Episode Overview

Podcast: The Fr. Mike Schmitz Catholic Podcast
Episode: "If You're Doing This, It's Not Love"
Host: Ascension
Guest: Fr. Mike Schmitz
Release Date: March 19, 2026

This episode explores the true nature of love, drawing on theology, the writings of Saint John Paul II, and C.S. Lewis. Fr. Mike Schmitz tackles common misconceptions about love’s opposites, the subtle dangers of indifference, and explains how authentic love is rooted in affirming the dignity of others. He challenges listeners to reflect on their daily choices, especially in how they treat, use, or ignore people around them.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Threefold Human Purpose

• [00:24] Fr. Mike outlines that, biblically (Genesis 1 & 2), humans are created for:
  • Labor (productive work, modeled after God working)
  • Leisure (rest, modeled after God resting on the seventh day)
  • Love (sharing in God's deepest identity)
• Quote:

  "The innermost secret of God is that God is love. Love isn't just something God does, but love is who God is." – Fr. Mike [01:16]

• Being made in God's image means our deepest identity is love.

2. The Distortion of Love

• [02:11] Genesis 3 introduces brokenness, resulting in distorted labor, leisure, and love.
• Drawing from John Paul II, Fr. Mike quotes:
  • Quote:

    "The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is use." – Fr. Mike referencing John Paul II [02:26]

• Use is when we see others in terms of their utility to us, not their inherent dignity.

3. What "Use" Looks Like

• [03:03] Use is more than lust; it can involve manipulation, theft, or seeing others merely as means to personal ends.
  • Quote:

    "Doesn’t have to just be lust... I see something in you that’s potentially valuable for me. That’s use." – Fr. Mike [03:27]

• It is a gaze that asks, “What can I take from you?” rather than “How can I will your good?”

4. The Other Distortion: Indifference

• [03:44] Indifference is the other extreme: not even recognizing the other, effectively declaring their lack of value.
  • Quote:

    "Indifference is looking at another and saying, 'Oh, I'm not even acknowledging you. I'm not even necessarily even seeing you. It's as if you don't exist.'" – Fr. Mike [04:05]

• Unlike use, which acknowledges some value, indifference denies any.

5. Everyday Indifference

• [05:01] Fr. Mike points out the prevalence of indifference in modern life—ignoring others’ existence, not just their suffering.
• C.S. Lewis is referenced regarding our blindness to the spiritual reality of each person.
  • Quote:

    "If we could only see... even just the most ordinary human being... we'd either be tempted to run in horror because of the distortion... or bow down in worship because of the image of God." – Fr. Mike paraphrasing C.S. Lewis [05:39]

• Fr. Mike challenges listeners: avoiding use does not excuse indifference.

6. Violating the Greatest Commandments

• [06:23] Both use and indifference violate Jesus’ command to love your neighbor as yourself.
• The heart of Christian life is recognizing others as worthy of love, not as objects or as invisible.

7. The Call to Chastity

• [06:47] Fr. Mike introduces chastity as the virtue that counters both lust (use) and indifference.
  • Quote:

    "Chastity... what it essentially entails is a quickness to affirm the dignity of the other person. The essence of chastity is the quickness to affirm the dignity of the other person." – Fr. Mike [07:04]

• Chastity is not merely about sexual conduct; it’s about looking at others and instantly recognizing and affirming their inherent worth.

8. Chastity in Everyday Life

• [08:17] We live out chastity daily, not just by avoiding lust, but with a "quickness to affirm," acknowledging each person as made in God's image.
  • Quote:

    "To quickly acknowledge, this is a human being made in God’s image and likeness. This is a human being of great, incredible goodness. This is a human being who's worth loving." – Fr. Mike [08:34]

• This is everyone’s deepest identity and highest calling.

9. Practical Takeaway

• [09:10] Fr. Mike urges listeners: for every person you encounter, affirm their dignity—actively practice this in daily life.

Memorable Quotes

• "The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is use."
  – Fr. Mike [02:26], quoting John Paul II
• "The essence of chastity is the quickness to affirm the dignity of the other person."
  – Fr. Mike [07:04]
• "To quickly acknowledge, this is a human being made in God’s image and likeness... who’s worth loving."
  – Fr. Mike [08:34]
• "How many people do you and I pass with indifference?"
  – Fr. Mike [05:57], challenging the listener

Key Timestamps

• [00:24] – The threefold human purpose (labor, leisure, love)
• [02:26] – The definition of love’s opposite: use
• [03:44] – Description of indifference
• [05:39] – C.S. Lewis on the dignity of every person
• [06:47] – Chastity as the answer to use and indifference
• [08:17] – Practical, daily application of chastity

Tone & Style

• Fr. Mike’s delivery is personable, passionate, and gently challenging.
• He uses vivid imagery, relatable examples, and draws seamlessly from theological sources and popular culture.
• The episode leaves listeners with both a deeper understanding and clear, actionable steps for daily life.

Summary for New Listeners

Fr. Mike Schmitz unpacks what real love is—and isn’t—drawing from Saint John Paul II and C.S. Lewis. He argues that the true opposite of love is not hate but using others for personal gain, and that indifference (ignoring others’ dignity) is equally a betrayal of our calling. The virtue that counters both? Chastity—not just in a sexual sense but as a "quickness to affirm" the dignity and worth of every person we meet. The episode challenges us all: Are we loving, or merely not using—or, worse, not even seeing—our neighbor? Only authentic love, rooted in daily recognition of others’ value, is faithful to who we’re truly made to be.