Mindset Matters - Episode #200 - The Whole is Greater Than The Sum of the Parts....Here's Why: Lessons From 200 Episodes of Mindset Matters

Summary

---

The Everyday Millionaire – Mindset Matters #200:

“The Whole is Greater Than the Sum of the Parts....Here's Why”

Lessons from 200 Episodes of Mindset Matters
Host: Patrick Francey
Guest/Co-host: Stephanie Hanlon Francey
Date: August 28, 2025

---

Episode Overview

In this special milestone 200th episode, Patrick Francey and his wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon Francey, reflect on four years of the "Mindset Matters" series. They explore what they've learned from their ongoing conversations about intentional living, the evolution of their podcasting process, and the growth—both personal and relational—that has unfolded one episode at a time. This episode digs deep into the recurring themes they've witnessed, such as clarity, discipline, resistance to change, living authentically, and the role of hidden beliefs. The hosts share memorable lessons, behind-the-scenes stories, and hard-won insights about creating and sustaining transformative habits and relationships.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Meaning of 200 Episodes: Brick by Brick

Patrick ([02:05]) compares each episode to a brick, which, on its own, seems small, but over time constructs something much larger.

• "Each episode has been like a brick. On its own, it might seem small, but brick by brick...something larger has taken shape." ([02:05])
• The accumulated impact is “a way of thinking, a way of being,” founded on their ongoing mantra: “clarity equals velocity”—with momentum as the foundation for achieving goals.

2. Gratitude, Teamwork & Personal Evolution

Stephanie opens with heartfelt gratitude for Patrick, their producer Cheryl, and the supporting team.

• She highlights the natural evolution of their working relationship and credits their ability to challenge each other as the source of their best ideas.
• “That's where, you know, clarity equals velocity came from.” ([06:44])

3. Mindset Matters in a Noisy World

The growth of “mindset” as a trend is observed; both note the proliferation of “mindset experts” and reflect on ways to stay authentic.

• Stephanie:
  • “All I’m seeing is mindset experts and I’m thinking, oh my gosh, I’m such a fraud. And then I listened to our fraud podcast…We’re just a part of the fabric of the conversation to bring these conversations forward and whoever gets it, gets it.” ([07:55])

4. Discipline vs. Habits

Patrick shares a significant realization that discipline matters more than habits, especially over extended periods of personal change.

• “Discipline is far more important than habits, because habits take discipline.” ([13:31])
• Stephanie highlights their differing definitions of “discipline,” rooted in personal history and values.
• “Where I’m disciplined is where my highest values are.” ([14:29])

5. Incremental Change & Identity

Reflecting on the years of podcasting, both recognize personal and relational growth as incremental.

• Patrick:
  • “It’s not the goal or outcome—it’s who you need to become to achieve it.” ([15:24])
  • They stress shifting focus from what to do, to how to be.
• Consistency is praised as a foundational driver of satisfaction, resilience, and progress.

6. Navigating Resistance to Change

Stephanie explores her initial resistance to the podcast and how working unscripted ultimately released her creativity.

• “Change creates discomfort. The discomfort…I responded to with resistance to doing the podcast.” ([16:31])
• Shifting from planned topics to spontaneous conversation reduced her resistance and anxiety.

7. Authenticity and Being Willing to Be Misunderstood

Stephanie shares a major lesson: the willingness to be misunderstood is critical to living authentically.

• “Am I willing to be misunderstood in the context of my life?” ([22:59])
• She describes the importance of being true to herself, even when others don’t understand, and learning to say “no” without guilt.
• Helpful insight for people-pleasers: Sometimes you must move forward without needing everyone’s understanding or approval.

8. The Reality of Evolving Relationships

The hosts reflect on the ebb and flow of friendships and life chapters.

• Patrick:
  • “We want relationships and good friendships to last a lifetime. The reality is they most often don’t… People grow and they change.” ([26:40])
• Stephanie references her mother’s wisdom:
  • “People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” ([29:11])

9. Exploring Hidden Beliefs

An enduring lesson: hidden beliefs are powerful drivers that often hold people back.

• Patrick:
  • “When you consider that if you’re not getting the outcomes [you want], you have to…ask yourself, what am I operating on top of? What is the BS that I have?... Hidden beliefs really shape or impact our outcomes.” ([30:44])
• Stephanie reflects on humility and worthiness as camouflaged beliefs.
• Both emphasize the importance of recognizing these beliefs to break free and move forward.

10. Legacy, Consistency, and “Pushing the Cart”

The episode concludes with appreciation for the journey, the value in consistency over certainty, and the importance of continuing the work for its own sake:

• Stephanie:
  • “You got to be willing to push the cart up the hill and not be attached whether it moves or not. I think that’s what I love about this podcast.” ([36:12])
• For both, the true value lies in their ongoing, honest conversation and commitment to growth—more than in any measured “results.”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.” (Patrick, [02:03])
• “Clarity equals velocity. The clearer we are, the faster we’re going to make a difference in the world.” (Stephanie, [06:44])
• “Habits change. It takes discipline. And to me, that’s a lesson.” (Patrick, [14:16])
• “Where I’m disciplined is where my highest values are.” (Stephanie, [14:29])
• “You got to be that to get there. So… our identity drives our behavior and we have to be very aware of what identity it takes.” (Patrick, [15:24])
• “Change creates discomfort. The discomfort…I responded to with resistance.” (Stephanie, [16:31])
• “I can just be myself. And that’s another thing I really learned in this process.” (Stephanie, [21:30])
• “Am I willing to be misunderstood in the context of my life?” (Stephanie, [22:59])
• “People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” (Stephanie, [29:11])
• “Hidden beliefs are hidden for a reason.” (Patrick, [30:22])
• “I thought that by being humble or playing myself down…that’s the same thing. It’s a not worthy thing. Instead of stepping up…” (Stephanie, [33:20])
• “We’re doing it as much for us as for other people…figure out that we can keep pushing the cart…have conversations, be courageous, and not be attached to the result.” (Stephanie, [36:12])

---

Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:03] – Patrick’s reflection on reaching 200 episodes and the analogy of bricks/building.
• [05:49] – Stephanie expresses gratitude for the journey, Patrick, and the team.
• [07:55] – Stephanie on “everybody’s a mindset expert” and their authentic positioning.
• [11:31] – Evolution of information overload and the need for mental discipline.
• [13:31] – Discipline vs. habits; Patrick’s insight.
• [15:24] – The role of identity and incremental change in reaching goals.
• [16:31] – Stephanie deconstructs her resistance to change and initial challenges.
• [22:59] – Willingness to be misunderstood and its impact on authenticity.
• [29:11] – People entering and leaving your life: “reason, season, or lifetime.”
• [30:44] – The impact of hidden beliefs on outcomes.
• [36:12] – Stephanie’s metaphor of “pushing the cart up the hill.”

---

Flow & Tone

The conversation is candid, warm, and unscripted, with playful exchanges, deep reflection, and a supportive dynamic. The hosts vulnerably discuss their own struggles and revelations, offering reassurance that “becoming your greatest self” is less about perfection and more about continuous, intentional practice—together.

---

In sum:
This celebratory episode serves as both a reflection on four years of learning and an inspiring invitation for listeners to embrace consistency, curiosity, discipline, and authenticity as the truest path to personal transformation.

Transcript

[Tania]

Experience Italy with friends with me, Tania e Comeide. Join us on our travel and lifestyle podcast as we explore Italy's most beloved destinations and uncover hidden gems.

[Comeide]

Moving to Italy has been a dream come true and now we get to share real time updates from our life. Here, our latest adventures, everyday stories and practical travel tips.

[Tania]

Together we'll dive into the traditions, flavors and cultural treasures that make this country so remarkable.

[Comeide]

Whether you're planning your next travel experience or just dreaming of La Dolce Vita, we'll bring Italy to you one story at a time.

[Tania]

Experience Italy with friends.

[Comeide]

Your podcast to La Dolce Vita.

[Patrick]

Hi there and welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon. Francie. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in, enjoy. Hey there and welcome to Mindset Matters, where we explore the thoughts that shape our lives and how to clear the ones that don't. Here is where we're going to step into the practice of mind shui. Feng shui for the mind. It's not just about positive thinking, it's about purposeful thinking. And the mind shui way helps you clear the mental clutter, uncover hidden beliefs and realign with your truth so that you can live with clarity, energy and purpose in all areas of life. Stephanie.

[Stephanie]

Hi hon. Excited.

[Patrick]

Here we go. Now, today marks a milestone for us. It is episode number 200, which means that for the past four years, every single week, without fail, we've shown up here on this show. Now, we've had a couple of travel days where we did a throwback, but mostly they were all brand new episodes. So I've been giving it some thought and what showed up for me is that in many ways, you know, each episode has been like, I'm going to say, like a brick. On its own, it might seem small, like incremental, but literally, brick by brick. And over the many weeks, something larger has taken shape. And in this case, it's the show, it's our thought process, it's how we've grown, it's the Feedback that we've got from listeners. And it occurred to me that we can look at it and say, you know, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. I think most are familiar with that quote. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Each episode on its own was great, but when you look at it in its entirety, it's become far more than just the episodes. It's become a way of thinking, a way of being for us, a thought process that opened up and expanded on our kind of mantra, if you will, that clarity equals velocity. And that velocity starts with building momentum. And that's kind of what we've done over the past four years. So. So it's kind of an opening to it. And I'd like to, you know, think about what we've learned or observed over the past four years, given that we launched this. Must have been 2021. Holy cow.

[Stephanie]

I think so. Late 2020. Early 2021. Yeah. For it to be 52 weeks in a year. A little bit of time off for good behavior.

[Patrick]

Yeah, a little time off for good behavior. So the point is, is that we went through a lot of learning, a lot of growth through that period of time, you know, given what was happening in the world. Much of the observation of what continues to happen in the world, both the shift from one extreme to now, seemingly shifting back to center a little bit, maybe. And you know, what I really like about our own evolution is listeners that have told us that any given episode has really had an impact on them. And also interesting for me, anyways, is that a lot of the feedback I got was in person, like, one on one, as I spoke at events and were, you know, hanging out with, you know, large groups of people. And of course, I would present based on the Everyday Millionaire or connect the dots, and often had people come up to me go, hey, listen. I listen to you guys, and it's really good, and I really enjoy it. And so it's really good feedback. So for me, I think that this milestone, it's a. I think it might feel like a little bit of a fork in the road. You know, those 200 episodes that we did really took us on a path and a journey out of it. You know, think about that. Clarity equals velocity. Mind shui. And the mind shui way, the everyday success, the things that we developed and kind of understood, have come to understand about what we want to do and how we want to move forward in our own journey. So I'll kind of stop there. I wanted to give you a little Bit of context that you could get into. You know, maybe we start with what was some of your biggest learnings, do you think?

[Stephanie]

Well, you know, just to step one, one milestone back is to start for me with gratitude. Like, so much gratitude for you, hun, and your ability to tolerate me and put up with my. Play the guitar. And you're the writer, the director, the tech guy, and you come up with the ideas and then eventually you say, okay, I'm not going to tell you what we're going to do. I'm just going to throw you the thing and you're going to respond. And you know that evolution and how much I respect and love you for that. And then to Cheryl, you know, so much gratitude for her nudging and pushing and supporting and clapping and criticizing and giving me my podcast mug. And she made this, by the way.

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah, It's a nice mug. Nice mug.

[Stephanie]

Think about the Rain team.

[Patrick]

You know, Jazz and like, Jamie, Jazz, Jasper, Jamie, Jazz. Oh, yeah, no, there's a whole team. All the J's, all the J's.

[Stephanie]

Right? Like, the team that puts us together. And what we get to do is have a conversation with each other and challenge and poke at each other and. And prod and see how we can bring out the best in each other. And I think that's how a lot of our next level stuff, that's where, you know, clarity equals velocity came from. That's like, the clearer we are, the faster we're going to make a difference in the world, like, to move through things. And then that link to mind Shui and our time in Sedona with JB and Peter, it really elevated that for us to jump the chasm from who we are to who we want to be and to really not be afraid of that gap and really just take what's here and move it forward into the. Into the world. And I think that's what our gift is. And one of the things I've learned is that it doesn't matter. I mean, I'm a little bit overwhelmed by all the mindset stuff on Instagram and Facebook and LinkedIn and everybody's a mindset expert. And when we started this, and we call it mindset matters, is because we felt that mindset matters. We felt like the mindset about money mattered and the fine mindset about relationship mattered, the mindset about business mattered, and the mindset about, you know, spirituality matters. Like, we were just coming from that standpoint, and then all of a sudden I'm noticing it's like the. You Know the lime green Volkswagen Bug, like you want to buy one and the next thing you know, all you see is lime green Volkswagen bugs everywhere. But now all I'm seeing is mindset experts and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I'm such a fraud. And then I listened to our fraud podcast today. I'm like, oh my gosh, I guess not frauds. We're just a part of the fabric of the conversation to bring these conversations forward and whoever gets it, gets it. Whoever wants to come and play with us, they can come and play.

[Patrick]

Well, you know, I think interestingly enough is that we've learned a lot about ourselves and each other and it's taken some time to get into a groove. Certainly early on I was interrupting you over speaking, over talking with you. I still talk too much. But having said that, we've had to learn how to dance in this world called the podcast. We're now next step, next level is we're going to be doing in studio. You know, I'm in the process of setting up the studio and cameras and all the things that go with it. We're going to, you know, continue to take it up. We're launching and doing the pre launch of Mind Shui, that program that we're going to launch, the newsletter that's going to be coming out for those who have subscribed. The newsletter is called Lyft and it's really short, sweet podcast. Points to ponder, things to consider and actually a little action step for you to take in each insight that.

[Stephanie]

How do I sign up for that?

[Patrick]

Go to the website Everyday Millionaire ca hit the subscribe. That's it.

[Stephanie]

Okay. So just by doing that. So I'm not subscribed. I should probably subscribe.

[Patrick]

You should probably subscribe to see what we're doing and you'll really know what's going on. So what are some of the things that you've learned along the way? You know, I've observed the world. I think we both have really been challenged to observe the polarity and the divisiveness and the words like misinformation and disinformation and the politics and the global disarray, if you will. I don't even know if that's a right way to say it but the, you know, many people's reactions to certain things. So that's been interesting to observe the mentality of the masses. I'm going to share something with you. So we were, I was at mom's memorial. You know, the family got together. You weren't able to attend. That's all. But that's not the. That's not what I'm talking about. The point is, is that I was hanging out with nieces and nephews, and one of our nieces is actually. She does a ton of research and her world of research. You know, she made it really clear that when we get into these conversations and the divisiveness of, you know, that's a conspiracy theory. That's not a conspiracy theory. The misinformation, disinformation. She has her views, but basically she said, you can make research these days support whatever argument you have, whatever view of the world you want to have. It can be. It can be supported in your research. So what does that got to do with mindset matters? What I think it has to do with is the reality that we really do have to step back, be kind of clear on the one new thing. Believe nothing you see and only half of what you hear, at best. So these are all things to say that we are being inundated with information. Podcasts, videos, x, Facebook, whatever, other social.

[Stephanie]

Now AI. Think about AI.

[Patrick]

AI. I mean, it's so crazy, the evolution of AI. And so it does take a very strong mental discipline to not be drawn into the dramas, the hype, the anger, the intensity, the extremeness of what seems to be going on in the world. And I think over the past four years that we've been doing this, I've watched and observed my own journey where I started four years ago. It really is incremental. So as much as we. And as I've committed to the changes of how I want to occur and how I want to show up, I had a really interesting conversation with a guest on the Everyday Millionaire podcast yesterday who was talking about presence. Now he's a former NBA player and now he's a coach business guy. He's talking about presence. And what does it really mean to have presence, which has got nothing to do with how smart you are. It is really an energetic way of showing up. It is your energy, your aura is how he described it. So I'm using all of that to say that as I've observed my own journey in reflection, where I was four years ago, who I was four years ago, arguably is different than who I am four years later by intentionality, by design, if you will. And is it perfect? No. The other thing, I think you're perfect. Thanks, sweetheart. I think is that one of the things that I've learned and that I believe now, as we talked about this, is discipline is far More important than habits, because ultimately habits also take discipline because there's very few habits that I think we have really that.

[Tania]

Experience Italy with friends with me, Tanya Eco Me. Join us on our travel and lifestyle podcast as we explore Italy's most beloved destinations and uncover hidden gems.

[Comeide]

Moving to Italy has been a dream come true, and now we get to share real time updates from our life. Here, our latest adventures, everyday stories, and practical travel tips.

[Tania]

Together, we'll dive into the traditions, flavors, and cultural treasures that make this country so remarkable.

[Comeide]

Whether you're planning your next travel experience or just dreaming of La Dolce Vita, we'll bring Italy to you one story at a time.

[Tania]

Experience Italy with friends.

[Comeide]

Your podcast to La Dolce Vita.

[Patrick]

Were not aware of. You know, they say habits are those things that you do without thought kind of thing, but habits change. It takes discipline. And to me, that's a lesson. I think discipline is more important than habits.

[Stephanie]

That's unpack. Wait, wait a sec. Like, I get that. And I think that's one of the lessons I learned too. But I also learned that we had different definitions of words like that, like discipline. For me, like being an athlete and being a coach, being, you know, regimented and being committed to routine and all those kinds of things can also be interpreted, which I don't. But also discipline in some families is about being reprimanded or being told you're doing something wrong. So I think what I've learned too, is that you and I, as much as we've done the work together and we're on the journey together, we also have different definitions of different things. And I think discipline is one of them. Know where I'm disciplined is where my highest values are. I'm not disciplined when I'm not in my highest values. Right. So those shift. And as my values evolve and grow, I see where my discipline lives. And I think that's one of the things that, that I've really learned this on this journey so far.

[Patrick]

Yeah. What else have you learned? I'm going to use, because we believe this, is that when we talk about it's not the goal or it's not the outcome, it's who you need to become to achieve the outcome. That one's a big one. And I really think that so many don't understand that fundamental. They think that when I get there, I'll be that. No, you got to be that to get there. So that's all to say that our identity drives our behavior and we have to be very aware of what identity it takes if you will. Who do you need to become to drive the outcome, which requires certain behaviors, a certain way of being? So I think that's another thing that's really started to show up for me, and especially, you know, four years later, which is the other lesson I got. It's all incremental. It's all one step at a time. You start the journey. It's like two steps forward, three steps back, five steps forward, two steps back, back. You know, it's that. So what's your thoughts on that?

[Stephanie]

Well, just to. To your point, you know, I was going to say something else, but then all of a sudden you go, you know, you started the cha cha. Two steps forward, one step back. And, you know, of course I love to dance, but the truth is that by changing or setting this up, what I really noticed about myself is how resistant I became at the beginning. Like, I love doing it. I love talking. I love being on camera. You know, I love, you know, but we didn't have anything else, a lot going on. I mean, a couple of our businesses blew up, and, you know, we just kept chugging away at this conversation. Sometimes just Sundays after dinner, we'd go and you'd set me up in my crazy office and. And then you'd go to your office and we'd have these conversations. And half the time they weren't. They weren't planned. They're certainly not scripted. And I realized that what my resistance was and how I. Because it was a change, it was different. I don't want to have to do it. I don't want to have to put hair and makeup on on Sunday after dinner or whatever, and I was like, what is that resistance about? And now what I look, when I look back at different things in my career or in our businesses or in family or in relationships, is that change creates discomfort. And the discomfort that I was experiencing, I responded to with resistance to doing the podcast. And I remember through the first couple, maybe the first year or so, just how tough it was for us to prepare. And I see now it was my resistance. It was my resistance to commit. It was my resistance to. To following through. And I loved it. It's not like I didn't want to do it, but I had to bump in to my resistance. And I really have embraced that over the last little while and checking in and noticing what I'm resisting and not have to get all, you know, deep and why about it, but just honoring it and saying, you know, what is it? What do I need to get underneath? What do I need to climb on top of, what am I resisting? And it got better, which is interesting. When you started not telling me what our topic was going to be, I stopped being resistant because I thought I could be more responsive and reactive and creative and intuitive. And I think before, when we were trying to come up with a title or a theme or a theory, like something we were going to talk about, I felt insecure. I felt like I don't have. I'm not an expert in that area. I don't know what to talk about, and I don't know if it came across that way, but I just feel like way less resistance when you don't tell me what our topic is. And I think that's a big lesson for me as an intuitive and as a somebody who likes to be reactive and be present in the moment.

[Patrick]

Interesting. Yeah, I. I get that. I actually. That makes total sense for you. Like, I. I really understand how that shows up for you, and we're different.

[Stephanie]

In that regard, and that's what I love about us. And I think that's. Hopefully that shines through in this podcast, is that, you know, we're 35 years in, 30 years married. Coming up, four years into the podcast, and I look at these milestones, and I go, you know what? I wouldn't have noticed when I look how great I Look, that I'm 30 years into a marriage. Like, what the hell? I didn't even think I'd ever get married, you know, so one step at a time.

[Patrick]

One step, one step at a time. Right?

[Stephanie]

Right. How you eat an element one bite at a time. Right? Like. But all. And then waking up to the fact that, you know, just setting a powerful intention about living and being on purpose and having the life that I want. And I remember back in the day with Mike and Andrea, and what they taught us is that, how do you want your life to feel? Not what do you want to do, but how do you want your life to feel? And through this podcast experience, it's like, how do I want to feel? When I'm done the podcast, I want to be able to say, that was fun. I didn't even know I was saying that until Cheryl pointed it out, and she's like, do you say that on purpose? And I'm like, say what on purpose?

[Patrick]

Say what?

[Stephanie]

Say what? I had no idea. But all I knew was that as we were doing it and we were discovering our conversations, especially at the beginning, you know, I was pretty vocal about how I felt about the pandemic and how I felt about the government in overreach and all the things that were going on and how people were being manipulated and the divisiveness that was happening in families, and I was heartbroken. And I think that showed at the beginning. But as we evolved and we kept consistently doing this podcast, I started to realize is that what we could do is be consistent. We can't control what the news media is doing. We can't control what the social media is doing. We can't control what people around us are doing. They're going to quit, they're going to leave our lives, or some new people are going to come into our lives. We can't control that. But what this podcast taught me is that if we just be consistent in who we're being and have conversations and be curious and put things out there for people to ponder and not be experts in anything, you know, we're not telling the news here. We're just having a conversation between a husband and a wife, couple of besties. Right. And maybe that will inspire people to look at themselves that way and see, you know, I don't have to be an expert. I don't have to have an opinion. I don't have to be aggressive in what my thought processes are. I can just be myself. And that's another thing I really learned in this process.

[Patrick]

Yeah, I. I like that a lot. I want to. I want to just go back to something you said, though, about change and your resistance. Change. And, you know, one of the things that I've certainly learned and I. And I know you have. You may not phrase it this way, but we've become far more resilient. And, you know, there is a phrase, or I think there's a. Whatever. It's like resilience is forged in change.

[Stephanie]

True.

[Patrick]

And as we've been going through our learning and as we weekly do these podcasts, you know, I'm also doing a lot of research. You're doing research. We're also, you know, working with clients. We're working with people. So you, and especially you in what you do, I mean, there isn't a week or a day goes by where you're not having these kind of conversations with individuals. But for us, as we've done this podcast, we're on our own journey. We're learning and uncovering and understanding ourselves better and really bringing it. And that's part of our own journey. So we've learned a lot. And so as much as change is sometimes difficult, it's always in reflection, hindsight. We're geniuses. And in this case, the hindsight that I have is how much we've learned, how much we've changed, how much we've taken the lessons that we're sharing and we're integrating them, and we do integrate them into our own life, our own way of being, if you will. Yeah, that's what I want to say about that. What else have you learned?

[Stephanie]

Well, I had a great conversation this morning with Marnie, and Marnie does your, I think, your notes for Everyday Millionaire. And she's been a really good friend of ours for many, many years. And she reached out today and we were talking about, are we willing? Am I willing to be misunderstood in the context of my life? And she asked me to unpack that statement because I've had that over the years where people say, what do you mean by that? What do you mean you're willing to be misunderstood in the context of your life? And this really gave me an opportunity today to realize and realize how much I've had to be willing to be misunderstood. Because when I put myself out there and I am fully present and I'm in my intuitive self and I'm in my creative zone, et cetera, I do have this kind of weird aura and this thing that, that people have a hard time kind of glomming onto, it's like, who are you? What. What do you mean by that? And sometimes I, you have to translate for me. And, you know, step isms aren't always the most understandable way of speaking. So you'll say sometimes. Well, what Stephanie means is, and I had to be a couple of years, like however many years ago was to be willing to be misunderstood because there were times when I would say things and they didn't come true or make sense for a year or two years or five years later. But I knew what I was saying and sometimes I couldn't get it out there. The next part of that was, how do we say no and still be loved and respected? How do we set a barrier and go, okay, I'm going to say no and then be understood in the fact that, you know what, it's just not right right now for me or whatever, instead of going into these stories and excuses, etc. So the willingness to be understood and the willingness to say yes when you want to say yes and know when you want to say no and then not be attached to how the person receives and perceives that is a huge lesson for me these last four years. Because I know that I say things or do things that always don't land for people. And sometimes I say yes when I mean yes, and sometimes I say yes when I mean no. And then I have to deal with the consequences of that. So as I navigate the willingness to be understood piece is that if I just say yes and then I show up and the, the version of me that wants to be fully present in the yes can have fun and participate and all that kind of thing. But if I say yes and I really mean no, the version of me is like I'm, I don't really want to go. I'm gonna be super when I get there and da da, da. And I don't really go and I'm gonna go because I'm gonna do it for that person. And then I'm bitchy and I'm not having a good time. So the self fulfilling prophecy happens. So being willing to say what's true for me in the moment, even if somebody doesn't fully understand and I'm okay with that, allows me to really plant my, plant my flag or set my line of demarcation and be okay. It's not that I don't care about how people feel if I say no, it's just that I can't care and if they don't understand why I can't care because the, the time or the space or the effort that it takes to explain won't make it diff. Won't make a difference anyway. And when one of the, the lines I use with the athletes a lot when people are trying to explain and you know, ice dance, for example, is a performance sport and it's a judge sport and there's a lot of people pleasers in a judge sport. Like we want to be, please, we want to be pleasing in how we look and how we act and how we show up and the line I use with them. And I really got it this, these last couple of years, you know, as we work through the podcast, it's like, it's not like I don't care what people think when they hear us and talk about the conversations we're have. It's. I can't care because this is aligning with my values. This is who I am. And I have to be willing to be misunderstood.

[Patrick]

Well, yeah, and that's the whole point of the question. Are you willing to be misunderstood in the context of your life? Because as you grow and expand and take on different, I don't want to say different identities, but as you evolve as a human and as you evolve as a person who's intentionally Recreating or creating a new context for your life. There are going to be people that are going, hey, what are you doing that you didn't used to be that way? So you're going to have the peer pressure going, what are you doing going on this journey? What is this whole personal development stuff that you've got going on? And self discovery, what the hell? Like, let's just, you know, go and do what we always do. And so many are not willing to be misunderstood. They wish they were willing to be misunderstood or they actually wish that they didn't have to go through the discomfort of having to explain the decisions or explain the journey that they're on. And so we see that all the time. And that's not an easy journey for anybody. And certainly over the years, you and I have had to remind ourselves that if we're going to be, if we're committed to change, if we're committing to be the best version of ourselves, then we are going to be misunderstood. There are going to be friends, family, peers that don't get us, which leads us to the next kind of realization that I've most recently had. And in reflection of relationships that we've had over the years, good friends that have been really great friends. And then it just kind of dissipates. And I don't know who I was listening to. And the fundamental understanding or the comment was, is that we want relationships and good friendships to last a lifetime. The reality is they often, and most often don't. They may last 20 years, they may last 10 years, they may last 25 years. But ultimately what most often happens is people grow and they change and they shift and life happens. And it's not that the relationship is of less value, it just doesn't align like it used to. So we've noticed that in that how many people have come into our lives and some of those people have kind of faded away. It wasn't like we burned a bridge or there wasn't any, you know, discourse. It was just, we drift apart. We just drift apart. So those are kind of interesting lessons as well.

[Stephanie]

Well, I think too, to your point around that. And you know, whether it's you and me or Char or my girlfriends, Kassera or Sue, all the history and the people that we've grown through. And my mom always used to say, people come into our lives to teach us a lesson, right? Whether it's a reason, a season or a lifetime. A reason, a season or a lifetime. And sometimes it's just for a reason, for a lesson and then we glom onto it or hang on to it and want more. We want to squeeze more life out of that. And it really is just about that reason. It was about whatever that lesson was. Right. On a season meaning maybe it's just something. Maybe it's a, like a love, a love affair or something that, that happens and it has a natural ending because you really don't have enough in common or in our case, it's a lifetime. I mean, you can't get rid of me that easy. Right? So a reason a season or a lifetime. And I think if we can step back in our lives and in our relationships and see the people that have come into our lives and have had to leave for whatever reason and not be so devastated because they've had to leave for their own reasons and be okay and let them go with love and with grace, I think that to me is a real testament to, to doing this kind of work.

[Patrick]

Mm. Yeah. Okay, let's, let's go on. What else have you learned? One of the things that I've learned and is that as much as we are really in it, hidden beliefs are hidden beliefs and they're hidden deep. They're for. They're hidden beliefs for everybody for a reason.

[Stephanie]

They're hidden.

[Patrick]

And when we're, when we're trying to grow and we're trying to expand and we use the, you know, that kind of term, the best version of ourselves, that's an ever ending, it's a lifelong journey. And when you consider that if you're not getting the outcomes, you have to sometimes investigate and ask yourself, you know, what, what am I operating on top of? What is the BS that I have? What are the hidden beliefs that I have? And when you start to identify that hidden beliefs really shape or impact our outcomes or the lack thereof, whatever they may be, and that we always have to be kind of open and paying attention to that if we're feeling stuck or things that are in our way. And you know, as I've talked about the hidden beliefs from stage and when I presented mine shui and the thought process and the 12 hidden beliefs that are keeping people stuck, for example, it's always interesting the number of people that come up afterwards, you know, after I've done a talk and go that, that one hidden belief that you're talking about right there, that really landed for me and many of them are even teary eyed, have been teary eyed in that explanation, that realization. And it's not that it was a realization as much as it Was, I have to admit it, I have to quit lying to myself that I am operating on top of that. It was like you discovering the not worthy component of it or my discovering the, you know, I'm not enough yet. You know, at this point in my life, there's still a part of me that can go into that I'm not enough, you know, smart enough, rich enough, you know, good looking enough, whatever. You know, there's always a not enough that I have to pay attention to and so that I don't go down that goofy rabbit hole that keeps me stuck. So anything you want to add to that?

[Stephanie]

Well, and the hidden beliefs thing is, I think really important. I just had a thought, is that, you know, with 12 hidden beliefs, I think we could do a program on one month per belief. We all have them all. And that could be a program unto itself. Right. Like just getting underneath it and looking at it and seeing the consequences. You know, to your point, my not worthy hidden belief, which is so crazy because I thought I busted that one a hundred years ago at Hoffman or whatever. Right. But I realized that it wasn't even that it's I'm not worthy, it's that I also hid it under this belief system that being humble was also quite valiant.

[Patrick]

Sure. Yeah.

[Stephanie]

Right. And, and I, I thought that by being humble or playing myself down and I have a little bit of self deprecating humor, but you know, really being humble, not owning the stuff, but at that, that's the same thing. It's a not worthy thing. Instead of stepping up because I want people to think I'm, you know, think I'm too big for my britches and all this kind of stuff because I go back and to those conversations, so the discomfort and the change of sitting in, you know, keeping the award over my left shoulder so they have to look at it every day and go, oh, so that's an external validation, maybe I am worthy. Right. And people just laugh when I realize that. But I always see the brilliance in everybody else. And I think that's part of what I learned over the last four years too, is that you can see the brilliance in other people. But if they're not in request or if they're not ready to uncover their own hidden beliefs, then there's nothing that's.

[Patrick]

Such a big one. Right. And the number of times, you know, and I, and I've certainly learned much better over the years to just be quiet. Yeah. You know, you can see it. You can plant a couple seeds, see if they kind of, you know, that person picks up on it and goes, what do you mean? Or, that's interesting. Sometimes, no, they. They don't even want to hear it because it would mean that they have to make a change, that they have to show up differently, do up, do something differently. They can't own that gift that they have. They don't see it. It's so interesting. I've certainly been guilty of that myself many times over the years.

[Stephanie]

Not you.

[Patrick]

I wouldn't know that unless you told me.

[Stephanie]

So I tried for years and years and years. I gave up, finally.

[Patrick]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So as we wind things down, you know, one of the reflections I've had about the show is that it is a journey, and it has been kind of brick by brick, and the sum of the parts is, in fact, greater than the whole. And when you look at the impact or when I look at the impact or the whole is greater than the sum of the parts, I've lost the phrase. You know what I mean? I do. So, anyways, I think that's really what the show has been about. I'm looking forward to what's next as we roll into the back half of 2025 and getting the studio set up and having some fun with that.

[Stephanie]

And wearing pants. We're gonna have to wear pants. I've been wearing shorts this whole time.

[Patrick]

Yeah. Well, now what are you gonna do? Now what are you gonna do? Yeah. Of course, for men, it's far easier than getting camera ready than it is for women, but I'll leave that to you because that's what you do. So that's all I got. So thanks.

[Stephanie]

Well, I think for me to wrap it up is one of the sayings that my brother Michael says all the time is you got to be willing to push the cart up the hill and not be attached whether it moves or not. And I think that's what I love about this podcast is I've been. When I kind of flipped the switch and realized I just. I want to have conversations with you. I just want to. I want to unpack things. I want to discuss, and I want to, you know, use this platform and maybe, just maybe, but we can't be certain that anybody gets anything out of it. So we're doing it as much as we're doing it for us, for other people. I think, selfishly, I'm doing it for us to figure out, you know, that we can keep pushing the cart, have conversations, be courageous, and not be attached to the result.

[Patrick]

Wise words right there. Thank you, my dear.

[Stephanie]

Thanks, son. That was fun.

[Patrick]

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you, the listener. If you have any comments, suggestions or questions you'd like answered, please email [e-mail] that's ceorincanada.com I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time. Patrick oh.