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The Everyday Style School
Do as I Say, Not as I Do: The Style Advice I Give, but Don't Follow
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Jennifer Macky Murry
If you've listened to the show for any length of time, you know I give a lot of advice, I say a lot of words, I tell you to do lots of things and not to do others. But the question is, do I actually practice what I preach? Do I follow my own advice? Turns out, not always. And today I'm going to share what bits of my own wisdom I don't follow. Let's get started. Foreign hello gorgeous. Welcome back to the Everyday Style School, the podcast that gives real life style advice to real life women. I'm your host Jennifer Macky Murry. I'm a wardrobe stylist who's been dressing everyday Women for over 20 years and I'm the founder of Everyday Style, where we are on a mission to inspire women to love the way they look and give you the tools to make getting dressed easy. As someone who listens to a lot of podcasts and spends more time scrolling social media than I probably should, I hear and I see a lot of advice from skincare experts sharing their anti aging secrets to finance experts saying you should never darken the door of a Starbucks. Sometimes I wonder if they're really following their own advice. Does the skincare expert fall asleep in her makeup a few times a week? And does the finance guru have a secret venti latte habit? Who knows? I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe they follow their own advice most of the time, but I'm guessing there are things they tell us to do that they're not doing themselves. Does that make them total frauds? To me? No. Now, if the finance expert is going through bankruptcy or the skin care person's unlined forehead is a result of Botox instead of good sleep and a quality moisturizer like she claims, then yeah, that's not cool. But the reality is, so much of the advice that you get from podcasts, TV social media is just best practices that apply to a lot of people, many of whom are probably in an early stage of learning about a topic and need that simple, clear advice. It's absolutely impossible to explain every nuance and every exception to every rule and give different advice to fit all levels of mastery, especially in a large forum like a podcast or a social media post. For example, if you're at the beginning of your finance journey and you've got a lot of debt to pay off, staying out of Starbucks probably is very good advice. But there's a finance guy that I follow who says if treating yourself to Starbucks once a week keeps you from feeling so deprived that you can't stick to a budget, get the Starbucks once you're not adding more debt each month. Now, I'm guessing a lot of people miss that last part and just tell themselves, well, he says getting Starbucks is okay, right? I truly believe that most experts and advice givers really want their audiences to succeed like I do. So we stick to advice that can't be misconstrued easily. Which probably means that your favorite experts don't follow all the advice they give. Maybe they're just not in that place anymore. Maybe they've moved on to higher level of mastery and they don't need those simple things. And I'm no exception to that. So today, in the spirit of transparency, I'm going to share four things I tell you to do, but I don't do myself. And because I want you to know that I'm not just out here saying things for the sake of saying things, I'm going to tell you why I don't do them. And the first one is that I don't follow a capsule wardrobe. This one's a little bit fuzzy to me because in all fairness, all fairness to me, I never said you should follow a capsule wardrobe. What I have said is that capsule wardrobes are one way to build a wardrobe, and they are a very good thing in lots of situations. For example, when your body is changing and you don't want to buy a ton of clothes, but you need to be able to get dressed every day, capsule wardrobes are amazing. Same thing with being on a budget. Capsule wardrobes are a great way to do more with less. A few years ago, I shared in one of my Facebook communities that I don't follow our capsule guides. And I got a very strongly worded message about how I am a fraud and she couldn't trust me anymore. She said the guides we create and that we sell are just money grabs if I'm not doing them myself. It was a lot. But here's the thing. Capsule wardrobes in general are really, really great. When you don't want to spend time thinking about what goes together or you're unsure of your style abilities, or you want a more minimalist approach, those things don't apply to me. I like creating outfits. I am not a minimalist and I'm pretty confident in my style. If I wasn't, we shouldn't be here, right? And as far as not following the everyday style, capsule guides, a big misconception that has lessened over time is, is that we create them based on what I like or what works for me, and trust me, nothing could be further from the truth. Very few of the capsule color palettes we've done over the years have been best for me. And a lot of the pieces aren't things that I feel good in. We choose things based on what's trending or what we've used before or what a lot of women would wear. When we're putting the capsule database together, I'm definitely shopping, and when there is a piece I love, I buy it. But if we just created guides with me in mind, we would have so many unhappy customers. I will always add a couple of capsule pieces to my wardrobe each season, and when a color works for me, I go all in. But I don't follow our guides closely for that reason. And to me, the message that I got was like criticizing a chef because he makes meals at home that aren't on the restaurant's menu. Even if he thinks the restaurant menu is amazing, I wouldn't expect him to only eat those dishes, right? Maybe sometimes he does, maybe sometimes he doesn't. And that's kind of where I'm at. There are times when I take a more capsule approach to my wardrobe. For example, when I go on vacation, I am all capsule, all the time, defined color palette, versatile pieces. Again, it's about doing more with less. Also, I go more capsule when my own body is changing. I've lost weight recently and I'm having to replace things because I don't really know where I'm going to end up. And we're on this weird cusp of becoming spring. I'm not rushing out to buy a whole new wardrobe, but I have bought a small collection of key pieces in a mix and match color palette that make it easy to create a lot of outfits with fewer things. So it isn't like I'm against capsule wardrobes while telling you they're the only or even the best way to get dressed. I think they're an amazing tool in certain situations and they solve a lot of wardrobe challenges and make style super easy. But I'm not a capsule guy. Die hard, and I'm sorry if you are shocked or offended by that, but it is what it is. We still know how to make them though, and that's what matters. The second bit of advice that I give but don't follow is about buying multiples. You probably know I'm against it, and maybe you know that the reason I am against it is that most of the time it's a money wasting and closet cluttering strategy. And I am against both of those things. But this is a time when people miss part of the advice I give and it changes the meaning a lot. One of our members actually just asked about this in a style coaching session and like most people, she remembered the first part of the advice good, which is don't buy multiples. But she forgot about the second, which is unless you are tough to fit. And by fit I mean things like struggling to find pants that fit both your waist and your hips, or struggling to find pants with a long enough inseam. If that's the case and you find pants that fit you perfectly off the rack, don't reinvent the wheel. Buy the pants in a couple of colors. What I'm talking about when I say don't buy multiples is everyday basics when you don't have fit challenges or statement pieces. I am personally am not an easy person to fit and I'm picky about things like necklines and sleeve types. I can't stand super high closed necklines and I am so over drop shoulder sleeves that I am going to scream. So when I found the perfect sweater with a vertical sleeve and a slightly open neckline, you can bet I bought a few of them. I struggle with pants too, but I love statement pants, so I don't buy multiples of those. Over the holidays I bought burgundy velvet cargo pants. I love them. They are cute, they're comfortable, they fit well, they're everything right? But I know that I can't or that I won't wear them all that often, so I didn't need to buy them in multiple colors even though they would have been an easy style solution, right? When it comes to buying multiples in statement pieces, you're going to end up wearing one more frequently than all the others. And even then you probably won't wear that one all that often because it stands out so much. So the other versions do just become money wasters and closet clutterers. The difference between the advice I give when it comes to multiples and the way I build my own wardrobe is that when I buy something in more than one color, I'm doing it intentionally to solve a specific problem rather than just kind of a default habit with not a lot of thought behind it. The other thing is that my wardrobe is incredibly varied. Yes, I might be wearing the same solid sweater, but I'm pairing the pink one with the burgundy velvet pants, or the burgundy one with leopard print straight legs, or the ivory with a teal silk miniskirt. There's enough interest and Variation in my wardrobe that I don't think anyone's ever even noticed that I have more than one of the same top. Most people try to pair their closet multiples with jeans that look pretty much the same or black pants that look pretty much the same. There just isn't enough variety to keep from looking and feeling like you're wearing the same outfit over and over, because you basically are, right? This leads to wardrobe boredom and buying more clothes again, often in multiple colors, which just perpetuates the cycle. So if you're going to buy multiples when you shop, make sure that it's solving a wardrobe problem rather than creating one. Speaking of shopping habits, the third piece of my own advice I don't follow is to stay out of stores in August and February. For decades, I have been telling women to save their money and not buy anything in these two months. And for the most part, I stand by that for a couple of reasons. First, August and February are kind of placeholders in fashion's calendar, right? Most of us are so ready for the next season that we jump to buy things that make us feel like spring or fall is almost here. Most people, and I know that climates are different, so this might not apply to you, but most people can't wear the things they buy in February or August for quite some time. I was at the mall the other day, and Old Navy has sundresses and linen pants. It is February in Minnesota, so the average high is in the low 20s. What am I going to do with linen pants right now? Nothing. Right. Another bit of advice that I give and that I do follow is that if you haven't worn a purchase within two weeks, chances are you never will. So return it. Get your money back. Well, that's tough to do when you realistically can't wear the things you've bought. So you buy it, you stick it in your closet, you wait to wear it, but then you decide you don't like it in. In two months or three months, and it's long past the return window, so you're just stuck with clothes you don't really want or need. Also, in February and August, you probably haven't looked at what you have or what you need or what would really help your wardrobe for the next season. And lots of times, you end up buying things that are very similar to what you already own. The other reason I tell people to stay out of stores in February and August is that these are traditionally big clearance months. And you know how I feel about clearance sections. Wardrobe struggles are created in clearance sections. Not solved. But it is really easy to get caught up in the excitement of finding a skirt for under $10, right? It's a throw thrill. But remember, price doesn't make anything fit you better, flatter you more or make you want to wear it. So if the thing that excites you most about an item is the price, just put it back and walk away. You will have saved yourself money. But my friend I shop in August and February and here's why. First, sometimes I just need stuff. Like I mentioned earlier, I am in the position of changing sizes and I find no value in struggling to get dressed or feeling frumpy. No value whatsoever. Could I go to a party feeling frumpy in clothes that are too big? Sure, I guess I could. But why would I do that? I know that I will have more fun if I like the way I look. So I went shopping. Was it more challenging because of all the sundresses and linen pants? Yep. Did I have to venture into clearance sections also? Yes. But I needed clothes. Finding a solution will always be more important to me than following a rule. If I had had all the clothes I needed to get me through the winter easily, I would not have gone shopping. I would have stayed out of the stores. But I needed to solve a problem. Also though, the other reason I will shop in these months is that I know myself well enough to know what I have and what I like. I don't buy okay stuff in August and February, but when pre spring and pre fall come out and there is something fabulous that looks nothing like what I already have, I'm going to buy it. I know that basic tops will always be there, so I don't bother with those. But some of my very favorite statement pieces were purchased in February and August. It isn't like the days of old when a store would get like 10 styles of tops and they would just get restocked throughout the season. Nope, not anymore. Now, especially with the more unique pieces that I'm always looking to add, when they're gone, they're gone. So if you don't buy them in February and August, they probably won't be there in March or what, September? But no, I am not going to bring home another basic tee in February or a sweatshirt in August. Those will be a dime a dozen when I can actually wear them. If it's not special, there is no reason to buy early. The last bit of advice I give but don't always follow is adhering to the rules of what's best for My body shape. Now, again, if you listen to the show regularly, this one shouldn't come as a total shock to you. I also say that style points count just as much as flattery points and that you should wear what makes you feel good. And those are so important to me. But I think there are a lot of people who believe that I only wear or only should wear styles that are best for apples. And I know this because people have told me back when I was a one on one stylist, I would have clients questioning why I was wearing a crew neck top or whatever. And at the time, I used to do a ton of speaking engagements and those are probably the things I miss most about my old life. But I used to talk about body shapes a lot and it was definitely my most requested topic. But if I didn't have the right sleeve length, the right neckline, or the right cardigan shape, I, I would hear about it when it was time for questions. You said Apple should wear a V neck. Why aren't you wearing one? You said Apple shouldn't wear short jackets. Yours looks short. It got to the point where I had just like two or three outfits that didn't go against any guidelines and could not be questioned at all. And I would just wear them on repeat. And even now, I try to wear things that follow body shape advice a little bit more closely when I know I'm going to be like, on video or if I'm on someone else's video show, whatever. But in my real life, I am not obsessed with following body shape rules. Before I tell you why, I want to talk about how body shape advice can be helpful and liberating and when it's harmful and limiting. Body shape advice is at its best when it helps you understand why clothes work the way they do on you. Think about a woman in a fitting room. She's taken a whole bunch of clothes in there to try on, but she doesn't understand her shape or what clothes do for her body. The first thing she tries on that doesn't work, it's like, meh, it's not for me. Like, it's kind of neutral. Right. The second thing that doesn't work makes her feel a little bit worse. But as it goes on, it becomes less about the clothes not being right and more about her not being right. It is such an ugly spiral. And the inner dialogue becomes, ugh, my shoulders look like a linebacker. Ugh, I hate my tummy. Oh, this would be cute If I lost £20. Maybe you've been there. I Know I have, especially when I didn't understand my body. But when you understand what clothes do for you and your body, you can say, oh, you know what? I don't love a drop shoulder. Or maybe I should try a woven top instead of a knit. It helps you understand that A, it's not you, it's the clothes, and B, it helps you understand how to find better clothes. Now, on the other hand, body shape advice and body shape rules become harmful when they make you feel like there are only six things you'll look good in. I have to say, those two or three perfect for my shape outfits felt like a bit of a prison. Were they technically right? Sure. But it didn't feel fun. Which I guess is the first reason that I don't feel the need to dress my shape textbook perfectly all the time. Where is the fun in that? Where is the creativity? One time I showed a client how 3 quarter length sleeves could make your hips appear smaller and she became obsessed. Like, she would not look at any full length sleeve tops when we shopped. She wanted to get rid of all the full length sleeve tops that she owned and she wanted to give me a measurement of exactly where the sleeve should end on her arm. Like, is it 2 inches above the wrist? Is it 4? Is it whatever? Like, she, she was so dialed in on this. And it was exhausting to me in the few hours that I spent with her. And I cannot imagine what it was like living in her head. It made me wish that I had never mentioned it at all and she could have just lived her life free from that dress. Your best knowledge. I wish I could have liberated her from the knowledge I gave her. Having fun with your clothes and with your style counts for a lot. And I would rather have sleeves that are a little bit too long than an obsession with having sleeves that are the perfect length. It's just mentally taxing to be obsessed with perfection. Another reason that I don't obsess about following body shape rules, and I know this might sound a little bit odd, is that because I know how to dress my body best, I don't have to worry about making sure each piece is best. And let me explain that using my favorite Pablo Picasso quote, which you've probably heard before, and that is, learn the rules like a pro so you can break them like an artist. It is true that turtlenecks aren't best for me, but because I know this, and more importantly, I know why they're not best for me and what they do for me, I know how to Mitigate the effects and end up in an outfit that I do feel good in again. This is why understanding your body and what clothes do for it is important. Otherwise, if all I knew is that Apple shouldn't wear turtlenecks, I. I would never even try, and I would have missed out on some really cute outfits. The last reason that I don't follow body shape advice 100% of the time is out of sheer necessity. Most of the styles that have been big in the last few years have not been best for my body shape. And, yes, can I find things that work? Absolutely, I have. But finding tops that are the right length with the open neckline, no drop shoulder, and the right fabric often feels like an exercise in futility. I'm a busy woman, so sometimes you just got to do the best you can do and then move on. When you add in things like wearing your best colors, forget it. I think I would probably have five shirts that were quote, unquote, perfect, and they're all ivory. Maybe one navy, but I would just be in a lot of ivory tops. That's it. Years ago, I was looking for a color consultant to come on the show, and I was chatting with a very, very sweet woman, but she was lamenting about how hard it is for her to find clothes in her color palette that also check off all of her body shape must haves. And this conversation started out kind of lighthearted, but she gradually started to get emotional and was saying how she shops endlessly and nothing is perfect, and she's struggling to get dressed all the time. She doesn't even want to leave the house. And I was listening to this, and in my head, I was like, you know, you just don't have to do any of it, right? Like, you could just wear a black turtleneck and the world would keep on spinning, I promise you. Like, I felt so bad for her because she was literally in a prison of her own making. And you can just. If that's the case, if. If you've made the prison, you can just get the key and open the door. You don't have to do it. Conversations like this are why 100%. Perfection is never my goal. It's just too hard. It's unattainable, especially when trends aren't cooperating. I know that styles will shift and better for me. Silhouettes will become more available someday. But until that happens, I'm just going to do the best I can and then move on. Life is too short, my friends. Your clothes are supposed to help you live the big rich full life you deserve. If the quest for clothing perfection is diminishing your life in any way, it's just not worth it. I hope this episode has helped you realize that all the advice and all the guidelines you hear on this show and in other places comes from a good place, but it doesn't mean that it's a one size fits all approach. As I always say in almost every episode, take what works for you and leave the rest. But I want to encourage you to think about why the advice doesn't work for you. Is there a valid reason, like buying multiples of things that are legitimately hard for you to find? Or is it just a case of this is how I've always done it, so I'm just going to keep on doing it. If you're happy with your style, great. Keep on doing your thing. But if you're not, it may be time to take a new approach. And that is all the advice I've got for you today. I'll see you next time, and until then, remember that your everyday matters. So get dressed for it. And that's a wrap. Thank you for listening today. If you're loving the Everyday Style School podcast, I'd like to invite you to become a member of the Style Circle. It's our monthly all access membership that gives you everything we create to make style easy so you can save time and money, have easier mornings and more confidence all day long. You get our seasonal capsule wardrobe guides, all of the masterclasses we offer, and our exclusive members only podcast, the Everyday Style School. Extra credit plus you're invited to the Facebook community where you can get even more style support and inspiration. I would love to get to know you and support your style journey. It's just $19 a month less than the cost of a clearance shirt you're never going to wear. Come join me and make your everyday style easier.