
- [10:19]
Dr. John DeLoney
So how important is it to be anchored into something? And we'll get into some of the. The deeper parts of your life. How important is it to be anchored? Not in that end result, because I look across this like I did. I get the bonus this year. Is my marriage top notch? Did my kid win the little league thing? This feels like the same thing. If I'm anchored to that outcome, man, this can be a gnarly business that you're a part of.
- [10:44]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. I think you just got to have some balance with shows.
- [10:46]
Dr. John DeLoney
Right.
- [10:47]
Dusty Slay
It's like, I like to do corporate gigs. I like, you know, because corporate gigs pay well. I like that sort of thing. But they're not always the best shows for your ego.
- [10:55]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [10:56]
Dusty Slay
So I like, you know, I feel like as long as I have enough good shows, I can handle doing those shows.
- [11:04]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [11:04]
Dusty Slay
Right. But if I did corporates every night and they were, like, pretty mediocre, I think it would. It could get to you because I have some great corporates. They're not all like that, but I have some. I walk into and I go, all right, I'm about to crush this. And then you get up there and you're like, oh, you tell your. Your new jokes and you Go, well, maybe the new jokes are just not as good. And then I start going back to some classics that always work, and then they're not getting laughs. And you're like, all right. But as long as you have that balance where you're. Where you're doing enough good shows, you can say to yourself, in those moments, you can go, all right. They're not just.
- [11:38]
Dr. John DeLoney
They're just y'. All.
- [11:39]
Dusty Slay
They're just not going to be into any thing I do. So you can relax in that. Where you go, all right, it doesn't matter. We're just. I'm just making money. I'm going to do my best, but I am just making money here.
- [11:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. And maybe they're not laughing because they're sitting by their boss and they don't. Like, they're. Who knows what the dynamics are? Yeah.
- [11:55]
Dusty Slay
But it's like, I had a show. I did a show in California at a theater, and it was, like, one of my lowest turnouts at a theater that I had had, but the. The people that were there were really into it. So I was like, this is a blast. And then I was making jokes about people not being there. I go, oh, every time you do a show, people always go, oh, well, you know, it's. You know, you're in the south, and it's college football. And I'm like, yeah, but it's a Friday. And they go, well, high school football. You know, I was like, there's always something. And then they go, somebody yelled out, high school graduation. I go, yeah, anything. Anything you want to pick. But turns out in that town, they said that actually was the city's high school graduation. So people, you know, and I don't know, if you're a superstar, people skip the graduation.
- [12:43]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's right.
- [12:44]
Dusty Slay
That's right. But, you know, but there are. It's just as long as there's a balance, right. To where you're like. Because to me, as long as the shows are going well and I'm, like, paying my bills, I'm happy.
- [12:55]
Dr. John DeLoney
You have a good life. Yeah.
- [12:56]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [12:57]
Dr. John DeLoney
So tell me about how old when you got married?
- [13:02]
Dusty Slay
35.
- [13:02]
Dr. John DeLoney
35. I'm fascinated by this question. 35. You're making your way. I'll call you, successful in this business. Why would you choose to go get married?
- [13:14]
Dusty Slay
Well, it's interesting for me because there's a. There was a. I. I believe I always quote this, and I don't even know if I've ever heard him say it, but someone told me that Doug Stanhope said, you Know the thing about marriage, he's like, oh, this is going pretty well. Why don't we get the government involved?
- [13:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
Right.
- [13:29]
Dusty Slay
So I kind of felt like you could be biblically married without government. Married, right.
- [13:36]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [13:37]
Dusty Slay
And I always feel like, is there really a need for me to get married? You know, but my wife is Canadian.
- [13:43]
Dr. John DeLoney
Right.
- [13:43]
Dusty Slay
And so we started dating, and she moved here on a work visa for entertainment. She was, you know, doing comedy with me.
- [13:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
Okay.
- [13:50]
Dusty Slay
So we were traveling around doing comedy, and then we got to a place where we were pretty close to her visa expiring. So I always think this is, like, one of the most unromantic, but also one of the most romantic things. Whereas, like, I had to ask myself, you know, either I can get married or I can let my girlfriend have to go back. And it's not like she's going back to a third world country. She's going back to Canada. So I'm like, do, you know, do I love her enough to get married? And I'm like, well, yeah, of course I do.
- [14:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
Huh.
- [14:27]
Dusty Slay
So.
- [14:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
So what was your picture of marriage growing up?
- [14:30]
Dusty Slay
Well, my. My dad has been married four times.
- [14:35]
Dr. John DeLoney
Okay.
- [14:35]
Dusty Slay
My. And he's, you know, it's. His latest marriage is, you know, 20 years.
- [14:39]
Dr. John DeLoney
Okay. Yeah.
- [14:41]
Dusty Slay
And I think, you know, his wife is great.
- [14:43]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [14:44]
Dusty Slay
But now my dad's great.
- [14:46]
Dr. John DeLoney
Of course. Of course.
- [14:47]
Dusty Slay
But. And. And then my mom was married twice, and. And then divorced. So, you know, both of my sister. My older sisters, you know, my. I think my, you know, she's one of my sisters, has been married pretty close to 40 years at this point. But they're, you know, but as far as my parents go, I just did not see successful marriages growing up.
- [15:08]
Dr. John DeLoney
And you've talked a lot about. We don't have to go down the road, but about growing up in a trailer park.
- [15:12]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [15:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
And all the shenanigans that went along there.
- [15:15]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. I mean, you just don't see, you know, I don't know. I just didn't see this whole idea of marriage. And, you know, I don't know. I think about, like, I never thought of my childhood as bad or unhappy, but, you know, I would have to, you know, go, you know, summers I would spend a week with my mom, then a week with my dad, then a week with my mom. So I missed out on a lot of, like, summer hangs because they. My dad lived in a different town, not far away, but far enough away to where kids I went to school with would be like, why don't you come over to My house this weekend. And I'm like, no, I can't. I'm at my dad's.
- [15:47]
Dr. John DeLoney
At my dad's. Yeah.
- [15:48]
Dusty Slay
And then even, you know, in the school year, be one weekend with my mom, one weekend with my dad. So. And then like just these whole idea that you would choose between your mom and dad. So I'm like, when I decided to have kids, I'm like, I never want my kids to have to go through that. Like, they should never have to choose who they're going to hang out with. You know, Christmas, do I do Christmas? Like, even to this day as an adult, it still affects my life, of course, where when I go holidays, I go, am I going to spend it with my mom or with my dad? And I've tried to bring them together. They can get along just fine. But it's weird for me.
- [16:24]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, I'm fascinated by that because I can look at all of like the nerd stuff about marriage that it, if you do marriage well or great, everything in your life improves. And if you do it not well or bad, every, it's like reverse roi. Like everything in your life gets worse. Right. And so I'm in this weird dilemma where I want to encourage. I got a 15 year old and one of my wife and I's goals is, let's make being married a thing that it wouldn't occur to him not to do. Like, I want to be a part of this thing that looks so fun and bad and whatever. Why would I do that thing? Right. And so that's, that's well and good. But I'm looking at a whole generation of people like, what is it, 60? The numbers are wild, right? What was it in your head that switched that said, I'm going to do this thing and I want this. I don't have a good picture of what this looked like. I don't have a good lived experience. I'm going to, I want this to look different. And again, there's no throwing shade at parents. Every, every parent has a thing. But, but there's some point when you have to say, okay, you and your wife have to be intentional about this thing has to look different. And how do you go about doing that?
- [17:33]
Dusty Slay
Well, you know, you know, we didn't, we had taught when me and my wife first started dating, I was like, not for having kids.
- [17:43]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yes.
- [17:43]
Dusty Slay
And I even like kind of like talked to her about it early on. Like, I don't want to have kids. So if you're going into this with me, you have to be on Board with that. But then we kind of like, together decided that we did want to have kids and. Yeah. So it's like. I don't know. I think it's that. I think it's having kids. Like, when my daughter was born, it was just like a real life changing thing. Like, you know, I was with my wife the whole time she was pregnant, obviously, and I knew it was real, but it wasn't really real until. Until the baby actually comes out and go, whoa, there's a human being in there.
- [18:21]
Dr. John DeLoney
And it's on me. Yeah. Yeah.
- [18:23]
Dusty Slay
That I'm like, I don't want to mess up my, my kid's life. I don't want my kid to have a hard life. Not that I don't want them to have to deal with things, but, you know, I don't want them to have the hard thing. I don't want them to be that, you know, their parents are bad or.
- [18:39]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [18:40]
Dusty Slay
Their parents have made their life harder.
- [18:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
How is that real? But there is still real stuff that happens. Like, like there's dishes that got to be done and there's people who are tired and there's the flight miss. Like, there's life that happens to all of us. How do you and your wife navigate that without a model, without a picture? Because that's. That. That is the. That to me is the secret sauce. Right. It's like if, if we can communicate that. That you don't have a good picture of this thing and it's still worth it. And here's how to do that. And I can get real nerdy and academic about it, but I'm fascinated by people who are like, no, we're going to do this thing, we're doing it right. But then there's like the brass tacks, like, somebody's got to do the laundry.
- [19:20]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Well, I think that you can, you can look at things and say, well, I know what I don't want it to be. Right. Rather than having a model of what. What it should be, you can go, well, this is what I don't want it to be, you know?
- [19:35]
Dr. John DeLoney
And that informs your next move, Right?
- [19:37]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [19:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
Okay.
- [19:37]
Dusty Slay
And so you're like, you know, I. I don't know. I went to a public school and I feel like my education was good. I had a good time, but I feel like things are different now. And if it's in my control, I don't want my daughter to have to, you know, my kids to have to go to the same kind of school I went to.
- [19:54]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yes.
- [19:55]
Dusty Slay
Even though, again, My school was great.
- [19:57]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [19:58]
Dusty Slay
But it is a different. Things are different, of course.
- [20:00]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [20:00]
Dusty Slay
You know, so I just want to try to get them, you know, like, the kind of education that they enjoy, that. That, that makes them feel good. Like, my dad always was, like, big on me getting good grades. But my dad would also kind of like, make fun of me about reading and stuff. Like, like, you know, my dad would talk about, you know, stories about him being cool and not ever doing his homework and stuff, but wanted me to do my homework, but also didn't want me to be a nerd or, you know, so I'm like, you're not really encouraging me the way that you think you are, you know?
- [20:38]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [20:38]
Dusty Slay
And. And it's like. And then like, even, like, you know, playing guitar. I remember I wanted to take guitar lessons in, in school. It was a class for guitar, and my dad was like. I remember my dad saying this to me, and I. And I think he's right on. On a certain level, but. But way off on another, he goes, you know, he said, you don't have the ear for guitar. You know, it's like these people that play guitar, they pick up the guitar and they can just play. And I go. And now looking back, I'm like, well, of course there are people. Dwayne Allman, Jimi Hendrix probably picked it up and knew how to play right away. But there are other people who just learn to play guitar. But I feel like my dad saying that to me, implanted it in my head that I can't play guitar. Therefore, it discouraged me in a way that I never took the time to learn. Now I can't blame my dad my whole life that I never played guitar. But I think at that young age, just so I'm like, well, I don't want to do that to my kids, okay. If I, you know, if they want to do something, I want to encourage them to do it. Now, I don't. Anytime my daughter says I want to do this, I don't want to run right out and buy everything, you know, but it's.
- [21:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's like, have that temptation, though. Yeah, I do.
- [21:52]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [21:52]
Dr. John DeLoney
I want to be like, okay, cool. What? Like, we the nicest of my wife's like, no, no.
- [21:57]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [21:57]
Dr. John DeLoney
A $30 target guitar is fine. She doesn't need a thousand dollar tailor. Like, right?
- [22:01]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If.
- [22:02]
Dr. John DeLoney
If that's my impulse.
- [22:03]
Dusty Slay
If she learns to play. Yeah, yeah. But that's. That's my thing. Like, you know, I was looking at a $120 guitar. I think Something like that.
- [22:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
Well, and. And I think that is things that I found myself saying that my wife will cut her eyes. Like, yeah, we're not a math family. And. Or we're not good at. Or I'm not good at, which is me telling my son, you're probably not good at this either. Instead of saying, I struggle with this and I didn't put the work in on this. Right. This wasn't a priority for me. It can't be for you. Even that little sentence is a difference of, okay, I guess I won't touch this thing.
- [22:39]
Dusty Slay
Right.
- [22:40]
Dr. John DeLoney
And going back to, like, there's something about just showing up over time. You'll get better at a thing. Right?
- [22:46]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [22:47]
Dr. John DeLoney
Or even. Even the ROI of, like, if you want to play guitar well, you're never going to make it as a musician. There's a big gap between, like, I'm never gonna have a Netflix special for comedy, but showing up every night makes me have new friends. It lets me have new friends, lets me succeed and fail together. And it makes me better at my day job, which is just articulating things better than a meeting. Right. I mean, there's.
- [23:11]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [23:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
You can play guitar and woo a girl at a campfire, and that doesn't mean you have to go be John Mayer. Right. There's a gap between that.
- [23:18]
Dusty Slay
Right.
- [23:18]
Dr. John DeLoney
And.
- [23:19]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And even just challenging your mind to learn a thing, learn a new thing helps you in some other level.
- [23:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [23:26]
Dusty Slay
And that's what. That's what I'm all about. Like, I want. I'd like to homeschool now. I know a lot of that's going to fall on my wife, so I think that's why she's kind of against it, you know?
- [23:36]
Dr. John DeLoney
Spoken like a great husband.
- [23:37]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [23:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
What I would like to do. Yeah.
- [23:39]
Dusty Slay
But I want. I just feel like that a lot could be. You could learn all the academic things in a shorter amount of time than school and. But, you know, I'm not saying better or worse, but you could learn it all in a shorter amount of time than school. But then you could also spend other time learning other things.
- [23:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's. Yeah. You know, that you were really lit up by. Right? Yeah, dude.
- [24:00]
Dusty Slay
You know, and I think you could, you know, if you don't, you know, if you have the finances, if your kid's struggling in this, you could hire a tutor to. To teach them that.
- [24:09]
Dr. John DeLoney
Sure.
- [24:10]
Dusty Slay
You know, and I think there are people out there trying to do all that, and it's just like, that's what I want. I just want my Kids to, like, feel like they can do whatever they want to do and really explore things and learn things about themselves.
- [24:22]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [24:23]
Dusty Slay
And not be discouraged because their dad is like. Well, yeah. I mean, what. When you said that, that really hit me when you said, we're not of this family. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like, maybe I wasn't.
- [24:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. But they can be one step removed. So my dad's a policeman. We, We. We didn't have any money growing up. None. And there's been some tension in my family now that my life looks different financially. We live in a different neighborhood than I did growing up. And they, My parents have never said this. I know they're proud of me and all that, but there is. I feel the tension of, have I forgotten my raisin? Like, oh, why don't you just. Or when the chat comes, I guess I'll, you know. I mean, it's like there's this kind of automatic default. How have you handled the balance of growing up where you grew up and it. In the way you grew up? Again, not bad. It just was a certain, Certain, certain culture and community to the life you have now where you're on tv, like, you're selling out theaters across the country.
- [25:28]
Dusty Slay
Well, I think that it's.
- [25:30]
Dr. John DeLoney
You're driving a car that starts every time you turn it. Right.
- [25:32]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that it's. It's been slow, so you kind of adjust to each level. Right. But I, I, I also think it's just important to do. Still do normal things, like, because, you know, there's a tendency, like, we moved houses, and then I, I have a bigger yard. And then I didn't have. I only had a push more. And I was like, we were getting. And then the people that we bought the house from go, hey, this was our lawn care guy. So I call the guy and he's like, yeah, we can do it. And then. And I go, I just want to do it for a little while. And then. And then I'm gonna start doing it. And then, you know, this guy comes every two weeks and cuts the grass. And you go, that's pretty nice that I don't have to cut the grass.
- [26:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
He's like, he's like a weed dealer. He's like, I just seen it this one time. He's like, yeah, all right, cool. I'll see you next week.
- [26:17]
Dusty Slay
And I'm like, well, I like cutting grass, but he keeps coming cutting the grass. And I go, I don't have to cut the grass. And I think that if you allow enough of those things, you become completely out of touch to. And then you don't do anything where I'm like, I want to keep doing things.
- [26:32]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yes.
- [26:32]
Dusty Slay
I don't want to hire people to do everything. Now, I know there is that thing of when you're hiring people to do things, you're helping them have jobs, and everybody has jobs, and that's great. But I want to do regular things.
- [26:44]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. You know, I've got a small. I call it a farm, but a small little. And it's. It's a thing that I will go mow that place. And I'm finding that those four hours of driving that zero turn mower and the three hours of weeding, like, that's actually almost therapeutic for me. But it re. Because there's a part of this that's not real. Right. And there's something real about that. Grass grows and the seasons change, and there's something. Something important about that. Or doing my own laundry.
- [27:12]
Dusty Slay
What I like. Because I have some land in McMinnville, and I got a zero turn there, and I go cut that. And it's nine acres, but a lot of it's w. So I'm not cutting nine acres. But, you know, you're riding. I like to do no headphones, just me listening to the lawnmower, driving along for hours.
- [27:29]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's meditative.
- [27:30]
Dusty Slay
It is so good.
- [27:31]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [27:32]
Dusty Slay
I love it. You think of things or. Or you think of nothing.
- [27:35]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [27:36]
Dusty Slay
You just watch what you're doing.
- [27:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [27:38]
Dusty Slay
And it's so great.
- [27:39]
Dr. John DeLoney
You let your brain off the hook a little bit, huh? Is there. Is there? And you don't have to get into this if you don't want to. We can cut this out. Is there tension with family and your success?
- [27:50]
Dusty Slay
Actually, my family has been so great.
- [27:53]
Dr. John DeLoney
Really? That's awesome.
- [27:54]
Dusty Slay
My. We went to. Some family members came to visit me the other day, and we went out to eat, and they were talking about going to see Brian Bates show. And they said, we tried to buy shirts from Brian and he wouldn't let us pay for anything. And they've been to my shows, and I charge them for. And. And. And I go, well, Brian's a nice guy, and I know that's why he's not a good business. He's a really. I said, he's not a good businessman. And I kind of made that joke, and it was funny. But, you know, now I do give them free tickets when they come to shows, you know, but when it was shirts, I mean, I was like, I always Felt weird about charging them for shirts, but I had my bag that was there, and there was a good probability I was going to sell out the bag.
- [28:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [28:42]
Dusty Slay
And I'm like, it just feels like it's messing up my thing if I give the. Because in my mind, it's like, you don't have to have this shirt.
- [28:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
There you go.
- [28:51]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, this shirt's not food.
- [28:53]
Dr. John DeLoney
Right.
- [28:53]
Dusty Slay
You don't have to have this. And if you want it, well, you know, let's. Let's buy it.
- [28:59]
Dr. John DeLoney
And I had a guy recently, I found out he had bought. He's a buddy of mine. He bought my book. I went to Amazon and bought it, and I was like, why'd you do that? And he's like, this is how, you know, is. Are you the friend that will support your friend, or are you the friend that when your buddy gets it, then you try to milk it? Right?
- [29:20]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [29:20]
Dr. John DeLoney
And tickets is. That's easy. That's all. That kind of stuff's easy. But there's something about those, that hard asset that's like, oh, you're really in my corner. Because it meant. It meant you got to participate in your body's success by putting 20 bucks down and having somebody mail you that book. Like, that was. You get to participate in this instead of, hey, man. Hey, man. Hey, man. Yeah, I get that.
- [29:39]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And it's like, my. My family's great. I mean, they've never. You know, I've had plenty of tensions with my family, but it's never over anything like that. I used to drink a lot, and I think a lot of my family and, well, friends, too, thought I was much more fun when I used to drink. And it is true. I was a more fun person, but I don't.
- [30:03]
Dr. John DeLoney
It.
- [30:04]
Dusty Slay
I don't know. I just feel like I'm like, I don't have to be fun. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like there's this thing where we feel like we have to be fun. And I'm like, I don't know why I have to be fun all the time. People invite me out after shows, and I go. I go, you just saw the most fun version of me. It gets way less fun after this.
- [30:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's funny. People come stay at our house, and I've had that exact, like, oh, y' all just go to bed at 9. And I'm like, yeah, I'm exhausting to be around. Like, it's exhausting to be in my skin. I want to go to bed and read a book. And I think people Think there's me a disco ball at my house. Like, when we get home, it really gets kicks off. And like, no, dude, I'm not fun.
- [30:42]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [30:43]
Dr. John DeLoney
Kind of a drag, actually.
- [30:44]
Dusty Slay
Well, yeah. And I used to. When I used to drink, I mean, I was all about it. I didn't. I didn't. Like, I drank a ton.
- [30:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [30:51]
Dusty Slay
But I didn't drink alone. I wanted to go out. I wanted to go out to the bar and be around people and drink and party and that was fun. But when I quit drinking, I was like. I kind of struggled with it a little bit, where I was like, oh, I'm not. Not really fun now.
- [31:04]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [31:04]
Dusty Slay
But I'm like, oh, why do I have to be fun? Where is it anywhere that says we need to be fun.
- [31:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
Well, it's less even that, like, there's the fun. There's the. This. Whatever it is, this alcohol, this whatever drug, it makes me a tougher version of myself or a sharper version. Like, there's something beneath that, which is the version of myself that is real isn't enough. It's not good enough.
- [31:29]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [31:30]
Dr. John DeLoney
To go be this other thing so that I can get your approval stranger. Right. Or five people who just came to my thing and want to. You know what I mean?
- [31:40]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [31:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's tougher than just not drinking. Like, what you just said is a really powerful shift in. I'm okay with me. How do you get there?
- [31:52]
Dusty Slay
Right.
- [31:52]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's the nightmare. Because we talk to you talk to people who struggle with alcohol. Alcohol's not the problem. Alcohol works. Alcohol's awesome. It works. It gets you what you want. People who cheat on their wives all the time, people who, like any. Put any vice down, that thing helps. The real issue is I don't like being me in my skin, and I need to be somebody else so that I can feel okay. Yeah, that's the nightmare.
- [32:14]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. I mean, you know. And, you know, two things for me. Religion, I guess you could call it religion. I mean, I'm Christian. I mean, I don't really go to a church, so I don't know if it's religion. You know, it's. But is relatively Christianity. It is Jesus. I'm not just a spiritual person. And then, you know, comedy. I mean, those two things. When I quit drinking, it's like. When I quit drinking, I was reading my Bible all the time, and I almost stopped doing comedy. I was like, I was just kind of hobbyist anyway. And then I was like, I don't know, maybe I don't even need this and then I. But I kept doing. And then I was like, I found that I really enjoyed it and actually liked it more when I wasn't drinking.
- [32:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
Huh.
- [32:57]
Dusty Slay
But then finding, you know, confidence in that, you know, I'm good at comedy. It helps. And then you're like, oh, okay. I don't have to be these other things to people. I can just be a comic and know that I'm good at this. And then I get laughs that way. So I don't need to get laughs everywhere I go in my life.
- [33:17]
Dr. John DeLoney
But where does that root grow from? That's tough.
- [33:21]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [33:22]
Dr. John DeLoney
Is it all faith? Just the sense that I'm loved by something bigger than me and I'm good?
- [33:25]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, I think so. And then it's like, you know, you kind of realize that. That, you know, while you do need things while you're on Earth, it's like, they don't really matter. It's like, I like that I've made money. I like that I have fun things and a car that starts every time. But if I were to be back to a place where I didn't have those things, I think I would be okay and maybe in some ways, even happier, because you have less things to worry about. Like, when I lived in apartments and a storm was coming through, I wasn't worried, because I'm like, this is not my apartment. You know what I mean? The tree falls on. Who cares?
- [34:04]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [34:04]
Dusty Slay
But when I first moved into a house, I had this giant tree in my backyard, and the wind would just whip this tree around, and I'm like, that tree's gonna crush my house. And then every storm, I was worried about this tree crushing my house.
- [34:16]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. And then even when there's not a storm, it's always like, I probably get that tree removed. It's just this little voice, like, I probably need to get that tree cut down. I don't cut that tree down.
- [34:25]
Dusty Slay
I love that tree.
- [34:25]
Dr. John DeLoney
I wonder how much that tree cost. It cost 5,000. I'm not cutting that tree down. It never stops. Yeah. Until the next storm. Right? Huh? There's a rooting there that is so powerful, and I hate to throw it all back on religion, which I think is a. That's. That's a root for me, which is like, none of this matters.
- [34:43]
Dusty Slay
Right.
- [34:43]
Dr. John DeLoney
And when I can open my hands to that and underneath the nothing, this doesn't matter as much as I'm loved. Whether I fail at my job or I don't have a good year, or you're like, you and I are together. We're 100% commission, right? Yeah. We're small business people, basically.
- [35:01]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [35:01]
Dr. John DeLoney
Like, if I don't have a good year, I still have intrinsic value, and that's okay. And in a weird way, that has freed me to rappel off even further down. I don't know, I. I have found a similar thing. Makes me better. But there's something about comics, too, that it's a daily interaction with failure that I think our whole culture tries to insulate us from.
- [35:20]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And also, you know, with even, like, going higher in comedy, like, you know, like, let's say, like, Hollywood, that sort of thing. Like, it's like, yeah, I go to LA and I take meetings and I'm like, if things happen, great, you know, but if they don't happen, it's okay. I have comedy. I still like, what? And I'm not, you know, I'm not mad at anyone. I go take meetings. I'm not nervous in the meetings. I'm not like, oh, I really need this. I go, if this happens, great. But if it doesn't, that's okay.
- [35:53]
Dr. John DeLoney
My kids love me and my wife likes me most of the time.
- [35:56]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. My kids would probably like it if I didn't get this, because I'll be home more.
- [36:01]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. That was a hard thing for me to wrap my. It took me years with my oldest. Like, he doesn't want anything but me. And I think I got to the level where it took me a long time to believe that. You know what I mean? Yeah. He's only gonna like me if almost, like, you're like. If I'm cool or if I'm the. Like, he doesn't care. He doesn't know any different. He's like, you're my dad.
- [36:25]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [36:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
Can we shoot each other with a water hose and play with mud? Like, I just want to do whatever you're doing. I want to do that. And that's. Dude, that was hard for me.
- [36:32]
Dusty Slay
Oh, yeah. Well, I feel like that. I don't know. I spend too much time thinking about things. But it's like, you know, you look back at, like, grandfathers, even great grandfathers, they were, like, around in World War I. And then, you know, then you have World War II, and then you have, like, I don't know, the Great Depression was somewhere in between there or before. So it's like. Like, you have all these, like, great grandparents and grandparents growing up in these really hard times.
- [36:58]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [36:59]
Dusty Slay
And oftentimes probably not that nice to their kids because their lives are hard.
- [37:04]
Dr. John DeLoney
Right.
- [37:04]
Dusty Slay
So then the next Generation maybe a little nicer to their kids, but their lives are still hard to. Where you get to, like, kind of the baby boomer generation that takes so much flack from everyone all the time, you know, but it's like, you know, who knows what their parents were like? Like, I know, like, I have relatives that have abusive parents, you know, and then, of course. And then you go. And then you find out that their parent was, like, more abusive than them.
- [37:33]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [37:33]
Dusty Slay
And then how far does it go back to where it's like each year or each generation, they're like, a little less abusive, right?
- [37:40]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [37:40]
Dusty Slay
So it's like, it's still abusive, but to the abuser, they're like, well, you should have seen what I was getting.
- [37:46]
Dr. John DeLoney
Right. Yeah. Right.
- [37:47]
Dusty Slay
To where we're now, like, you know, we're dealing with. With our parents and whatever they had to deal, you know? So I feel like we're all, like, in a way, getting a little better. Like, maybe softer, but, like, a little better.
- [37:59]
Dr. John DeLoney
Well, and there is that tension. I. I remember talking with a veteran, and it. Maybe it was World War II or World War I when they said this, it never occurred to me. They said there were no, no deployments. You didn't a good deploy for nine months. You went overseas and fought until that was over.
- [38:16]
Dusty Slay
Oh, wow.
- [38:17]
Dr. John DeLoney
Maybe a year, might be two years, might be three. Like, you came home if you lived when the fighting was done. And to now where I'm like, hey, I need to sit my son down. Like, I'm gonna miss three months from now. I'm gonna miss this cross country meet because I have a thing, man. I'm really. I'm letting you down. You know what I mean? He's like, dad, you're good, man. You know what I mean? And it's this. I don't know. I think there's a. There's a. The way I can get you to buy something is if I make you feel guilty. And I think that's a great. It's a great marketing move to get me to need to buy everything for my kids and to do everything for my kids because I'm not enough. Whereas, yeah, if you just go back three generations or two, one generation, they're gonna be fine.
- [38:58]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, right.
- [38:58]
Dr. John DeLoney
They're gonna be fine. And in fact, listening to my son retell the story without me telling him what I saw and what. How he could have moved different, him retelling it is awesome too. Right?
- [39:07]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [39:07]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's just. I don't know. I don't. I don't know, there's a place where I'll ever exhale and say, I'm doing this great. Like, you know what I mean? And that's. That's the nightmare, being a parent, I guess.
- [39:16]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. And who knows? I mean, it's like, if you're like me, you follow a lot of Instagram channels where everybody's giving advice. And then if you take all the advice and combine it all, you're like, oh, I can't do anything, because I can't. If I eat this, it kills me.
- [39:30]
Dr. John DeLoney
If you don't eat that and kill you.
- [39:32]
Dusty Slay
Right. And then if you're doing this workout or if you're on this or if you're running WI Fi. I talk about WI FI all the time. People think I'm crazy because I turn off my WI Fi at night at home, and people go, oh, some kind of weirdo. And the guy who brought my WI Fi box from the company on the pamphlet, it was like, you know, causes reproductive harm or cancers on their own pamphlet. And now I'm crazy for saying, right, right, right.
- [40:00]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [40:01]
Dusty Slay
And I'm like, you know, so you just try to stay away from all these things. And I wanna. I don't want my kids addicted to screen the phone the way that I'm addicted to the phone.
- [40:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
Totally.
- [40:10]
Dusty Slay
And I didn't even grow up with a phone, and I'm addicted to it.
- [40:13]
Dr. John DeLoney
No, it's. It's the most public. Public cocaine offering ever. Ever handed to all of us.
- [40:18]
Dusty Slay
That's why I have to go outside and do things.
- [40:20]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yes. Yeah.
- [40:20]
Dusty Slay
Because if I don't, I. I'm on my phone. I'm like, it's so hard to be off my phone. But if I get outside, I'm cool. I'm hanging. I'm breathing fresh air. I got a sinus thing going on right now from all the fresh air.
- [40:32]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's an important thing for folks who want to stop a thing. I'm gonna stop drinking. I'm gonna stop looking at pornography so much. I want to stop being on my phone all the time. I want to stop whatever is stopping something is good, but there's a value in what's the replacement for that. And, like, cool. Stop drinking. Great. That was filling something. So what are you gonna. What? What Positive think. And maybe it's just going to bed, dude. Maybe it's just getting a small gang. Maybe it's. I need to stop being on my t. On my screen. Are we gonna just, like, turn it off and just sit there and, like, white knuckle it or what positive thing can you do?
- [41:06]
Dusty Slay
Well, that's a hard thing for me on the road. Right. When I'm home, I can find plenty to do to not be on my phone. But when I'm on the road, I'm in a hotel.
- [41:14]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [41:15]
Dusty Slay
And I'm like, what am I supposed to be doing? Yeah, what am I supposed to do? I, I, you know, I smoke cigars sometimes.
- [41:20]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [41:20]
Dusty Slay
But is that good? You know?
- [41:22]
Dr. John DeLoney
And I'm like, I started getting tattoos in every town I went to. That was a terrible idea.
- [41:26]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, right.
- [41:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
It was like, I don't want to go to bars. I mean, that's gonna be stupid. I gotta do something.
- [41:30]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [41:31]
Dr. John DeLoney
And. Yeah, that's always a difficult challenge.
- [41:34]
Dusty Slay
What do you do? What do you, you know? And I, I bought a. I was gonna start carving wood. I bought a little wood carving that didn't go. It didn't go any further than me buying the wood carving set. I'm gonna be whittling in the hotel room.
- [41:47]
Dr. John DeLoney
So we live in a culture that has. Most households are dual households. People are both working, and it's not every household, but almost everyone. And this is. We can extrapolate this out to every, Every family here, but this one's a personal question for me. I write. Part of my life is writing books. And I work for a place that's got its own publishing machine. Right. And it can get books out everywhere in the world. My wife, who was Dr. Deloney before me, way smarter. She's an infinitely better writer, also writes, and she has a rule. I can't post about her books. I can't put it out there. She wants this to be hers. And at the end of every year, when we sit down and say, who sold the most books? Like the metric that the world says matters, like, there's tension there. Right. And you used to be on the road with your wife. Y' all both did comedy. How have y' all navigated? And again, this is. I'm a writer that not everyone listening. Very few people listen to writers or comics. But there is the. He works in construction and she's a nurse, or she works at a law firm, and he does whatever. There's always that competitive tension. How have you all navigated that in your house?
- [43:06]
Dusty Slay
Well, you know, my wife quit comedy, which was good in a lot of ways, because she didn't really like working the road, and so she kind of wanted to quit. But she was an actress before we met. She did stuff in Canada, and she, She'll. She, she likes that. That Aspect. But when she quit comedy, she was off the road for a couple of years, and that's when we decided to have kids, so it worked out well for us. But I think there is still a thing.
- [43:38]
Dr. John DeLoney
She still have ghosts about that?
- [43:39]
Dusty Slay
Well, she. Yeah, a little bit. She'll do Instagram, and she's very good at that in a lot of ways. She's more driven than me to. To create. She's always thinking of ideas, but it kind of takes over for her. Whereas I'm like. I don't know, I feel like I'm pretty good. I'm at a good place with comedy to where I can just write on stage. I just go to the club, I can write on stage, and it just doesn't obsess my mind.
- [44:03]
Dr. John DeLoney
I've seen you do that, and I will never understand, like, walking out with nothing and letting it go.
- [44:09]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [44:09]
Dr. John DeLoney
I mean, such a gutsy move.
- [44:11]
Dusty Slay
Well, it's. It over time, it's built up that way. I was never like that. I wasn't like that for a long time. It's amazing to watch, but I feel like, you know, when we used to travel together, it was really hard because, you know, my wife would open for me and, you know, if she didn't do well, you know, but you did well. But I did well. It'd be hard for her. And then if she did well and then I didn't do well, she would get mad at me and she would go, you got to do better. If I'm going to be opening for you, you got to do better.
- [44:39]
Dr. John DeLoney
Do you have marriage advice for folks who one person's in a season of blessing and one is not?
- [44:47]
Dusty Slay
You know, I don't really know. I'm not. I'm not really one for marriage advice too much, but I just think that, you know, when it comes to marriage, it's like, you gotta, like, agree on. On things, you know, and it's like if. If, you know, one is more successful than the other, then I just feel like, you gotta ride that out. You guys gotta go, hey, you know, you're making the money. I'm gonna support you.
- [45:13]
Dr. John DeLoney
And.
- [45:13]
Dusty Slay
And you both got to stay grounded and not think that, you know, it's just you.
- [45:19]
Dr. John DeLoney
I always have to come back to, if my wife is winning, we're winning.
- [45:23]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [45:23]
Dr. John DeLoney
And if. And that's easy to put, like, stitch into a pillow or put on a Hallmark card. The reality of that's tough. Or I got to be able to say I'm jealous that her book is a hundred times Better than mine.
- [45:35]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [45:36]
Dr. John DeLoney
And. And my wife's very similar. She loves the act of getting up and riding. It's a nightmare for me.
- [45:41]
Dusty Slay
Me.
- [45:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's a thing I have to do, and then I'm a part of a machine. So the thing that I hate the most apart about my job pays our bills.
- [45:51]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [45:52]
Dr. John DeLoney
And the thing that she craves and loves. Right. Doesn't. Isn't. Isn't as markedly successful, but it's that if I have a wife that's creative and is. It is actively involved in a project, our whole house that flows through our home, we're all winning, right?
- [46:08]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [46:08]
Dr. John DeLoney
Even if that means on certain months I'm doing more dishes or I'm doing more laundry or I'm doing. Taking the kids or doing more bedtimes or whatever. And vice versa.
- [46:16]
Dusty Slay
Right. Yeah.
- [46:16]
Dr. John DeLoney
But that's one way I can make. Make sense of it.
- [46:19]
Dusty Slay
Well, you know, I mean, there, there's.
- [46:21]
Dr. John DeLoney
Like, once you start competing in your house, I think that's, That's a. That's a bad road to go down.
- [46:25]
Dusty Slay
Yes, for sure. Because. Yeah. I mean, it's all about, like, it's all about teamwork.
- [46:29]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [46:29]
Dusty Slay
Right. I mean, and I like, you know, I like that my wife's at home. I really enjoy it. I mean, I, you know, I'm. I'm all about her doing other things, but I. I think, you know, my dreams of raising a family and having all the. They don't work without my wife. You know, without everything that she does at home. It doesn't work without her. You know, I can't. I can't go make money for our family the way that I want to without her. I don't trust anybody. I don't trust anyone with my kids. So without my wife, none of that works. You know, so it's like, yeah, I may be, you know, on the poster, I may be on Netflix, I may be on the marquee, but without my wife, none of it works. I'm not able to do it.
- [47:11]
Dr. John DeLoney
I'm like the little light bulb in the, in the lighthouse. But, man, she's that whole tower that thinks that's. That's the way it is in my house. Yeah. None of this happens without that. Yeah.
- [47:21]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. I mean, and it's like my kids get raised the way that I want them to be raised, and it's like. And the way that she wants them to be raised and we have beautiful kids and they're, you know, well minded most of the time. Time. Yeah. And. But it's like, it doesn't work without my wife. And it's like, that's more important to me than comedy. I mean, comedy is great. I mean, it's provided a good life for me, but it's more important that, you know, we have a good family and our kids have a good life.
- [47:49]
Dr. John DeLoney
What do you tell the 28 year old man or woman who's listening to this and who has said in, in, in. Honestly, it's like, it's almost a math problem. Like A plus B plus C equals. I don't have kids. Financially, relationally, like sexual. I don't. It's just gonna, I, I can see the algorithm where this blows up everything that is my life. I don't want to do that on this side of it. What would you tell somebody?
- [48:16]
Dusty Slay
Well, you know, it's like people, I feel like people that get married later in life, like, I did say, I wish I'd done this 10 years ago.
- [48:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [48:27]
Dusty Slay
And then people who do it almost every.
- [48:29]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. I wish I waited.
- [48:30]
Dusty Slay
Y. Yeah, they, But I mean, to me personally, I, I, I wish that I had just had, you know, kind of people around me, like guy that then I don't think people knew and just intentionally didn't guide me. I think I just didn't have the right people around me. But I wish that there would have been somebody that could really talk to me about drinking and, and, and given me some direction in life and saying, hey, this kind of road that you're on, it doesn't lead anywhere.
- [49:00]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [49:00]
Dusty Slay
Because I have a few jokes about drinking that are very funny, but I could have wrote those jokes in drinking for two years. I didn't need to do it for 10 a decade. Yeah.
- [49:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [49:10]
Dusty Slay
And, and I could have got started on things a lot sooner. I could have had kids at 25 rather than, you know, 39.
- [49:19]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. Do you, do you beat yourself up over that decade or do you give yourself some grace over.
- [49:24]
Dusty Slay
I, you know, it is what it is. So I don't really beat myself up, but I do wish that I, I could have got started sooner.
- [49:30]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [49:31]
Dusty Slay
And I, that's what I would say. I mean, it's like people, so many people are like, well, I want to live my life a little bit before, you know, I get locked down or whatever. And I would say that that is life.
- [49:42]
Dr. John DeLoney
This isn't. Yeah. The, the subs. And I'm like the substitute what wasn't life.
- [49:48]
Dusty Slay
Right. And it's like, you know, the men around me and I don't mean like my, my dad and I just Mean, men that I would work with that were older men were giving me such bad advice. They might have thought it was good advice, but they would be talking about marriage. And they're like, oh, you're gonna get, you know, you'll get married one day and it'll just be one woman for the rest of your life, so just explore the field, you know. And I'm like, well, that's the worst advice you could have given. Yeah, because, you know, it's like there's a Ecclesiastes verse, I think it's chapter seven, verse six. Or it could be the opposite, but it says all man's efforts are for his mouth, yet his appetite is never satisfied. It's like there's, there's no amount of like, sinning that you're gonna do that one day. You go, all right, that's good, I did it. I'm satisfied. Now let's get, get into a wholesome life, you know, and yeah, you're just gonna have mental scars. Yeah, that, that. Then you're like, ah, if I just followed the biblical way and just did the way that, that God wanted me to live my life, then I, I would be on a much better trajectory. Yeah, but I feel like this, this way. And I, I watched a guy recently, I wish I knew the video, but it was a YouTube video, it came out like four or five years ago, but just suddenly popped into everyone's algorithm. But he was just talking about what the 90s did to us. And then he goes through all the movies and what it was teaching us and all the music videos and what it was teaching us. And I love the 90s, but when you look back on that stuff, you go, oh, you were just pre programmed programming me to be a degenerate. And then when I was out here just, you know, drinking and getting high and people go, what are you doing? And I go, well, this is what I've been programmed to do, you know, and it's like, it's just a waste. I'm not saying it's not fun, of course, but it's a waste.
- [51:51]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, I, it. One of the most revealing moments of my life was I had a group of guys, we got together every Monday night and we were like, degenerate good guys, right? Not great, but, but. And then his name is John. He had got, he came and announced that he was pregnant. First one of my kids, one. First one of my bodies to have a kid. They have the kid and within two months he's not hanging out with us anymore. And I. His wife's a. One of my greatest friends in the world. But I went to. Gosh, he's the worst man. He has one kid, and he can't even go out anymore. Months, months. Couple years later, I have my kid, my first kid, and we were out one night, and I said, hey, it never occurred to me you weren't hanging out with us. Not because your wife was saying, but because you would rather sit on the couch and hold this tiny little lump of a human that you'd made. And I was like, why didn't you tell me? And he smiled, and he goes, because you wouldn't have. You wouldn't have heard it. There's nothing I could have said that would have made sense to you, other than, oh, I'm done playing video games with these idiots. Yeah, I'm gonna be here. You know what I mean?
- [52:57]
Dusty Slay
I know exactly what you mean, because.
- [52:59]
Dr. John DeLoney
It'S hard to explain it.
- [53:01]
Dusty Slay
I had so, so many friends that had kids way before me. I mean, one of my best friends, his daughter. My oldest daughter is 4 years old. His oldest daughter's 17. Right. They had him way before me. When I finally had a daughter, I apologized to so many of them.
- [53:17]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, I have two also. Yeah.
- [53:18]
Dusty Slay
I just go, I'm so sorry, guys. I had no idea. It was this thing of, like, we used to say it all the time. Oh, he's whipped. His wife. His wife just runs his house. He can't do anything. And then you get married and you have kids, and you go, oh, I. It's not that my wife won't let me do anything. I just respect my wife. I love my wife. I want to hang out with her.
- [53:41]
Dr. John DeLoney
Well, yeah, it never occurred to me. This is a couple years ago when I learned the single greatest predictor of a great marriage is, are y' all friends?
- [53:52]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [53:52]
Dr. John DeLoney
And I remember being like, oh, I could work on that. And then when there's, like, a pile of wet towels, if my buddy Todd comes to. Miles, if you came over and you left five cans of I guess you're not drinking so of Sprite on the counter, I wouldn't go into an existential tailspin about, what is Dusty trying to tell me? What is he. What is he trying to. I would just pick the cans up.
- [54:13]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [54:14]
Dr. John DeLoney
And the next time you're over there, like, dude, pick your cans up, up. And pass the nachos. Right. But for some reason, my wife does it. I'm like, what is she. What is she trying to say? What? It's like, bro, she's my friend, pick up the cans, you know, go on about your life. And when I realized like oh, we could make a friendship to where I'd rather just hang out here. And I can't do the math. I can't tell my buddies like who aren't married or whose marriages are struggling. Like I'd rather watch Matlock next to her with my long leg, hairy legged 15 year old son next to me then. Or it's even hard for me honestly to tell 30 year old me, hey, there's this event. 3,000 people want to pay money to come see you talk. I'd rather go to that soccer game at 9am with my girls. My daughter's soccer game. My 30 year old me is like, what are you talking about? We've dreamt about this. And it's like, yeah, but this actually is kind of more awesome.
- [55:04]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, well yeah, I mean I go through that all the time. Like I'll get an offer to go to LA and do a thing and I go, I don't know guys, I got a lot going. I, I, I'm gonna, if I do that, then I'm gone this weekend and then I'm in LA all week and then I'm gone next weekend. I'm, it'd be nine days I'm not home with my kids. I don't want to do that.
- [55:25]
Dr. John DeLoney
And, and for 30 girl me I feel like he's just yelling in my head like what are you talking about? Finally get. It's like, yeah, it's just a weird thing.
- [55:32]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, but that thing about your, your buddy that's so real for me. Whenever I would get married and have kids and, and I'd go oh what a loser. Like it's so sad for you. What are you just home on a Friday night? Yeah. And now I'm like, well yeah, with.
- [55:50]
Dr. John DeLoney
The, my best friend on the planet. Yeah.
- [55:52]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, yeah.
- [55:53]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's awesome.
- [55:54]
Dusty Slay
You don't want to get kicked out of the bar with me.
- [55:57]
Dr. John DeLoney
You want to tell the same football stories again?
- [56:00]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [56:00]
Dr. John DeLoney
And go like recreate chappelle clips at a over bad nachos. Yeah, you're good. And I like those things actually. And I also am not prepared. I wasn't prepared for. There is sometimes when I'm sitting at a soccer game and I'm like, I wish I was on the road right now. And that's okay too, right? There's, there's sometimes that I'm like, I can't hear the same wolf dragon story again. You know what I mean?
- [56:25]
Dusty Slay
Oh yeah.
- [56:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
I think I'm gonna run down and do a set down the street, or I'm gonna go call my buddy and go. Like, there is that, too. And there's. That's also a real part of being a parent. Right. It's not all. I love it all, but it's.
- [56:36]
Dusty Slay
I mean, I tell my kids to go play. I go, go play. What are you doing?
- [56:40]
Dr. John DeLoney
Exactly. I'm not a. I'm not a real life video game for you. Go. Yeah, go be bored. Yeah. What? We'll wrap up with this. And if. I don't mean to end on a heavy note, but if you could be a fly on the wall at your funeral, what would you want? Your daughter, when she's reading the eulogy, she writes about you, what would you want her to say? Because there's gonna be comics in the room. Being, like, one time, and then there's this. But then she walks up. What do you want her to say about my dad? Dusty?
- [57:14]
Dusty Slay
Well, yeah, I mean, that is a heavy question, but I, you know, I think I just want her to know that, you know, that I was there for her when she needed me to be there. And I. I cared about her and I spent as much time with her as I could. And. And, yeah, I mean, I think that just being there for someone and just caring about their life, because it's like, I want to believe that I can just give my kids advice, and then they just take it, and then they never have problems because they go, well, my dad lived through this and now he has the experience, so what he told me matters, so I'll just not make any of my own mistakes because my dad already made them all for me.
- [58:02]
Dr. John DeLoney
Right.
- [58:03]
Dusty Slay
I'd like to believe that, but I know that's not a reality necessarily. Now, I think you can take, you know, you can take some advice, but people are still going to make their own mistakes. But, yeah, I mean, I'd like for her to say that, yeah, my dad made me important in his life, that I was important to him and that he was there for me.
- [58:27]
Dr. John DeLoney
Having my.
- [58:29]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, my son, too, for that matter.
- [58:31]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, he's fine. Boys are on their own.
- [58:34]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [58:34]
Dr. John DeLoney
Having that. Yeah. Dang. I like that. Having this idea that, like, my kid knew that's home base.
- [58:44]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [58:44]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, that's it. There's always a door I can walk through.
- [58:47]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. You know, there's a John Anderson song called Wish I Could have Been There. You know, and he's just talking about all these moments that he missed with his kids because he had to work. And he was a truck driver. He probably didn't have any other options in this song.
- [58:58]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [58:59]
Dusty Slay
But I always think about that, and I'm like, well, I want to be there.
- [59:02]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah.
- [59:02]
Dusty Slay
When I can't be there for everything because there's gonna be things that I miss, regardless if I'm a comedian or if I'm, you know, I work at Lowe's Window washer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gonna be things that I miss, but. But, you know, I want to be there for things.
- [59:17]
Dr. John DeLoney
But there's something that also some of the research says about being there is the intensity of the time, not the volume of the time. And so that's like, when I do get off the road, when I do get off the air, do I walk home with my phone open? Do I walk home and immediately whip my laptop out or put the TV on or. When I'm with them, am I with them?
- [59:36]
Dusty Slay
Right.
- [59:37]
Dr. John DeLoney
And that's a. That's been a powerful shift for me, too, which is why I take full laser focus of the time I do do have.
- [59:43]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. I mean, I for sure struggle with that.
- [59:45]
Dr. John DeLoney
But.
- [59:46]
Dusty Slay
Yeah, but I. I do try to, like. I don't know, I read a thing where it's like, if you're on your phone and your kid comes up to you, just immediately respond to them, you know?
- [59:55]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah. Yeah.
- [59:56]
Dusty Slay
Even if you end up going back to the phone, just immediately respond to them.
- [60:00]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's right. Make eye contact and say, hey, I'm finishing this.
- [60:02]
Dusty Slay
Maybe I read that from you, but.
- [60:03]
Dr. John DeLoney
Pretty sure I wrote that. Yeah.
- [60:05]
Dusty Slay
I mean, I do follow you on Instagram, and I might have read that from you.
- [60:09]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But.
- [60:11]
Dusty Slay
But yeah. And I've been trying.
- [60:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
That was a failure. Right. I was like. My daughter's like, dad, dad. I'm like, hold on, hold on. And I could have just put it down, but, like, I need two seconds to finish this. And then I got you. And that's a. It's just a way to treat somebody with dignity.
- [60:22]
Dusty Slay
Right? Yeah. And I read that, and, yeah. I mean, I've been. I've been exercising that.
- [60:28]
Dr. John DeLoney
That's awesome.
- [60:29]
Dusty Slay
Where I'm like, yeah. I mean, it's like. Because it's like, when I was growing up, like, my dad would read the paper, my dad would watch tv, my mom would watch tv. It's like, we're all. Well, it's just. The technology's changed. Right. But the. You know, so it's like, there's. People are still doing things the same way they always did, but now it's different, but the phone can suck you in.
- [60:49]
Dr. John DeLoney
Oh, man. Yeah. And I didn't think about that. We're mad about this eye contact, but most of us grew up behind this. Yeah, right there was. I could even see your torso.
- [60:59]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. I mean, I called my dad now, and he still has the volume on 110 on the TV and I'm talking to him and he's watching so.
- [61:09]
Dr. John DeLoney
Something. Yeah. What?
- [61:10]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Yeah.
- [61:13]
Dr. John DeLoney
Well, dude, thank you for coming on. And I want to say thank you for just. I get to see you behind closed doors. And thank you for being kind to me. Thank you for being hospitable and welcoming and for being a good coach, like, teaching me how all stuff works. And, man, I think right now, in the times we live in, there's a reason comedy's had such a wild resurgence. And I think it's because, like, real comics are the last truth tellers. But more importantly, what people desperately, more than anything is, can I just be in a crowded room of strangers and have a shared human experience? Can I have one hour where I can just laugh? And it's, it's that, that there is no greater pharmaceutical need right now in this country than can we put the phones down and go. You literally have to put your phone in a bag back and just have a shared moment with strangers and somebody. Just tell us the truth for a while.
- [62:09]
Dusty Slay
Yeah.
- [62:10]
Dr. John DeLoney
Thank you for doing that.
- [62:11]
Dusty Slay
Well, thank you.
- [62:12]
Dr. John DeLoney
It's a, it's a, it's a holy. And I don't say that in, like, the cosmically religious is a holy gift in this current world we live in right now.
- [62:20]
Dusty Slay
It is amazing. I mean, like, I don't mean what I do, but I mean, this, this comedy thing, it's like you, sometimes I, you know, I'll, you know, meet people after the shows and it's just like, I'm not going to say it's a wide variety of people, but I have a variety of people and I have a wide variety of ages. Yes, I do have. And it's pretty awesome to see that. Just people, like, that's why, that's what I always tell people about my show. I don't necessarily recommend kids to come because I do have some adult subjects. Nothing dirty, but it's, I let my kids go.
- [62:56]
Dr. John DeLoney
Yeah, it's good.
- [62:57]
Dusty Slay
But I, I, it is something that, you know, if you're, like, in your 20s and you want to bring your parents to the show, you can bring them and laugh together at my comedy, and it's gonna be fine. You're not gonna be embarrassed that you brought your aunt to my show?
- [63:11]
Dr. John DeLoney
No.
- [63:12]
Dusty Slay
And that's what I think is fun. I've had a lot of people tell me that, that they. They've been able to bond with this family member or this family member over my comedy. And that's why I don't talk politics. Because, you know, first off, probably no one wants to hear it from me, but it, it also, it's just another. Like, ESPN used to be one of my favorite things, but it's. I think it's all politics. Yeah, it's so. And I'm like, sports used to be this thing where, like, you just watch baseball. It doesn't matter what you look like, who you are, you just. You enjoy baseball. But now everything has some social justice angle to it.
- [63:46]
Dr. John DeLoney
You can just come in a comedy room and just.
- [63:48]
Dusty Slay
And that's why comedy just. Yeah. Hear me talk about how I make stupid small talk choices.
- [63:55]
Dr. John DeLoney
You know, I'll say is, the other night after your show, I went home. My son is an obsessive Garth Brooks fan, and I called him and my wife in and I was like, have you all listened to this song? I won't. I won't ruin it, because that's a great bit. People need to see that live. And my wife is like, yeah, it's an awful song. And I was like, I didn't know that. And my son was like, what do you mean? And we just walked through the lyrics together and we're all like, oh, gosh. Yeah, it's awesome, man. It's fantast.
- [64:20]
Dusty Slay
Well, thank you. I mean, I. I've been trying to work on that bit for a long time. Years.
- [64:24]
Dr. John DeLoney
It was a home run.
- [64:25]
Dusty Slay
Yeah. Thank you.
- [64:26]
Dr. John DeLoney
It was a home years.
- [64:27]
Dusty Slay
I've been working on that bit now. I'll put it to the side. And then.
- [64:30]
Dr. John DeLoney
No, it's back. It's back. And the. I don't get too nerdy the way you split. It could have been this or it could have been this. Yeah, that was the entry point, and that was perfect.
- [64:42]
Dusty Slay
That's the new angle. That's perfect. Helped it to come alive again. Awesome.
- [64:47]
Dr. John DeLoney
Could be this. Awesome. Well, dude, thanks for being my friend. I'm grateful for you, brother.
- [64:50]
Dusty Slay
Thank you.