Should I Let My Wife Have Male Friends?

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dr. John DeLoney Show Episode: Should I Let My Wife Have Male Friends? Release Date: August 6, 2025

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Overview

In this episode of The Dr. John DeLoney Show, hosted by Ramsey Network, Dr. John DeLoney engages with callers grappling with complex relationship and family dynamics. The central theme revolves around trust, boundaries, and effective communication within marriages, particularly focusing on male-female friendships and their impact on marital stability.

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1. Andrew's Story: Navigating Emotional and Physical Affairs

Timestamp: [00:21] – [18:00]

Caller: Andrew from Fresno, California

Summary:

Andrew shares his painful experience of discovering his wife's emotional and later physical affair after eight years of marriage and three children. He reveals that his wife had been feeling abandoned for over a year, evident through her consistent crying—a plea he admits he failed to recognize and address adequately. This neglect led to her emotional detachment and eventual infidelity.

Key Points:

• Emotional Neglect: Andrew acknowledges that his focus on providing for the family led to emotional gaps in the marriage.
• Discovery of Betrayal: The revelation of the affair blindsided him, highlighting the importance of active listening and emotional presence.
• Rebuilding Trust: Dr. DeLoney emphasizes the necessity of establishing clear boundaries and a roadmap to rebuild trust, stressing that both partners must commit to this path.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. John DeLoney: “A man’s supposed to listen to his crying wife.” [05:48]
• Andrew: “I’m more afraid of losing her.” [09:16]
• Dr. John DeLoney: “Masculinity is not always packing up and running. In fact, it usually is standing your ground and walking straight through the middle of a mess.” [19:23]

Insights and Conclusions:

• Effective communication is paramount in addressing underlying emotional issues within a marriage.
• Both partners must actively participate in rebuilding trust and setting healthy boundaries.
• Recognizing and acting upon signs of emotional distress can prevent deeper relational fractures.

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2. Luis's Dilemma: Balancing Personal Goals and Family Expectations

Timestamp: [22:08] – [50:17]

Caller: Luis from Bozeman, Montana

Summary:

Luis seeks advice on how to align his wife's evolving career aspirations with his own sacrifices as a stay-at-home mom. She fears that pursuing her career goals might lead to resentment, especially considering his decade-long dedication to their family's well-being. The conversation delves into self-worth, societal expectations, and the importance of mutual support within a marriage.

Key Points:

• Evolving Personal Goals: Luis's wife desires to re-enter the workforce in a capacity that accommodates their family's unique needs, including caring for their special needs child.
• Fear of Resentment: She worries that her contributions might not match his, leading to feelings of inadequacy and potential resentment.
• Dr. DeLoney's Advice: Encourages open and honest communication, emphasizing the value of her contributions beyond financial metrics and the necessity for her to express her needs and feelings.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. John DeLoney: “The greatest gift you can give your kids is a well-regulated mom who loves herself and believes in the contribution she's making.” [32:43]
• Luis: “It moves so fast.” [47:49]
• Dr. John DeLoney: “Hope is an action.” [50:17]

Insights and Conclusions:

• Personal fulfillment and self-worth are integral to maintaining a healthy family dynamic.
• Encouraging partners to pursue their aspirations fosters mutual respect and reduces the likelihood of resentment.
• Transparent communication about individual needs and contributions strengthens marital bonds.

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3. Ann's Concern: Encouraging Father-in-Law to Relocate for Health Reasons

Timestamp: [41:18] – [50:17]

Caller: Ann from Dallas, Texas

Summary:

Ann discusses her struggle to persuade her father-in-law, diagnosed with Parkinson's, to move closer for better care. Despite multiple family meetings and visits, resistance persists. Dr. DeLoney provides strategies focusing on action over conversation, emphasizing the importance of setting clear plans and boundaries.

Key Points:

• Health and Mobility Issues: The father-in-law's declining health necessitates relocation for better support and care.
• Family Dynamics: Attempts to reassure and persuade him through conversations have been ineffective.
• Action-Oriented Solutions: Dr. DeLoney advises taking concrete steps, such as involving realtors and setting definitive plans, to facilitate the move.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. John DeLoney: “Hope without a plan is a wish. Stop wishing. Hope is an action.” [50:03]
• Ann: “It's getting frustrating.” [45:08]
• Dr. John DeLoney: “The only path you'll have is to do less talking and more action.” [44:55]

Insights and Conclusions:

• In situations where verbal persuasion fails, implementing practical solutions can drive necessary changes.
• Balancing empathy with decisive action is crucial in managing family health crises.
• Clear and actionable plans alleviate confusion and provide a structured path forward.

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4. Joe's Inquiry: Managing Sibling Conflict Through Shared Activities

Timestamp: [53:22] – [56:07]

Caller: Joe from South Bend, Indiana

Summary:

Joe questions whether allowing his two boys, ages 10 and 13, to play the inappropriate video game GTA together to mitigate their constant fighting places him as a problematic parent. Dr. DeLoney addresses the complexities of granting such permissions, emphasizing the importance of guiding children towards positive interactions without compromising their moral development.

Key Points:

• Sibling Conflict: Joe's sons frequently fight, and he resorts to supervised gaming as a temporary solution to foster camaraderie.
• Parental Responsibility: Balancing conflict resolution and moral guidance is essential in parenting strategies.
• Dr. DeLoney's Stance: While recognizing the underlying issue, he discourages the use of inappropriate content as a means to reduce tension.

Notable Quotes:

• Dr. John DeLoney: “Yes, you're the problem.” [53:46]
• Dr. John DeLoney: “They are little brothers. They're gonna fight.” [55:38]
• Joe: “They've proven they can get along.” [55:06]

Insights and Conclusions:

• Addressing the root causes of sibling rivalry is more effective than applying surface-level solutions.
• Encouraging positive shared activities can strengthen sibling bonds without introducing negative influences.
• Setting clear boundaries and fostering mutual respect are key components in mitigating familial conflicts.

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Final Thoughts

Throughout the episode, Dr. John DeLoney emphasizes the importance of proactive communication, setting clear boundaries, and taking decisive actions to address and resolve complex relationship issues. Whether dealing with marital infidelity, personal identity within family roles, caring for aging parents, or managing sibling conflicts, the underlying message advocates for honesty, integrity, and purposeful action to foster healthy and resilient relationships.

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Notable Resources Mentioned:

• BetterHelp: An online therapy provider offering access to mental health professionals. Visit betterhelp.com DeLoney for 10% off your first month.
• Helix Sleep: Personalized mattresses tailored to individual sleep needs. Visit helixsleep.com DeLoney for a 20% discount.
• Cozy Earth: Comfort-focused apparel and bedding to enhance daily relaxation. Use code DeLoney at cozyearth.com DeLoney for 40% off.
• Mama Bear Wills: Service for creating wills to ensure family protection. Visit as recommended by Dr. DeLoney.

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This summary encapsulates the core discussions and advice provided in the episode, offering listeners a comprehensive understanding of the topics covered without requiring prior listening.

Transcript

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Big news. New dates for money and marriage. Getaway just dropped for Valentine's Day weekend, 2026. Get [e-mail] events to get away with your spouse. In Nashville, Tennessee.

[Andrew]

About a year and a half ago, my wife had an emotional affair.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Did she ever sit down and say, I feel abandoned.

[Andrew]

He cried to me for probably a year.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, where were.

[Andrew]

I didn't intentionally not hear it at the time. I just thought I was doing what a man's supposed to do is a.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Man'S supposed to listen to his crying wife.

[Andrew]

What up?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What's up? What's up? This is John with the Dr. John DeLoney Show. Taking your calls from all over the planet. Real people going through real challenges, talking about your mental and emotional health and your marriage and whatever else you got going on, your kids, your life. If you want to be on the show, go to john deloney.com, ask a s k and Kelly will holler back, girl, because she is a hollaback girl and we'll get you on the show.

[Luis]

I'm not.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's a B A A N A N A S ain't no hollaback girl. If y' all only knew. If y' all only knew. Let's go to Fresno, California and talk to Andrew. What's up, Andrew?

[Andrew]

John, how we doing?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Doing all right, brother. How about you?

[Andrew]

Man, this is wild.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It is wild. What's up with you?

[Luis]

A lot.

[Andrew]

I got a lot going on. I'm just. It's just kind of crazy how I ended up on this show. I've been listening to you for a long time.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, I'm glad you're here, man. It's not like you're sitting in your car.

[Andrew]

Yeah. Can you hear me well?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, yeah, I can hear you great. It sounds like you pulled over on the side of the road and you're just like at the, at the end of the rope. You doing good?

[Andrew]

I am at the end of my rope. All right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Let it rip, man.

[Andrew]

So to give you some context on this, give you a 22nd synopsis. I've been married about eight years, three kids. My wife was raised by a mother who was a firefighter. Dad stayed home. So my wife grew up having. Seeing her mom have. 90% of her coworkers were male and most of her friends were male. Contrast that with my upbringing. My parents ended their marriage, got divorced because of an affair. I have seen friends have affairs, aunts, uncles, you name it, anyone, and everyone. I feel like everyone's having an affair. And so all this is to give context of one of the biggest fights in our marriage has always been, how do you have boundaries with the opposite sex? I have always. My wife, the standpoint she has come from is she has felt controlled, like, I'm behaving like a f. And I have always come from the standpoint of how do you not value our marriage enough to keep it safe? Does that make sense?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

100%.

[Andrew]

So the context of this is to say about a year and a half ago, I found out my wife had had or was having an emotional affair.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Andrew]

And for me, at the time, it came out of nowhere. It. It blindsided me. And. And I was. And it touched the nerve because it was in this area that we've always struggled with, and I've always been very anxious about is the boundaries. Right. And so for her, though, she said she had felt abandoned for about a year, year and a half prior. It wasn't out of nowhere. I just didn't see it. So. Been working with the emotional affair for about a year. We were at the point of probably separating this last December, but also kind of getting over at the same time. I know that probably sounds confusing.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, not. Not at all. It's a mess. Dude. It's like. It's like throwing a. A grenade in a living room, man. You don't. I mean, there's stuff everywhere.

[Andrew]

Well, I. I guess what I should say is after the year of kind of thinking about the emotional affair, I started seeing where. Not that I had deserved and was responsible for the actions she took, but where I had let a gap creep into our marriage.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

But hold on, back up. Did she ever, in that 18 months when she felt abandoned, sit down and say, I feel abandoned.

[Andrew]

He cried to me for probably a year.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Where were you? Are you there?

[Andrew]

You know. Yeah, I was think. You know, John, honestly, it's hard to.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Because that. Because the way. The way you painted that was. It came out of nowhere. But she'd been crying for you for a year, saying, where's my husband? And you're like, that's good.

[Andrew]

It came out of nowhere in the sense of. I guess I had this view of I'm doing what a man's supposed to do. I go to work, I provide. I. I, you know, I work hard. I've made a lot of money. I've given up my dreams to make sure my kids can eat, can have a roof over their head. And. And what she has said over and over, and this is what I say, I can hear now and then, I didn't I didn't intentionally not hear it at the time. I just thought I was doing what a man's supposed to do is a.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Man'S supposed to listen to his crying wife.

[Andrew]

Yeah, that's what she says.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. A man is supposed to respond as crying wife. But I mean. And by the way, bro, I've been there, too. It's a hard lesson to learn, okay? I've been there several times.

[Andrew]

The painful lesson to learn.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It is. It is. Now, describe this emotional affair for me, because that means so many different things to so many different people.

[Andrew]

Well, the reason I say it was serendipitous, me getting on your call was I. Last week, I reached out Monday. I've been thinking about reaching out to you for probably a year, John. I mean that. And then Monday, I reach out in the morning to your show Monday night, my wife sits me down and told me that it had not been an emotional affair, that it had been a physical affair.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There you go. And that's why you haven't had a settled spirit for a year, because your body knows the air is not clean in that house.

[Andrew]

When she told me, I had two instant reactions. I had. I started sitting there and I started just saying, no, no, no, as if me saying the words was going to make it rewind and not be true anymore. And the second was. I knew it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You knew it.

[Andrew]

I don't feel crazy anymore.

[Luis]

See?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes. And I. I'm going to challenge what you just told me. That. No, no, no. Was. You squashed yourself. That was you talking to you. Because in your guts, you.

[Andrew]

John, I looked her in the eyes so many times in the last. The physical affair didn't happen until five months ago. So emotional affair.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So it continued after y' all had talked and resettled everything. Right.

[Andrew]

So it continued then It's. It stopped and then it picked back up as we, you know, probably two months before the physical happens, and then. And then the. And then be lying, you know, hiding it for the next five months. And honestly, John, we were talking about separating two weeks before. She told me two weeks ago, up until two weeks ago. And the one thing I looked at her and I told her, I. We were talking about what boundaries would look like and separating, and I said, if you. All I need to know is if you ever cheat on me, I need to know, because I can. I can't live with that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so she let you know, can you live with it?

[Andrew]

You know, John, this has been one of my biggest struggles because the second I found out, I was hurt more than I have ever been hurt in my entire life, John.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah.

[Andrew]

But at the same time, I was more afraid of losing her.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I don't think that's right. And tell me if I'm wrong. Okay. I think you're scared of losing, like, the reality of. For whatever. I mean, what I'm hearing through your whole narrative here is you have a whole history of people letting you down. And you have a whole history of you believing that you let yourself down. And you swore to yourself you were going to be the one that was different. And you've laid in bed at night next to her while she's sleeping, knowing there's something on. On that something in the air isn't right. And you can't wrap your head around only seeing those three kids 50% of the time. I don't think this has to do with her because I get a lot of grief for this. Dude. I'll give somebody. I get emotional affairs. I get them. I get crushes. I get that. And. But somebody calls it out and we sit down and we talk, and we have it out and we have this. Hey, you weren't here for me for 18 months. I sobbed for you for a year. And you say, my God, I'm so sorry I missed it. I thought I was doing right by you. And here we are. And this emotional affair did not become a physical affair. And it was a huge alarm system in our house, and we got it, and we're back. And then she started texting him again. And then she started sleeping with him. Like, the pain on top of that, bro, is like, that's a. That's not just an. Oh, my gosh. And here. How do we find ourselves here? That is a willful. Yeah, I don't care. I'm a Spit my husband's face. He's not going anywhere.

[Andrew]

Yeah, she said as much.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah. I'm heartbroken, brother. I'm sorry that happened to you.

[Andrew]

Well, I take that back. She hasn't. She.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

No, she has. With her actions. You don't have to say nothing.

[Andrew]

Extra.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And, dude, maybe. Maybe you're. It's just her. Maybe you love her to the moon and back. And you. You realized I. I make these. Made these big proclamations. If you ever. I'm gonna. And then it happens. You realize, okay, I'm not. And you're free to. Bro, I'm not telling you what to do. You're free to do with what you want. You're free to do whatever you want. You're a grown man. You got three kids. You're married. You can do what you want, but your hurt is right. And for some reason, it feels like a double dose of hurt. It feels like a hurt, and then I'm spitting in your face, too. Y' all are actively healing from the. From the emotional affair, right?

[Andrew]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And you're trying to be a more engaged husband. You're trying to be plugged in. You're trying to do the right things. You're trying to listen to her more.

[Andrew]

I didn't do that very well, John, if I'm being honest.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Andrew]

That's what makes it really confusing for me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There's nothing confusing about it. It's just deciding what you want to do next. Because the more you try to rewind what happened, the fact is, your wife. She wouldn't slept with somebody else is what it is. And so y' all get to decide. What are we going to do next? Does she want to stay with you?

[Andrew]

She wanted to separate prior to the physical affair because she hadn't felt, seen, and heard for a long time.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Andrew]

He feels similar now.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Andrew]

But she. I would say she feels a glimmer of hope in the sense of. In the sense of feeling like we circled. I don't know how to say this well, John, but we've circled what it was supposed to be so many times. Like, it's not like we were trying to make things work and we missed the mark, and it was just like. Okay, there's no. There's no avenue where we see this fitting. There was just. There's so many moments and times and periods where it felt like this is how it's supposed to feel.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Here's the deal. I don't care about your feelings right now or hers, because both of Yalls feelings are not good proxies for truth or reality. Like, the question before you is, are y' all going to do the hard work to learn to trust each other again? Her trust you that when she has emotional challenges that you'll put down your stupid phone and you'll stop working on the next deal or whatever you do at work. And you will be present with your wife. And she's gonna. You're gonna have to decide whether she can. She's gonna have to decide whether she can stop hanging out with guys all the time and making you gaslighting you, making you feel stupid about it. Stop sleeping with other men. Stop texting topless pictures to other men. I don't know what she's doing.

[Andrew]

And she didn't do that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That you know of. Yeah, right.

[Andrew]

And so sound like me.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

The question. The question you're gonna have to ask is, can I trust her? And if I put a road map down, that is a road map for her to rebuild trust with me. Will she commit to that road map? That's what's before you. And maybe she. That she feels a glimmer of hope because she finally pulled the pin on your old marriage and it's in ash now. And maybe it was exhausting trying to keep that house of cards up and the house cards is over. And now maybe I want to build something with concrete and wood and bolts that's going to hold. I can see there being some hope there. But y' all going to have to reestablish trust with each other. You emotionally and her physically.

[Andrew]

What does that road map look like, John?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You get to decide. I can't give that to you. Sometimes it is. I want to see every single text message you send. You cannot go hang out with other dudes without me anymore. I don't want to see you texting another grown man.

[Andrew]

And if she doesn't accept it, then.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You get to say, I can't rebuild trust with you. And she gets to look at you and say, when I walk in the door, I want your phone to be down. Want you to see the whites of your eyes. I want you to look at me and say, you're beautiful. I'm glad you're home. And you have to get to say, actually, I think this deal is more important than you. Actually, I think finishing this report for work and getting one more thing done is more important than the kids. You get to decide that.

[Andrew]

I guess what I don't understand, John, is how to say that without going back into. How do I say that without her feeling like I'm the dad again.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You can't. She gets to make up whatever bullcrap story she wants. You can't. You can't make her not feel a thing. She gets to choose that. Because here's the gross truth. You were right. Your intuition was right. And she made you feel stupid for watching a whole bunch of marriages burned down around you your whole life. And for you creating some boundaries that you. You knew intuitively. These were like OG Grandma wisdom things. Hey, if you hang out with a bunch of dudes, you might sleep with one of them or vice versa. Hey, you don't have a bunch of friends that are guys. They all would sleep with you if you would sleep with them.

[Andrew]

No.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, they would. You know that. And you put it down and she made you Feel stupid for that boundary. And then here we are. So she can choose to look at your map that you say, hey, this is what it's going to take for me to trust you again enough to build something new with you. And she can say, well, that makes me feel like you're trying to be my dad. Okay, then she is choosing to leave. But you can't control how she feels.

[Andrew]

So there's nothing in terms of agreements. And I guess I struggle to. How. How does that. How do you set a boundary versus an agreement versus just okay, I can't live this way.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You're. Dude, you're over intellectualizing it. You don't want to deal with it, Andrew, bro. You don't want to deal with this. And I get it, it's painful, but you got to deal with it. When you start trying to like, what does this word mean? And what does this word mean? Dude, you're just trying to circle the wagon. You don't want to go right through the middle of it. I'm telling you, the only way through this is right through the middle of it. And the action for you is to sit down with a yellow pad and a pen and write out what must be true for her to regain your trust over time. And write down, here's what is true about how you begged me for 18 months to hear my emotional cries and I ignored you for the next deal. I annoyed our kids because I was making money. And you're gonna put that roadmap down in front of her if after writing all that stuff down, you say, I want to continue this marriage, but I want you to get with a friend or get with a counselor and ask yourself, honestly, do you want to be married to her and rebuild a life with her, or are you more ashamed and afraid of becoming yet another family statistic? Because if you're trying to duct tape over that shame and that holding your head out, holding your head down, you're trying to duct tape over that by, no, no, no, it's going to be fine. It's going to be cool, man. You're going to be right back in the same boat. But if you say, no, no, no, I chose you and I love you, I'm going to rebuild this thing. I'm going to treat you with integrity, and I'm going to be honest and clear as kind, I'm going to be very clear. That's the next masculine, masculine thing. Masculinity is not always packing up and running. In fact, it usually is standing your ground and walking straight through the middle of a mess. So that's the best I can offer you. If you're ruminating, man, that's usually your body trying to, as Brene Brown says, dress, rehearse tragedy instead of just dealing with what's in front of you.

[Andrew]

You.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

My challenge for you is to stop parsing. What's a boundary and what's it? Just take action. And it may be that for the last two years, she's been begging you, will you take action? It's your move, my brother. Let me know how it goes when we come back. A woman asks how to discuss work and finances with her husband. This show is sponsored by Better Help. Life can be a mess. Work can be stressful. And when these collide, when your regular life and your work life just smash together your mind and your body, feel it. And there's plenty of data showing how workplace stress and even your boss can have a major impact on your mental and emotional stress. And most of us can't just take a vacation from work every time that we want to. But we can start with small steps to manage our work stress. First, we gotta do the things that keep our bodies in relationships. Strong. Exercise. Sunlight. Eating right. Relationship check ins. And when you need someone to sit with you and help you navigate things moving forward. Getting a great therapist to help walk with you can be a game changer. If you're thinking about trying therapy, reach out to my friends at BetterHelp. BetterHelp is a hundred percent online, which means it's affordable and it's convenient. No six month waiting lists to get started. You, you just fill out a short online survey to get matched with a licensed therapist. And as the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. And BetterHelp has an app store rating of 4.9 out of 5 stars based on over 1.7 million client reviews. It's incredible. Manage your workday challenges with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com DeLoney to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H-E-L-P.com DeLoney all right, let's go to Bozeman, Montana and talk to Luis. What's up, Luis?

[Luis]

Hi. How you doing?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm good. What's up with you?

[Luis]

I'm doing pretty good. Just trying to keep everybody in line this summer vacation.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

God bless you, dude. Good luck. Have fun. What's up?

[Luis]

I. I'm calling because my husband. I don't necessarily have a disagreement, but I Don't quite know how to approach it, but my question is, how can my husband and I ensure we share a common understanding of my future career goals without creating resentment? I'm currently a stay at home mom.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You just said so many things.

[Luis]

I know, and there's. There's more to it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I know there's more to that. Hold on. I want to do a quick thing with you. Okay?

[Luis]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Close your eyes for me. How many kids do you have?

[Luis]

Four.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. I want you to picture them all real quick right in front of you. And one by one, I want you to watch them walking out of the room. Okay. And then I want you to picture your husband standing there, and I want you to picture him waving to you and walking out of the room. And I want you to scan that room. And you're all by yourself right now. Okay? Open your eyes. Now. You don't have to protect anybody. You can speak freely. There's no other women judging you. Whether you should be a stay at home mom or you should go to work. There's none of the conversations you and your husband said have had in the past about, I just want us to move to Montana and we're going to have this home and I'm going to be a stay at home. All that is out. It's just you in a room and me. Okay?

[Luis]

Yep.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So I want you to speak as freely and as openly as you can. Cool?

[Luis]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right. What do you want to do one day?

[Luis]

Well, that has changed.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, tell me about it.

[Luis]

You know, my goals 10 years ago, you know, are nowhere near my goals today.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Can I tell you this? Thank God. You know what that means? That means you've. You've got become wiser. You've learned new things.

[Luis]

Well, and I've had children and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, you've had new experiences. Great. Hooray.

[Luis]

And, you know, there's been some wrenches, you know, not bad, but just unexpected changes in life that have changed my. My goals for myself. You know, one of those is that one of our children is severely mentally disabled.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Luis]

And he will live with us most likely the rest of his life.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Luis]

Great kid. Blessing. You know, blessing from God.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You don't have. Hey, listen, Louise, you don't have to qualify. You qualify every sentence. You get to just say it. Okay?

[Luis]

Yes. Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He can be a blessing, and you can also weep at night. And he can be such a gift, and he can be incredibly challenging to deal with minute by minute, day by day. Okay? All that is true.

[Luis]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay.

[Luis]

So that has changed my Plans. And you know, I have a. Older, My oldest is 13, my youngest is 2.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Good God Almighty. That's a spread.

[Luis]

Yes, yes. We've had other medical conditions with our oldest, you know, that has required our attention and time and resources. And then, you know, my two year old needs me, you know, and my five year old, so. And then, and then, yeah, and then.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then husband's like, whoa, what are you doing this weekend?

[Luis]

Right, yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

You have all of it.

[Luis]

All of it, yes. And honestly it's, it's mainly been me at home for the last decade. He, he worked a good chunk of the year away for quite some time and now he's home Monday through Friday. It's wonderful. He's incredibly, you know, sacrificing for his family, works incredibly hard. But now that we're getting to this junction to where I can look at going back to work, I feel like we're not on the same page. And because he sacrificed so much the last 10 years, I don't want it now to create resentment if I don't want to go be something big and grand or have a high paying job where I just want to go work at my kid's school and be able to still be home with them after school each day with, you know, my special needs child and not make hardly any money and still be able to contribute.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

What makes you think he is going to resent you? Is that a story you're telling yourself or is that true?

[Luis]

It's. And that's, that's part of why I called because I, it's. He has sacrificed. So. So stop with that. Stop with that.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Stop with that. Stop with that. Stop with that. I'm asking you, you. What makes you think he's going to resent you?

[Luis]

And it may just be in my own head. I've always been anxious. That's okay. To please people.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

That's okay. I'm an anxious guy too. But I'm trying to get to. Has he told you repeatedly, I'm only doing this for 10 years. I'm going to kill myself for 10 years before so you can go back to the law firm and make six figures so we can finally get a float? Does he say that every single day and you just smile?

[Luis]

No.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Or are you, have you made up, have you made up a story that you, even though you're raising a special needs kid and you're an amazing stay at home mom and you've got a grinded out awesome husband, that your only real value is in a direct deposit somewhere? Where is that story coming from him or from you?

[Luis]

I think for me, because we've endured financial hardship, you know, through the last 15 years, we've been together and come through, and now we're in a great spot, and I don't know if I'm just self sabotaging. And now we're. Now we're in a nice, you know, average, comfortable position that it's okay. Well, if I don't go make, you know, $2,000 a month or whatever. Whatever a good income is, you know, then I'm just kind of wasting everybody's time and I guess not being as productive for the family as I could be.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Where is that story coming from? I'm hearing an amazing woman and mom and contributor.

[Luis]

It feels like I could be doing more, and I just don't. I don't want to let anybody down and. Because I can see the physical toll he's taken and the mental toll he's taken over the last decade, and he's, you know, still gung ho every day to be just a wonderful father. I just don't want to. I guess. I guess don't let my end down.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Is there any factual indication that you're letting anybody down?

[Luis]

Nothing factual. No, it's.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Stop. I want you to sit at the end of that sentence. Can I ask you a very personal question? Do you have any girlfriends that you hang out with?

[Luis]

Yes, I have a few wonderful, close girlfriends.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. How often do y' all get together in person?

[Luis]

Every couple weeks.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Do they know you're struggling like this?

[Luis]

They know that I'm a little lost.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

This is not a little lost.

[Luis]

And that I want to help.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

This is not a little lost. Your path to freedom right now starts with you stopping minimizing how much pain you're in because you're hurting bad, aren't you?

[Luis]

Yes, but I.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Stop, stop. Don't qualify.

[Luis]

It's my own fault.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Don't qualify it. Just let it be. You're allowed to hurt. You're allowed to. The only thing I would ask you to not do is to keep it all to yourself. When's the last time you wept in front of your husband and said, I don't think I'm enough here?

[Luis]

I don't.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay?

[Luis]

Because he's. He's, you know, literally broken his body for the family, you know, Listen, I want to do. Is.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Listen, Luis, just for all due respect, I don't want to hear that anymore. He signed up for that. I signed up to have a wife and kids. And in this season of Life, I Signed up to be the guy who makes the money. And that means I signed up to be tired and exhausted and I signed up to live on some acres, which means I have to. My time off, I'm mowing and weed, eating and dealing with. I signed up for that. Okay, so he signed up for this. It's the life he signed up for. And I don't want you to take his joy and his purpose and his contribution away. Yes, he's sacrificing. That's what good men do. And he probably is smiling all the way, isn't he?

[Luis]

Most days, yep.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, so if you're deeply struggling with purpose, if you're struggling with a change plans, if you're struggling with loneliness, if you're struggling with. Every time he walks in the door, you feel less than. I want you to love him enough, love yourself enough, and love your girlfriends enough to be honest and start saying these things out loud because it's the secrets that are going to bury you.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Because unless I'm missing something, I'm hearing an amazing, strong woman who's contributing. My gosh. Or let me flip it around. What's the dollar amount it would cost to run a household of four kids? One full time special needs kid, one older kid who's entering into the wild years and she's got special needs or medical needs. What would that care cost?

[Luis]

More than I would make.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

More than any of us would make. Right?

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so even if you just do the math on that, it's not going into a direct deposit, but your work is incredibly financially valuable. And by the way, I don't care about the numbers part. The only thing I want to ask you is, or tell you is the greatest gift you can give your kids is a well regulated mom who loves herself and believes in the contribution she's making.

[Luis]

Yeah, that's what I want to show them.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. Kids haven't. They have to. It's. It's developmental. But they know when mom's not okay. And kids unfortunately will rush around to try to solve that. They take it on as it's their fault.

[Luis]

I've already seen my oldest try and come in to save the day or take some pressure off.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay, Luis, that's not her job. And she has a special needs sister. She should see that and begin to take on a little bit extra responsibility. That's what you want. You want kids that see when there are hurting people in the world or people in the margins or people who need extra care and love for them to step in. We Have a whole world now that just turns ahead.

[Luis]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And your daughters, your older kids are going to have a ringside seat to loving people with different challenges. There is no greater gift than that. And you can stay at home and be like, man, I wish they had a quote unquote regular childhood. Man, what an amazing opportunity they have. They're going to enter into the world extraordinary citizens because they get to do some extra work around the house and they get to love their sibling a little bit deeper. It's awesome. But all of that is ancillary to a mom that I'm listening to that thinks somehow that story has worm hold its way into your heart, into your spirit, that you're not enough.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And can I say this? I had to learn this the hard way. I work really hard, I make good money, I travel all over the place, I'm running around everywhere. One of the most important things, quote, unquote, as a man I could be doing at my house is making sure I see my wife and I know her and I let her feel, I make her, I give her the opportunity to feel uplifted and supported and loved. And if you see your husband working really hard and breaking his back, literally and figuratively, and making money and supporting the family, that's good. But if his wife is. Her spirit is dying inside her own chest, then he doesn't know the full picture of being a present husband and father. And he needs you to be honest with him.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If he can't see it, it's a matter of honesty.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

He needs to hear from his wife. I'm not doing okay. Will you love him in that way and love yourself in that way?

[Luis]

I need to.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Okay. That's not what I asked. That was a good answer. That's not what I asked. Will you?

[Luis]

Yes, I will. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And can we also say this? Tell them, hey, I want to have a dreaming conversation. I've had some things stirring in my spirit and I would love to make you a humongous breakfast. And I'll have the 13 year old take all the kids and do something or we'll shove them in front of a TV for a few hours. I don't care. Or if you'll have enough money, we're going to go out to breakfast somewhere in town and I want to have a dreaming conversation.

[Andrew]

What? What?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm dreaming. I'm a dreaming conversation. And by the way, 10 years, that's too long. Who knows what's gonna happen? 10 years, let's do two and tell them I'm Having a stern in my spirit that I'd always thought I was gonna go get a big job when the kids. But I think I want to do this instead. What about you? Unless you put that on the table and have that conversation, and then that's also the time you tell them, I don't feel like I'm enough for you. I don't feel like I'm enough for this family. And let him respond.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

My gut tells me is when you put that on the table, he's going to come across that table and hug you so tight you won't be able to breathe. And hopefully that conversation gets to a place where he asks you or you tell him, or both. Today you could love me by and I don't know what you like, I don't know what you want, but being able to say those things out loud. I know you work really hard, but if you just gave me a 30 second hug before you left and said that you love me, that would be a huge deal for me.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If you came home every once in a while, flowers would be a huge deal for me. If you helped the kids bedtime even though you're exhausted and your feet hurt, that'd be a huge deal for me. If twice a week I could leave our special needs kid with somebody and just go run around and be silly with my girlfriends, that'd be awesome, by the way. You deserve that, Louise. You get that? Okay, I want you to put your fist in your chest right Real quick. Will you do that for me? And I want you to say in front of me and everyone listening, I love this woman.

[Luis]

I love this woman.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And today I'm going to start loving her with action.

[Luis]

Today I'm going to start loving with action.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Loving her with action. I see what you did. There you go. Game on.

[Luis]

Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

All right, so you just promised all of us that by the end of the day, you're going to have set up this breakfast meeting with your husband. And if you're like me, you're going to get jumbled in your words. And so it might be good to write it all down. Here's what's been stirring in my spirit the last few years. And give him an opportunity to love you like I think he loves you, like you know he does. To listen, to exhale and to respond and then maybe ask you, all right, how can I love you next? How can I love you now? I'm glad there's amazing women like you out there, Luis, but I want you to put on your oxygen mask now. You've been holding your breath for a long, long time. We come back, a woman asks how she can get her father in law to relocate for his health. I love my Helix mattress. And summer is wrapping up. And I cannot even believe this, but we're already prepping for the school year. But still, the sun's still out early. Kids are still bouncing all over the place. And if you're like me, your daily routine is hanging on by a thread. Forget that. It's. It's just chaos. And when that happens, what's the first thing that tanks in all of our homes? Sleep. I'm going to be honest with you. When I'm not sleeping well, not the best husband, and I'm especially not the best dad. I'm pretty grumpy and everything feels harder than it should. Listen, sleep is not just about rest. It's about showing up the next day as the kind of person you want to be and as the people who love you need you to be. That's why I sleep on a Helix mattress. Before Helix, I tried all kinds of mattresses. Too soft, too stiff. They had memory foam that just inhaled you like quicksand. You name it, I've tried it. But Helix matched me with the perfect mattress based on how I sleep and who I sleep next to. My wife. Yes. They've even got options for couples who need different feels on the same bed. It's incredible. I want you to get online and take the Helix Sleep quiz. It takes like two minutes. They're going to match you with the perfect mattress just for you. And right now my audience gets early access to the Helix Labor Day sale for for 20% off site wide. Go to helixsleep.com DeLoney and get 20% off your entire order. That's helixsleep.com DeLoney with Helix Better sleep starts right now. All right, Dallas, Texas. Let's talk to Ann. What's up, Ann?

[Luis]

Hi. How are you, Dr. John?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Doing all right. What's up in your world?

[Luis]

All right, so my question is is how can I positively motivate my father in law to move closer to us without losing our patients?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Well, the easy answer is you can't. Why do you want him to move?

[Luis]

Well, so he's been diagnosed with Parkinson's for the past 10 years and the past couple years his mobility has been declining and he's been having falls. And it's to the point where my mother in law is not able to pick him up. Like they have to call the fire department and such. And so recently she's been calling us because she's been, it's been wearing on her. And last April we did have like a full family discussion between them, my brother in law and our. And my husband and I about moving closer to us. And since that, it's been pretty difficult. My husband went out there for two and a half weeks. My brother in law went out there, his sister, my, his aunts and uncles have visited him. And it's basically like we have to constantly reassure him that this is a good decision, that we've already discussed this, this is why we're doing it for all of life for him and his health and his wife's health. And it's kind of, it's getting frustrating. It's constantly having to reassure him for that. And so we're going to be seeing them in about a couple, in a couple of weeks to help them. And it's going to probably be the same process of having to reassure. And I'm just trying to figure out how can we positively talk to him about this change.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yeah, I would give him some space. As his body is failing him and as his picture for his older life is failing him and as he feels like a failure to his wife and to his kids, I would let him complain.

[Luis]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I would let him need the reassurance. I wouldn't wish his position on my worst enemy. It's everything a proud father would not want to have. Right. And probably the only path you'll have is to do less talking and more action. Like, hey, we're bringing a realtor with us. The house goes on the market July 15th and so we're bringing a person here to give us an assessment of the house. And here is an apartment that we have found for you or we've created space in our house. Whatever y' all are going to do there, stop the talking. And more there's going to be talking, but more here's the action we're taking because as your dad, your father in law's body is failing him more and as his wife is getting more and more scared talking, he's still going to try to convince himself that this will work itself out. It's not.

[Luis]

Yeah. And that's what's difficult is fighting part because there are some things that we are trying to work through like make sure that like, like we with, for instance, we try to get his tsp, his like his retirement situated to where the dependents are listed correctly and things like that. And it took, it took pulling teeth for him to work with us to act like it is like basically his retirement ready for, like, basically the financial stuff ready.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So it's like, okay, but sometimes here's where we need to shift the conversation. Y' all have had all of the big kumbaya conversations. You've had the big family meeting.

[Andrew]

Your.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

His sons have spent a couple of weeks with him each.

[Luis]

Mm.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Now it's sitting down saying, do you want to love mom or not?

[Luis]

Mm.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And we have to be that direct.

[Luis]

Mm.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Do you want to love mom or not? If you do not want to love mom, we're going to stop this conversation. If you do. Well, I. No, no, no. We have the computer up. Do you want to love mom or not? Log into the account. Okay. And he's a grown man. He might walk away or he might not be able to walk away because his Parkinson's is bad. He might just turn away. Yeah, okay. But some of this is just going to be frustrating and just be patient because you have a man whose body is falling apart underneath him. His marriage is falling apart, his son's driving to take care of him all. And he sees what's coming. Right. He sees one of his sons having to change a diaper. You see, it might. It's. It just sucks. And so I'd give him a ton of grace. And you and your husband, like, if y' all need to have a signal where you just need to go for a walk, then go for the walk. But I think there's something in your spirit that is that and probably everybody's, that if y' all just do the right thing, this will become easy. It changes when y' all walk in. Knowing this is going to be really hard and frustrating.

[Luis]

Right.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And so we're just going to make that switch. This is hard and frustrating. And when we have to be very, very direct, dad, do you love mom? Then we're going to have. We're going to be that direct. We that clear.

[Luis]

Okay.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Or mom is moving into our house. You get to choose whether you come with her. We want you to come with her, but we're not going to fight you. And you know as well as I do the single most stubborn creature ever created is the aging male. Right. Can I give you one other little thing?

[Luis]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

If any of these conversations that you are working through with your father in law are unspoken or unsettled between you and your husband, I would settle those now. Meaning if you don't know where all the retirement accounts are and you're haven't seen the dependence listed on them and you don't know where the life insurance policy is, and y' all don't share a checking account together. I would use this as a catalyst to make those changes in your own home, too. Is that fair?

[Luis]

It is.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Why'd you get quiet on me?

[Luis]

Oh, yeah. No, it's. It's just self reflection. It's. It is real how important this is, because it's just. It's. It moves so fast.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

So fast. And if you don't have a will for both of you, then by the end of this weekend, I want y' all to have a will. You can go to my friends at Mama Bear Wills. That's what I did when I moved to Nashville. I just got one because of my one from Texas. My state plan from Texas didn't. Didn't transfer states. And that's the first thing I got when I got to town just to make sure if I got hit by a bus going to Starbucks, that my kids were taken care of, that my wife was taken care of. If you don't have that stuff, let this be a catalyst.

[Luis]

Mm.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And then let a dying, aging old man having to lean on his sons and probably, if you're like most families lean on you a lot that your son might do. I mean, your husband might do a lot of the talking, but you have to do a lot of the work. Like, I would give him some grace.

[Luis]

Yeah. I've been feeling like I'm like, the one that's really pushing all of this talk and stuff, because just how I work as a nurse, and so I see this happening, these bad situations happening in a hospital setting, and I just want to. It's almost like seeing a train wreck, because I'm trying to give them enough space to get some of this started, but I can see they're starting to drown with a lot of the help that they will need with this.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

There you go. And I'll also tell you this. There was a moment when my wife stepped in when it came to, like, we. My family wasn't dealing with anything like this, but just our. What do you want to do for the holidays? I don't know. And then it's December 24th, and we're like, are we gonna drive to 18 hours to. So she was the one that just started sending an email in September saying, here is our fall. And my goodness, it was such a gift. And I was embarrassed that she took. Like. She's just like, I'll be the leader here, because there's not one. But I tell you what, man, it was so great, and it gave Me a path to step up. And I had to grow up and become like, you know what I mean? But it was awesome. And it might just be you announcing to everybody via email or via phone call or whatever. I'm a nurse. I'm taking this over. Y' all are not. Y' all aren't doing anything. Father in law, I love you. I'm taking over. You know, I mean, and y' all can get mad at me or resent me, but I'm watching a train wreck that I see happen every day. I'm watching it happen in my own family, and I won't do it.

[Luis]

Yeah, that. That helps me feel a little bit better about, like, asserting that confidence with that. Because I feel like I almost step into their boundaries with some of this, and I'm like, I'm almost wishing and hoping they'll take it, but it's. They're not difficult to see it. Yeah.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

And I've heard it said, hope without a plan is a wish. Stop wishing. Hope is an action. Take action. Now. You can tell your husband I'm about to do this. This is the last call. We're fine, honey. We've got it under control. We're gonna be. I'm a. I'm watching this happen in real time. I'm taking over. And I can't help. I don't know, there's something just stirring. I can't help but think that you've got some unanswered things in your own house, in your own marriage. And I think it's worth sitting down and saying before this weekend's over, you and I, we're gonna go away for half a day. We're gonna want to see all this stuff because this is going to be us in this many years. Or as a nurse, you know, it might be next weekend that somebody gets in a car wreck. And I want to make sure all of our ducks in a row, too. You're awesome, man. Thanks for loving your father in law and for trying to respect everybody's boundaries. But also, there comes a moment when I'm. I'm. I'm taking charge and I'm heading in because nobody else is. Hope is an action. Thank you so much. We'll be right back. All right. All right. It's cozy Earth time. Listen, just hearing the term nine to five is a total bummer. Makes me think of like a boss with coffee breath or co workers with no boundaries or those of you I hear from all the time who are trying to work from home with kids running around and dogs barking and partners just showing up. Ah, all of it. That's why Cozy Earth wants to make your 5 to 9 the the time that matters most the most comfortable part of your day. Cozy Earth is a big part of how my wife and I make our home and our lives warm and cozy. My wife gets into her cozy Earth PJs as early as possible without being weird. And I love the cozier T shirts and pants because they're soft and breathable, but also tough. They survived my front yard wrestling matches with my daughter and last night my son and I took a long jog and my cozier T shirt held up great. Plus, my whole family loves Cozy Earth's temperature regulating sheets. They naturally wick away heat and moisture from your body to help you sleep several degrees cooler. Cozy Earth is so confident they offer a hundred night sleep trial. You can try them out during the hottest nights of the year and if you don't absolutely love them, you can return them hassle free. Of course, Cozy earth offers a 10 year warranty on all bedding products and that makes for a decade of great sleep. Go to cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney for 40% off best selling temperature regulating sheets, apparel and more. Trust me, you're going to feel the difference the very first night you sleep on these sheets. And by the way, their towels are the best. Go to cozyearth.com DeLoney and use code DeLoney to save 40% off everything sleep cooler, lounge lighter Stay cozy All right Kelly, am I the problem? All right, so this is from Joe in South Bend, Indiana and he writes Am I the problem?

[Luis]

I have two boys age 13 and.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

10 who are polar opposites in fight about everything. Last month they logged onto my profile.

[Luis]

On the Xbox and began to play gta. For those that don't know that's Grand.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Theft Auto, I grant you it is a wildly inappropriate game for them, but when they play it, they actually get along. Am I the problem for letting them.

[Luis]

Play an inappropriate video game because it.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Means they are having fun with each.

[Luis]

Other instead of arguing?

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Yes, you're the problem. Here's why Man, I get where you're coming from. But no, those kids should not be playing Grand Theft Auto online with multiple players that they don't. Yes, they should not be doing that and you know that or you wouldn't be riding in. And if they've proven they can connect and have fun together in that environment, then that means they've proven they can have fun and connect. And your job as a dad. Is to put them in situations where they can be successful together and where they just gonna. Dude, they're little brothers. They're gonna fight. But put them in. In situations where they're going to connect and be successful, and also it's not going to melt their brains. And so, yes, you're the problem, but I think you're headed in the right direction because you. They've proven to you they can get along, and now it's your job as dad to put them in situations where they can be successful and not morally bankrupt themselves. Sound good? Kelly?

[Luis]

Yes.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

I'm gonna tell you this is a bad analogy, but the thought that popped in my head is when I talk to couples who are, like, considering consensual non monogamy, and they're like, but listen, if she just sleeps with another guy, she's so much nicer at, and it's like, okay, but. All right, but. But that solution isn't that. Geez, just causes more problems that. Anyway, you're 100 right on this one. You can't. Yes.

[Luis]

It's.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

It's not okay. What you say? 13 and 11.

[Luis]

10 and 13.

[Dr. John DeLoney]

Oh, God. Yeah. Please don't. Please don't. Not a. Just. Wow. Dad. Take him fishing. Take him to see a pro wrestling match. Take him to Jiu Jitsu. Do things with him. You get off the game and get out with your boys, Maybe all of y' all will find some common ground. In fact, I promise you, you will. Love you guys.

[Luis]

Bye.