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The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
Mindset Matters - Episode #206 - The Five Brutal Truths About Your Mind: What Psychology Reveals
00:37:39
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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. Welcome to this episode of the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters podcast, where I'm joined by my wife, Olympic mental performance coach Stephanie Hanlon. Francie. In these episodes, Stephanie and I have a conversation about the different aspects of what we refer to as Mindset Matters because we believe that for those who are awake, we are living in and through the most impactful time in history. Your view of the world is the filter for how you will experience the evolution and changing dynamics of it. Our intention is to provide you with ideas, nutritious food for thought, and some tools that you can use to help you in being your greatest self and living your best life. Listen in, enjoy. Hey there, and welcome to the Everyday Millionaire Mindset Matters. Stephanie.
- [00:57]
B
Hey, honey.
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A
Okay, so we're gonna have some fun. So I titled this, and we'll work backwards from it, but I put a title as the Five Brutal Truths of Psychology and the Stories We Tell Ourselves.
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B
Good one.
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A
Good one. Hey. Okay, so here's what I did. And this wasn't my idea, but I got the idea from somewhere else, and then I just kind of played with it. And what I did was I prompted ChatGPT, and I said, okay, you've read every psychology study and every psychological chat. And then I asked it, what is the most brutal truths in psychology? I wanted the five brutal truths. You know, what are the five things that everyone should understand about their own psychology or perhaps risk failing?
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B
Good question.
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A
Okay, so here's what we know. And you know, this. You know, every human mind is, you know, creative or it's pragmatic. And the challenges that we face is it occasionally gives meaning over what is reality. You know, we have our own way and our own view of the world. We invent stories that either protect us or break us down. And, you know, our mind has a tendency to want to move into some space of comfort. So I was playing with this and thought, you know, what are the five truths? I came. I started with, like, a seven, I think, but anyways, you ready? I'm going to go. What I'm going to do is. Here's. Here's what I'll do. I'll go. I'll list the five, and then we'll go through each one. How's that sound?
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B
Okay, well, hit me. This is all new. I just got off an airplane, so.
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A
Okay, well, this isn't too deep. It's deep, but I. Okay, here we go.
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B
Here we go.
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A
Your brain lies to you.
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B
Yes, it does.
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A
Okay. What you avoid. This is so good. What you avoid controls you. Ooh.
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B
Good one.
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A
This one you're familiar with. You are what you repeatedly do. Number four, you are emotional by design. And the fifth is regulation is mastery.
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B
Love it.
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A
It's a good one, right? Especially when we think about the term self mastery.
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B
Yeah, Love that term.
- [03:20]
A
Because that's really what mindset matters. That's what mind shui and the mind shui way is all about. So your brain lies. Let's start there. Anything you want to comment on, Your brain lies to you. So my thought is that when I wrote an example, do you remember when you maybe went to whatever exhibition, fall fair, whatever they used to call not fall fair, but fairs, they had those funhouse mirrors.
- [03:47]
B
Yep.
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A
So we don't see life as it is, we see it as we are. And our kind of mind bends reality. It does that through biases, our ego, you know, our emotion, old wounds, old trauma. And it's kind of like the mirror in the funhouse. It distorts what we're seeing. You know, it gives us a funny reflection of what the truth is, what reality is. What's your thoughts on that?
- [04:17]
B
Well, I think the distinction too is that our mind is not our brain and our brain is not our mind. You know, our brain is a muscle. You know, it has neuroplasticity. It has the ability to. To mold and grow and learn and change and stretch, but we lock it in because we think that the thoughts we think actually are real. So my mom always said, don't believe everything you think. Right. Because all of our thoughts are coming from not just ourselves, but they're also coming from our influences, from our external scenarios, from the environment, from opinions, from the television. Television. Every time you watch television, it's telling you what your vision is. So, you know, we're being influenced from the outside. So our brain is not our mind and our mind is not our brain. And when I say that a lot of times when I say to people, your. Your feelings lie and your thoughts aren't always true. So don't believe everything you think and don't believe everything you feel. And that's why I don't want to skip to the end. But number five is to me, the most important is this links back to number one in terms of understanding yourself well enough to self regulate.
- [05:26]
A
To self regulate. But what do you do? So here's the thing about it. If you go into, you know, we, in this case, I gave the funhouse mirror thing where we look in the mirrors and we're going, everything's a little distorted. We're not sure what's real? Which, you know, are we going right? If we're going to run into the glass or the mirror, if we do that, like, it really kind of messes with you. So what do we do in these cases? That becomes a question. You know, if we're constantly questioning what we're thinking, how do we bust through that? How do we know what's real? Any kind of tips? Because when you're working with your athletes or your clients, I mean, this is something that comes up, you've talked about it with them. How do we bust through it?
- [06:06]
B
I think the biggest thing is understanding that there is a moment where you need to pause and your perception is not always reality. And our perspective and our perception is something that we've talked about over the last couple of years in our podcast, is that it's really our how we're viewing the world, and then we're filtering it through our, you know, our values or our. Our political leanings or our religious beliefs. And until we can identify what those are, you know, we think about our driving values, our core values. What did we call. What did you call them the other day? Our master values?
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A
No, meta values.
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B
Meta values. Really working through some of that for our mind Shui Way course coming up is that when we see that and help people understand that they're operating truly unconsciously or even subconsciously through their values, and that's what's driving them. So if we really want to know what our truth is and what's going on in our lives, we have to look at the representation of our actions and what's real in our life. If you want clues onto what your life is like and who you are and how you feel, take a look around you. Look at your room. Look at what's on the wall. Look what. Look what's around. Look who you have in your life. If you are looking at and needing proof or you're needing feedback, look at your life. Tell the truth, slow down. And then that's when we can actually glean what it is that's really going on and what's real and what's not real. Hence the term, the story that you're telling yourself.
- [07:35]
A
But having said that, you have to have come along. You have to have come to a point in your life where you actually have the awareness that you may be, you know, your perspective may not be what is real. Like, your perspective is your perspective. But when you see, you know, what's the clue? That's what I'm trying to get to is like, when you really think about what is the clue. So first off, you have to question and go, am I really believing this? And this is where it comes up. You and I have had these conversations before where somebody reaches out, they say something, they act, or they behave a certain way.
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B
They.
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A
And you take it personally. Like, we. And I say you. I don't mean you specifically, but we've had these conversations where we take something like, that's weird that they would say that, but if you slow down, flip it a little bit and go stand in their shoes, all of a sudden you have a different perspective. And then you realize what they were actually saying was not even a criticism, or it wasn't putting you down, or it wasn't personal. We took it that way because we had not shifted our perspective. So how we were seeing and the filters we were looking through were, whether it be ego or trauma or just insights that we believe ourselves, we believe that we're right. So if we have an ideology, if we are really fired up about a certain thing, a political view, if our confirmation bias is really strong, we're getting fed all this information. So I guess at some point you make a determination of what's true. At some point, you gotta say, this is what it is.
- [09:08]
B
Yeah. Or you can critically think or look at what you're seeing and. And. And critique it. I mean, how many times, you know, back in the day, early in our relationship, even up until recently, I remember you used to say, stop criticizing me. Or you would. I would say something or give feedback on something, and you would take it so personally and thinking I was criticizing you. And it was so confusing to me because I would never say things to hurt you. I would never criticize you in the sense that other than, gosh, let's move our lives forward, let's align on this differently, or let's move together.
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A
But, you know, it's interesting. That's a big wound. I never shared this with you. So when I did recon and I did the podcast, you know, in front of 300 people, and I was interviewing four or five. Five people, I think, on the panel. And it was a great conversation. We were getting really into the thought processes that some of these very accomplished business people had. But one of them, you know, Calvin, he goes, no, Patrick, you got to quit asking the questions here. We want to ask you this question. And it was in alignment, anyways. And I then shared the story about having to sit through the. You know, where everybody goes around and says, you know, here's Patrick's Kryptonite Yeah, totally.
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B
I remember that.
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A
Kryptonite. Yeah, I remember that. Right. So I had to share it. Well, I didn't have to, but it just showed up. So I shared that story in front of 300 people on stage. Got a little emotional about it, actually. I don't know what that is. That unhealed wound, I guess. But anyways, it was great to share the story, and. And I think people really got a lot out of that kind of thing. But the point is, is that.
- [10:47]
B
Just don't step over that, cowboy. Whoa, whoa. Slow down. Like, slow down. Think about it. Even someone who loves you as much as I do, and I would say something to you around. You'd ask a question. I go, oh, well, let's do it this way. Or how about that? Or what about this? And you go, how come you're always criticizing me? And I'm like, what? What? It was so confusing to me.
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A
But I bust that a long time ago. That's just old dad issues. Because he. I lived in a world where I was constantly being judged and criticized by a father. So that's.
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B
I know, but you were probably 55 or 60 by the time you figured it out, so I. Oh, people that are listening are going to get sooner.
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A
Yeah, it's probably 55. I'm slow, steady. No, I was operating on top of it without knowing it. That's the blind spot. But it made me a little tough to work with sometimes.
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B
It was. And it was really hard on me because I. Not a. Like, to me, I'm not a critical person. And I would think about. And I would have to really consciously choose my words. And. And the reactions were always. Honestly, Han, I think this is important because you would believe that I would criticize you was so hard for me to believe.
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A
Okay. But we've gotten over that part now. I've moved on.
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B
We have. So let's go to number two.
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A
Okay, hold on. So the first step to, you know, that kind of freedom from our minds is, you know, to questioning the story we're telling ourselves. That's, you know, the awareness is what breaks the illusion, and that's what we got to kind of lean into, if you will. Okay. Okay. What you avoid controls you. And that's a big one. We think about the things that we avoid, and that could be. I always use the courageous conversations. What are we avoiding? Could be paying bills, I guess. Could be doing the work. What is it that you don't like that gets in your way? We dodge the pain. And so the things that we avoid controls us because we're always operating on top of an incompletion. Because if we're avoiding something, it means that there's something that needs to be done that we're not doing, which would imply an incompletion. And your statement is. Often is, you can't operate on top of incompletions. We know that to be the case. You can. And then it all implodes up. Yeah, yeah, it blows up. So incompletions are those things. They're. They're like, you know, you know, they're the things that we haul around with us mentally, energetically, and they're incompletions. And it, you know, we use the courageous conversations that maybe there's somebody or. Yeah. Somebody in your life that shows up a certain way, trick treats you a certain way, and you have to live with it. But rather than having to live with it in the context of how they're treating you, an incompletion and. Or, you know, something you want to avoid is that conversation that says, quit it. You know?
- [13:53]
B
Well, it's also, you know, how do you. How do you lean into it? How do you lean into the discomfort? You know, and then there's the other ones. It's like, I'm not incomplete with this conversation. Somebody might be incomplete with me. Right. But I'm not. I'm clear. And it's very interesting because it goes both ways. The line I use is what you resist persists.
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A
Yeah, well, and that's true. But there's. Generally, what we're avoiding is because there's some kind of fear behind it, whatever that fear.
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B
Fear of an outcome. Fear of. Mostly it's fear of rejection or confrontation. I think that's the other one, is fear of confrontation.
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A
Yeah, that's what I say. Courageous conversations. But there's a. There's another thing around this too, I think, sweetheart, which is, you know, you. You gain courage by, you know, you talked about, how do you lean into it? Well, it takes courage to lean into something. It sometimes takes courage to step up, but it's that muscle, once it's used, whatever that is, now you've gained strength. So the courage to kind of walk into the fire and realize that it's not that difficult or that you get through it. Now you've been through it, You've. You've had the experience, and now it becomes easier. So that becomes about courage. And then you don't let those things control you anymore. You get them handled. I'm going to get this done. I'm going to get this handled. I'm very much that way. I want to get shit done. I like getting those things out of my head. Get it handled. That's how I think I'm built.
- [15:24]
B
Yeah, I think so. I've had to work a little bit harder on that. But I think what I've had to learn, the distinction is, is it an incompletion? Do I need to fight to be complete? Because there's. Sometimes you just can't be complete. Maybe someone's left or passed away or there's. There's no way to come to resolution or. And you can keep it going in the loop, just trying to resolve, resolve, resolve to kind of make the. The feeling go away, that angst or whatever the next part of that statement is what you resist persists, but what you involve dissolves. What you involve dissolves. And that's what I heard you saying. I use it that way with the skaters because sometimes when they're resisting either a change or a learning or a lesson or whatever, it resists, resist. Then it pushes back at them. They get injured, they get sick. Right. But I said, well, what if you just involve it? Like. Like just fold it in. And then that's when I came up with the second line. Because I've heard what you resist persists for years. But what I come up with was, but what you involve dissolves. I thought that was brilliant.
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A
It is pretty brilliant. I like it.
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B
Thanks. You can use it.
- [16:31]
A
I can use it. Okay. Phew. Thank you. Okay. Number three. You are what you repeatedly do. It really is about our habits, right. And the discipline to carry through with our habits. You know, if you want a new life, if you want to show up differently, if the reality of what we talk about often is self mastery and being the best version of yourself is having the awareness to look at it and go, how's this working for me? You know, this will not. How I'm showing up, how I'm thinking, how I'm being is not going to be what moves me forward. I have to start implementing new habits, new disciplines. And, you know, we go to diet and physical health, but it could be meditation. It could be how you have a conversation at the office, how you speak to others, seek first to understand, then to be understood. Maybe you're one of those individuals that doesn't listen well. So these are all habits that we then and then discipline to shift how you occur, how you show up. Even what we just talked about on points one and two, you know, which is the habits to have the awareness to question your thoughts, to actually look and have the courage to face what you're avoiding. You know, maybe the new discipline, the new habit is that when something shows up that you're avoiding, you actually stop and go, oh, why am I avoiding this? Time to not avoid it. Let's get this shit handled. So that's now a step into who you want to become, how you want to handle those scenarios. That's my thoughts. What's yours?
- [18:11]
B
Yeah, I get that. I've been really struggling in the last couple of months just with a lot of self reflection and, you know, where am I that, you know, if my life is truly a reflection of who I'm being, how come shit's hitting the fan? You know, in a bunch of different.
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A
I don't. Yeah, but stop it. I don't think shit's hitting the fan. I don't. Like, we.
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B
Well, it feels like it is.
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A
Well, no, it doesn't. You, You.
- [18:36]
B
No, you can't tell me how I feel.
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A
But I can watch what's going on and what I can say is, there, here's perfect. Here's me reflecting back to you, going, you've faced some challenges. We both have. We're in it together. Business challenges which are just normal. We don't want to deal with them. But it's not like shit is hitting the fan. We're getting to a place in our life where we're just tired of dealing with this shit. That's all.
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B
You know, tired of, you know, tolerating certain things or trying too hard to make things happen. But there's also the stuff going on with my dad and, you know, and not being there and the, you know, he's not as lucid, but we had, you know, an amazing. I had an amazing couple days. Even though there's other things going on, but being able to be with him and understanding that. I also learned from him about his habits. You know, when he got married, when mom and dad got married, they quit drinking and then he, you know, does he quit caffeine and then he started golfing and, you know, there was these things and habits then and routines that he had over the years. And same with my mom is that I really started to see that they were. Their life became accumulation of their daily habits. And I really started to admire, you know, when they would talk about finances, how they handled it. You know, they would set aside a Sunday night and they would go on date night. You know, they at one, at one point went for four or five months and they, they called it bowling. But they, on a Sunday night were going to a personal development programs and they brought in a babysitter and I got to watch Walt Disney, you know, so. But I started to see a pattern with them and the habits that they were, that they were doing over time. So the gratitude that I have for those lessons and the habits that I have, whether it's I get out in the morning, I do my meditation, I do my stretches, I do sun before screenshots, I don't grab my phone right away. So I do see that those little habits are making a big difference in how I'm handling the stress right now. As tired as I am, as, as confused as I am to some. And some emotional stuff. Of course, the thought of, you know, I don't know what's going to happen in the next few months, but ultimately I'm heading into an Olympic year, so I want to make sure that I'm in shape and I'm grounded and I'm like taking care of myself. And my habits are. I'm not going to say they're perfect, but they're. At least there's a routine to them.
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A
Yes. Okay. Number four, you are emotional by design.
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B
Yeah, explain that one a little bit to me.
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A
Okay, well, if we use an example, emotion aren't the, aren't enemies. They're just what shows up for us. They're signals. And we have to look at those signals, you know, because what happens is emotions. They, you know, we can call them storms. We look at those emotional events that, you know, drive some anger or some fear or some worry or some anxiety. But there's also the other side of that where, you know, sometimes we get really overly emotional in times of, you know, parties and joy and celebrations.
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B
True. It's always two sides, right?
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A
Yeah, there's both sides. Right. So the thing about it is that, you know, you've said this many times, you know, when you're seeing your. Any individual, I mean, we use athletes often as an example, but they're coming off a high. And you always go, okay, well, you've got this high. And after a high always comes some degree of a low. So the point is, is that, you know, if our emotions were like weather, okay, we have storm clouds come in sometimes, we have great sunshine come in, but this too kind of passes. The point is, is that we don't need to be reaction. We don't have to react to the weather. We don't have to chase the weather. We can just observe what's happening with the weather. You know, And I think that's part of, we'll call it emotional maturity perhaps is learning to feel those emotions without losing ourselves in either the storm or the other side of it. But, you know, it's pretty easy to get caught up and lose ourselves in the joy of celebration.
- [22:49]
B
I had a call today with one of my teams from Australia and they're just so brilliant. They're coming so far in their journey and I was so proud of them. And they had a big high. You know, they qualified for the Olympics a couple of weeks ago at a pre trial event in China. So the Lithuanian team, our Australian team and our Jap, our Chinese team, all three qualified for the games, which is, which is huge. So I was talking to them today and they were talking about trying to resist the low. I'm like, well, we've done this work. You can't, it's going to happen. The only thing we can do is manage it and make sure, you know, the high isn't so high that the low is going to be equal to that. So one of the, the, the man said, he says, wow. He goes, it's kind of like surfing. I said, yes, it's like surfing. You go with the high and then you can crash on the wave or whatever, but, but you can also find that place where you're constantly just on the wave and you're just cruising and having some fun and, and riding it and riding the wave up and down. Right? Same thing with sailing. I use sailing a lot as an example, is that when you, I guess, you know, the hardest part when I'm having an initial conversation with, with anyone is that they're always seem to be seeking the high, high, high, high, high, high. And I use the example a lot is that think about rock stars or actors or famous people that you've seen and they are constantly trying to chase the high. But if they don't allow themselves to have the other side, to have the collapse and to just go into that softness or the little bit of a down, then the down gets even heavier. So what do they do? Is they, I don't know, kind of reach out substance abuse, maybe alcohol, drugs, artificial ways of propping up the high. So I really like to include this conversation really early on with everybody is that after a high there's a low, but after a low there's a high. Right? So it doesn't have to be a roller coaster. It can be like surfing. Not that I could surf, but the image that I got was a more of a kind of a controlled high. And low, where you can ride the wave, so to speak.
- [24:57]
A
Okay, number five, you ready?
- [25:02]
B
Hit me.
- [25:03]
A
This is a big one, right? This is your favorite. Regulation is mastery.
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B
I love this.
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A
So here's the thing about that. We've actually talked about that. So between what happens and your reaction to it, there's a space. And it's in that space that's where the regulation lives and that's where the mastery lives. The space between the event and how we react to the event. And it's our ability to regulate, not go off the deep end, not to drive that anger, perhaps, or the overreaction or the drama. That's awareness of the feelings that are showing up for you. And you got to be able to process those in nanoseconds so that you're not reactive to the situation and breathe through that stuff and have a process in your mind that when the proverbial shit hits the fan, you've got a way of regulating how you respond.
- [26:10]
B
Right. But that takes a high level of emotional intelligence as well as a high adversity quotient. And until, in my experience, until people can take full responsibility for their reactions and the fact that they are aware that they can actually emotionally regulate, it's mind blowing and life changing when you know that you can regulate emotion. There's, you know, there's emotional regulation, self regulation, and then there's CO regulation, like in the world of partnership or whether it's business and marriage. And I know with mine, shui, we're getting a bunch of couples signing up. So there's going to be some co regulation exercises that we're going to do so that we can help our partners regulate without actually coming in and try and giving quote unquote advice. Co regulation is a skill and there's a bunch of techniques. I can't obviously talk about it on the podcast because we'd be here all night, but regulation is a high level psychological skill and I'm so glad that your chat GPT buddy brought it up. I'm surprised it wasn't higher than number five, though.
- [27:09]
A
Well, I don't think this is a list of, you know, the top to the bottom. It's just five. It could be that we started with the lower kind of thing and ended up on, you know, regulation being the most important. The point is that regulation, this one is, I'm pretty good at and it took a long time to get there.
- [27:24]
B
It pisses me off sometimes because sometimes it shows up like you don't care and that kind of freaks me out sometimes.
- [27:31]
A
Yeah, but I know you do and I do. But I also have come to. That's a lot of the work that I've done over the years, even around stoicism and realizing I pretty quickly can get to what can I control and does it mean I'm not annoyed by it or even pissed off by it 100%. But there's another side of it, which is I've really become aware of energy leaks and I don't like them and I eliminate them really quickly or as fast as I can. If there's an energy leak and there's stuff that just keeps, you know, you can't get to it. It's like it's a leak, but it's not, you can't get to it. There's too much other stuff going on. But I'm pretty good at this one. This one, it's taken a long time. I certainly didn't start out that way, that's for darn sure. But emotional regulation, and then there's those individuals who, they're flying off the handle and anger management, all the things that go with it. And the thing about emotional regulation is you have to have that high awareness of, you gotta mind the gap, the gap between the event and how you react to the event. And if your ego gets in the way, it could get really self righteous.
- [28:47]
B
100% because that right fighting steps in. Right. And you know, when we are challenged and our ability to, if we're so dysregulated, for example, that we can't find neutral, we can't move past the charge that ends up in our body, you think about that energy, that anger that lives in our body, which ultimately leads to dis ease and early aging and bodily shutdown and emotional disconnect with people. And yet there's still a whole section, I find of the population that still looks outside themselves to make other people wrong. They can't find it in themselves where they can take any responsibility for what's happening in their lives. They're looking at everything. It's your fault, it's my fault, it's weather's fault, it's Carney's fault. Now it's Trump's fault. Now it's the weather's fault. Now it's everybody else's fault. And until that can stop and that peace can show up inside where you go, oh, I think I just need to slow down, cowboy myself and take a breath and maybe shift my perspective.
- [29:56]
A
Well, it's, it's interesting is that, you know, when you shared what you Just shared something that showed up for me. So, you know, if we, you know, we're blaming the environment, we're blaming the government, we're blaming a politician, we're blaming our boss. Whatever the story is, here's the thing, if you want to go there, step back and go, okay, what if everything you said is true? What if you've. You're not responsible for any of it. You're a total victim. It's Carney, it's the government, it's the boss, it's the people you work with. They're all assholes. It's your significant other. It's her fault, his fault. If he was nicer, if she was better. You know, all those things. So what if all of that is true? Okay, so it's all true.
- [30:45]
B
And then what?
- [30:46]
A
Now it only. Now what? It all comes back to you, baby. You know, it is ultimately how you respond. And this goes back to, okay, great, you want to blame everybody, blame everybody. So now what? You can't change them. They're not going to change. You know, we're. We're three years away from another election. Whatever the story is, you know, your boss is there and your boss isn't going anywhere. And the team is the team. So, okay, great.
- [31:12]
B
So, yeah, and it's like they just sit and it's like they're punching their way out of a wet paper bag and there's just no way out except in, you know, like our meditation, Paula, our teacher said, you know, everyone's seeking inner peace, but nobody wants to look inside. Right. It's the same thing with regulation. It's the same thing with responsibility. You know, everybody wants everybody else to be responsible for what's happened to them. So we've got this. I've never seen it this bad. Like, thank God I don't watch the news. But I'm also seeing it just even in our own life and business where certain people will just not take responsibility for their part in what happened. And I, I have a tendency to over take responsibility too much where I want to take the responsibility and make everything my fault, which is not. Which is a really something we should talk about on another podcast, is that's not a good trait. Right. At all. And that to me is what's the opposite of codependent. It's almost like I don't want people to have their experiences or their feelings. I don't want. I want to step in and fix. You're not broken. You don't need to be fixed. So I don't. I Don't know why I have this tendency, but I do see it as a pattern and thank God I'm getting it now at this young age.
- [32:24]
A
Okay, so as we kind of wind this down, self regulation is for me is easily defined between the gap between the event and how you react to the event. And do you have the self control to observe your feelings, your emotions, your thought process, and then pause, and then have that pause? All happens in nanoseconds, by the way. And that's just the way it is. But when we kind of wind it down, we all live in whatever story we have. You know, at the end of the day, most people, I think, don't realize that if we use it, we would say that your mind is both the author and the editor. Right? Your thought process. You're the author of your thought process, but you're also the editor of your thought process. You know, in our mind, Based on what ChatGPT shared with us, you know, it invents meaning, you know, it hides our trauma, our discomforts, and then it goes back to, you know, repeating the patterns which we talked about. Right. It is ultimately our ability, our discipline, to change how we operate so that we become the person we need to become that self regulating in terms of our emotions, our feelings, our awareness, so that we in fact are becoming or embracing the thought process around self mastery. And I love the term self mastery so much better than even personal development, because self mastery is a place that you have come to and now you have that awareness and you realize that self mastery is taking your game to the next level. It becomes a way of operating, you know, and Mai Shui Wei is a way of operating, but it's also a way of clearing the clutter. It's a way of the habits and the discipline that we take on in order to have that level of self mastery that elevates, takes us forward, moves us towards who we want to be, what we want to achieve.
- [34:34]
B
Yeah, good point. And the last part, I want to say is that when we have that level of self awareness, self mastery and self regulation is that there's way less drama, way less trauma and fights and kind of disagreements. And you know, I think about, if people were in this conversation, I think more, I think the legal profession would not make as much money, you know, there wouldn't be as many lawsuits and as many people accusing people of things.
- [35:01]
A
You know, yeah, there's, I mean, there's those individuals and we've met them and, and you know, many times over the years as there's you know, referred to as drama queens, drama kings. People who just kind of seem to be addicted to drama, you know, and that's just the way they operate.
- [35:21]
B
But it's a chemical charge in their body, too, don't forget. And I mean, again, that's another podcast. But there's a chemical charge that they can't surrender to because that is what is their fuel. And that is really sad to me.
- [35:33]
A
So you were just talking about. I don't know what made me think of it, but, you know, in a small town, if there's a one lawyer. Yeah, he goes broke.
- [35:43]
B
Right.
- [35:44]
A
If there's two, they're both millionaires. Get rich.
- [35:50]
B
I remember you telling me that. That's really good. That's true, right?
- [35:53]
A
It's so true.
- [35:54]
B
That's so true.
- [35:55]
A
Anyway, self regulation, self mastery. These were the five.
- [36:03]
B
Let's go through one one more time.
- [36:04]
A
Number one, your brain lies. That was number one. That's when we talked about kind of the funhouse mirror. Right, Right. What you avoid controls you.
- [36:14]
B
What you resist, persists. And what you involve dissolves.
- [36:20]
A
Dissolves. You are what you repeatedly do. If you want a new life, you got to sculpt it.
- [36:27]
B
Yep.
- [36:27]
A
Discipline.
- [36:28]
B
New habits.
- [36:28]
A
Habits. You are emotional by design.
- [36:33]
B
It's such a. Actually, that one gives me a lot of comfort, you know, really, because we are emotional beasts. We're emotional beings, and that's what makes us different than the rest of the animals on the planet. Right. Like, and then our next job is to then regulate.
- [36:48]
A
Yeah. And that was number five. Regulation is mastery. It is. And that is another episode of Mindset Matters. Stephanie, thank you.
- [37:00]
B
Thanks, hon. That was really fun.
- [37:03]
A
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends, as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you, the listener. If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, or questions you'd like answered, please email me@ceoaincanada.com that's CEO.com I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time. Patrick.
- [37:36]
B
Oh.