Cosmo's Charm School with Cosmo Queen of Melrose

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Dylan Hour with Dylan Mulvaney – Episode: Cosmo's Charm School with Cosmo Queen of Melrose

Release Date: April 23, 2025

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Introduction

In this vibrant episode of The Dylan Hour, host Dylan Mulvaney welcomes one of her favorite online personalities, Cosmo Queen of Melrose. The episode titled “Cosmo's Charm School” delves deep into Cosmo's eclectic life, blending fashion, personal struggles, and intriguing tales from her past. As always, the conversation is rich with humor, heartfelt moments, and invaluable insights, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike.

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Meeting Cosmo Queen of Melrose

The episode kicks off with Dylan expressing her admiration for Cosmo, stating, “we have potentially one of my favorite humans I've ever found on the Internet” ([02:07]). This sets the tone for an engaging and candid conversation as they embark on Cosmo's Charm School journey.

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Fashion and the Melrose Empire

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around Cosmo's passion for fashion and her long-standing presence on Melrose Boulevard. Cosmo explains, “the boutique has been on Melrose for 30 years and everything is specialty and custom made, so there are no repeats” ([10:34]). She highlights her unique approach to design, emphasizing one-of-a-kind pieces that reflect her vibrant personality.

Key Highlights:

• Collaborations and Unique Designs: Cosmo showcases her collaboration with Russian designers Eugenia and her mother, leading to exclusive pieces like the “Cosmos Pink Coconut Protege” mocktail ([02:36]-[09:35]).
• Innovative Fashion Concepts: From snake-themed couture to shoe-pants hybrids, Cosmo's designs push the boundaries of conventional fashion, adding a playful and avant-garde twist to her creations ([09:38]-[10:36]).

Notable Quote: “Everything has kind of a theme. Everything is, like, one of a kind. So we love this piece because we love the side cleavage and then also butt cleavage and Just cleavage, cleavage, cleavage.” – Cosmo Queen of Melrose ([09:50]-[10:00])

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Tales from the Mob and Personal Struggles

Cosmo opens up about her turbulent past, intertwining stories of mob connections with personal battles against addiction. She narrates her experiences with the mob, stating, “my father was in the mob” ([21:57]), and shares how these ties influenced her life and career.

Key Highlights:

• Mob Connections: Cosmo discusses growing up in Harlem within a mob-related family, providing a glimpse into the challenges and privileges that came with it ([22:12]-[22:53]).
• Battling Addiction: She candidly recounts her struggles with drugs and multiple stints in rehab, highlighting the transformative journey toward sobriety ([32:25]-[38:42]).

Notable Quote: “Whatever hurt me then made me stronger. Maybe the character that I am today.” – Cosmo Queen of Melrose ([24:54]-[24:58])

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Rehabilitation and Redemption

A poignant segment covers Cosmo's path to recovery. She details her time in rehab, the support she received, and how fashion played a role in her healing process. Cosmo emphasizes the importance of self-care practices like prayer and meditation in maintaining sobriety.

Key Highlights:

• Rehabilitation Journey: Cosmo shares her experiences in various rehab centers, including unconventional stories like her brief appearance on Cops and interactions with celebrities like Lindsay Lohan ([29:54]-[32:43]).
• Maintaining Sobriety: She discusses strategies for staying sober while enjoying social interactions, advocating for balance and self-awareness ([38:22]-[38:49]).

Notable Quote: “I got sober to have fun, girl. I didn't get sober. I was in closets, girl, many years looking on the floor for, you know, just wasted Christmases and birthdays.” – Cosmo Queen of Melrose ([38:22]-[38:42])

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Storytelling and Personal Growth

Dylan expresses her desire to harness Cosmo's storytelling prowess, aiming to enhance her own narrative skills. Cosmo offers insights into effective storytelling, emphasizing authenticity and reading the room’s vibe.

Key Highlights:

• Art of Storytelling: Cosmo advises on connecting with audiences by understanding the room and presenting genuine experiences ([25:09]-[25:19]).
• Personal Development: The conversation touches on personal growth, resilience, and the impact of one’s past on their present self ([24:48]-[24:54]).

Notable Quote: “Everybody comes with, like, do another record or, like, get another foot, you know, win that football game or. You know what I mean? It’s like, you have to do another song.” – Cosmo Queen of Melrose ([27:25]-[27:40])

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Segments: What a Girl Wants and Overshare

The episode features two interactive segments that add a dynamic flair to the conversation.

1. What a Girl Wants: Cosmo shares her desires, focusing on personal goals like getting in shape and giving back to the community. Dylan complements Cosmo’s aspirations, highlighting her inspirational influence.

   Notable Quote: “You make me feel like I can be whatever the fuck I want to be, and I can present any way that I want, and I can wear what I want.” – Dylan Mulvaney ([40:00]-[40:22])

2. Overshare – Lightning Round: A rapid-fire session where Cosmo answers a series of quick questions, revealing her preferences and quirky opinions. This segment showcases her playful side and deepens the listener’s connection to her personality.

   Sample Questions and Answers:

   • “Favorite designer of all time?” – Halston ([42:36]-[42:38])
   • “Best gift you've ever received?” – This interview today ([43:15]-[43:17])

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Final Reflections and Farewell

As the episode wraps up, Dylan and Cosmo reflect on the transformative power of fashion and personal experiences. Cosmo shares her continued commitment to sobriety and her aspiration to inspire others through her work.

Notable Quote: “I feel like this outfit, when it walks into a room, it says, I have sex at least three times a week.” – Dylan Mulvaney ([15:28]-[15:35])

Dylan expresses heartfelt gratitude, stating, “You have been one of my all time favorite guests. This might be my all time favorite outfit I've worn on the show.” ([49:22]-[49:28])

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Conclusion

The Dylan Hour's episode with Cosmo Queen of Melrose is a captivating blend of fashion, personal anecdotes, and inspirational dialogues. Cosmo’s charismatic presence and honest storytelling offer listeners a profound look into her multifaceted life, making this episode both entertaining and enlightening. Whether you’re a fan of high fashion, intrigued by intriguing life stories, or seeking motivation for personal growth, this episode delivers on all fronts.

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Where to Find More

Listeners can follow Cosmo Queen of Melrose’s fashion ventures and connect with her through her websites:

• Cosmos Glam Squad on Melrose
• Cosmo and Donato on melrose.com
• Shoe Whore on LA

Stay tuned to The Dylan Hour for more engaging conversations and insights with fabulous guests from diverse backgrounds.

Transcript

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Hey there. We hope you enjoy the Dylan Hour. If you love the show, there's an easy way to support it.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

After you listen, take a quick moment to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. It really helps more awesome listeners like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You discover the show. Thanks for your support and enjoy the episode.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Hi, everyone. I'm David Duchovny. Join me on my podcast, Fail Better, where we use failure as a lens to reflect on the past and analyze the current moment. I. I speak with makers and performers like Rob Lowe, Rosie O'Donnell and Kenya Barris, as well as thinkers like Kara Swisher and Nate Silver, to understand how both personal setbacks and larger forces impact our world. Listen to Fail Better wherever you get your podcasts. Lemonad.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

In your car, in the shower, on a walk through the Dylan Hour. Feeling sweet, feeling sour. I feel nothing. The Dylan Hour. My couch is open. It's better than therapy. All you soccer moms, all your theys and thems, all your bottom boys, My bisexual femmes, come one and all disassociate with me. It's free. Grab a drink or two or three. You have no friends. All good. You got me.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

It's the deal. An hour.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Love you. Class is in session here on the Dylan Hour today. Is this an okay time? Because we have potentially one of my favorite humans I've ever found on the Internet. I have done such a deep dive on this person. There's so much lore. And when I was preparing for the episode, I was like, I want to learn anything and everything that this person can possibly teach me. And so I was like, you know what? We're going to charm school today. And it is Cosmos Charm School, because today's guest is no other than the iconic Cosmo Queen of Melrose.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Welcome. Cosmo School is open.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

School is open. Oh, my God. It's happening. How are you?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Good. How are you doing?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, I'm so happy. I feel like a little. Well, you walked in here and you said I looked 12, and that was the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, maybe 13. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm starting orange and petite.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

My chest is growing.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Amazing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Now tell me we have a little cocktail for you, but it's a mocktail.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I love a mocktail.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, she's sober.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

She's queen and sober. Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

We're calling it Cosmos Pink Coconut Protege.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

It goes with the outfit and the hair.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Because I'm your protege today, let's do first sips. First sips.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes, girl.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, that's nice, honey. It's giving.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Like, this is delicious.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's giving. Bora Bora.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Oh, it's amazing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's giving like on an island in the sun. You know that one?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No. Okay, two more. Two more. Give me a few more bars.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

We'll be playing, having fun, and I'll make me feel so fine I can't control my brain.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Who sings that?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Weezer.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Oh, okay, I missed that one.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But okay, let's talk bitters and sweets after. Now that we've had our first sip. Cosmo bitter and sweet of the week. My bitter is that I feel like LA is not what it used to be. I like, LA is not hitting the same way that I want it to, but my sweet is that it's. If anyone can get me back on the LA train, it's you.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Oh, my God. You are way too kind. Thank you. Oh, my God. What's bitter and sweet for you, girl? Okay, so listen, tell it. Okay. It's bit bitter is I just came from New York City, where I'm from. Okay, okay. And I went there after Covid and I was done with New York. I'm like, new York is trash. I don't ever want to see New York again. But they just flew me out to do a campaign, which is quite glamorous. But New York City is clean. Like, somebody literally lifted the city and scrubbed it. There wasn't like, who was it? Maybe the dolls?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

The doll? You think the dolls are on our.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Hands and knees, but we're scrubbing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's what we're doing.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Josephine, the plug. No.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Only fans.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, just scrub brushes, girl. Yes. With that skirt on. Yes. And no panties. But anyway, I can see that now.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Now. Okay, so that was. Was you going to New York a bitter or a sweet?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So I thought it was going to be like a bitter, you know, because, like, New York's not New York anymore. Like when I lived there in the 80s and 90s and stuff, and the village was the VI was fashion. And then I went there with my sister after Covid and like, there was none of that going on. It was like, really just dark and nobody was dressing in fashion. It was filthy dirty, you know, kind of like la. Yeah. And. But now it's clean. It's amazing. I'm like. I'm walking through Fifth Avenue like they're playing ping pong.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Does it make you want to move back?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I want to move back.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, shit.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I want to. I do love la. That's the suite. Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Queen of Melrose. But now maybe Queen of Manhattan.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I love Melrose. I still love Melrose. I've been there 30 years.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

On the record. Yes, we still love Melrose.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, we still love Melrose. You know, that's why, you know, the fame came, because I wanted to bring Melrose back.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I think you did.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Well, I brought my store back, but this still needs a little help.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Can't speak for anyone else.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So it still needs support over there. I'm telling you, children go to Melrose. It's a fabulous place.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, so the suite is that New York is clean because the dolls have been scrubbing it.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes. Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Your bitter of the week.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

The bitter. My ankles. They are now cankles. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think you look amazing.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. Thank you, sweetie. Thank you, thank you, thank you. No. So I went to New York, and then I go to my sister. It's a big Italian thing, right? And we were going to go visit the Mob Wives because I'm going to be on their show. They're going to air it in a few days.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, my God.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So we're going to Staten island. The whole, like, all the Mob Wives, like, my sister is a mob wife. And we were all going to get together and make meatballs and sausage and a sauce on Sunday. So my sister did that. But I did tell her every time I go there, if you go to Italian House, there's always, like, pepperoni and bruto and all this salty stuff. And she goes, I'm not going to get that. She goes, because I know you're not going to be able to fit in your shoes, Cosmo. You got to walk around Manhattan. Long story short, I go there and her friend Kim comes over with the pepperoni. Brought the meat.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Brought the meat.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. She.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

She always does.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

She bought the sauce. She always does.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I know she didn't get the text chain that said, don't fucking bring me Cosmo's ankles.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

She didn't get the fucking memo. Anyway, so we got. That was this Mob Wives. It was Sunday dinner. It was amazing. We all connected, and I just felt like that love for New York is, like, back. Like New York's back. So. No, I do want to stay in la, because I love la.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I love where I live. But I wouldn't mind having a little bit more time.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Maybe a little petit terre, as they call a little chateau, a little boutique. What part of town would you live in? In. In New York, do you think?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

In New York? Well, I lived in Queens, but I would definitely want to get a place in Manhattan for sure.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What. What part of town?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

For sure? The Village.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Such a Vibe.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

The Village is still the Village. It's always going to be like, the vibe is amazing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But the influencers are taking over a little bit there. Lot of blondes making video content in the Village.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Watch out.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

They don't even look like they're from New York. Like, you don't see any dark hair. You're like, where are you from?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Speaking of fashion in boutiques.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You have brought me an outfit. I brought you a little something to try on. And so I think this is step one of Cosmo's charm school classes and session. So step one is the look.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Now talk us through while I strip down. Do you have, like, a strip song for me? Could you give us a little.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

We could just do the regular naka. Yes. Queen. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I did say I'm gay, but I would probably hit that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How many times? How many times?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Probably twice.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. Three times for me.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes, yes. And then I'll take your husband. But anyway. But I'll give him back. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

In the same day. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm now getting naked, which I'm a very comfortable nudist.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I love that. Could I get naked, too?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No. But can we do the next show?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

We'll do the next show.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So talk me through. Let's see.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay, this is a little something. It's a collab because Eugenia and her mother are designers from Russia, and they. So amazing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Who's Eugenia?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Eugenia is my Girl Friday. My. My manager. My, my. Everything. Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

If it wasn't for Eugenia, I wouldn't be, like, talking to you right now.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Deal?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I probably would, but it'd be in Ralph's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, yeah.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay. So anyway, talking about guava on sale, but so we made this little collab.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, my God.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

There you go.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's kind of like.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

It's kind of minimal.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, so it's minimal, which I do.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. The minimal couture.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Minimal couture. So this goes around my neck.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

This is a snake that goes around your neck.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

And then we have this, like, you're going to go golfing. Okay. Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But I'm going golfing with the little.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Day of the ring. Can I get up, please?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, y.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Could the queen crown you?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I come to you.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. That's okay. So this is snake couture. This is one of the things we make in the store. Everything has kind of a theme. Everything is, like, one of a kind. So we love this piece because we love, like, the side cleavage and then also butt cleavage and Just cleavage, cleavage, cleavage, cleavage in general, but there you go. You love. I fucking love. I'm turning into Joan Rivers. And then it's optional.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I, I, I select the option, but.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

There you go, honey.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Are they pants?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

They're pants. Connected to shoes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, I'm obsessed with this.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, my God. Talk me through the boutique. How does it work?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay, so the boutique has been, been on Melrose for 30 years and everything is specialty and custom made, so there's no, there's no repeats. We do have a website, though. What's the, what's the, It's Cosmos Glam Squad. And then we have Cosmo and Donato. And then we also have a shoe store called Shoehorn la. And then we also have Queen of Melrose website now. So that's a new one. So that's all like my merch and it's all some fashion on there. So you got, you got the three stores, girl. And then you got shoe whores. Don't Forget Shoe whore, L.A. are you okay, girls? Do you need like a drink and a line of coke?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm sweating. I'm sweating.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

She's sweating. To the oldies. Like Richard Simmons. She's sweating. Okay, that is, I mean, just pull it up a little above your chonies.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yep.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes, girl. Beautiful.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I haven't seen myself and I think I just live in this for a while.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Same.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, sit back.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Do you love what we brought you?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I love Obsessed. Yeah, I, I, it feels very like pop star, kind of like, I don't know, it feels like a new air. What would you call this era?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

For me, it's very Paula Abdul. Remember that song, She's a cold hearted snake. Look into her eyes. Oh, she's been telling lies. You don't know that song.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I've, I've heard it once or twice. And Paula, I've met her in person. She's so tiny.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

She's so little.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Have you ever dressed her before?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No. My friend Maxine, who did my lashes a little while ago. She does her makeup. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, so now that I've got this look on, would you like to spritz me with whatever this is?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Could you read the label, Charlie?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It says My cunt. Exclusively by Cosmo. Is this my audition? To be the face of my cunt?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes, you could be the face. This is the outfit you're wearing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Your cunt?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't know the proper terminology. You want to give me a you.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Can smell cosmos cunt.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, how about that? What are the, what are the undertones or the.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

What am I.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What am I picking up on? Oh, wow.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Pretty.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, it's really expensive. Yeah, kind of. Oh. Natural. It's very feminine. What else are you getting?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I. I like sweet smells.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Me, too.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You know, I like when I wear this and a man comes to my bedroom, he just takes his clothes off immediately.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I like the power of my.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That is the effect that this is having on me.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I like the power of my cunts. Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I hope my C can be as powerful as your one day. It's getting there.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You know what? I'm sure it's going. I'm just young.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Grasshopper. Patience.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes. It's a little fresher.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's a little fresher.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes. Huh?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You've put a lot of things on a lot of different kinds of people.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

The one that made me really giggle was Shaquille O'Neal.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How did that happen?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay, so Shaquille, you know Deontay Wilder. He's the heavyweight champion boxing champion for a few years.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So his girlfriend stumbles in my store. She says, my boyfriend is a boxer. He's the heavyweight champion of the world, and this is his costume. She goes, it looks like Party City. So she goes, can you do something? So we created these looks for Deontay Wilder, okay? So we did five looks for him, and then we did this epic look, the last look, and then he lost the fight. And they blame me and my partner Donato for making the outfit too heavy. So they said he lost the fight.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Because of the outfit.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Because of the outfit.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Oh.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

But the LA Times the COVID said the outfit won and Deontay lost. In other words, he just got his ass kicked. Don't blame the outfit because nobody's buying.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Never blame the clothes.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's never their fault.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Right, Exactly. But how do you feel in this little snake situation?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I feel really. This feels a little edgy for me. It feels a little like I could go either, like, maybe be in an Indiana Jones movie as, like, the temptress in, like, the. The Temple of Doom.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Right, right.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I just. I feel what's so good about this is now the world really gets to see a different side to me, which is what I brought you on here to do is to show me a little culture, teach me a thing or two. And this feels like you're teaching me. Like, this is giving sexy in a way that I don't think I really have.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think this also really.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You don't really think you have. I'm.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I'm. I'm getting sexy.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I think you exist. Exude that.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Thank you.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

And. And the funny part, the ones who really own it and exude it are the ones that are just gullible and they're not aware of it.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Really?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, that's a beautiful.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I feel like this outfit, when it walks into a room, it says, I have sex at least three times a week. You know what I mean?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Exactly.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, people aren't wearing shoes for pants if they aren't getting regularly laid. Do you agree?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I agree. I agree. So Deontay Wilder, he was the heavyweight champion, so he lost the fight. I made him this fabulous outfit. Me and my partner had laser beams coming out of it in Caesar's Palace. And so after that, Shaq meets Deontay at a party and says, who made that outfit for you? He goes, I need an outfit. So anyway, the next day, even with all this crazy press that the outfit was too fucking heavy. Shaq FaceTime. And I'm like, oh, my God, it's Shaq. He goes, cosmo? I'm like, yeah. He goes, could you make me an outfit? So I was like, for what? He goes, I am a dj. So I says, oh, okay. So anyway, came to the store, next day. No, I had to meet him at Jimmy Kimmel.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Also, Shaq does not seem like someone who is intimidated by a heavy outfit. I think that he could handle it.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

He handled it, girl. He handled it. So we met. We met him. We made this. This big, huge apparatus. Okay. He flew me to Atlanta to actually put it on him, right? Hotel, everything. Hung out with Shaq, you know, he was so fun.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And it was for his DJing event.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

His DJ event.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So anyway, I thought it was like hip hop, but when I walk in there, it's like, raver. So there's a bunch of, like, little girls with glow sticks. And I'm like, wait a minute. Does any two hip hop? Like, what's. I'm confused.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What? A multi hyphenate.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I'm confused over here.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I want to go to a rave. That Shaq is DJing.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

He has them often.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What are we doing sitting here? I'm already. I'm clearly dressed for it. That's what I'm. That's what we're getting me ready for.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Let's go, girl.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, but then what would you call your personal style? Like. Like a separate from the store. What. Like, what is your aesthetic?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I just do, like, what inspires me, you know, so it's like, you know, growing up in the 60s, you know, I am 61 years old, girl. I know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Amazing. Okay, so. But your style is kind of. It's, it's all, it's all over the place. But you were. Did you have any of that, like, 60s retro flair?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So I give you 60s, 70s, 80s. Like, I mix it up. Like, sometimes I'm like full. Stevie. Nick.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

The gloves are very. What do these feel like? 80s, right? Kind of Madonna vibes.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Hey, Julia, Louis Dreyfus here. If you listen to me on my Wiser Than Me podcast, you probably already know that I'm an investor and an evangelist for the Mill food recycler. There are a lot of reasons to love mill, but for me, it's all about the impact. Keeping food out of the garbage is one of the most powerful things we can do to help the planet every single day. We're talking banana peels, carrot tops, old takeout. When that stuff heads to the landfill, it becomes a huge driver of climate change. If you already compost, great. But of course, there's the smell, the flies, the running to the curb every day with a little leaking compost bag made of cornstarch. That's where mill comes in. It makes keeping food out of the trash as easy as dropping it in. It can handle nearly anything from a turkey carcass to like 20 avocado pits. It works automatically while you sleep. You can keep filling it for weeks and it never, ever smells. Mill makes dry, nutrient rich grounds that you can use in your garden, add to your compost, feed to your chickens. Or mill can get them back to a small farm for you, but you kind of have to live with mill to really get it. And that's why they offer a risk free trial. Go to mill.com wiser for an exclusive offer.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Do you ever get hit with a cringy memory of your 13 year old self out of nowhere, and suddenly you're panic, sweating and laughing at the same time? Don't, don't worry, don't worry. We all get that.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

It's because being an adolescent is one of the most visceral, shared experiences we have as people.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

And we want to talk about it. Join me, Penn Badgley, and my two friends, Nava and Sophie on podcrushed as we interview celebrity guests about the joys and horrors of being a teenager and how those moments made them who they are today. New episodes of podcrust are out now. Wherever you get your podcasts, it's the dealing hour.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I feel like step two to our charm school should be kind of like teaching me how to Tell a good story. Because I have been obsessed with you. You do these incredible stories, whether it's on podcasts, talk shows, your own content. That is like, epic. Now, were you born with great stories or were the great stories thrust upon you?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I gotta say both.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Because you were born into a quite a wild family of characters, so that helps.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes, we're.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And that was in New York.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

In New York.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Harlem.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Harlem.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And we're. What? How did you fit into the family dynamics?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Why didn't. That's the whole. That's the whole.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's it.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Fabulous. Yeah, we're done.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Get out of here. She didn't.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, they're like, when did you come out as a child? And I was like, I was never in.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You know, that's how I felt.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I was so faggot.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But is. Did you ever have any gender stuff come up for you when you were young?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I mean, like, I like, you know, when Gaga says, you're born this way, you're born this way. You know what I mean? It wasn't a decision I made, like, at 10 years old and be like, I'm gonna go out with men. I literally thought that I was a girl. Okay. And I was like 3 years old, and I would put towels on my head and wear my mother's high heel shoes and go by the window and I would be like, I'm. I'm going to marry Johnny Osmond. Johnny Osman was like, no question about it. It was like the Justin Bieber of those days.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Is he Mormon?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, he is. The whole family, Emory.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So you were planning. You were willing to. I was going to say transition to Mormon. You were going to.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Whatever.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Done it.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Does he have. Is he on your radar? Like, has he been in the store before?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No, no, not Donnie Osman. But he was the big deal at that time when I was a little baby.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So Joseph. And then my mother's like. My father's like, my father in mobs that you men can't.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Your father was in the mob?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. I. I know a little bit of lore, but. Yeah, for those of us who don't.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Was that, like, knowledge to you when you were young?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No, I just. I thought it was normal, you know what I mean? Because everybody in my name.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Does the mob have a name or is it just the mob?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Basically the mob. There's, like a lot of names behind it, but it's basically the mob.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. So I grew up in Harlem and it was all mobile. So my family wasn't the only one. Like, everybody family was kind of mob related.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. When did you find that out?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

When I. When I got a little older and I thought I was Michelle FIFA by the pool, like, and, you know, and getting driven to school, you know, I had a lot of privilege privileges. Like, I went to a bad neighborhood, bad schools. But we were always driven, like, in a limousine or a Cadillac to school by these mob wives, you know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What do you think of the mob wife aesthetic that's really come back?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I think it's amazing.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So epic. I think it's red lip.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Amazing. So cute.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How about. Have you. I. I've had a few of my doll friends tell me that they've dated some mobsters before. Like, sometimes the mobsters like a trans woman. Have you found that to be true at all?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Very true.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Really?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, so that isn't just.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So they don't really talk about it because it's, like, taboo, but. Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Why do you think that is?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Because there's some things you just don't. It's like, it's such old fash, like, values, you know what I mean?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But. But why. But why do you find them going for the. The dolls?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I think everybody's going for the dolls.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Thank you.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You know, I think the dolls are the new white meat. You know, I'm just like, I know whether they're.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Whether they're dating us in public or.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Private, everybody wants a doll.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I have thought so.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

They're not admitting it, you know, and they're hiding behind there.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

There's pornhub searches are way up right now.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You know, when they come over my house, you know, it's like, they even love Mama. They love the Queen of Melrose. And then, you know, there's baby seats in the car, but I'm like, okay, you know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, really?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. So basically, it's still taboo, you know, but I think it's getting a little better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And then were. Did you, like, grow up knowing that you were like, my life is so cuckoo insane in the best way, or were you. Did just this still just all feel normal to you?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Cuckoo dysfunctional, basically, growing up? Yes, in the best way. So, you know. Yes. A lot of things stem from that life. Like, there was like, a little drug addiction, you know, I mean, and there was this and that. But also, I wouldn't change it because whatever. Like, you know, whatever was like, you know, whatever was like lemons, Now I'm making, like, lemonade. You know what I'm Saying it's like it all just comes full circle.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Right.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So whatever, like, hurt me then made me stronger. Maybe the character that I am today.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

100. So if you were trying to teach me kind of how to be this storyteller that comes into a party to work, a room to network, what's your go to topic of conversation? When you're like meeting new people or, you know, trying to entertain, what would you bring up?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You know what I really can't call it. It's just the vibe that I feel like when I walk in the room, you know, and I. Then I read the room and it's just a vibe. Like, I think it's a gift.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Do you ever feel shy?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I do get shy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Me too.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, I get shy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I get really, like, if it's a group of completely new people, I think sometimes I like, I like to feel it out before. But I've, I've eaten lunch in a bathroom before, which I think surprises people.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. And it's normal. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. You know, like the, Some of the best comedians, they get jitters before they go on stage.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like us dressed like this going, we're so shy. I'm so shy. Yeah, I'm the shyest person you've ever met.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So true.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Now tell us, that's one way to.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Get over your shyness. Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

What has it been like now on, like, watching like, Tick tock come about and like all of these stories of yours go so viral? Like, has it brought you, like, are you glad that like now people are like, using your sounds as trending audio and like, how does that make you feel?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Very grateful. Very. Like, I mean, I'm amazing. Like, I'm blessed, like every day. Like, you know, you know, things that used to be because I didn't want to get on social media. I did not because I, you know, I gained some weight. I'm like 60 years old now. If I was younger. Yeah. But then I was like, no, I do not want to get on social. Social media. But then when I got on and really it's a sell address to like, save Melrose. But then it cut to like mental health and me helping people get sober, you know, talking about sobriety and, and that's like, yeah, I'm really grateful. Like, you know, and I never thought like, the comments, like, you know, you always think like you're in your mind. Like, the worst thing, like, they're gonna be like, get that fat queen off the air or, you know what I mean? Like, your mind because sometimes it's a bad neighborhood. Right, right.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And that's your own worst enemy.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Exactly, exactly. That's why I pray and meditate. Like, I meditated away and I, you know, I learned.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Do you think there is a way and, like, this industry in, like, a healthy way? Like, do you. Yeah, there is. What are your tips for that?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I believe that, you know, everybody comes with, like, do another record or, like, get another foot, you know, win that football game or. You know what I mean? It's like, you have to do another song. Justin Bieber, do another song. Do another song. Like, I grew up with a lot of chaos, you know, but the way I found a solution, you know, and I had to search for it and I found a solution. Somebody to help me with. Basically, 12 steps. Yeah. And praying and meditation. Meditation. So basically we just do this in my yard for, like, a year. That's how I got sober. So I think they should really teach something like that in the school system.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, this is. This is where it's starting. I'm actually. I'm. I'm patient number one that we're testing this curriculum out on.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And I've got to say, it's going well so far. I feel an Ivy League in my future. The third step of charm school here is, like. So we've made me, you know, obviously a pop star diva with a little bit of an attitude, but. And can tell a good story, but say I have a little bit of a mental break, like, in. And I go a little cuckoo, which I have in the past. I've gone through some mental health things. One of my favorite stories of yours was, didn't you go to some sort of facility where they said, like, beware flying balls.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Oh, that was prison. That was jail.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That was jail, yeah. Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Can you talk me through that?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So when the queen was out there and she was doing her thing, basically. Well, you know, I was on Cops, right? No, Show Cops.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I. I did.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. So I was.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Were you, like, a cop? You weren't a cop on it?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No, I wasn't a cop. I was the. The victim. Yeah. So the culprit. Yeah. So I moved to la, and I really moved to LA to become, like, this hairdresser My father had. You know, the Mafia guy had a connection and, you know, hair salon. I was supposed to be doing, like, Elizabeth Taylor's hair. It was all hooked up. It was all.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But the mobs own the.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No, it was just connection.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. Family ties.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, Family ties guys. So.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Baby. Right here.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Right. But I didn't do that. I did the opposite. Like, I found.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You got on Cops.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, I was on Cops. Yeah. I started partying like a rock star.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Only one episode.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

What? Just one.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Just one.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

That's all you need.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That what you got? You in jail, though?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No, no, with jail, it was. I was fighting me with drugs, okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And then in my car, and then somebody said, oh, just tell them you're crazy.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Right?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Who told you that?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay. So. So she works for me now. My employee, Crystal. You know, Crys.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't know Crystal.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

She also performs at Hamburger Mary's. She's absolutely gorgeous. So she's my best friend for many, many years. We met downtown McArthur's Park. So I, I. I'm in jail, and we just. We cross each other's paths, and I'm like, crystal, what do I do? I said, first of all, they're ripping out my hair extensions. I got a fist fight. Every fucking. I keep on fist fighting. So she braided my hair in real tight. She goes, just stay by me. I got you. So she goes, I said, now what do I do? She goes, you say that you're crazy. She goes, say that you're crazy, and they're gonna put you in the pill module, and it's like, Club Med. There's men, there's a library. You're not gonna feel like you're in jail. I'm like, great. What she forgot to tell me was I have to get evaluated for two days. So they threw me in this fucking, like, Donna Karan fucking dress, and they threw me in this fucking cell. And it says, warning, inmates will throw shit balls. Yeah. So they do. It was crazy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You saw something.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I saw. I saw it all, girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So did you just end up spending two days in there?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No, no, One day.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

One.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Because I talked to the therapist that day, and I said, listen, I have a store out there, a clothing store. Do you like clothes? I said, she goes, well, my daughter likes clothes. I says, go to Melrose. Pick her out an Alpha outfit. She went to Melrose, picked out an outfit. The next day I was released.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

No.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And that is the power of fashion.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. And a little bit of the mob.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Wow. Oh, that also could help.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. Yeah, that helps.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, that could help.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So you never got hit by a ball?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Never. Okay, I dodged a bullet.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You did.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And those braids were tight.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

But they were. And the braids were tight, girl. Huh?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And then after the second, so. So after that, you went back to the store and what year Was that.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I don't remember. Cops was a while ago. I don't know. That was like four rehabs ago, so I don't remember. But.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But the last one, the fourth rehab, was a charm.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

It was a charm.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It was a charm.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, I went to Tarzana Medical Center.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, great.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

This is a plug.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

And I went for a. I went for a year. Year.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

A year of. In rehab.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I went for a year. I lived there.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Do you think that's what they gave you? That's how long you needed?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, I learned how to, like, you know, get up in the morning, like, literally brush my teeth, take a shower. I mean, like, I had to learn how to live all over again.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And was the store open during that time?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

What happened was, you know, now you're bringing me back.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Well, what happened was.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

What happened was.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

We'll do a dream sequence here.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So I had my store for 10 years. Years. China the wrestler did Playboy. She sold more Playboy covers than Marilyn Monroe. She was absolutely beautiful. Okay, so. But she wasn't beautiful before she had surgery. She looked gorgeous. So anyway, she spent a million dollars in my store the first year. Okay? So here I am on Melrose, a queen from New York, and I'm selling clothes. And anyway, I made my first million dollars. So I was hanging out with, like, Poison and Cece Deville, all the rock stars. I was hanging out with China. And we would be up for literally nine days because everybody was partying then, you know, nobody knew how addicting everything was going to be, that we all end up in rehabs, right? So. Because in the beginning, it's fun, the party, right? That is the party with problems, right? And then it's more problems. Okay? So I went out on my birthday, the store was open 10 years, and I'm like, okay, I made my first million. I want to go party like a rock star. So I go out on my birthday November 2nd.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yep.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

And where'd you go? I went to. I hung out with my friend Aldo.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Not. Not Aldo. Shoes.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No, not Aldo. Shoes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, Just Aldo.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Aldo. He was a performer, singer. Yeah. Hang out. He was friends with George Clinton in that crowd.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't know any of the names.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You said you're gonna look it up. Yes. You're a baby. I figured you're a baby, baby. But this is all cultural.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

This is what I need.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

This is how it all happened. Like the drug revolution in Los Angeles. So anyway, I went out on my birthday and I literally did not come Home. I was in Vegas. I was in Miami.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How long we talking?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

A year. So my cousins work in my store, and I keep on draining the bank. The bank accounts. Now this. Like, she goes, cosmo, you're gonna lose your store. You're gonna lose your store. I'm like, I don't care. I'm partying. Like, I'm having the best time of my life.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Part of it yet. Twin brothers there yet, or no?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Oh, that was another one. It's gonna have to be. That was the Terror twins growing up.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You had a twin?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I thought, I have an identical twin.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. But was he working at the store at this time?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

No, no, no, no. Because he was fighting his own demons.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, because it was like everything we did, we did together. Like, he goes to jail, I go to jail. You know what I mean?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Right.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

He gets. So that twin gets the fl. Still to this day, do you feel.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like telepathy is real?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

It's so real.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Really?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So real. Even though, like, he's the boy and I'm the girl, you know? But we're, like, so, like. Yeah, yeah. Very connected. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

So you. You left for the year. The cousins are like, where the are you? And. And then you came back and you were like, I gotta get my together.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So I came back and, like, I was going to say, and get the money. I. You just be a maniac. You know what I mean?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

When you're, like, stealing your own money, basically.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Stealing my own money. Right? It's a party. And then she goes, you're gonna lose your store. We gotta pay the landlord. I'm like, no, don't worry about it. You got this. You got this. My cousin, so she was high money in her bra. Her bloom is like, you know what I mean? She's like, stop it. And I was just like, full flight from reality. Like, I was just partying like a rock star. And Katsu, they call me up and they go, you lost your store? It's gone.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, they just. And, like, I have really. It's very emotional to this day. And so I lost my store. So basically, I don't know if you know Danny Bonaduce. He was on the Partridge Family. Do you guys know Danny Bonaduce? So he was sober at that time, and he was my customer. Customer. He goes, I'm gonna help you. He goes, I'm gonna give you this 500 bucks. You're gonna go get a case of beer, whatever. Get an eight ball. He goes, I'll meet you Monday. He goes, you're Going to rehab. He goes, so just. I'll see you Monday. Party like a rock star. Finish partying. Get it out of your system, Cosmo, because you're going away. And I was crying. I was like, I can't believe I lost my store. I can't believe the party was over. Okay, so I met Danny on Monday. We arranged to go to Tarzana. I went to Charzana Medical. I stood in there for, like, almost a year. They gave me, like, a house to live in. I had to learn how to get sober again, you know? I was in a lot of rehabs, though. I was in one with Lindsay Lohan. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we had fun. Yeah, it was fun.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Seems like it.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

That was on the way. That was. My insurance was good, girl. I have Blue Cross. Trizada was like, the bad insurance.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Me and you doing a Blue Cross commercial after this.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. So anyway. Yeah, so that's what happened. Yeah. And I got sober.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And now what does partying look like for you? Like, can you go out and have a good time?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I am the queen in the. In the club. That's like dancing and carrying on, and everybody comes up to me and goes, where's the driver?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Drugs to you.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I'm not a glum lot wrong girl, girl. I got sober to have fun, girl. You know what I mean? I didn't get sober. I was in closets, girl, many years looking on the floor for, you know, just wasted Christmases and birthdays and. Because, like, the drug just. I got me isolated, you know, that's what. It doesn't want you alone. I don't want you dead.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

But now it brings you.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So now it's like, I'm just, like, every day I'm grateful. Like, you know, I get up, I do my little prayer, my meditation. I talk to my sponsor. I had a few meetings, and I just. Yeah, I'm just like, cheers to that. Yeah. Cheers to sobriety. And queen and sober.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Love that.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

And you know what? I don't judge people that drink either. I don't. I can hang around people who have a drink. You can smoke a joint, maybe.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Doesn't bother you?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Maybe cocaine, a little bit. I kind of try to stay away from that. But as long as you're not, like, shooting up under a bridge, you know what I mean? Like, I don't judge, like, if you could be a normie, I wish I could have a drink and go to bed or, like, go party and have a few drinks. But, no, I lost that privilege A long time ago, but I could still hang out with people that party, you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Know, I don't judge in Palm Springs.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How about now for a segment on the Dylan Hour that we like to call what a Girl Wants. What a Girl Wants. So, Cosmo, what do you want in your life?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

What a girl wants, What a girl needs.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

That's what. That's exactly what we like to hear.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So in my life, I just want to. First of all, I want to get in shape again. I want to get in shape. That's a big one for me. And I want to give back to the community. Like, I think the way, like, I'm making an impact on social media, like, helping people out. Like, I just want to help people, you know, not only like, ourselves, though. Like, everyone, you know, even just from.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You know, if I can pay you a compliment, you make me feel like I can be whatever the fuck I want to be, and I can present any way that I want, and I can wear what I want. And I think, like, you light up every room you're in. And so that is what I think. A lot of people, whether it's their gender or sexuality or age, whatever it is, like, I. I think you're giving people permission to feel that way.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Thank you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's amazing.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Thank you. Thank you. DC versus Marvel. Android versus iPhone. John Williams versus Hans Zimmer. You may have had these pop culture debates with your friends, but I know you didn't have me weighing in with a verdict. I'm Ronald Young, Jr. And as the host of Pop Culture Debate Club, I'm here to listen to the arguments, ask some questions, and ultimately pick a winner. Listen to Pop Culture Debate Club wherever you get your podcasts from Lemonada Media and the BBC.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Hi there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. This fall, my podcast, Wiser Than Me is back for season three with even more wisdom straight from some legendary old ladies. These chickadees have a lot to teach us. Every word is a lesson in living unapologetically and focusing on the stuff that really matters. From Lemonada Media, Wiser than Me, Season 3 out now. Find it wherever you get your podcast, subscribe to Lemonada Premium in the Apple podcast app and listen to every episode of season three A.D. free.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

It's the dealing now.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. You know, we've done a lot of oversharing on the show already, but I think it's time for our big overshare, don't care section of the show, and this is going to be a lightning round, and I'm going To ask you a bunch of questions and you have to answer them quick. You ready?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. Number one dream celebrity to style. It's a lightning round.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Beyonce.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. Biggest difference between New York and la.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

The biggest difference. The vibe.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Period. Favorite designer of all time.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I gotta say Halston.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Favorite classic fashion icon. There's.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

There's so many.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

The time is. There's. There's a. There's a metaphorical clock under us right now.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Oh, there is. Okay. I feel it in my.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, let's.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Let's.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How about. Let me give you the question again. Favorite classic fashion icon.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Paul Abzul.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Pop Pop girly or rock div. Pop girly or rock diva?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Diva, of course.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Best gift you've ever received.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

This interview today.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah. Silver or gold?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Always gold.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Pearls or diamonds?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Diamond.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Leather or lace?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Leather.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

A trend that you wish would go away.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You got to get me riled up again.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

The trend that you want to stay.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah. Kimonos. Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, I can get behind a rock girly kimono any day. Wow. That was fucking something else. You have got me riled up. And I think we need to get someone else riled up because it is time for our last call confession. We have received a call, a voicemail from one of my followers who would like a little advice. And little do they know that we have Cosmo, Queen of Melrose to help answer that. So let's hear it. Hello. How. Hi, Dylan. I was just looking for some advice on how to move out at the age of 18. I'm currently living in a toxic household and I'm trying to move in with my boyfriend at 18, moving into his house with his parents, and then we plan on moving out. But I just want your advice on how to save up, up and just look for jobs and figure my life out, because I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm going to be 18 in three months. Thank you, Dylan.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

That's a hard one. I know. Basically. I don't know.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Like, what were you doing at 18?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Oh, 18. I was. I was. I was a hairdresser stuff.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay. So maybe this person just has to go to cosmetology school and everything will be fine.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would just like, you know, think positive. Maybe find like a positive group or something. Like just.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How about like saving money too for. To get a plate. A new place.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Right, right.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I feel like in. This is a huge transitional period in time in their life because I think it's. You're going from, you know, childhood to adult and it sounds like they've already experienced some things that are probably more adult than child. And I think that I keep a sense of optimism. I think by. I think they're probably going to be really tempted to go out and have that fun and spend the money and. And, you know, experience life. And I think that's so important. But also, when they say no to those things, remember what they're saving for and what that they are hopefully investing in the future of getting out of, you know, their family's house and building this new life with their partner. I think it's epic that they do get to, you know, exist with another person, but making sure that they're figuring out who they are as an adult and not just shared in their relationship. I think, you know, I've always been single pretty much in, you know, short relationships, but I think I'm so glad that I figured out who I am before I invite, you know, someone else into my life to share it with.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Right, right. Like, stay focused, you know, basically. And, yeah, and just, like, you know, just try not to get involved with any of the drama, you know, like the. The sex, drugs, and rock and roll. You know, just like, just stay focused.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

If there was one of those to get involved in, what would you tell them to do? Of sex, drugs in rock and roll, which one's the. The healthiest?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I would say rock and roll, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Who's your favorite rocker?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Pat Benatar.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Ooh, what does she sing? Running With.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

She sings.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

And there's our baby.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Take my hand, you'll be all right.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Wow. Who knew that we had a musical episode? Speaking of this gorgeous voice, would you. I typically ask every one of my guests, would you be on Broadway? Would you want to be on Broadway? Broadway?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

I would love to, honey. I would love to. I would love to have a career doing that stuff. You know, I did a few movies in the past, but I would love to. And a lot of reality shows like Shaws, the Sunset.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Big Frida. You know, Big Frida. Yeah, yeah. She's my sister.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

How about. But, like, what. Do you know what role you would want to take on?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You know what? You remember Harvey? I'm gonna go back again, girl.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Harvey. Fire.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, I know him.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You do?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I. We. This is where we also meet. Meet. We know Pat Benatars. Could you imagine? I'm like, everybody, welcome. Harvey. But Harvey also has an iconic voice and was in Hairspray.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yeah.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Is that what you want to. Would you.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Well, he also made us a movie about his life called Charge Song trilogy.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh my God. Would you want to do that?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

And it's like kind of he grew up the way I grew up.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Crazy.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Like he was in the closet with his mother's dress on. But cut to the boyfriend, the Puerto Rican from the Bronx, you know, all that. Like.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Yeah, would you want to play Edna Turnblad? The. You know, the. Hey, Tracy, baby, baby.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Well, you know, if John Travolta could.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Do it, honey, I think any of us can.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Mother could do it better.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I think you could deliver. So that's the pitch is we're trying to get. Cause honey, Broadway's watching.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Mr. Broadway's on. And I got naked on this couch for. For that very reason. First time on.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So I'm gonna have a movie. Maybe the last.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

I don't know. I've had the best time. I feel like I do. Did I graduate? Is this my. Is this my. My cap and gown girl? And then apparently you said there's a gift of some sort.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

We have a gift for you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, I got merch. I got merch. Queen of Melrose, honey.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

And it's gold. The gift of gold.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, I think I might love LA now. If I can do it with you, I would love to do life with you. You have been one of my all time favorite guests. This might be my all time favorite outfit I've worn on the show. I feel like we're in an episode of like, I don't know, Black Mirror or the Twilight Zone or like, I don't know what this is, but it's my favorite. And I want to thank you so much for coming on.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Thank you, baby. Thank you.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Where can they find you?

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay, so come to Melrose. Okay.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Come on over, baby.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes. So it's called Come on over baby.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Had to get one.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

You're gonna see a little Christina girl. Are you gonna get up?

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Oh, I got a story about her. I'll tell you after.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Okay, tell me, tell me.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Okay, but so they can come to you in Melrose or they can find you on social media websites.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

So Cosmos, Glam squad on Melrose. Cosmo donato on melrose.com as well. And cause Cosmos, um, I mean, shoe whore. Twist it like cable.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

You too can own shoe pants.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes. Shoe that attached to your vajayjay. Yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

They also make you this flexible, which is a beautiful thing.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Which is a miracle.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Great club outfit.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

It's amazing. Okay, well, we love you everyone here at the Dylan Hour. Cosmo Queen of Melrose.

[Cosmo Queen of Melrose]

Bye. Love ya.

[Dylan Mulvaney]

Want even more of the Dylan Hour now is a great time to subscribe to Lemonada Premium. You'll get bonus content, outtakes and more from conversations with fabulous guests like Joe Locke and Dylan's dad Jim Mulvaney. Just hit the subscribe button on Apple Podcasts or for all other podcast apps, head to lemonadapremium.com to subscribe. That's lemonadapremium.com the Dylan Hour is a production of Lemonada Media. Our supervising producer is Jess Kreincic. Producers are Carmen Laurent, Keegan Zema and Aria Bracci. Audio and video production and engineering by Jordan Lynn, Ivan Koraev and Brian Castillo. Our SVP of weekly programming is Steve Nelson. Our theme song was composed by Daniel Mertzluft and arranged by Erin Kaufman. Special thanks to Megan Strickland executive producers Stephanie Whittles, Wax Jessica, Corey Cordova, Kramer, Katherine Law and Dylan Mulvaney. You can find us online at Lemonada Media and you can find Dylan on TikTok and Instagram. Ylan Mulvaney Follow the Dylan Hour wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership.