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- [00:06]
Host
What keeps people from being successful? And why do some successful leaders completely fall apart? There's no one better to answer those questions than my guest today, Brian Buffini. He's a best selling author and leadership expert who's built a multi million dollar real estate coaching business. Here's what Brian will tell you. There's a pattern. Most leaders slip into it without even realizing it. And once you see it, you may realize that you have too. And, and Brian's here to show us how to break that pattern and get back on track. So let's get into it. Well Brian, thanks so much for being here today.
- [00:39]
Brian Buffini
My pleasure.
- [00:40]
Host
You've spoken before. And one of the things that I thought was so applicable to our audience, small business owners, is the conversation that we had about how leaders kind of drift, how they lose their way and maybe they run into some unintentional detours. And I was hoping that we could talk about that today.
- [01:00]
Brian Buffini
Well, you know my background, I mean I'm 40 years in this and 30 years in the coaching business. Nobody wakes up on any given day saying I'm going to screw up my life today. I'm going to destroy my marriage today. I'm going to get big and fat today. I'm going to get broke today. The most deadly thing in the coaching business is the word drift. Because it's silent. You don't notice it, you don't experience it until you get to a place and you go, I don't recognize where I am, I don't see land anywhere. And then any entrepreneur worth his salt, any human being worth their salt, is going to say this phrase, how did I get here? How did I get here? And it's never this conscious decision, it's a series of unconscious decisions, it's a series of neglect. We get busy, right? The two things that'll test you, success and failure. I will say in my experience I've had greater levels of drift and success because you confuse the results with your fundamentals. So drift is the big word. And if people are listening to this today, watching this today, if you can, this is what you need outside perspective. You need help. You know, I got five grandkids, so I go back and see them and say, oh, they weren't doing that a month ago. They, the young ones, like yeah, they were. Cuz the mom and dad can't see it. But I come in, it's like, hang on, he was not giggling and rolling on his tummy. This kid wasn't throwing with his right hand. So the same thing with us as adults, and we do it in business. And it's the tyranny, the urgent, the busyness of the day. You do your to do list, you go home, what did I get done today? And then you wake up one morning, you go, how did I get here? And it's a silent killer.
- [02:42]
Host
Yeah, I've had that moment, you know, and it's a scary moment because you really don't know how you got there. And that's what I appreciated so much as we talked about that is you've seen so much in coaching thousands and thousands of people over 30 years. We were just in your office. You have a tremendous team helping a whole lot of people not do what you just talked about doing. Right. And so let's walk through a little bit. The things that you see, the patterns of, what causes that, what caused them to get there. I know it's drift, but let's break that down.
- [03:15]
Brian Buffini
Sure. Well, it's a descending order. So it starts with just little things you notice. And so we call them the five detours on the road to success. And so it starts with this lack of motivation. Okay, well, what happens? You know, one of my favorite verses says, never grow weary in doing good. We all grow weary in doing good. It wouldn't be in the book if we didn't. So what happens is you get a couple of complaining clients. It takes a little bit of sales. You get, look, I've employed thousands of people. Everybody seems normal till you hire them, you know, and then you go, oh, I didn't know you were kind of psychotic. Like, I didn't know that. Like, you interviewed great. You thought you were great. I live in San Diego. We got some crazy people in California. And so you seem normal.
- [04:03]
Host
Yeah.
- [04:04]
Brian Buffini
And so you get a few people like that. Every human being has a check written on their trust account. So now you're running a business, you have people let you down. You have clients give you some negative feedback and you're grinding along. And then the third piece is sometimes you don't see any progress. And by the way, the most important business seasons in your life is when you're doing the right thing and you don't see the progress. So that's why you got to focus on the activity and not the outcome. If you don't, you get this loss of motivation.
- [04:34]
Sponsor/Announcer
Yeah.
- [04:35]
Brian Buffini
And so when you do that, it's just, you kind of start losing a bit of juice in your tank.
- [04:38]
Host
So talk to me a little bit about that because I hear also that you gotta do what you gotta do. Regardless of motivation. You know, like our buddy Jocko, right? He would say, you know, you don't feel motivated. You broke your leg.
- [04:51]
Sponsor/Announcer
Good.
- [04:52]
Host
What do you mean when you say motivation? Because you just said when you're not seeing the results, when it's not fun. What I'm hearing is the grind. But is it what is motivation by your definition? Great.
- [05:03]
Brian Buffini
And look, look, we're in a full cycle. You know, your boss, Dave Ramsey and I are great friends. Well, we became linked because we were raised up in the positive motivational world. Zig Ziglars and Jim Rohn and Charlie Tremendous Jones. And we would go to seminars to get fired up and motivated. And now today it's like, ah, motivation sucks. And all the latest books and whatever. Motivation's not a real thing. None of that's true. Here's the thing. Everything you do in life, you do it with motivation. You do something better. Now what people are ultimately talking about is motivation is an external application to you. And Zig used to say, no, motivation doesn't last, neither does bathing. That's why we do it daily. So what you need is inspiration. Like, what's the purpose, everybody? Here's what you'll hear today. And again, not to sound like grandpa, get off my lawn. But I am a grandpa and I do mind telling people to get off my lawn. And so I want purpose. I want purpose. I want to feel passion. I just want to feel purpose. I just got out of college, I've never had a job. I want purpose. No, you need a J, O, B and pay a B, I, L, L, that's what you need. And I have a very purpose driven life. The word passion comes from the Greek word paseo. And the word paseo means to suffer. What are you willing to suffer for? What are you willing to suffer for? If you're an entrepreneur, if you're suffering just for money, you're going to have a loss of motivation. If you're suffering just for status, you'll have a loss of motivation. You know, I always say, out of your pain comes your purpose, right? So here I'm the poor immigrant. I want to afford a better opportunity for my kids. I'm a guy who always desired mentoring and never got it. I got it through books and tapes from afar. So what do I do? I build the largest coaching company in the world to try to give people what I always desired. I'm willing to suffer for that. I'm willing to go through recessions for that. I'm currently in a real estate coaching business. I'm on my fifth major recession now. My wife's like, are you ever gonna
- [07:05]
Sponsor/Announcer
get tired of this?
- [07:06]
Brian Buffini
And I'm like, no. And it's like, bring it on. So I'm willing to suffer. I'm willing to go through hard times. So motivation does come and go. But even with that, like, I. When I need it, I'll watch, if I have to, a rerun of Rudy sacking the quarterback. I. I have music in the car that gets me jacked up and right on the edge of getting a ticket, you know? So I'll do stuff like that. I read books. I go back and watch YouTube clips of OG Mandino or the Great Zig Ziglar or Jim Rohn. I'll do all that stuff. Yeah. So I have the passion. But you need motivation, and it's like topping off your car with the gas. So what I see is, when. Here's the real thing, you don't have symptoms of lack of motivation. Here's the symptom. You start becoming critical, you start becoming negative. You start nitpicking. You start finding fault with everyone. Every client, every staff. Everything that's done, you start nitpicking. And the real deal is you're losing your juice. And so now that starts to spiral down.
- [08:04]
Host
Yeah.
- [08:05]
Brian Buffini
So that first one is a big one.
- [08:07]
Host
All that nitpicking kind of sounds like it's complaining about the suffering that you referenced earlier. Right. Because that purpose is gonna require putting up with all of that.
- [08:17]
Brian Buffini
And here's the thing. You don't just suffer needlessly for years. I'm 30 years. There's been some highlights. You know, I got some fun things. And so then what has it done? You gotta replace it with gratitude. You know, Dave and I were at dinner last night and talking about all these people we've met, and I'm like, I'm a house painter from Dublin who grew up with 10 people in a 710 square foot house. And we're sitting there. Yeah, I know that president. Yeah. Met this guy, met that speaker, met that. And we're sitting there exchanging stories, as we always do, because we've kind of both lived this Forrest Gump type life, you know?
- [08:46]
Host
Yeah. I want to brag on you for a second because you are, correct me if I say this wrong, you are the second largest distributor of thank you cards in the world.
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Brian Buffini
Yeah. Behind Hallmark.
- [08:58]
Host
Behind Hallmark.
- [08:59]
Brian Buffini
Yeah.
- [08:59]
Host
Because of that gratitude. That's a foundation of your business.
- [09:02]
Brian Buffini
I forgot about that. Yeah. So, yeah, we provide because I'm big into personal notes. And the more the world becomes tech and AI, the more that personal note becomes powerful, impactful. And so we're all about building relationships with our customers and for their customers. So we provide millions of personal notes to our customers to express that, hey, thanks for your business, you know, appreciate you. Thanks for your referral. Hey, just so you know, sorry that one problem came up. Just so you know, we're on it. And it's just like, when was the last time you did business? Somebody and someone at the front desk said, hey, thanks for your business. I mean, if you do the basics, you know, we were out here in Tennessee. I have a kid who's looking around for a house, and we're walking through, and I was talking to this contractor and he goes, how can I be good? And I go, here's how you be great. I'm gonna show up at 9 o' clock on Monday morning. And you show up, you start the job when you say you're gonna start it, and you work on the job till you finish it. You're in the top 5%. Now, I know you have a lot of contractors, let me tell you. I know that sounds. But that is right now, puts you in the top 5%, if you will, do the basic fundamental things and then say, thanks for your business. And I'm never too busy for any of your referrals. You're a rock star.
- [10:17]
Host
You're golden.
- [10:17]
Brian Buffini
You're a rock star.
- [10:18]
Host
Yeah. As you say, all of that, I think of all of the contractors that haven't done. Because that's the norm. Okay. So the motivation that gives you the forward momentum, right. That gets you moving, but that doesn't necessarily dictate the destination. Right. Like where you're gonna end up. So I know direction is a big part of what you've seen. Talk a little bit about that.
- [10:42]
Brian Buffini
Most business owners aim for nothing and hit it with amazing accuracy. And so you gotta know exactly what you're going to to do. One of the great again, Forrest Gump life. I had Neil Armstrong come to one of our events, by the way, he hadn't made a public appearance in 15 years. How do I get Neil Armstrong in 2004 to show up to my seminar? I started writing in personal notes. And by the fifth one, not badger him, but by the fifth one, he never responded. He wrote on my note, are you going to keep sending me notes? And sent it back to me. And I took a red marker yes. And sent it back to him. And I got a phone call. So how does an Irish house Painter, who was a realtor, who trains realtors, gets the first man on the moon to show up. So I'm sitting there, we have 5,000 people in this event. And it was, I mean, it was a quintessential experience. It was like sitting at grandpa's feet and he's telling you stories and he's our Magellan, right? So I said, how did he do it? It's 1960s. They basically one half of the technology in that cockpit that you have in your iPhone straddle to a nuclear missile. So strap your rear end to a nuclear missile with like a dial up phone. That's what he had.
- [11:51]
Host
Yeah.
- [11:52]
Brian Buffini
And they had 11 branches of the government, 40 companies, a $40 billion project in the 60s. And he said, was this, he goes, everyone knew their goal and everyone knew, we're going to put a man on the moon, bring them safely to Earth. That's when Armstrong signed up. Bring him safely to Earth by the end of the decade. Most perfect goal ever written. We're going to put a man on the moon, bring him safely to Earth by the end of the decade. And he said every night, everyone in the space program, when they looked up, they saw their goal. Every night that moon's in the sky, everybody sees the goal. And America put a man on the moon before the end of the decade. When Kennedy made that speech, another Irishman, America had not launched a rocket without it exploding, unmanned at the time. When he said the statement, the engineers went, we're doing what? And you have an engineering background?
- [12:46]
Host
Yep.
- [12:47]
Brian Buffini
They're like, what? Man on the moon, Safety to Earth, end of the decade. Every entrepreneur needs that. And they need to work and work and work until that goal. Is that clear? What am I doing? Why am I doing it? What's the outcome and what am I trying to do it by? That's the most perfect goal ever written, in my opinion. And so that's the direction we all need.
- [13:07]
Host
Why do people miss that? Why is it just inertia? All the people that you've worked with, is that extra work is that, you know, Henry Ford says thinking is the hardest work we should possibly do. I mean, you just said it so succinctly. Why do people not do that?
- [13:22]
Brian Buffini
Well, look, it's hard. We all lose perspective. That drift comes. The next thing is, you're like, we're like a mole. And you dig, dig, dig, dig. I'm working every day, dig, dig, dig. And you pop up. It's like whack, you know, the market, whack. Interest rates. Like, hey, what's going on? My assistant's bat nuts crazy. How did that happen? So we're all in need of the direction. There was a great little booklet brought out in the church years ago called the Tyranny of the Urgent as a tiny little booklet. And it was basically Jesus teaching on people who are busy. And I always remember the story of like, hey, I, Jesus, come quickly, your friend Lazarus is dying. And then it says, and he waited three days. Now, no offense, I love Jesus, but like, if he's my friend, I don't want you waiting three days. But like, I'm on life support and Jesus waited three days. Yeah, the tyranny of the urgent. And so what happens is, you know, Stephen Covey used to talk about first things first. And you have the four quadrants. You remember that?
- [14:20]
Host
Yeah, yeah.
- [14:20]
Brian Buffini
And so the key over here with the goals is it's what's urgent. And important is one what's not urgent, not important. And that's where goals live.
- [14:29]
Host
Okay.
- [14:30]
Brian Buffini
Was it urgent for America to put a man on the moon? That was testy because America had to beat them Russkies, you know, so there was competition, but it wasn't an urgent goal yet it changed America forever, changed technology forever. So if you're the owner of the business, you can't act like the employee of the business. You gotta call timeout. You got to get above us. You can't stay down in it like a mole. You got to get above it without the direction you're going to hit. Nothing.
- [14:56]
Host
Say a little bit more about that line. If you're the owner of the business, you can't act like an employee of the business. What do you mean by that?
- [15:03]
Brian Buffini
So I own a company that has hundreds of employees and I do work like I'm a working chairman, like I do speaking. And I, I'm the lead salesman for the company and I do, I work, I create content for the company. As the owner entrepreneur, I have to take time out. What's going on in the market? Where are we at as a company? Where have we been? What's going on? What do we see? Where are the innovations? Where's the technologies? Where's the market going? Okay, it doesn't take a rocket scientist. People are building houses in Tennessee. Don't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. You might want to have some infrastructure here. You know, my son in law is here, he's a basketball coach. I'm looking around going, I don't see a lot of gyms. Might be a good opportunity to build A gym. All these families want to have personal training and have sports for their kids. So I'm driving around, not looking at houses, I'm looking at dirt going, where could we build a gym? So, you know, find a need, fill a need. That's because I'm above it.
- [15:57]
Host
Okay.
- [15:58]
Brian Buffini
I'm not coaching basketball.
- [15:59]
Host
Okay.
- [16:00]
Brian Buffini
He's coaching basketball. He's not thinking like I'm thinking. He's a young man just learning his craft. You got to get up above it. You got to get clear. And so the key is the off site. You gotta get off site, you gotta go to a location. Hopefully you go with somebody. You could start by yourself, but you need to synergize and brainstorm.
- [16:16]
Host
Right.
- [16:17]
Brian Buffini
Because good ideas get better over time. Yeah, but, you know, you start with this and you go, okay, maybe I've noticed a little lack of motivation. Hey, maybe I'm. No, I'm in need of direction now. It's like, I gotta get above it.
- [16:28]
Host
Yeah.
- [16:28]
Brian Buffini
If you're the entrepreneur, you've got to create it. You don't have to perfect. Doesn't have to be perfect, but you do have to create it.
- [16:35]
Sponsor/Announcer
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- [17:55]
Host
As I think about our audience and the people out there in the communities around the country making it happen every day with their small business isolation. Like, we're talking about this stuff, and it's like, yeah, man, this all sounds exactly like what needs to happen. But it's tough to do on your
- [18:10]
Brian Buffini
own right in America. America has the death penalty, which a lot of countries don't have. In some states, the second cruelest punishment that the American judicial system can place upon a human being is to lock them up by themselves. You are either a grievous criminal or we need to punish you for certain acts maybe you did in the prison. And in order to punish you the most severely, we're going to put you by yourself,
- [18:43]
Host
solitary confinement.
- [18:45]
Brian Buffini
So isolate. People do that all the time. And oh, by the way, since COVID it's become culturalized. I was a young man who works for me named David Lally. He has a band in. And you met Dave. He's a creative guy, so he has this band, he's got this huge following in Oceanside where we are. And we were out, I was actually doing an off site with him on content. We go down for breakfast and this gal walks up and I get, oh, are you Brian Buffini? Are you Brian Buffini? This guy walks up and she goes, oh, are you David Lally? And I'm like, what? She goes, oh, I come to hear your band all the time. She goes, now, since COVID I really haven't been out much. And I said to her, what do you do? I watch a lot of Netflix and this and that. And I said to her, do you miss going to see the band? And she goes, oh, of course. I said, what do you miss the most? Of course David's standing there. I miss the music, I miss Dave rocking out. She goes, I miss vibing with people. And I said, the problem is it's easy to vibe with people. The problem is it's easier to stay home, watch Netflix. Well, it's easier to do that in business. You know, one of the things we do is we do this big survey every year what people do with their day and admin.
- [19:54]
Host
That gives me a shiver just thinking.
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Brian Buffini
Admin, social media, emails, errands, that's what dominates the day. I shared this in Entre leadership. We get people 3% of their day talking to a customer and we magically have people double their income because we have them spend 6% of their day talking to the customer. Buffini, you're a genius. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. There's no Irish space program, right? There are no geniuses in Ireland. We tried to go up to the sun, we went up at night. There are no Irish space programs. They think about drinking and fighting. I can take someone from 3% to 6% and double their income from 3% to 9% genius. They triple their income. The key is to reduce those other things. Here's the thing, that's what AI can do for people. It can reduce some of these tasks so that you do the most important stuff now. So self reflection and time can rejuvenate. Isolation depletes no human being. 1 and 1 when masterminded together equal 11. So that's why we're better together. And so that's why it's crucial for entrepreneurs to get together. That's why entre leadership. I say it on stage every time and Dave always looks at me. I go, for some of you, the best thing that will happen at this conference is not even this lineup of speakers. That's second to none for some of you. It's the conversation at breakfast or in the hall. And you go, this person's right where I am. They've gone through exactly what I've gone through and all of a sudden they're not isolated. And so I will say this. We have to take the self out of self employed. You have to. Because by myself, you know, I'm capable of some real clangers.
- [21:33]
Host
Yeah.
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Brian Buffini
You know, so I just think that isolation is real, deadly.
- [21:36]
Host
It is. And I know exactly. I've seen it time and time again where people connect in the lobby or they connect in one of our groups and it makes a huge difference. But what doesn't always come with that. I was thinking about our previous conversation about accountability. There's something about accountability that feels like it's built on what you just said. But there's some, there's some intentionality that comes along with it.
- [21:58]
Brian Buffini
Yeah. My phrase is, so I run a coaching company which its predominant product is accountability. And I say everybody wants accountability till they get it right. And it's, you know, we have entrepreneurs, patience. Right. If I wanted a boss, I wouldn't be self employed. I wouldn't own my own business.
- [22:15]
Host
Right.
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Brian Buffini
So why do I want accountability? Well, here's the thing. I have a beautiful gym in my home, but I have this guy named Rico that comes four days a week because I can look at that equipment and just walk right by it, or I can busy it up, or I can start answering emails, but that guy's coming at seven in the morning and I got to go do it. And it's that I will say, one of the greatest secrets of our success. Every single coaching call is always finished up with, okay, what's our next action steps? And then the most important part of the coaching call is we're scheduling the next one. So, okay, John, we're going to talk in two weeks. And here's 30 years. We've done 3 million coaching sessions as a company. Imagine that.
- [22:54]
Host
Wow.
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Brian Buffini
So let me give you this. So let's say today's the. Let's say today is the 27th of July and we have a coaching session and we're going to meet on the 10th of August and we agree. I'm going to do these three things. Here is 90% of our business. By about the 5th of August, this person has done nothing on the list, hasn't even looked at it. They know in three days I got a coaching call and a flurry of activity breaks out. And they go, I got this one done, I got half of this one done. And I don't ever remember agreeing to the third one. And that. And we have people, you know, we have people in our coaching program 25, 26 years over time, that little incremental action that gets done, you do that every two weeks. That means over the course of, let's say, 25 coaching sessions in a year, that person did 25 or 35 action steps they would not have done. And that compound interest is the eighth wonder of the world. Compound activity is the ninth wonder of the world. So if you compound those activities now, it becomes explosive.
- [23:55]
Host
That's a. That reminds me of James Clear. Right? Didn't he say, you know, get 1% better and then, you know, it makes a world of difference when you stack that up over time. I know that you talked about drift a little bit, like thematically, but I also know it's its own thing, right? What is the actual threat there and the counterpoint to it?
- [24:17]
Brian Buffini
How do you do you remember the band Talkin Heads? Remember the guy you had the big giant shoulder pads? It was a huge head.
- [24:23]
Host
I don't remember any of that, Brian. I remember Willie Nelson.
- [24:26]
Brian Buffini
Willie Nelson. Okay, great, great. Well, this is for non rednecks, this particular dynamic. So you asked me a question, I'm gonna give you an answer. I'm trying to broaden your hor. Trying to let you know there's more to life than Franklin, Tennessee. And so there was this show and he would say, where is my beautiful wife? Where is my beautiful house? How did I get here? And it's making the days go by. When a boat drifts, it eventually hits something. It hits a rock, it hits a pier, it hits another boat when you're just fully drifting. A boat will always hit something. The key is, and with personal growth, is to recognize it sooner. You know, it's getting off and on the wagon. Right. The goal is to get back on the wagon as quick as you can. So for me, it's not like people go, oh, when did you conquer this in your life, Brian? I've never conquered that. What I recognize. That used to take me three months to recognize, and now I can sometimes get there in the same day. I will say this. It is the most undiagnosed dynamic. It is the number one reason for failure in business. Above all, it's the number one failure for health problems, the number one reason for financial problems. Nobody goes out and goes, I'm filing bankruptcy in one day.
- [25:41]
Sponsor/Announcer
Right.
- [25:42]
Brian Buffini
I mean, what's this whole organization built around?
- [25:44]
Host
Yeah.
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Brian Buffini
You know, so, no, it's a little bit here. I bought the pizza instead of making. I got the Starbucks instead of making the coffee at home. You know, I eat out again, I put it on a card. They got a 10% discount at the store. And then here it comes, and here it goes. Oh, it's 21% interest. Here it comes, here it comes. And you drift and you drift and you wake up one day and you go, and here's what happens now. I'm up the creek without a paddle. The interest rate's 26%, and now I'm looking. I need the pain to go away. I'm filing bankruptcy. Well, that happens in every area of life and especially in business. So the key is, you got to arrest it before. And that's why. Here's the thing. None of us is as smart as all of us. There's a reason I own a coaching company that. Accountability, talking to people, keeping one on track, brainstorming, connecting, you know, I come to Ramsey. Dave shares things with me to help me grow my business. Ramsey comes to Buffini, we help to grow your guys business because we gotta get out of isolation and get into steering. The opposite of drifting is to steer.
- [26:46]
Sponsor/Announcer
Yeah.
- [26:46]
Brian Buffini
And George Bernard Shaw, great Irish playwright, said, to be in hell is to drift and to be in heaven is to steer. So you got to steer that boat.
- [26:54]
Host
I love that. My dad always said, if your hand's not on the tiller, you're just along for the ride. So it's not quite as eloquent as your guy.
- [27:01]
Brian Buffini
Not bad. Not bad. Well, you know.
- [27:03]
Host
Well, we were at a Willie. Willie Nelson concert.
- [27:05]
Brian Buffini
Yeah, sure. Of course you were. That's it. Chewing tobacco.
- [27:09]
Host
It connected.
- [27:10]
Brian Buffini
Yeah. That's great. So, you know, he sound like a wise man.
- [27:13]
Host
He. He is indeed. Frankly, as I sit here and I listen to you talk through these five kind of detours or risks, man, it feels like I'm in a coaching session. Like, I'm. I'm having stuff in my head like I. I gotta be careful about that or I gotta do something about that. But I know from your experience and your entire coaching team's experience, you really actually have an antidote for every one of those things. That's pretty surgical. Strike. Like, this is how you correct that. And I'd love if. If we could walk through those. And.
- [27:43]
Brian Buffini
Yeah, I mean, it's not voodoo. Like, people think it's some kind of voodoo. Like, if you think about it, we're doing something. For 30 years, our average agent in a real estate business makes 10 times that of their competitors. We've been doing that for three decades, by the way. These people were making this money when they met us. So it's not about education. It's not about iq. It is about I do. And it's about having routines and structures. So I will say this. If you're trying to get motivated in your life and get your business on track, win the day. Win the morning. Win the day. If you win your morning, you win the day. So what are the routines, the no matter what routines? And so I have some no matter what routines. Now, I'll tell you, it's very hard when you're traveling as much as I travel, but sometimes I have to replace my morning routine with an evening routine. Doesn't work as well, but I got it done. But it's like, for me, when I'm in my routine, I'm in my sweet spot and I have strength. When I'm not in my sweet spot, I'm using other reserves. I'm using adrenaline, I'm using sugar. I'm using force. Some people use anger. And so you're using the wrong, you know, fuels.
- [28:54]
Host
Yeah, you're burning the wrong fuels, and
- [28:56]
Brian Buffini
eventually you're going to burn out. Right. So it's, I'll say this, you know, window Morning. There's a great book called Miracle Morning. Hal Elrod is his name, and he's great. And it's nothing that's not out there in a number of places. And if you listen to all the YouTubers, there's like, here's the 97 things to do every morning. It's like, I just finished. It's midnight. And it's like, no, I need a couple of things.
- [29:18]
Host
I mean, my skin routine, you know,
- [29:19]
Brian Buffini
it takes care of.
- [29:20]
Sponsor/Announcer
It does, it does.
- [29:21]
Brian Buffini
Look, I was noticing that do of yours. It's Very nice. So here's what I'm gonna say. You gotta have a few basic things you're gonna do every day that are just. No matter what that are like, okay, I'm gonna have to get up early or do this. And so I think you do it personally. You know, the flight attendant. Put the mask on yourself before you put it on a kid. You have to put the mask on yourself personally. You know, you gotta. You know, I'm married to an Olympic athlete, and she's just different. And she's different about routines.
- [29:50]
Sponsor/Announcer
Yeah.
- [29:51]
Brian Buffini
And I have kids that have operated at that level. And so she is a routine queen. And that's how she gets these high levels of performance. And so you've got to take care of yourself first. You do, which is not a natural state for me. I gotta take care of myself first. I am no good to my team, and I'm no good for my customers if I don't take care of myself. And so then you're just running on empty. You're running on adrenaline. You get sloppy. And so that morning routine is everything. And it could be three, four, when I'm in full flow and I'm home. I got five things I do every morning when I'm on the road, it's three. And when I do those, it's happening. Yeah.
- [30:34]
Host
It's almost like it's just automatic, you know, you're not making decisions at that point.
- [30:38]
Brian Buffini
That's right.
- [30:38]
Host
You're just going through the motions because, you know, the motions are what you need to set your day up. What about the lack of direction? What is your counterpoint to that? How do you correct that when people find themselves doing that?
- [30:51]
Brian Buffini
Well, you know the word plan? Of course. Just like motivation. And you don't have to have a Harvard degree to know what a plan is. Right. You need a list of goals. You need some action steps to achieve the goals, timeline for the action steps and the money to pay for it. I mean, there you go. I just saved you spending a lot of money at Harvard, you know, Great. Give you the four things, they'll charge you 250 grand. I won't even teach you that. So you need a plan, right? Failing to plan, planning to fail. All true. Cause you think about it. Let's say you're driven. And we use the analogy of driving the car. Now, I'm out here, Tennessee. I really am not. I've been to a few places, but let's say I'm fired up. I'm energized. I get up, I Work out, have me Wheaties. I get in the car, I got a nice high performance truck. I rent it.
- [31:39]
Host
Yes.
- [31:39]
Brian Buffini
And I have no map, but I'm gonna get to Dave Ramsey's house. Hey, do you know where Dave Ramsey. No. And I'm driving and I'm going 100 miles an hour. And I could drive all day, drive all day, finish up, exhaust. And I'm no closer to Dave Ramsey's house than I was at the start of the day. And someone goes, hey, here's a map. Oh, now they have GPS now. Hey, we can put it in your truck. It'll turn the wheel for you. So you have to have a plan. Otherwise all the effort in the world, all the best intentions in the world. And so, you know, it's a great verse that says, commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. The presumption is, you got one, right? So if God presumes I have a plan, better have one. And so you can't commit it. You can't commit to the works if you don't have the plan. So it's just flying blind.
- [32:30]
Host
You were talking earlier about, you have the plan, you've got the motivation, but you need the accountability to make sure, day in and day out. I'm going to put a little twist on this and I might be in trouble with you.
- [32:42]
Brian Buffini
Good.
- [32:42]
Host
What should you look for in somebody that you're connecting with for accountability? You know, we say, hey, don't be in isolation. You gotta. You gotta put people around you.
- [32:52]
Brian Buffini
Yeah.
- [32:53]
Host
Just anybody.
- [32:54]
Brian Buffini
Well, I think, I think the accountability comes in multiple ways. Okay, Right. So obviously coaching is a formal commitment. And what it does is I'm investing myself, I'm investing time and money. And we've had people come to us and go do the coaching thing. To me, this is a participation sport.
- [33:11]
Host
Yeah, fix me.
- [33:11]
Brian Buffini
Yeah, no, this is a participation sport. And so here's the bottom line. Not everybody's coachable. A lot of people think they are, but are you actually. Do you have the humility and the desire to grow? Do you hate being stuck where you are and losing more than the humility it requires to grow? So that's one. The next thing is accountability also comes with a buddy. Okay, so let's say I might hire a personal trainer. But I like. I used to a half marathon every other month until I had an injury.
- [33:41]
Host
Well, every other month.
- [33:42]
Brian Buffini
Yep. Six a year. It sounds good. The way I say it was six half marathons a year.
- [33:46]
Host
That still sounds good.
- [33:48]
Brian Buffini
All right. But I had a Running buddy.
- [33:49]
Host
Okay.
- [33:50]
Brian Buffini
And so not a paid coach, but we had a running buddy. And so, like I say, there were some mornings I didn't want to get out of bed and I was a little gimpy and the hips a little sore and, you know, we'd done a few miles, whatever, a couple days before. But because my buddy was there, I'm showing up at the corner and like, it gets cold in San Diego. Like, you can get down into the 60s. Yeah. I mean, getting out of bed at 60 degrees. Yeah, you gotta watch it, man.
- [34:14]
Host
That's rough.
- [34:15]
Brian Buffini
You can catch something.
- [34:16]
Host
You might have to wear long pants.
- [34:17]
Brian Buffini
So seven in the morning and I gotta go see my buddy down at the corner. I'm going, so not a paid coach, but now I have this accountability. And then the third part of that is being in some kind of community, you know, being connected. Churches have done this with small groups. In fact, most churches survive today because of the small groups. They're big churches. And, you know, if you fell down in a heart attack in a parking lot, they just put cones around, just keep the traffic moving. We don't want to be late. You know, it's like, hey, you know, third service is coming. He'd be fine, you know, but you got 12 people in a small group and it's like, hey, how's John doing? I didn't see him last week. So having that connection and community, I think, by the way, harder for men than for women. But I think you got to seek it out. And it could be chamber of commerce. Latip, you guys do a great job with small groups. You actually put people in small groups and we do the same.
- [35:08]
Host
Right.
- [35:08]
Brian Buffini
So we have whatever, 300 small groups that meet around the United States and Canada of people who get together once a month. So I think you want the coach that's next level. A buddy on the journey with you and a community that cures your isolation and gets you on path. Plenty of accountability there, maybe you said.
- [35:26]
Host
But I want you to say a little bit more when you're just with the buddy, when you're a peer, like when you go play golf with Dave and some other buddies, it's not necessarily about accountability. It's something else that's happening in that dynamic when you're in community. Talk a little bit more about that, if you will.
- [35:40]
Brian Buffini
Yeah, well, you know, birds of a feather flock together.
- [35:43]
Host
Right.
- [35:43]
Brian Buffini
You know, and we all know the stories. You want to be an eagle, don't hang out with the ducks.
- [35:46]
Host
Right.
- [35:47]
Brian Buffini
But that's true.
- [35:48]
Host
Yeah.
- [35:48]
Brian Buffini
So I'LL give you an example. Dave does this golf trip every year. He has a bunch of buddies, bunch of characters. You know, you're there. Yeah, yeah. And so I had hurt my arm, and I was like, dave, I don't want to take a spot. You know, I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to play. I was a pretty serious golfer a long time ago. And he goes, oh, it's not that kind of trip. He goes, a lot of these guys, you'll be able to do better one arm than most of these guys. Okay, now, so what happened was there's three things. One day I went down, and he's a master, in my opinion. Most people would know this, but Dave Ramsey, his greatest gift is his ability to connect people. Yeah, he's a connector, and he's able to connect people you think would never belong with one another. So he puts amazing people together. So that's kind of a gift. Then comes the synergy and the joy of that. And then I also played golf every day, and I had not been playing much golf. It wasn't a solar arm. I just hadn't been playing much golf. And I went out there and I had flashes, and then I had other flashes. And I came away from that trip gone. You know, golf has always been a big deal to me. Again, I don't need to try to prove a point with it, but I'm like, I want to go out and be proficient the way I have been in the past. And I could see I was working too much, and I made a commitment. And so I took a few lessons again. Hadn't taken lessons in years. Started practicing with my kid, getting in it now, by the way, when I go to the next trip, there's going to be a can of whoop on these boys. But the. But the point was, like, that was something I didn't go there for.
- [37:14]
Host
Okay?
- [37:14]
Brian Buffini
And so that's the part of the thing is more is caught than taught. And so that's where connection, accountability, synergy. You just can't do it alone. And right now, our world is designed to be isolated, alone, and get all your answers from AI. That ain't leading anywhere good.
- [37:32]
Host
No, that's not good. The theme over all of this is people drift. They get off course. How do you counteract that? How do you prevent that? What is the antidote or the medicine that you take to prevent drift?
- [37:46]
Brian Buffini
So let's go back to our Neil Armstrong. So Kennedy makes his speech in 1962 at Rice University. You gotta look at it. Why does Rice play Texas? Not because it's easy, but because it's hard. Right. And he does this whole, we're gonna go to the moon and do these other things because they're hard. Right. Well, so you have 1962 to the end of the decade. So they put together their goal. We're going to put a man on the moon. Safe there. That's the goal. Well, now you break it down. Reverse scheduling is technically what they call it. What are all the steps we got to do from July of 1969 to August of 1962? So you have now milestones. Oh, we're ahead, we're behind. You know, the milestones. You have. Not always a profit and loss, but not always not a profit and loss.
- [38:34]
Host
Right.
- [38:35]
Brian Buffini
What are the activities? How am I doing on the activities? Because if I really focus on the activities, the results are going to come. Where am I at staffing wise? Where am I at talent wise? Where am I at training wise? Where are my gaps? You have your goal, you have your milestones. And that's where that internal accountability comes. It's like, now I got performance things I got to meet. And by the way, the team needs to know as well.
- [38:56]
Host
Yeah.
- [38:57]
Brian Buffini
Just like all of these people in the program, like, okay, we gotta get a rocket in the air. We gotta find a way how to have a rocket come back down. You know Apollo 8, Jim Lovell, you know him better as Tom Hanks.
- [39:08]
Host
Yes.
- [39:08]
Brian Buffini
We had him at our seminar as well. And you wanna hear 6,000 people go silent in a seminar? I go, what did you think your chances of survival were? And he said, 20%. A billion people are watching live, including their families. So I go, what was your guy's mindset? And you never heard more silence in a ballroom in your life? He goes, we made a commitment until the last breath of oxygen we have, that we would report back our findings so the people who were on the next mission would learn from what happened to us. And it was just a matter of fact. He just kind of said it like that. Yeti's there and everyone's around like, these dudes are different. So that kind of dynamic that you're talking about, right. It's this process you're going to go through. You're going to make mistakes. You need that feedback. What are we doing? You're learning from everything. Every setback genuinely is feedback, you know, it's not the end of the game.
- [40:07]
Host
Yeah. You know what I'm thinking about is that as we go through these, you were talking earlier about what you have to do every morning, this routine, and the discipline that it's required. But then when I ask you about this and a bigger picture, it's almost the same answer writ large. It's like every morning, you are building the muscle to be disciplined, to hit the big goal on the big stage.
- [40:34]
Brian Buffini
You know why? Because I'm not a naturally disciplined person. I'm not a naturally disciplined. If there's football on, God bless. You know, I like that. You know, I've become American, you know.
- [40:46]
Host
Oh, you're talking about real football.
- [40:47]
Brian Buffini
I'm real football. You know, that SEC football. For real. You know, and so, like, I can get going, and I love to watch it, but I have to make it a treat for myself.
- [40:55]
Host
Yeah.
- [40:56]
Brian Buffini
Cause I can sit there all day long. And it's designed to have you sit there all day long. And then here comes Sunday, and, oh, by the way, now we have Monday, and then we have Thursday, and then I have Friday. And so you. Football season, you can do nothing but football. And I love football. But next thing you know, big old drift is coming in.
- [41:11]
Host
Yeah.
- [41:12]
Brian Buffini
So that dynamic of feedback, that dynamic of accountability, and then the other piece that is put. I want to. One thing I don't want to gloss over, because here's the fella, you know, he's on stage, he's speaking. He's. This butter didn't melt in his mouth. Oh, he's made gazillions, whatever. And I've had a lot of success. I've owned 47 businesses, 46 of them made money. The one that didn't is the most important experience of my life. The one that didn't. It brought me to the end of myself. It took me six hours to put a deal together. It took me six years to recover. I didn't just lose my money. I lost my confidence. And because what had happened was, you know, success, you start to get on a roll, and then you start to think it's you. Warren Buffett says you don't know who's swimming naked till the tide goes out. And all of a sudden, there's butt cheeks everywhere, and you're like, hold on a second here, bubba. You know those interest rates? That's what was making it work. So I will say this. I had a little bit of a pity party. This is back in. Oh, it's in the late 80s. And it's not that it was a lot of money. It was just all I had. And so it was 2.9 million bucks. And I lost on the sideline deal. I had the world by the tail, and everything I was touching was winning. And I got into this sideline deal, and it crushed me, and it basically undermined everything else I'd built. And I had a great mentor called Gene Kuhlman. And Gene said to me, okay, you've had your pity party. You've had your anger. A guy did something unethical in this deal to blow it all up. He said, brian, you've been to a $2.9 million seminar. And he was the guy that first introduced me to Zig Ziglar and Lou Holtz and whatever else. He said, you just paid $2.9 million for a seminar. What are you gonna do with the information that that mistake, which was hard, and it took me a long time to pay people back and do things and make things right. And it hurt me like no other. Made me a billion dollars. That's a fact. I created a business that did a billion dollars in sales directly from that mistake. So failure is not the end. Failure is feedback. And everybody goes through it. And everybody. I'll finish this. I'm going here. I was on a board, and we were on this board for this church, trying to build this building. And there were some guys in there, guys built. The guy who was there, he's passed now the guy who started Ugg Boots. And you know these guys, huge business people. And there was one guy at the end, it was our second board meeting, and he raises his hand and he goes, guys, I don't belong here. And he says, I'm sorry. I feel like a fraud. You know, you guys are all hugely successful businessmen. He says, I'm right now. I'm in the middle of a business failure. He said, my marriage is struggling, and I'm sitting here on this board, and we're talking about trying to build this big building for this church and whatever. So I'm just a total fraud. And the guy who developed Ugg Boots, who would. Very quiet. He was the chairman. He starts laughing now. Initially, I was kind of awkward. Like, this guy just kind of opened his soul at a board meeting, this guy said. And he goes, charlie, do you want the story or you want the whole story? He goes, we've all been there. We've all been there. And he said, I'll go first, and then we'll go in the circle. And he says, guys, we only have time for one of your big clangers. Not the top five. And one of the most successful group people I was ever with in my life. We all went around this table, eight of us sharing the major clangers we had had in our business. Terrible decisions, brutal mistakes. And this guy stood there, and it was the most affirmed I ever saw a man in my life. He felt like a fraud. He felt like a phony that he had nothing to offer. Turns out his idea was eventually what got the building built. That's not making it up. He had it about six months later. He came through with the breakthrough that made this thing happen. But he felt like he shouldn't even be there. Cause he'd made a mistake or because he was struggling or he was going through a bad time in his business. And a lot of people are going through a bad time. And so very wise older man. Everybody fess up. You're not alone. And that's why you want to go through it with people.
- [45:40]
Host
Yeah.
- [45:40]
Brian Buffini
You want to have a coach, a buddy, a partner, a group, a small group. Because life's hard on its own, you know? Yep.
- [45:47]
Host
I love that, Brian. And I know just about everybody that we work with has had that moment. They feel like they're the imposter. They feel like they don't belong there. They don't deserve to be there. And it's just a narrative that you need to not buy into.
- [46:02]
Brian Buffini
Yeah, life's hard enough without becoming your own opposition. Absolutely. You know, life's hard. Business is hard. Business. You know, I saw Dana White here recently, was doing an interview. So here's a guy who sold his business for $4 billion and has now, with the backing, has built it. It's about 20 times the size of what he sold it for. And he's been interviewed the other day, and he said, business is just a siege. He goes, it's a war. But he says, you know what? Some of us who are entrepreneurs were made for war. And, you know, he's a kind of UFC guy, but he's right. And it's like, you know, here's the truth in my mind. I want to. You know, there's a hammock with the beach and this and that, and I've got to be there right now. Here's the thing. I have the beach house. Right. And I'm here.
- [46:50]
Sponsor/Announcer
Right?
- [46:50]
Host
Yeah.
- [46:51]
Brian Buffini
I'm doing here. You know, what am I doing here in Nashville? Because I love it. Because it's great. Because I'm growing as a man, as a person, as a husband, the father, as a businessman.
- [47:02]
Sponsor/Announcer
Well.
- [47:02]
Brian Buffini
And so the struggle makes us stronger, you know?
- [47:04]
Host
Yep. Absolutely. And we love you and appreciate you coming and struggling with us.
- [47:10]
Brian Buffini
Yeah, it's the best.
- [47:11]
Host
Thank you, Brian.
- [47:11]
Brian Buffini
I always love being part of you guys.
- [47:13]
Host
Thank you.
- [47:13]
Brian Buffini
Take care.
- [47:15]
Host
Brian just told you, one of the keys to being successful in business, in anything, is having the right people around you. You need that accountability. You need that community. You need wise, encouraging people that you've given permission to to speak into your life. I know I need that and I know everybody does. If you need that person in your life, then here's my challenge to you. Connect with one of our entre leadership coaches. That's what they're here for. To pour into you. To pour into your business. To give you clear steps to move forward and hold you accountable to them. We'll put a link down in the description where you can schedule a free 30 minute phone call. And if you like this conversation, stick around for the next one where I sit down with Dave and happiness expert Arthur Brooks to talk about burnout, loneliness and how to build a meaningful life. Just click here or use the link in the description and be sure to like and subscribe for more real world leadership content. See you next time.