← The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
Mindset Matters - Episode #154 - Feeding the Good Wolf: Why Mindset Matters More Than Ever
00:29:22
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- [00:04]
A
Hi there and welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast, where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon. Franci. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as mindset matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in, in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in. Enjoy. So we're going to talk in this episode about why mindset matters really more than ever. And I'm going to open with a little parable. Stephanie. But welcome.
- [01:01]
B
Hey, hon.
- [01:02]
A
Okay, so the story I'm going to open with is a story that was told, or is told of an old Cherokee chief who was teaching his grandson all about life. And he said to his grandson, you know, he says, the fight that is going on inside of me, it's really a terrible fight. And it's between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He is anger, he's envy, he's sorrow, he's regret, he's greed, he's arrogant, he's self pity, he's guilt, he's resentment, he's inferiority, he's lies, he's false pride, superiority and ego. And a victim to all. The other wolf inside me is quite good. He's joy, he's peace. He's love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence. He's empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith. And what I want to share with you today is that the same fight is going on inside of you and inside every other person as well. His grandson thought about that for a second and he looks up at his grandfather and he said, grandfather, which wolf will win? And his grandfather said, the one you feed. Now, why is this parable relevant? Because when we talk about mindset, you and I face this every day with just how we handle life, but with our clients, by what we observe, with the many that we work with and or observe and within the context of what we've done, is that we see exactly that parable. We see that it is very, very important. But I want to shine a light on something. Is that mindset is actually the term. Mindset is actually a relatively new mindset, or a new term, I should say. And that although the term is new and some people think Overused. And we've had these conversations before where people go, just do it. This mindset shit. Get over yourself. Right. But there's a lot of historical evidence that I want to talk about today that, you know, the whole concept of mindset has been around for thousands of years. Not just centuries, but, you know, you call it centuries, but thousands. So anyways, before I kind of give you some more of that wisdom, what's your thoughts?
- [03:33]
B
Oh, you're hilarious. I love that parable. That was one of my favorites. You know, depends on which one you feed. And truthfully, I think we all have both wolves inside us at the same time. You know, I think what I'm really seeing right now with the, the stress and the. And what's going on in the world and it, you know, just so you know, and I had a really hard time jumping on the podcast today. I've not had, you know, the most joyful and, you know, butterflies and unicorns kind of couple of months and. And it kind of hit me today and I was really kind of on. On a down and I realized that I was probably feeding the dark wolf, you know, but I didn't want to deny that I was having those feelings either. And I think when we deny that we're having doubts or feelings or whatever and we try to pretend that we have this false sense of positive thinking or rose colored glasses, we're not doing our mindset or our heart set or our soul set any good. So I love that you brought it up. I just wanted to just know that, you know, and I think that I'm operating on top of a little bit of sadness right now and some feeling a little defeated. But I also know I want to feed the good wolf.
- [04:42]
A
Yeah, I think it's interesting that you bring that up and as you're talking about it, you know, you facing some headwinds and not just you, but some of your clients and you take that on and that's all part of it because you're part of the team overall. So when you look at that. But there's something that is. Sets you apart, I think, sets us apart and set those individuals that realize to your, you know, exactly what you said is that I have to acknowledge that I'm going through it. That is you being the observer. That is not what is defining you. So you are not those feelings. You're observing how you're feeling. You're observing the adversity that you're facing. You're observing the headwinds. And that's the important part of it, because it doesn't. You're not it. That isn't your identity. It's just what's happening right now. And it's what's showing up for me, for you. So when you step into it and say, I got this going on, this is how I'm feeling about it, and you're just observing it, you're still detached from it because you're being the observer, you're stepping back from it. I think that's an important kind of perspective to maybe share, is that when you step away from it, you realize that it's just whatever is happening right now, it's all just an illusion. None of it's real. It's all part of the matrix, and it feels real, and there's real consequences and there's all the shit that's happening around it. But if you step back from it, you're not being drawn down the emotional rabbit hole to the degree that it becomes this weight tied around your ankles, pulling you to the bottom of the emotional ocean, if you will, where you drown in it because you're observing it. You know, that's not what it is. You follow that thought process.
- [06:19]
B
I do. And I really appreciate the fact that all the work we've done over the last 30 some years has allowed me to understand that I am the observer. I, you know, who is the thinker of the thought, so to speak. And if I decide to go down that rabbit hole and follow the darkness all the way down, then that does become my identity. And I think from the stand that we're taking, you know, even as ourselves and who we're being and as coaches, is that I would be back to our former podcast, is I'd be a fraud if I deny the fact that I'm also feeling the weight of what's going on in the world. But I'm also committed to the work that we've done. And if I don't use my own work, if I don't coach what I do, or if I don't, if I'm not who I am, then I'm a fraud anyway. So I think that's why it was really important. I really appreciate the fact that we committed to do this podcast today, regardless of what headwinds I'm facing. And, you know, all we do, we don't have to look very far, you know, to see some of the people and the inspiration that we. We've been able to draw from over the years. And one of those is the stoics, right?
- [07:22]
A
Well, that's you know, and that's where I want to go with this, you know, and we start to realize that, you know, mindset is a relatively new term. You know, this goes back centuries. And when we have people that are struggling to wrap their mind around it, who want to stay stuck in, let's say, a fixed mindset, who don't believe that mindset matters, and they're not listening to this podcast. But for those of you who are listening, you know, we go back and let's get grounded in a couple of fundamental things. You know, we go back to Stoicism, for example. So when you think about it and you look at the Jim Rohns of the world and the Tony Robbins of the world, and the John demartini's, and I mean, we could list dozens of those individuals who talk about mindset and self observation and reflection and all of the things that many talk about. It goes back to, you know, the Stoic philosophers of the world back in those times. You know, Epictetus and Seneca and Marcus Aurelius. They were all individuals who were writing back then. It was their whole thought process was to be the observer. You know, Epictetus is, you know, known for it's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. You know, I use the phrase, which is not an Epictetus phrase, but I say it's not the weight we carry that breaks us down, it is the way we carry the weight, which to me is a reflection of what the Stoic belief is, is that the mental discipline and the success that comes from that and our fulfillment, for example, is how we approach things mentally. You know, Marcus Aurelius said, you have power over your mind, not outside events. Which goes back to his fundamental understanding, which or fundamental philosophy, which is, we have to let go of those things that we can't control, and we can't control those things outside of us. We can only control our reaction to them all. To say, right now, as you go through your stuff, I know you're tapping into that thought process, okay, what can I control? What can't I control? Where can I be a contribution and have an impact on a shifting result? And where do I just have to let it go and let it unfold the way it does, with a fundamental belief that the universe is unfolding for you, not against you? So you want to add to that.
- [09:45]
B
And then not resisting that. Right. You know, one of my favorite lines, and you always used to remind me, is that you can't force the river. And every time I Try to force the river or any time I try to jump outside my values, I break something or I hurt myself or I bump the car or something happens and I. I get reminded that what I can control, what I can own, which part of it I can own, is really important. And I love the Paul Stoltz work that we did years ago. And he uses the core C O R E acronym for control. What can you control? What can you own? R. What is the. Oh, I can't remember what the R means. Reach. The reach. Like, how far does it reach into your life? And endurance, the ease, endurance. Like, how long are you going to let this go on for? Especially when you know you. There's certain things you're never going to be able to control. And I think with what we're dealing with in the. In the world of 2024 and beyond in the last three to four years, there's so much out there, the tsunami of, of the negativity and the divisiveness that's out there is now starting to bubble up. And that was a lag. I think many people. What I'm experiencing right now are experiencing a little of PTSD because some of the reality and the truths are coming out. And now we're facing social media, things coming out, you know, about rock stars and movie stars and the. This whole thing that's happening right now is very, very sad, very scary. And, you know, and if it's true, hasn't been going along, going on a long time. And are we as a collective feeling, that heaviness and that sadness and that deep, deep disappointment in the people that we've held on high, and then on the other side, people that I care deeply about are being falsely accused for things that they didn't do. And then at the same time, so we don't. It's very difficult to navigate right now. And I think if I was outside my values and outside the course, the C O R E, and disconnected from my meditations or from my, I guess, my stoicism, you know, I'm reading Ryan Holiday's newest book right now, and it's really helping because I also don't want to deny that there's some big shit going down in the world. And I don't want to be ignorant to it, but I also don't want to be caught up in the tsunami of the bullshit.
- [12:05]
A
Well, in what we call bullshit. Again, what can you control? What can. You know, what can't you control? You certainly can't control what's happening with. Diddy and that whole rabbit hole and I don't want to go down that I'm not interested in it. It doesn't matter. I know enough about it to go. Okay, let that one go. There's not much we can do about what's happening in terms of the war. In terms of what? Israel and Iran, Iraq, Middle East, Lebanon, Russia, Ukraine. I mean it's just a shit show, let's face it. And it's hard not to be witnessing what that is. And then of course there's the political divisiveness that's being driven be in the U.S. all of a sudden Canada, when a U.S. election comes up, all of a sudden you think we're the US And I don't want to minimize the fact that yeah, we may have an opinion of who the president should be in the US because we're directly at the effect of that. I mean they are our biggest trading partners. They are our brother in bed, sister, whatever you want to look at. The point is that we hang out a lot together. What they do matters to us as a country. And then we've got the political challenges that we face with our federal, provincial, municipal. I mean it really is kind of how do we avoid or not pay attention to it. But the key is, is that what can you control? And the reality of it is you can control none of it. But having said that, I look at it from a place of going, okay, what is our risk mitigation strategies? What do we see as an issue we don't want to be. Ignorance is bliss. And I often say that to people you can, okay, well I don't want to know about that. Okay, well is it that you're wanting to look through rose colored glasses or is ignorance bliss? And if you buy into the ignorance is bliss, then you know, don't complain if you get caught a little flat footed or you get caught with your, you know, with. Without being prepared for some kind of risk Mitigation is my only I guess comment around that. So as much as we often seem to be talking about the doom and the gloom, the dark side of things, the reality of it is, is that in order to see the light there has to be dark. And number one, number two is that you can see light in all of it if you're aware of the darkness. That's how I look at it anyways. I don't walk around all bummed out about what's going on in the world. I'm aware of it. I don't have to let it, you know, Wear me down. But I feel okay, I'm aware of it. It's, it's happening. And then part of what I do and what I share, whether it be on the podcast or within the real estate investment network, I look at what's going on economically. What does that mean as investors? I mean, here's the thing about it, is that right now, just today I had a conversation with somebody who was sharing with me about what's going on in B.C. with the number of investors that are getting hammered, that they're having to turn over properties, that they're upside down, that they're not getting financing, that's just on that side of it. And the number of small business owners that are going under and, or really struggling to make ends meet because of how slow things are getting in certain sectors. So that is all to say that all we've got is the resilience that we can create within ourselves. The mental practice, if you will, of how do we stay above it and stay clear headed. And that's why when we're having this particular conversation, it is about resilience and that this is not new, this is thousands of years old. And before we go and I pass the talk back to you is that I want to share even back, you know, we talk about Socrates and Plato, for example, I want to bring them up. You know, Socrates said an unexamined life is not worth living. Which speaks to just how important self reflection is, the real critical component of mindset. That without understanding our own thoughts and our beliefs and questioning them, we don't really see the true growth. And then when we look at the headwinds we're facing or we feel we may be facing like you are right now, we know that that resistance will be in fact what helps us grow. We just don't want to go through it. That's the biggest thing. We don't want the grind, we don't want to face the resistance, but that's where the growth is. But it would be so good to just be on cruise control, wouldn't it?
- [16:23]
B
Wouldn't it? Yeah, no, I think not. For me, I mean, as much as I'm really struggling in my own getting back to my center around how I'm managing myself and my energy and my, my contribution to these situations, I know that I'm still 100 responsible for how I show up and the energy that I bring to the room. So if that's part of my mantra and that's part of my commitment and my belief system, then if I just can Anchor back to that, then that's very helpful, not just for me, but for the people that I'm supporting. And where that leads me to is when I look at the support that we have around us, I'm so grateful. If we didn't build the circle of support in the. Oh, gosh, the people that believe in us and the people that are around us, I wouldn't have the resources to draw on to get myself. Yeah, I can journal all day long. I can meditate all day long. But I also need to have a circle of trust that I can go to and that people that I know have my back and my vested interest and that there's a confidentiality piece. And I think that's what I'm so grateful for, Johan, is that we have that commitment to each other that we can, you know, can hit our knees or we can hit bottom and then, you know, not stay there, but also have that space to know. Okay, let me. Let me get you. I got you. Let me hold you. You need to cry. What do you need to do? Get it out. Let's go. Boom. But with respect and empathy. And what I'm seeing right now is what I'm going through is I can reach out to my circle of support and feel that support and feel that. And I just hope that when people are going through, I believe there's going to be some rough waters coming ahead. 20, 25, 26, 27. Is that. Do you have that support system in place? Have you built a circle of support? Do you have a trusted inner circle? Is your heart space? Are you clear and complete? Have you said everything you need to say to certain people? Because if, when maybe the yogurt does hit the fan, are you going to be able to navigate your way through it as hard as it is, feel what you need to feel, but not get sucked down the rabbit hole and really beat yourself up for maybe not being prepared 100%.
- [18:30]
A
And so, you know, we share these. And I share these insights today because it really just to validate the fact that, you know, it doesn't matter where we are in history and what time, there is always the challenges that people face. And the greatest people, those individuals who history was written about, are actually those individuals that were very aware of what it took, the mental aspect of the game that they were playing, because life happens, you know, back in the day of Buddhism, I share this. Is that in the Buddhist teachings, you know, especially there's a guy, the actual Buddha was. I don't know how to pronounce his Name Siddharth Gautama or something. I. Sorry if I just ruined that whole thing. But, you know, his though, that whole philosophy was around the power of the mind and the importance of actually mastering our thoughts. And in that case was about achieving enlightenment and inner peace. The Buddha or Buddha said, the mind is everything. What you think you become, which is.
- [19:39]
B
Oh, whoa, whoa, cowboy. Say that again. Don't step over that.
- [19:45]
A
Well, I don't. Okay, I don't think I am. But the mind is everything. What?
- [19:48]
B
Mind is everything.
- [19:49]
A
And then next part, what you think you become, which is. That's really aligned with, you know, all of our modern ideas of mindset. The Tony Robbins, the Jim Rollins, et cetera that we talked about earlier, getting started here, it really kind of is an illustration, if you will, that our thoughts actually shape our reality and they shape our identity. And that when we start to master our thoughts and our mind really does become the key to our transformation. And this goes back to the many things that we've talked about. You know, is that our life is in fact a reflection of who we are. But are we being who we are intentionally? Or is it just were reading and reacting as opposed to being intentional about that definition? And before I pass it back to you, you know, the other one that I want to get back to, because it's really, you know, we talk about Buddha, we talk about Buddhism or. Or even the Stoics, but I was going to say Marcus Aurelius. I mean, gosh, think about that. He was an emperor. I think he lost seven kids. He went through floods and feasts and famines. And I mean, like, when you really study what Marcus Aurelius went through, it was. It's unbelievable how he was able to go through all of that and still write all the things that he wrote and be as brilliant as he was at that. But even when we. We recently. Well, recently some time ago, we watched, or I did anyways, the movie about Napoleon Bonaparte. And he is known as being one of history's greatest military leaders. And he attributed in writing much of his own success to the ability that he had gained to control his thoughts. So in other words, and his quote was, the strong man is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses and the mind. And Napoleon really did understand that mindset was the key to remaining calm, to be composed and strategic, even in the face of the adversities that he was facing as a general or whatever rank he was in fighting. This goes back to where we started this conversation with you is that you're facing some headwinds right now. And I say that you. We collectively are because we're in all of this together. But ultimately you dealing with what you have to deal with on the emotional side is the ability to do exactly what Napoleon just said. The strong man, in your case the strong woman, is the one who is able to intercept at will the communication between the senses, the emotional drain, if you will, of all that you're going through. And the mind and having that observation position allows you to do that. That's my interpretation of that. What's your thoughts?
- [23:03]
B
I think that's pretty much the only thing that allows me to keep taking one step and putting it in front of the other as we go through this. Because I also know that after a high, there's a low, but after the low, we also step back into, you know, really having the skill set and the mindset and the heartset to move forward into the what's next. You know, that I don't know anybody's life that, you know is that success is based on all the great things that happen to them. And I think I would be a liar or we'd be remiss to say that we haven't had our biggest gains after some loss. And there's always a sense, I think over the last 30 years we've been together that every time we felt that, we've just hit bottom. What gives me hope is that I go, oh, every single time this has happened, something amazing has happened right after. So I'm. I'm confident in that regard, but I also don't want to step over that. You know, maybe there is the lag time, maybe there's a gap. Maybe that that whole ptsd, PTSD thing that many people are experiencing right now, or if there's things that are happening to you that you feel like you can't control. I mean, I'm living with and through situations where it's birth and death and suicide and false this and false narratives and lies and deceit and it's like I'm living in a frickin soap opera.
- [24:23]
A
Yeah.
- [24:24]
B
But I also know that if I'm the calm in the storm, I have to do my work and I have to be able to. Right now I'm living in like my office is usually a bit of a shit show, but I've never seen it like this. I mean, you know, our house is. It's open and loving and everybody's coming in and I know this is a place of healing and eventually we Call it the compound. But I know eventually this is going to be a place where people come because it's time for them to, you know, to get down and dirty with. And that's what's been happening over the last few months and years, where people come here to be in an environment of holistic health, healing, truth, good food, you know, cows, dog gloves, et cetera. And I'm starting to see on so many levels that what we've created just by sticking true to our values is that what's being reflected back is that this space is happening as a place where people are feeling nurtured. And do I feel good right now? No. Do I feel alive right now? Absolutely.
- [25:31]
A
Well, let me cheer you up, because I think there's. Again, is that, yes, you're dealing with all the things that you're dealing with alongside. But, you know, having said that, you know, when we look at our lives and just how much we have in our lives and how much we have going on in our lives, this is just one small aspect of it. On the other side of that thing, we got some really cool things going on in our lives, in our businesses, with our team and the growth of our team, and our team is strengthening, and there's a lot of really great things that are going on and some.
- [26:02]
B
Unknowns in that, too, which I love.
- [26:04]
A
Yeah, there's. Of course, there's always unknowns in that, because we are entrepreneurs. We are those individuals that keep growing or trying to grow and expand and.
- [26:13]
B
Do all the things first, see what happens.
- [26:16]
A
Yeah, but I mean, with that, you know, we also have a lot more experience and confidence these days, given our history and what we've done. But I do want to say, you know, that, you know, within the context of what we do here on the podcast, is that we recently have got some DMS and some comments and some people that, you know, it was really interesting is we had one young lady who had reached out and said it was just the message I needed that day, but she actually shared that, and it was really wonderful to see that. You know, when you sometimes live in these bubbles called a podcast, you know, audio or video or whatever, you know, you're in a bubble. It's a little bit of an echo chamber. You don't always get the feedback, but it's always great to get the feedback. And I just want to shout out to those who DM'd and, you know, gave us some encouraging words because it was meaningful for you and the message landed for you, and that's always our wish and our goal is to give you some insights, something to reflect on and hopefully you can take a little bit of it home on or apply a little bit of it to what you've got going on in your life. Just to know that yes, there is the good wolf and yes, there is the bad wolf. We all have got it going on. Let's feed the good wolf. In this particular conversation, let's not look at one or two things that we got going on, the headwinds we're facing. I mean, there's a lot of fear and uncertainty and questioning all of that. Don't go it alone and really tap into the resource that you have, which is your view of the world, which of course is mindset. So let's wind this down here. Stephanie, any parting thoughts?
- [27:59]
B
Well, just always gratitude hun, for, you know, your unwavering commitment and as much as you piss me off, when you shine a light or hold a mirror up to me and but when you do that, it brings me back to center and it reminds me why we do this work and why, you know, I know it's a calling. I wish, you know, that everyone could know what it feels like to live a life that you're called to do without question. And you remind me of that every day. And I'm just really grateful.
- [28:33]
A
I am grateful too. And that, ladies and gentlemen, will be a wrap. Hope you enjoyed this episode of Mindset Matters. Stephanie. Thank you.
- [28:42]
B
Thank you. And you know what? It was still fun.
- [28:46]
A
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you, the listener. If you have any comments, suggestions or questions you'd like answered, please email me@ceoaincanada.com that's CEO reinforcement canada.com I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time, Patrick O.