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Patrick Franci
Hi there and welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon Franci. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in. Enjoy. Hey there. Welcome to Mindset Matters where we challenge old thinking, explore new perspectives, and help you design a life that aligns with who you truly are meant to be. Stephanie.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Hey, hun.
Patrick Franci
So I'm not going to tell you the topic. I'm going to share a parable and you can tell me what the topic is. How does that sound?
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
That sounds perfect. Hit me.
Patrick Franci
Okay, here we go. So this is called the Parable of the Bridge Builder. So once upon a time, in a quiet village tucked between two steep cliffs, the only way to cross the very deep ravine was a very old, shaky rope bridge. And most of the villagers totally avoided it because it was dangerous or it felt dangerous. It swayed, it creaked, it looked like it might fall into the ravine. And you take one wrong step and you crash and burn. So one day, a young boy named Eli decided he wanted to learn how to build bridges. So every day he'd go to the ravine, he'd sketch and experiment with materials and he screwed up. A lot of times he was failing. And the villagers laughed at him and kind of said, who do you think you are? And they'd gossip amongst themselves and they'd say, that boy doesn't even have the strength to carry a plank, let alone build a bridge. But Eli kept going. And slowly, over several weeks and several months, the next thing you know, there was this sturdy wooden bridge. And it began by taking shape. And then one day, without any fanfare, it was just done. It was solid, it was safe, it was strong. He was running back and forth across it. And the villagers came and looked at it, and they crossed it and they go, how did you know you could do that? And he smiled at them, and he said, I didn't know I could do that. I just believed I could learn. Oh, wow, okay. Nice parable. So there's the riddle. It's not really a riddle.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Okay, so is Eli. Is the topic about Eli and his decision to make the bridge, even though he didn't know how to make a bridge. So that could be integrity or it could be commitment. Talk about commitment.
Patrick Franci
But think about what they said to him. Think about what they said to him. They said that you can't do it. He said. They said, how did you know you could do it? And he said, I didn't know. I believed I could learn confidence.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
We're talking about confidence.
Patrick Franci
We're talking about confidence.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Yes. My favorite, least favorite topic. Good story, though. I like that.
Patrick Franci
So anyway, good story. So here we go. Confidence, you know, it may sway in strong winds, but it doesn't fall over because it's rooted and the roots run deep. And so even if the tree above the ground shakes, the branches bend, the tree stands tall, anchored in what it knows to be true beneath the surface.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
So another good story.
Patrick Franci
I know, but it's kind of how confidence rules, isn't it?
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
You're full of it tonight.
Patrick Franci
I know I'm full of it. It doesn't mean you're uncertain, because I'm always uncertain. It means here's the thing about confidence, and this is what it is. And then we can start to unpack this a little bit more. Confidence is rooted in self confidence, trust. So when a storm comes along, the tree analogy, or when you're uncertain, you can do something, build a bridge. You have to have confidence in yourself, and you have to have confidence that if a storm does hit, that you don't fall apart. So that is, you know, kind of the opening to confidence. And we can talk about self confidence, we can talk about social confidence, and we can talk about confidence in others, which I think is a really great conversation as well. They're all good. 3 Self confidence is big social confidence. You know, can you have the Comfort and assurance to kind of get out into those social interactions and confidence in others. So the trust or reliability, the belief in their reliability. So we often have shared about the four dimensions of trust. Four dimensions of trust being truth, reliability, competence, and care. Those are the four dimensions of trust. So confidence in others is the trust or belief in someone else's reliability or ability, their competency or their reliability to gain the competence they need. So let's use Eli as an example. They didn't have confidence in Eli. The villagers didn't. Eli had confidence in himself. Although he didn't have the competence, he was reliable in gaining the competence to build the bridge. The villagers did not have confidence in.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Eli, but he knew he could learn. That's what he said at the end. He knew he could learn how to do it right.
Patrick Franci
Gain the confidence. Cool, eh? So why are we talking about competence?
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Why are we talking about confidence? Well, you know, it's a word I struggle with a lot because when I work, of course, with athletes and people who want to make big decisions in their life, they seem to many times want to be waiting, to have a certain feeling, to be. Have a feeling of confidence. Well, when I feel confident, then I'll do it. If I get more education, if I get more tactics, if I can just get more training, then I'll be confident to do the thing. And I remember trying to unpack that over the years and go, you know, it doesn't really resonate with me. I don't think it's confidence. I think sometimes not being confident or not having a feeling of confidence, because I think we all have a different definition of what it should feel like to be confident. But I think it's kind of a limiting belief that we can't take action until we're confident. And, you know, for your example, in Eli's case, he just kept, you know, building one plank at a time and learning and watching and probably making a bunch of mistakes along the way and then carrying on.
Patrick Franci
He did make lots of mistakes. But this goes back to the confidence to do something. And confidence is about believing in yourself, having the confidence to figure it out. That was Eli's story. I had the confidence to learn. I thought I could learn, and that's what it is.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
But that's not a feeling. And that's what I think is so confusing for people. They think it's a feeling. I'm going to feel confident and then I'll take action.
Patrick Franci
Right?
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Right. I think that's when I think about parents that I've talked to and kids that I've worked with, they're like, well, he just needs to feel confident. He's got all the skills. And of course, we always believe in other people more than we believe in ourselves or we borrow confidence from our coaches and our friends and our family. But I. What I would really like to identify is that I don't know in my entire career if I've actually ever felt confidence. Whatever it is, I feel committed, I feel that I can learn. I feel I am brave, I'm courageous, I'm committed. So to me, that's the definition of confidence. So it's not this magical feeling that, you know, you can go in and write an exam and just. Even if you haven't studied, but if you're confident, you know you're going to pass the exam. So I just think there's a misnomer or a misunderstanding. And I think. And again, I think it's an excuse for some people not to take action.
Patrick Franci
Well, I think. Well, of course it is, but this is where it breaks down. This is where I think we need to unpack it a little bit deeper because, you know, this self confidence or confidence isn't outside of us. Self confidence is an inside job. And, you know, when we look at confidence and we think about self confidence, it's our own internal assurance. It's like we're confident in our capability to handle the tasks, the challenges, or the decisions, even if we don't know that we can pull it off. Even if we, you know, will we fail? You know, there's always that out there, but I know, and it takes a long time. I think this is what's interesting about it. I think you have to get a few years under your belt to realize that confidence actually comes from doing something and not just. And not necessarily getting it done right, but to actually know that you can pick up the pieces and repeat or fix the problem or get through it the next time. So there's that self confidence. And I think that what you have. I think what I have now is a lot more confidence in myself and less attachment to what it looks like and whether it fails or doesn't fail. I'm just really confident in my ability to figure it out if it doesn't work out the way I want it to. So it isn't about the confidence in necessarily achieving the result. The, you know, I may not have any confidence in that, but I do have a lot of confidence in my ability to pivot, put in the correction. And that just comes from knowing and taking so Many years to figure me out when I haven't figured me out.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
And that's taken me many years to figure you out too, hun.
Patrick Franci
No, nobody's figured me out. So that's self confidence.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Yeah, but it also. Where does it come from? I mean, I think about people that didn't have my parents, for example, like they believed in me more than I ever believed in me. They thought I was freaking amazing. It didn't matter what I did, they thought I rocked. And even when I didn't, they would pick me up, push me back in the arena, push me back into whatever I was doing. Didn't let me quit, you know, and halfway through a season of golf or whatever, they're like, nope, you signed up for the whole season. So get through it. Bust through your fears. Bust through what it is for you and you and you're going to be. And you got this, you're great. And when you have people that believe in you, I think that's the beginning and it's not a false confidence. I really do think that parents and coaches and teachers have a role in this because we can shine a light on all the time. Like instructing, for example. And I always say this, unfortunately in skating when we're coaching and instructor, we're always pointing out what they're doing wrong. So there has to be a conscious level of pointing out the milestones when they do something right and when they are winning. And you know, finding the little wins. Like you got to the rink on time.
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Yeah.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
You know, and just finding the little without pumping tires, without making it a false sense of like an illusion. But if we don't let people fail and the people that we are responsible for, whether it's the kids or the students or the skaters, we also need to let them pick themselves up again. Because I believe that's where self belief comes from, is if I know, if I wipe out, I take off on this jump or I try this new skill and I fail, I'm going to keep going, I'm going to keep trying. Because I'm more committed to the outcome of what I want than I am to living in the insecurity or even in the regret of quitting.
Patrick Franci
So I mean, there's a couple of ways to approach this conversation. So I often will say is that, you know, confidence is rarely owned. It's almost always borrowed. It's borrowed at least until you gain the confidence in yourself to do something. But you know, as you're sharing your insights, you know, I can't help but think that if you only ever succeed, you have this confidence. But if it ever gets tested, as in you fail, you don't know what's going on. You know, are you confident? Can you pick up the pieces? Are you confident? And do you trust yourself to figure shit out if things go south? And so confidence is, you know, it really is an interesting dynamic of. The confidence really is not about in the task, it is about in your self. The confidence to pull it off number one and or not come to pieces should not work out the way you want. So it is a lot of self confidence in that conversation.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
And I think you need to be able to have a relatedness to failing and to falling. Well, you have to.
Patrick Franci
Jaydeen shared this with us, who, you know, she works with a lot of kids and she talks about skating. I mean, that's part of the industries that we've been in for so many years. But, you know, she points something out about kids learning how to skate. But I think it's that way in any sport is when kids learn a sport and we'll use skating as an example because they're jumping. So do you know how many times kids. Well, you know, I mean, how many. Think about it. How many times do kids try a jump and fall? So they're literally training and they're failing, failing, failing and getting up, getting up, getting up, and then finally they land one and then they crash 10 more times and then they start to land it consistently and the next thing you know, they're landing it, you know, nine, 99 times out of 100. So. But that confidence comes from. Came from the constant failing and picking themselves up again. So there isn't a component of confidence that has to. I think now that we are talking about this, it has to be born out of failing. A few times it does.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
And a commitment, a commitment to getting over it. I think back to Jaydeen is that she calls it feedback. It's not falling, it's not failing, it's feedback.
Patrick Franci
Yeah, good point. That's a great way to frame it. Yeah.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
And exactly. And when I think about all the times that I failed or my skaters have failed or my clients have failed, great feedback. What is the feedback that we're getting? And let's call it feedback, it's not falling or failing. Sometimes it hurts. You know, I've fallen out of my head. I fallen. Remember, I fell off the horse that time and everybody's all freaked out and I'm thinking, I have to go to the hospital and my back and everything and the next morning, woke up and I go, I think I just put my hip back in place. But had I not fallen? Remember that?
Patrick Franci
Yeah, I remember. So, but let's just keep going with this because there's a component of this that is so interesting, right? Which is if you try a few things and you fail, and let's say, okay, we're now into an adult world and some of the things that we're doing are costly, there's a financial cost to the failure. You can lose confidence. You don't want to try it again. Having said all that, when you think about, and when I consider how many people I've interviewed on the Everyday Millionaire podcast, almost everyone has big stories of massive failure and they just got back on the horse, so to speak. They had to have the confidence in themselves to figure it out. And yeah, they were hard and they were expensive and holy crap. But fail that many times and you could lose a lot of confidence. Then you borrow it from other people who believe in you more than you believe in yourself, and you keep going. So anyways, self confidence is a real. That gets deep, doesn't it?
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
It does. It gets really deep. Because I think we're all bumping into our traumas and our failures of the past and when we've been made fun of, maybe, or laughed at. And it's just that, you know, referring to social confidence, right? Like, you know, how many times are going to try this and just not get the result that I want? And there's, you know, I think about my friend Cassera, and she's such a brilliant singer. And it took her into her 20s and early 30s before she would actually get up on stage. And I remember her telling the story about when she was little, she would grab a hairbrush and she would just sing Tina Turner and she would in the Mirror. And she was rocking out. She was so good. But she didn't have that support of the family. They didn't really get it right. So sometimes when we're not gotten until later on in life, and now she's like genius singer and her and her husband and she's got the KitKat club. And like, they're like, now she's like doing this basically and making money at it now. But to know that some of those gifts get suppressed if they're not supported by people who maybe aren't confident in that they know how to support you. Like, my parents didn't know anything about skating or hockey. They had to learn as we were learning, right? So there's also the mindset I think, and I guess from a mindset matter standpoint is what do we bring to our kids and the people that we work with, our staff, our co workers, that can create that environment of confidence? It's like, you know, I've actually heard of people who lead from a place of, well, let's not tell them how good they are because, you know, we don't want them to ask for more money or we don't want them to feel too big for their britches. Remember all that stuff?
Patrick Franci
Yeah. Well, that's. That is interesting. I remember having a conversation with a couple of my guests on the show, and they talk about their confidence. They actually. It's a topic and. And I said, where is it that you came to believe so much in yourself? And they said, my parents. My parents believed in me to a fault, and it was like I could do no wrong. And they just kept saying, you can do it. Go do it. You can do it, you can do it. And they just believed in me so much that even when it didn't work out, it didn't seem to matter. They supported me and believed in me to a fault. So that's an interesting kind of dynamic. And actually, as I'm thinking this through, I'm hearing that same conversation play out in many of the guests that I've had on the show. Here's where I'm going with that. Is that underlying all of that, you know, that self confidence, social confidence? So, for example, social confidence, the comfort and ability or the assurance that we feel in whatever social interaction or social setting that we're in a public setting, for example. So think about somebody who is not confident socially, just kind of get into their head a little bit. You're confident socially, you can still pull it off. Oh, yeah, you don't like it because you're a bit of an introvert. But the point is, is that you're still confident in your ability to have a conversation, to hold a conversation, to do all the things, whether you like. Whether you like it or not. That's a different conversation. My point is this. Somebody who has no social confidence at all, or very little. We've met those over the years. What is the limiting belief that they have? Because we talk about limiting beliefs. So right off, I mean, there's, you know, when you think about the dozen limiting beliefs, there are the, you know, the top ones, of course, is, you know, I'm not enough. But there's also, I'm not worthy, you know, and then there's, I'm not lovable so there's a lot of underlying limiting beliefs that go along with a lack of social confidence. Some story that's running in your software, your operating system running your operating system that says whatever that is, you're not enough, you're not worthy, you're not lovable. I mean, there's all sorts of under, you know, those limiting beliefs that can kind of bring in and then play against our confidence. Because if you don't feel that you're worthy, then you're in a social setting, you're going, what am I doing here? Like, all these people are so much smarter, better, better looking, richer, whatever the story is that you're telling yourself, they speak so much clearer, they're so much better looking. Why am I even here? So that would really kick the shit out of your social confidence. Right? And so I think there's always in these scenarios, there's that hidden, that limiting belief that we operate on top of subconsciously. And of course that's the work that we do. But that's my thought on that.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
I think it's a big deal. And I think it starts with how we're raised, our social environment, our parents, helicopter parents. Are they trying not to make us fail? Are they trying to correct us before we make a failure? Or can they create the space where we get to have the own experience? I think that's the biggest thing that I find with parents is that if they're willing to let their children fail and let them fail in front of their peers, which is how you also build social confidence, is that if they're trying to protect them all the time from not failing, from not making them look bad or whatever, then they're not figuring themselves out. They're not finding out what their values are. They're not, you know, tapping into an inner resilience that I believe as human beings, we're. We're like, don't get me started down this path, but that it's being beat out of so many people. But we have an inner resilience and we have that ability to even share confidence and even go, you know what, that one didn't work out that time. But here, what do you know that I need to know that I can work forward and we can work together and, and then we share that confidence going forward. And I think it's really important to make sure that we don't step over that. A lot of kids were not raised in an environment where they could and believe in themselves and do no wrong, so to speak. Like some of your guests but there is a. A large population of kids that. That really were in survival mode. And that, to me, is something that's really important, something that's really important to be talked about and something that's really important to be healed. Because I have also heard some people say, well, I don't want to tell my kids. I don't want to tell them they're too great, because, you know what? They, you know, we don't want them to be too big for their britches. And to me, that is. That. That's. That's a. That's a clue that we're. We're dealing with somebody that doesn't want to believe in their own children.
Patrick Franci
Right. They're going by their own.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
They all do.
Patrick Franci
Yeah, for sure. So, okay, so that's why we have mindset, matter, show. Okay, so confidence in others. This is a big one. Because, you know, as business owners, as leaders, you know, people look to us and they have to have confidence in our abilities to run the companies, our ability to create product, confidence to manage cash. I mean, there's our. Our teams are really relying on us. So they have to have a lot of confidence in us. We as business owners and we've people that we work with. We have to have confidence in partners. We have to have confidence in service providers. We have to have confidence in. In the individuals that we're relying on to help us or be part of the growth of our business. We have to have confidence in the staff that we have, the leadership team that we have. So confidence in others is a really big deal. And so if you buy your own wiring are not kind of apt to trust somebody else, to trust others. You're going to micromanage, you're going to be in their face. That's probably not going to be a healthy relationship, but you have to build trust. And I was thinking about a call or a podcast I'd watched with Patrick Betten, David pbd, and he was talking about his management team, and he was talking about how a couple of the people that have been with him now for six and seven years before he's willing to offer them an equity position in his business and all sorts of things, because he hasn't necessarily got the confidence in them. So that's a breakdown of trust. Right? It's not that he doesn't trust them. He doesn't think they're sketchy. You know, he just. But it takes years sometimes to gain the trust you need through the different scenarios, through life challenges, through business challenges, to, you know, through the things that show up, can you trust those individuals? And I've learned the hard way that you. You have to take the time to gain that confidence. You know, get that.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
And it takes time. And there's that thing they call blind trust, right? You. You hear the things you want to hear, and then you go, yeah, I'm just going to move forward with this. And it really is. It can bite you in the ass for sure.
Patrick Franci
That's confirmation. Confirmation bias, totally. What do we want to kind of finish up as we wind down? What do we want to hit on with confidence? You know, I think it's safe to say that really, when we talk about confidence, when somebody says, I just don't have the confidence, or they're really saying, I don't have confidence in my ability, I don't trust myself.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
I don't trust myself.
Patrick Franci
Right. And so that goes back to when we think about what we've done as coaches over the years or within rainbow. And what you've done is we create a culture and a community. We really are. Borrow my confidence because I've been where you are. I can lead the way, and I believe in you more than you believe in yourself. So borrow confidence from me that you can take on and I got your back. We're here, we're holding your hand, we got a safety rope on you, whatever the story is, so that you can actually prove to yourself that you can trust yourself, that you can pull it off and have the determination, the discipline, the commitment and commitment. Well, commitment's one thing, but, you know, you've got to still have to meet that commitment. You've got to have the discipline that goes with it and the discipline with it. Let's go back to even the work we do to gain confidence. If you're not confident in. So, for example, if you don't have social confidence and you go, okay, well, gosh, my new role, my new career requires that I break bread with groups of people where I'm going to be at the head of the table or I'm going to be the center of attention, I got no choice. And so you have to gain the confidence. You have to believe in yourself to learn and get there. But that means sometimes you're going to have to unpack and kind of look at what's in your way. And that's where the limiting beliefs, those hidden, limiting beliefs come into play. That's the self reflection, the awareness, and the thinking about what you're thinking about to understand where the breakdown in confidence is. So if you Say I'm not confident. That's a blanket statement. Start asking yourself the next layers of question. Well, what is it? What is the story I'm telling myself or what has happened to me in the past that I'm bringing forward because it's now my truth, based on my experience, that I can't pull this off, I can't trust myself. So that takes work. You gotta unpack that. You gotta look at it and go, okay, in order for me to gain confidence, I gotta look at what story I'm operating on top of. What am I telling myself? That's my, that, that's my coaching.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Well, I think the last thing to, for me and around confidence is that the root of the word confidence is fid. Fid. And FID is the root of the Greek word fidelity. And fidelity means being faithful and being faithful to yourself and trusting yourself down the road that even though you may have failed, can you pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on and know that the journey is never going to be as easy as we had hoped or wished so. But I'm faithful in the or. I have the fidelity to commit to the journey, commit to the training, commit to the, to the outcome or the goal more than I am committed to my fears or my fear of failure. And I think that's where, when we talk about faith and we talk about, you know, what's going on in the world right now is that we're in a lot of this stuff is being kind of socialized out of us. And for me, and from a mindset, matter standpoint, and the people that I'm working for and with, I want them to have a moment to sit with themselves and to, to acknowledge their wins, as small as they can be. And look at where they have had some success and look at where they can borrow confidence and look at the people around them that have come before them. You know, you always used to say, you know, stand on the shoulders of giants and, and we don't have to do it alone. We can borrow the confidence. So I don't want to end this thinking that confidence is a feeling. You know, I think confidence is an action and it's a belief and a trust in self. And I think as we soften and actually today, hun, when this is released, we're in Toronto and we are at an event with the Pullis family. Think about it back in the day.
Patrick Franci
As Rain members, yeah, they got lots of confidence these days. They hit it out of the park.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
But it started back in the day. Like in 2006, 2007, when they were Reign members and Brian was looking for a coach and he hired me, and he was a Reign member and he hired you. And then we folded in the furniture business, and then his wife Nellie got involved, and then one thing led to another and Kyle got involved, and now they've got a big billion dollars of assets under management. But it didn't happen overnight. They had to build that confidence in themselves, in each other and in the community. And I think because we have gotten invited as guests, because we were significant in the, in the journey. And honestly, that gives me a lot of confidence and knowing that maybe it's not going to show up when I think it's going to show up. But in Brian's case, I mean, I bawled when I saw that email when he sent it to us and said, you know, you guys were. You and Patrick were pivotal in our journey. And now we're being invited to celebrate them. So to me, and celebrating the wins along the way, and that's what Brian's doing. He's invited us. We're there today. It's. We're in Toronto and we get to be humbly honored in that regard. No one needs to know, but I believe that we were a part of him and his family building the confidence to do what they're doing now.
Patrick Franci
Yes. And much to celebrate. And just one point I want to get on is that, you know, we have to also reflect and look at the confidence we gain from what we label a failure, even the epic failures, we gain confidence in that. So I'm going to leave it on that note. And I think that was good. That was a good conversation. I liked it.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Yeah, me too. I appreciate it. I know it wasn't an easy one because we bumped around today trying to figure it out, and, you know, we've. I'm leaving tomorrow for Colorado and we're going to Toronto and you're going to Edmonton, and we, We. We did a. I think we did. We broke it down. Nice.
Patrick Franci
Okay. Thank you, Stephanie.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci
Thanks, son. That was fun.
Patrick Franci
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you, the listener. If you have any comments, suggestions or questions you'd like answered, please email me@ceoaincanada.com that's ceorincanada.com I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time, Patrick, go.
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Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire – Mindset Matters
Episode #186: From Fear to Faith: How Real Confidence Is Built, Not Felt
Release Date: May 22, 2025
Introduction
In Episode #186 of The Everyday Millionaire podcast, titled "Mindset Matters – From Fear to Faith: How Real Confidence Is Built, Not Felt," host Patrick Francey engages in a profound conversation with his wife, Stephanie Hanlon Franci, an Olympic mental performance coach. Together, they delve into the intricacies of confidence, exploring how genuine self-assurance is cultivated through actions and experiences rather than merely being an innate feeling.
1. The Parable of the Bridge Builder
Patrick opens the episode with the Parable of the Bridge Builder to set the stage for their discussion on confidence.
Patrick Francey [01:57]: "Once upon a time, in a quiet village... Eli kept going. And he smiled at them, and he said, 'I didn't know I could do that. I just believed I could learn.'"
Stephanie interprets the parable, initially suggesting themes like integrity or commitment, but Patrick refocuses the conversation on confidence.
Patrick Francey [04:10]: "We're talking about confidence."
This parable illustrates Eli's unwavering belief in his ability to learn and build the bridge despite others' skepticism, emphasizing that confidence stems from the decision to persist and learn.
2. Defining Confidence
a. Self-Confidence
Patrick elaborates on the foundation of confidence, likening it to a tree with deep roots that withstands strong winds.
Patrick Francey [04:18]: "Confidence may sway in strong winds, but it doesn't fall over because it's rooted and the roots run deep."
He distinguishes between self-confidence, social confidence, and confidence in others, emphasizing that true confidence is an internal assurance of one's ability to navigate challenges.
b. Social Confidence
Stephanie shares her struggles with the traditional perception of confidence as a feeling, advocating instead for viewing confidence as a belief in one's actions.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci [08:00]: "I don't think it's confidence. I think sometimes not being confident... I don't know in my entire career if I've actually ever felt confidence."
This perspective shifts confidence from a transient emotion to a consistent state of commitment and bravery in the face of uncertainty.
c. Confidence in Others
Patrick discusses the importance of trusting others in various aspects of life, especially in business.
Patrick Francey [26:06]: "...confidence in others is a really big deal... you have to build trust."
He highlights how trust is built over time through consistent reliability, competence, and care, referencing his experience with business partnerships.
3. Building Confidence through Failure
A significant portion of the conversation centers on the role of failure in developing confidence. Both Patrick and Stephanie agree that setbacks are essential for growth.
Patrick Francey [14:11]: "Confidence comes from doing something and not just... knowing that you can pick up the pieces and repeat or fix the problem."
Stephanie adds that reframing failure as feedback is crucial for maintaining and building confidence.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci [15:27]: "Jaydeen calls it feedback. It's not falling, it's not failing, it's feedback."
They emphasize that repeated attempts and resilience in the face of failure are what solidify genuine confidence.
4. The Role of Support Systems
Stephanie underscores the impact of supportive environments and mentors in fostering confidence.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci [12:24]: "...finding the little wins... letting people pick themselves up again."
She shares anecdotes about individuals who, despite lacking initial support, found success through persistent effort and eventual backing from others who believed in their potential.
Patrick echoes this sentiment by reflecting on his guests' stories, noting that many attribute their confidence to the unwavering belief of their parents or mentors.
Patrick Francey [19:00]: "My parents believed in me to a fault... they just believed in me so much that even when it didn't work out, it didn't seem to matter."
5. Trust and Limiting Beliefs
The discussion delves into how limiting beliefs—such as feeling unworthy or not enough—erode confidence.
Patrick Francey [21:54]: "What is the limiting belief that they have?... the story that's running in your software..."
Stephanie links these beliefs to upbringing and social environments, stressing the importance of allowing individuals to experience failure to build inner resilience.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci [23:45]: "...there has to be a conscious level of pointing out the milestones when they do something right..."
6. Cultivating Confidence in Practice
Patrick and Stephanie discuss practical approaches to building and sustaining confidence:
Borrowing Confidence: Drawing strength from supportive relationships and communities.
Patrick Francey [26:41]: "...borrow my confidence because I've been where you are... we're holding your hand."
Commitment and Discipline: Emphasizing the need for consistent effort and dedication to overcome fears and build trust in oneself.
Patrick Francey [29:04]: "...commit to the journey, commit to the training..."
Celebrating Wins: Recognizing and acknowledging small victories to reinforce positive self-belief.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci [31:00]: "...celebrating the wins along the way..."
7. Conclusion
Patrick and Stephanie wrap up the episode by reiterating that confidence is an action and a belief, not merely a fleeting feeling. They highlight the importance of resilience, trust, and supportive environments in cultivating true self-assurance.
Stephanie Hanlon Franci [29:04]: "Confidence is an action and it's a belief and a trust in self."
Patrick concludes by emphasizing that even epic failures contribute to building confidence, as they provide opportunities for growth and reaffirmation of one's ability to persevere.
Patrick Francey [32:22]: "...the confidence is born out of failing a few times."
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
Final Thoughts
This episode of The Everyday Millionaire provides an in-depth exploration of confidence, debunking the myth that it is merely a feeling. Through engaging dialogue and relatable anecdotes, Patrick and Stephanie offer listeners actionable insights into building lasting confidence grounded in self-belief, resilience, and the support of others.