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- [00:06]
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One of the biggest mental hurdles some business owners have is to get through the guilt that comes with success. But guess what? There is a war on success out there. There's a group of people that have been taught by their communist college professor that success is evil. You didn't do anything wrong if you win. The only way to win in America's economy is to help a lot of people. And if you want to win big, you got to help a whole lot of people. A lot of people work their tails off to build something meaningful and then feel guil when the hard work actually pays off. And instead of owning their success, they shrink themselves down to make other people more comfortable. You don't have to be flashy, but you don't have to carry that guilt around. It can leak into everything. Your confidence, your decisions, and even the growth of the company. So today, Entree Leadership's head coach, John Felkins is talking about where this guilt actually comes from and how to lead confidently without losing yourself in the process. Let's get to it.
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After nearly 20 years of coaching business owners, many of whom were making millions of dollars, I realized something surprising. A lot of successful people feel guilty for winning. They feel guilty about the money or the cars and the businesses that they have built. They feel like they need to apologize for all of it. And maybe you feel that way, too. But emotions like guilt don't just randomly appear. There's usually something underneath the surface, a trigger or a pain point that's causing you to feel that way. When somebody says, I feel guilty, or it shows up in how they lead, the first thing I ask is, have you ever noticed a pattern of when this happens? And most of the time, it comes from one of three places. The first is judgment from others. When you start doing well for yourself, your success becomes a mirror for other people. And the mirror makes people uncomfortable and frequently angry. They aren't really angry at you. They're angry at themselves. And what your success reminds them of their lack of success. Your discipline reminds them of their excuses. Your growth reminds them that they're stuck. Your courage reminds them of the risks they never took. And instead of dealing with that themselves, they judge, they gossip. They make comments like, you just got lucky. I remember being at a Chick Fil a one day and overhearing a customer who said, I. Well, must be nice to have one of these. He had no idea the amount of work it took to own and successfully operate a Chick Fil A location. He was thinking that the owner just woke up one day and inherited A packed restaurant, great employees, and a profitable business. And that's how some people view others success. They see the money rolling in. But what they don't see is the hard work. They don't see the years of worrying about payroll, the stress of making a bad decision, or the kids soccer games that the owner had to miss. People only see the fruit. They almost never see the labor that it took. The Aussies have a saying for this tall poppy syndrome. If you've got a field full of poppies and one of them grows taller than the rest, people want to cut that poppy down. Not because something was wrong with it, but because it stood out. And the same happens in business. People who were perfectly fine with you when you were struggling suddenly become uncomfortable when you're succeeding. Suddenly, you're the tall poppy. And a lot of business owners respond by making themselves smaller and trying to stay relatable. They think if they become too successful, they'll lose connection with the people that they care about. So they downplay their wins and they try to hide their successes. Palmer Luckey, the inventor of the Oculus VR, is worth a fortune. And even though he can afford just about anything, he still wears Hawaiian shirts every day. He does that because as a kid, he got all the hand me downs in his family. He wore a lot of Hawaiian shirts, and he does it now because it reminds him of who he was before he got successful. While that's a good example of staying grounded, if you're not careful, you can allow other people's judgment to control how you see yourself and to determine whether or not you deserve success. A lot of people think of success like a cake. If I get a bigger piece, that means that there's less left over for everybody else. But Rabbi Lapin says success isn't a zero sum game. Success is more like lighting candles. When one candle lights another candle, the first candle doesn't get smaller. The room just gets brighter. When you build a great business, create jobs, and serve customers, your success isn't about taking something away from somebody else. You're creating value. You're making the room brighter. So don't let anybody convince you that your success came at their expense. You can't control what other people think or say about you, but their jealousy is not your responsibility. And you don't have to shrink yourself so other people can feel more comfortable. You playing small doesn't help anybody. So don't let others insecurity dictate how you run your business. Or maybe it's not so much other people's Judgment. Maybe you're dealing with entitled people who. Who are trying to make you feel guilty for your success. These are people that I would call success leeches or hangers ons. If you've built something from the ground up, you know exactly what I'm talking about. When you start doing well for yourself, people suddenly show up with high expectations and open hands. They expect money, opportunities and connections, special treatment. They think you owe them something. And sometimes it's subtle. Hey, man, can you just help me out real quick? Can your company sponsor this? Can you hire my cousin? And sometimes it's not subtle at all. People can start acting like your success belongs to them and they want their slice of the pie. They feel entitled to your time and your connections. They feel like they have the right to speak into your life. They start telling you what you should do with your money. But if you give in to the emotional pressure and let those kind of people have a say in how you run your business, you. You might as well be handing them the keys. You can find yourself keeping people on the payroll that should have been fired months ago. You give discounts you can't afford because you don't want people upset with you. Or you loan people money, knowing you'll never get a dime of that back. You say yes to opportunities that drain your business because you don't want to make anybody uncomfortable. Eventually, your business will start carrying the weight of everybody else's expectations. And if you lead from a place of guilt long enough, you can become resentful and start avoiding people. You may even lose margin because you're discounting everything for everybody. Plus, you're teaching the people around you that your boundaries don't matter, that they can walk right over you. This doesn't mean you can't be generous. There's nothing wrong with winning financially and using it to bless other people. But don't confuse generosity with obligation. Your pricing strategy shouldn't be an apology. Unless somebody actually sacrificed with you and helped you build this thing. You don't owe them your business. It's not your responsibility to financially rescue every adult around you. And sometimes a handout actually hurts people more than it helps them. Because no amount of enabling is going to make people deal with their own mess. So stop making emotional decisions just because somebody else feels entitled to what you built. You're allowed to have boundaries. You're allowed to say no. You don't have to feel bad for stewarding your business and your money well. And you get to decide what to do with your business. Another big decision your business is going to face is the health care. For most entrepreneurs, health care is one of the most unpredictable line items in their personal budget. That's why I want you to check out Christian Healthcare Ministries. Listen, CHM is not health insurance and it's a health cost sharing ministry. Members share each other's medical expenses for a predictable, affordable monthly cost. There's no networks, and CHM programs start at just $115 a month. Those lower monthly costs can free up capital to build margin, grow your team, and reinvest in your business. And as the Christian alternative to health insurance, CHM aligns with Christian business owners who want their health care dollars handled in a way that reflects their values. CHM even offers a groups program for small businesses that want to provide a healthcare sharing option to their teams. And right now, CHM is offering new members a 50% credit towards their first month of membership. So go to chministries.org entree and use the promo code entree. That's chministries.org entree AND promo code entree. So don't listen to people that are judging you and trying to make you feel guilty. But honestly, the biggest battle is within if you don't settle what's happening with you personally, it won't matter how good you get at ignoring other people. Because at some point, success forces you to answer the question, who am I Now? A lot of business owners start to fear that they're turning into somebody else and that beer shows up in subtle ways. You feel weird about buying something nice or you downplay wins. When people ask you how your business is going, you might not raise your prices when you need to. And I get it. You've probably seen people who get really successful and became arrogant and flashy and you don't want to end up like them. My buddy Waylon Hasty from the Elite Lineman Training Institute, didn't go to college and now he. He owns a college. That kind of success story can mess with your head because maybe people overlooked you, maybe they underestimated you or assumed you wouldn't be the successful one. But then the business takes off and you end up doing really well for yourself like Waylon's done. Now suddenly people are looking at you completely different. Sometimes that creates a weird tension between the person you were and the person you are now, and it can make you feel like you need to apologize for your success. But healthy business owners stay humble and still celebrate their accomplishments because there's a difference between arrogance and ownership. Arrogance says I'm better than everyone Ownership says, I worked hard to build something that matters. You don't automatically lose your morals once your income goes up. Money doesn't change who you are. Money makes you more of who you already are. If you're broke and generous, you'll be wealthy and generous. If you're broke and insecure, you'll be wealthy and insecure. If you're broke and arrogant, you'll be just as arrogant with a nicer truck. This is exactly why personal growth matters so much as a leader. Because your business can only be as healthy as the person leading it. And one of the best investments you can make in yourself is reading. The books you read shape the way you think and the way you lead. So if you're looking for your next great leadership book, we put together a free Entre leadership reading guide with the books that have had the biggest impact on me and our other leaders. We'll leave a link to that list down in the description. But the thing is, you can't base your entire identity on your success or even your business. So instead of shrinking yourself, lean into who you are. You can stay true to your values and your mission and your roots with discrediting the work you put in to get to where you are. You're allowed to be proud of how far you've come. All of this comes down to knowing who you are. Are you secure enough to ignore everybody else's opinion of who you are? Are you secure enough to quit carrying everybody else's expectations? Are you secure enough to own your success? Building a great business is not something to be ashamed of. And one of the saddest things is watching a business owner spend years creating something amazing and then apologizing for it. So stand up straight, throw your shoulders back and lead.
- [11:52]
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Listen, there's nothing wrong with building something meaningful, serving people well, and making money doing it. One of the healthiest things you can do as a leader is stop trying to carry all the pressure alone. So if this is an area where you feel stuck, go ahead and schedule a free 30 minute coaching consultation with one of our Entree leadership coaches. They'll help you identify what's really slowing you down and give you some practical steps to move forward with confidence instead of guilt. You can sign up using the link in the description. Growing a business is one thing, but becoming the kind of person who can handle the growth well, that's the real work. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe for more real world leadership content. I'm your host, Dave Ramsey and this is Entre Leadership.