My Dad Wants 3X More Than Our Agreement

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: EntreLeadership
Host: Dave Ramsey (Ramsey Network)
Episode: My Dad Wants 3X More Than Our Agreement
Date: June 17, 2026

This episode centers on a real and deeply personal business dilemma: how to uphold both family honor and business integrity when a foundational agreement with a family member is threatened. Dave Ramsey fields a live question from David, a construction business owner in South Carolina, whose father and original business partner now demands triple the agreed-upon amount at the time of their buy-sell arrangement. The episode explores principles of honoring family, maintaining boundaries, and how to handle painful confrontations without comprising business stewardship or personal values.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Dilemma: Agreement vs. Family Expectations

• Background: David started a business nine years ago, bringing his father on as a co-owner as his dad's "exit strategy." The original operating agreement set a fixed buyout calculation for his father after nine years.
• Current Issue: Now at the buyout point, David’s father wants three times the originally agreed amount, claiming the business is worth more today.
• Emotional Complexity: David feels torn between honoring his father (as per his faith) and honoring the integrity of their business agreement.

2. Honoring Parents vs. Enabling Unreasonable Behavior

• Biblical Principle Clarified: Dave Ramsey distinguishes between honoring the person (or the office of father) versus condoning misbehavior.
  • "When the Bible talks about honoring your father and mother…it is not talking about honoring every single behavior that they have." (04:34)
• Analogy: Dave compares this to not having to approve of everything a President does, yet still being called to pray for those in leadership.

3. The Conversation Strategy

• Direct Dialogue: Dave encourages David to sit down with his father face-to-face for an honest, difficult conversation.
  • "It starts with, I love you and I want to honor you as my father. But you and I made an agreement, and now you're backing out on that agreement." (06:41)
  • Have the father explain his reasoning—whether it’s coming from fear, financial insecurity, or something else.
• Firmness Balanced with Compassion: Dave suggests it may be appropriate to offer a modest increase in the buyout as an olive branch, acknowledging the original formula’s naivety, but stresses not to cave to a demand that is fundamentally unfair.

4. Handling the Fallout—Boundaries & Relationship Risk

• Patterns of Avoidance: David’s father has a history of walking away from unresolved conflict (three divorces).
  • "He doesn't do conflict resolution... he just leaves." (12:17)
• Be Prepared: Dave warns that holding the line may result in another fractured relationship, but it is not David’s responsibility if that happens.
• Emotional Self-Check:
  • "All you can do is say, dad, I love you. I want you in our life…But this is what we agreed to. This is what we're going to do." (13:50)

5. Practical, Immediate Advice

• Don’t Drag It Out: Conclude the negotiation quickly—within 90 days—to avoid wasted emotional and creative energy.
  • "Get this over with. Don't drag it out. Two years, you're burning up a whole lot of creative calories screwing with something you shouldn't have to screw with at all." (17:27)
• Resource Recommendations:
  • Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud
  • Necessary Endings by Dr. Henry Cloud

6. Separate Behavior From Relationship

• Classic Principle: Love the person, not the misbehavior.
  • "You can honor…the fact that somebody's my brother, my dad, my mom, without honoring their drug use, without honoring their greed, without honoring their ability to not do conflict." (18:03)
• Business Application:
  • Length of relationship or family status doesn’t grant permission to break agreements or misbehave in business.

7. Personal & Psychological Dynamics

• Childhood Roots: Dave notes that these challenges often have deep roots—in this case, David's childhood feelings tied to his father's departures.
  • "That little boy is still here. His dad still left. And now he's trying to be a man… But that little boy that got hurt by that divorce is in this conversation." (19:31)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Family Honor vs. Enabling:
  • "You can't honor someone’s misbehavior. You can honor their office, their position, without enabling their wrongful conduct." — Dave Ramsey (04:34)
• On Confronting Difficult Conversations:
  • "If any of my vendors or my clients did this, I would nail their ears to a tree. There's no chance I would let someone get away with this. The only reason I'm even having this conversation is because I love you and you're my father." — Dave Ramsey (06:41)
• On Boundaries:
  • "Sometimes you have to have boundaries with family members that are unreasonable. I will one more time reiterate that that's not dishonoring to him being a father. It's dishonoring to his behavior." — Dave Ramsey (13:50)
• On Emotional Closure:
  • "If I put all of that out there, I've done all I can do, then they get to choose what they're gonna do. I can't choose for them." — Dave Ramsey (17:06)
• On Quick Resolution:
  • "Get this over with. Don't drag it out… be done. This is it." — Dave Ramsey (17:46)
• On the Deeper Wounds Influencing the Conflict:
  • "That little boy is still here…this thing began then. It didn’t begin 90 days ago." — Dave Ramsey (19:31)

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Key Timestamps for Reference

• 00:31-02:57 — David outlines his business and the original agreement with his father.
• 03:03-04:34 — David discusses his struggle: honoring his father vs. honoring the agreement.
• 04:34-06:32 — Dave explains the difference between honoring a parent and enabling misbehavior; prepares David for difficult confrontation.
• 06:32-10:37 — Dave roleplays a possible conversation and suggests negotiating some middle ground, but warns against being unfair to oneself.
• 12:13-12:42 — David reveals family history; Dave warns about the likelihood of another relationship breakdown.
• 13:50-15:48 — Dave reiterates importance of boundaries and warns about emotional fallout regardless of financial outcome.
• 17:27-17:52 — Dave’s advice to resolve things quickly and avoid prolonged emotional distraction.
• 18:03-19:31 — Dave summarizes: separate relationship from behavior; don’t grant permissions for misbehavior because of status or history.
• 19:31-End — Dave connects the present conflict to deeper family dynamics and childhood wounds.

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Actionable Takeaways

• Honor family, but do not enable or reward bad behavior.
• Clearly separate business integrity from personal emotion when dealing with family in business.
• Have the tough conversation—directly, transparently, and with love—no matter how uncomfortable.
• Offer a middle ground only if it addresses a genuine shortcoming in the original agreement, not out of guilt.
• Set and keep boundaries; be prepared for the relationship to change if the other party cannot resolve conflict.
• Resolve conflicts swiftly to preserve focus and energy for growing your business, not ruminating on drama.
• Recognize the old emotional patterns that can influence present-day business choices—allow empathy but don’t use it as a reason for self-sabotage.

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Resources Mentioned

• Books by Dr. Henry Cloud:
  • Boundaries
  • Necessary Endings

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This episode provides a real-world look at family-business dilemmas, with Dave Ramsey modeling both empathy and steadfastness. The tools and frameworks shared are applicable in any scenario where personal relationships intersect with business agreements.

Transcript

[A]

From the headquarters of Ramsey Solutions, this is Entree leadership. I'm Dave Ramsey, your host with over 30 years of experience leading in the trenches right alongside you. If you have a question you want to ask on the show, click the link in the description. David is in Columbia, South Carolina. Hi David. How are you?

[B]

Good. How are you?

[A]

Better than I deserve. What's up in your world?

[B]

Well, we're a construction management professional services provider in South Carolina. We have about 100 employees and $22 million in annual revenue.

[A]

Very well done. Cool.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, it's, it's been a, an amazing nine years. So we've grown really fast. And my question today is about nine years ago I was in this industry. I was a owner's representative on a construction projects and my dad did the same thing. We decided to, I started a business that was a service disabled veteran owned small business and brought my dad onto that business. As part of that, we shared in the ownership and he had a small company that this was kind of his exit strategy, so to speak. And so he shared some of his knowledge. But as the partnership went on over the nine years, he really hasn't engaged much. He just really wanted to work on a project as opposed to really engage in growing the business. And so I've kind of done a lot of that by myself. We set up a real detailed operating agreement with a buy, sell and a timeline of nine years. And it was going to be, you know, we were going to sell based on a specific formula. And then I, I've come to him and you're going to sell to each

[A]

other or sell to an outsider.

[B]

He's going to sell to me. Okay. He's going to sell after nine years.

[A]

That was in the original operating agreement.

[B]

The original operating.

[A]

And here we are at nine years.

[B]

Here we are at nine years. Okay. And we're, you know, I, I came to him and I said, hey, here's the calculation. And you know, we didn't necessarily really know what we were doing back then. And so it was a percentage of the revenue of projects under contract, which seemed fair then, but if you really look at valuations, it's, you know, the worth of our firm is higher than it was. And so he's wanting, you know, three times what is in the operating agreement and so on what basis? I mean, on the basis of the real valuation and.

[A]

I know, but why does he think he's due that when he signed an agreement that said otherwise?

[B]

Well, that's, that's a good question. Really. My question Is how do you honor your parents and honor the agreement? You know, I think in a lot of the agreements, I've typically, you know, kind of gone towards honoring. I'm a believer, and my dad's not a believer. And. And so I want to. I want to be honoring in that way, but I also want to, you know, I've got to honor the company, too. And so I'm. I'm torn here to really, you know, drive a hard line of like, this is what it is. And. And that's it. And I have every legal right to do that. I just wondering how to have that conversation with my dad.

[A]

Very difficult. Okay. Are they broke?

[B]

No, I. I mean, he. He just went through a divorce and so lost half of his assets, and so he. I think he's stealing. A little broke, but I think his net worth is close. Probably around a million, a little over a million.

[A]

How old is he?

[B]

He's 76.

[A]

And the operating agreement, dollar amount that the formula created was how much?

[B]

1.2 million. Okay.

[A]

And so if he has a million and he gets another million, he's just fine. At 76 years old, he's not going to be hungry.

[B]

Right? That's my thought.

[A]

So let me pan back then to what you kept talking about. I'm a believer. And honoring your parents. When the Bible talks about honoring your father and mother so that it's well with you and you will prosper, it is not talking about honoring every single behavior that they have. It's talking about honoring the office of father, the office of mother. Just like when the Bible says we're supposed to pray for our leaders that are in office that pray for the President. That doesn't mean you have to agree with the president or like what the president does. We're just called to pray for them.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But it doesn't mean we condone what Donald Trump or Joe Biden does. Right. We don't have to condone that to still honor the office of President and honor our leaders and pray for them. We can do that without going along with it. So in other words, let me use an extreme thing. Okay. You would never ask the question, how do I honor my father while he's being addicted to cocaine.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You would say that's a misbehavior. God's not asking me to honor that misbehavior.

[B]

But.

[A]

But I can honor the office of fatherhood. He's my dad. I love him in spite of his whatevers. And so, you know, so I guess the question is, the point is I don't think you can make him happy if he doesn't want to be happy. And it's not your job biblically, to make him happy. He gave his word to something. You have prospered the business with almost no involvement of his, for which he's getting $1,200,000. If my son did that, I would say thank you. Right?

[B]

Right. I think that's part of the. That's been a challenge for me. Is it like I thought?

[A]

I bet it's a challenge for your wife, too.

[B]

I was going to say that. Yeah.

[A]

She's like, what? Yeah. And my experience has been when someone does something like this. Let's say you doubled the amount you gave him. Still not going to be enough. That's my experience. So instead, I think we've got to go to the root of it and have a hard conversation. And it would sound like this, dad, in person, sitting down, just the two of you. I need to have a conversation with you, and it's going to be unpleasant. This is a difficult conversation. Okay. It starts with, I love you and I want to honor you as my father. But you and I made an agreement, and now you're backing out on that agreement. If any of my vendors or my clients did this, I would nail their ears to a tree. There's no chance I would let someone get away with this. The only reason I'm even having this conversation is because I love you and you're my father. So I don't understand why when I've done all the work for the last nine years or most of it and grown this business, that I don't understand why you think that the formula that we came up with originally is not sufficient for you. You've already got a million. That'll give you a million. Two extra, you'll have $2.2 million. You're 76 years old. I don't think you're going to be hungry. Explain to me why you think that the operating agreement and the handshake that we gave gives you a right to go back on your word. Tell me why. Because I want to walk away with this still loving you. I want to walk away with this still being your dad, still being your son. I still want you to come over and play with the grandkids. I still want us to have Thanksgiving dinner. But I don't understand. You're going to have to help me understand why you are breaking your word. Because it's not what you told me to do. It's not how you taught me and it's not who you are. And I don't understand. Are you afraid? Are you greedy? What is going on? And then let him talk for a few minutes. You may learn something.

[B]

Right? That's true.

[A]

And if I were in your situation, you're doing very well. And you self admitted in this conversation that the formula you all used was a bit naive when you put the original thing together and so probably was not the best possible formula. And so after he unloads whatever his reasoning is, which I have no idea what that's going to be and you don't either, apparently. I don't know where he's coming from on this, but hear him out, Let him get it out on the table and then go, well, you're not due money just because you showed up or you're my dad, right? You're due money because we did this and we made economic impact on the community. And that's why I'm due money as the owner as well right now, based on that, I will give you this, dad. I will tell you that I think the formula we used when we did this originally was a bit naive. We didn't know what we were getting into. Probably wasn't the best way to do a buyout valuation. And so, you know, I will give you that, that is a fair statement. However, it is our deal. So in an effort to try to meet you part of the way towards your concerns, I'm willing to raise this, whatever half million dollars and make it a million seven. I'm not willing to give you one third of an actual valuation. That is our one half. That is not fair. Because that's not your contribution, right? Because I got a feeling. I got a feeling that's like 7 million, isn't it?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I'm guessing. But I'm listening, looking at these numbers and thinking about it. I'm so. Yeah, and. And that's not his contribution. That's not fair.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's not honoring his son and he doesn't need it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

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[B]

Eight years.

[A]

Oh, okay. So this is the second marriage you just divorced.

[B]

No, third.

[A]

Third marriage. Just divorced.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, we didn't. I. We didn't really grow up together, so we've had a tough relationship before. We got into business together.

[A]

So this. The other thing you need to be prepared for then, that this might not end well because he tends to exit relationships that he doesn't like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He doesn't do conflict resolution.

[B]

That's true. He just leaves.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That may happen to you. You ready?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, if you don't cave to his wishes, he may bail on you.

[B]

Well, yeah, I. I think, you know, my wife's concern of even. Even doing the extra 500,000 or 200,000 or whatever it is is that it feeds that entitlement or whatever it is that's going on there.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. The only reason I would do it would be because I think that if I'm you, the only reason I would do that is not to make him okay, because I don't think he's gonna be okay emotionally. I think he's just that guy. But the only reason I would do it is it's an admission that our original formula is probably not fair and accurate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even though it's the letter of the law. And that's you. That's you. That's you. Coming a little bit off that, and I don't care. What. I mean, you could do a hundred thousand. I don't care. You can do nothing. I don't care. You don't have to do that. I'm just. I'm just spitballing with you here. So if you don't want to do it at all, then, you know, I think we're pretty well sure what's going to happen.

[B]

Right.

[A]

If you hold the line on this, I think you're probably going to have a limited relationship with him, and that's okay. That's a decision you make. And sometimes you have to have boundaries with family members that are unreasonable. I will one more time reiterate that that's not dishonoring to him being a father. It's dishonoring to his behavior. He's the one choosing to do this. You can't control what he chooses to do. All you can do is say, dad, I love you. I want you in our life. I want you to come over and be with the grandkids. This is what we agreed to. This is what we're going to do. You could end it there. I think I'm hearing that this guy has a pattern that that's probably not going to go well, and you need to really be prepared for that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you've had somewhat of a connection after a fracture for the last nine years, a fracture during childhood, and you've had this reconnect for the last nine years, and you're going to lose that probably.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And. And that's sad, but that's not you doing it, it's him doing it.

[B]

Right? No, and I. Yeah, you're like. You're saying it's the behavior and it's hopefully the conversation. At least we can have a witness to what's really getting going on in the bottom.

[A]

If he. If he'll open up and tell you what's really going on, maybe you can put a band aid on it with a little bit of a. Some kind of a olive branch, some kind of an extra offering of some kind. And that's probably worth it for your peace of mind, because when I come out of something like this, if they decide to walk away and have nothing to do with me, I want to know. I did all I could do. I did my part without becoming an enabler or without caving and being a wuss. And I'm not suggesting you do either one of those, because I don't think you can give this guy enough money to be happy if he decides to be unhappy.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. That's true.

[A]

You can give him 7 million and he'll feel like he was due more because somehow one idea he had four and a half years ago was somehow worth more than his half, or he didn't like the exact cap rate you used on the valuation or whatever. And you know he's gonna find something to bitch about if he wants to bitch.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You can count on that. So. Oh, man, I'm sorry. It's so hard. It's so hard to draw these lines. And so, yeah, I'll tell you what I would do. I would pick up Dr. Henry Cloud's book Boundaries, and I would read that. And if you actually want to read another one, it's called Necessary Endings, and it's. When we end, under what circumstances do we end a relationship? Do we end a job? Do we end a marriage? Do we. Do we end this kind of a thing? So what I want to do is I want to put myself out there at a position that is fair, that is based on integrity and kindness and compassion, but not enabling and not trying to make an unhappy person happy with my actions. They have to choose happiness on their side. And if I put all of that out there, I've done all I can do, then they get to choose what they're gonna do. I can't choose for them. And he may choose to distance himself. Cause right this second, he's kind of hurting, going through a divorce number three. And he's kind of in that mode, and so thrashing around a little bit like a wounded animal. But that doesn't give him permission to steal from you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm sorry, man. It's so hard to decide. But, yeah. And the problem is, the other thing is, I'll give you one other. Get this over with. Don't drag it out. Two years, you're burning up a whole lot of creative calories screwing with something you shouldn't have to screw with at all.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So, yeah, put it behind you. Within 90 days, be done with it. I'm done. This is it.

[B]

We're over.

[A]

And you know, otherwise. This, because in an effort to try to wiggle and make everything right, you can drag something like this out so far. And you play over the tapes in your head every morning when you're sitting over coffee every evening on the drive home, you're playing the tapes in your head on this instead of solving a business problem. And you'd be solving a business problem with those same calories and growing this business to a $40 million business. And so get it behind you as fast as you possibly can. Hey, that's a great question. Okay, so things to remember. Honoring people you love is different than enabling. You can honor the fact that somebody's my brother, my dad, my mom, without honoring their drug use, without honoring their greed, without honoring their ability to not do conflict and come to resolution. And I can honor someone that works on my team as a friend, but I'm not going to honor their incompetence or I'm not going to honor them treating someone else in the organization poorly just because, okay, I've been here 38 years. Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can yell and scream at people. You don't get to work here anymore if you yell and scream at people. We don't do that at Ramsey. And so I'm going to talk to you like one time about that maybe. Or maybe I'm just going to fire you. Been here 38 years. I'll probably talk to you once at least and give you a shot. But we don't do that. Well, I've been here 38 years. That doesn't mean you get to do that. You don't get to misbehave. Just because you sit in this seat of friend or 38 year employee or mom or dad, it does not give you permission to tread through my living room in your muddy boots. My living room. And you can't tread on other people in that process. So you've gotta separate the relationship from the behavior. And the way they used to say it all the time is love the sinner, but hate the sin. And sometimes the sin causes separation, not the actual sinner. But I can't be having lunch with you if all you do is yell and scream. I ain't got time to do that. And I'm not gonna revisit this negotiation 14 times in the next 14 years. We're gonna decide it and then I'm through talking about it. And by the way, I'm through thinking about it after that, too. I'm done. That's the other recap. That last thing I told him is very important. Get it behind you. Because all of us have been in this where the drama queen in our head is doing a dance like abba's in your head singing or something. And it's just dancing around. You're ruminating, you're playing back. I should have said this. I could have said that. And I wonder if this. And I wonder what' going on. You can't figure out what other people's crap is. That's their crap. You just got to give them room to deal with it and love them where they are. But that doesn't mean you get to steal from me or negotiate an unfair deal because of this. But I think it's helpful to. The third point is we'll go back to the original suggestion early in the call. And when you've got a situation like this, it's always good too to say, let's have a difficult conversation. Let's have 10 minutes of discomfort here and awkwardness. And I want you to tell me what's really going on because I'm having trouble with this. You're going to have to explain to me why you're not keeping your word. You're going to have to explain to me why you're doing XYZ because I'm not okay with it. And you need to help me get inside your head for a minute and so I can try to help meet you where you are so we can maintain relationship. But if you can't give me reasons, then I'm gonna just set it down and we're gonna decide. And then you're gonna have to live with my decision. Cause I'm actually in control of this. So those are the recaps on this. But 100% of the time. So let's go all the way back in this particular call and know that this is with all of you out there. This is the same going on. There was a time that David was a little boy and his dad divorced his mom and left and his single mother divorced mother raised him and they had a fractured, intermittent relationship. That little boy is still here. He still his dad still left. And now he's trying to be a man. And all of us face these things and square his shoulders and make these decisions. But that little boy that got hurt by that divorce is in this conversation. And I don't know why that dad left. I don't know what was going on. Maybe the mom misbehaved. I don't know. I don't know what happened. But this thing began then. It didn't begin 90 days ago. And so go all the way back. And that helps you have empathy and sympathy and understand what's going on inside your own heart. Plus what's going on with the old man as well. And that's what you're looking at. So very, very interesting, folks. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to like, share and subscribe for more real world, world leadership content. I'm your host, Dave Ramsey. This is Entree Leadership.