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Foreign. Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon. Francie. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters. Because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in, Enjoy. Here we are. Mindset Matters. Stephanie.
B
Hey, hon.
A
Okay, so, big topic today that I want to cover and I'm going to start by giving it some context right out of the gate. And that will actually, I think, provide a whole framework for the conversation that I'd like to get into a little bit deep, but it's a really important conversation given something that's happened recently. So I'm going to open with the context, a quote that I want to read. You ready for that?
B
Yeah, totally. No, I'm intrigued. Let's do this.
A
Okay, here we go. So according to Dr. Roy Baumeister and Dr. Kathleen Voss, who are both very big name psychologists in the meaning of. No, they're in the psychology of meaning. And they make a statement that present events draw meaning from their connection to future outcomes. Okay, so I'm going to say it again. Present events draw meaning from their connection to future outcomes. So any human action or experience loses meaning when it's disconnected to future outcomes or consequences. So why are we doing what we're doing? In other words, nothing exists in a vacuum. So why go to school or take classes if there is no end result? Why work out or challenge yourself if there is no diploma? Why make an emotional connection with another person if there's no relationship? Why do anything at all? Is the question they ask. So the present is meaningless unless connected to the future. It is in fact, the future that dictates which decisions you opt for. And this, for example, was a dilemma for those who were in concentration camps and they had to really struggle with it because without hope toward a future, the present became, in their words, incomprehensible. So in other words, without a future self, life no longer drew a person onward. And they were in that time, the concentration camps, they would lose, literally lose their minds because there was nothing that they were working backwards from. In other words, what is the future? So if we reinterpret or reconstruct our memory in light of what our mental set is in the present. So that in this sense, it's more accurate to say. And this is so good, it's more accurate to say the present causes the meaning of the past than it is to say that the past causes the meaning of the present. And that's pretty profound in that. So in other words, our memories are not stored in objective entities, but living parts of ourselves in the present. This is the reason our present moods and future goals so affect our memories. Now, there's a lot to unpack in that. But the one thing that I take away, which I think is so cool, is that it's more accurate to say the present causes the meaning of the past than it is to say that the past causes the meaning of the present. Which often is conversations that we've had over our lifetime, many times of, you know, what is it about our past that affects us today? And it's actually, if you flip that on its head, it really is. I don't know, I find it quite fascinating. What's your thoughts?
B
It's true, I always say to my clients and the people that I work with is that our memories are designed for self preservation. So our memories, we go back when we're looking for confirmation and affirmation of where we're at, whether we're being a victim, whether we're being a champion, whether we're looking through life and trying to create something different, maybe through a trauma lens or something. We're defining our present moment not by what we're saying we want to do in the future. The goal, setting the goal, getting the inspirational moments in time, we're actually filtering it through who we're being because of our memory. And the construction and deconstruction of our memory is fascinating to me. And that's why I think the psychology of meaning brings up so many different things when it comes to what's going on right now. I mean, and we're in 2025, and so many things have happened in the last five years for sure. But of course, the last couple of decades, I think that bring people forward to that moment going, okay, what is my future? What is my purpose? What is it? If the whole point of this divisive society is to disconnect us from ourselves, it also means it to disconnect us from our futures. And that's what I find so fascinating.
A
Well, I mean, we have so many conversations in any given time period, you know, over the years, and I Mean, let's just talk about the past four or five years where we're starting to see, you know, suicides are up, a depression is up, drug use is up. Of course, we, in our last episode, I think it was our last episode or one of our recent episodes, we talked, you know, the difference between happiness and pleasure. And we live in this world that everybody thinks they're seeking happiness, for example, but in fact they're living in seeking pleasure. That's what it shows up as. So there we get convinced that pleasure is happiness and it doesn't last because pleasure is a moment in time. Happiness is a state of being. And that's all part of it is in a chart, a recent chart. I'll see if we can show it on the screen. For those of you who are on YouTube. Is that our happiness? Canadian happiness is at an all time low. So it is in fact measured. There's actually this, I'm looking at this chart right now. So we look at a happiness score, the high is eight. So back in 2006, let's say happiness was in that seven and a half plus range. And since 2013, 2015, it has absolutely plummeted. But what's interesting is age is a big factor. So in this case, we see an uptick on happiness. Not into a new high, but it's going up as opposed to coming down, which it did through 2020, for example. So age 16 up, it's ticked up happiness. People 60 and up are getting happier again. But from age 59 right down to 30 and below, it is absolutely crashing. And I can't help but think about that last episode where people are driven by pleasure as opposed to happiness. So that pleasure, when you get the shot of dopamine. Dopamine. Thank you. And you get a shot of dopamine, that's pleasure, not happiness. And what kills happiness, by the way? So serotonin comes from happiness, dopamine comes from pleasure seeking moments, but dopamine actually kills serotonin. So as much as we seek pleasure, we can't find it. But we can't find happiness. We're seeking happiness, we get it through pleasure. And it all goes for. So that's a strong context about it. But what are we working backwards from now, given what's going on in the world? We see a lot of people are very, very unhappy because they're scared, they're angry. And I'll leave that there for now.
B
Well, and I think there's a lot of people in our experience in the last little while that are in survival. And when you're in survival, you don't have time. You know, you're in the lowest box when it comes to Maslow's hierarchy of needs. The survival, you know, just going to keep my family fed and housed. And we just need to take care of our basic needs. And I think as the we move towards and we look at that happiness scale, if you take the situations that people are dealing with now with the carbon taxes and the divisiveness and all this Orange man bad in the US and nobody's looking at what's really happened in Canada for the last nine years is that we're now looking at things like what is giving us this, this dopamine hit or what's giving us this moment of feeling some kind of national pride or at least something to look forward to. Back to your example about, you know, the Holocaust during the Nazis, that was the world's biggest psyop. I believe as you disconnect people from their future, people who had success and community, you take that away from them and you say, this is it, this is the end for you. The psychological effects on that, you know, we're all not Nelson Mandela where we could sit and, you know, really focus on, you know, our purpose and what it is. And that understanding that stoicism is that nothing outside of me can affect me. The truth is we've been conditioned, I believe, over the last couple of decades to really create separation. We're not as community oriented as say maybe we were back in the day. So when you take that piece of it away, whether it's purpose or community or social interaction, there is something that happens to human beings that I believe is connected to this decrease in happiness. Don't forget when we talked about happiness and pleasure. Happiness happens in groups, but pleasure happens alone. So if we're now being trained to seek pleasure, to seek pleasure, to seek pleasure, whether it's, you know, moments in time in Vegas or you're going to a concert, or you've got that group think at a hockey game and all of a sudden we've got human, regular human good people booing a national anthem. Because on some level the narrative says, you know, national unity now. Because like we said, orange man bad. And even though he's not our president, he's not. He's influencing things going on in our lives. But it's again, another divisive tactic that's taking us away. So what, where are we going with this Hun?
A
Well, I think there's, there's a few things there where we want to go with it, you know, number one is let's shine a light on a couple of things that are happening that people may be experiencing and not understanding why, because I know, I've gone through it myself, is that, you know, you make a really. You know, in that podcast we talked about, happiness is with people. You know, you're in groups of people. Community is. There's a lot of joy and a lot of happiness in that scenario. But here we are today, and attached to Future State, for example, and attached to happiness is that there's got to be an outcome, number one. Number two is that there has to be hope. And so when we consider what's happening over the past five years, the divisiveness, the polarity. So community that people once had, that could have been easily fractured, and in many cases, it was fractured. There was a lot of divisiveness in the vax. No Vax politics. Liberal, Conservative. Trump. No Trump. Democrats. Republican. Right. Wrong. There was so much of that that I think it's really fragmented, the community that was once there, even within our community, where we live. I mean, this community is 100 and whatever it is, 140 years old, and it's matured, and it's all of the things that it is, but it's really right now. Our challenge as a board within the community is to say, okay, well, what do we stand for? Like, why is it that people aren't showing up in the way they were to events? And how do we again, recreate community? And that's kind of the goal, but it's actually a focus. It has to be, okay, we got to do this intentionally. And what are we working backwards from? So this goes back to again, that's just an example of what. There has to be hope attached to a future state, whatever that is that you're trying to achieve. And I think given that as a country, you look at what's happening in Canada right now, do we have a government? Kind of, sort of. Not really. Is it going to change? We hope so. But now there's this new player in there that, well, that isn't looking so good. You know, he's calling himself a globalist and elitist. Okay, is that really who we want for a leader? Some will say yes, some will say no. That causes divisiveness because we've never been so politically charged as we are right now. Then we have this wild card called Trump tariffs. We're throwing this whole DEI thing out the window. That's crap. We're doing an Audit on all things. Well, that's now bleeding into Canada, and that's what people are looking for, an audit of our government. It's like, holy cow. So it's a real mess. So when you think about being present, looking into a future, how do you look into a future that is so uncertain? And so consider the fact more people are living on the streets than ever before, more people at the food banks than ever before. We are living into this state or we are living in a state that it's hard to get connected to and be optimistic about a future and to have that hope and to actually have community. So that's really what, for me, that was what this podcast was about, is that we have to be aware of what's happening to us today so that we're not caught in the drama of losing hope for the future.
B
Not just losing hope, but I think, also bringing it back down to, you know, for me, what's important. So I think about the acronym of for when is what's important now. And with all of this going on in the world right now, I think we get a little bit lost in determining, you know, who and what are important in our lives right now. We. We had this amazing weekend, and we had people come in from out of town and friends staying overnight and got invited for dinner last night with some amazing people, having conversations about different things, different opinions, different points of view. That's. I think it's what's missing. If you think about a community and having a community event and people getting together. I think what the downside is or what people are. Are actually maybe filtering their decisions is they don't know what they're walking into anymore. I think we used to know what we were walking into in a community or a church or a family environment. We always know we could count on uncle so and so to throw a, you know, a grenade in the. In the room at Thanksgiving or whatever. But now we don't know. I think, and maybe I'm wrong, but we don't know what we can count on. And until we can find our own center, our own North Star again, and our own, you know, reason for being and our own connection to the future that's not just filtered through the past of the last five years. I want my trust back. I want my hope back. You know, I want. I choose that. I choose to. To sit in a place where, you know, in the last couple of weeks, I don't know if. If this is the right time to talk about it, but I was in Estonia at The European championships of figure skating, early February. And right during the middle of the week, I, everyone knows now there was a horrific, a horrific plane crash where they hit a Blackhawk helicopter in the mid air, which is what a one in a billion things that happened. And it really devastated the planet, I believe, but more so the figure skating community, which I'm very much a part of. So I woke up one morning in Estonia, away from you, away from our family, away from our dogs, but with my community and my friends that are in that world. And we did, we grieved together. And yes, we knew some people on that plane, some more than others, and we still had to get up and go to the competition and still, you know, I had to still support athletes and focus and, and not to draw them into all of that sadness and anger. But what is important to them, sure enough, we reach out, they connect with their families, they say, I love you. They go, there's nothing we can do about this right now. We'll grieve. When we grieve, we'll grieve as a community. But right now, this is what we have to look forward to and look onward towards. And then of course, a couple days forward after that I get home and then, you know, we have a friend, a dear friend, a couple of dear, dear BFFs in rain who've gone through some devastating things. One of our dearest is in hospice care right now. Another One of our BFFs, Tina, just lost her amazing husband James to a sudden heart attack. So we're looking at things, I think through the filter of maybe global macro too much when it comes to the, what's important now. You know, hug your babies, scratch your dogs, say I love you, reconnect. For me, it's to reconnect to those moments where, you know, do I have any regret over the last four or five years or two decade, decades? Do I need to clean anything up? Do I want to really reconnect to pursue my happiness over pleasure and what is important to me right now? And I think maybe part of the conversation and our solution when we're talking about the happiness economics or the psychology of meaning, is that we get to decide and determine that based on our values and based on what's going on in the world right now, but to not get pulled out of it, not seeking that pleasure, not overlooking some of the tragedies and the sadness that's happening in the world, because that is also part of the breath and the, the grace of being human.
A
Yeah. You know, it's also important to. I think that you said something is, you know, hug your family, remember to tell somebody, your significant other, your kids, whatever, that you love them. I remember as a young man, it was the first experience I had with death was when my best friend was killed in a car accident. And what gave me some. I don't know. I don't know what. What it gave me. It just like a sense of, oh, there was completion. There was nothing left unsaid. So it just happened that a couple of nights before, I had had this conversation with Joe and we had a really kind of. For two young men at 20 some years old, we had this really cool conversation and I walked away and I said, I love you. He said, I love you, and I hardly wait to get together and let's go duck hunting next week. But it was a complete conversation. And then he was killed in a car accident. But I felt complete. Tina had mentioned that she felt complete because with James, every morning she said, I love you. She saw him off to work and that really was her rock. So it was really sad to hear of this loss. It was very sudden. And so it's about completion. And then now it's like, okay, when you're in that state, think about those people who have that loss now. Where did that vision of life go? Where's the hope there? So they have to recreate, construct. They have to get into it and they're going to have to go through the grieving process and bring themselves back around and go through it. I think there's a lot. And this is kind of all leading into this one part of the opening statement of context that I gave it. So it's more accurate to say the present causes the meaning of the past. It's more accurate to say that than it is to say that the past causes the meaning of the present. And I think what is happening right now is there's a lot of grieving of the past is forever gone. And we. I see societal. I think part of the challenge is that what once was is never going to be again. The way we see the world, how things are unfolding, we're happier five years ago because it was pretty steady. Like there wasn't as much as there was change, it wasn't this horrific or. Or. I don't know if that's the right word. It's not the right word, but it's like this huge change that hits and kind of sets and resets the trajectory for how we operate as a society, not just as a country, but at a global level. So I think a lot of people are sad because they haven't grieved that the past is gone. Like that way of life has changed for many. And I think that's part of where the hopelessness goes or where the depression is rising, where suicide rates, drug use, all of the negative side of things. And really it is seemingly like there is a very small percentage, a much smaller percentage of people that are feeling good about life overall. You know what I'm saying? And that's, you know, that. And of course, when we see this happiness chart and the crashing happiness, it's like it's, it's dramatic. It's a very severe drop in the happiness levels of Canada is declined quite dramatically. And it all makes sense. I mean, even anecdotally we, we could sense that. We see it and this just kind of quantifies it.
B
Well, except for the 60 plus, you know, our demographic seems to be. Our. The happiness seems to be increasing. And I don't know why that is. Maybe because there is a little bit of more security or the decisions that we made to live under our means and to, you know, there's not as much desperation, I think, in the demographic that we're heading into. But ultimately. Sorry, go ahead.
A
No, do you want my. Just, just to interject there? Do you know what I think, you know, given the research they've done, is something that we talked about many times, even at our age. We don't want stuff. So, you know, we don't want any more stuff. So we don't live in this world of accumulation. We're actually trying to get rid of stuff, you know, like we're trying to dumb it down. So. Which is a normal process of 60 year old plus, by the way, they're not striving to have more stu. More things. They're trying to dumb things down. They're trying to get it simpler, which goes back to the gratification that we seek isn't in those kinds of things. Whereas young people are still trying to buy their first home. They're still trying to own a new car, perhaps, or they're trying to build those assets and they're trying to have. I don't know what the phrase is, but they're working hard and they're going, I'll never own a home. How can I ever afford a home? Like there's those kinds of conversations. Interest rates are so high, you know, cost of living is extreme. So that I think also crushes a lot of that future state hope. And that's going to be really bumming people out. So it's. I guess it's kind of when you kind of work through the psychology of it, you know, having those, you know, seeking that pleasure, the dopamine hits is kind of where you go, given that you can't live into another state. I don't know where I'm going with it, but it is a really complex kind of conversation.
B
Well, you talk about future state is also being influenced by the present, but more so the definition of who we're being. If we only go to the past and we only go. I was really great then, or it used to be that before the incident. I do an exercise with my clients called the Incident. And in this case, let's say it's the. The COVID 19 pandemic is the incident who I was before the incident and who I am now. And then we live in this pendulum or this back and forth about. Well, just I am defined by who I was before the incident and who I was after. But I think that's also part of the trap, is that we're growing. And we as human beings, if we're not growing, we're going backwards. There's no such thing as standing still. So when you think about the growth, maybe what that is something that, you know, in our world that we can continue to talk about, we can continue to control what's inside of us, our perception of the world, our view of the world. I know with what's been happening over the last little while, even since my mom died in 2020, is that the grieving process has been. It's been like an unfolding. It's not like it's. One day I'm. I'm super happy, and then the other time I'm super sad. But it's this. It's connected to the incident of my mom passing away. So as I get more evolved and more understanding and learning for me what grief is, I realize what I. When I. And when I look more globally again and I can bring it home personally, is the grief. I've defined it as stuck love. It's like I have all this love for this person that's no longer there, and it's stuck. So I don't know what to do with it in my body, and I don't know how to get rid of it. I don't know how to process it. And when it's stuck, it means it doesn't have someplace to go. So over the last few years especially, I've learned how to redirect It. So I haven't been as sad or as deeply, profoundly grieving that I was initially. Same thing now with the skater set and the athletes that were lost and the coaches that were lost in that aircraft, more so the grief of the family. So I, as much as an empath that I am trying to really send out this grace and this love and this neutrality because in order for them to process, or in order for any of us even to process, the last five years of the obvious gaslighting and the obvious removing of small businesses and purpose and stripping down people to their core of their. Of their self. And some of them, I'm finding people aren't liking what they're seeing, you know, when they get stripped down to the core of who they're being and the decisions that they're making to either fit into a group which is again, really connected to happiness, or to be able to stand alone. And I think that's where I really got to, especially as I've broken down some of the processes that we've gone through and the grieving and the letting go of certain ideals as to what our businesses were supposed to look like at this time of year, and our finances are supposed to look at this time in our life and grieving some of that, but realizing the grief itself has also got feedback in it. There's. There's room to grow and there's opportunities to look outside ourselves or what was and to look at what is and then try to inform ourselves. Because really, like I said earlier, our memories are designed for self preservation, to keep us stuck, to keep us where we are. So we have a reference point of not actually having to move past that. So when you bring all that together, the process of letting go, the process of understanding and redefining the meaning. So, for example, back to your example with the Holocaust, some people did survive that, and some people became extremely aware of what they had to do to move through that devastation and just how evil that time was. And many people couldn't. So I think we're at a. I'm not comparing it for sure, but we're at a precipice in some ways where, you know, in my life, I want to be able to be that space, to be that light for people to say, okay, I'm really grieving the loss of who I thought I was. And don't go and say, okay, well, let's just set a new goal and set a new trajectory and let's do this. And now I'm your rah rah coach. No I think it's time to just soften and settle into what is and grieve what we have to grieve and tell the truth so that we have a foundation about moving forward. You know, we have a theme this year with our podcast and our. Our masterclasses this year is how do we thrive in 25? How do we. How do we get here? How did we arrive here? The truth is, it's. I think, about being truthful about what's going on and be able to sit in the pain of some of it, because I think underneath the pain is where the joy starts to come back.
A
Yeah, I think it's always about having great conversations, making sure that you're surrounding yourself with the right people. It always comes back to community, I believe. You know, it's not even last night, for example, we go for dinner, we had some great laughs, and it really wonderful. And as much as we talked about some of the kind of negative stuff going on in the world, it wasn't what we dwelled on by any stretch of the imagination as a group of people. We were actually talking about a really, you know, a lot of really great things that are happening, and observing what's happening in the world and noticing the differences between some individuals who are able to kind of look at what's going on in the world and have a space, I guess, or a community to have conversations, get through it, because that's really what it is. If you're going through this alone and thinking that you need to go through it alone, or maybe that nobody else is experiencing what you're experiencing, you're probably not correct in that assumption. And that having conversation of what it is for you in the right space with the right people is very, very, I guess, therapeutic. And then you realize that you're not alone in all of this. A lot of people are going through a number of different issues in life right now, given what's going on in the world. And this too shall pass. I think we have to be really having conversation about it. That's kind of my. Some of my takeaway on it.
B
Yeah, it will. And my mom always said not just this too will pass, but this too shall prepare me. And I think about going forward and telling the truth about where you're at in your life also creates a space to let what is supposed to come next show up. But we're being so told that, you know, we have to get into survival and we have to do this, and we have to divide and we have to conquer and we have to Boo. National anthems. No, we don't. No, we don't stop watching the news. And until we get to that place where we can go, okay, you know, I am grieving some of the identity I believe I lost. But what is on the other side, and I know you and I are a little bit of a testament to that recently, is that when we got to the point where there's going to be some transformation in our life, whether it's personally and professionally, business wise, all of a sudden opportunities started to show up. And I don't know if you want to talk about what's going on for you right now, but what I'm seeing is like, oh, when I can stand in the light of the truth of what's going on and feel what I have to feel and tell the truth about it and not be attached to the ego and the loss, there's a little glimpse of hope and a little glimmer of light that shines in. And all of a sudden different opportunities show up, things that we never would have known existed before. And that's what I always say is you can plan and prepare, but you got to leave room for the magic. And I think in some ways maybe that's the conclusion of this conversation or, you know, our link to what's next. But I, I'm excited for what's happening for us right now in business and personally.
A
Well, yeah, and I think that, you know, for us, you know, some people. No, I shouldn't say so. What I think we're not as common a lot of because when we look at what we do in our businesses is really is our life is our life. And it involves all of the things that it involves and it can look a lot like, do you guys ever do anything but business? And I kind of go, yeah, we do. I don't know, like in none of it's business, like it's all business or none of its business. It's just our life and we're really blessed to be doing what we love to do. Now, having said that, when we look into future state, you know, for me recently, just back to the point that you were making is that I'm really clear that I have to have something to look forward to and it's got to have meaning for me and it's got to be a contribution to others. So I was approached by an organization called McKay CEO Forums, which is a national organization, been around 20 plus years to be one of their chairs. So what this particular group does and this goes back to community. So this brings CEOs, a group of CEOs together six times a year, seven times a year, because one of the six times a year for one day and then a retreat weekend. So a group, all the same CEOs hang out together for through that seven sessions, about 12 months. And they actually come together and they solve problems and they're CEOs of non competing businesses. You have to be in a certain percentile. So in other words, your top line's got to be 5 million or more. And you come together to solve problems, to talk about what your goals are and really get the support of others that are playing the same game as you are in business. So my job will be to chair those, to facilitate those conversations. So I'm really looking forward to that. But it really, I mean part of the reason I was approached as a chair is because of my experience, my background, but also because there's a huge demand, which is to say business owners, SME, small medium enterprises are looking for community of like minded individuals in order to get through the challenging times, to build their businesses, to make difficult decisions and be supported in doing that and getting that outside perspective. So for me it's like I'm stoked about it and it gives me a lot of meaning for what I want to do. What's next? I get to bring 40 years of business, 25 years of facilitation and speaking and coaching and doing all the things, although I'm not coaching, let's be clear, this is me facilitating and I'm really excited about what that is going to look like going into the future. It certainly plays well off of what I've done with Rain for the past 25 years. So I'm excited about that. So for me, I've got something to look forward to.
B
Well, see, yeah, I think so. I wanted to bring it up because you know, we didn't even know this existed, this kind of thing or this particular company existed until we started saying okay, what do we want the next phase of our life to look like? We both love to have purpose. We both are driven to make a difference in people's lives. We're both working hard to keep our own mindset clear and open and hopeful and positive without looking through rose colored glasses, but to see the opportunities and the possibilities that are out there and be curious. And I think once we started that conversation early late last year, so for example, this moved some stuff out of the way so this McKay CEO forum could show up as an example. And the same things happened to me in the past is that if I'm so stuck on ruminating and trying to figure out, well, I did this in the past and I have to do this and this is who I am and my goals have to be based on this, this and this. It's actually what works. It's counterintuitive for me, I find, because even when we work with, with athletes and high net worth people and, or, or just our regular folk and our chosen family and the people that we have around us is that we can stay consistent in being curious and being optimistic, but at the same time not covering up the fact that there are some massive changes that are coming down the pipe for some people and how do we help them prepare for that? And are those conversations being had? And that's what I think is really important when it comes to mindset matters.
A
I think we're going to leave it on that note. And any final words?
B
No, I think we were brilliant today. I mean that was a topic I was afraid to attack. But you know what? I think it's, I think it's the beginning of a conversation. I think I'd like to continue.
A
Yeah. More to come. Stephanie, thank you for sharing your insights. You had a lot of good ones today, by the way.
B
Yeah, thanks hun. That was fun.
A
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Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire
Episode: Mindset Matters - Episode #173 - The Psychology of Meaning: Why Hope & Purpose Matter
Release Date: February 20, 2025
In Episode #173 of The Everyday Millionaire, host Patrick Francey engages in a profound conversation with his wife, Stephanie Hanlon Francie, an Olympic Mental Performance Coach. The episode delves into the intricate relationship between mindset, meaning, hope, and purpose in the journey toward wealth and personal fulfillment.
Patrick opens the discussion by presenting a pivotal quote from prominent psychologists Dr. Roy Baumeister and Dr. Kathleen Voss:
“Present events draw meaning from their connection to future outcomes. Present actions lose their meaning when disconnected from future consequences.”
[01:16] – Patrick Francey
This sets the foundation for exploring how our perception of the present is intrinsically linked to our vision of the future.
Patrick elaborates on the concept that the present derives its significance from future aspirations. He emphasizes that without a future-oriented mindset, actions and experiences become devoid of purpose.
“The present is meaningless unless connected to the future. It is the future that dictates which decisions you opt for.”
[01:35] – Patrick Francey
Stephanie concurs, highlighting that memories serve as tools for self-preservation. She explains:
“Our memories are designed for self-preservation... we're defining our present moment not by what we want to do in the future, but by who we're being because of our memory.”
[04:14] – Stephanie Hanlon Francie
The conversation transitions to the distinction between happiness and pleasure. Patrick references recent statistics showing a decline in Canadian happiness levels, particularly among individuals aged 30 to 59, while noting a slight increase in happiness among those over 60.
“Happiness is a state of being, whereas pleasure is a moment in time. Dopamine, which drives pleasure, actually kills serotonin, which fosters happiness.”
[06:45] – Patrick Francey
Stephanie adds that societal shifts towards survival and basic needs have overshadowed the pursuit of lasting happiness, leading to increased depression, suicide rates, and substance abuse.
Patrick and Stephanie discuss the societal upheavals of recent years, including political divisiveness, economic uncertainties, and social fragmentation. They reflect on how these factors contribute to a collective sense of hopelessness and disconnection from the future.
“We are living in a state where it's hard to connect to and be optimistic about the future, making it challenging to maintain hope and community.”
[08:12] – Stephanie Hanlon Francie
Emphasizing the importance of community, Patrick and Stephanie highlight how collective experiences and supportive relationships are crucial for fostering happiness. They contrast the communal joy of the past with the isolated pursuit of pleasure in the present.
“Happiness happens in groups, but pleasure happens alone.”
[07:20] – Patrick Francey
Stephanie underscores the need for intentional community-building to counteract societal divisiveness and rebuild a sense of belonging.
The episode takes a personal turn as both Patrick and Stephanie share their experiences with grief and loss. Stephanie recounts the devastating plane crash during the European Figure Skating Championships and the subsequent impact on her community. She reflects on the necessity of grieving collectively to rebuild hope.
“When you grieve, you'll grieve as a community. But right now, this is what we have to look forward to and look onward towards.”
[10:50] – Stephanie Hanlon Francie
Patrick shares a poignant memory of losing his best friend in a car accident, emphasizing the completeness that comes from expressing love and resolving unfinished conversations.
“There was a sense of completion... I felt complete after telling my friend I loved him.”
[17:32] – Patrick Francey
Patrick and Stephanie explore strategies for rekindling hope and purpose amidst turmoil. They advocate for embracing truth, engaging in meaningful conversations, and reconnecting with loved ones as pathways to rediscovering happiness.
“Hug your babies, scratch your dogs, say I love you, reconnect.”
[28:37] – Stephanie Hanlon Francie
Stephanie introduces the concept of transforming grief into growth, allowing individuals to process loss and emerge with renewed purpose.
“Underneath the pain is where the joy starts to come back.”
[27:14] – Stephanie Hanlon Francie
Looking ahead, Patrick shares his excitement about chairing the McKay CEO Forums, a national organization that fosters community and support among CEOs of non-competing businesses. This role aligns with his commitment to creating meaningful connections and providing support systems for business leaders navigating challenging times.
“I'm really looking forward to facilitating conversations that help business owners build their enterprises and support each other.”
[30:05] – Patrick Francey
Stephanie echoes the sentiment, emphasizing the importance of staying curious, optimistic, and open to new opportunities, while maintaining authenticity and connection.
“When we can stand in the light of the truth and not be attached to the ego and loss, opportunities start to show up.”
[32:57] – Stephanie Hanlon Francie
As the episode concludes, both hosts reflect on the power of community and honest dialogue in overcoming personal and societal challenges. They reinforce the message that through connection, purposeful action, and maintaining hope, individuals can navigate the complexities of modern life and move toward becoming everyday millionaires in wealth and well-being.
“Having conversations about what's going on and realizing you're not alone is very therapeutic.”
[27:14] – Patrick Francey
Meaning is Future-Oriented: Our present actions and experiences gain significance through their connection to future goals and outcomes.
Happiness vs. Pleasure: Pursuing lasting happiness requires a shift from fleeting pleasures to sustainable states of well-being.
Community is Crucial: Building and maintaining strong communal ties fosters happiness and resilience against societal divisiveness.
Embrace and Process Grief: Acknowledging and grieving losses is essential for personal growth and rediscovering purpose.
Stay Hopeful and Purposeful: Maintaining hope and a clear sense of purpose enables individuals to navigate challenges and seize emerging opportunities.
Patrick Francey:
“Present events draw meaning from their connection to future outcomes. The present is meaningless unless connected to the future.”
[01:16]
Stephanie Hanlon Francie:
“Our memories are designed for self-preservation... we're defining our present moment not by what we want to do in the future, but by who we're being because of our memory.”
[04:14]
Patrick Francey:
“Happiness happens in groups, but pleasure happens alone.”
[07:20]
Stephanie Hanlon Francie:
“When you grieve, you'll grieve as a community. But right now, this is what we have to look forward to and look onward towards.”
[10:50]
Patrick Francey:
“I'm really looking forward to facilitating conversations that help business owners build their enterprises and support each other.”
[30:05]
This episode of The Everyday Millionaire offers listeners deep insights into the psychology of meaning, highlighting the vital role of hope, purpose, and community in achieving both personal and financial success. Through candid discussions and personal anecdotes, Patrick and Stephanie provide a roadmap for navigating current societal challenges and cultivating a mindset conducive to thriving in today's world.