The Russian Federation has officially hit terminal velocity, and the Alpha-male imperial dream has been replaced by a desperate, hallucinating Cargo Cult.

We dive into the glorious new reality of the Russian state: where broken domestic AI hallucinates goblin names for Defense Ministers, where the Kremlin blames the national depression on Amazon Prime’s ‘Fallout’ series, and where the great Eurasian Empire’s new national idea is retreating to fight to the death for a manure-filled cow-shed in Nizhny Novgorod.

Plus: the official death of the “God of War” (Russian artillery is now responsible for just 5% of casualties), Ukrainian drones hunting logistics on the Taganrog highway, schizophrenic vigilantes terrorizing cow-vaccinating veterinarians in the Kuzbass, and Moscow’s “Communist Youth” demanding a return to the Gulag system while weeping over their throttled Instagram engagement metrics. The plywood empire isn’t just losing the war; it has lost its dignity entirely.

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