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- [00:00]
Unknown Speaker
Foreign.
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Jennifer McCoy
It'S week seven of the Everyday Style School Summer Shorts, which is our weekly summer series sharing a quick style thought or tip to help you save time, save money, and get the wardrobe you've always wanted. I'm your host, Jennifer Mcy. Mary I've been dressing Women for over 25 years, and I'm on a mission to help you love the way you look every single day. One theme we've touched on a couple of times in this series is the idea of style being this thing you put on when it matters and take off when you want to be comfortable versus style as a way of being. If you remember, we talked about the difference between dressing well and dressing up and giving yourself permission to just like what you like. Both of those are really important if you want to move from having stylish outfits to being a stylish woman. And today's tip is another piece of that particular puzzle. It's all about where to start if you want that transformation, which I assume you do since you're listening to this show. So here's today's style truth. Stylish women don't wear ratty underwear. You heard me. I said what I said, and I will say it again. So stylish women don't wear ratty underwear. As a matter of fact, stylish women have nice underwear, loungewear, and pajamas. Today I want to talk about why the things people don't see are actually more important to your style than the things they do. And I want to share a couple of things that you can do to approach style differently. But first, let's go back real quick to the idea that style is either something you put on and take off or. Or something you have all the time. There's a quote from legendary basketball coach and personal development guru John Wooden that says the true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching. With respect to Coach Whitten and a little bit of poetic license, I want to borrow that for this conversation and just change it up a little bit to say the true test of a woman's style is what she wears when no one is watching. If you want to be a stylish woman, this is where you need to start in order to flip the script. And I swear I can hear all the way in my office in the middle of nowhere, Minnesota women out there saying, ugh, but I don't wear those fancy pajamas, or nope, I'm not wearing uncomfortable bras. And if that described your reaction to the idea that stylish Women are stylish, even when no one's watching. With love and respect. I want you to go back to the first episode in this series because you might have a mindset block that's telling you style means dressing up in uncomfortable clothes. And you know what? It's okay. A lot of women are stuck there. But until you change that idea, that mindset, if your life doesn't require you to dress up in uncomfortable clothes, what you're basically telling yourself is that you can't have style ever. And no matter how much you say you want a fabulous wardrobe for the way you really live, you're never going to get there until you change that thinking. But even as I say that, I know, I know convincing women to prioritize clothes no one sees is a tough sell. Just getting my clients into better bras was a challenge sometimes, and that is literally step one to looking better in your clothes. Over the years, I have heard things like, I'm the only one who sees it, so who cares? Or I don't want to spend that kind of money on things no one sees. So if you are skeptical about the importance of nice underwear, loungewear, and pajamas, you're not alone. I get that. But I just want you to suspend that idea for a little while and just hear me out. Let me make my case, and then you can decide if I'm full of it or if maybe I have a point. To me, there are so many reasons that these unseen pieces are important. But in the interest of time today, I'm just going to share three with you. First, what you wear when no one's watching says a lot about who you believe you are. It's really easy to dress up for others, but what you wear in private reflects your true self concept. And when your true self concept is vastly different than what you want the world to see, you're often going to feel like you're putting on a costume. When you try to be more stylish, style feels performative. When at your core, you see yourself as the hot mess woman in a stained tee and leggings, lounging on the couch, too embarrassed to answer the door. It's in our nature to want to feel authentic. So to erase the disconnect between the person that people see and the person you see yourself at home, what normally gives is cute outfits, right? And then, even though you have nice clothes that are appropriate for your actual day, you find yourself passing over those things and choosing clothes that are closer to the woman you really think you are. The trick is to have as little gap between all parts of your style self as possible, so that when you come home from wherever you go, whatever you do, you change from your outside self to your inside self. You still feel like the same person. Now, like I just said, one way to erase that disconnect is to dial down your outside style and not wear the nice things that are hanging in your closet, which is what a lot of women end up doing whether they realize it or not. But another way, and may I say a better way, is to dial up your inside style when you look and feel a little bit better when no one's watching. It doesn't seem like such a stretch to make an effort when people are. You are far more likely to wear stylish outfits outside of the house if you don't feel like a total train wreck inside the house because all parts of you are aligned and you stop feeling like a style fraud. And this really is how you go from being a woman who has stylish outfits sometimes to being that stylish woman. You have to see yourself as a stylish person all the time, not just when it quote unquote matters. And you can't get there focusing only on the outside style you. The second reason these unseen clothes are so important goes a whole lot deeper than just the clothes themselves.
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Unknown Speaker
And.
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Jennifer McCoy
And it gets into worthiness. Because here's the truth. What you choose to wear when no one else will see you is one of the clearest indicators of how much you believe you matter. Not how much you matter to your family or your friends or the outside world, but how much you matter to yourself. The moments when you get dressed in the morning or you change into something comfy when you get home. Those moments are full of little messages that tell you whether you believe you're worth caring for just as you are, or whether you think you only deserve attention and effort when someone else is around to validate it. Again, that's doing it for other people. And I'll be honest with you, this is a spot where a lot of women let things slide. And I'll admit I've done the same thing. Not because we're lazy or uninterested in style, but because we're busy and tired and taking care of everyone else. So we default to just what's easy, what's available. Like the old bra that quit years ago and should have been retired, or the pajamas with the stain on the front and the leggings that we're embarrassed by and it doesn't seem like a big deal. In the moment. And maybe one of those things isn't. But over time, all of those things add up to a message that often is, I'm the last on the list. I don't deserve nice things. But when you value yourself, the pieces that no one sees, they become an act of self care and self respect. When you choose underwear that fits you really well and pajamas that feel and look good, and loungewear that is your style, you're not doing it to impress anyone else, you're not doing it for anyone else. You're doing it because you believe you are worthy of nice things and and you believe you're worthy of feeling good. And these things don't have to be fancy or uncomfortable. Again, it is not about that. It's about finding things that make you feel good, both physically and mentally, and remind you that you're worth showing up for, even if no one's going to see it. Finally, the third reason these pieces matter is that they affect your mood and how you show up in life. You know that feeling you get when your bra and underwear match? Kind of like you're a superhero, right? You instantly feel a little bit more put together, more in control, like you've just got your life together. That small choice made early in the day sets the tone for the whole day. It's like this private little confidence booster that no one else needs to see for you to feel the effect. So here's what I want to ask you. Why do we save that feeling for special occasions? Why not make it a daily habit to feel that way? You know, it's kind of like making your bed every morning. If you do that, not only is your bed made when you go to get in it at the end of the day, and that's a wonderful thing, but you also become a person who makes her bed, which is really the bigger win. And having your bra and underwear matches great, but being a woman whose bra and underwear always match, well, that's the kind of woman that I want to be. And I can be her if I just start with matching bra and underwear. Another little story I'll share with you is that a couple years ago someone posted in our community about this topic and she said something like, oh, Jen was right. Nice loungewear is important. And then she told the story of how her dog got out at like 10 o' clock at night and the whole neighborhood rushed out to help. Well, she was new to this neighborhood and this was the first time she'd met a lot of these people. And her point was that if she had been wearing her frumpy comfies, those things that she would have been embarrassed to open the door wearing, she wouldn't have wanted to engage. She wouldn't have even wanted to go out there at all. But because she had upgraded her lounge wear and she was feeling good, she was truly ready for anything. And then she made friends with her new neighbors. And there's actually science behind this one. It's called enclosed cognition. We've talked about it on the show many, many times, but it's the idea that what we wear influences how we think, how we feel and how we behave. And notice I didn't say what we wear when people see us influences how we think, feel, and behave. No, it's all of your clothing choices. When you wear things that make you feel good and like you've got your life together, you raise your energy and become a person who has her life together. But when you wear things that make you feel dumpy and frumpy and like, like your life is an out of control dumpster fire, your energy is going to match that too. What you wear has an impact on how you show up, whether people see it or not. Hopefully at this point, you are on board with the idea that what you wear behind closed doors matters. Or at least you're intrigued with the idea and wondering if I might have a point. So if that's the case, if you're feeling either of those ways, I want to wrap up with just a couple practical things you can do right now. The first one is go through your drawers and get rid of anything you're embarrassed by. I am talking the bottom of the barrel stuff. Maybe you would like to upgrade everything, and that's a wonderful goal, but for most people, it's unrealistic. So just start with getting rid of the worst of the worst. You know, when we do our closet cleanout challenges in the style circle, we always start with drawers. Couple of reasons. First, it's an area that's often neglected in closet edits and is usually in desperate need of a good clean out. But more importantly, this is where self respect and self care starts in your wardrobe. And I want to set that tone from the beginning. The other decisions that you make in your closet of whether to get rid of that sweater, whether to get rid of that dress, those become easier when you have raised your level of of self care, of self respect, of what you want for yourself. Everything becomes easier when you get rid of the worst of the worst. So once you've done that, I want you to commit to wearing your best stuff for a week. We just got rid of the worst of the worst. Now flip the script and focus on the best of the best. And by this, I don't mean wearing things that aren't appropriate or applicable for the day you're really having. This is again where we make the mistake of thinking that dressing well means dressing up or dressing uncomfortably. I am not saying wear the Valentine's Day stuff under your clothes to the grocery store unless you want to, in which case, have at it. I'm proud of you. I'm just saying wear your nicest, best fitting everyday underwear instead of the ones that have seen better days. Finally, make a list of what you'd like to upgrade. Do you want pajamas that reflect your signature style? Do you want loungewear that you wouldn't be embarrassed to chase your dog in? Is it time for an underwear drawer refresh? You don't have to buy everything at once, just know what you need so you can be intentional about adding it to your wardrobe. If you do these three things, you're going to start to change the way you think about the clothes that no one sees and you're going to start to take an inside out approach to style. Which is, in the end is what turns you from a woman with stylish clothes to a truly stylish woman. All right, that's all for this episode of Summer Shorts. I hope it inspires you to take a fresh look at this unseen part of your wardrobe. As always, remember that your everyday matters, so get dressed for it. Thanks for listening and I'll see you next week.
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Mary
And that's a wrap. Thank you for listening today. If you're loving the Everyday Style School podcast, I'd like to invite you to become a member of the Style Circle. It's our monthly all access membership that gives you everything we create to make style easy so you can save time and money, have easier mornings and more confidence all day long. You get our seasonal capsule wardrobe guides, all of the master classes we offer, and our exclusive members only podcast the Everyday Style School.
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Jennifer McCoy
Extra credit.
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Mary
Plus you're invited to the Facebook community where you can get even more style support and inspiration. I would love to get to know you and support your style journey. It's just $19 a month less than the cost of a clearance shirt you're.
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Jennifer McCoy
Never going to wear.
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Mary
Come join me and make your everyday style easier.
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Unknown Speaker
Sa.