Podcast Summary: Mindset Matters - Episode #193
Title: Partner With Your Ego: How to Stop Battling Yourself
Host/Author: Patrick Francey
Guest: Stephanie Hanlon, Olympic Mental Performance Coach
Release Date: July 10, 2025
Podcast: The Everyday Millionaire
Introduction
In Episode #193 of The Everyday Millionaire, hosts Patrick and his wife Stephanie Hanlon delve deep into the intricate relationship between individuals and their ego. Titled "Partner With Your Ego: How to Stop Battling Yourself," this episode serves as a transformative guide for listeners aiming to understand and harness their ego rather than contend with it.
Understanding Ego
The episode begins with Patrick introducing the central theme:
Patrick Hanlon [00:00]: "Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast... we're going to talk about ego today."
They explore the multifaceted nature of ego, challenging the common perception of it as merely arrogance or selfishness. Instead, they propose viewing the ego as a complex interplay of self-preservation and identity formation.
Expert Insights on Ego
1. Eckhart Tolle: Presence Over Personality Patrick references Eckhart Tolle’s perspective on ego:
Patrick Hanlon [03:15]: "His line is presence over personality... the ego is addicted to being right."
Tolle defines ego as a false identity built upon roles and memories, emphasizing the shift from identifying with this ego to embracing the present moment, where the ego cannot thrive.
2. Dr. Gabor Maté: Ego as a Survival Mechanism Dr. Maté offers a compassionate view:
Patrick Hanlon [08:05]: "The ego has survival strategies... it isn't an enemy to eliminate, but a part of ourselves to understand and to eventually outgrow."
Maté describes the ego as rooted in childhood experiences where love and safety were conditional, suggesting that understanding these roots can help individuals outgrow their ego’s limiting patterns.
3. Michael Singer: The Inner Narrator The discussion shifts to Michael Singer’s take:
Patrick Hanlon [15:09]: "Singer reframes the ego as the inner narrator... it creates chaos."
Singer portrays the ego as an incessant voice that tries to control reality, insisting on being right and maintaining control, which paradoxically leads to inner turmoil.
4. Carl Jung: Gateway to the Self Carl Jung's psychological insights are explored:
Patrick Hanlon [22:35]: "For Jung, the ego is not inherently bad, it's just limited... to integrate the ego with the unconscious to meet our Shadow."
Jung sees the ego as a functional aspect of the self that often obscures the deeper, more authentic parts of our identity, advocating for the integration of the shadow self to achieve wholeness.
5. Richard Rohr: False Self vs. True Self Patrick introduces Richard Rohr’s perspective:
Patrick Hanlon [32:49]: "Rohr calls the ego the false self, the mask we wear to earn approval."
Rohr emphasizes the contrast between the false self, driven by the need for control and approval, and the true self that embodies authentic presence and acceptance.
6. Brené Brown: Armor of Ego Lastly, Brené Brown’s research is discussed:
Patrick Hanlon [35:29]: "Brown sees ego as armor, the set of behaviors we use to avoid feeling exposed."
Brown’s work links ego to behaviors aimed at avoiding vulnerability and shame, advocating for a relational approach where dropping this armor leads to genuine connections.
Personal Stories and Reflections
Stephanie’s Journey with Ego Stephanie shares her personal battles with ego, emphasizing the importance of self-reflection and acceptance:
Stephanie Hanlon [06:31]: "Our memories are designed for self-preservation... I had to let go of being just the hero."
She discusses how redefining her identity beyond being always right or a perpetual hero has been pivotal in her personal growth and professional coaching.
Patrick’s Growth and Observations Patrick reflects on his evolution:
Patrick Hanlon [15:00]: "Several months ago... understanding that the ego needs to be right changed how I hear people."
He acknowledges his past tendencies to always be right and how embracing a more reflective approach has improved his interactions and personal well-being.
Practical Takeaways
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Self-Assessment Questions:
- What is your ego trying to protect you from?
- Can you be okay even when you're not right or liked?
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Techniques to Partner with Ego:
- Empathy: Putting oneself in another’s shoes to understand different perspectives.
- Mindfulness: Observing internal dialogues without immediate judgment or reaction.
- Shadow Work: Bringing repressed aspects of oneself into the light for integration and healing.
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Overcoming Ego-Driven Behaviors:
- Recognizing triggers that activate ego defenses.
- Practicing vulnerability and authenticity in interactions.
- Letting go of the need for external validation and approval.
Concluding Insights
Patrick and Stephanie wrap up the episode with a compassionate reminder that partnering with one's ego is a lifelong journey:
Patrick Hanlon [43:31]: "No regrets, zero regrets... Take your stand. It will change the trajectory of your life in the most positive way."
They emphasize the importance of authenticity and the courage to stand alone when necessary, highlighting the long-term benefits of aligning with one's true self over temporary comfort from ego-driven behaviors.
Final Thoughts
This episode of The Everyday Millionaire offers a profound exploration of the ego, blending expert insights with personal anecdotes. Listeners are encouraged to engage in self-reflection, embrace their authentic selves, and transform their relationship with their ego to live a more fulfilling and purposeful life.
Notable Quotes:
- Patrick Hanlon [02:05]: "The ego says, I am what I have, I am what I do, and I'm what people think of me. And none of it's true."
- Stephanie Hanlon [06:31]: "If I'm only the hero in my memories, then I don't ever look at the other side."
- Patrick Hanlon [16:08]: "Stop believing everything you think."
- Stephanie Hanlon [17:55]: "I would rather be rejected or unliked rather than to not speak my truth."
- Stephanie Hanlon [41:20]: "No one can hurt you without your permission."
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