There's a kind of feedback that fills you with relief and gratitude, and there's a kind that leaves you with low-grade anxiety—even when the feedback is good and you want to use it.

The difference is just one simple thing most readers don't do by default.

I've had dozens of readers and editors over the years. And I've realized that even among professionals—agents, editors, trusted writer friends—there's feedback that's incredibly helpful and feedback that makes you want to eat a pint of ice cream and give up.

In this episode:

• The one rule that separates good feedback from "guess what I'm thinking" feedback
• Why my HarperCollins editor was so easy to work with (and I didn't realize it until now)
• How a novelist friend sent me notes that made me want to send her 18,000 Crumbl cookies
• What to ask your beta readers so you're not playing a scavenger hunt with your manuscript

Episode mentioned: Season 10 Ep 2: The #1 Reason Feedback is Stressful Is Not Even a Real Thing (https://open.spotify.com/episode/7dCqcaEG6OcVW129sXw1AG?si=cc4NHJS1TcaPBgLyPpHawA)

Love the show? Share it with a fellow writer or leave a review! For more resources, visit thebookincubator.com.

Let's connect! Come say hi on Instagram: @book.incubator

Happy writing! — Mary

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RESOURCES:

+ Learn my Four Notebooks Method & get your free template:
http://bit.ly/3wGmMTc

+ A Novel in 52 Prompts - A scene-by-scene blueprint for writing your novel:
https://www.thebookincubator.com/novel-in-52-prompts

+ Ready to write your dream book? Apply for The Book Incubator in just 5 minutes with no obligation to enroll and get my free 60-minute training HOW TO WRITE YOUR DREAM BOOK WITH A FULL-TIME JOB (AND A LIFE):
https://bit.ly/3wEwrJQ

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Hi, I'm Mary!

I'm the author of the novels When You Read This (Indie Next Pick and “Best Book of 2019” by Good Housekeeping), Privilege (Today.com “Best Summer Read”), and Palm Beach (New York Post “Best Book of 2021” and “like a sandy beach, equal parts beautiful and uncomfortable” according to the Associated Press). My memoir, You Might Feel A Little Pressure, was released by Third Rail Press in 2025.

My books have been published in 13 countries, and I've written for the New York Times, The Atlantic, Slate, and more. I founded an MFA-alternative, The Book Incubator, which has now helped hundreds of writers finish their books over 12 months and continues supporting them through publication (yes, forever!).

When I’m not writing, I’m probably building a fort with my 7-year-old son Finn or bathing with an overpriced Lush bath bomb. I live in Dallas, where I spend my free time trying to domesticate a stubborn tabby and shamelessly watching reality TV.

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Social:

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