Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire – Mindset Matters
Episode #186: From Fear to Faith: How Real Confidence Is Built, Not Felt
Release Date: May 22, 2025

Introduction

In Episode #186 of The Everyday Millionaire podcast, titled "Mindset Matters – From Fear to Faith: How Real Confidence Is Built, Not Felt," host Patrick Francey engages in a profound conversation with his wife, Stephanie Hanlon Franci, an Olympic mental performance coach. Together, they delve into the intricacies of confidence, exploring how genuine self-assurance is cultivated through actions and experiences rather than merely being an innate feeling.

1. The Parable of the Bridge Builder

Patrick opens the episode with the Parable of the Bridge Builder to set the stage for their discussion on confidence.

Patrick Francey [01:57]: "Once upon a time, in a quiet village... Eli kept going. And he smiled at them, and he said, 'I didn't know I could do that. I just believed I could learn.'"

Stephanie interprets the parable, initially suggesting themes like integrity or commitment, but Patrick refocuses the conversation on confidence.

Patrick Francey [04:10]: "We're talking about confidence."

This parable illustrates Eli's unwavering belief in his ability to learn and build the bridge despite others' skepticism, emphasizing that confidence stems from the decision to persist and learn.

2. Defining Confidence

a. Self-Confidence

Patrick elaborates on the foundation of confidence, likening it to a tree with deep roots that withstands strong winds.

Patrick Francey [04:18]: "Confidence may sway in strong winds, but it doesn't fall over because it's rooted and the roots run deep."

He distinguishes between self-confidence, social confidence, and confidence in others, emphasizing that true confidence is an internal assurance of one's ability to navigate challenges.

b. Social Confidence

Stephanie shares her struggles with the traditional perception of confidence as a feeling, advocating instead for viewing confidence as a belief in one's actions.

Stephanie Hanlon Franci [08:00]: "I don't think it's confidence. I think sometimes not being confident... I don't know in my entire career if I've actually ever felt confidence."

This perspective shifts confidence from a transient emotion to a consistent state of commitment and bravery in the face of uncertainty.

c. Confidence in Others

Patrick discusses the importance of trusting others in various aspects of life, especially in business.

Patrick Francey [26:06]: "...confidence in others is a really big deal... you have to build trust."

He highlights how trust is built over time through consistent reliability, competence, and care, referencing his experience with business partnerships.

3. Building Confidence through Failure

A significant portion of the conversation centers on the role of failure in developing confidence. Both Patrick and Stephanie agree that setbacks are essential for growth.

Patrick Francey [14:11]: "Confidence comes from doing something and not just... knowing that you can pick up the pieces and repeat or fix the problem."

Stephanie adds that reframing failure as feedback is crucial for maintaining and building confidence.

Stephanie Hanlon Franci [15:27]: "Jaydeen calls it feedback. It's not falling, it's not failing, it's feedback."

They emphasize that repeated attempts and resilience in the face of failure are what solidify genuine confidence.

4. The Role of Support Systems

Stephanie underscores the impact of supportive environments and mentors in fostering confidence.

Stephanie Hanlon Franci [12:24]: "...finding the little wins... letting people pick themselves up again."

She shares anecdotes about individuals who, despite lacking initial support, found success through persistent effort and eventual backing from others who believed in their potential.

Patrick echoes this sentiment by reflecting on his guests' stories, noting that many attribute their confidence to the unwavering belief of their parents or mentors.

Patrick Francey [19:00]: "My parents believed in me to a fault... they just believed in me so much that even when it didn't work out, it didn't seem to matter."

5. Trust and Limiting Beliefs

The discussion delves into how limiting beliefs—such as feeling unworthy or not enough—erode confidence.

Patrick Francey [21:54]: "What is the limiting belief that they have?... the story that's running in your software..."

Stephanie links these beliefs to upbringing and social environments, stressing the importance of allowing individuals to experience failure to build inner resilience.

Stephanie Hanlon Franci [23:45]: "...there has to be a conscious level of pointing out the milestones when they do something right..."

6. Cultivating Confidence in Practice

Patrick and Stephanie discuss practical approaches to building and sustaining confidence:

• Borrowing Confidence: Drawing strength from supportive relationships and communities.

  Patrick Francey [26:41]: "...borrow my confidence because I've been where you are... we're holding your hand."

• Commitment and Discipline: Emphasizing the need for consistent effort and dedication to overcome fears and build trust in oneself.

  Patrick Francey [29:04]: "...commit to the journey, commit to the training..."

• Celebrating Wins: Recognizing and acknowledging small victories to reinforce positive self-belief.

  Stephanie Hanlon Franci [31:00]: "...celebrating the wins along the way..."

7. Conclusion

Patrick and Stephanie wrap up the episode by reiterating that confidence is an action and a belief, not merely a fleeting feeling. They highlight the importance of resilience, trust, and supportive environments in cultivating true self-assurance.

Stephanie Hanlon Franci [29:04]: "Confidence is an action and it's a belief and a trust in self."

Patrick concludes by emphasizing that even epic failures contribute to building confidence, as they provide opportunities for growth and reaffirmation of one's ability to persevere.

Patrick Francey [32:22]: "...the confidence is born out of failing a few times."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Patrick Francey [04:10]: "We're talking about confidence."
• Stephanie Hanlon Franci [08:00]: "I don't think it's confidence. I think sometimes not being confident... I don't know in my entire career if I've actually ever felt confidence."
• Patrick Francey [14:11]: "Confidence comes from doing something and not just... knowing that you can pick up the pieces and repeat or fix the problem."
• Stephanie Hanlon Franci [15:27]: "Jaydeen calls it feedback. It's not falling, it's not failing, it's feedback."
• Patrick Francey [19:00]: "My parents believed in me to a fault... they just believed in me so much that even when it didn't work out, it didn't seem to matter."
• Patrick Francey [26:06]: "...confidence in others is a really big deal... you have to build trust."
• Stephanie Hanlon Franci [31:00]: "...celebrating the wins along the way..."
• Patrick Francey [32:22]: "...the confidence is born out of failing a few times."

Final Thoughts

This episode of The Everyday Millionaire provides an in-depth exploration of confidence, debunking the myth that it is merely a feeling. Through engaging dialogue and relatable anecdotes, Patrick and Stephanie offer listeners actionable insights into building lasting confidence grounded in self-belief, resilience, and the support of others.