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The Everyday Millionaire and Mindset Matters Podcast
MindShui Way- Episode #244 - Who Would You Be Without Your Worries?
00:39:27
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- [00:00]
A
Foreign Most people try to change their life by doing more more discipline, more planning, strategy, more effort. Often the real issue is not that you're not trying hard enough or even that you feel like you're broken and need to be fixed. Mostly it is the mental and emotional clutter that keeps getting in the way, leaving you wanting change in your life but not knowing how, or even avoiding the changes you need to make. So welcome to the Mine Shui Wei podcast, formerly Mindset Matters. I'm your host Patrick Franci alongside Stephanie Hanlon Franci, my wife, Olympic mental performance coach. We call this mind shui. Like feng shui for the mind. And just as feng shui creates order, flow and alignment in your physical space, Min shui is about creating order, flow and alignment in your inner world. Because your mindset is not just positive thinking, it is the operating system behind your experience. Experience in life. This is the Mine Shui way. Listen in. Enjoy. So you're probably familiar with some version of the quote. It's not about the goal. It's about the journey of becoming the person you need to be to achieve the goal. What if you already are the person you're trying so hard to become? And what if that person isn't missing? What if that person is just buried under your life's concerns? Money, family, business, health, the future, the things that might happen or the things you haven't dealt with. Because there is a price. When our concerns run the show, our whole life starts to operate from it. We lead from it, make decisions from it, build relationships from it, and eventually our worries start to feel like the responsible thing to do. But what if it isn't? So today, asking a simple but not easy question, who could you be in the absence of your concerns? Not if your life was perfect or every problem disappeared. But what if your concerns were no longer driving so many areas of your life? What if you considered that peace, clarity, confidence and strength are not things we need to create, to chase or go find? What if they're already there and just buried underneath the mental and emotional clutter we've been carrying for a long time?
- [02:24]
B
Stephanie wow, that's a big opening, hun.
- [02:29]
A
Big opening. But who are we really?
- [02:32]
B
Are we just a like a compilation of our concerns?
- [02:36]
A
Well, who are we? Just imagine who we are. If we didn't have those concerns, what could we be? So I go immediately for me to think about if you're not worried, if you're not concerned about what others think of you, who would you be if you weren't concerned? Finances, who would you be if you weren't concerned about whether business was good, bad or indifferent? Who would you be? So I think it's a cruel. That's kind of an interesting question that who would you be if you weren't operating on top of or underneath of, I guess, maybe concerns? So let's unpack that a little bit.
- [03:17]
B
Yeah, that's a big one. Because, you know, in some ways, back in the day and over the. Over years, when I've worked with people in different businesses, it's like it was important for them to be worried about stuff. If they were worried, it made them a good person. If they were concerned, they were responsible. So there was always this thing about, well, if I'm just concerned about this or worried about that, that I'm a good person, I'm a good leader, and I'm thinking about. It's like, what would it be like if we just got to connect with people around their purpose, around what they're creating, instead of what they're worried about?
- [03:53]
A
Welcome to the Meng Shui Wei podcast, where we help you clear the clutter of your mind. Feng shui for the mind is the mind Shui Wei creating flow and energy. So concerns, if they were no longer driving so many areas of your life. Because when we look at, and we keep it relatively simple, the seven areas of life, so what if you or none of those areas were being driven by the concerns? So that in again is the conversation, and right away I come up with the thought process of, you probably feel a lot of mental, emotional peace, probably a lot of clarity, a lot of confidence. What's your thoughts?
- [04:39]
B
Well, I think about being able to move through the concerns and identify what they're based on. You know, is it a barrier? Is it a drama, a distraction, an incompletion? What is the concern really? And how much emotional, mental, spiritual energy are you going to put on it? Because at the end of the day, when you think about it, if we're only operating from our concerns and what we're worried about, it's very difficult to get into what we want to create. And I think as humans, and I've been doing a lot of work on this recently, is that we are creators. And if we get stuck by our concerns, and of course they make us feel important or responsible or whatever, I'm just going to deal with this and then I'll get to that. To me, it's just a way of just distracting or avoiding possibly having an amazing or great experience instead of just feeling guilty that things are Easy. And I've been accused of that before. People have said, your life's so easy, you barely do anything. And that's not true. I just don't lead with my worries and my concerns.
- [05:42]
A
You don't. You do tend to worry about our pets, but that's a different conversation. You're always worried about you and you a little bit about me, I'm sure. But let's. Let's go back a little bit. So if you're thinking about what would it be if you were living life without those concerns, where you're operating, you work dealing with those concerns. What happens right now is, I think our concerns, and you and I included, that is what creates our operating system. And we start to operate in that world now, depending on your degree of self awareness, the degree of personal professional development, self mastery. But we know individuals and we've coached many and talked to many where they're operating. On top of this constant worry, anxiety, concerns, future thinking. I know all of those really well because I have varying degrees of it. Although I have some great tools, I've developed some great tools for myself and others where we can actually start to collapse those concerns. And I think that's an important part of it. Because as you start to shift how you view the world, how you shift your concerns, your worries, then your operating system just naturally changes. It isn't plugged up by all of those future thinking thought processes or the concerns. Let's go back to where we opened a bit. I know for a long time I was really driven or impacted, affected by what I thought people would think of me.
- [07:16]
B
Right.
- [07:16]
A
There's less of a degree of that, but it's taken a long time to get past it. You know, from becoming an. Being a public speaker to doing podcasts, to putting it out there all of the time. I get to a point where I just don't have. I'm not concerned. The people who appreciate you and align with your values or align with your thought processes, they do. The rest can go away. I don't have an attachment to it anymore. However, it still shows up for me. Again, we go back to do you have the tools? So that it doesn't in fact shift your operating system, how you or what you do? If you're living true to yourself, if you're being authentic, then there's some vulnerability that has to come with that. If you're concerned about that, then it's going to limit you. What? I don't know. That's how I look at it.
- [08:03]
B
What if it's the other way around. What if, what if our limiting beliefs that were baked into maybe as kids or, you know, young adults or whatever, create the operating system? Because on so many levels, when I enter conversations with people, they're constantly venting or telling me what's not going right or what they're concerned about, or they're worried about the politics and the economy and the supply chain and all the things which are real. But what's underneath that is your goals is what you want your life to feel like it's all those things and it's almost like it's a self sabotage system. And I don't know, maybe you have better awareness of this. Is it from our operating system that creates our concerns or do our concerns create the limits of our operating systems?
- [08:54]
A
Okay, if you're asking me that question, there's no question. I believe our concerns are the primary driver of our operating system. So think about it. Think about the work we do. When you start to work with somebody to eliminate those concerns or to get on top of those concerns, or to shift perspective and hence perception, then your operating system automatically upgrades. I don't think you can upgrade your operating system without at least some level eliminating those concerns.
- [09:28]
B
That's so true. And you know what happens, I find, when you eliminate those concerns? They don't have that drama or distraction to focus on. People get scared. They're like, oh, now what? Now I have to be responsible. Now I have to actually take action in the direction that I want to go. I actually am going to get my results. I'm actually. It's a lot there for people.
- [09:47]
A
Okay, but just think what you just listed off. Those are all concerns. So let's go back to the question. Who could you be in the absence of your concerns? Just think about that for a second. Not a concern in the world, not a care in the world.
- [10:02]
B
You'd be childlike.
- [10:03]
A
Who could you be in that absence of your.
- [10:05]
B
You'd be childlike. Yeah, you'd have freedom. You could create. You wouldn't give a shit what people think about you. You could wear anything you want in whatever colors. You wouldn't care that anything matched. There would be freedom in the ability to go after your goals and to go after what it is you believe in yourself. Oh my gosh, think about that.
- [10:26]
A
There's the feeling around it. There's the calmness. Like how much quieter would your mind be if all you were thinking about is creating? Now, we had talked about doing a segment on creating versus consuming, so I think we could spend a Little bit of time there in this particular conversation, because we're all consumers. And I don't mean buying stuff. I mean consuming data, consuming, consuming videos, consuming content all over the place, buying stuff, doing all those things. That's the consumption part of us. But if we're consuming and not creating what. That's kind of the topic that you wanted to touch on. But I think it kind of fits in here a little bit. Why don't you explain it from how you see that particular narrative.
- [11:18]
B
I was thinking about it in the last little while, is that, you know, we think about our. Our North American culture, the Western culture. We're consumers. And what I really been seeing is that as this shifts, the consciousness shifts, et cetera, is that as human beings, we're designed to create. And if we're not creating something and putting ourselves out there and stretching, we actually can shut ourselves down. We get depressed. There's a function that I think a switch that flips, that we just can go sit on the couch and we just don't move. We get into a rut. For me, creating, it doesn't even have to be something grand. It could just be cooking. It could be building something. It could be. In my case, recently I wrote a chapter in a book called On Resilience. And it made me activate my creative and my creating, not my consuming avatar. Like I started creating. And when I started creating, I started feeling energized. I wanted to go walking, I wanted to ride the bike. I wanted to. So there's an energy as human beings that we're. We're gifted with, which is creating. Consuming, on the other hand, I believe, is a foreign object that's been put on us through culture, through different things. You know, I don't want to use the. Our political environment. But again, if we're only consuming, I think there's a big energy suck. And that's where we lose contact or connection with our purpose. We lose contact and connection to humanity. And I think when we create even something as. As small as, you know, like I said earlier, just cooking dinner or creating a piece of art and not judging it, you know, I look at my. One of my closest friends, Marie France. She's an amazing artistic director, choreographer, coach, and she creates constantly. So very rarely does she go into any kind of depression. But, you know, she can still consume and she can still do things. But the motivating factor of purpose, which I think human beings were designed, it's why we're here. And people say, why am I here? And I believe it's to create. It doesn't matter what you create, just create.
- [13:35]
A
So let's. I agree. And I think about, you know, I go in my. As you're speaking, I'm thinking about, you know, many years of business and we've gone through our own phases in life and in business and relationship of being very creative. And then we go through phases of consuming. And you're back on a journey of creating far more than you recently have. I mean, not because you're not being creative, but because you're into the, you're into the space that you created to play to begin with. So now you're in it, right? So yeah, you got to do stuff and there's still creation within that. But I want to impact. I mean this is a very philosophical question because one of the things that shows up for me, this is my analytical brain kicking in right now. Not my creative brain, but I think it's analytical. You know, we asked the question who could you be in the absence of your concerns? So we'll put a pin in that question. And I think you really need to kind of contemplate how much of our life is driven by our concerns. So what if we just got rid of concerns? Very philosophical. But we have to look at the other side and the practicality perhaps. Maybe I'm full of shit, but concerns are also what keeps us safe and having those concerns. And it's not to say that we shouldn't have concerns, I guess, but what if there was an absence of concerns? Very philosophical concerns keep us safe. They keep us heads up. They're part of what keeps us moving forward and building because we draw our attention to things that we are concerned about. And then perhaps we put in corrections. We make moves, we make decisions. But if you didn't have those concerns, your decisions would be really different, you know, how you looked at the world would be very, very different. So I don't know quite where I'm going with that other than there is a part of having concerns that keeps you safe. This is just a philosophical question.
- [15:28]
B
Yeah, I get that. It's like, why do we need to stay safe? Like, what is it that, you know, keeping us safe? What? Safe and effective. Safe. Safe. Like to me the word safe has been hijacked. So when I look at creating versus consuming and having concerns, I'll go, okay, well I can be aware of that. I'm not going to speed, you know, I'm not going to go 60 and a 30 kind of thing. There's, there's an awareness that There's a reason for that. I can be concerned about, you know, the results that we get, you know, if we make an investment. But when the concerns are so heavy and we think that by having concerns we're going to be safe, I think that's where we get stuck. I think the concerns are feedback, the. Their input or their reasons to check in and make sure you just check the box and then move on, make a decision, decide, move on, decide, move on, decide, move on. If you don't like the result, re, choose. But it's having these. The heaviness around. I'm concerned about the weather, I'm concerned about the climate. I'm concerned about the politics. You know, that's not something that I see keeps people safe. I see that keeps people stuck.
- [16:32]
A
Well, I think that's a really. And that's the key part of this, you know, the exercise in this is to be able to sit back and just sit in the conversation or in the question, I should say, about what would your life look like? Who would you be if you eliminated concerns? How would you show up differently? And I think that really is the question to just. To encourage you to just step back and look at and go, what concerns do I have that are limiting me from being the person I want to be doing the things I want to do? That really is the point in my world of this question, I think, is just to say, take a minute and think about it. Who would you be in the absence of your concerns and whatever those concerns might be. You know, think about relationships, think about business, think about the decisions you make to, I don't know, take chances, if you will, to build relationships with people that you don't know, to be a public speaker, to write your book, you know, what is in your way? What are the concerns that you have that are in your way? Have you ever even reflected on them and said, well, hold up, I've never actually, you know, I think the question for me landed is, wow, this is something that's really interesting because we don't use the word concern generally, we use the word worry. I think we can be concerned about something, but it doesn't stop us from moving forward. But it does shift how we approach a decision, how we approach a relationship, how we approach a business, an investment, whatever that might be. And so if we eliminated that, we would probably move with more velocity. We would make decisions in terms of not caring what others think. And I think that one's an important one because I think we're all at the effect of that at some level we're worried about what family and friends would think. That's a big one. Will it impact our immediate circle of influence and what will they think of us? That will, I think, put a governor or a limitation on many people, depending on the relationships you have. Because you're going to have some relationships. Go, go for it, just do it, you know, just. Yeah. And then you're going to have, others are going to have a judgment of it. And that concern of judgment, I think gets in the way of many people. And, and certainly, you know, when we even think about you in terms of the work you do with athletes, you think about their concerns and the judgment given. They're always being judged because they're athletes. I don't know. What's your thoughts on that?
- [19:12]
B
Well, yeah, I hear you. Although when it comes to, if we're going to compare it to champion mindset, high net worth clients, they're more committed to their purpose than they are to the concern. So when you put yourself out there, you're going to get a result. But if you put the concern in front or the worry in front, it's just going to keep you stuck. You know, it's no different. You know, it's going to keep you on the couch, it's going to keep you in a rut, which is fine. And some people, they go through their whole lives not having to actually take a risk or put themselves out there to be judged. So, you know, I maybe am a small part of the population, but I don't really give a shit what people think. You know, I, I've had to go into a world, especially in figure skating where I, in a lot of people's world don't think I have the experience or the credentials or the, or the proof. And, and, and now I'm going, you know what? I can't care. It's not that I don't care because I'm a good person, but I don't have the concerns. Cause I can't care anymore because I'm more committed to my purpose and to what it is that I'm doing in the world than I am to protecting myself. And that's what a concern or a worry is designed to do, is to protect yourself. So you don't take a risk. So you don't maybe fuck up or screw up or make a mistake or get judged. So it's in the decision around, okay, is this concern really worth operating on top of and living? Because what's on the other side of the concern could Be my joy. It could be my purpose, my passion, my peace. So it's, you know, really identifying what the concern or the worry is and not just even who I have to become or who I get to become if I don't operate through my concern. But to put the concern or the worry as equally important to your purpose or your passion is, I think, a real limiting belief system.
- [20:58]
A
It's interesting that you talked about the. Since you went on the journey of working with ice dance, I thought you're, you know, when you say you know, you don't really care what people think. I think I was surprised that it wasn't more about when you were in a man's world as an NHL skating coach.
- [21:19]
B
That's funny. You know what's. What really the root of that is that I really borrowed the confidence from my mom. She was in a man's world for years and years and years and didn't even really care. She was like, I don't want to be one of the boys. So what I learned from her is I can be a powerful woman in a man's world, but I don't need to be one of the boys. I didn't have that distinction. And also then meeting you and realizing that I could go fly and be myself and be myself fully and know I could come home to a powerful man. I wasn't looking for approval. I wasn't looking for a date. I didn't need to be accepted or applauded as much as know one of my higher, you know, my love languages is words of affirmation and all acknowledgement and stuff. I didn't need that from the NHL. I needed my purpose. You know, I'm seeing it now in the NHL the, the way that coaches are. Manny Malhotra just got hired by the Canucks. He's very values based. Rod Brindamore, very values based. Martin St. Louis with the Habs and Canadians is very values based. So I think about driving that conversation, you know, with you back in the day with pro skate and especially building quantum speed, is that it was values. And I was more committed to the purpose and the outcome rather than being judged that I was the only female skating coach and blah, blah, blah, that didn't even cross my mind. I had you, I had my mom, I had my business partners, and I had the players that believed that someday that this ice hockey, figure skating sport was going to be values based. I mean, I was just a little ahead of the curve. It's showing up now and I couldn't
- [22:58]
A
be happier there's a quote, and I don't remember the exact quote, so it's probably. I'm not going to profess to even be close to it, but the context of it is that your goal or what it is you most want is on the other side of the fear, or in this case, on the other side of our concerns. The point of this question, I think, is more about how it defines your operating system, how you go through the world, how you see the world, the decisions you make in your world are really develops, how you operate. You know, you're. If you're always got concerns, you've always got your guard up. You've always got a filter that says, this may not look good on me. This may be too dangerous. This may be too costly. There's always a narrative underneath it that says you've got concerns. So then you make decisions, you show up a certain way, all built around this thing called your concerns. And. And I think that really is, for me, what showed up was, what would I do differently if I didn't have concerns? And I mean, it's, you know, at this phase of our life, I mean, it's easy for us to reflect because we've got a lot of years to reflect on. So now it's about, okay, well, in the years going forward, you know, again, we've had a level of success. We're at a place where our concerns do go away a lot more. You know, we're concerned with different things. You know, am I staying healthy? You know, am I looking after my. My aching joints, whatever the story is. Right. So the point of it is, is that, you know, I think there's a lot of experience and wisdom we bring to this conversation because we have a lot of years to reflect on. So I think about even before you started the Champions Journey, what led to the Champions Journey was the lack of concern for what people thought about you. You know, we joked today in an interview around the book Resilience Ignite Resilience. And you're part of that book. Was I married the lady that was considered crazy. You know, a little bit out there, a little weird, and I didn't see it that way. I thought I saw you as gifted, so I wasn't concerned.
- [25:19]
B
Because think about your family, how concerned they were for the first, what, 20 years of our marriage. They were so worried about Patrick. Oh, my God, he's joined a cult. This woman's crazy. She's pulling us away. So they had concerns for you, so you didn't have to.
- [25:33]
A
Yeah, everybody had concerns for me. And so, but that all led, all of that is what led to you to having the conversation around the champion's journey. What does it take to be a champion? Because you were working with high performance athletes primarily at that point, and it really was what led you to your first Olympics and then beyond that. So that champion's journey came out of fewer concerns than many had. And many had concerns for you. So you know what I'm saying? So I don't know where we're going with this today, but ultimately I think that's the invitation for people who are listening is ask yourself that question, who could you be in the absence of your concerns?
- [26:17]
B
I think about that all the time with the people that I worked with, my friends, the people that I've tried to support over the years, what they would bring their limitations or their concerns to the conversation and then they would look at me with way less concerns about being liked or being approved of or being understood. And then at the same time, the people that I cared about judging me harshly because I wasn't following the rules and being concerned about the same things they were being concerned about. So there is, I think, a fine line when it comes to really stepping back and saying, okay, is this concern, is it valid? Is it going to be in the way of my purpose? Is it going to be something that a, keeps me safe and away from my calling? Or is it a concern that keeps me safe because I'm going to do it right and wear a seatbelt or I'm going to do, oh, yes, okay, it is a legitimate concern, but we get to decide what those legitimate concerns are. I don't, I don't believe in, you know, viruses. I don't believe, I'm not concerned about, you know, ever worried about getting sick because I know I keep, I keep myself healthy. We keep ourselves hydrated and we eat clean and we, we exercise, we do the things that we need to do to not get sick. So I'm not concerned about that. So I don't, there's not a lot of energy around that. So the health bucket is open so that I can be free to contribute my coaching in different areas, etc. So I think if we can help have the conversation about where the concerns can live in reality, in okay, or is it going to hold me back from living my dream? And I think about the friends that I've had over time that had so many concerns about following the rules and doing things correctly or right and then they didn't get to live their dream and One of my best friends passed away without ever living her dream of being an Olympian or going to Worlds because she was more worried and concerned about doing things correctly and not getting judged or whatever. I think there is a risk that you have to take and I am a bit of a gunslinger, I am a bit of a pioneer, I am a bit of a redneck. So I do have that ability to call the trigger, get the result, do it again or not. That's not for everybody. And I think if we just today shine a light on can we decide and discern what our concerns are and if they're going to keep us safe or if they're going to keep us away from our goals.
- [28:47]
A
This is a key part of this too, right? Is, is it in your way of achieving the goals and achieving or becoming the person you need to become to achieve the goal? Because, you know, we've certainly met many, many and have gotten to know many high net worth individuals. So if we just take that one kind of thing, that many people go, if I had money, you know, if we had that kind of money, if we had that kind of money. But you look at some of the high net worth individuals that we know and quite frankly they don't have their shit together. They've got a whole different list of concerns and they, they live into those concerns. So they're, although they, their bank accounts may be well padded, they are not operating from a place of being really powerful in who they are because they're so busy worrying about their bank accounts or worrying about their investment losses. So they show up in a different way. Their concerns are bigger perhaps, but it's also what drives them. So, you know, we know that money isn't the answer, I guess is my point in all of that. So when we think about who would you be? Not what could you achieve, but who could you be in the absence of your concerns? And, and, and dollars and cents don't, don't really fit into that conversation. I wanted to shine a light on that. You know, we look at, are you living your purpose or are you concerns what people will think about your purpose?
- [30:09]
B
Oh, say that again, cowboy. Oh, wait. Are you living your purpose or are
- [30:15]
A
you concerned about what others will think about what your purpose is?
- [30:21]
B
And that's, I think, so powerful because nobody ever, ever, ever, ever five times know what's really going on for other people. And when you, when for me, when I got clear on my purpose and what my passion was and how I was going to show up in the world, I had to Be willing to fall down. And I do fall down a lot and I get back up again and I screw up and I make mistakes. And being okay with that is also a quality that champions have to have. They have to be okay to fall down, they have to be okay to put in the correction. They have to be okay to keep things moving forward. And I think maybe it's a childhood limitation. I think about what my mom used to say is that she spent nine months creating me and the rest of her life letting me go. Right. So as parents and as caregivers, we are so concerned about keeping our kids safe. Safe, so concerned about that instead of going oh, how can I create environments for that child, that person, that client so that they have parameters to bump into the barriers. They, they're still safe but they're not going to put safety ahead of, you know, being limitless when it term when it comes to thinking what's possible. And I think about that all the time. And you know how much strength it takes for you to, you know, I remember back in the day when I was doing training camp, 17 days of being surrounded by fit, you know, good looking hockey players with a ton of money. But you knew every day I was coming home to you. So you didn't have a concern because you trusted our relationship and my love for you. So a lot of men couldn't have done that. They would had a major concern about sending their fit, good looking young wife into an environment like that. You didn't have that concern. So I think it really is grounded in self worth, worth and our, our ability to have concerns that are realistic in terms of managing our, our ability to understand what is real, what is not real. And we're not dealing with gaslighting or cognitive dissonance. You had a reality that was like, oh, my wife loves me, she's always going to come home. I don't need to worry about those super hot rich guys. And you didn't. So you had a level of self worth that you didn't put a concern that was made up in front of our relationship and our intimacy. And I don't know if a lot of people have that ability. And where did that come from in your case?
- [32:45]
A
Well, you know, it's something that you, it's interesting that you bring that up. So let's use that, let's shine a light on that for a second. So you're right, I didn't have concerns in that. It was not even a thought process. I had and occasionally I had male friends or acquaintances that would ask that question seriously, like your wife is skating with a bunch of young hot players, rich and hot cars, similar age, and you're not worried about it? I go, no, hadn't actually even thought about it. So you brought it up. But it's interesting, right? So think about that. If in our relationship, if I would have had that concern, how would that even have been shifted and shaped our relationship? I don't know if we'd be together. But think about couples that don't have that same level of trust for their significant other. And I don't mean necessarily in, you know, extra curricular activities with, you know, other partners. I'm just talking about if you don't have that level of trust with your partner and you're always operating on top of some concern, we'll use that as an example. Where can you trust them in those kinds of environments? You know, women working with men, men working with women, whatever that might be. If you're operating on that concern, how do you show up differently in your relationship with that individual? And I don't know the answer to that because I just showed up the way I showed up, you showed up the way you did that all work. We weren't ever debating whether or not you're. Somebody was hitting on you and what are you doing, you know, hanging out so much with those guys or what did he say or what did she say? We just never had that. But it's an interesting point that you make, because if I think about that one specifically, how many people have concerns about their significant other in some regard to that and how does that shift the relationship? And if you take that a concern away, how would it be if you were had no concerns about it, if you weren't even thinking about it like me? I wasn't even thinking about it through
- [34:50]
B
that time, which allowed you to support me. And because I knew that I didn't have the concern so I could fully be present, I could show up, tracksuit, coffee breath, ponytail, no makeup. I could fully be myself because I wasn't trying to either impress or get a date or get laid or whatever. Because I had the self worth and confidence that I was there to do my purpose. So my purpose outweighed my concerns about worried about you, how you were going to be jealous. I had enough trust in myself knowing my why, why was I there? And then I had enough trust in you knowing that you had trusted me enough or we had gone through enough work together that we had. You knew I would never cheat on you. So when. But where does that come from? Like, to me, I had to. I had to really go into and dive into that level of self confidence, that little level of self worth and self trust. And where did that come from? Did that come from my parents? Did that come from, you know, screwing up, making mistakes, and then finding someone like you, who, when we met, you were just. You were at rock bottom, dude. Like, it was like we. We started at rock bottom together. It was like we hadn't. We weren't all that a bag of chips back then. So we had basically nothing. So everything was built on one day at a time and who we had to become and how we had to show up for ourselves first. Because I didn't want to look in the mirror and ever think that I was going to do something that would wreck our relationship or would wreck my reputation. And I think that's what I remember years after I left the Oilers and I went back to, I think it was the Western Hockey League championship with the Memorial Cup. And one of the old sponsors of the Oilers, who was a big time sponsor of the Western Hockey League team, called the Emmett Oil Kings. And he came up to me, and my mom and dad were big clients of his, and he owned a couple of Chinese restaurants in town. And I was really honored to meet him. And I started explaining who I am, and he said, stephanie, how do you think I don't know who you are? I'm like, what? He goes, you have a stellar reputation with these young men. Stellar reputation. And I was just, like, rocked because that credibility, I couldn't have paid for that compliment. I couldn't have done that had I not had my parents support your support, my brother's support, the people around me, because I knew what I was doing was so rare and unique and that if I even stepped out the line, if I'd gone a date with a player or screwed up somehow, I would not have 10 or however many years later had that man who was so well respected in the hockey industry and in the business world say that to me. And to me, that anchored the next trajectory of my life. And I knew that if I had a stellar reputation, I wanted to protect it. So I didn't have a concern about going forward because I really was able to lay back on that comment and that the fact that the work that we had done, you and I had done, that I had done to make sure that, you know, I was living purpose over concerns to get that feedback, I believe that was one of the things that set me off in my new trajectory So I take every opportunity that I can to share with young people what I know about them and what they believe in and how important it is to stick to your guns, regardless of what people are saying. Stick to your guns, honor your values, be true to yourself. Because one day, 10, 20 years later, someone's going to acknowledge that you, you did that.
- [38:30]
A
Beautiful. We're going to leave it at that.
- [38:32]
B
I need to acknowledge Vic Ma.
- [38:34]
A
Vic Ma.
- [38:35]
B
That was his name just came to me.
- [38:37]
A
Okay, on that note, we're going to sign off. Food for thought. Who could you be in the absence of your concerns? Think about it. Thanks, Stefan.
- [38:46]
B
Wow, that was fun.
- [38:49]
A
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you you for listening. If you found value in the podcast, please take the time to rate and review and share with others. Share with your friends, as it is my goal to always improve and to provide the highest value for you, the listener. If you have any comments, suggestions or questions you'd like answered, please email me@ceoaincanada.com that's CEO Canada.com I look forward to hearing from you. And until next time, Patrick.
- [39:22]
B
Oh,