Boopity Boopity Boop

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Boopity Boopity Boop" – The Dream

Podcast: The Dream
Host: Jane Marie (Little Everywhere)
Guest: Julia (Producer), Jason Mantzoukas (Comedian & Podcaster)
Date: June 20, 2026

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Episode Overview

This vibrant and candid episode marks a new chapter for The Dream, reimagined as a free-form weekly interview show. Jane Marie pulls back the curtain on modern dating by revisiting her work on the “DTR” podcast with producer Julia. The focus: the tangle of seeking authentic love in today’s app-centric dating world as a 30-something. With a signature blend of humor and real talk, Jane brings on comedian Jason Mantzoukas to help Julia—who’s both living and producing the dating content—navigate how women can be upfront about wanting commitment without scaring prospective partners away.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Agony and Irony of “Living” the Podcast (02:41–03:16)

• Julia describes the oddity and exhaustion of producing a podcast about dating while also actively dating:
  "It's a special kind of hell to be single going on first dates while working on a podcast about single people going on first dates."
• The segment dives into the blurred boundaries between work and personal life for Julia.

2. The “Kids” Over-Interpretation & Navigating Mixed Signals (04:29–06:42)

• Jane recounts a significant exchange between Julia and a date, Ian, where casual talk about parks and kids rapidly gets loaded with undue meaning:
  • Ian (05:21): “I read in that she, like, wants to have kids later on.”
  • Julia is exasperated: "From that one comment?"
• The sequence demonstrates common communication pitfalls and gendered assumptions in early-stage dating.

3. How and When to Be Direct About Wanting a Partner (06:18–08:15)

• Julia voices the classic dilemma: being honest about looking for a real, long-term relationship versus fearing she’ll “scare off” dates.
• Her frustrations about being misunderstood—does wanting a partner mean ruling out passion and excitement?
  • Julia (07:16): “When I say long term I don't mean, like, boring relationship shit. I mean a fun partner...But a partner, like one person.”

4. Enter Jason Mantzoukas: Comic Relief & Tough Dating Love (08:33–09:32, 14:19–35:01)

• Jason brings both levity and sharp observations, including opening with a signature “boopity boopity boop” riff (08:31).
• Jane introduces Jason with affection, calling him the omnipresent “human version of when you learn a new word and suddenly start hearing it everywhere.” (08:55)
• Jason humorously and sincerely engages with Julia about her dating preferences, past relationships, and profile choices.

Notable Jason Quotes:

• On relationships ending abruptly:
  “These are the moves that people make that are absolute insanity to me.” (18:04)
• On profile photos with exes:
  “If you have six pictures to tell the world who I am, and one of them is with my ex boyfriend, then you are somebody who is not over that boyfriend.” (22:39)

5. Swiping, Criteria, and Hilarious Detours (19:18–26:34)

• Julia’s dating “type” is debated—Jason teases her about gym rats, baldness, and dealbreakers like beards.
• Jason and Jane “swipe” for Julia and parse real (and cringeworthy) Tinder profiles, referencing balloon artists, sweaty photos, French toast, etc.
• Jason advocates for practical, sometimes blunt advice peppered with comic exaggeration:
  • “He has a ripped up dad-bod...He’s a filmmaker...This guy gets a hard yes from me.” (24:23)
  • “Like rock hard. Like cutting diamond hard. Yes.” (24:27)

6. Should You Disclose Your Intentions on a First Date? (27:17–30:39)

• Spirited debate arises:
  • Jason feels stating intentions too early can be intimidating:
    “The question, ‘what are you looking for?’ is inappropriate for a first date.” (27:17)
  • Jane and Julia argue it’s about filtering for shared goals, not singling out the specific date as “the one.”
• Jason’s wisdom:
  “We can do ourselves a disservice by trying to tell new people the end of our story before we’re actually telling the beginning.” (30:16)

7. Healing, Self-Development, and Not Losing the Magic (31:59–34:41)

• The trio reflects on lessons from previous heartbreaks, avoiding projecting old wounds onto new people.
• Jason highlights the importance of having a “full life” outside of a relationship: “What you’re offering is a full, rich life...not a life that has a giant hole in it you are looking for someone to fill.” (33:57)
• The dynamic mixes comedy and poignancy, culminating in a raunchy joke about “fill this hole”—to everyone’s amusement.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Julia, on directness:
  “I want to be very direct with people about what I'm looking for, but I don't want to be too direct to the point that they go running for the hills.” (07:16)

• Jason, on dating fears:
  “It's fear. Because you're afraid: ‘What if I fall for this person and they don’t fall for me?’” (30:42)

• Jane, summing up the challenge:
  “The tricky and magical thing about love is that you can plot it all out in your head...But when it actually happens, it is a thing unto itself.” (38:53)

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Key Timestamps

• Julia’s Dating Dilemma – 03:03
• Ian Reads into ‘Kids’ – 05:02
• Julia Expresses Her Wants – 05:55
• Jason Mantzoukas Joins – 08:33
• Swiping & Criteria – 19:27
• Discussion: The Timeline Question – 27:17
• Reflections on Relationship Fears – 31:59
• Closing Wisdom: "People Love Love" – 37:59
• Jane’s Final Reflection – 38:53

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Episode Wrap-Up

After Jason’s advice, Julia experiments with a more relaxed, in-the-moment dating approach—"just trying to chill out a little bit more" (35:27). Her main lesson: nobody truly knows what they're doing in love, and even the best advice is just anecdotal. The magic of connection remains unpredictable and rare, but that rarity is what makes it so rewarding.

Julia (37:47):
"No one knows who they're gonna fall in love with. Even what you think you like... doesn't matter all that much because when you meet someone you like, they could fit none of what you thought you liked before."

The episode delivers a funny, honest, and at times touching exploration of real-world dating and the search for lasting partnership—reminding us that no app, strategy, or list of criteria can script when or where love happens.

---

Transcript

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the US Surgeon General says kids who spend more than three hours a day online are twice as likely to struggle with depression and anxiety. And nearly half of girls and about a third of boys say social media causes overwhelming stress. Researchers have even found that teens who spend more than five hours a day on their phones are at double the risk for suicidal thoughts. I want to avoid all that stuff with my kid. Good news. There's a better option. A company called Gab is tackling this with something they call tech in steps. Instead of handing a kid a full on adult smartphone right away, Gab offers safer phones and watches designed specifically for kids with no social media. Younger kids can start with GPS enabled watches so parents know where they are and as they grow, they can move to phones with parent enabled apps. It's technology that grows with them while helping protect their mental health. The bottom line? Your child doesn't need a device built for adults. I absolutely love our Gab phone for my 12 year old. I can see where she is. She can call me, others can call her if I approve them. Anytime she gets a text message that has a bad word in it, I see it.

[Jane Marie]

I don't have to monitor everything she

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says, but when she's texting with someone and they say shut up, shut up, shut up, shut shut up, shut up. Jerk. I see that Gab keeps kids connected. Without social media, I can't recommend Gab enough. If you're looking for a phone that makes parenting easier and gives you a little more peace of mind, check them out. Visit gab.comdream and use code dream for an exclusive offer. That's Gab G A B B I'm

[Jane Marie]

Jane Marie and this is the last week of my hiatus and today I just wanted to have some fun. So I'm going to play an episode of a show I made before the Dream. It's the official Tinder podcast dtr and there's a very, very special guest. I hope it makes you laugh as much as we do on the episode.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Enjoy.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

What are you doing at Gimlet?

[Julia]

I'm working on this podcast.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

I see, so you're a producer on it?

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Figured might as well take advantage of

[Jane Marie]

it, go on dates.

[Julia]

I'm like one of the only single people on our team. And like in edits, they're like, julia, you're dating. What do you know?

[Jane Marie]

Hey, it's Jane Marie and you're listening to dtr, Tinder's podcast about defining relationships

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

in the digital age.

[Jane Marie]

Today we're turning the mics on one of our own producers, Julia. You've heard Julia this season, forcing other daters to bare their souls. And it turns out it can be a special kind of hell to be single going on first dates. While working on a podcast about single people going on first dates, Julia is drowning in it. All day at work and then actually living it in her free time dating.

[Julia]

Which is like all I've been talking about for like the past three months. And it's horrible.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Yeah, it's gonna be horrible.

[Julia]

I used to think about other things. I used to like, I used to care about world events.

[Jane Marie]

So today on the show, we're gonna try to help Julia tackle this one big confusing dating issues she's been struggling with. It's something a lot of people have a hard time navigating, and it's something a lot are getting wrong. And that is that Julia wants something real. A long term partner. She's in her mid-30s and she is ready. But how do you tell someone you've just met that you're over flings and commitment phobes? Should you just blurt it out on the first date? Isn't that supposed to terrify dudes? Or do you never say it and wait for them to get there? Which they probably won't. So why waste your time? That's today on dtr. To start out, we wanted to get a sense of what Julia's dates are like even before we swiped for her. So we decided to follow her on some dates, get the lay of the land. And there was this one moment that stood out to us from all the dates we sent her on this one exchange with a guy named Ian, who are all I've told many friends about it. And they are equally like, what the fuck? I think this moment perfectly encapsulates just what Julia is up against. Listen closely because it goes by really fast. It happened when Ian and Julia were strolling through a park.

[Julia]

Yeah, I never hang out in this park.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

In this park.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Is it because of all the, you know, dominant culture is sort of like a kid zone.

[Julia]

Oh, I'm not afraid of being around kids. That's cool. Especially I just don't hang out in this park because I don't live here. I guess I don't like working.

[Jane Marie]

That was it. To us, it sounded like small talk about parks, but to Ian the conversation was about his entire future. This is Ian talking to our producer mid date about what he called the kids thing.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Yeah, the kids thing. She was like, I like kids.

[Julia]

Did you read something into that when she said I like kids?

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Totally, totally. I read what I. I did read into that. And I also read her, you know, expressing like a first, like, impression about that. Totally, completely read into that.

[Julia]

Can you say more like, what do you mean?

[Jane Marie]

Oh, like, I feel like.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

I feel like. I read in that she, like, wants to have kids later on.

[Julia]

From that one, from that, from that one comment.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Yeah, neurotic. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Definitely.

[Jane Marie]

This is what Julia's dealing with, what we're all dealing with. A woman can't even say that she doesn't mind walking in a park near children without her date, assuming that means she wants a baby put in her by him immediately. For fuck's sake, you guys, grow up. Julia's style up until now has been to level with the Ian's of the world right from the outset, which she did at the end of their date.

[Julia]

I want someone who, like, has their shit together. I guess in some ways I'm like, ready.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

You're ready to be in, like, a committed relationship. That's what I take that to me

[Julia]

with once I find that person. Like, I'm not like anyone. I'm like, sure, yeah. You know, obviously that's why I'm like dating a lot, is to find the person I gel with. But yeah, I'm like. I'm like fully cooked, I guess. Yeah, I'm ready.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

We're. We're kind of in different zones. We're kind of in different zones. I'm like, learning to decode the things that I'm attracted to. And you're like, I want to be with somebody who, like, wants to be with me.

[Julia]

What do you. What do you mean?

[Interviewer/Co-host]

You're thinking in terms of, like, this is what I want my life to look like with a person. And I'm thinking more in terms of like, this is like, I. You're thinking about, like, being in a relationship and I'm talking about like, like

[Julia]

the spark, I guess. Yeah. But I'm also looking for a spark.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

It's not like I'm not naturally.

[Julia]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jane Marie]

The spark Ian's talking about seems like code for I'm just looking to hook up. And Julia's like, yeah, me too. For life. We all drop these kinds of hints early on. Maybe not this early on, Julia, but it's all part of defining the relationship. After the date, Julia had a lot to say about this whole spark thing.

[Julia]

Like, it's not because I say I'm looking for a partner. It's that I don't want a passionate spark relationship that starts with a spark, which I feel like whenever I say that, people think that I just want to, like, make stew with someone on a Friday night and watch Netflix for the rest of my life. And, like, that's not. That's not what I'm saying. It's just like, eventually I would. I like partnership, but it's not like I don't want to go dancing till 4am and make out with someone in a club. I do. When I say long term, I don't mean, like, boring relationship shit. I mean a fun partner that I. But a partner, like one person. But that this is. Like, this is. Then I guess my issue is that, like, I want to be very direct with people about what I'm looking for, but I don't want to be too direct to the point that they go running for the hills.

[Jane Marie]

So this is our mission. How to be direct and upfront about what you want without scaring the shit out of everyone you meet. How to say I want a fun, exciting, sexy relationship? These are tricky questions. So to help me help Julia, we called in the big guns.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Boopity boop ba de boop boopity boopity boop.

[Jane Marie]

Ladies and gentlemen, my friend Jason Mantcukas, Comedian, podcaster, and star of the big and small screen.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm Jason Mantzoukas. Uh, I'm 44 years old. What are we. What is it? Why. Why am I stating my name?

[Optum Advertiser]

Uh.

[Audi Q3 Advertiser]

Oh.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What do you want from me?

[Jane Marie]

I want.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What is. What's happening here?

[Jane Marie]

You're introducing yourself to my audience.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, are we rolling?

[Jane Marie]

Yes. Jason is everywhere these days. He's a co host of the podcast how did this Get Made? And a regular on Comedy Bang Bang. He played the wild card friend on the TV show the League. Jason's kind of like the human version of when you learn a new word and then suddenly you start hearing that word everywhere. And I believe that Jason Mancukas is the only person on earth who can help Julia. That's not True. But he was available to come into the studio and he's really smart and funny. After the break, Jason Mantcukis is going to swipe for Julia and fix everything.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You said specifically that you have a physical type, but I don't know that you've mentioned what it is.

[Julia]

I guess. Yeah, like I would like some like defin physically. Like some definition, I guess in the character.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like a ripped gym rat? No, like a ripped up gym rat. Like shredded bro. Like crossfit jersey, short P90X gym tan, laundry.

[Julia]

Don't do it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No.

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[Gab Phone Advertiser]

The US Surgeon General says kids who spend more than three hours a day online are twice as likely to struggle with depression and anxiety. And nearly half of girls and about a third of boys say social media causes overwhelming stress. Researchers have even found that teens who spend more than five hours a day on their phones are at double the risk for suicidal thoughts. I want to avoid all that stuff with my kid. Good news. There's a better option. A company called Gab is tackling this with something they call tech in steps. Instead of handing a kid a full on adult smartphone right away, Gab offers safer phones and watches. Watches designed specifically for kids with no social media. Younger kids can start with GPS enabled watches so parents know where they are. And as they grow, they can move to phones with parent enabled apps. It's technology that grows with them while helping protect their mental health. The bottom line, Your child doesn't need a device built for adults. I absolutely love our Gab phone for my 12 year old. I can see where she is. She can call me. Others can call her if I approve them. Anytime she gets a text message that has a bad word in it, I see it.

[Jane Marie]

I don't have to monitor everything she

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

says, but when she's texting with someone and they say shut up, shut up, shut up, shut, shut up, shut up. Jerk. I see that Gab keeps kids connected. Without social media, I can't recommend Gab enough. If you're looking for a phone that makes parenting easier and gives you a little more peace of mind, check them out. Visit gab.comdream and use code dream for an exclusive offer. That's Gab G A B B.

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[Jane Marie]

Okay, we're back and we're swiping for Julia.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hello, Julia.

[Julia]

Hello.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Jason Manzouk is here.

[Julia]

Nice to meet you.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, we're gonna find her a husband.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Great.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Whoa.

[Jane Marie]

Here are some things to know about Jason. He is single, and despite being a modern man, he doesn't have his own Internet presence, like, at all. He currently uses zero social media. No dating apps, no Twitter, no Facebook, nothing. So he scouts out potential mates in the real world. I know, it's crazy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I run into people in the grocery store all the time, which I love. Cause here's the thing. If I'm gonna try and talk to a cute girl at the grocery store, I wanna be able to see what's in her cart. I always look in people's carts.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

You know if it's like full of

[Jason Mantzoukas]

eggs, just like all eggs. Because I'm allergic to eggs. All eggs. I would be like, oh, this person's coming for me.

[Jane Marie]

She's trying to kill me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I wouldn't even want to, like, shop near that person.

[Jane Marie]

What would be in the cart that would draw you to someone?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, boy.

[Jane Marie]

What have you seen where you're just

[Jason Mantzoukas]

like, boy, oh, well, if somebody had like two bags of cotton candy grapes, I'd be like, I'm on board for everything you are up to, lady. Two bags, you get it? Two bags of cotton candy grapes. Because she knows these are a varietal that is in season for a very short amount of time. So she's getting while the getting's good.

[Jane Marie]

I can only do like three or four of those at once. And then I'm like, oh, cotton candy stomachache.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Really?

[Jane Marie]

Yeah. Like, I can't dissatiate.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Cotton candy stomach grape. Nailed it.

[Jane Marie]

I can't dissociate the flavor from actual cotton candy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, really?

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, it's so funny. It very much feels like.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Have you tried any of the other candy candy?

[Jane Marie]

The teeny tiny ones?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The teeny tiny ones. Or the witch's finger ones? The long and weird ones?

[Jane Marie]

Those ones are too creepy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

They're super creepy that they're delicious. Welcome back to Grape Talk. I'm here with Jayne Marie. We're talking about grape varietals. You know, this is the two hour podcast where we break it down, sponsored by the Grapery. The grape True. Real name. Real name of the. Of the farm that puts out grapes. That put. No, they put out cotton candy grapes. Don't worry, I've been on their website.

[Julia]

Oh, God.

[Jane Marie]

Okay, so that's what you're looking for, is someone who has as much gets excited about cotton candy grapes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm looking for a cool, funny, intelligent, Busty Grape fan.

[Jane Marie]

I'm sure there's one.

[Audi Q3 Advertiser]

If you're out there.

[Jane Marie]

Ladies, I'M sure there's one listening right now.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

If you're out there, ladies, just hit me up on Jane's Twitter.

[Jane Marie]

All right, so let's talk to Julia for just a minute about Julia. What? Julia's looking.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Julia. Wearing an NPR1T shirt. Right?

[Julia]

He's such a door. Yeah. Yeah, I am.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Come on, Julia. Let's do this.

[Julia]

Yeah. All right.

[Jane Marie]

Julia, how old are you?

[Julia]

I am 34.

[Jane Marie]

Mm.

[Julia]

And I'm single.

[Jane Marie]

Since when?

[Julia]

For like a year and a half.

[Jane Marie]

Mm. What happened? Let's just get right to it.

[Julia]

Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. All right. Okay. Yeah. I was in a, like, three. Three years and some change. Long relationship. And so we were living in upstate New York, and we.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

Beautiful.

[Julia]

Yeah, it was great. I had a job there. Um, my boyfriend at the time had moved up there to be with me. Um, and he went to Seattle to go to his sister's wedding.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Never came back.

[Julia]

Yeah. Yeah, he never came back. He. And then he called. He didn't call me for, like, a week and a half, and then he called me and said, I'm not gonna be coming back.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

These are the moves that people make that are absolute insanity to me.

[Jane Marie]

It's a joke. It's a punchline. You know what I mean?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's a crazy move.

[Julia]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jane Marie]

And go and never come back. He went out for cigarettes, and I

[Julia]

was just like, well, I was like, I'll come to Seattle. Like, you don't have to come here. And he was. But at the. At the time, I was like. I was like, hey, you don't. Like. When he called me, he's like, I don't want to come back. I was like, well, by the way,

[Jason Mantzoukas]

just by your impression, I don't like it. Good riddance.

[Julia]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Good riddance. For a guy who's like. If you're with a guy who's like. Like you're with a baby.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're with a man baby. And that's nodding. That's not. I'm not interested. How was he? Your age? Older. Younger?

[Julia]

He was younger. He was younger than.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is a hard pass, honestly. He sounds like a dumb. Dumb, frankly. But also, some of the blame goes to you, Julia, because, like, he's too young to be ready for all of it.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He's too young to, like, move to a place. He's too young to be too young. I don't know how young he was, but, like, too young.

[Julia]

Yep.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

To be ready. He's like. Cause guys are straight up dumb.

[Julia]

Agreed.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, say more in that respect. Say more emotionally. Emotionally speaking.

[Jane Marie]

Julia is 5 10. She has medium length brown hair with these cute, soft bangs. We asked her about her physical type. What is she looking for?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You said specifically that you have a physical type, but I don't know that you've mentioned what it is.

[Julia]

I guess. Yeah, like, I would like some, like, defin. Physically. Like some definition, I guess, in the

[Jason Mantzoukas]

cat, but like, no, like a ripped gym rat. No, like a ripped up gym rat. Like shredded, bro. Like CrossFit, Jersey Shore, P90X gym, tan, laundry.

[Julia]

Don't do it.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

No.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How do you feel about bald dudes? Not bald dudes.

[Julia]

Preferably not bald. I like a head of hair. I would rather. I like a nice head of hair that I can put my fingers through.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. Beard. No beard.

[Julia]

No beard. Wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow.

[Jane Marie]

Ouch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I can't help but, like, take a real hit on that one.

[Jane Marie]

Are there deal breakers, though? So, like, sense of humor. Somebody who's like, game.

[Julia]

Who's game. Who's smart, who, like, is really into something that they do, like, whatever it is, if they're like really good at it. And they're just like nascar close up magic. Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are these two things you would say yes to?

[Julia]

Except for those two things.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, see, now we've got limits, right?

[Julia]

So, like, like, I dated an urban planner and that was, like, interesting because he, like, knew a lot about bike lanes and, like, would tell, you know,

[Jason Mantzoukas]

you're really putting this guy on blast.

[Julia]

Or, you know, just like. Like that to me, is attractive if you're just like. I'm good at this. And I can tell. Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

Men only. Yes.

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

Age range? 34. 32.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I would say 32.

[Jane Marie]

Okay.

[Julia]

I think 32 is, like, when men are fully realized.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Nope.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Guess again.

[Jane Marie]

Nope.

[Julia]

I'm doomed.

[Jane Marie]

For Jason's sake, I'm gonna go up to 44 for you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

44, sure. Yeah, yeah. I was gonna say 42. I was gonna say a 10 year, but 44. Great. Let's do it.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

You're great.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm 44. I'm terrific. But sadly, I have a beard,

[Interviewer/Co-host]

so

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I guess I'm not deserving of love. Julia.

[Jane Marie]

Okay, onto her photos. One of them we really liked. It was a full body shot of her in front of the Ferris wheel at Coney island, which was lovely, but then I can't even.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is this you and your dad?

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

It's not.

[Jane Marie]

Okay, but it's her and another man. You know, a young man. And it looks like it could be a boyfriend or something, or an ex. Or an ex boyfriend.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is it your ex?

[Julia]

Yeah, it is. What the fuck?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Julia, Julia, Julia, Julia.

[Julia]

No one knows.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The podcast starts now. The podcast starts now. I want to ask you a question, Julia. What on earth do you think you're saying to people other than here's a picture of me having obviously love chemistry with another man?

[Julia]

Yep. I did not think that that photo depicted that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's a fun. What do you think that. Why did you choose that photo?

[Julia]

Because I like skiing. I don't know, Julia.

[Jane Marie]

It feels like you're. Maybe not.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Then why didn't you crop him out? There's ample space to crop.

[Julia]

Oh, because it takes a lot of time to crop.

[Jane Marie]

No, it doesn't, Julia. Excuses.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm going to argue this is a defense mechanism. A real kind of like, I'm not gonna take this seriously because I would. I would think you weren't over this guy.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

If you're like, I have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I have six pictures to tell the world who I am, and one of them is with my ex boyfriend. Then you are somebody who is not over that boyfriend. You're saying one of the most. Here are the most important things to me. Adventure, fun, outdoors, skiing, dog park, blah, blah, blah. And this guy.

[Jane Marie]

Yep.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

He.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He is one of the most important things to you. He's one of the six things that you're telling the world is this guy and his dumb mustache. Can you zoom? I wanna. Oh, man. This dummy. This fucking dude.

[Jane Marie]

I don't like him. Oh, yeah. This is the one that wants to

[Jason Mantzoukas]

look how close he is to the edge. You could have cropped him out and still had so much skiing picture. And what are you. Julia, I want you to do some real private reflection, though, on whether or not you are ready for a relationship if this is what you're putting into the world.

[Julia]

Okay.

[Jane Marie]

All right, we're going to start swiping.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I like this guy. He's a bald. I don't care.

[Jane Marie]

I think he's cute too.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think. And he's outdoors.

[Jane Marie]

Outdoors fishing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What's he do?

[Jane Marie]

It says normal. If that's relative. Guy looking to go out and meet new people. With the future in mind. With the future in mind.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes. Swipe. Yes.

[Jane Marie]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Swipe. Yes. He basically is like. His description is like, I'm a normal guy. Which is basically what you said.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Except I'm not going to lie to you here, Julia. You're going to have to really wrap your mind around the fact that this dude is straight up bald and has a beard.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So you are fucked. But he's 42 and seems to have like a ripped up dad bod.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Yep.

[Jane Marie]

He's a filmmaker.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Great.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This guy gets a hard yes from me.

[Jane Marie]

Me too. A very hard yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Very hard.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Like rock hard?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like rock hard. Like cutting diamond hard. Yes.

[Julia]

Oh, he's. No, he's cute. Okay, he's cute.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All right.

[Jane Marie]

Boyfriend material. Okay, that's good. Great boyfriend material. He wants a serious relationship.

[Julia]

I make great French toast. That's great.

[Jane Marie]

He makes great French toast.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay. He's like a Brooklyn indie rock dude.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, right. But he says boyfriend material, which is what we need.

[Audi Q3 Advertiser]

Sure.

[Jane Marie]

We want.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But also like, that doesn't matter because

[Jane Marie]

there are people out there who think it's a match.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Fuck yes. Because here's the thing. There are gonna be guys out there who think they're boyfriend material, but are not gonna be for Julia. And there are guys that don't think they are and are gonna be won over by Julia. So I don't think you can. I don't think that's a thing.

[Jane Marie]

But I do want to go for people that are saying they were serious guys that mentioned if anybody is like

[Jason Mantzoukas]

expressly like looking for casual hookups. I think no swipey. But if they're. If they. I think if they are neither nor.

[Jane Marie]

Okay, keep going. What else do we have? Artist, designer. He really likes balloons.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, no, this is.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, he's a balloon artist.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, oh, oh, okay, then that makes more sense.

[Julia]

He's a balloon artist. That's a thing.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Wow.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you into it?

[Julia]

That's cute. Yeah, yeah, sure. That's like. So that's a cool job. I guess.

[Jane Marie]

Look, he's a balloon artist. Like a balloon artist.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Matches. I love it. I. Here's what I wish. I wish one of these pictures didn't have a balloon in it.

[Jane Marie]

This man is too sweaty. Very, very sweaty in there.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Your first picture can't be this situation. This is your shredded.

[Julia]

Oh my God, this is so funny. No, no, no, no. I want to see more photos.

[Jane Marie]

Oh, and it says, should I kick your ass in bowling?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[Jane Marie]

Yes, he should.

[Julia]

No, he's an artist slash poet. No.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That hat.

[Julia]

He's writing in this photo.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

No.

[Julia]

Oh my God. This is so.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

What?

[Jane Marie]

This is some of his art.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Guys, guys. No. This is a no. What are people up to? Crazy.

[Julia]

This guy's so crazy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What are this guy's like, this is. He put his profile together and that was it. Wowee. I mean, it's not like he put a picture up there with his ex boyfriend. In the picture.

[Interviewer/Co-host]

Julia.

[Julia]

Oh my God.

[Jane Marie]

So we get some matches, but we still hadn't really gotten to that thing. Julia struggles with how to be her authentic and honest self, about where she is right now in her life without guys getting all weird about it. Julia told us about her date with Ian, about how no one gets it, that she does want to go out dancing and she does want to make out and have sex and have fun, all while knowing it's leading somewhere, that making Stew and watching Netflix are also in the cards. Jason and I weren't on the same page about this at first.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I feel as though the question, what are you looking for? Is inappropriate for a first date. Oh. Because I don't. In the context that we're speaking of, which is a strange, like two strangers meeting for the first time for like a 90 minute walk around a neighborhood. You know what I mean? Like, I think at that point you're still strangers. You don't know. And so like, for you to say, for you to then like intimate, like, is this the thing that is forever?

[Jane Marie]

See, I don't take it that way. I take it as. I take it as like my intention is to find a partner. It doesn't necessarily mean it's you.

[Julia]

Yes.

[Jane Marie]

But I want you to know that I am the sort of person that wants to be in a long term committed relationship.

[Progressive Insurance Announcer]

That's.

[Jane Marie]

Cause you're a narcissist. No, I'm just kidding.

[Julia]

No, no, no. I think this is with.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How dare you?

[Julia]

No, but with all the guys that I've been talking to, I think that they think that I'm saying it with them.

[Jane Marie]

Right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And I'm like, that's what I'm reacting to. What I'm reacting to is if you were to ask me on a first date, could you see this working out forever? Which is like the tacit underlying point of that question.

[Jane Marie]

I don't think that's what it is, though. No, that's not the point.

[Julia]

No, it's not the point.

[Jane Marie]

The point is. The point is to find out. Well, and I know. And it's good to know that you're taking it that way. That's how information.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think a lot of information.

[Jane Marie]

I think that it's good to know that you're taking it that way so that we can stop. Maybe stop doing that.

[Julia]

Wait, you do that too? Jane, I do it too.

[Jane Marie]

I mean, I just want. I don't want to mess around. I don't want to waste my time.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And I agree with you in terms of you're saying, like, there are guys on there who are like, I'm poly or I'm not looking for. I don't think those are worth your time at all. But, like, if. I'm just saying if you're on a date with someone and you don't know where it's. On a first date, you don't know where it's going. And I also think, like, to ask of somebody to predict when they are going to be ready to settle down, when they themselves might not know. Julia might not know. Julia thinks right now she's ready to settle down, but she might still be four years from it. Like, she might still be working stuff out, working things through. I don't know. I'm just. I just feel like, do we ever know what we're looking for is imminent?

[Jane Marie]

No, Go ahead, Julie. I defend your position.

[Julia]

No, I don't. I think that that's true. We do not know. But I do know what I like, and I do like partnership. And that's something that's very clear to me. And I. And I. That's what I'm. That's why I'm going on dates. Like, why else would I be going on dates and, like, putting myself through swiping.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Right.

[Jane Marie]

And people have other reasons for going on dates. And so you want to make sure you're on the dates for the same reason. Like, you don't want to be going on dates and starting a relationship with someone who definitely doesn't want to ever

[Julia]

get married or just wants to have sex with you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But you might be losing some people who are like. You might be losing some people who are like, oh, I don't know yet. I just met you.

[Julia]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'm open to it, but we've literally only known each other two hours.

[Jane Marie]

Right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And are we going to be compatible enough to do what is a very difficult thing to put two individual lives together into a third thing, you know, And I think the. I think we can do ourselves a disservice by trying to tell new people the end of our story before we're actually telling the beginning of our story.

[Julia]

Wow. Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

My mind. Are you okay, Julia? I think you're right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And it's fear. It's all fear. Because you're afraid. What if I fall for this person and they don't fall for me?

[Julia]

So what you're saying is that I'm, like, at the beginning of another adventure and of, like, learning, and you're at

[Jason Mantzoukas]

the beginning of another adventure. But you're also in the middle of the whole game. You know what I mean? Like, you can look at it. You can look at it as, oh, I'm at the beginning again, which sucks, and I hate that. But you are not. You have not been reduced to zero. You are still in the middle of the longer game. You still now know. You know, so much cumulative information from the last three and a half years or whatever.

[Julia]

Yeah, yeah, no, I. Yeah, I agree. That's. That's probably. Yeah. And I think that I probably just need to, like. I think what you're saying is I just. Just should, like, chill a little bit and just, like, enjoy that process of, like, getting to know someone that I'm attracted to and not worry so much about, like, whether or not they're gonna fuck me over. Yeah, I am, like, worried about that. I just, like, don't want that to happen again. And so I think, yeah, I'm like, trying to be like, are you gonna run away from me? I guess.

[Jane Marie]

But you couldn't figure that out the last time on the first date. It took three years to figure that out. And so there's no way to know

[Jason Mantzoukas]

whoever the next guy that comes into your life is. If you are operating from the point of view of. You're looking for the warning signs of getting fucked over. Like you're. You not trusting him will feel palpable to him.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know, like, you're. Don't make the mistake of taking the very valid anxieties and worries that this experience has created in you and pouring those into some new guy, you know, who's not guilty of doing that to you. You know, just let it be what it is, which is sniffing each other out. It's basically, you're at the dog park sniffing each other's butts. That's all it is. So, like, get that nose in those butts.

[Julia]

It's hard not to have someone that you were not have, like, intimacy. Like, not have a best friend. Ish. You know, so it's like, that's what I miss. Right. So I miss. I miss that, and I think about that a lot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. No, life is better when you have a partner and when you have a teammate, you know, but also, I think as much as that is true, it is attractive to be someone who can stand strong on their own and has good friendships. Yeah. And has exactly. Whose friends provide them intimacy, whose family provides them intimacy. Someone for whom their life is complete in that respect. Well rounded in that respect and that. So, like, in other Words that the loss of that ex boyfriend, Dumb mustache. Let's call him that. The loss of dumb mustache hasn't left you at so much of a disadvantage because he shouldn't take up that much real estate.

[Jane Marie]

Right. There's not a deficit, you know?

[Julia]

Yeah, no, I know. So it's like filling up your life so that it's full.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Cuz here's the thing, is that what you are offering to someone is a full, rich life that you are living that you want them to live with you. Not a life that has a giant hole in it that you are looking for someone to fill. You know? Like, that can't be what? That can't be what's on offer. Like, in a way, oh, it's impossible. That's an inappropriate relationship. You know what I mean?

[Julia]

No, it's true. And that is probably. Yeah, that makes sense. Like, if my life is not full in that way that I am giving off that, like, please fill this hole, you know, like. Or like, please make me feel happy. Like I need someone to feel happy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I would argue maybe don't use the phrase please fill this hole. I mean, maybe on the third date. Third date.

[Julia]

Maybe I did say that. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Jane Marie]

Thanks for coming in and doing this, Jason. That was wonderful.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Was it too.

[Jane Marie]

It was so thoughtful.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Was I too. I'm concerned that I was too mansplainy.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

No, no, no, it was good.

[Julia]

It was good to get the other

[Jane Marie]

person I want to give him. And with that, we said goodbye to Jason and made a date to catch up with Julia a few weeks later to see how and if she's changed her ways at all. Hi.

[Julia]

Hi. Hi. It's Julia. Hi, Julia.

[Jane Marie]

We're connected now.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Here we are.

[Jane Marie]

Hang on one second. Okay. Okay, here I am.

[Julia]

Cool.

[Jane Marie]

Ready to go?

[Julia]

Oh, great.

[Jane Marie]

How are you?

[Julia]

I'm fine.

[Jane Marie]

After our conversation with Jason, Julia actually took some of his advice. She's saying yes to more dates. She's not projecting into the future every time she learns a new detail about a person. And in general, she's just trying to chill out a little bit more.

[Julia]

Right after that conversation, I went on Tinder and I started a conversation with someone and they said, hey, just to let you know, like, I just got out of a relationship, and so I might not be totally ready to, like, really date, but if you want to get a beer, like, let me know. And usually I'd be like, oh, cool, thanks. Never mind. You know? But then this time I was like, okay, fine. That's fine. And he's also Bi, Which I was like. I was like, not. I was, like, not sure. Like, oh, my God, that's the best

[Jane Marie]

thing that ever happened to me.

[Julia]

Yeah. Yeah. This guy's awesome. He was totally, totally cool in a lot of ways. It's just complicated. Like, he really is not, like, over his ex. He's still living with his ex girlfriend.

[Jane Marie]

Well, here's what you do know.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

That guy is not afraid of commitment. He'll stay with you even after, I

[Julia]

know you guys break up.

[Jane Marie]

She'll just stick around. What have you learned from producing this series about dating and love and relationships?

[Julia]

I don't know. You know what I've learned? No one knows what the hell they're doing. And there's like. It's like, people will give you advice and will, like, try to help you in the best way that they can, but in the end of the day, everything is so. So arbitrary and, like, random. Like, no one knows who they're gonna fall in love with. Even, like, what you think you like and your. What you think you're attracted to. It doesn't matter, like, all that much because when someone. When you meet someone you like, they could fit none of what you thought you liked before. None of that description. None of that.

[Jane Marie]

It's magic when it happens.

[Julia]

Yeah, it's magic. And it's like, really just, like, you can't really plot it out. You can't control it. And, like, there's. People have all these different strategies, and they have all these different ways that they've made it work. But, like, no one can tell you how it's gonna work for you. They can only tell you from their own experience.

[Gab Phone Advertiser]

Right.

[Julia]

You know, it all comes from a great place. You know, people want to help other people. People. And they want to tell other people how it worked for them.

[Jane Marie]

Yeah, people love love.

[Julia]

Yeah, people love love. People love it when other people fall in love. You know, people. I've. I've had relationships where, like, I've been walking down the street with someone and, like, we're so in love, and, like, people literally stop us and be like, you're so cute. And, like, give us, like, food, free food in restaurants. That happens. I had this convenience store guy, this, like, clerk at a convenience store, be like, oh, it's like being like, you have this very special thing, the way that he makes you laugh. And I was like, whoa. You know, it's like you get so much attention when you're in love. It's rare. It's also something that I've learned it's rare, but when it happens, it, like, feels so fucking good. You're like, finally, yeah, so I'll wait for that.

[Jane Marie]

The tricky and magical thing about love is that you can plot it all out in your head. The whirlwind romance, the house, the kids. But when it actually happens, it is a thing unto itself. And no one ever knows what that thing will look like or what it will do to your life until you're in the middle of it. You can go from wanting to be married and have children to saying, wait, no, this person's enough. This relationship as it is now is enough. Or you can meet someone and fall in love and get all those things you've been dreaming of, and then that person might go out for a pack of cigarettes one night and never come back. We are not in control of love, but it's comforting while we wait for it to happen, to imagine we are.

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[Jane Marie]

With my Sapphire Preferred card, we earned three times the points on gas, online, grocery and dining.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It was amazing.

[Jane Marie]

Chase Sapphire preferred the car that's preferred for a reason. Cards issued by JP Morgan, Chase bank and a member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply.