One-Hitter: Sarah Isgur Explains the Supreme Court’s Big Finish (Members Only #331)

Summary

The Fifth Column – Episode #331: "One-Hitter: Sarah Isgur Explains the Supreme Court’s Big Finish"

Date: June 30, 2026
Guests: Sarah Isgur

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Episode Overview

In this special "One-Hitter" members-only episode, Kmele Foster, Michael Moynihan, and Matt Welch are joined by legal analyst and journalist Sarah Isgur to break down the Supreme Court’s much-anticipated last batch of opinions—primarily the headline-grabbing birthright citizenship case. The group blends legal insight, humor, and camaraderie as they analyze the ruling’s significance, address legal myths, and contextualize the drama behind 194 pages of divided and passionate Supreme Court writing.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Setting the Scene and Guest Introduction

• Some humorous banter opens the show (“Sarah’s got jungle fever” [00:00]), with the hosts riffing on appearance, technical difficulties, and friendly teasing of new guest Sarah Isgur.
• Sarah Isgur is welcomed as “the incomparable Sarah Isgur of Supreme Court craziness” [02:00].

2. Supreme Court Timing & Process

• Clarification on ‘Last Day of the Term’:
  Isgur explains the common misconception about the Supreme Court’s calendar:

  “First of all, we all say the last day of the term, including me. But technically the term runs for a year until October. So it's really the last day that we expect merits decision opinions.” [03:02]

• Why Big Cases Drop Last:
  Isgur likens the justices to procrastinating students, with opinions growing as justices reply to each other, making large decisions take longer to finalize.

  “The gas expands to fill the container… unless there's a due date, like you just sort of keep working on it forever. And so when there's a due date, then you cram the night before. That's pretty much what happens at the Supreme Court as well.” [03:11]

3. Birthright Citizenship Case: Ruling and Significance

• Decision Overview:

  • Moynihan prompts, “Did this, Sarah Isgur, this decision surprise you in any way? It was a 6-3 decision… What's interesting about the decision?” [05:05]
  • Isgur:

    “I'm here to read 194 pages, so you don't have to.” [05:36]

    • The court handed down a 6-3 decision, blocking Donald Trump’s executive order regarding birthright citizenship.
    • The majority: Chief Justice Roberts, Kavanaugh, Barrett, Kagan, Sotomayor, and Jackson.
    • The deeper constitutional question—whether the 14th Amendment allows Congress itself to alter the definition—was less fully resolved.

• Page Count as a Clue:
  Isgur notes the decision’s main opinion was only 26 pages, while the combined responses and dissents totaled a whopping 194 pages, explaining the delayed timing.

  “Each justice gets a chance to respond and add footnotes and reply to each other and it grows and it grows…That just takes a really long time.” [03:42]

4. Listener-Friendly Context & Pop Culture References

• The hosts weave in references to U.S. men’s soccer and birthright citizenship at a personal level (e.g., Balagan being an “anchor baby” and scoring a goal for the U.S.:

  “I just want the guy to stay on the team.” [05:39])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Justices as Procrastinators:

  “Unless there's a due date, like you just sort of keep working on it forever. And so when there's a due date, then you cram the night before. That's pretty much what happens at the Supreme Court as well.” — Sarah Isgur [03:13]

• On Opinion Lengths:

  “The majority opinion was only 26 pages. The problem as we learned was that the whole thing was 194 pages. And so each justice gets a chance to respond and add footnotes and reply to each other and it grows and it grows.” — Sarah Isgur [03:36]

• On Media Readiness:

  “You look like, you look like you went to, you did your hair done. Cuz you're doing a lot of media today. It was for this, for me.” — Michael Moynihan [02:16]

• On Birthright Citizenship Case Outcome:

  “This is a 6, 3 decision as far as whether Donald Trump's executive order could go into effect. Six justices say no.” — Sarah Isgur [05:44]

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Banter and Guest Introduction: 00:00–02:30
• Supreme Court Process, Last Day Myth: 02:43–03:20
• Legal Details: Case Opinion Length and Timing: 03:20–04:31
• Birthright Citizenship Decision Analyzed: 05:05–06:14

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Tone & Style Notes

• The conversation maintains its characteristic mix of irreverence, wit, pop culture reference, and sharp analysis.
• Legal insight is made accessible and appealing, with jargon kept light and explanations clear.

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Overall Takeaways

Even a seemingly straightforward Supreme Court decision can generate a mountain of writing, due to judicial back-and-forth and meticulous review. The episode provides acute insight into both the workings and personalities behind monumental legal moments, all while maintaining The Fifth Column’s signature blend of humor and clarity.

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For the full breakdown and more inappropriate jokes, subscribe at www.wethefifth.com.

Transcript

[A]

Sarah's got jungle fever.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

That is wildly entertaining.

[A]

That's a song. It's a Stevie Wonder song, Sarah. What do you guys hate?

[D]

Stevie Wonder.

[A]

We know of new methods of attack.

[C]

I don't know if it's just a contrast on this. On this display or what, but I'm seeing myself cast completely in shadow, and I want to assure you. This is Camille.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

could be anyone.

[D]

Could be any random black dude they invited into the vidcon.

[B]

Or not black dude.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

See, we're very scared right now. And I am.

[C]

I am shiny. But that's because I'm in Mondani's New York and the subway still doesn't work, and I had to walk about a block and a half, two, three blocks.

[B]

Why are you so defensive?

[C]

I mean, because it's super fucked up. The city is supposed to be running better.

[A]

We have full blown communism, Nothing wrong, Runs.

[D]

Well, he knows I have a crush on him, and he doesn't want to diminish my crush level, so he's trying to explain.

[A]

Crush on who?

[D]

Say hi, Camille, Donnie.

[C]

Oh, Camille.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Camille.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

If you had a crush on Mumdani, I'd be very upset.

[D]

Yeah, that'd be really weird.

[A]

It might even.

[D]

Whereas having a crush on Camille. Is it weird at all?

[A]

No.

[C]

No, it's not. It's not.

[A]

Yeah. She's always like, I need to taste the chocolate. I'm like, what are you talking about? It's not. It's inappropriate. We're not recording right now.

[C]

Yes, we are. Well, we are. Yes, we are. Moynihan says he needs to taste the chocolate every single time I see him, which is a lot.

[A]

It's because I'm a diabetic and I have low blood sugar.

[C]

That's what he says. I literally need it. Yeah.

[D]

And how long are we going?

[C]

How much time do you have, Sarah?

[A]

Have you ever seen a Joe Rogan show or a Bruce Springsteen concert? Sarah, it depends on how interesting you are. I know that you. It's an uphill battle.

[B]

There's a gong right off camera when I suck.

[A]

Yeah. So when you start going back to New Deal case law, I'm just gonna yell boring. And then, you know, to move on.

[B]

Slaughterhouse cases. Not again. We've done quite a few one hitters over the years. Or quickie reactions to Supreme Court days. This is our first one that we've ever done with Sarah Isger. Sarah Isger. The incomparable Sarah Isger of Supreme Court craziness in Sarah.

[A]

We thank you for coming because we Love having you. But thank you on this very busy day for you. You look like, you look like you went to, you did your hair done. Cuz you're doing a lot of media today. It was for this, for me.

[D]

Look, what works out really nicely is the decisions don't come out until 10:05am so you actually have your morning pretty free. And then the crazy doesn't let up. But you know, you've got a lot of time to primp before 10:05.

[A]

Well, you primped. Well, we're happy about the primping. I was worried about the primping.

[B]

I've got a question about today. Since today's the last day of the term, you. And of course we're sort of always thinking that the birthright citizenship case would happen on the last day. Do we think that it's gonna happen on the last day just cause it's the hardest and they're all procrastinating or is there some other reason to have these types of cases on the last day of the term?

[D]

Okay, so first of all, we all say the last day of the term, including me. But technically the term runs for a year until October. So it's really the last day that we expect merits decision opinions. But I just like being an asshole to you and correcting you. So I just wanted to start with a correction, you know. Second, we have heard from all of the justices, all of the clerks, and they will tell you that the gas expands to fill the container, just like any of us who have had assignments due in high school, that unless there's a due date, like you just sort of keep working on it forever. And so when there's a due date, then you cram the night before. That's pretty much what happens at the Supreme Court as well. And so the birthright citizenship case in the end actually wasn't that monumental, legally speaking at all. And the majority opinion was only 26 pages. The problem as we learned was that the whole thing was 194 pages. And so each justice gets a chance to respond and add footnotes and reply to each other and it grows and it grows. And then that whole thing needs to be site checked to make sure every single, you know, case that they're citing otherwise is correct with the right page number. That just takes a really long time. So when you have 194 page opinion that was argued in March, I'm not surprised that it took until the last day of the term.

[A]

What do you I say, first of all, that this is a great day for the U.S. men's soccer team in.

[B]

Absolutely right, yes.

[A]

Because there is a fellow named Balagan. Is that his name? Baligan. Who has a. Like, a proper English accent. And I was like, what's he doing on the team, this interloper? And it turns out his mother was, like, in the circus or something. And he was born in Brooklyn.

[C]

Let's go.

[A]

And spent, what, two days in the U.S. anchor Baby, then anchored his way out, and he's on the team. I don't. I think this is his first time in America.

[C]

I'm not sure.

[A]

But he scored a goal, so I am supporting this decision. Did this, Sarah Isger, this decision surprise you in any way? It was a 6, 3 decision. Talk about kind of the. Anything that surprised you about it? The general kind of. The ruling itself. I mean, I got it off the train coming into this sweltering, horrible communist city, and I was like, oh, that's about it. Oh, they upheld birthright citizenship. Give us the details. What's interesting about the decision?

[D]

I'm here to read 194 pages, so you don't have to.

[A]

I don't want to do that shit. I just want the guy to stay on the team.

[D]

This is a 6, 3 decision as far as whether Donald Trump's executive order could go into effect.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Six justices say no. That's the chief, and Kavanaugh and Barrett, along with Kagan, Sotomayor, and Jackson. But there was actually more of a disagreement on. On the constitutional question whether the 14th Amendment itself prevents even Congress from passing a different definition of birthright citizenship. That was actually.

[A]

Do we have enough?

[C]

I don't know. I don't know if that's gonna work. I don't care.

[A]

All right, cheapos. You got as much as we're gonna give you for free. It gets a lot worse from here.

[C]

So much worse.

[A]

There's gonna be so many mispronounced words like architecture, which is a favorite of a friend of ours.

[C]

Wait, that's not right.

[A]

And a lot of flu, a lot of kerfluffs. And that will be three, sometimes nine syllables. But you can only find out if you take out that credit card, swipe it a couple times, and subscribe. Why have you not done this already? So many of you send me emails that say, okay, I finally subscribed because Moynihan was pressuring me. The pressure's back, baby. Subscribe. Bye, bye.