Hyperfixed Feed Drop! "Two Birds, One Hundred Stones"

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dream – Episode "Hyperfixed Feed Drop! Two Birds, One Hundred Stones"

Hosted by Little Everywhere

Release Date: August 8, 2025

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Introduction

In this compelling episode of The Dream, hosted by Little Everywhere, listeners are treated to a heartwarming and inspiring journey that intertwines personal dreams, familial bonds, and the power of perseverance. The episode, titled "Hyperfixed Feed Drop! Two Birds, One Hundred Stones," features a special guest, Alex Goldman, who brings his unique podcasting expertise to help resolve a deeply personal family story.

Guest Introduction: Alex Goldman and Hyperfix

Jane Marie, co-host of The Dream, introduces Alex Goldman, the creator and host of the podcast Hyperfix. Alex's show revolves around solving listeners' problems, both big and small, through thorough research and investigative storytelling.

Notable Quote:

Alex Goldman [03:00]: "If you've ever watched the 11 o'clock news and they've got the consumer advocate reporter who's like, you know, it's like John, it's on your side. That's who I think of myself as."

The Central Story: Kenan Tamblyn and Megan Banning's Unfulfilled Dream

The episode unfolds with Alex Goldman delving into the poignant story of Keenan Tamblyn and his mother, Megan Banning. Despite Megan's extraordinary career in film and television, she harbors a long-standing regret over her unfulfilled dream of becoming a songwriter and pop star in the 1970s and 1980s.

Megan's Musical Aspirations

Megan, a Second City performer in Toronto, had dreams of sharing her songwriting talents with the world. Encouraged by a house piano player to collaborate with Katie Lang, Megan recorded her songs but never received a response, leading her to abandon her musical pursuits.

Notable Quote:

Keenan Tamblyn [09:00]: "She was a massive Katie Lang fan. She saw her perform at the Cameron House, which is like a not very large music venue here in Toronto. She did a week-long residency and my mom was there every night, sitting in the front row by herself."

Kenan's Quest for Resolution

Driven by his mother's lingering passion and unspoken regrets, Kenan reaches out to Alex Goldman seeking assistance in restoring and sharing Megan's lost recordings. His goal is not only to honor his mother's legacy but also to help her overcome the fear and regret that have kept her music hidden.

Notable Quote:

Keenan Tamblyn [11:46]: "I feel like, yeah, me too, me too. She really felt as though she had something to say through these songs. And other than a handful of people, nobody's ever heard it."

The Journey to On Air Fest 2025

Alex Goldman takes on the challenge of integrating Megan's story into an upcoming live show at On Air Fest 2025. The process involves multiple stages, including technical hurdles, emotional conversations, and the relentless pursuit of bringing Megan's music to a broader audience.

Overcoming Initial Hurdles

The team faces logistical issues such as locating and restoring old cassette tapes and dealing with unforeseen obstacles like a snowstorm in Nova Scotia. Despite these challenges, their determination to see Megan's dream realized never wavers.

Notable Quote:

Alex Goldman [13:57]: "I'm the type of guy who has a reel-to-reel in his attic. It's because I'm cool. But I had a feeling he was wrong about something else, which is that I don't think that this project was entirely for his mom."

Megan's Emotional Reveal and Decision

After persistent efforts, Alex and Kenan arrange a call with Megan, who initially resists the idea of revisiting her musical past. However, through honest and heartfelt dialogue, Megan begins to open up about her deep-seated desires and the emotional toll of her unachieved dreams.

Notable Quote:

Megan Banning [27:25]: "I am a musician. By this point, I'd let myself down. When I didn't do something that I should have done, I didn't do something I was supposed to do. And it's a regret, but in my heart of hearts, I'm a musician."

Megan's Offer and Transformation

While Megan declines to perform herself due to personal insecurities, she expresses a heartfelt desire to have her songs performed by someone else. This willingness marks a significant turning point, symbolizing her readiness to embrace her past and share her art with the world.

Notable Quote:

Megan Banning [33:18]: "I would love to have someone else sing. Like to have my music heard and my song heard. That would be. I would die to hear that."

Technical Challenges and Triumphs

The episode chronicles the intense week leading up to the live performance, highlighting the collaborative efforts of the team to digitize Megan's deteriorating cassette tapes. With the help of local musician Rich O'Coyne, the team successfully restores the recordings, enabling the eventual performance of Megan's song.

Notable Quote:

Alex Goldman [43:18]: "The moment we hear them, it's like, look, I don't believe in destiny, but over the course of my life, I have experienced alignments that certainly felt like they were fate. I'm going to start crying."

The Live Performance: "Rooms" by Megan Banning

The culmination of the episode is a live rendition of Megan Banning's song "Rooms," performed by Eliza McLam. The performance is deeply emotional, resonating with Megan and Keenan as they witness her music finally being heard.

Notable Quote During Performance:

Eliza McLam (Performer) [44:18]: "Smoke filled rooms and lonely afternoons. Empty faces going nowhere places. Idle chatter as we gather at no-name bars. No introductions needed. I've been here before."

Emotional Aftermath

Post-performance, Megan expresses her gratitude and emotional relief, signifying a newfound peace and inspiration to rekindle her musical passion.

Notable Quote:

Megan Banning [48:27]: "What you've done is something, Eliza. Thank you. You did a great job, sweetheart. Really great."

Conclusion and Reflections

The episode closes with reflections on the transformative journey undertaken by Alex, Kenan, and Megan. Megan’s rediscovery and sharing of her music not only heal old wounds but also inspire her to return to her first love—music. The team's dedication exemplifies the essence of The Dream: overcoming obstacles to achieve personal and collective aspirations.

Notable Quote:

Alex Goldman [50:22]: "I'm running out of time. No, you're great. Thank you both so much for sharing this part. I'm gonna start crying again. Thank you both so much."

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Key Takeaways

• Pursuit of Dreams: Megan Banning's story underscores the importance of not letting fear and regret overshadow one's passions and dreams.

• Family Bonds: Kenan's unwavering support and dedication to his mother's unfulfilled aspirations highlight the profound impact of familial love and understanding.

• Community and Collaboration: The successful restoration and performance of Megan's music demonstrate the power of community support and collaborative efforts in overcoming challenges.

Notable Moments with Timestamps

• Introduction of Alex Goldman: [02:52]

• Megan's Initial Story: [09:00]

• Proposal to Megan: [13:57]

• Megan's Emotional Share: [27:10]

• Live Performance Begins: [44:18]

• Post-Performance Reflections: [48:27]

Final Thoughts

"Hyperfixed Feed Drop! Two Birds, One Hundred Stones" is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring power of dreams. Through authentic storytelling and emotional honesty, The Dream episode not only honors Megan Banning's musical legacy but also inspires listeners to support and pursue their own unspoken dreams.

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Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to The Dream: To receive ad-free episodes and exclusive content, listeners can subscribe for $5 a month.

• Join the Conversation: Engage with the community on Discord and access additional materials on the Hyperfix website.

• Support Independent Podcasts: The Dream is proud to be a member of Radiotopia from PRX, supporting independent, creator-owned podcasts.

Transcript

[Capital One Bank Guy]

Banking with Capital One helps you keep more money in your wallet with no fees or minimums on checking accounts and no overdraft fees. Just ask the Capital One Bank Guy. It's pretty much all he talks about in a good way. He'd also tell you that this podcast is his favorite podcast too. Ah, really? Thanks. Capital One Bank Guy. What's in your wallet? Term supply See capitalone.com bank capital1na member fdic.

[Howie Mandel]

There'S the part of me that everyone sees. I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian. Apparently I know what funny is. Funny bought me a house. But I also know what isn't funny. Ocd. I've lived with OCD my entire life and people throw the term around like it's no big deal. But OCD is severe, often debilitating. It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety. General therapy can help with some things, but for ocd, it can actually make things worse. That's why I want to tell you about NO cd. NO CD is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by Insurance for over 155 million Americans. Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD. If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to nocd.com to book a free 15 minute call. They are here to help.

[Jane Marie]

Heads up Dream listeners. Next Friday, August 15th, we're offering a subscription to this show. You'll get ad free episodes, bonus content, all kinds of, you know, the whole you guys listen to podcasts, you're not ding dongs. There will be a link in the show description. It's $5 a month which is 15 cents a day and that gets you ad free and bonus content. It helps the Dream stay independent and non reliant on ad sales. Money goes straight to us and helps keep us afloat. We've heard your complaints about the number of ads and now you'll have a chance to do something about it. The first piece of bonus content will be a conversation between the two of us about podcast advertising and how all of that works. There's also an ongoing ask me anything portion of the $5 tier that allows listeners to communicate and we're going to pop in there whenever we have time to answer questions. I'll just keep bothering you about this so you guys don't have to remember, but just get excited about it, okay? I'm Jane Marie and this is the Dream. We have a real Special treat for you today, which is you get to hear an episode of my friend Alex Goldman's show, hyperfixed. Alex, tell us about your show. What is your show and why, other than you're one of my favorite people, should our audience listen to this episode today?

[Alex Goldman]

I feel like that's enough sell. Like if they know that I'm your favorite person, what else do they need to know?

[Jane Marie]

I said one of.

[Alex Goldman]

I want you should listen. You should. Oh, oh, okay. So you had to, you had to play me like that, huh? Hyper Fixed is a show where listeners of the show write into me with problems that they have, some which are very small, like they're curious about a distant relative. We had a guy who wrote in because his great, great great grandfather received a medal for being the world's greatest mind reader. We had to figure out why he got that medal, what the circumstances were, and then other stuff that's really big. People have questions or trying to resolve relationship problems with relatives, people who are wondering whether they should have kids. Sometimes we try and answer those questions and you know, I'm fully willing to admit that I'm woefully out of my depth to be doing that kind of thing.

[Jane Marie]

But you go do the research.

[Alex Goldman]

Yes, I go do the research and I give my best, my best response.

[Jane Marie]

So you're a proxy sort of. I mean, like people, you're a private eye. You're like the guy that goes out and finds out.

[Alex Goldman]

The way I think of it is like, if you've ever watched like the 11 o' clock news and they've got the consumer advocate reporter who's like, you know, it's like, John, it's on your side. That's who I think of myself as.

[Jane Marie]

What was the one where the guy would like, do Timex watches stand up to this semi truck?

[Alex Goldman]

That was like a tabloid show. Yeah.

[Jane Marie]

But there was this one guy who was like the debunker of advertising claims in the 80s. He had brown hair. Whatever. I can look it up later. That's not important to what we're doing here.

[Alex Goldman]

But I used to work at. I used to host a show called Reply all. And we did a story once that took us where we were investigating consumer scams in England. And I found a television show that has dozens of seasons called Don't Get Done, Get Dom. And it's about a guy named Dom who goes and solves. Who goes and solves consumer problems for people so they don't get done, so to speak.

[Jane Marie]

And so you're Dom, but you're doing more than just consumer issues. People can come.

[Alex Goldman]

Yes, I'll do anything. As long as it's. As long as it's interesting. I'll solve any problem.

[Jane Marie]

So in today's episode, you were contacted by someone who wanted to solve their mom's missed opportunity at achieving the dream of being, like, a famous songwriter slash pop star. Yeah.

[Alex Goldman]

Yes. She. She was a songwriter in the 70s and 80s. She lived in Toronto and worked at Second City. Oh, so she, like. She was cool, all of this. She was very cool. And she, like, knows. She talks about all the people from Second City that have now become famous, like Eugene Levy and all of those people. She's just like, yeah, you know, I used to hang out with Eugene. He just seems so nerdy. He didn't seem, like, intimidating to me, even though he was kind of famous. And then she. She gave this cassette or reel to reel of. Of a performance of some of her songs to a friend of hers who knew Katie Lang and was like, all right, I'm handing this off to Katie Lange. And she just assumed she was going to become, like, a big famous celebrity. And her son Kenan got in touch with me and was like, she doesn't like talking about it. I don't know anything about this part of her life. Can you help me learn more about it and maybe help her not feel so afraid of this? Last week, Hyperfix performed our first live story at On Air Fest in Brooklyn. And in most cases, if we did a live version of a show, we'd probably re record the entire thing for broadcast. But in this case, the live aspect was simply not replicable in the studio. So we wanted to play you the story as it was performed at On Airfest. It's a story about regret, fear, and ultimately the courage it takes to just try. Here's the story. I am Alex Goldman. This is Hyper Fixed, our first ever live taping on this show. Listeners write in with their problems, big and small, and I solve them, or at least I try. And if I don't, I at least give a good reason why I can't. These words that I have just said to you are the words that start every episode of our show. And I like them because they provide the listener with a sense of calm and order. Like, Alex is here to solve problems. He's going to guide you from the beginning of the story to the end. Everything's going to be chill. But when I wrote those words a week ago, I had no idea if we were going to be able to pull off what we're attempting to pull off today. And if I'm being totally honest, I still don't know if we're going to pull it off. But there's only one way to find out. So this week, Two Birds, 100 Stones, a live podcast in six chapters. Chapter one, the first bird.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Okay, so I have my camera set up on a bunch of VHS tapes right now, and I'm going to use those to hold this thing up. So hold on.

[Alex Goldman]

Perfect. Why do you have a bunch of VHS tapes?

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Because I'm a giant nerd.

[Alex Goldman]

This is Kenan. He's a Toronto native. And if he is a nerd, he is the very best kind of nerd. He is a media nerd and not just the kind that obsesses over stats and trivia. Kenan is the kind of nerd that attends as much to the social world of the art as the art itself. He spent years working in record stores, concert venues. He has an insane collection of physical media. But there's one artist whose work continues to evade him, and that artist is his mother. Megan. What is your relationship with your mom like? Are you guys pretty candid with one another? Do you have an easy relationship? Is it difficult? Is it weird? What kind of relationship do you have?

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I would say it's all of those things.

[Alex Goldman]

That's totally fair.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Yeah, I love my mom to bits. She's been a very emotionally honest person my entire life. There's nothing that she really hides or holds back on when we have any kind of personal difficulties, like we can talk about it. She's not a very closed person. She doesn't hide things. So that's why I think that we have a great relationship.

[Alex Goldman]

But there is one thing that Megan has been reluctant to talk about. Her young dreams of being a songwriter over the years. Kenan's heard the story in bits and pieces, but the broad strokes of it go something like this. In the early 80s, Megan was a waitress at Second City in Toronto and she was writing songs. A friend of hers, Second City's house piano player, said, hey, I have this friend, she's a singer, songwriter. I guarantee she would love to perform your songs. Her name's Katie Lang. Let's record some songs. You can give her your tape. I'll put in a good word for you.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

She was a massive Katie Lange fan. She saw her perform at the Cameron House, which is like a not very large music venue here in Toronto. She did a week long residency and my mom was, was there every night, sitting in the front row by herself. Anyway, she has a cassette tape of her songs. And she handed that to K D Lange at one point and never heard back. It was gone after that.

[Alex Goldman]

Megan was so devastated by the apparent rejection, she sold her piano, she packed up all her music, and she charted a new career path for herself. Megan started working in film and television, and that's what she still does today.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

She doesn't need a megaphone. She's the person on set who is just saying like, and we're rolling. And she's five foot nothing and just commands everybody. She is in charge of the set and that's what she's like.

[Alex Goldman]

These are some photos of Megan from her on set stuff. This is her with Don Johnson, Bryan Dennehy, Rutger Hauer. For all intents and purposes, Megan has lived an extraordinary life. She's worked with tons of celebrities, Jason Priestley, Billy Zane, Gabriel Byrne, and she has a massive amount of insane stories about everyone from Leonard Cohen to Robin Williams. But Kenan has always sensed that somewhere inside his mother, there's still a person who longs to be a musician, or at least part of her that regrets that she stopped trying to.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Basically, she gave up on doing this after the tape. Didn't lead to anything. After Katie Lang never called her back, she just was like, fuck it, it's never gonna happen. I'm abandoning this completely.

[Alex Goldman]

That kind of bums me out.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I feel like, yeah, me too, me too. She really felt as though she had something to say through these songs. And other than a handful of people, nobody's ever heard it. And I truly feel like that lingers, it still lingers with her. So I wanted to bring her some resolution to this thing that she always wanted and never had.

[Alex Goldman]

Also, for a woman who sounds kind of brassy and willing to talk about anything, the fact that there is this one component of her life that she steadfastly refuses to talk about, it must feel like a gap, a knowledge gap in this person that you, I think, know pretty well.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Yeah, I have never heard these recordings, Never. They exist on a reel to reel tape that is sitting in a box somewhere. And then there's sheet music for all of them. All of the songs that I've never seen. I have memories of this one song that she did sometimes. It was about her friend. That's all I remember because we're going back over 20 years at this point, so I would love to see this tape get restored. And I have absolutely no. I have no knowledge of how to do that. It's a grimy old tape that Would need to be cleaned up.

[Alex Goldman]

So that's where Keenan reached out to me. He had an instinct that I could get his grimy tape cleaned up for his mom so she could hear her music again and be inspired. And he was right about one thing. I am the type of guy who has a reel to reel in his attic. It's because I'm cool. But I had a feeling he was wrong about something else, which is that I don't think that this project was entirely for his mom. Are you more interested in hearing this tape yourself or in her hearing it with you? I guess would be the way I would put it.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

That's interesting. I mean, I want to hear it because I've never heard it. So I'm definitely interested in hearing it for myself. But I guess I would say I am doing this for her as well. So I guess both. I would love to get her to talk about it more. It's one of the few things that she doesn't want to talk about very much, and maybe that's just because I haven't asked the right questions. I'm always hesitant to kind of bring it up also, there's not many reasons for it to come up in conversation necessarily.

[Alex Goldman]

Kenan told me his mother is coming to visit him in a couple days and that she'll be staying for a week. So the plan is for him to bring it up sometime while she's there. Are you worried about broaching this with her? Like, are you worried that it might upset her?

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Yeah, but I think that it's not going to be. I'm hoping that me saying, you know, what we're doing here. I tell her this story that might excite her. Like, I'm leaning more. I am worried, but I'm hopeful. I'm also worried. This is another major thing that I need to bring up. I'm worried that these songs are bad. I'm worried that there's a reason she didn't get signed, but I have no idea. I have vague memories of one of the songs that I remember sounding pretty good when I was a kid. But I'm like, all I know is that my grandmother truly believed in her.

[Alex Goldman]

How's your grandmother's taste?

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Oh, my nana was the best.

[Alex Goldman]

Do you worry about us recording this and then going to her and being like, hey, we talked about this deeply personal thing that you consider a failure in your life, and we want you to revisit that thing that you consider a failure. Do you worry that she's going to be like, what's your problem? Like, why. Why would you bring this up a little bit? I mean, like, you know her well enough. What do you think her reaction to this being revisited would be?

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I'm leaning more towards the side of this could potentially excite her. Um, I also think maybe she'll be like, well, I'll do this for my son. You know, I want to believe the reason that I haven't told her about it yet is just because, one, I wanted to have this conversation first, and two, I didn't want to necessarily have her shut it down right away. So I wanted to have something on paper to be like, I've already had this, like, interview with these people who are interested in talking about it, because she's somebody that, like, if I'll. I'll secretly record a video of her doing something ridiculous because she's a very funny person, and she'll be kind of embarrassed that I did that, and then watch the video, and she will kind of acknowledge that she is very funny in it.

[Alex Goldman]

So.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I think with a push, perhaps she will be on board. But I'm gonna have to tell her, and I've got a whole week with her. Like, this couldn't have timed out better. So we'll see.

[Alex Goldman]

My advice would be talk to your mom, and then I guess we'll just see what happens, you know, like, how she feels and if she's comfortable with it. And I would love to talk to it. I would love to at the very least hear the tape and see if it's salvageable.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

It's daunting, but I'm not afraid to ask the question, that's for sure.

[Alex Goldman]

Let her know that some strange guy from the Internet is interested in hearing her music. Chapter 2 the Second Bird so I didn't tell Keenan this because I didn't want to put any pressure on him. But while I was trying to help Keenan solve his problem, I was standing waist deep in a problem of my own, and I was beginning to wonder if Kenan could help me solve that problem. So back In November of 2024, I'd been contacted by the organizers of On Air Fest about doing something for the 2025 festival. And I said, of course. Because even though we'd only made two episodes of Hyperfixed at that point, and the team was only just starting to learn how to work together, the festival was four months away. Also, I have a policy of saying yes to everyone who asked me to do podcast stuff, unless they're fascists. So, anyway, I agree to do the show, and then I mean, you guys know what happens. November turns to December and we're like, we should probably start talking about On Air Fest. And I'm like, oh yeah, let's add it to the agenda for next week. And then next week turns into next week and that week turns into Christmas and Christmas turns into New Year's. You get it? And we were able to come up with a few decent ideas. And if you were eagle eyed, you might have even spotted the original idea we were going to do for this on the On Air Fest website. But between January and the beginning of February, every permutation of every idea we've had for the show has fallen apart. So by the time I hang up with Keenan on February 4th, which is what, today's the 20th. So that's for 16 days ago, my hands are empty. And if we can't find a story, we will have no choice but to stage our Doomsday option, which is titled On Air Fest Presents Alex Goldman Attempts to Make New Friends Honestly, even the thought of that makes me shudder. It's as bad as it sounds. The idea was that I would bring people from the audience on stage and become friends with them during the session.

[Eliza McLam]

Back to school is a time when routines reset and so does screen time. With all the pickups, practices and after school logistics, kids need a way to stay connected. But handing them a phone designed for adults with Internet access and social media, that's where the real concern begins. Teens already spend an average of 9 hours a day on screens outside of school. That's basically a full time job, just scrolling. The U.S. surgeon General says that kids who spend more than three hours online daily are twice as likely to experience depression and anxiety. And most of that time is spent on social media. It's staggering. Nearly half of teen girls and a third of boys say social media causes overwhelming stress. A quarter of teens say it makes them feel worse about their own lives. Here's the good GAB is doing something no one else is doing. Their approach, called Tech and Steps, offers safe, age appropriate phones and watches with no social media, no Internet browsers and GPS tracking built in. From young kids to teens, each device grows with the child child and helps build healthy tech habits. Bottom line, you don't have to give a kid an adult device this school year. Give them gab safe connection, no distractions. I can't recommend GAB enough. Use our code to get the best deal on something that gives peace of mind. Whether you're a parent, a guardian, or just someone who cares. Visit gab.com thedream and use the code the dream for a special back to school offer that's gab G A B B.

[Capital One Bank Guy]

Banking with Capital One helps you keep more money in your wallet with no fees or minimums on checking accounts and no overdraft fees. Just ask the Capital One bank guy. It's pretty much all he talks about. In a good way. He'd also tell you that this podcast is his favorite podcast too. Ah, really? Thanks. Capital One bank guy. What's in your wallet? Term supply. See capitalone.com bank capital1na member FDIC.

[Howie Mandel]

There's the part of me that everyone sees. I'm Howie Mandel, the comedian. Apparently I know what funny is. Funny bought me a house. But I also know what isn't funny. Ocd. I've lived with OCD my entire life, and people throw the term around like it's no big deal. But OCD is severe, often debilitating. It's a mental health condition that involves unrelented, unwanted thoughts that can make you question your character, your beliefs, even your safety. General therapy can help with some things, but for ocd, it can actually make things worse. That's why I want to tell you about NOCD. NOCD is the world's largest treatment provider for OCD and is covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans. Their licensed therapists specialize in ERP, the most effective treatment for OCD. If you think you might be struggling with OCD, go to nocd.com to book a free 15 minute call. They are here to help.

[Alex Goldman]

But I have another idea, and it involves Keenan. So two days after our first call, I shoot him an email to ask him if he has time for a quick conversation. Which brings us to chapter three, the first stone. One, two, three, four. One, two, three, Four. One, two, three, 4. Hi, Keenan. You are muted. You're gonna have to unmute yourself there.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Can you hear me now?

[Alex Goldman]

Yes. Amazing. Yes. At this point, Kenan's mom is at his house. She's just flown in from Nova Scotia. She's staying for about a week and the visit's going fine. But Kenan hasn't told her about the podcast yet, so he has snuck out into his backyard to talk to us. I'll keep this brief. And it's crazy. This is crazy. It is totally fine. If you're like, there's no way this is going to work. Okay, I just want to get that out in front of you.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I'm excited to hear it.

[Alex Goldman]

So I tell him the story I just told you about how I had Committed to this thing and then totally shit the bed. And about how I'm exploring alternative options for this live show, which is scheduled to take place in two weeks. And I thought maybe this is an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. And then I very tactfully ask him. I was wondering, considering your mom truly desires an audience, do you think she would, like, we could make this a story where in two weeks? The look on your face is mad skeptical. I can compose this story, and then at the end, she can come out and sing for us.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Oh, my God. That is.

[Alex Goldman]

I totally understand. Just think about it. No pressure. I know. That's, like, a crazy thing.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Do I want it to happen 100%? Do I think it could happen big?

[Alex Goldman]

Maybe.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I don't know. I don't think she's done it in years.

[Alex Goldman]

Again, totally fine. If this is not a thing that you. That is possible. I just want her to know that, like, if she feels comfortable doing it, I would love to give her the opportunity to sing the song she felt like she wasn't able to sing to other people. Oh, my God.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I. I will ask her. I'm still trying to think about how to broach this information to begin with, but I have a whole day with her today.

[Alex Goldman]

And again, I apologize, because I'm also putting pressure on you by doing this. I know this is nuts.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I mean, technically you are, but this is like, God, if this could happen, I would be, like, just over the moon.

[Alex Goldman]

But, yeah, it would be so cool.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Two weeks is like.

[Alex Goldman]

I understand. Yes, I understand.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I will talk to her today. I mean, I got to broach the story thing first. And then I'll. I will tell her.

[Alex Goldman]

Okay, let's see how it goes.

[Megan Banning]

Can you.

[Alex Goldman]

Can you hear the desperation in my voice? Can you hear it? It's so bad. Listening to that gives me secondhand embarrassment for myself. That's wacky. Okay. Chapter four, the First Bird, Part two. So a couple days later, we get an email from Kenan saying Megan's agreed to talk to us. And we're like, holy shit, this is gonna work. Megan's dream is going to come true. Kenan's going to get to hear his mother's music. We're not going to get banned from on Air Fest. And best of all, I'm not going to have to embarrass myself trying to make new friends in front of a bunch of strangers. Everything is coming up Goldman. And then we get on a video call with Megan, and without saying it directly, she very clearly conveys that she does not want to even be talking to us.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

You good, mom?

[Megan Banning]

Yeah, I'm really great, Keenan.

[Alex Goldman]

See what I mean? Now, under normal circumstances, this would have given me pause, because the last thing I want to do is force a spotlight on someone who genuinely wants to avoid attention, even if it means that I'm going to walk away from this with nothing to show for it. But Kenan cautioned me about his mom that while she may hate the idea of attention, once she warms up a bit, Megan actually kind of loves it. So all I had to do was warmer up. So I'm wondering, just to start, if you could introduce yourself.

[Megan Banning]

My name is Megan Banning. I am the mother of Kenan Tamblyn, who started this kerfuffle. I live in Halifax, Nova Scotia, which is a beautiful coastal town in Canada, and I'm here to visit my son.

[Alex Goldman]

And he's ruined your whole trip, right?

[Megan Banning]

Well, I wasn't in the door, like, I think it was, like, the first day, and I cried. And I don't cry very, very rarely. Oh, I was like, this is so personal. How dare you? And it was. It's a part of my life that breaks my heart because it was. It's a shoulda, coulda, woulda.

[Alex Goldman]

Right? Well, I want to. I, like, want to ask you about that. Like, how did you get interested in music?

[Megan Banning]

I came from a very dysfunctional home. My mother was bipolar. My father was an alcoholic. But we had love and music, and we danced when on a good day, we danced. But music was always a thing. There was a piano in our home. My mother tells a story. I just clung onto the piano and everything shut out. It was my piece, and I could play anything. I Playboy. I could hear everything. I could play, and I could write music Instantly. I went to another place. I went to a place that I was calm, and it was like I was in another world. It was my world. It was my music. I played every day, probably eight hours a day.

[Alex Goldman]

Eight hours?

[Megan Banning]

Yeah, I played. That's all I did is play music. Now I just play. Euchre Online.

[Alex Goldman]

For the next 45 minutes, Megan told me about her life and her music. She told me about her dreams of becoming a songwriter and about how when she didn't hear back from K D Lange, she decided it meant she wasn't good enough to be a professional musician. So she sold her piano, stashed the last of her recordings in nondescript boxes and drawers where she expected they'd stay until long after she died. Kenan would later tell me this was the most he ever heard his mom talk about her music. And even though it was clear that revisiting these memories was indeed very painful, for Megan, it also seemed like the process of actually doing that, sifting through these old, painful memories, it was almost liberating for her. It reminded me of that thing that Mr. Rogers used to say about how if it's mentionable, it's manageable. Like, as long as we can figure out a way to talk about it, we can figure out a way to carry it. And I think for Kenan, watching his mom talk so openly about her music also kind of freed him to talk about what the silence around this music has meant to him and why he started this whole thing in the first place.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I guess it mostly came from a desire to hear those songs, because my mom is a very, very open person, as you can hear. And this seemed to be one of the only things that she didn't want to talk about that much. And every time I said, can I hear those songs?

[Megan Banning]

No.

[Alex Goldman]

No.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

They were all. They're only on a reel to reel tape. And that's gonna take. I don't know how to clean that up. And I got the sheep. I don't know where it is. And I didn't know how much of this was true and how much was her holding back. And I thought maybe all this story is. Is my problem is that I need to get this tape restored, and that way I could present it to her, and. And then I could listen to it, and that was that. And then now the story has kind of become a lot more about her, which I love, because she has a story. I think that because this is one of the few things that she is hesitant to talk about, it seemed like a unfinished chapter of her life. And it could be a bit of a bookend to that story, but not necessarily the end.

[Megan Banning]

Yeah. Can I say. Let me tell you what this means to me. That my son, who I love to death.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

I'd hope so.

[Megan Banning]

Well, yeah, but I didn't under. I didn't get how much he knew how much it meant to me until he did this. I never thought it mattered to him. I didn't think he. To me, it was just something I did. I didn't realize that he paid attention to it. And when he said, mom, I got this about your music, I went, what about my music? Like, I cried. I was mad. Ask him. I was in tears. I can't talk about this. He said, can we talk? I went, no. It wasn't till today that I would let him talk about it because it's so personal, because it's when you let yourself down. When I didn't do something that was I should have done, I didn't do something I was supposed to do. And it's a regret, but in my heart of hearts, I'm a musician.

[Alex Goldman]

By this point, we'd been talking to Megan for over an hour and I feel like I understand everything that Kenan told me about his mom. This woman has not had an easy life. She's been knocked around, beaten down, but there's still so much fire inside of her. And yes, she spent decades carrying the weight of her regrets and fears, but I am a firm believer in the idea that it is never too late to change your life. And also, Kenan had told me that all his mom needed was a push. So I decided to push her. I say, Megan, I don't want to beat around the bush. You're a musician with songs that nobody's ever heard. And I'm a podcaster with an empty stage and an audience hungry for something that stirs their souls. Would you do us all the honor of performing your music live at on airfest in Brooklyn, New York?

[Megan Banning]

Oh, it's not happening. I'm not. That's never going to happen. I'm never going to be on a stage and sing my songs because A, I can't sing anymore. Like, I can't. Like I like my voice. I smoked fucking Marlboros.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Just cause you don't sing like K D Lang doesn't mean you don't sing.

[Megan Banning]

No, I don't want to fucking sing like her anyway. She's too twangy. Oh, fuck no. Just could not do that. But here's what I could do. I would love to have someone else sing. Like to have my music heard and my song heard. That would be. I would die to hear that. Yeah, I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about it. No, I mean it would be.

[Alex Goldman]

It'd be something if there was one song that we could get someone to perform. What song would that be?

[Megan Banning]

It's called Room.

[Alex Goldman]

Rooms, Megan told me, is a song about a feeling she had years ago after her then fiance broke off their engagement. It's about that singular kind of heartbreak you experience when you're born by yourself in the same spaces you used to share with someone you loved. When the volume of your sadness and anger is only outweighed by how much you miss being in a room with them. What would it mean to you for people to hear that music Would it mean anything at all to you now? Like, what would it feel like to have people in public hear that it.

[Megan Banning]

Would take you back to me back then? That if that young, I was never sweet? I can't say sweet. No. But that. That part of me that still exists to hear that music and die. And is it good? I mean, it could be shit. I mean, I haven't listened to it for so long, but I just know, heart in my heart, I know it's gonna.

[Alex Goldman]

Chapter five, 99 stones. Okay, so we've spoken to Megan. She's told us she wants to do this. And that when she gets back to Halifax on Tuesday, she's going to send over the sheet music and the cassette. And all of this is great. We say goodbye, we hang up the call, and then all we can do is wait and pray that at some point between now and then, Megan doesn't change her mind. Because if she does, we have no backup plan for this live show and no time to figure out an alternative. And if you think I'm simply. I'm mentioning this simply for the sake of ramping up narrative tension, one, you're right. Two, let me remind you, this woman has not let anyone hear her music in nearly four decades, including her son. And now we're expecting her to turn over the only recordings via snail mail to a bald stranger whose end game is to share it with the world. So, needless to say, I did not sleep well on Monday of last week. I spent the evening imagining what the organizers of On Airfest would do with this programming slot if I failed to fill it. My most fantastical idea would be that there would be an Alex Goldman effigy contest, during which the most realistic Alex Goldman would be strung up right there in the main hall so attendees could take turns beating it like a pinata. Tuesday. When I wake up on Tuesday, I set about finding a singer. I don't know a lot of musicians in New York, so I texted my friend Eliza McLam, who lives in LA. Eliza is a musician and a podcaster. She hosts a podcast called Binchtopia. But her voice, guys. Her voice, it's somehow delicate and cuts right through you. She sounds like she could sing you a lullaby and eat you alive simultaneously. And honestly, she would have been a perfect for this. But I was hoping she could recommend someone in the city. And when I got in touch with her, she told me she had actually just moved to the city. And immediately I'm like, oh, this is meant to be. So I got on my knees and I started begging and she was like, calm down, dude. I'd love to sing Megan's song. And I'm like, great. As soon as I get the music, I'll send it over. We check in with Kenan throughout the day. Kenan checks in with Megan, but by 7:30pm, there's still no news. Megan's told Kenan that she knows exactly where the cassette tape is, but that the sheet music might take a bit longer to find. And as for the reel to reel, which contains the only copies of the studio recordings Megan made for K D Lange, that was completely mia. So we agree to circle up on Wednesday morning.

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[Howie Mandel]

I can't tell you how often I hear, oh, I'm a little ocd. I like things neat. That's not ocd. I'm Howie Mandel and I know this because I have ocd. Actual OCD causes relentless unwanted thoughts. What if I did something terrible and forgot? What if I'm a bad person? Why am I thinking this terrible thing? It makes you question absolutely everything and you'll do anything to feel better. OCD is debilitating, but it's also highly treatable with the right kind of therapy. Regular talk therapy doesn't cut it. OCD needs specialized therapy. That's why I want to tell you about no cd. NOCD is the world's largest virtual therapy provider for ocd. Their licensed therapists provide specialized therapy virtually and it's covered by insurance for over 155 million Americans. If you think you might be struggling with OCD, visit nocd.com to schedule a free 15 minute call and learn more. That's nocd.com.

[Alex Goldman]

Wednesday Wednesday morning, there's good news from Keenan. The sheet music and the cassette have been located. But the sheet music is just piano chords. The lyrics were written by hand. Megan has no way to play the cassette and. And. And there's a huge snowstorm coming to Nova Scotia, so we scrap the idea of sending this stuff through the mail. Kenan starts calling audio nerds in Halifax, looking for someone capable of converting a cassette into a digital file they can send to us. Obviously, this is not an ideal situation, but then again, none of the work we've done on this project is ideal. And yet it is starting to feel like we have inadvertently assembled a small army of people who are deeply invested in the outcome of this operation. Like, within hours, Keenan has made contact with a legendary local musician named Rich o', Coyne who has the gear to get the job done. And Rich is like, yes, bring me your tired, your poor, your busted tapes. I will convert them and then we can get them to Eliza. But due to the storm, nobody is able to get over to Riches until Thursday. At 7am on Thursday, Keenan texts to say that the tape is on its way to riches. And at this point, we are exactly one week to the day from our show at On Airfest. And the organizers of On Airfest have started sending us follow up emails reminding us that our script and our clips and our photos are due by Friday, AKA tomorrow. But the thing is, we don't have any of that stuff, because this whole story hinges on a single song, a song we've never heard. And at this point, there's a pretty good chance we never will. Because remember this tape that's heading to Richard's? It's nearly 40 years old and it's been hiding at the bottom of a box filled with all kinds of other shit. And there's really no telling what kind of condition it'll be in when it arrives or if it'll even be salvageable. So when Rich sends this photo of the cassette, our hearts sink. The tape is visibly bent, twisted up inside the cassette's plastic casing. And as I'm looking at it, there's a brief moment where I wish I had quicksand near my house. Then I could just take a walk and end up accidentally buried up to my collarbones and explain to passerby that unfortunately, I will not be able to attend the on Air Fest 2025, the premier festival of sound and storytelling featuring intimate conference conversations, performances and live podcasts. Because I'll be here in quicksand. Anyway, about an hour later, the thought evaporates completely because Rich, he goes in manually, re reels the tape with the kind of care and precision one might expect from a man who's deactivating a bomb. And by noon, we have digital copies of Megan's songs in our inbox. And the moment we hear them, it's like, look, I don't believe in destiny, but over the course of my life, I have experienced. I'm going to start crying. But over the course of my life, I've experienced alignments that certainly felt like they were faded. And when Megan sent music to my friend Wisa, I felt like I was in the middle of one of those things where 100 crazy elements suddenly and inexplicably aligned precisely the way they were meant to. So without further ado, I'd like to invite Eliza McLam to join me for the sixth and final chapter of our show, the song Rooms by Megan Ban.

[Eliza McLam (performer)]

Smoke filled rooms and lonely afternoon. Empty faces going nowhere places Idle chatter as we gather at no name bars. No introductions needed. I've been here before.

[Alex Goldman]

Nowhere.

[Eliza McLam (performer)]

Once forgotten. Nowhere once forgotten. Well, I'm ambling on and it's all gone wrong? Cause I'm missing you? I'm missing you? I can't complain it's been a gambling game? I'm just a few cards short so I'll wrap myself up in your memory Just to get me through the rough spots I'll lift my glass to survival? Meanwhile I'll be missing you.

[Alex Goldman]

You?

[Eliza McLam (performer)]

Whoa, I'll be missing you?

[Megan Banning (original recording)]

Whoa, I'll be missing you.

[Eliza McLam (performer)]

Smoke filled rooms and lonely afternoon Empty faces going nowhere places Idle chatter as we gather at no Name Bar. No introductions needed. I've been here before.

[Alex Goldman]

Thank you so much. Thank you. So what you're hearing right now is the recording from a boombox on top of a piano from 1983, I think.

[Megan Banning]

So.

[Alex Goldman]

What you don't know is that Keenan and Megan have been watching via a Zoom call, which is being held by my producer, Sari, this whole time. So I'm wondering if I could just bring the phone up real quick. Yeah. Yep. Hey, guys, how you doing? Hold on a second. I'm gonna put you on speaker. No, I don't know how to put you on speaker. Can you help? Oh, yeah, you have to unmute yourselves. Can you unmute yourselves real quick? Can we bring the music down? The house music down.

[Megan Banning]

Hi.

[Alex Goldman]

Hey, guys. How you doing? What did you think?

[Megan Banning]

That was something, Eliza, thank you. You did a great job, sweetheart. Really great. Keenan's breaking my heart. He's on Zoom. He's in Toronto. I'm in Nova Scotian. To see his sweet little face, we both broke into tears. And thank you. For someone who I was like, this is not happening. Really quite something. And Alex and all your team, I appreciate it. It was a bit much pulling this off in a week, going into Blizzard and finding all this memories 40 years ago of stuff I never thought would happen to and the fact that there's people that are hearing this Song. I mean, I got five more. They're even better, by the way.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Very much like her to say something like that. There's more and they're great.

[Megan Banning]

And Rich Coin, who helped me out. This strange man. I just ran up and said hi. And a blizzard. Here's a tape. Good luck, Chuck. Bye. And ran off.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

He happened to live five minutes away from her, too.

[Megan Banning]

Five minutes away and he wasn't home. It's like, keenan, this is enough. It says, I snowstorm. I'm in olive oil. She's wand. Really? Alex, you convinced me. I was like, this is not happening. Like, it's. It's a lot. And I am blessed. And the love of my son who remembered and kept the memory of my music and remembered because I forgot it was in a box in the basement that I spent four hours looking for. And it's been quite an experience. You know, that poor 23 year old that wrote it so many years ago. So what has inspired me is I'm gonna go buy myself a keyboard and get back to my music, because I'd love to play the piano, but the music is still in me.

[Alex Goldman]

All right, guys, well, I'm gonna hand you back to Sari because I'm running out of time. No, you're great. Thank. Thank you both so much for sharing this part. I'm gonna start crying again. Thank you both so much. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for coming. Stay tuned to the end of the credits to hear Megan Banning's original recording of Rooms from the early 1980s. It's really beautiful. You gotta check it out. This episode of Hyperfix was produced by Emma Cortland, Amor Yates, Sari Safra, Sukanek, and Tony Williams. It was edited by Emma Cortland with some help from the rest of us. It was engineered by Tony Williams. The music was by me, with the exception of Rooms by Megan Banning, which was performed by Eliza McClam. You can find Eliza's music wherever you listen to music. Her debut album, Going through it, came out last year and it's amazing. She's the best. Seriously, go listen to it. Special thanks to the team at on airfest for helping us perform this show to a live audience. Mandana Mofidi, Scott Newman, Efrem Jenkins, Tom Tierney, Paul Cuchero, Obiz Cruz, and Andrew Brown. Special thanks to Rich Okoyne, who digitized Megan's tapes Just under the Wire for us. If you want to see Pictures of young M3 Gan with celebs and other visual components for the episode, we're going to make those available to premium members on the Hyperfixed website. You can become a premium member to see that as well as get bonus episodes. Join our discord and much much [e-mail] join HYPERFIXED is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a network of independent, creator owned, listener supported podcasts. Discover audio with Vision at Radiotopia fm. Thanks so much for listening. Stay tuned for Rooms.

[Megan Banning (original recording)]

Smoked, filled rooms and lonely afternoons Empty faces going nowhere places idle chatter as we gather at no Name bars no introductions needed cause I've been here before Nowhere once forgotten Nowhere once forgotten well I'm rambling on and it's all gone wrong Cause I'm missing you Whoa I'm missing you I can't complain it's been a gambling game I'm just just a few cards short so wrap myself up in your memory Just to get me through the rough spots I'll lift my glass to survival Meanwhile I'll be missing missing you.

[Megan Banning]

Whoa.

[Megan Banning (original recording)]

I'll be missing you oh I'll be missing you Smoked, filled rooms and lonely afternoons Empty faces going nowhere places Idle chatter as we gather at no Name Bar. No introductions needed cause I've been here before.

[Capital One Bank Guy]

Banking with Capital One helps you keep more money in your wallet with no fees or minimums on checking accounts and no overdraft fees. Just ask the Capital One bank guy. It's pretty much all he talks about. In a good way. He'd also tell you that this podcast is his favorite podcast too. Ah, really? Thanks Capital One bank guy. What's in your wallet? Term supply. See capital1.com bank Capital One NA member.

[Alex Goldman]

FDIC Beth, you're in charge of ordering the tacos for the meeting today. Yeah, I'm not going to order the tacos.

[Megan Banning]

What? I'm going to Easy Cater the tacos. With Easy Cater, you can order from a huge variety of restaurants, track expenses and save time.

[Alex Goldman]

Nice.

[Megan Banning]

Oh, by the way, you're emailing the meeting notes, right?

[Alex Goldman]

No, I'm going to easy mail them. Where's my music?

[Megan Banning]

Sorry Ben, there's no Easycater for that.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Easycater, the Easy way to Order Food for work.

[Alex Goldman]

Order [e-mail].

[Keenan Tamblyn]

Acast powers the world's best podcasts.

[Eliza McLam]

Here's a show that we recommend.

[J]

Hey guys. Welcome to Giggly Squad, a place where we make fun of everything, but most importantly, ourselves. I'm Paige Desorbo. I'm Hannah Berner. Welcome to the squad. Giggly Squad started on Summer House when we were giggling during an inappropriate time, but of course we can't be managed. So we decided to start this podcast to continue giggling. We will make fun of pop culture news. We're watching fashion trends pep talks where we give advice, mental health moments and games. And guests listen to Giggly Squad on ACAST or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Keenan Tamblyn]

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.