Mindset Matters - Episode #197 - Clarity Equals Velocity: The Real Reason You Feel Stuck

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Everyday Millionaire

Episode: Mindset Matters - Episode #197 - Clarity Equals Velocity: The Real Reason You Feel Stuck
Release Date: August 7, 2025
Hosts: Patrick Francey and Stephanie Hanlon

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Overview

In Episode #197 of The Everyday Millionaire, hosts Patrick Francey and Stephanie Hanlon delve deep into the transformative concept of "Clarity Equals Velocity." This episode explores the intricate layers of clarity required to overcome feelings of being stuck and emphasizes the importance of purposeful thinking over mere positive thinking. Through candid conversations, personal anecdotes, and practical insights, Patrick and Stephanie guide listeners on a journey to unlock their greatest potential and live their best lives.

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Introduction to Mindset Matters and Clarity Equals Velocity

[00:00] Patrick Francey (A):
Patrick sets the stage by introducing the theme of the episode, emphasizing the critical role mindset plays in navigating the complexities of today's world. He introduces Stephanie Hanlon, an Olympic mental performance coach, highlighting their collaborative efforts to provide listeners with actionable ideas and tools for personal growth.

[01:23] Stephanie Hanlon (B):
Stephanie elaborates on the concept of "mind shui" or "feng shui for the mind," stressing that it's about intentional and purposeful thinking. She explains how this approach helps in clearing mental clutter and realigning with one's true purpose.

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The Essence of Clarity Equals Velocity

The core message revolves around the mantra "Clarity Equals Velocity," a concept Patrick and Stephanie have focused on for the past few years.

[01:52] Patrick (A):
Patrick shares his realization that often, individuals aren't even aware of their lack of clarity. He describes "Clarity Equals Velocity" as a multi-layered process, where each layer of understanding propels one forward with greater speed and purpose.

[02:32] Stephanie (B):
Stephanie compares gaining clarity to cleaning one's house—starting with one project and uncovering deeper layers as you progress. She humorously suggests renaming the podcast to "Clarity Equals Velocity" to reflect this ongoing process.

Notable Quote:
"Clarity equals velocity. It's a funky little statement, but when you start to unpack it, you realize how many layers of clarity are required to get clear." — Patrick Francey [01:52]

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Understanding Stagnation and the Role of Clarity

Patrick and Stephanie discuss how lack of clarity often leads to stagnation, with individuals masking their indecision or confusion with excuses.

[04:29] Patrick (A):
He explains that staying unclear becomes a convenient excuse to avoid making necessary changes, thereby hindering personal progress.

[05:05] Stephanie (B):
Stephanie humorously interjects, emphasizing that hiding behind confusion is a common tactic among adults who aren't fully committed to their desired changes.

Notable Quote:
"We hide behind it. So we don't as much... We can have excuses, you know, and we're maybe not even saying, 'I'm not clear.' That's the truth." — Patrick Francey [05:05]

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The Layers of Clarity

The conversation delves into the sequential layers one must navigate to achieve true clarity.

1. Awareness:
   Recognizing the lack of clarity is the first step. However, awareness alone isn't sufficient for change.

2. Accountability and Responsibility:
   Once aware, individuals must take responsibility for their situations, shedding excuses and blame.

3. Actionable Steps:
   Taking concrete steps towards change is essential. This involves executing decisions and maintaining momentum.

[07:06] Patrick (A):
Patrick emphasizes that awareness leads to responsibility, which in turn necessitates taking action. He uses personal anecdotes to illustrate the challenges of moving past mere awareness to actual implementation.

[09:48] Stephanie (B):
Stephanie introduces the idea of delay tactics—using lack of clarity as a means to appear busy without making real progress.

Notable Quote:
"Clarity equals velocity. It creates momentum and then into velocity." — Patrick Francey [34:50]

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Taking Ownership: Responsibility Over Blame

A significant portion of the episode focuses on embracing responsibility instead of falling into the blame game.

[12:27] Patrick (A):
Patrick references Jocko Willink's concept of "extreme ownership," advocating for individuals to take full responsibility for their lives, both the good and the bad.

[16:34] Stephanie (B):
Stephanie expands on emotional resilience, explaining how accepting responsibility leads to better emotional regulation and the ability to navigate life's challenges more effectively.

Notable Quote:
"There is no blame. It's not about blaming ourselves. It's about holding ourselves accountable and responsible." — Stephanie Hanlon [16:34]

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Overcoming Fear of Judgment

The hosts address how fear of others' judgments can impede decision-making and personal growth.

[22:04] Patrick (A):
Patrick discusses the internal conflict between wanting to be appreciated and the necessity of making authentic decisions that might not align with others' expectations.

[25:15] Stephanie (B):
Stephanie shares personal experiences of realizing that people's actions towards her were more about them than about her, which helped her detach from seeking approval.

Notable Quote:
"When you think about it, it's not that I don't care because I'm a nice person, I'm a good person and I... but when it comes to velocity, I can't care about certain things or I'll take it on, put it in the backpack and it'll just slow me down a hundred percent." — Stephanie Hanlon [23:54]

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Practical Exercises for Gaining Clarity

Patrick and Stephanie introduce practical exercises to help listeners gain clarity without overwhelming them.

Permission to Quit:
A visualization exercise that encourages individuals to imagine their lives without their current burdens, helping them identify what they truly want without the pressure of making immediate changes.

Make a List of What You Don't Want:
Starting with identifying dislikes to work backwards towards understanding true desires.

Notable Quote:
"It's a bit dissociative so they can put themselves into the future and say, okay, who would I be? How would I show up if I'm not... it's a powerful exercise because it's just a conversation to start, to gain clarity, nothing needs to change." — Stephanie Hanlon [32:03]

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Authenticity as a Catalyst for Velocity

The episode concludes by highlighting the importance of authenticity in achieving clarity and maintaining momentum.

[35:46] Stephanie (B):
Stephanie emphasizes that being authentic allows one to align actions with true desires, thereby enhancing velocity and momentum in personal endeavors.

[36:48] Patrick (A):
Patrick wraps up by reiterating that clarity leads to action, and authenticity ensures that the actions taken are truly reflective of one's goals and values.

Notable Quote:
"Clarity is also about authenticity. And the velocity of things that come in my life is when I'm truly being myself." — Stephanie Hanlon [36:53]

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Conclusion and Takeaways

Clarity Equals Velocity:
Understanding that achieving clarity is a multi-layered process that propels individuals forward with intention and purpose.

Taking Responsibility:
Embracing extreme ownership of one's life circumstances fosters personal growth and resilience.

Overcoming Fear of Judgment:
Detaching from others' expectations allows for more authentic and effective decision-making.

Practical Tools:
Engaging in exercises like "Permission to Quit" and listing dislikes aids in uncovering true desires and fostering clarity.

Authenticity:
Being true to oneself is crucial for maintaining momentum and achieving desired outcomes.

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Final Thoughts:
Patrick and Stephanie provide a comprehensive exploration of how clarity, responsibility, and authenticity interconnect to drive personal and financial success. Their honest dialogue and practical insights offer listeners valuable strategies to break free from stagnation and move confidently towards their goals.

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Call to Action:
If you found value in this episode, please rate, review, and share it with others. For comments, suggestions, or questions, email Patrick at ceoaincanada.com. Until next time, Patrick goes.

Transcript

[A]

Foreign. Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon. Francie. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in, enjoy. Hey there, and welcome to Mindset Matters, where we explore the thoughts that shape our lives and how to clear the ones that don't. Here's where we're going to step into the practice of mind shui or feng shui for the mind. It's not just about positive thinking. It's about purposeful thinking. And the Meng Shui wei helps you clear the mental clutter, uncover hidden beliefs, and realign with your truth so you can live with clarity, energy, and purpose in all areas of your life. Stephanie.

[B]

Hi, honey.

[A]

I like that opening. I think.

[B]

I like it too. And you know what I like a lot about it is that when we start to talk about mine, shui and feng shui for the mind and everything, it kind of shifts us off. Shifts us off. A little bit of mindset matters. Kind of. It's a little bit more, I think, a little deeper into some of the work that we want to do going forward.

[A]

Yeah, deeper, broader. Swim lane is wider. Yeah, we talk about a lot of shit. It's good.

[B]

Yeah, I love it.

[A]

Okay, so for the past couple of years, we've really focused on this mantra of clarity equals velocity. And as I'm kind of thinking through and realizations over the time that we've had is that, you know, sometimes we're not even clear that we're not clear. So clarity equals velocity. It's a funky little statement, but when you start to unpack it, you realize how many layers of clarity are required to get clear. And in the many areas of life, like, it's a bit of a mind screw. Yeah.

[B]

Mind fuck. You can say it. We're all adults here.

[A]

It is a little bit of a mind fuck. Right. Because you think you're clear or you don't realize you're not clear, but something so you're indecisive, don't know what to do. Right. And at some Point, you get to the realization you may be stuck. And lots of times people don't know that they're stuck or they don't know why they're stuck. Of course, then they have the revelation of, oh, gosh, I'm just not clear. But in getting clear. So think about that. In getting clear, you actually just got went through one layer. So in other words, you came to the realization that you're not clear. That's a layer of clarity. You follow that thought process, or am.

[B]

I making it really funny? It's like cleaning your house, though. You know, it's like what we did today is that we started on one project, and next thing you know, we had the whole house ripped apart. And I'm cleaning the corners and vacuuming and. And dusting things I haven't seen in ages. Right. That's gaining clarity. Right? But it's layer after layer after layer, and maybe that's what we should call our podcast, Clarity Equals Velocity. Something like that, right?

[A]

Yep. Clarity Equals Velocity Podcast. Welcome. Okay, anyways, so we're carrying on. So the point is, is that the other realization I came to is, you know, in listening and doing our research and listening to the guys that we listen to, the people we listen to, the realization that kind of occurred for me is, how often are we sometimes, I don't know, baffled or don't understand how somebody isn't getting something. You know, we see it in them before they see it often. But, you know, we ask all the right questions. We try and direct and get the questions because that's part of what we believe. And we know is that often when we're working with a group or with an individual, the point is, is they have the answers. It's up to us to ask the right questions so that they get the.

[B]

Answers and to clear the clutter.

[A]

And to clear the clutter.

[B]

Right, Help them clear the clutter. They have to clear it. We can't do that for them.

[A]

Well, we can't. No, we can't do it because we don't see the clutter. They see it. We see it, but they go through the layers of it, the mental gymnastics that it takes. Okay, so my point is this. I think that in. Even on my own experience, there's a part of it where it's. If you stay confused, if you're not clear, you can hide behind it for not having what you say you want.

[B]

Oh, zing. Whoa. Don't step over that, cowboy. Say that again. Did you write that down? Say that again.

[A]

We hide behind it. So we don't as much. It's like the old, you know, it's like. People say they want to change. That's actually not what they want. They want some circumstances of their life to change, but generally they don't want to have to change to achieve those results, and they don't want to change, so they don't want that change. That's the discomfort. I want to unpack a lot of this. So then the next. What I said was, is I think sometimes there's. And I'll speak for myself, too. I think I'm guilty of this if I reflect and do all those things. But we hide behind the uncertainty or the confusion because it becomes our excuse for not achieving the vision that we say that we want.

[B]

Well said.

[A]

We can blame. We can have excuses, you know, and we're maybe not even saying, I'm not clear. That's the truth. The story we tell ourselves is that the timing's not right or Joe has, you know, if Joe was older or she was younger or if the kids had left home or if I married somebody else. I don't know. Whatever, you know. You follow? Is that. Am I making sense? I don't know if I'm making sense.

[B]

Well, yeah. I mean, the first layer of clarity is what you don't want, right? We walk into these conversations with people and. And they go, well, I maybe don't know exactly what I do want, but I sure don't. I sure know what I don't want, you know? So we help them unpack what they don't want. Then layers of clarity show up and they go, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a sec. How do I know I don't want that? Maybe I'm not even clear on that. And I think as we go through the first couple layers, right? Whether it's through the onboarding process or the conversations, is that if we can bump into the fact that they can tell the truth or I tell the truth, that I'm just not clear right now. I'm not clear. I'm struggling because if I get clear, it means I have to take action and I have to be responsible.

[A]

So there is the next layer, right? So we get into this space where we talk a lot about awareness. The first step in any kind of shift or change is having awareness. But the reality of it is that awareness is not enough. You then have to take action. You have to take a step. You have to execute on something. You have to apply something. You have to actually take action to take the next step of what you say. That you want now that you have that awareness. So let's see if we can come up with an example. Well, first off, the awareness, for example, that you're not clear. Let's just keep it that simple. Holy cop. I realize that I'm just not really clear on what's going on. And I need to have a difficult conversation, an uncomfortable conversation, a courageous conversation, whoever. With whoever you need to, and however you want to word that now you're telling the truth. But do you take action? Most or many go, no, I don't want to do that. They'll be angry at me. It will hurt their feelings. It might make the deal go south. I may lose money. They may not like me. That's another conversation. So it's easier to stay stuck and have an excuse than to have awareness and then know that in the background you're actually. You can't bullshit anymore. You're. Even if you're telling somebody, you're still confused. You're only lying to yourself because you know the answer. So these are. These are. This is the mental gymnastics that I think many, you know, go through. And, I mean, these aren't big, profound thoughts. I think they're thoughts that happen in nanoseconds once you realize that that's how you're operating. That's the layer of clarity.

[B]

Well, I think there's a delay tactic that happens, hon, if you choose not to be clear or you choose to add another layer of unclarity or whatever. It's a delay tactic. A delay tactic, possibly to what it is that you say you want. Sometimes I, you know, with people, I say, you know, you don't have to stick to the goal. If you set it, you can unset the goal. You know, you can reset. You can. You can decide that you don't want what you say you want if we just need to pause and take a look at it and gain some clarity. Because the truth is, if it's a delay tactic, if clarity equals velocity, then lack of clarity is just motion. It makes it look like you're working. It makes it look like you're doing things and moving forward, working hard, painting a busy picture, as my mom always used to say. And the truth is, it's a delay tactic to moving forward.

[A]

It is a delay tactic. And so that, once again, we have that awareness. That's another layer of clarity. So, like I said, the whole thought process of clarity equals velocity is the Just so many layers that we get to. Because when we get through one layer, another layer kind of is There. So it's just to say that we use the term clarity equals velocity. But we then have to say, okay, we have some clarity. We have an awareness around it, which means we have to take responsibility for it and either step into a space where we're holding ourselves accountable, having somebody else support us in being accountable. And. And if we don't know where to go, then it's still our responsibility or what to do. Then we have the responsibility of figuring it out or reaching out to somebody who can help you figure it out. I mean, I've been in many situations for extended periods of time where I'm going, I know what the problem is. I don't know how to fix it, and I don't even know who to reach out to to fix it. And then the process has to become break it down further. What is one step? One step, one step. Don't look at the whole problem, just keep looking at the next step. And then that's also where clarity exists. As you move forward, things show up that you didn't know were there. And that's something we've talked about before, which is if you look at the top of the mountain, if your vision is the top of that mountain and you're looking at the top of that mountain, you're at a high risk of being overwhelmed. I'm very guilty of that because I see a whole broader picture. I get bitten, bitchy about it, and I go, okay, we. We actually went through some version of that today. This morning when you and I were chatting about all the things that I had on my plate, and I'm going, what the. I am. I'm losing my mind. So the point is that we started breaking it down. You got really bitchy, like you do, in a good way with me. And then we started kind of working through it. And it was actually my irritation with you that helped me get clear into how I wanted to handle it.

[B]

Right, Because I'm your mirror, right? I'm your foil. You wouldn't have married me if I was, you know, just your. I am your biggest cheerleader, but I'm also your biggest foil. Because part of the growth. And I've really been looking into this lately since we've been really focusing on mine. Shui way is that the relationships that we choose in our life that are really going to move us forward, our intimate relationships, our friendships are our love relationships, maybe even our life partners, aren't there just to pump our tires and be our cheerleaders. They're there to help us grow 100%.

[A]

And we're going to attract those individuals that in fact do that. And by the way, you know, those individuals that we tracked are often the individuals that give us the most painful lessons.

[B]

True.

[A]

Right. And certainly both you and I have had those experiences and realizations that, you know, somebody in our life, things have gone south for all the reasons they've gone south. And we feel, or may have felt that we got taken advantage of or we got caught. But that's the lesson. Right? There's always when you. And this goes back to responsibility and accountability. So extreme ownership, which we've talked about many times. Jocko Wilnick. That book, I think, is a game changer for anybody who really wants to take responsibility for all that's going on in their life. The good, the bad. And that's always an interesting.

[B]

And also Spider Man. Spider Man. Remember, his uncle said, with great power comes great responsibility.

[A]

Yeah. So what's your.

[B]

Just Jocko, Whaleneck and Spider man, you know, same thing.

[A]

Just they're the same. The point is that when you start to realize that we do in fact attract circumstances, we do in fact, attract people that we have the most to learn from. That's kind of just the nature of it. And then when you start to look at your life and whatever you're maybe not happy with or what it is that you're trying to achieve is stop making excuses, stop blaming and stop complaining and just go, what is the difference I could have made? How did I create this? How do I get out of this, not make excuses for the circumstances and blame and complain? I mean, there's more to that lesson than just that. And the point of it is that when we start to take responsibility, that lends itself to a next level of clarity, because you're only looking at what you have control over, what you didn't have control over. The indecision, the decision, the circumstances that you created, the agreements that you made, those are all things that are in our control, and we have to own that.

[B]

And I think the longer we delay, create whatever delay tactics, whether it's excuses or I can't do this because of that, or you did this and now I'm a victim to that and I can't. And it becomes this loop that we go over and over and over again. Well, how do we disrupt the pattern? How do we, you know, break that loop in a way that we go, okay, well, just because I'm going to take responsibility and then I'm fully accountable. I'm a hundred percent responsible. I'm one Hundred percent accountable for what it is that is going on in my life. I can't be a victim. I can't deflect it onto anybody else. I'd like to deflect it onto you a lot of times, but I know I can't because you don't take it on and I don't take on yours. But the truth is some. My experience is that even from a health standpoint, I've had people say to me, so, well, Stephanie, so what you're saying is that I have cancer and it's my fault, right? Or I broke my leg and it's my fault, or I didn't win, or I didn't have this result and it's my fault. I don't think it's. The word is it's my fault. There's no blame in it. When I get to the higher level of accountability in the work that I do is around emotional resilience and regulation. Emotional regulation is that it's about how do we take full responsibility and accountability for what the result is. And many times, what I've seen, as we walk it back and see what the result is that they didn't like, they actually can pinpoint where they made a decision in the past that took a trajectory, that got the result that they got. And it's not blame. It's. It's not a bad thing. It's just, let's unpack it. Let's take a look. Let's really soften the conversation so that we can look at the outcome that you didn't like and then walk it back and see where we could have done it different and where we will do it differently in the future.

[A]

You know, that's. Let's just go a little bit deeper on that just so that there's some usable, maybe some thought process behind that, because you said it, which is, there is no blame. It's not about blaming ourselves. It's about holding ourselves accountable and responsible. And then if we get circumstances that we don't, we're not happy with or didn't go the way we thought, we then sit back and unpack it and go, where did we make the decision from? Were we maybe being a little imbalanced in what we believe or the business that we were doing with somebody? In other words, were we kind of ignoring that? Maybe they play in the gray area and we are pretending not to know and we stepped over it? Were we making a call from our ego of needing to be right and needing to get that deal done and being Able to tell our friends that we got this deal done or whatever the story may be. The point is, where did the decision come from that put you in the circumstances? And if you unpack that decision, you can often see where you stepped over something or it wasn't coming from a place of, well, will call and use the word integrity and you were out of alignment with who you are and what you believe. And you just thought, well, if I just cheat a little bit, cut this corner, just ignore this a little bit, it'll be okay. And then down the road it comes back and bites you in the ass.

[B]

Oh man. If I just ignore this, right? If I just ignore this and I don't look at it or I don't pay attention to it, I'll get over it. I'll just put it to the side. I'll get away with it. And I think there's a lot of people, you know, know, in my experience that have gotten away with a lot of stuff. Whether it's because they're talented or they're good looking or they're wealthy or whatever, they get away with stuff. But eventually I've experienced as it catches up, you know, there's stuff that just catches up with us and then eventually you just get, you know, smacked across the head and then you have to deal with what is. And I always say that my business is your isness, right? Like we have to get to the point where what is the truth of what's going on so that we can then help you reset the trajectory of what it is you say that you want. You know, we were listening to something today. I think it was Gary V. Baron Chuck. And he was like, he was talking about responsibility, accountability, and he said something really interesting. And he said, you know what, if you're 22, if you're 22 or older, you're a grownup. And if you're still taking handouts and you're still taking money from your parents and you're still doing those things, then you're not an adult, you're not a grownup. And I like went like, whoa, whoa, what does that even mean? But what he was talking about is that how do we empower the kids around us and the people around us and the young adults around us to take full responsibility and accountability without us always putting in the correction for. And when he said 22 years old, I realized that's when my parents cut me off. I was 22, I was in university and I was using my dad's credit card and I was Buying my mom a Christmas present with my dad's money. And I was like, I thought I was like moving all the chess pieces. Then I realized I just wasn't a grownup. And that accountability really got me, I think, on a new trajectory when I realized that I needed to pay my own bills, I needed to pay my mortgage, nobody was going to pay my phone bill for me, nobody was going to do my push ups for me. It was that level of accountability that hit me across the head. And I think about now how tough it is right now for kids to, you know, pay their rent or, or, or buy a house or whatever. The rules seems to have changed. And I don't know how you feel about that or if that's going in a new, new rabbit hole that.

[A]

Well, it's going into a little bit of a, A rabbit. No, it is definitely going down a rabbit hole. Only in that it's an important topic. I would want to kind of unpack that in a, in, in a separate episode, because I think it's an important topic. But I, I don't want to go down that rabbit hole too far here. I think there's a. The point of what you're trying to make is understanding accountability and responsibility is very difficult if you don't really think it through. This goes back to clarity and velocity. And when you start to do that, a lot of things change because you're just taking responsibility. So if somebody's waiting to make a decision, or you're waiting for somebody to make a decision and is dragging things out, you may go, hey, listen, I'm moving forward without you. I can't hang around when you, you know, catch up when you're ready. Like it's, it's really not making excuses. It's going, okay, how can I have a conversation with this partner or that particular individual and then change how we thought we were originally going to go into a deal, for example, and say, no, I'm moving on, I have to keep going. And so my point of, I guess all of this is that when you start to take accountability, it's not this things that happen to you in a negative way. I think there's something that we talk about that is that when things are going good, we own it all. If we're making money and the business is good or our career is great and we're getting promotion, who owns all of that? We do. Like when shit's happening in the right direction and we're crushing it.

[B]

Oh yeah, we're genius.

[A]

Or a genius. We're responsible and accountable for all those things. All of those things. We, you know, all the success, all the whatever promotions, all the, the things that we wanted to achieve, when that's us, we did all of that. But when the proverbial yogurt hits the fan, God, you know, do you avoid it? You go, well that's not my fault, not my fault. So just be careful around those are that. So this actually is not even where I wanted to go with this conversation, but I think it's an important one.

[B]

Well, you should give me more heads up is what we're talking about. See how you take it off the rails.

[A]

Well, no, but, no, that's fine, that's. No, this is good, this is good. This is a good episode to kind of bounce around a little bit because some of the accountability, the responsibility, the blame game and all the rest of it. Let's touch on something that I think is really important and that was the question of how many decisions or how many things do you do or not do because of the judgment of others. Now we've touched on this before, but how many things do we do or not do? Change jobs, marry that person, go on that date, spend that money, don't spend that money, live in a certain way, dress a certain way, have a certain hairstyle, whatever. Because the judgment will feel from others. Now that's a really tough one. I mean, you and I are pretty good, but we're probably far from great.

[B]

I'm better than you.

[A]

I don't know, maybe. I don't know.

[B]

I care less about what people think. I care about, you think and I care about my, what my brother thinks and I care about pretty much that's about it.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know, maybe, maybe I.

[B]

Don'T, I don't, I can't. I do care. No, it's not that I don't care. It's sometimes hun is that I can't care because the judgment that's coming in from other people is, can't affect the decisions I'm making and the goals that I'm setting and the commitment that I have to myself and my outcomes and the clients. So when you think about it, it's not that I don't care because I'm a nice person, I'm a good person and I, and I care about and I'm compassionate and I have empathy. But the truth is when it comes to velocity, I can't care about certain things or I'll take it on, put it in the backpack and it'll just Slow me down a hundred percent.

[A]

But I'm saying, in general, we're. We're good. Maybe you think we're great. I don't know if we are.

[B]

No, I'm great. I'm telling. I'm telling you, you're great. I'm really good.

[A]

If I'm great, I think I am, too, for the most part. But I've also observed over the years, and part of this is that, you know, as we. Because we live in a. You know, because we put ourselves out there publicly, whether, you know, primarily through a podcast, but, you know, certainly through the businesses and being on stage and talking to crowds. And there's a. There's a part of it where we're always putting ourselves out there. So we have to. We take responsibility for showing up in a certain way. We're often giving data. There's responsibility for the information that we're providing. We're a source of information.

[B]

Be legitimate and integris.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. But there is a part of it where I don't want to say I don't care. To your point, it's a case of I can't care. But, yeah, I think I don't make decisions, but I do want to be appreciated. I want to be liked. I want to. To think that I'm bringing value, you know, so those things are important to me. And so let's go back to the original thought is what decisions are being made or not being made because of what you think people will think of you from that point of view, I don't think I get stuck.

[B]

You know, what's so interesting about that is that you're right. Like, there's a place in me that I can't care if someone likes me. I used to be that way. I used to be the person that would call my entire address book every Sunday just to touch base and make sure everybody's okay and make plans and all that kind of stuff. And I was. I really worked hard at the. At. At that. And then I realized that I was working harder in some relationships or in business relationships, personal relationships, than the other people were. So I had to back off and then see what happened in the gap. Do they come forward? You know, is there a reciprocation in that? And when I realized there wasn't in some. In many of those relationships, I realized it's not that they didn't like me. And I. I thought, oh, it's not that they don't like me. It's that they have their own lives. They're busy, they've got stuff that's going on. They, you know, they have families, they have things. It's not about me. And when you get even, if somebody says they don't like you, it's not about you, it's about them and the reflection and what it brings up in the individual. Like, honestly, when I got that, that when, when I realized that how people are treating me is more about them, it changed everything for me.

[A]

Of course. But that also goes back to, you know, if, if you look at that relationship as a rowboat and when both people are rowing the boat, it's great. And then in relationally, when somebody quits rowing the boat, eventually you get tired of going around in circles, right? You just go around circles. You keep rowing the boat, going around in circles. And then if you quit rowing, that's it, it's over. So that's always, you know, there's something to be said there in terms of relationship and how do we kind of handle relationship and what's going on when you're the only one rowing the boat or paying attention and saying, you know, that other person has been wrong, I've been guilty of not.

[B]

Yeah, going for the ride.

[A]

Going for the ride. And so then when that person stops her on the boat, it's like, what, crickets? And then you blame them. So.

[B]

Oh, I think we have to do a whole podcast on blame, blame the blame game.

[A]

So what gets in our way of, you know, living? Sometimes we see it, the vision that we have, the aspiration that we truly have. I mean, how many kids, you know, it's like the old, you know, how many kids go to university because that's what their parents want and they don't want the job, and then they go out and they get the job anyways and they hate the job, but they're afraid of what their family's going to think or their friends and their peers are going to think. And then the next thing you know, they wake up, you know, at 55, going, fuck, I hate my life.

[B]

You know what's really funny? I think don't step over that. Do you remember that workshop that we did in Edmonton at the Royal Glenara Club and we had.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Age group range of like, people from going into university to people that were in about to retire. Do you remember that story about the young boy that wanted. That was going into engineering? Can you tell that story?

[A]

Well, yeah, yeah. Well, we had done that workshop. We were talking about values.

[B]

That was a values division. That's right.

[A]

But it's still very applicable in that, you know, in understanding that and having that conversation by the end of it, it was really interesting because his mom had brought the. I think there's brothers, as I recall.

[B]

Yeah, two brothers. Yeah, one was into high school and one was just entering university.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I almost, I almost always tear up when I share the story because it was really, really profound. And that was at the end of the workshop. The young man came up to you and I and said, you know, it's interesting that my dad wants me to be an architect because he was an architect and he wants me to go to university to study architecture. And I realized that's not what I want. I've never wanted that. It's what he wants. And so it was really interesting because when he kind of cleared that with us, got clear on it, got clear on the conversation, and we invited his mother into the conversation and she looked at him and said, you know, son, all we want you to do is be happy.

[B]

I know, right? And then we're like, we're standing there and the mom is like, we had no idea. You, this is not what you wanted. Yeah, we can change this. Don't do this for us. And honestly, it was like this big group hug, family moment that. It still makes me weep.

[A]

Yeah. So they didn't even. And as parents, they didn't even realize what it was they were doing. Now she was sitting through the workshop as well, you know, apart from the kids. So it was really, it was kind of a really interesting moment. Right. And. But that's what happens. And I mean, we've seen that time and time again. So it's not a case of. It's really understanding that where in our life do we, you know, it's the age old case, you know, life is not a dress rehearsal. So we better be really clear what we want to do next. So as we are in this phase of our life and kind of looking at what's going on, I mean, when we consider the past five or six years of all of the changes that have happened, I mean, we've had some huge headwinds, business wise and parents passing away. And like, we've had a lot of stuff going on, like a lot and had to make some very difficult decisions along the way. And so one thing that we've always remained pretty clear on is that we want to do what we love to do. We want to have fun doing it. We want to be, of course, make a difference in people's lives. We want a business that's profitable. And we want a team that's aligned in values so that we're collectively on the same page, so that our team is as happy as we can make them within the environment that they work in. I mean, I've never seen a staff that said, oh, you're paying me too much. I mean, there's never. We're never, ever paying as much as we do our best to compensate our stout staff. Well, I guess it's never enough. So all you can do is create the environment, the culture, the working conditions so that they love to be there. And. So where am I going with that? The point is, doing what you love to do is so important, given how much you have to work. Do you love your job? Is it really supporting you in what you say you want for your vision, for your life? And if the answer is yes, great. But if you're going to work every day, grinding it out, hating it, then it's time to get clear.

[B]

Yeah. It doesn't mean you have to blow your life up.

[A]

No.

[B]

It just means there's a moment where you can step back. I do an exercise, and you remember this one called Permission to Quit?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Such a powerful exercise because it's a visualization about what your life would look like if you were not doing what you're doing right now. And I walk them through where you're at right now, what's working, what's not working. And then we do this visualization, it's a bit dissociative so they. They can put themselves into the future and say, okay, who would I be? How would I show up if I'm not? This such a powerful exercise because so many times we don't give ourselves permission to feel what it would be like because we think everything is absolute. Everything's. If I quit, then this is going to happen. Well, what if we just make it an exercise?

[A]

It.

[B]

What if it's just a visualization? What if it's just a conversation to start, to gain clarity, nothing needs to change? Or what if it's just a conversation to start?

[A]

And some people say, well, I don't know what I want? That's the most common. Then great. Make a list of what you don't want and start and work backwards from there. So as we go forward, you know, we use this ourselves as an example. We're doing the work. We're working through a lot of the stuff that we're working through. We love doing our podcast. We love the direction of putting my shui and mindset matters together and doing Programs like, we know what we want to do going forward, but it takes decisions and keep moving forward one step at a time.

[B]

And you and I process and create so differently that it really can create some disruption and, you know, in our relationship and in. In how we communicate and how we get our needs met. And I was looking at the sign behind you. It says, own your need. And one of the things that I really have always counted on you for, hon, is that you will tell me what you need, because you will own your need. And you don't expect me to read your mind. And sometimes when we bump heads, it's like, oh, my gosh, you thought I could read your mind? And I just. I think I'm good. I'm kind of psychic, but sometimes your head's pretty thick, and I can't read your mind.

[A]

You know, there's a fine line between psychic and psycho. Keep that in mind. And I always. I think shit really loudly, so, you know, I don't know. You just don't listen.

[B]

Yeah, right. I know. Sometimes you have to make the words come out of your mouth or just send me a text. I'm really good on WhatsApp.

[A]

Okay, so where are we going with this? As we wind this down, what do we want to make sure the big takeaway here?

[B]

Oh, I think the biggest thing is, is one step in the direction of clarity doesn't mean you have to blow your life up. It just means there's a maybe some cleanup, maybe some incompletions that have to be completed so that you can work backwards. Go back and just, oh, I need to check in so that I can move forward a little bit of, like, you know, the cha cha. Two step forward, one step back. Two step forward, one step back. Right.

[A]

The big takeaway of all of this is clarity.

[B]

It's not the cha Cha.

[A]

No, it's not the cha cha. That clarity does, in fact, equal velocity. It creates momentum and then into velocity. Clarity equals velocity. But the clarity part of it, as you start to unpack things, does get a little complicated. What's in your way? Are you afraid of judgment? Of friends, family, peers, and so what they will think of you? So you're not doing what you want to do because you're afraid of their judgment. You know, you got to unpack that a little bit. What is that hidden belief that, you know things are going to go sideways or whatever that might be? You're not enough, not smart enough, not rich enough? What's the hidden belief that you might.

[B]

Be operating and then you don't make a choice. You don't make a change, and you don't make a decision, and then you spiral back to the beginning.

[A]

So clarity equals velocity. I don't know that we were really all that clear on this episode. I think we need to call ourselves out on that. That's my fault. But I think we did okay. I think we kind of wove through it and we came out the other side.

[B]

I think so, too. And I don't say call yourself out on it. I think, you know, we're trying our best right now to dig into things that maybe are difficult to talk about, and we want to, in some ways, use ourselves as the example of how we work through things as a team, as a couple, as partners, our business life, our personal life. It's really important that we are as authentic as we can be and telling the truth about where we're at. And today was a tough day. We worked hard, and we ended up cleaning the house and we ended up doing a podcast. And you look super cute in your hat backwards. I wish Everybody was watching YouTube right now, because we just are. For me, clarity is also about authenticity. And the velocity of things that come in my life is when I'm truly being myself. You're being yourself, and people are judging us for being ourselves and not judging, like an avatar of who we're putting out there on, you know, on the podcast. I mean, people can't give you what you need if you're not being authentic.

[A]

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a wrap. Stephanie, thank you.

[B]

Oh, my gosh, that was so fun.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends, as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you, the listener. If you have any comments, suggestions, or questions you'd like answered, please email me at ceoaincanada.com that's C E-O-R E I N canada.com I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time, Patrick goes.