Caught Up In The Rapture

Summary

The Friend Zone Episode Summary

Podcast: The Friend Zone
Episode: Caught Up In The Rapture
Hosts: Dustin Ross, Hey Fran Hey (Francesca), Assanté
Date: September 24, 2025
Theme: The hosts explore “rapture” TikTok hysteria, navigating apocalyptic beliefs, and answer listeners’ questions about spirituality, career risks, friendship, personal growth, and fandom. The episode’s tone is humorous, insightful, genuine, and full of real-life stories and camaraderie.

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1. Episode Overview

“Caught Up In The Rapture” centers on the viral TikTok rapture panic that had people quitting jobs, selling houses, and worrying about their pets’ afterlives. Through a mix of humor and empathy, the trio dissects the mental health impact of collective religious anxiety and social media-fueled conspiracy. The episode then pivots to a rich Q&A segment, exploring career transitions, creative risks, emotional well-being, and the group’s dynamic history.

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2. Key Discussion Points & Insights

A. Rapture Hysteria: Social Media & Mental Health

• TikTok Rapture Panic: The hosts recount the viral belief that the world would end and the righteous would be “raptured” on that very day.
  • Dustin highlights clips from TikTok, ranging from sincere rapture predictions to viral comedic responses.
  • Example concern: “She hoped heaven got a HIPAA policy because she don't want nobody knowing how she got there.” (Rayshanda, [03:10])
  • People were genuinely worried about everything, including the fate of their pets post-rapture.
• Consequences of Conspiratorial Thinking:
  • Not just a laughing matter—real-world consequences: people quitting jobs, selling homes, and even harming pets.
  • Dustin cites TikToker TizzyEnt's warning: “There’s always a dark backlash...when these foolish ass things like this...never come to fruition.” ([08:01])
  • The hosts draw parallels to historical end-times panics (Y2K, Mayan calendar) and discuss emotional fallout for believers when nothing happens.
• Humor as Coping:
  • The hosts roast over-the-top rapture preparations, like making time-capsule TikToks for “left behind” friends, or leaving iPhone passcodes “for God.”
  • “She was saying, take a picture of the passcode and put it as a screensaver on your phone so God and them can get in there...” ([09:11], Dustin)
  • Dustin: “I woke up today and played that Tony! Toni! Toné! – 'Do you know what today is?' Because I was happy to be here.” ([11:19])
• Spiritual Theories and Dogma:
  • Discussion about rapture interpretations, existential questions about pets in heaven, and the variety of beliefs around afterlife scenarios.
  • Fran: “I never saw anyone walking a Yorkie or Frenchie in my heaven dreams when I've thought about it.” ([05:58])

B. Mental Health & Social Media Impacts

• The group unpacks how belief in online conspiracy or apocalypse can unearth deep anxieties, and why it's important to cultivate boundaries and rationality.
  • “Try... not to get caught up in nothing extreme. Just try.” ([17:55], Dustin)
  • The Bible says “you don't know the day nor the hour.” ([18:02], Fran)

C. Listener Q&A: Life, Growth, and Taking Risks

• Introducing New Listeners:
  • Recommended episodes for new listeners: Natalia Grace (“just us being 100% unfiltered, authentic, just reacting”) and Epigenetics (more serious topics). ([76:19])
• Dream Guests:
  • Nick Cannon ("I would love to talk to him about all the things he’s done” — Dustin, [79:30]); Osho (Fran); Love Island contestants (Asanté).
• Career and City Moves:
  • Dustin and Asanté share stories of moving to New York after breakups or life transitions.
  • Fran recounts transformative experiences living in Brazil—her happiest year, learning how changing environment can change your life ([101:49]).
• Making Risky Decisions:
  • All three get vulnerable about leaving jobs for creative pursuits:
    • Dustin: Acted in a film that could jeopardize family relationships but led to meaningful connections ([119:23]).
    • Asanté: Quitting restaurant jobs to focus on the show after years of side-hustling ([116:46]).
    • Fran: Gave up proximity to industry events by moving to Oregon, but found more happiness—and even more career success ([122:12]).
  • “You have to have a plan... Don’t put yourself in a worse position… Set yourself up before you quit.” ([132:03], Dustin)
• Handling Internet Critique:
  • The hosts stress the importance of supporting each other in real life, ignoring trolls, and keeping unity in the face of virality or negative discourse.
  • “I check in with my friends. Are you good? Do you need anything? That’s where I’m gonna focus.” ([160:23], Fran)

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3. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On TikTok Rapture Videos:
  • “She was like, I hope heaven got a HIPAA policy because I don’t want nobody knowing how I got there.” ([03:10], Dustin quoting Rayshanda)
• On Real-world Consequences:
  • “Some people have killed their pets. This is real going on.” ([07:25], Dustin)
• On Pets in Heaven:
  • “I just never thought about swatting flies in heaven...do we just let them crawl all over us in our food?” ([05:59], Dustin)
• On Social Media Trendiness & Backlash:
  • “What happens after today?... People that were so focused on today and what today meant—what happens when they see that it’s just another day? What happens to them mentally?” ([08:49], Fran)
• On Faith and Individual Experience:
  • “It’s always funny to me when people make it so individual... my God knows I love my goats, girl.” ([13:44], Dustin)
• On Taking Creative/Career Risks:
  • “You’ll have the anxiety of financial woes in addition to figuring out your creative... If you can relieve yourself of that by implementing a plan ahead of time, I strongly suggest you do that.” ([133:17], Dustin)
  • “I believed in my talent... but I had to figure it out because this is all the money I got.” ([149:45], Fran)
• On Friendship & Support:
  • “The people in your real life know who you are, and they love you and they’re always going to be there.” ([166:22], Fran)
• On Professionalism Amidst Internet Drama:
  • “It’s not difficult because we’re professionals... I have enough respect for my friends’ professional efforts as well to handle their affairs with care.” ([157:40], Dustin)

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4. Highlighted Segments with Timestamps

• Rapture TikTok Hysteria & Humor: [01:41]–[17:52]
  • Includes discussion of viral videos, faith, pets, and social fallout.
• Mental Health Reflection on Social Media/Conspiracy: [07:58], [18:02]
• Listener Q&A (Life, Risks, Friendship, Fame, Career):
  • Recommended Episodes for New Listeners: [76:19]
  • Dream Guests & Bucket List Conversations: [79:06]
  • Career Transitions/Quitting Jobs: [119:23], [122:12], [131:49]
  • Experiences Living Abroad: [101:49], [103:23]
  • Internet Critique & Friendship Protection: [157:40], [160:23], [166:22]
• Pure Comedy (Heaven with Pets, Future Music Video Worlds, etc):
  • Animal Heaven Questions: [20:31]
  • Music Videos You’d Live In: [193:24]
• Advice for Creatives & 9-5s: [132:03]

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5. Listener Engagement & Feedback

• Deep appreciation for the supportive Friend Zone community—the show’s lore, inside jokes, and running gags are beloved and frequently referenced by listeners.
• Listeners contributed thoughtful questions ranging from personal to philosophical to hilarious.

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6. Overall Tone & Takeaways

• Tone: Playful, irreverent, but also warm, thoughtful, and empowering.
• Main Takeaways:
  • Social media-fueled panic can have real—and dangerous—effects; be mindful about what you consume and believe.
  • Support systems, humor, and self-reflection are essential for mental health in turbulent or absurd times.
  • Taking calculated risks for happiness and fulfillment is necessary—but “always have a plan.”
  • True friendship means caring for each other privately and not getting entangled in online drama.
  • The key to creative/career success? Faith in yourself, planning, and choosing environments (and people) that help you thrive.

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7. Final Words

This episode is both a hilarious exploration of viral doomsday absurdities and a rich, heartfelt discussion about personal growth, faith, resilience, and creative fulfillment. Whether you’re curious about how to survive a TikTok apocalypse or want inspiration for making bold life decisions, “Caught Up In The Rapture” will keep you laughing and thinking.

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Stay black and protect your magic. ([199:46], Asante)

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Gonna put you on nephew. All right.

[B]

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I miss?

[A]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years now. It's back. We need snack wraps.

[C]

What's a snack wrap?

[A]

It's the return of something great. Snack wrap is back. Welcome to the friend zone.

[B]

Every time I'm in the zone, my name is Dustin. I'm Francesca, also known as. Hey friend.

[A]

Hey.

[C]

My name is Asante. This is the friend zone.

[A]

That's right, yeah. I don't know if y' all know like I know but you be on Tik tok so you might be in the mix too. I've seen this onslaught of people who for some reason, whatever reason, have just decided, taken it upon themselves and con and have developed a conviction that the world is going to end on today and we're going to be raptured.

[C]

Okay, you just caught it, friend.

[A]

The fact that she started laughing tells us exactly what we need to know. Now disclaimer this disclaimer before we get started because I don't want no trouble, right? I like to live my life my way. I like to allow everybody else to live their life their way. So this is by no means an attack on anybody's face, anybody's people free will. I was for a minute and then I started watching them video. So like I said, this is not this by no Means.

[B]

Wait, the pre or the post rapture videos? I need to know.

[A]

Oh darling pre. I'm talking about the ones when people were serious, not the funny ones because those been funny too. Shout out to Rayshanda who is one of the funniest people on the Internet and her rapture video where she said that she hoped heaven got a HIPAA policy because she don't want nobody knowing how she got there.

[C]

Second of all, she's amazing.

[A]

She said she wanted to know about the meet and greets and who was planning the activities because she wanted to see Whitney Houston.

[B]

What is happening now? People are selling homes.

[A]

They sure were. So let's get into it. I'mma play two clips and then we're going to talk about how ridiculous this is. Okay, so hold on one second.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie. I was having some doubts. The enemy definitely sowed a seed and I was going some other places. But the Lord has shown up and confirmed to me yet again what he showed me from the beginning. We have to get raptured. A feast of trumpets. If you disagree, that's okay. Take it to the Lord. Delete me, block me, whatever you want to do. But I have to be true to.

[C]

To who I am to the Lord.

[B]

I have to be obedient because if I'm not, I don't even want to know the consequences.

[A]

Okay, so that's one. She said she don't even want to know the consequences. Mind you, this is someone who professes to have a spirit led understanding of the scripture that moved her to that chorus, singing us, telling us what you know, that she. You just got to follow yourself. And she also closed that video by saying she would quote, see us in the clouds in five days. Okay. She was dead serious. Now you may ask, because this, there's a lot that goes and you can't just move to heaven, you know what I'm saying? Much like here you got to have roadway. Piece of cake. You know, somebody got to help you do it. You got to pack things up. It's a lot of things to be considered. One of the things that I didn't think about when I thought about going up to yonder was pets. So let's take a listen to what one of the women had to say about pets.

[B]

So I'm like, what is going to happen if we're raptured to my four precious babies who are very much a part of my family. And so I've been really. That's been heavy. You know, it's like I'm Ready to go. But I have this. I have longing for the people that are going to be left behind, you know, because they've rejected Jesus, but also my dogs. And so I know that there's many people who love their dogs and this is the same worry for them. But the only thing that I can come to and what the Lord has given me is that he is a good father and he loves animals, all of his creation, just as much as he loves us. And so I've just been praying like, lord, if the dogs don't get to go, you know, that you would send someone you would care for them, you know, because he knows that I love my dogs. He knows you love your dog, but it does. It kind of steals a little bit of the joy because, yeah, I've been a little bit more patient, God forgive.

[A]

Me, with all of the things that are wrong with the world today, all of the things that people are suffering through, all of the things that environmentally are in disarray with the earth, all the things that are pressing life, life saving, in some cases, concerns. Right. This woman wants to know who's going to look after her dogs in the Rapture. Because in her mind, there's still a down here and up there and the dogs. Out of all the things to be worried about her dogs, who's going to look after her dogs? Because you have to be patient with them. That's what she said while the other lady said we're gonna meet her in the clouds in five days. I don't know about you, but when I've thought about heaven, I have never thought about animals. I haven't. I haven't thought that we'd be on Earth. We're going to be up in the clouds. I never saw anyone walking a Yorkie or Frenchie in my heaven dreams when I've thought about it. I'm not sure if you all have.

[B]

Seen out a pet owner.

[A]

Cats in heaven, I've never seen. Are we going to be stepping on ants up there or do we just let them crawl all over us in our food? What's the difference? How are things going to work? And that's what I would like to know from these people that have just decided that during the festival of Trumpets, which I think what they think this time that we're living in is we're going to be raptured. Okay? And today's the day.

[B]

Do you know?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

That's what I'm always.

[A]

People have quit jobs. They've quit jobs. They have. They have some People have sold homes. Some people have killed their pets. This is real going on. People have sacrificed their pets. And I was watching this guy Tizzy whose his tweets I love and I think his tick. He's a TikToker too. Tizzy Ent I believe is his name. I can't think of it. He's an older white gentleman. He's always cracking down on like racism. People who are like Karens. And he always is like doing a lot of good work. You know what I'm talking about?

[B]

Beard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yep, yep.

[A]

He made a great point. No, no, no, he, he's good. Yeah. He's like, oh, he made a video where he was saying that this, that while this is funny and it's utterly ridiculous, right? But he was saying that it actually is dangerous because there are people who fully believe this. Right. And are uprooting their lives. And then after that there's usually a backlash of, well, my kids were supposed to be with God, so let me get them there then, you know, things like that happen. He was saying that that behavior is not uncommon when these foolish ass things like this that people have just created never come to fruition, never happened. He was saying that there's always a, you know, a very dark backlash to that sometimes with people's behaviors and stuff.

[C]

That was my everything.

[A]

They got on you.

[B]

Like what happens after today? Right. People that were so focused on today and what today meant, what happens when they see that it's just another day. Like what happens to them mentally?

[C]

Right.

[B]

That's why when you said you were watching videos, I was like, pre or post? Because I'm like, what are they talking about? Like, oh, it's Tuesday. Nothing happened.

[A]

I'm talking about they've been so confident in their tick tock videos. One lady was saying how everybody needs to unlock their cell phones and take a picture of the cold passcode and put them on because apparently in heaven we still don't have to charge phones and be on wifi. So she was saying, what do you mean? Take a picture and put it as a screensaver on your phone of the passcode so that God them can get in there and we can know how to alert people and all that kind of stuff. Yep.

[B]

I was trying not to laugh.

[C]

I just caught the post. I didn't catch.

[B]

You caught people that are like disappointed.

[C]

That it didn't happen at midnight.

[A]

Was it like Y2K? Is that what.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

So was it like a clock strikes? Was it like Cinderella, like doing the clock strikes to it? I. I Just saw people society turn into the punk.

[C]

I mean, I'm just saying, I saw the post afterwards. I didn't even know that this was ongoing.

[B]

Oh, that this was happening.

[C]

Yeah. You know how you see things on TikTok that are trends today that have been actually on TikTok for, like, years? Like, I just thought that.

[B]

Yeah, it didn't come up on my FYP personally, but I saw so many people cracking jokes about it on Twitter. That's how I came to see, like, what was happening. But my thing is, people have been throwing dates like this out there since we were forever. I have always heard, oh, November 10th. You know what I mean? It's like, where do these dates come from?

[A]

This one lady says. This one lady said that it was a scripture in the book of Amos, right? Now, the Bible is how old. It's a scripture in the book of Amos. This lady was like, you guys. And it's right here. It's been in front of our face the whole time. If you look up the word day, it actually means time in the original language. And so that could mean that at any point it could just go black outside. And it's right there. It's been there all along, guys. In the book of Angels, I was like, that's the thing.

[B]

Like, did it say, have your 20th? Tuesday, September 23, 2025 I'm coming back.

[A]

Rayshonda shop, AIF or whatever she said. She said, we ain't got a email, a voice note or nothing from JC or Sky Daddy. She said, we ain't got nothing. But for some reason, these people have believed that. So we are very much on Artisha Campbell. We still here. And I can tell you, as a person who will for sure be getting caught up in the rapture, because I've done all the bad stuff, right? And according to some of y', all, I've done the worst thing you can do, you know? So as a person who definitely would have been going downstairs on the elevator, I can tell you that Justin Boss, you know, I woke up today and played that. Tony, Tony, Tony. Do you know what today is? You know what I'm saying? Because I was happy to be here.

[B]

I understand in the Rapture, do the good people leave or do the good people stay?

[A]

What's the depends on what church you go to. Some people believe that the good inhabit the earth, you know what I'm saying? And. And everybody else dies. Some people believe that only a select few number of people are going up to a heavenly existence. Other people believe that when you Die. You go to heaven if you were good, and you go to hell if you were bad. Other people believe all the good people go to heaven. And the bad people that stayed here to toil told the land till the land.

[B]

Well, maybe a rapture happened.

[C]

Because if everything's on fire, what are.

[A]

We going to be doing with the land? You know what I'm saying? And who's. It's just questions. I have pressing questions. Will there be a heaven, Dash, you know, or. You know what I'm saying? Like, how we gonna eat? Cause ain't nothing wrong with wings. You can't have wings no more. And how. I just. It's. I got questions. And so, like, I just think this is so funny. And I am laughing at some people because this one lady got on TikTok.

[B]

She got me thinking, though.

[A]

She got on TikTok and she was like, all we can do is just encourage everybody. Just run the cheese. Wear your stuff. She was like, wear your stuff.

[C]

You see this?

[A]

And she pointed at her hat and it was like some cursive writing in the shape of a cross that said, like, have faith or something. She was like, wear your Jesus stuff and just wear it out. Wear your Jesus shirts.

[B]

Please stop it. Not your merch.

[A]

It was so funny to me because there's so many people on the face of the earth and. And although, yes, your relationship with God or whatever you believe is going on is very personal, it's just always funny to me when people make it so individual. And they.

[C]

And like, she's.

[B]

I haven't.

[A]

My God knows. I love my goats, girl. It is. Have you seen what's going on around the world right now?

[C]

That's the same.

[A]

He ain't thinking about your fucking goat. And so it just. And that just is just funny to me. And then the fact that they're doing. I'm making this video. Hold on, I gotta show you all this.

[C]

Because this one girl was like, I.

[B]

Need to look up the post rapture conversation.

[A]

She's like, I'm making this video so that if you've seen this in the past and I'm giving it to you for the future to let you know what happened. And they will say that we have been caught up. We are not lost, we are in heaven, and we have been. That's like. That's what she was talking as if somehow through the rapture, her video is going to be the piece of information.

[B]

The time capsule. This is.

[A]

I have been, when I tell you, thoroughly entertained. It. I ain't miss my Disney Plus, I'm still canceled. I've been watching Tick Tock. That's what. I've been enjoying it. Okay. This whole time, because these people are.

[B]

I need to call Maya and ask her her thoughts on this. She's my Christ council.

[A]

Yeah, Maya, you know, Maya just believe in the Bible. These people right here, this is.

[B]

No, these people went, yeah. Wow. But, you know, I don't know.

[A]

You know, it's today. Well, I feel like the. Out of the three of us, y' all would make it before I would, you know, say if. But I might be okay because I'm up front. You know what I'm saying? It's not like I'm hiding anything.

[B]

He finds you fun. He got fun.

[A]

He does.

[C]

And he.

[A]

And he knows I'm respectful. He or she or they. Whatever's going on, it knows that I'm respectful. And you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Like I tell you, my mom, my mom be like, Dustin is nasty, but he's so funny.

[A]

Hi, mama friend. We love you. And I'm sorry.

[B]

It was sex joke.

[A]

I'll be forgetting. Shout out to my family, my aunts and stuff. Be like, cussing is a lot, but you know, oh, my God. But yeah, y' all crazy, y'.

[B]

All. You know what? I'm sorry to everybody that.

[A]

That it didn't happen.

[B]

I woke up this morning and still home. But you know what? Maybe they believe. Maybe they. Maybe they believe it so deeply that they're like, okay, like they think they're in a different plane now.

[A]

That's even worse. That's even worse. That's a step lower in the sinking of mental health. That's even worse. Like, they are gone. You hear me? Gone. And. But still on TikTok and still using the things of the world. I just don't like. What makes you think any of this is going to be what that is? If there is something else, you know what I'm saying? Like, you're not taking this with you. And you're not gonna be. Then you ain't supposed to be Longing for the world left behind. Now you know where I grew up at. Oh, you know, I remember all 66 of them books. And it was against the rules to have a longing for the things of the past when you go up there. So that lady saying that she, you know, I'm gonna miss some of the people didn't come. You getting turned away and ain't no real. That's another thing. Rayshanda said she wanted to know if it was re entry and she wanted to know. She said she had to know about the visitation because she knew it was some people that would go make it. But could she at least go talk to them at the gate?

[C]

Now she was gonna hook folks up with snacks.

[A]

She had me rolling. But anyway, so shout out to everybody that made it through the rapture. That didn't happen.

[B]

Shout out to everybody and just please.

[A]

Y', all, like, have your beliefs, but just try your best not to get caught up in nothing extreme. That's all I' ma say. Just try.

[B]

And I saw the Bible folks being like, the Bible says you don't know the day. Like, it says that. Right. I. I can't speak to that because I'm not someone that is familiar with the Bible in that way where I can, like, quote it, say it.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

But, yeah, wow.

[A]

It says that you never know the day nor the time, nor the hour.

[B]

And so then.

[A]

Because. You know why, friend? Because every now, out of all the years that this text has been used as a reference or a compass for people's life and. And what's. And. And also as a moral compass, like something that literally judges was deemed right and wrong. What makes these hoes on TikTok in Utah and Iowa think that they have figured out of the people who have. There are literally courses of study, Bible scholars, scholars. People who have studied not just the Bible, but other texts that are deemed and perceived to be holy and worthy in that way. They have studied these things in and out for years. And you think God put it on your heart and revealed it to you. Okay, okay, okay. Huh? I got your number, Husy. Okay. That's why I sleep in on Sundays. You know what I'm saying? Like, I just can't be getting caught up in all of that. I can't.

[B]

I got a bunch sleeping on Sunday.

[A]

For real. That's why. That's why I sleep in on Sundays, because I can't be caught up in that. I cannot. And it just. It is scary to me that people make that leap. It's been people who we actually all know personally. I'll fill in the name later. Maybe I'll send it to the group check. Who have succumbed to all of that. These theories, these conspiracy theories, QAnon, all that. It's all the same.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

You know, so, like, it just. It's a lot. But I'm. Like I said, I'm on my. Tisha Campbell. I'm still here. And if anybody was going to be gone, I was going to be in that net. I could tell you that for sure.

[B]

The people that were. No, but the people that were like, if it's real, finally, please, Lord, because we tired.

[A]

Enough is enough.

[B]

I think everybody had a little part that was like, well, if it's true, I think we ready because people is tired out here. Shit is crazy. Everything.

[A]

Do y' all see heaven?

[B]

Just exhausted.

[A]

When y' all see heaven, do you see people with. With dogs?

[B]

Why is this such a thick.

[A]

Personally? Yeah, I just never thought.

[C]

You've never seen the movie.

[A]

I don't think it's the same.

[B]

Where you think they go, oh, you think there's like an animal.

[A]

It's species specific, right? Because the needs are different. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's.

[C]

It's different.

[A]

I don't know. I just never thought about that. I never thought about swatting flies in heaven and you know what I'm saying?

[B]

But maybe that may having their chill, like, they're not going to be like trying to get on your food and maybe.

[C]

But I would want. If I was. Look, if I were a dog, I would want to be in a separate heaven, cuz, you know, like, y' all my folks, right? We don't really know milk bones. Like, we can't actually talk to dogs like dogs. They can talk and play with each other, but maybe you can, right? In heaven, maybe the dogs talk.

[B]

Yeah. Different.

[A]

Well, I definitely think. Think they're not going to be all right being leashed and told to sit and fetch. You know what I'm saying? If that's the case, you can forget your dog experience. I'm sorry. I don't believe that you're gonna be up in heaven with a carrier. You know what I'm saying? I just.

[C]

I just get their own spot.

[B]

You know what? I don't. I don't believe they will show up there as these forms. You remember that movie? Do you remember that movie?

[A]

Never mind.

[B]

Y' all remember that movie where the girl, this is gonna age me, But I know y' all have seen it. I can't remember. I don't know if it was called Cocoon and they were these light beams.

[A]

That would come out of the body.

[B]

Was it called Cocoon?

[A]

It was called Cocoon and I'm trying to think who was in it. It was definitely called Cocoon.

[B]

Right? Okay, so you know what I'm talking about. And they would be these light beam. Right? We old as fuck. Because that's a very old movie.

[A]

Cocoon. And it was a big deal. Cocoon was a big deal.

[C]

I remember the name But I didn't watch it.

[A]

It was a block.

[C]

Once I saw the year, I was.

[A]

Like, oh, it was, wasn't it? It was a blockbuster. It was a huge, huge film.

[C]

This is so funny that you watched.

[B]

You looked it up.

[C]

It's a sci fi comedy. Was it a comedy Oscar winning or Oscar winning fantasy?

[B]

Looking at.

[A]

I don't remember being a comedy.

[B]

I didn't even know. Yeah. I'm like, was it a comedy?

[C]

1985. Is this the same?

[A]

Yeah, that's the poem.

[B]

I was very small for some reason. I remember watching this movie with my family, probably one of my cousins. Yeah.

[C]

Oscar winning fantasy in which the residents of a Florida rest home get a new lease of life when they stumble across an alien fountain of youth in a disused holiday home. Unbeknown to them, aliens have been using the swimming pool in the house to store their cocooned brethren, giving the waters a powerful, rejuvenating quality.

[B]

We should watch that.

[A]

You know what we should for the bins? Yep. Cocoon.

[B]

I bet. I bet you it looks like in 2025 we watch a cocoon. But if you know what movie that is, I feel like that's what it would be. We'd just be these light beams, like all this, you know, meat. What people call it, meat suits. And like, the being a dog, being a human being, like, that stays down here. I think we just be beaming up there or wherever, so.

[A]

Because I'm gonna be cute. I've always loved lights, you know what I'm saying? Y' all know I love neon lights and stuff. That's how I know mine is gonna be bright, you know, like a marquee.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

But yes, prayers.

[A]

We caught up in the rapture, I guess. Hell, we ain't even here, I guess. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Well. Which I think, honestly, if all the people. Okay.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I've always felt like if all the fun stuff is bad and all the people that like to do all the fun stuff going to the same place that's bad, then it'd be. It's hot in the club anyway, you know what I'm saying? Red lights are sweating. Yeah. And who don't like a fire pit, you know what I'm saying? Who don't like to sit around that and have good conversation, you know what I'm saying? Like, you just. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's. I just don't see.

[B]

I know the devil listening to this segment.

[A]

Like, he took his little horn he took his little horn hands and said.

[C]

I don't know, there's just something very appealing to me about central air.

[A]

He took his little fan.

[C]

I'll be kicking it with Lisa Ray and Dej Lo.

[A]

You know, they'll be there, they'll be there, they'll be there. Lisa Ray gonna go just for everything she did and said in Players Club. Because that was still you doing it at Days Loaf. If I'm going, you know, she going, okay, because she under the umbrella.

[B]

Yeah, we're crazy as. But yes, Rapture.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? Like, how's it going? Are we going to. Is it going to be like group transpone? Is it going to be like, are we getting snatched up out this? Like, what's going to happen?

[B]

I remember Maya said she felt like you there's just certain people you're just not going to see anymore. And the trick. And she. I remember she said this to me. She was like. And the crazy part is you won't know which side you're on.

[A]

I think I'm gonna know.

[B]

You just gotta look around like, you hear Monique.

[A]

Oh, damn. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Like, the boys say, we're cooked.

[A]

Soon as I get down there, I hear Kya gag on. I'm like.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Shit. Okay, what am I doing? Okay, what I'm gonna do? What am I do? What I'm gonna do? Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm just gonna keep to myself.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

No, I'm gonna keep to myself.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[B]

That's so fucking funny. He looking around like, right?

[A]

And you know you gonna have your hands on your face. Cause you're gonna be in peril.

[B]

You gonna be like, God.

[A]

Oh God.

[C]

Is her trying to wipe away her tears. And you want your hair to your face acting like she doing it too. Oh my God.

[B]

This is so funny.

[C]

This is awful.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Carly Red. You know what I'm saying? Like, you just. It's going to be one of them situations.

[B]

All right?

[A]

My hippopaya.

[B]

My hippie is crazy.

[A]

Everybody on Love island going to hell. You already know everybody. Everybody.

[B]

Shit. All right, y' all ready to get this show started?

[C]

Please.

[A]

Welcome to the Friends.

[B]

It's funny because I just read an article literally this week about a famous actor who was saying that the key to his successful marriage is keeping a queen size mattress in his bedroom. And there was a lot of discourse around that because it said it's hard to be mad at each other when you're butt to butt. All night. And I thought that was so funny. But in this house, we have had a queen mattress and we're over it. We wanted a king mattress. And so when we started partnering with Lisa, it was literally the perfect time. I looked through all the different options that they had and I love how now buying a mattress is just such a journey, right? They have something for your body type, whether you want to sleep with a cooler mattress because you get hot flashes. You know, a lot of us are perimenopausal right now. They have things for considering your height, considering your weight. I mean, there's just so detail put into mattress purchasing now. And I really appreciated that. Sometimes though, it can feel overwhelming, but I love that Lisa, although they offer so many options, there aren't a ton of mattresses either that you have to sift through and become completely overwhelmed by. For me, it was pretty easy. Y' all know, I'm super intentional about what comes into my home. So I chose the natural hybrid king size mattress. Of course I did that, Considered a lot of the fibers, a lot of what was put into the mattress, and what that will in turn bring into your home. Leesa has a lineup of beautifully crafted mattresses tailored to how you sleep without the luxury price tag. That's the best part. Each mattress is designed with specific sleep positions and feel preferences in mind. From night one, you'll feel the difference. There's premium materials that deliver serious comfort and full body support no matter how you sleep. And Lisa has been tested and awarded best best hybrid mattress by the New York Times Wirecutter and is exclusively featured by West Elm, which I know is my favorite as their go to mattress partner. Lisa isn't just about sleep, it's about impact. They donate thousands of mattresses each year to those in need, while also partnering with organizations like Clean Hub to help remove harmful plastic waste from our oceans. So if you're interested and you need to re up that mattress, I suggest you go to Lisa.com for 25% off plus you' extra $50 off with promo code friend. And that's exclusive to our listeners. That's L E-E S a.com promo code FRIEND for 25% off plus an extra $50 off. Be sure to enter our show name after checkout so they know that we sent you Lisa.com promo code friend.

[A]

The first few weeks of school are in the books and now is the perfect time to keep that momentum going. IXL helps kids stay confident and ahead of the IXL is an award winning online learning platform. That helps kids truly understand what they're learning, whether they're brushing up on the math or if they're diving into social studies. It covers math, it covers language arts, it covers science and social studies too, all the way from Pre K through 12th grade with content that's engaging, personalized. And yeah, it's actually fun too. And in case you didn't know, IXL is used in 96 of the top 100 school districts in the U.S. i know how well IXL works, as in an aid and a supplement to what your kids are already learning because my family members have used it. I have some bad kids in my family, okay? And they needed a little help to sit down somewhere and focus. And IXL aided them greatly in that way. Now you can make an impact on your child's learning and get IXL now. And the Friend Zone listeners can get an exclusive 20% off IXL membership when they sign up today at ixl.com friendzone visit ixl.com friendzone to get the most effective learning program out at the best price. All right, y', all, look, the weather is cooling down, the days are getting shorter, and I want to be at home. And I know I'm not alone, although I'm alone in my own home. But that's another conversation. Listen. As your trusted destination for all things home, Wayfair has everything that you need to cozify your space this fall. And that's everything from comfy recliners to warm beds, wedding and autumn decor. There's something for every style in every home, no matter your space or your budget. Wayfair's even got espresso makers, y', all, so you can make that latte or that espresso martini right there at the crib. You know the one. Wayfair makes it easy to achieve your home goals with curated collections and room ideas, plus free hassle, free delivery even on large furniture. And listen, I just copped a beautiful all modern like three tier table that I had my eye on for a minute. It, I got it from Wayfair. It came. You know, I'm headstrong and stubborn, so I put it together myself and I'm looking at it. I could just be so proud of my blood, sweat and tears. But even if I didn't want to do that, they have so many options for home assembly, delivery straight to your door. It's incredible. I love my table. In fact, you may be seeing it soon around these parts. You can cosify your space with Wayfair's curated collection of Easy, affordable fall updates. From comfy recliners to cozy bedding and autumn decor. Find it all for way [e-mail] that's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[B]

How were your weekends?

[A]

Heaven on earth. I had a good weekend with the exception of Sunday though. Sunday my allergies were really bothering me. I worked all weekend, which was great, but Sunday my allergies were bothering me and I ended up sleeping through the entire day. I woke up at like 7:00pm off.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

That's how I know ain't no dogs up there. Because I had a good dream. But anyway. But anyway, anyway, what I did make it to, I went to everyday people. It was the last everyday people of the summer here in New York at Pier 17 rooftop which is down in like the South Street Seaport. And it's an incredible memories. Incredible. Pier 17 is incredible. It's like a big ass rooftop. Like huge. Like, like a parking hot huge, you know. Oh my. That bridge is so sexy. I was feeling hot too.

[B]

I bet.

[A]

I had a good time. So shout out to everybody that was there and we seen some. It was like that. We seen some. I seen. I just, I saw what is. I guess I'm in hell. We already been rapture, so who cares about being articulate and having addiction. It I seen, I saw a bunch of people that listened to our show. But I met these two girls that I remember and they were so sweet. And what was so funny was they was like, y' all raised us. We was. We've been listening since middle school.

[B]

Oh my God, why would you listen?

[A]

That's what I said. But I was like, you know, I was watching Minister Society and in school that I wasn't supposed to be too, so whatever. But. And so the girls was like, we. Y' all raised us. Then I was like, well, y' all better know how to cuss a out. And they was like, we do.

[B]

We do.

[A]

So shout to those beautiful young ladies that were at everyday people. And we thank you and everybody else for listening to the show.

[B]

That's so sweet. That was as part of preparing today's episode, which is y' all already know is the Q and A conversation today. I love all the sweet comments where some people were like, I don't have a question. I just want to say, you know. And one, there was a listener named Veronica. I remember they said, I saw Dustin on the train and he's so fine and he could dress she Was like, shout out to y'. All. Like, people were just so excited. I told you, I appreciate you all on the train. And they were shocked because they're like, what? What is this happening? Are you here in the fucking three train headed to Brooklyn, but super fresh off of pdx. Fresh off pdx. So, you know, we love y'. All. It's always fun.

[A]

We do always say hello. We love that. So we can say thank you.

[B]

Absolutely, 1000%. What about you, Asante? Would you get into this weekend? Your favorite question, right?

[C]

It's funny that we are talking about this because I was at Walmart this weekend and the Walmart that I was at, I was literally in the aisle having a fit.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

And I got recognized.

[B]

Oh, no.

[C]

So shout out to y'.

[A]

All. Backup.

[C]

No, because no, it was. It wasn't like a fit. It was like, why there wasn't shit up in there. And I never. I've seen that shit. You know, when you're in New York and at Target, y' all know which Target I'm talking about. That ain't got shit up in. It's. Well, it's a couple of targets that ain't got shit up in them in the city.

[B]

The Harlem one, not a Santa sc. And then it's so dang far away because you pissed that you walked all the way over there.

[A]

I don't even go down there no more. I just go to Costco, that same building.

[C]

Well, child, I was at the Walmart. I chose the wrong Walmart. I didn't know that that happens. I felt like every Walmart is overstocked and got too much.

[A]

But I swear to God, I was just about to say I've never had an issue with stock at a Walmart. Walmart always have stuff and things.

[C]

But you know what?

[A]

Ain't nobody going to Target right now.

[B]

Ah, that's true, that's true. So people are doubling, tripling up in Walmart. I didn't grow up on Walmart because we didn't have that in the city. So I don't really know much about it. Walmart now.

[C]

Memories of being bad in Walmart. Like I have. I remember like riding the bikes in the aisles at the Walmart. I remember doing in the shoe section because of the little mirrors and like.

[A]

Don'T let me find a football or something in that.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yep.

[A]

Cats and dodgeball with whatever bar you could find.

[C]

Just going to sit on the couches and like put stuff in the storage and hide shit in the store. Like, I just remember being bad and.

[A]

The spray paint aisle, which I always love.

[C]

Oh, yeah, that was just so.

[A]

It was just cool rust oleum.

[C]

You just saw, that's really the culture.

[B]

That must really be the culture of Walmart, because now I know Walmart obviously a little better from living out here. And when I would go with the boys during the summer, that was kind of the understanding that they'd just run off. Off?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I'd go and do what I'm doing and they'd run off and then they'd come find me when we were checking out. So I guess that's the fun just being bad. So through the aisles.

[A]

Another reason I'm going downstairs on the day of the Rapture, but go ahead.

[C]

Yeah, but I didn't get the. That I wanted out of there, but so I had to go to the vitamin shop. So I've been trying to think about my health. I have vitamins.

[B]

Amen.

[C]

I am adulting more and more.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Don't they spell it? S, H, O, P, E. I love that.

[B]

Y. Vitamins.

[A]

I love that.

[C]

Yeah, I got new plates, so I'm trying to be like an adult. Yep, adulting.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

What kind of plates did you get out, out of curiosity?

[C]

Just some basic. Well, actually, they're not plates, they're little bowls. Just some really, like, nice white bowls. Like, I had some.

[B]

I always need some nice class.

[C]

Some black. Black plastic ones that I microwave all the times. But I, like, wanted, like, some like, really nice, just basic ones, so they're cool.

[A]

All my dishes are clear glass. All my dishes.

[B]

Really? What's the brand?

[C]

Mikasa?

[A]

Oh, yes. Classic M I K A S A. Yeah.

[C]

I was like, oh, this is so cute, you know? Absolutely.

[A]

That's a good. That's a good brand, Mikasa.

[C]

Like kitchen essentials, but, like slightly elevated, you know what I'm saying? So I was like, okay, this is cute. Cute.

[B]

Super cute. I love that friend.

[C]

How was your weekend?

[B]

It was good. I. We went to see him. Is that what it's.

[A]

What'd you think?

[C]

I wanted to see it, but I saw the reviews and usually that doesn't sway me.

[B]

I didn't want to see it. I wanted to see weapons, but somehow I ended up seeing him. I don't know how we.

[A]

What you won't do. Do for love, right?

[B]

I'm like, this is okay. And the best part is when it ended. I just look at you.

[A]

Look at you being flexible. Look at you compromising, making it work. That's my girl.

[B]

Like earth and kid compromised. That's how I felt after seeing this.

[A]

Okay, so, Fred, you did not like the film.

[B]

Okay, let me say this. Y' all know I'm a tinfoil. Y' all know I'm a tinfoil because conspiracy. Deep dark. Person of the corners of the YouTube, when the web. I'm into all that. So there were aspects of it that I was like, yes, like, drop the dark about the industry. And as someone that was part of the music industry, I also, yes, dropped the dark about the industry. So I think they had something. I just feel like it wasn't executed well, in my opinion. There are people that loved it. There are people that hated it. I don't hate it. I actually don't think it's as bad as a lot of people are making it out to be. The acting was great, the writing. I just feel like it felt empty. It felt rushed. They literally filmed the whole thing in, like, one house the whole time. Damn near. I don't know if it was a budget thing. I can't even say budget, because it was a beautiful movie, but it just felt like they could have given us so much more with that topic about, like, selling your soul, you know, in the industry and the NFL and. And I don't know. I loved it in terms of what they were trying to do, but I just think it was executed well, and it was hard to.

[A]

That's fair.

[B]

Yeah. And it was hard because it's like Marlon Wayans. It was new for me to see him in this sort of, like, serious role. Yeah. Hyper, masculine. Like, he's, like, cursing people out and beating their ass. You know, it was like. Oh, and that was kind of interesting. But he. I think he did a good job, considering we're so used to him being.

[C]

Performances weren't bad.

[B]

It was cool to see because you just don't. You're not used to seeing Marlon be serious like that, so. But I won't say it's terrible. I just felt like when it ended, I was like, you know when the credits come up and you're like, whoop de do.

[A]

Like on Opus.

[B]

Opus.

[A]

Oh, remember how Opus felt? Like they just ended it? I don't know. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

I don't know how I felt when Opus ended, but I was like, oh, her hair look nice. It did look nice, though. That was the first part.

[A]

The whole movie.

[B]

I will say this, though. I also kind of got thrown off during the movie because at the beginning of it, this white boy walked in with a duffel bag into the theater, into the Theater, a big ass black duffel bag. And we looked over each other and that threw us off for the rest of the movie because we kept. We, like, got up and sat at the seat closest to the exit when we saw that, just in case. Because you just don't know. Especially because the President's been popping off about the city. You just don't know. And it's just America at this point, which is so sad. Right. So I will say I also wasn't able to watch it and just kind of like, watch it because I kept turning my head.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And that kind of killed the whole shit for me. My partner was like, he ain't take out a motherfucking snack from that goddamn duffel bag. Why is he in here?

[C]

Maybe he just got off the plane, right? What?

[A]

You had a leg? You got a layover, nigga. To catch the movie. Like, what is you doing?

[B]

And he sat all the way in the back in the corners, right? So it was, like, hard.

[A]

Was he skinny?

[B]

Yes. And he was in the top corner. I just felt so over. And then I was like, God, that sucks, right? That you can't even, like, go to something chill on the weekend to see a movie without thinking, like, this about to be shot up or something like, America, America is a mess. But that kind of was throwing me off. But outside of that, I didn't think it was terrible, But I really wanted to see Weapons Happens.

[A]

Yeah, you almost did.

[B]

Oh, oh, oh. Terrible joke.

[C]

Oh, Lord.

[A]

I'm sorry. See, that's how I know where I was on my way to. But go ahead.

[B]

But, yeah, so that was. That was part of our weekend. Just trying to have, like, a light, you know, fun little weekend. But, yeah, that was it.

[C]

Wowzers.

[B]

God, he played too much. We love him. Do y' all have any announcements or anything before we jump in? Jump in? Anything y' all want people to know? Asante. I feel like I know what yours is gonna be.

[C]

Yes. I just had a very bad segue and I'm trying to just move forward. I was going to say, for those of you that have been left behind, if you are a member of the gated community. Patreon.com the friends on podcast. If you are listening to this episode, paws up.

[A]

You know they ain't even gonna be begging at that point. Them dogs will.

[B]

What did you do to Saunteo says.

[A]

As you ascending, the episode started to swear.

[C]

Keeping it going. If you are listening to this episode the day that it has dropped the 24th, please join us tonight at 8pm Eastern Standard Time patreon.com the Friendzone podcast we are doing our Wednesday wind down.

[B]

I'm not gonna make it.

[C]

We do it. We do it the last Wednesday of every month. That means.

[A]

And I mean the last Wednesday. Close your eyes. Asante. Come on, man. Come on, man.

[C]

That. For those of you that did not have the chance to send in questions or if your question was not read on this episode, if you're a member of our gated community, you will have an opportunity to join us in the chat. And the chat, you know, we hold you all very near and dear to our heart. That is our special place where we get to talk. You guys usually talk to us, which is so funny. Well, talk with us. To us. All right. Right. Not that type of community. So, yeah. Join us patreon.com the Friend Zone podcast for our Wednesday wind down again. That's 8:00pm Eastern Standard Time, the 24th. That is this September's date. If you are going to be there, if you miss it, we have that on repeat. What's that called?

[B]

It's called the Replay. And it will be available to you on Patreon in the premium tier.

[C]

Hey, friend. Hey song. Ponte Replay. Sorry, I don't know why I wanted to do that.

[A]

Gotta get it out.

[B]

Also, if you get a chance, there is a really great episode that Getting Grown released recently with our sister Crystal. I was supposed to be on that episode. I'm so sad to not be a part of it because it's kind of become like our thing to talk about, you know, as to get together and talk about life and aging and womanhood and all of those things. But it's a great conversation where last year I believe we were talking about like our 20s, things that we learned. And in this episode they focused on their 30s because it was a celebration of Jade's 40th, or they were calling it Jade and kind of welcoming her in. Right to the 40s club. What to look forward to and just to hear from her, to see things that she was excited about or concerned about. Just really embracing her. I love my sisters. So I had to put it out there that the episode is available now on the Getting Grown feed. And so definitely check that out. If you follow them on Patreon, you'll be able to see the whole video. Sadly, I mentioned last week that because of my family, my lone family shout out to y', all, I wasn't able to get on my original flight and had to get on a flight two days later. And that's why I Wasn't able to record with my sisters. And also thank you to everyone that sent. A lot of love about the lone family.

[C]

Yes. Lots of love to the lone family.

[B]

Yeah. A lot of you guys have told me that y' all have been using loan for the past decade, which really warmed my heart. People saying, saying since I first talked about them, even before friendzone and how y' all have been on a subscription service with them or how kind they are and the notes that they send y' all and conversations, customer service that really warmed my heart because like I said, they're good people, but they're good people. Not just to me, but just to anyone they come across. So thank you for your prayers. It's a really challenging time. The mom is really fighting right now. So all the prayers, y' all know how prayers work, work. Just send them. Pray, pray, pray, pray for the family. And outside of that, also support getting grown.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And Crystal and their conversation. I love my sisters, so.

[A]

Yes, we do.

[C]

Sisterhood.

[B]

Sisterhood, right? Okay. I had to put that out there. Dustin Ross, you have the black business of the week that you said you wanted to highlight. Like.

[A]

I sure do. And this one is actually the bag business of the fashion week. Now, let me tell you. So one of my dear friends, Billie Jean, he's a renowned makeup artist and during fashion Week he actually premiered his new line of body oil called Billie Jean Body. So if you go on Instagram, yeah, it's black owned. If you go on Instagram to Billie Jean Body, B I L L I E G E N E E B O D Y, you can access his website. You can see all the branding is very. The, the branding is very sexually charged. The names of the body oils, which all smell good because I smelled them at the premiere event and they all smell good. The names of them are really interesting. And if you go to billiegenebody.com you can actually shop there and check out all that he has to offer. So again, just Billie Jean Body, this is a black owned body oil. It's a body oil line with different scents. I'm just going to read some of the names of the fragrances. Differences. One is called Girl on Girl and it's pink. Then he has one called me, one called Millionaire Sex, one called Harder body, one called 90210 body. So, you know, just check them out. Billie Jean Body, you know, and they smell good. It's very sexy. So do your thing.

[C]

I love those names.

[A]

Shout out to my boy Billy.

[B]

They have sexual me.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, harder you know, all that other shit. And when you see the models, you'll see. Just go to Billie Jeanbody on Instagram or the.com and you will see Shout out to Billy.

[B]

We'll have that link, as always, in the description box. Last week's episode titled do it for the Vine. Who. Who do we Ty? That's the tie. Actually, I think we were struggling with an episode title and Ty jumped in with that one. Shout out to Ty. Even jump jumping in.

[A]

Thank you, Ty.

[B]

And Ty the robot follow Ty. Send him love. He is the magic behind a lot of this show. So last week's episode. Hold on, let me pull that up. We discussed. Oh, it was shoot the. That means there was no hot button segment. No segments at all. Just whatever wanted to come up. And those of you listening had a lot to say. Who stood out to you? Assange?

[C]

Lots of people stood out. First comment, I want to choose out in the Spotify streets. Love C33 says Dustin was talking about Nene Tick Tock content creator who hates JLo.

[B]

Oh my God.

[C]

She. Because that came up that the JLO hate always comes up. She says she also has the catchphrase, imma hold your hand with a napkin in the middle before I tell you. And I thought that was funny. So I want to share that one. One. I also wanted to share this one. Oh, lots of love for Mama T's new book. Thank you to Dustin for that. Darbel D A R B E C L E. I think it's Darbel. Darbel, whatever they say. I started Mama T's book here on Spotify. It's good. It cracked me up because she goes into very long detail about everything. But when we get to Farah, which I didn't know was even gonna come up o it, it literally was like two sentences. And that was the comment. But that just made me laugh because in my mind I'm like, damn, she even made it to the book.

[A]

Because what is it to say?

[C]

Like. But the fact that she even got two sentences is like, that's more than enough.

[A]

Yeah, I'd be proud of that. If I was her, I'd have had.

[C]

A party for the book release. It does give her steam. Last comment that I wanted to share. A lot of people commented, oh, this was the last comment that I wanted to share. Actually. This one's from Liz on the Spotify streets. It says, funny enough, Stacy Abrams, because she came up last week as well. It was a super show.

[B]

Oh my God.

[C]

Do you know what I'm about to say, friend No, I know I did. Okay. Stacy Abrams writes romance novels under the name Selena Montgomery.

[B]

Why did that just.

[C]

Is it that funny? Like, what it says? Yashari 1. It says, Y' all should read one of her books for the situation.

[A]

Oh, we should.

[C]

I'm gonna. I'm gonna look into that. I might. I might do that one because you on it. I'm on it. I have to do some research. I have to see. Because just the fact that Selena Montgomery. That there might be something to it. There might be something to that.

[A]

So I wanted to put that out there.

[C]

Y' all hold me to it. That's it there. Okay.

[B]

Stacey Avis, she wrote it in Alabama.

[A]

What he listen to Biddy bitty bum bum in Birmingham? Selena Montgomery. Selena Montgomery.

[C]

She's like, nah, I can't believe my real name.

[B]

That's so fire.

[C]

Friend, what did you find out there in them streets?

[B]

So on SoundCloud, Stephen Atn said, hilarious. The Friend Zone and the Reed are the only two podcasts I listen to in regular tempo anymore. The cadence of the comedy is important here, here. But I'm actually starting to get nervous because I found myself on Netflix looking for a playback speed option on Peacock. Hulu movies and TV shows are just so slow. This is crazy. And I'm making the effort to go back to normal playback everywhere. So I don't engineer my brain out of normal human communication. That's what's up. It's so true. That's why I was saying that even for me, that I have find myself frustrated by how fast everything is, is. But I'm also equally affected because, like I mentioned, I found myself now, if something is too slow, I'm pressing the screen and I'm like, the fact I even know how to do that. Thanks, TikTok. And people were telling me that now that's available on Instagram, that you can switch the playback speed. That's crazy. I've never done it for a podcast.

[A]

I'm not going to do it. And I actually think, though, that it's really dope that you, as well as the person who sent that comment in, have self awareness. Both of y' all were just like, you know what? I don't like that. I'm developing this, doing that. Yeah. That's what it's all about. That's all you can ask for from people, I think. So, like, that's dope.

[B]

And a lot of our listeners said that they noticed, too. There's a lot of pressure to speak faster or create content that's sped up or even when people put, like, on the screen, press 2x speed, because they know that people are gonna come for them. Cause it's true. You'll see in the comments. This is too slow. Oh, my God. Take fore. Get to the point. And they really do do that. And it's. And. Or that thing I said about the millennial pause where we pause before each point, which I'm like, what? That's a thing? I don't know. I'm a millennial. Maybe I don't realize I do it, but I just think it's so crazy. We can't do this, y'. All. We are going to be fucking wrecks in the next couple years if we keep speeding everything up. What the hell is shit gonna look like? What are movies gonna sound like, Right?

[A]

The chip people.

[B]

Yeah, it's scary to think about.

[C]

People are like computers. And you know how, like, every year or every few years, like, batteries or something, like, needs more power or just needs to be fed more. I feel like people, we all. We always need more information or we always want to consume something. So, like, for a time, it was probably like, writing and books and conversation, but now that we have, like, screens, we're always just watching something. We need to speed it up. And so then when we get off the screen and we're interacting with people, people, you got to speed it up. Like, I remember back in the day with Diddy. Should I not say his name Nowadays, I don't really know how we feel. But he was like, people would talk about him as a music industry professional and how he would view listening to music. He would turn it off if it wasn't interesting in the first, you know, 30, 40 seconds or whatever the. The conversation was. And I feel like people just get accustomed to doing that in every facet. So now it's like, all right, what about when you're making space for a friend? Or what about when you're actually doing some. Some work? I think people lose that because they're so entertained all the time. That becomes their normal in every aspect of their life.

[B]

Yeah. And even not always having. Having to listen to something, that's something that I have been working on because I noticed, and I didn't really realize how much I was leaning on that because I go for walks every day and my headphones were dead, and I. And I almost was like, oh, I can't go on my walk. And then I said, girl, that's crazy. You can't go on your walk because your headphones are dead. Or not wanting to go to gym because my headphones are dead.

[A]

I'm so sorry, but never mind. Let me not. That's crazy about you doing the right thing.

[C]

No, you, you. You literally are. Because I.

[B]

When I was walking, I was like, ooh, I don't have anything to listen to. Like, that's crazy. It made me now forcefully go for walks a couple times a week without, like, no hesitation.

[A]

Sometimes I don't want to listen to music or anything. Sometimes I want to. This is New York City. You know what I'm saying? One things of the. The best parts about smoking weed and walking around the city is that you hear all the sounds and you know what I'm saying? So oftentimes I will walk around with no AirPods in my ears and sometimes, sometimes too, with a view towards safety. Sometimes you need to take your AirPods out and be aware of what's going on around you and you know what I'm saying, what you hear.

[B]

I don't put the sound cancellation on when I'm. When I have my headphones because I think that's dangerous. Dangerous person.

[A]

I like background noise. I live alone. I like background noise. I don't like it just being quiet in here unless I'm reading. When I'm reading, I don't like nothing going on. But when I'm writing, I like music playing in the background. When I'm cleaning, when I'm moving around, I like stuff playing in the background. So, yeah, I wonder if I. I don't know about that being healthy, but that's just what it is. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I always make fun of people that. That have to have something on or go to sleep with stuff on. I'd be like, you are shot out. Nervous system just shot out. That's what I tell my partner. See me listening to YouTube, I'd be like, you are shot out. But anyways, I also had some stuff from the Patreon. Trevor Union said, UX designer here. Some folks with ADHD want the ability to speed up content because their brain. Brains process info at that speed and it helps them maintain focus.

[A]

But we ain't talking about them today.

[B]

But I didn't consider that. That.

[A]

That's how you know what I'm talking about, though. We talking about the other people that just speed it up because they lazy and don't want to listen.

[B]

They've gotten programmed to need the need for speed.

[A]

But I hate when people try to do that to you. You make a point and they try to be like, well, but also did you notice and then hit you with the fact that that you really can't argue it because it's a necessary thing for people.

[B]

Right. But I think it's a fair point. No neurodivergence. Obviously people are gonna take in information differently. I didn't consider that. So. You're right, Mika. I did want to read this one. Hey, I know this might be a long shot. I'm in Columbia SC and just had an amazing interaction with this kid, Isaiah Christopher. After talking to him, I thought of y' all instantly. He's an 11 year old author and speaker for Parents Raising boys. His IG is hepeople's kid. Check him out and see what you think. He could be a great black business to support. Love y' all down.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

So cute. An 11 year old author and speaker.

[A]

Shout out to him and shout out to his family, you know.

[B]

Absolutely. And shout out to Mika for putting this on. We'll definitely, even though we're mentioning him now casually, I'll set up like a proper full out black business for him. Possibly we'll do that next week to keep it fresh. That's it for me. Let's jump into the recap of the episode prior to last week which was Asantes and it was called I got your number hussy. We. Oh no. This was actually Dustin's emergency crime zone. Just kidding. It was weird. Talked unknown number, the high school catfish documentary on Netflix. Of course we did. Those of you listening had a lot to say. Who stood out to you? Asante.

[C]

Still no Spotify streets. I want to shout out Cheyenne Ward. Cheyenne says watching that unknown number was triggering. Coming from a home where I was the only child and my mom was very much too involved in all aspects of my life, if she would have been that text smart, it would have been terrible. This is why we've been in no contact since 2017. The minute she decided to be abusive for wanting a small amount of independence, I knew it was over. I've. I'll forgive her for myself, but we do not talk anymore. I'm a mama now and I will do right by my baby. Okay, thank you for that, Cheyenne. Because we were talking about how crazy it was that that woman had done those heinous things. And then she tried to, I guess, feign sympathy for like a second by saying like, oh well, things happen in my life too. And it's like, girl, that does not give you the right.

[B]

No right.

[C]

I want to make sure I shouted you out, Cheyenne, and send you Some love as well. Cheyenne, thank you for doing the right thing and doing right by your baby. I hope that you are giving your child all the love. Okay. I also want to shout out Tamara Plummer says Dustin is right that a Mariah the scientist collab with Coco Jones would yield quite the album.

[A]

You know, you right too.

[C]

I think after thinking about I. I could see it. I think initially I was kind of like. But like, you know, or thinking about Mariah writing for Coco. Yes, but Mariah and Coco project together. I don't think that's what you were.

[A]

No, I said her writing for her.

[C]

No, no, I don't think that's what you were talking about, but I think that's what they were saying in this comment. And thinking about that was interesting to me as well. But even that sound would be cool because Coco, there are lots of things she hasn't done with her voice yet. Like a.

[A]

That can't sing to be on the track.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Well, you know, it's also an opportunity when you're on a track with someone that can't sing that well, but people love them. You know, it gives you more shine. You know, it gives you more of their audience. So Shade. Yes. Coco would win either way. So I was with it. When I read that last comment I wanted to share was Ms. J4 9. This was super unrelated. Sorry. It says Asante. I totally agree with the valet trash topic. My apartment complex was taking 16amonth just to pick up trash from my apartment door. Just for them to not come pick it up. I said, why pay for it when I got children to take it to the dumpster, they eventually did away with that service. Yeah, that part was a little spicy, but I just thought it was crazy that she said they, they. They did away with the service because I don't know where you're at because it's a thing in Atlanta, everywhere. So it's like you're paying for it. And I'm sure there are places where you don't have to do it, but the fact that that's nasty transfer supposed.

[A]

To go straight to the dumpster, disgusting.

[C]

That you are somewhere where it was implemented and they took it back is amazing. Like, you know, shout out to you and your children. They are lucky. Well, they're not lucky that they have to take it to the trash, but they are lucky that they do not have to open their front door and experience everyone's trash in their hallway. So just, you know, tell them, let them know that's it. Friend. What did you find out there in those streets.

[B]

So on Patreon, Rosita said, as a dog owner, nothing pisses me off more than people putting their dog shit in other people's tracks. For me, it's the same as when people don't pick it up. It's so disrespectful. And I'm petty enough to put a camera pointing at my trash bins because if I catch some descendant of the children of the corn.

[A]

Come on, Rosita.

[B]

Taking their pasty, dry, translucent, bony fingers, but they're untrained, neglected, yappy ass dog shit in my trash bins. I think not. That shit burns my grits. And Rosita, I have to thank you because I actually saw a little mini thread thread on Twitter of our listeners, mind you saying, I don't care. I'm still throwing my talk people's trash.

[A]

So it must be a game.

[B]

And it was all black people. They were all black people saying that they think it's silly that we care about something like that. It's a trash bin and they're going to continue to do it.

[A]

Let's put shit in yours then.

[C]

Since you don't care.

[A]

Let's all put shit in your trash bins, in your porch.

[B]

I think it's because we're not dog owners.

[C]

We don't think of like that. Because I just don't see that being like.

[B]

I just think, oh, it's just shit.

[A]

It's like, I don't even put your.

[C]

Candy wrapper in my trash, to be honest with you. Like, I don't really want you in my trash.

[B]

Don't touch my trash.

[C]

You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't want you to pass that threshold or even, even if it's on the sidewalk. I don't want you opening my. I don't know anything about you. So it's like, I don't know. But maybe because I'm not a dog owner, I don't. I don't. I just.

[B]

The only people I'm okay because I see people going into my tr. Trash, right, on a weekly basis. I'm only okay if they're looking for glass bottles or recycling or, you know, people that I know are you are going to use it either to trade it for money or whatever they need to do. Do your thing. I'm not gonna leave my trash for that.

[C]

Respect them and the sanitation workers by them not having to open someone else's, you know, garbage that they probably don't care about. And now they're looking at them Sideways. Because there's dog in their.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Why they doing this? Just because you're like, oh, it doesn't matter. I'm just throwing the shit away.

[B]

No, like, it's in the bag. I don't want to see shit in my garbage bin. And I told y' all too. A lot of it is the fact that it'll be an empty garbage bin that y' all know is not going to. Is going to be filled out throughout the week, not going to be picked up till next week. And there's a flat piece of green. The little green bag. Little green bag, flat and shit at the bottom of my bin when I'm going to go throw garbage for the day. That's disgusting, y'. All. And it's not fair because I don't have a dog.

[A]

And what if I throw something away on accident and have to go through there for something? You know what I'm saying? And now I gotta literally move your dog's eye around. I think that's disgusting.

[B]

And we gotta spray the bottom of the bin to. Sometimes that bag will stick to the bottom. Like, it's just. It's a lot. And I just feel like y' all.

[C]

Not considering that people don't have, like, they're missing like, little pieces of sense that make, like, the world a good difference. Because it's one thing if we're talking about opening the garbage that has the bag in it. Throw your in there. I'm not going to go through and be like, hey, and. And reaching that back.

[B]

But there's no bag. It's just separate bags that I.

[C]

That's what I'm saying. Like, like, it's the disrespect, it's the contamination. It's the, like, there are bigger issues here that these. I don't know. I just get a little wild when I think about pet.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then just out and people disrespect. And I'm just like, I know that you are taking care of this dog. Why can't you also take it everyone else? Because we didn't buy this damn dog. I'm sorry.

[B]

Back home, if you, if you put the. In the bag, take it to your house, wherever.

[A]

Don't have a shitty dog all the time. You do a dog with a regular stomach, a shitty ass dog. Control that. You know what I'm saying? Get your dog some kombucha. Get that together. How about that? Let's get to the root of the problem. Problem.

[B]

Maya said that in London. This is another listener in London. They have Specific bins for dog poop. And they are all over the city, especially in parks. It's weird they do that to you on a consistent basis. I'd be mad, too. Maybe put a camera out there to catch those motherfuckers. Someone, actually, one of our listeners, sent me a picture of her trash bin. And she literally has a sign she had to put on top, damn near laminated, that says, do not put your dog in my bin.

[A]

They gonna open it right up.

[B]

Yeah, no, that's funny. It'll probably. I feel like low key. It'll. It'll pipe people up to do it more because people just assholes.

[A]

But anyways, those are my wire on there or something. You know what I'm saying? Something that'll you up if you try to open it. That. That'll deter.

[B]

I just am. I'm amazed at those of y'. All and. But some of y' all did say, you know what, Fran? I never considered that that was nasty. Or. Or. And I'm gonna not do that to people's trash. And that is appreciated. Thank you for listening. What about you, Dustin Ross? What'd you find in those Twitter streets?

[A]

Not no dog shit. But what I did find was. Well, sort of, though. So. You know, this administration has been. Over the past two days, they've attacked Tylenol and the generic version of that drug, saying that it affects autism causes or whatever.

[B]

Saw that today.

[A]

But on a funny note, shout out to this Twitter user named. I'm Justin Randall. Randall with two L's. And he said he posted a picture of this meme from this cartoon that everybody uses when they're craving something, where they put the lady from the. The cartoons looking at the pill bottle. You know what I'm talking about?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

And he put Every conservative with a headache today, and he put. Looking at the Tylenol, they scared to take it.

[B]

That's so damn crazy. I hope Tyler Tylenol sues their pants off.

[A]

They scared to take the Tylenol, so I just. He posted that picture of her looking at the.

[C]

Looking at the Tylenol.

[B]

What the hell?

[A]

Tickled me. Okay, and that's it for me this week. We didn't talk enough.

[B]

That means that's it for the intro. Let's jump into this week's episode.

[A]

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[B]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T Mobile commercial like you teach me. So Dana.

[B]

Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at t mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[A]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

Jeffrey, you heard them.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

Us with eligible traded in any condition. So what are we having for lunch?

[B]

Dude, my work here is done.

[C]

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[A]

Gonna put you on nephew. All right, unc.

[B]

Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order, miss?

[A]

I've been hitting up McDonald's for years. Now it's back. We need snack wraps.

[C]

What's a Snack Wrap.

[A]

It's the return of something great. Snack Wrap is back.

[B]

I'm in the zone. So this week on the Friend Zone, I've been talking for months trying to get you guys to send in some questions because we are doing a Q today. The entire episode is going to be a Q and A. Because so many questions came in, it would have been virtually impossible to get at. Not that we're going to answer every single one, but it would have been hard to try to condense so many questions into just one segment. So we just gonna knock out the other ones and just focus on this for today, the way I wanted to organize it, and then we'll see, you know, we'll take it from there. Is I'll have five of the top questions for the collective. Five questions with Dustin, five questions for Asante, five questions for me. We'll see how long that takes. If that's too much, we'll cut it. If it's not enough, we'll keep it rolling. We have that many questions. And we could also do a part two at some point, maybe next year because of the amount of questions. They were really good, too. I appreciate everything that y' all sent in. Let's start out with a question for the collective. Right. So Najla asked, what episode of the podcast would you direct someone to in order to introduce them to the Friend Zone? I'm buying tickets to Dustin's live show in Atlanta. So obviously this was last month, but I'm bringing someone, right. Who has never listened to the podcast and isn't familiar with you guys or Dustin's comments. So she's asking for that person she was bringing. Right. What episodes should she play them?

[A]

Natalia Grace. Natalia Grace. To me, that people would really be able to get engaged because that was just us being 100% unfiltered, authentic, just reacting. I think it's a good gauge of kind of like, how we respond to things and our perspective. So probably that one. And if it was something serious, I send them right over to Epigenetics, honey. Send them right on over there.

[B]

They're gonna be like, I can see how people are like, what is this show? Natalia Grace to Epigenetics. That is. That's such a range.

[A]

You know, there's been a lot of others in there that have been really, really, really funny for us and a lot of other laughs that were, like, uncontrollable. But then Natalia Grace moment, I think is like, overall a good representation. The other stuff, you just gotta catch it. You gotta be listening It'll be a pivot we go off on or a joint of some sort that just is not even related to what we're talking about. You know what I mean? And it'll just birth the funniest moment ever in the world for us. So you just gotta be a listener to know. But you can start them off with Natalia's short ass. Yeah.

[B]

And that is the hard part, too, when people ask, like, what's the funniest episode? Or funniest moment? Cause a lot of the funniest moments are tangents that usually Dustin will break off into something completely left field, and it'll send us in a whole other direction, you know, so you just. Like you said, it's the thing you just gotta listen to and catch.

[C]

I said pick a shoot the shit episode that way.

[B]

Oh, yeah, because.

[C]

Because those are so unstructured and because we have so many tangents. That way people get a feel for us. They know. They get to know us by what we're talking about. And then if they want to do something more serious, then they can move into the podcast. And then, because they are familiar with us, then they could go to something like Good kid, Mad City, and it's like, oh, I. I can understand where they come from, and I can feel them because they make me laugh. Even though you're probably gonna laugh during that episode too, already. So.

[B]

Yeah. And getting an understanding. Right. Of what each of us brings to the show, because then you'll get an understanding of how varied the topics and interests are gonna be.

[A]

I'm the research facts person. I'm the person who is. No, non. You know, just really take all the fluff out. That's me.

[C]

You're actually the spiritual glue.

[B]

The spiritual glue, Right. So, Zari. Not. Sorry. I love that name. Said over the years, you've had incredible guests on the podcast who is a bucket list dream celebrity guest for each of you.

[C]

Shannon Shark.

[B]

Really? Oh, I was so sideswiped by that.

[C]

What? No, I don't know him. I mean, I know of him, but I don't like to know him.

[A]

Mary J. Blige, I think a lot of fun. I would love to actually talk to Nick Cannon, all jokes aside. Yeah.

[B]

What would you want to talk to Nick Cannon about? I'm curious during.

[C]

Everything.

[A]

That's what I'm talking about.

[C]

Like, everything.

[A]

They describe how many kids you had when they started singing the song from Rent. Okay. That's how many kids you have. And I want to talk about it. I want to know, has he ever met Kiki Wyatt, I want to know has he ever had all the kids in the same room? You know what I'm saying? Was he embarrassed to tell Mariah? Like, he got all them people, had all them children on the way. I just would love to talk to Nick Cannon about that. Plus, he. He's smart. So I would like to talk to him about some of the things that he, you know, has done. I think Nick Cannon would be a good conversation. Who else? Not for nothing, you know who I would love to have come on this show?

[B]

Who?

[A]

I'm not even gonna say it, so never mind. I'm not gonna say. I'll tell y'.

[C]

All.

[A]

I'll tell y'. All.

[B]

It's. It's an artist or a person.

[A]

I'm just gonna text y' all in the group. Both. I'm a texture, because I feel like we could really get some stuff.

[C]

Dream Guest, you know?

[B]

No, you didn't. Dustin, you seen it. That's. Now I know. I even want to say it. I'm waiting for Asante's reaction person.

[C]

Can't you hear that?

[A]

Christina, come on over.

[C]

But you know.

[B]

Know what?

[C]

Because. Because at the time, I was promised a conversation.

[A]

Let's taco about it. It's Tuesday. Let's taco about it.

[C]

So I. So I'd be more open to that. And y' all know how I am. I wouldn't be on no crazy. So it's like that. But.

[B]

Those who know.

[C]

Maybe we'll talk.

[A]

About that on the wind down.

[C]

Oh, okay. Dream Guest, you know what I'd want to interview. This is. This isn't a Dream Guest, but just because of, you know, the season that we've been in, I want to talk to some of the Love island people. And not just any random Love island, but specifically people. The hot ones. Yes, but like, from either. From last season, like, maybe somebody from those. That group. Or definitely, like, Alandria, Shelly. And I know that y' all probably don't want any hear this. I'd want to talk to Clark.

[B]

Really? I would ask her.

[C]

You know what.

[B]

I'd be like. Looking back, friend.

[C]

I was very. I was prepared to answer that question until I saw your face. I was very prepared to answer that you were making the face that she probably made some time. And I feel you. I want to talk to Clark about her coming in as, like, a middle girl. Heard you know her. If she actually likes Taylor for real, like, just how she's handling things. I'd want to talk to Clark checking out her mental health. See what she's actually about outside of all that?

[B]

Because I feel like her mental health is great.

[C]

Well, because the people made her whole thing. Like, oh, she stole this man. And then it's like, no, she didn't. And then it was like, okay, well, she's still ugly. And it's like, no, she's not. Now the thing with the wigs, like, what the hell? She's not ugly. Ugly.

[B]

No. At all.

[A]

At all.

[C]

But people that will go there or say stuff just to feel like, well, we hate her. And it's like, well, it's one thing to hate on her, hate something about her, but like, you ain't gotta hate the whole thing. And I actually don't hate her at all. I just hated how she came in there, how things went down.

[B]

But, you know, I wasn't a fan. But it was more so I felt like she was giving me that you.

[C]

Was catching on to the other things that I wasn't even looking at.

[B]

There's a type of girl and. And people know what I'm talking about. That have experienced this. That they're like, man centered. Yeah. And so they'll be mean to the girl to get under the guy. And I never understood that because it's like, silly. Like, she was giving Alandria weird looks. And granted, editing can be manipulative because maybe she wasn't even looking at Alandra. Like, we don't know. I know that, that they say that a lot. So who knows if they were kind of trying to create a narrative because now they seem cool. Cool.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But at the time it just didn't look right. And I didn't like how she was treating her. It felt shady and weird. And I hate girls that do that shit. Like, be mean to the other girl. Like, for what? She ain't do nothing to you.

[C]

I saw a clip of Clark and Taylor and Clark just looked really cute. I was like, see, she just. She's just fine.

[B]

They're cute together. For real. For real.

[C]

Like, I still don't accept Taylor. I don't. I will. I'm immature and I'm real.

[B]

I just feel like I find he treats Clark weird. At least from the clips I've seen.

[C]

Yeah. Like he still don't know what the fuck to do. And it's like, Clark, I feel like Olandria definitely deserved. But, like, now you got Clark, she deserves too. And, like, because you were whack the first time, of course you're still gonna be whack. I just don't respect Taylor. I'm Sorry.

[B]

Yeah. So that would be. That would be yours?

[C]

Yes. Some Love island, folks. What about you?

[B]

I'm sorry, I know you didn't say dead or alive, but I have to say Osho this week.

[C]

Why this week too, friend.

[B]

Oh, I know. In the Rapture, I have to say, oh, show, show. Because I just love him and I need to know so many things. I want to know why he let them white people come into the commune and shake shit up the way they did. Is it true that they like were drugging him? Like, I just have so many questions. You know what's crazy? So remember if you watched Wild Wild country, which was about Osho, for those who aren't aware, Osho was just like this phenomenal, you know, he was viewed as a guru. He had a lot of philosophies about existence, existentialism, and he's just amazing. He was brought to my attention when I was like in my teens maybe when I was like 20, 19, 20. And he was so mind blowing to me at the time when I was reading his books, I just found him absolutely fascinating. And he was someone that really cracked me open in a lot of ways to a lot of the ways that I think now. Is he problematic? Absolutely. Who isn't? But I love that he kind of leaned in on that.

[A]

Certainly not. I'm not, but go ahead.

[B]

Oh, that sounds a little hanger.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

But I loved him because he leaned into that. Right. Like he had him. I don't know if it was a. It wasn't a memoir. What's the one where someone writes it for you? An autobiography. What's the. I don't know which the difference is, but the one where someone write your own.

[A]

It's an autobiography. Biography. If someone writes it about you, it's a biography, but I think you write it yourself. It's an auto.

[B]

Auto meaning auto. Right. So it was one written about him and he had on like these expensive ass shades in the COVID and it was like, you know, the imperfect. And he, if you watch the doc, he had like Bentleys and Rolexes. Like I with that though, because he wasn't trying to be something he wasn't. He was letting you know I have these thoughts, but I'm also very worldly in my existence here. Right. And so some people didn't. Yeah, some people didn't with that, some people did. So I always was really drawn to him. And when that documentary came out, you know, obviously there was some wild happening at his commune here in Oregon. But I say all that to say.

[A]

Is that why you moved up there, friend?

[B]

Ain't that something?

[A]

I didn't make the connection, friends, it is.

[B]

But the other day I was looking up a weekend stay, right? Because we were trying to find like a cabin or something by the river that we could just like kick it for the weekend. Kind of like dip out of the city. Why did the area of his commune come up and you can stay in.

[C]

One of now, see, friend, I held my composure when you said the Osho cracked you open.

[B]

You can stay.

[A]

You can actually stay on the compound.

[B]

I don't know if it has anything to do with his estate or if this is just some fan. I really don't know. I didn't look too deeply into it, but it's absolutely available.

[C]

I'm surprised you didn't.

[B]

You know what's funny? I was reading people's comments, and people were like, there's a lot of weird energy up in there. A lot of weird shit happened up there. I wouldn't do it. Other people were like, oh, this was so cool. So I don't know know that because for me, I'm not a fanatic of a person. I really enjoy his thoughts, but it didn't mean that, like, I need to stay where he was or any of those things. I just really enjoyed his perspective.

[C]

Good.

[A]

You don't need to touch the hem of a garment, you know?

[B]

But I thought that was so funny that that's what came up when I was looking for somewhere in Oregon.

[A]

Now we know these phones really do be listening to us. Cause your phone was like that.

[B]

I had me. I was like, what? Not the commune. Oh, sure. I love you. So he would be my dream. I remember when Wild country came out. Some of our listeners were like, this is who you've been talking about.

[C]

Because after watching it, friend, I was like, now, the idea of a commune, I'm not gonna lie, it was attractive, but there were just certain things happening there. I was like, the people.

[A]

I could do a commune if it's the community, but if it's not, like, I. Cause I'mma get bored.

[B]

He was not. He was my guy. So that would probably be my dream guest. I have a question here that's actually for Dustin and Asante.

[A]

All right, Michelle.

[B]

No, it's not. It's actually not Michelle.

[C]

I said, don't ask us.

[B]

That's later. Michelle asks, what were your lives like the year before you decided to move to New York, and what was the pivotal moment that made you take that leap of faith?

[A]

I had just Ended my first relationship the year that I moved to New York. Actually, like, two months before I moved to New York, I had ended my first relationship. My first serious relationship.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

And I was like, all right, I'm leaving. I'm leaving. I'm out of here. I'm tired of my job. Anytime I wanted to move to New York, my sister was living here. She helped me get set up, and that was it. So it was actually good until the bed. Yeah. Yep, yep. I left that motherfucker. I shouldn't say it. Cause we cool to this day. So, like, our relationship ended, and then I moved to New York. Like, two and a half months later, I moved to New York. I came and visited. And then two months after that, I moved here.

[B]

But why New York? Do you think it would have been a different choice if your sister wasn't already there to kind of help?

[A]

Because I always wanted to live in New York, and I wanted to, like, act and do theater and shit. And so I came here to do that. Ended up doing a movie and working in media. So you just never know where life is going to take you. But, yes, I wanted to live in New York. New York is very me. You know what I'm saying? So it was always a destination for me. So that's what happened.

[B]

Shout out to that breakup, Damn it. Be like that Break every time. What about you? What was happening the year before you left?

[C]

It's funny, because you weren't asking about gay shit, but a whole lot of gay shit was happening. I was just in Atlanta, just living my life, and I felt like I'd lived in Atlanta my entire life. I'd grown up all over the city, ripping and running the streets. And when I was in high school, I visited New York twice. Two years in a row, I believe. And I was like, I love New York. I fuck with New York. So when I turned 21, I was like, all right, well, I think it's time to leave Atlanta, because I know the lay of this land. And they say if you can make it New York, you can make it anywhere. So I wanted to learn the lay of New York. And I felt like I learned the lay of that land. And it's the. Like, it was everything that I wanted and more. It was. It was crazy when I first moved there because it's like I was just making it up as I went along. But it was cool because it's like I was constantly rewarded for being random, you know? Like, New York is just such a mixed bag of. Of magic. And where you move to a city like Atlanta and it's just like, it looks one way on the surface and then it's just a whole lot of fuckery. But, like, New York's got everything. It's like, there's professional people, there's fucked up people. There are professionally fucked up people. There are people that are fucked up and pretending to be. Like, it's just really cool. There's just so many different things.

[A]

And that's just on 34th Street.

[C]

Okay. There's so many different types of white out there. Like, some of those whites are closer to black, which I think is dope. Like, there's just so much happening in New York, but just a crazy city. I loved it. So moving to New York was just something that I felt like if I could achieve that, then that would mark the true essence of becoming an adult. Because I just turned like, I was 21. Like, I was like, I was able to drink now. And I'm tired of drinking. I'm tired of drinking in New York. I mean, I'm tired of drinking around Atlanta. Like, I want to go see what the New York City bars are like and what that scene is like. And, yeah, it was cool.

[B]

That's really impressive when I think about it, because New York is such a big, overwhelming, like, to get grounded in a city like that, especially at the age of 21, that's so impressive to just move there and you didn't have anyone. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna just go and figure it out.

[C]

Xd, me and XD knew of each other online. We. We'd hung out, look, that year before, actually, XD had been in Atlanta. We hung out at Pride and we had a fun ass time. He was like. He was living upstate New York at the time, but we were just like online just being funny and just visiting each other and having, like, just being fun. We're like, oh, this nigga's funny. This nigga's funny. This sounds like this nigga's talented. So we just got to keep leaking up. And he was like, I think I'm moving back to New York City. And I was like, I've always wanted to live in New York City. So when I moved, he had. He had me a spot set up. He was like, all right, you know, I know somebody down there. You can stay there. I stayed in that spot for like a month. And I went and got my own spot. Like, rain the room. And I was like, this is. People do. And it really was one of my roommates Was a. That was twice my age at the time. And I was like, well, this grown ass renting a room. And then you find out that that's how people make money. And not only do people make money, they make money under the table, or they make a lot of money doing, you know, legit things.

[A]

It's a whole nother world out there.

[C]

A whole nother world. Like, so many different things. So it's like, now I learned how whenever there's a problem, New York is a lot of problems, and there's a lot of solutions. So when I'm in a city like, you know, Charlotte and I have a problem, it's like, all right, well, there's a solution. Like, I already know. I already know there's an answer for this. I may not know how to get to it immediately, but I just know that I can solve this because I've been in some bullshit in New York, so there can't be. The bullshit can't be that bad out here where I have space and room and affordability.

[B]

Right? And you know what's funny? I was listening to xd. He did a guest hosting with Kia for getting grown while Jade was dealing with her GR funeral. And he mentions you and him kind of being like the root of this friend group, right? Because you guys had met, and then everybody kind of came after, you know, the two of you. I think he mentioned y' all used to be streaming. Is that what it was?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Or going way back in the day on YouTube. And that's how y' all got cool.

[C]

Before you stream or after you streamed.

[B]

You took it back.

[C]

We. That's me. XD used to do streamathons. We used to do the whole nine.

[B]

Like, ain't that something?

[C]

We know. We know YouTubers that have come and gone. You know what I'm saying? Like, we. There are just so many things that XD and I have been through. It's just, like, cool that I can always talk to him and just know, like, day one.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like, he just know anything about Kia. And Kia was there, too, but me and XD knew of each other, and Kia was in the comments, but she. We didn't know she was making videos. And then finally we started linking up with Kia, and then Kia became like, that girl. Like, she was like our. Like our sister instantly. And we just always been locked in. So when I moved to New York and I remember thinking, like, I don't know how I'm gonna do any of this. And Kia, she wasn't living in the city either. Because she was, you know, getting her education, and then when she moved out to Harlem, she was there. We were always going to her house to eat. It was such a great time. Kia was always just cooking, watching Grayson and Anatomy, getting her education, and we were holding her down, trying to be that support group, because we knew if she could make it, we could make it, and if we could make it, you know, everybody's good. So it's great to have friends like that at that core, and then to be on a podcast like the Friend Zone, where it's like we all. We're in the city trying to make it, and we were all hungry for it, but we were all good people at the same time.

[B]

Yeah, I loved hearing them talk about that because, like I said, XD was saying how YouTube would go live, and then Kia said that she would be in the comments, but because she was so dang funny, she stood out in the comments. And so that's how y' all all kind of started kicking it. And it's just funny to. To see how, like, the friend group formed. But I love that story. The lore, as the young people say, the lore. Asante, this one is for you is actually Michelle again, but because it's about cities, I figured we just tack it on. She said, now that you're looking for, for your next city, your next adventure, what's on your priority list, and what boundaries are you setting as far as the next location you're choosing?

[C]

That was a loaded question. I don't even know if she meant it to be. So I already know my next city, but the next city that I'm going to is a placeholder. This was really a placeholder, but it was a placeholder before the placeholder, because the real placeholder I wasn't ready to go back to just yet. I guess I'll tell people I really want to go back to. To Atlanta, but I'm going back to Atlanta because I want to just be home with my family for a while. I've been wanting to do that for some time, and so I'm just gonna probably spend a year or two, maybe three, down south. Just. That's. Which is why I moved to Charlotte, because I was inching back to moving back to Atlanta, because by Charlotte, I was going to be a little bit closer, but now I'm just like it. I'll just move back into the city and give me a cute apartment because there's so much new property all over Atlanta, which is crazy, but why not? But there was the second part to that question that made me laugh. What boundaries am I setting? Because I am moving back to a city where I've. I have history, like, old roots. I think the new boundaries that I'm setting is that I want to. I want to really, like, build something. Like, I want to leave. If I leave the city again, I want to, like, leave something behind as far as, like, legacy for my family, you know, like a piece of me for my family to have while I'm, you know, not there or something to just constantly come back to. I'm not sure, but yeah, that's like really the only boundary I think of. Like, that, like, immediately I was thinking, like, all right, now you're going back to Atlanta. Like, you have to like, put feet in the ground, put plant something while you're back home. Because that was one of the things that when I left, I was like, all right, I left the city, I left my family. But I felt like, like, even though I'm coming back home, it doesn't feel like I'm coming back home because I've been gone for so long as far as living. So that's why it's like, I want to leave like a piece of myself. Like a. Like, whether it's something music related or entertainment or just something to help other people, I want like a piece of Asante as part of the city always.

[B]

I love that. My guy, your parents are gonna be over the moon that you're coming back. I'm so happy for them.

[C]

I had already mentioned it to my mom. That's the only reason I was like, I guess I can go in here and share it. I don't actually care, right?

[B]

Ooh, I know she's happy. My mom would cry if I her told I was moving back to New York, but I'm not. Veronica asks, how was living in Brazil, Fran, specifically the food. And what did Brazil teach you, reveal to you, if anything? Love that question. I was. Brazil was just fun as hell. When I think back to, like, my life as a whole, that was quite possibly the best time of my life. Like, nothing has compelled compared. I've had a lot of really beautiful experiences, but that's just to be. I had to be, what, 20 years old. You're young, you're beautiful. In a different country, learning a language at a university with different people that you've never seen before. You're American. That has its own unique, you know, energy signature. But then I was. Not only was I American, but they never really fucked with an American like me. That wasn't just like, the white girl that came to, you know, like, I'm here. A black girl from America, from the hood. So they're like, what, y' all have hoods? They were so shocked that we had hoods. When I was telling them about my upbringing, that was, like, mind blowing to them that we had projects, you know, like, it just was like, what the fuck? And that was so cool to have that transfer of energy and transfer of life and understanding. And I fell in love in Brazil with someone that was super important to me. He actually ushered in music in a lot of ways because he was a musician, and we would just make music. Like, we'd be on the beach, he'd just be playing guitar. He really was the one that was like, you should write. I feel like you'd be a good writer. And I started writing with him and always singing. And then when we got back to New York, we'd make music. And that was really my first time being like, maybe I could do this. You know, I'd always been able to sing. I'd always been surrounded with musicians, working with Claude and doing things for him, but I never fully considered, like, oh, I'm a write, I'm a sing, I'm a do, like, all of it and perform and really get out there. And he really kind of put that bug in me of, like, doing this for my. Myself. So he was an important catalyst in a lot of ways. And the country itself was just. Could you imagine being 20 in Brazil?

[A]

Yes, I wish I was.

[C]

Tell me about the food, friend.

[B]

And the food was just. There were certain things that I had to get used to. Right. Like, they.

[C]

I was gonna say, what was it like making that trend? Like, what. What was the food like? Or your. Like when you first saw it? Were you like, oh, ladies put beans.

[B]

In their spaghetti, you know, and then they have this thing called farofa that's like, I don't know which. Like, a cornmeal. Like, it's like powder. Yeah, that powder. And so you put the spaghetti, then you put. Then you put the powder. And that was really different. But of course, as with anything, over time, I grew to appreciate it. They write. I was like, just, okay, I get it. And the food is just damn good. I do think, because I can't eat seafood, I missed out on a lot of the real deal meals that they had to offer just because, you know, I would see my friends eating all the seafood fresh from the water, and I'm like, damn, I can't have none of that. But the food is Amazing. I stayed in Bahia Salvador, which is where the black people are, basically. And that was amazing for me because growing up, I didn't know too much about Brazil for some reason. When the opportunity in college came to study abroad, I was like, yo, I need to do that. Like, when else in my life am I going to get to move to another country? Paid for.

[A]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[B]

You know, have an apartment, have class. And like, when else am I gonna do this? I don't know. Spend. Especially considering my background, you know, financially and where I come from. I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna have a lifestyle where I can live like this. I gotta take advantage. So I remember going to the office and looking what the different countries were, and I remember it was like Spain and Iceland, you know what I mean? And all these different. And I remember standing there like, holy shit. Like, I could go to any of these. So if you're in college, please. Right, Turkey. Take advantage of. Of that. Please take advantage of the study abroad program. That shit is life altering. It's amazing. And with the way the world is going, you have no idea when you'll be able to experience something like that. That level of freedom.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And exploration, you know? And I remember when I saw Brazil on the wall and I said, what? It's like, that's it. It was like immediate. Yes. And they. I remember they had like a short ride up of the city of Brazil that we would be going to. When I saw Bahia and the black people, I said, that's it. I'm going. Signed up, got accepted by the grace of God and was there for the whole year, my entire junior year. And it was so life altering, y'. All, like, just amazing. I think back, I see the pictures, like, we celebrated New Year's at Copacabana beach, where everybody's dressed in white.

[C]

Mm.

[B]

And I remember just that feeling of pure happiness. So I can't say that anything. You know, sometimes you want to give, like, a profound life, but it's. It was just happiness, which I think was important for me to know that. Yeah. Just that my body getting to experience a life that was just pure joy. For the entire year, I didn't know what that was like. My life up until then had been a shit show. And so to have this year of just happiness. And even the people that I met on that trip are still my friends to this day. My best friend that I talk about all the time is in San Francisco, that her babies are my freaking nieces and nephews. We met on that trip. Oh, she was coming from Columbia University and it was actually her sophomore year, I believe. And she was there and then I was coming and we connected. And because she was from Columbia University, once we got back to New York, we were kicking. It was. That's so fire, you know? And her and all the other girls that were in New York got a place together in Harlem. So we lived across the street from each other. I mean, it was just amazing. They're still my closest friends today because that was just an experience that, like, was like, unlike anything else. You know, we have that to connect. We speak Portuguese to each other to make sure we don't forget it. When we text. We go in and out of English and Portuguese, which I love. All the songs, songs from that time frame that we will never forget, that take. Transport us back to that moment. All the live concerts we went to because Brazilians, let me tell you, their live concerts, out of this fucking world. They know every song. They're dancing, just joy. And then the culture also was very free as far as, like, kissing and affection. Even the men, as friends, they hold hands in the street, they're hugging. Just a very affectionate, loving culture. And that was really cool to see. That was really cool to see because they'd be hugging and they. They embrace and have an intimacy that I feel like American men, and not even American, most men, different cultures just don't have. Right.

[A]

And could learn from.

[B]

And could learn from. It's okay to hug your friend and kiss him in the cheek and hug him and, you know, it's just, Dustin, I'm gonna fight you. I just loved it. It was just so good. So good. And I think when I came back, I was just like, oh, my God, there's so much that you could do with your life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It almost reminds me of the Midnight Library, right? Where she was so pessimistic because her decision making and her life in general, like the cards she had been dealt were just so fucked that she was like. She almost had a nihilistic approach to life, right? Like, there's no meaning. Fuck this shit. I'm tired. I feel like I kind of had a similar. I wouldn't say I was nihilistic, but my cards had been so rough that I felt like, damn. And then I got there and was like, oh, wait a minute. I could, like, move. I can control the people that are around me. I can, like, live somewhere that when I wake up, it makes me happy. And if anything, that was probably the biggest revelation of how much you. You can decide.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what your day feels like, who you're around, and what your life as a whole will kind of, like, can shift into. If that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I think that's very important for human beings because sometimes we can feel so stuck in the sort of Groundhog Day, especially at that point.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You know, you're a young adult. You're so impressionable. And then the. A lot of the life that was modeled to me by the adults around me, it was just a lot of grief and heaviness, people being stuck and frustrated and stressed. And to see that, like, it don't have to be that way was so crucial to me. And I think that's why now, in this point of my life, I was like, new York, don't feel good no more. I'm leaving, you know, like, now. I think it gave me that elasticity, I think is a good word.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

To be like, malleable and something don't fit. I'm out. This don't work. I don't like how this feels because I felt that year of pure joy and happiness and the friends. It just felt so good. I really can't put any words to it. You know what I mean? It's just like, if that makes sense.

[C]

I encourage anybody listening. If you haven't, like, lived somewhere else, not even abroad, it can just be a completely different, like, you know, from city to the country. And not everybody likes that transition because, you know, people from country to city, some people love that, and some people, like, I gotta get back to the country. So it's like, right, Everybody should just travel and, like, experience different things just so you can get that sense of what you're missing. So that can. You can feel it and know whether you love it or hate it. You know what I'm saying? And I feel like people that have kids encourage your children if you. Especially if you see them as independent and curious and intelligent. Because, Fran, you have always been talented. And, like, I'm sure there were things going on in your life at that moment that had you feeling away, but you had already done so much work. You already destined for so many great things before any of those things happen. It's like you. Something re awoke, but it awakened in you and it made you feel new. You know what I'm saying? And I feel like people need to experience that. They need to impart that on their kids. They need to do that for themselves. Even watching people on YouTube that move to Thailand, you know, good and grown, like, I just wanna.

[B]

So cool to me, man, it's just dope.

[C]

It's just dope. Is there nothing be.

[B]

Yeah. And even going away to college, right, that was a big step for me because my mom, as much as she wanted me in school and was very encouraging of going to college, you know, immigrant parents, they're like, come on now, make my trip here worth it. She was so shook about me going away to college. Like, that was a whole different conversation, right? And it actually, she fell into a big time depression when I left because I think she was so nervous and so consumed by fear. And I'm thankful that even though it affected her that deeply, that I literally saw my mom like become a different person. She was so nervous that I still went, you know, and I'm grateful that I still went and I had the like willpower in me to be like, I don't know where she's going, going through, but I hope that she trusts that the wisdom she's imparted and just me as a person is going to be fine. And you know, and trust that in me. And I, I know that a lot of people don't go away because their parents be on their neck about it, but do it. Yeah, trust me, if you can do it, like, just do it. Is so valuable. It changed my life to be granted. I was in Ohio, which was like whack as fuck. But being in Ohio was a. Was different. It was something different. Right. I learn a different way of life slowed me down in a lot of ways. Very different from New York. Okay, so what's life like out here? It like, I keep talking about this elasticity and to me that's important for your brain to just have a different street. You gotta learn a different lifestyle, different types of people. I had to get accustomed to different weather, different. Everything was different markets. And in college, that's a unique skill set, right? Oh, I gotta wake myself up because I got an 8am class. Oh, I have this test. Let me make sure I actually like not go to that party this weekend because I gotta study, I gotta pass that test.

[A]

Making real decisions, real.

[B]

Making real critical thinking.

[A]

Yeah, critical.

[B]

And mind you, you're a baby, 18 years old, getting up for 8ams. A lot of people, a lot of my classmates that we started with did not make it. You know, some people burnt out by the first semester. Some people were done midway. So for me to have made it through, I was really proud of myself. I think, I know there's a lot of discourse around, like whether you should or shouldn't go to college. I personally feel like that's just your decision, but I know for me, it helped me so much as a, as a person, like becoming a forming adult, you know what I mean? Like, the development of putting systems in place for me to get done what the fuck I need to get done was very, very cringe, critically formed in college, I think 100%.

[A]

I agree. I agree.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

That you should. If you can.

[B]

Yeah, if you can. I definitely think. And you know, and I've always been kind of on the fence about it because I don't think you need college. Some people are like that by nature. Some people the. Their jobs put them in that position. Some people's lives just move differently. Don't. I won't tell you you have to do it, but I think if it's an option, you should take it. You know, outside of the critical thinking skills, there's just a lot that I got from it. And I didn't even really fuck college like that, to be honest. I feel like it was a lot of money and don't even use my degree. So there's, you know, pros and cons. But I think it was valuable. Yeah. And even socially, right. Living in dorms with people that are different from you and having to understand dynamics of friendships and, you know, how to take care of each other. In college, who do you want to be around? Why do you not want to be be around this person who is conducive in a friendship to you finishing this fucking four years of college and who's not? Those are real world valuable things to pick up on, you know what I'm saying? Because some people would be like, fuck that class. We got a party. You know, you got to be like, damn that. You don't understand what I'm trying to do here. I actually was having that convo with my partner's niece who's just starting conversation college, and she's like figuring that out, you know, like, it's hard. We want to party. And I was like, you got to be mindful. I know it's hard because you're a baby, but you got to be mindful of the people around you that are pushing for you to go out more than they're pushing for you to go study. That's a hard decision to make because you're mad young.

[A]

You're there for a reason, and it's nothing. Of course you're going to enjoy yourself and have fun. You should, you should party. But you should also make sure you turn your Work in and make it to class.

[B]

And if you have that 8am, get the fuck up. Like, get the fuck up or either.

[A]

Stay the fuck up, right?

[C]

When they say work hard, stay up.

[A]

All night, you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah, man.

[C]

So party hard, school hard, shit, right? That's what's up though, right?

[B]

But yes, it was life changing. I think to this day it was the best year of my life. And I encourage everyone, if you're any able as an adult, move as a college kid, take that program. Like, trust me, you will never forget it. Yo. Malice asked something that sticks with me about your story, friend, is your move to Portland to put yourself in an environment that you desired, that you knew was the right fit for you in this particular phase of your life. And she asked, and this is a question for all of us as a collective, I would love to hear, hear about a time in your life when you knew you had to do something for your truest desire, even if it was at a cost, right of distance of judgment, maybe loss of income. What do you think supported you in the making in such a complicated and risky decision that you knew you had to make for yourself? And this means whether moving or career changes, anything of the sort.

[C]

Quitting my job for the show.

[B]

Tell us more. That's juicy.

[C]

I just think about how I have always worked and worked and worked and that meant punching a clock, you know, like, I was proud to say I, you know, was employed at two or three different restaurants or two restaurants and a gig. Like I was. I love just being able to say I had something to do. Okay. I had a podcast, podcast to do the podcast. I had bit and bills. Okay, okay. Paying the bills. The bills are getting paid. But also you're drained. What, are we leaving? All right, now, you know, the podcast, it pays and you're visible, but the restaurants, you get the cash in the hand every night.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Are you going to trust and believe that this podcast is going to do what it already is doing because of doing it, because the restaurant is already doing what it's doing by giving you this cash. It was just such a struggle to say, like, because it's not like, oh, I don't need this job, like I, I always need money. You know what I'm saying? But it was a struggle to say, like, do I let go of this job? Because it wasn't even just the money, right. It was just the access to fast paced, you know, just don't being in something. So it's like you have to let something this Something, something go. And I had to let my, my restaurant jobs go. And it was like, all right, you don't even like working in the restaurants you actually like. You, you love going to work with your friends, building, you know, speaking to people, traveling. So why not quit your job? Why is this such a hard decision to make? Like, once I started to get into the why nots of it versus the pros and cons, it was like, all right, why not, why not, why not? Why not? It was like, well, damn, I guess I gotta quit now. And then, you know, when you're at that, that one shift, sometimes, sometimes there's that breaking, breaking point shift. It don't matter what type of industry you in where you're like it. And I, I had that. But at that point, I had so much seniority at my job, my was like, all right, you could still come back anytime you want to. And I was like, no, I ain't never coming back. And I've been back up in there since and I'm cool, but I just always think of that moment of me wanting to. Of not wanting to make that decision, but making it and like feeling freer after having done so. But it was just such a. Like a weird internal battle because I don't know what the morals for myself were at the time, but I just felt like by not working a job where I had to this, you know, established corporation on my paycheck versus this industry that was adjacent to another industry, you know, still newer. It was scary, But I mean, 10 years later, super rewarding.

[B]

Amen to that.

[A]

Yeah. For me, doing the film the Skinny when I got to New York was a leap of faith, right? Because it was a movie about black gay men. I had to had like a sex scene in the movie. And although I was acting, playing a character for people who are not involved in the arts or anything like that, that was Dustin in a gay movie. And Dustin is really gay now. Okay. And so a lot of people back home, a lot of, like some of my family, like, just. It was just things that happened, connected to me agreeing to being in that film. But that's also the reason why I met xd. I met Kid Fury, I met Crystal, I met Asante. This ended up happening, you know what I'm saying? But all because I was like that. So what? You know what I'm saying? Like, it. It is what it is. I'm about to do this movie, shout out to my friends. It's so funny how the dots that the, the connectors in the story it's just always funny. Shout out to Sean Ross. Sean Ross is the person, person who told me about the audition for the Skinny. I went up there, he got me, he got me the audition and I got on the audition and did my damn thing and then went up against some other people and stuff and kind of took it from there. But Sean got me on that audition. That's how I met Kid Fury. XD Asante. You met you through Asante? That's how everything lined up. So it all started with taking that, that step of being like, okay, so what? I can handle it. I'm gonna be brave enough to do this movie and that's it. So that was uncomfortable for me, but. Well, it wasn't uncomfortable. It actually felt natural, but it was uncomfortable to take that leap of like, okay, I'm about to just stand all the way in this shit. Fuck it. Like, this is what it is. Yeah, that was it. So, yeah, that's just a one little quick way. Yes.

[B]

Oh, for me, moving here was a risk because being in New York in this field is important. It's crucial. Especially, you know, I still get emails or people like, frank, can you be at this event on Tuesday at 8pm? And I'm like, fuck. And it's like a valuable event that could put me in rooms or in front of the faces of people. That would be really helpful to know. Right. So I, I risked that because I'm not going to be flying from here, across country, from here, across, for every little event that comes my way. So I had to kind of trade that in a way. Right. Where it's like, I have this business that is a lot about face value and what rooms you're in and relationships and networking in a lot of ways. But it didn't feel more important than me waking up in an environment that was like more people, peaceful.

[A]

Your quality of life.

[B]

My quality of life. I wanted a life. That's why I picked the Pacific Northwest that was more centered around nature. That really allowed me to be more of who I am now at this phase of my life. Right. I've always been the earthy woo woo girl. And I was still that living in Harlem. I was still that living in New York. But now that I had the finances and the desire and the will, I was like, let me be more of that. If that's who I am, let me live a lifestyle that really lets her be in, like her flourish. Yeah. You know, in her fullness. And I felt like I just couldn't do that in New York anymore. And I love that now when I wake up in the morning, I see hummingbirds and my house is surrounded by, you know, we have a persimmon tree and my neighbors have blueberries. And, you know, and it's just. And I go on my walk so I can go get on my bike. And not to say that you can't do that in New York, but it's a very different feeling in New York to get on your bike, ride through.

[A]

The streets, all the things you wanted from Portland.

[B]

Everything I wanted just really brought out the best of me. And you know what's interesting for those who are afraid to make that trade off? No, I'm not in people's faces. No, people, yes, people are seeing me much less. I'm much farther away. I am. People will consider me now in different ways because they're like, she's in, you know, Portland, she's not in New York. So I might not get the same amount of opportunities because now they have to put in a flight right now they gotta add accommodations. So that makes things a bit challenging. I do become more expensive in people's decision making. That's something I had to consider. But at the same time, same time, because I'm so much happier, my mind, it was worth it. And my mind has made a lot better content and I feel good. And because of that, I actually have had the most lucrative financially years in my career since I moved here.

[A]

See what I'm saying? Which is interesting.

[B]

I didn't see that coming. I didn't think that that was possible. I actually thought, oh, I'm gonna take a cut. Or know you. Huge cut. Yeah. People aren't going to.

[C]

Because you were slowing down. Things were going to slow down. But it actually gave you the clarity to handle things accordingly and make even more.

[B]

Absolutely. It allowed me to take a beat and look at the projects I wanted to be a part of. It allowed me to have more space to make the projects I want to be a part of. I just was in a better mental space. And I think I had much better decision making making. I just felt better. And I think when you feel better, you do better. That's just kind of what I feel. And I ended up. When I tell you I almost, I can truly say I doubled my income since I moved here, which I never to this day, I'm like, that had to be God just affirming me that my decision making right, that I did the right thing for myself. That even though it was scary and it was a huge trade off, obviously it all Worked out, because how the hell did I move away from everyone but still make more money? And it's not that y' all have seen me more either. Y' all didn't see that. Now I had to kind of step into the algorithm because, oh, my God, I'm scared, and I need to really step. It. It just wasn't like that. I just got more projects, more opportunities, and I think God was more of the right projects.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And God, in a way, was like, I'm proud. I felt like God was like, I'm proud of you for choosing yourself. And I'm a rain on you now to, like, show you that you got to continue doing that. Like, you have to continue doing that because your life will continue feeling that way. And that's how I perceive it, and that's how I move through the world. And it makes me want to keep saying yes to things that are about me, even when they feel not in alignment with my career. Because everybody was like, why the fuck are you moving to Oregon? Everybody. There's not one person that was like, I get it. That's cool. Go do that. Everybody was like, what the fuck are you thinking?

[A]

I think that's verbatim. The first thing I said, what the.

[C]

Fuck are you in Portland?

[B]

Everyone was like, your career is gonna tank. You know, why do that? You're leaving New York. That's.

[A]

So I never felt like that, because I always knew that you were going to continue to work. I knew you would work, but I. It was.

[B]

I know.

[C]

That's all.

[A]

But it's been great for you, and we love to see that. So that's was a good decision.

[B]

Absolutely.

[C]

I've been. I've been feeling this energy lately of. And I think, because I mentioned my job, one of the driving factors of me quitting my job, too, was. I mean, driving factor. Was annoyed and over it. But I kept having this thought, and I've been having it a lot lately. Now. I was. I was holding. I was a placeholder. Like, I was taking someone's place, and I needed to. Like, I was. I was in someone's job. I was in someone's space. I was like, I need to quit this job. Someone needs this job. Like, I need to let this job. Job go. Because I was doing okay with the podcast. I was doing great with the podcast. It was like, all right, we're doing. We're doing great things over here. Someone needs this job that you. Over here. Just dialing of. Do I want to keep it or not? Let it go. And Give it to someone who needs it. And that's why I was like, it wasn't a bad job. Because. And that's why, even back to earlier when we're talking about travel, different things for different people, back to the country, city thing, different things for different people. When you moved out to Portland, you had already had all the information from living in New York, from traveling to Brazil, and now you just want to, you know, put those things together along with your business that you've created and still make even more money. And the Lord said, all right, girl, well, you already have all the things that you need to do this, and all you need to do is sit down, because that's what you want to do, right? All right, well, sit down. And then those deals came right in your lap and you knew what to do with them. And it was like, oh, this was more money than what I even thought I was going to make in. The Lord was like, well, yeah, girl, cuz you're sitting down and that's what you wanted. I didn't say you were going to get less. I just. You said you wanted to sit down. You're sitting down. So we still got to work and you're still working, so keep going.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I said, look, I let that, like, me, I wanted to let that fucking job go. I let it. I wanted to let that job go. And then I had the opportunity to let it go. And I was like, well, I'm still making money. Do I want to let it go? Like, yes, you said you wanted to let it go. Now do you want your podcast to tank because you wanted to keep your job and now you got to stay here? It's like, nope, actually, I do want to leave. And I left because imagine, I just kept working that job off the strength of I think something bad's going to happen and I'm still up in that bitch. Like, I'm a manager, too, on the weekends. Not that it would have been a bad thing, because again, it wasn't a bad job. It's just that I knew what I needed to be a little bit more effective, if not way more effective. Here we were doing tours. I was like, great, now I don't have to worry about getting back to clock in. I can just, you know, focus on doing the tour and being present with you guys and doing great things and talking to the people and doing great advice and not getting up on stage and just talking about bullshit. Just to say, I got a podcast. Because I feel like a lot of people are like, I want to Start something and they don't know where to start. It's like we started something. We had have something. All right. Now you have to keep building and pouring it and now it's working. Now I have to work with it, work for it, and I'm going to continue to do that work as long as it's necessary. 10 years in Y', all, from the.

[A]

Moment we started this show, I knew it was a portal to opportunity for myself and all three of us. And I knew that I was doing it with a view toward being self employed. I knew that I needed to. I foresaw a life for myself where I was free of that kind of obligation in my. My time. I was able to consider time a resource in that way and free up my time by making money doing this show. And God made it play out like that. And I knew that my last nine to five was gonna be my last nine to five when I took it. And I was. It was the only job I ever had since we had this show where I was transparent about my other professional life and world. And it just, I just let put it all out there.

[B]

So, yeah, and y' all were so g. Because y' all would be coming in after a full day of work and we'd record at night, which already is challenging because you're. You're on reserve tank energy at that point.

[C]

Don't get me started on them holiday seasons, you know.

[B]

Right. And you know, like it was. And then when we had the tour and y' all had to get right back to it, literally flying back to New York, we had to figure out, figure out like our friend Zone schedule, accommodating the work schedule and trying to make both work.

[A]

You ain't gonna get nothing worthwhile. There's a buy in on everything that's worthwhile. You don't have to put the work in, in some way at some point on anything that's worthwhile. And that's just what it looked like for us at that time. You know what I'm saying? Pulling double duty, just figuring it out. That's why you got to be dedicated to you your things that projects in that way. You got to have respect for the projects in that way, because that will give you the wherewithal to do that and see it across the finish line to like, success. And so, yeah, I always saw it like that though, from day one. Always.

[B]

Yeah. And it ties into this question that Imani asked, right where she said, how did you know it was time or feel comfortable enough to quit that 9 to 5. To be a creative, was there a certain amount that you had to reach? Or did y' all just say, fuck it? Did y' all just take the risk? This is something I've been struggling with, being a creative and staying at my 9 to 5 due to being scared to take that leap.

[A]

Well, you have to have a plan with anything that you do. So there is one. There is a way to take a leap of faith, but you also have to have a foundation under that leap of stability and of some sort of plan.

[B]

So especially in this economy right now.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Quitting a job is the best idea right now. Yeah.

[A]

You gotta have a plan. And you actually should use your 9 to 5 as a tool to make your creative pursuits full time a real thing.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

You know what I'm saying? So use your money from your job to set yourself up. Buy all your equipment. I don't even know what she does, but buy. Imani. Imani.

[B]

Right, Imani. Yeah.

[A]

Amani. Buy all your stuff now. Imani. Buy every piece of equipment. Buy the best of it, too. The best equipment you can buy. Use your job to set yourself up. Save money. Save you some money before you quit. Set yourself up. I mean, get down to the penny with your budget. Like have your rent money put up. Have set yourself up for a few months. If you plan on leaving your job, use it to your advantage. That's my only advice. And quit when it's time. Don't put yourself in a worse position because now you'll have the anxiety of financial woes and addiction addition to like figuring out your creative. And that's a lot for anybody to bear. So if you can relieve yourself of that by implementing a plan ahead of time, I strongly suggest to do that.

[B]

Yeah, sorry.

[C]

I'm laughing because I remember my last shift at work and I remember saying it was my last shift. And I remember being like, I'm not coming in here tomorrow. Y' all can take me off the schedule. I agree with everything that Dustin's saying because you're taking, taking a risk, but it needs to be a calculated risk. Okay. I was using that job I had been stacking, I had been saving. And I feel like I always need money. So even though, like, you know, I was good on things, I still needed money. So it's not like I wanted to quit that job, but it was lit. It was spiritually time to quit that job. And the reason that I say that, because I had. I made the money that I needed to make. I met the people that needed to Meet. It was an energy payoff that was going on too. I was going to work, and it wasn't just, you know, I was going to work, working and, you know, serving tables. I was literally making my co workers happy so they can be happy enough to do their jobs. So they weren't affect my work. Like, it was just more work than I felt like was necessary for that position and for what I was doing. And it wasn't because I was too good or any of those things. It literally was, you are doing. Doing your job and then some. And then you have other jobs that you're doing that you need to do actually more in. You need to pour into those appropriately. You need to pour into the things that matter because you want to see people, you want to spend time. So how do you do that? All right, I need to make sure that my bills are going to be good with this new thing. They were good off the podcast. So it was like, all right, I was trying to see, like, if I just kept my cash on the side, what would those checks look like, you know, and how would I be able to take care of myself? And I was taking care of myself. When it was time for me to. To leave my job, yes, I quit and I was like, this job. But I was really cool with everybody I worked with. So it's like, I wasn't really saying them because I knew that they were going to perish and burn. I knew that they were going to be okay the next day. I knew that if I knew that I was a great employee too. And I'm not saying that anybody should do what I did, but I just knew that my situation was going to be a little bit different and I was going to be able to take that risk. And I took it. And it has paid off because I could still go back to that job. I still talk to those people and Kiki with them all the time. And they're like, you, you coming back this house holiday season? I'm like, no, I am not coming back. But I do sometimes think to myself, like, if I ever wanted to pick up some extra cash, I can. Originally I wanted to say when I moved to New York, it was 2009. The. There was a. The. The recession, the depression. It was something financial happened.

[B]

2008 crash the year prior.

[C]

So we were coming off of that. So I remember I was using that to my advantage because there were things that I was doing in Atlanta. I was like, all right, I still need to, you know, like, pay for stuff, and I still need to finagle saving some money. So when I get to New York, I can do. And then when I got to New York, you know, stuff was extra affordable apparently, at the time, because it was like, yo, well, we still out here balling off of all the that's been going on. And we always hustled out here. I was learning so much about New York. I just felt like it was so amazing to be in a city. And that was a leap of faith that I took, not knowing what was going to be on the other side of that. Moving to New York was something I was like, I don't know how this is going to bless me, but I know I. It's gonna bless me like quitting my job. It's like, I know that this is gonna bless me because I've already been blessed with this other opportunity that was different, but just two different situations where I knew I had to take a risk. But they were calculated risks. There were things. There was preparation involved. So even though quitting on the spot, I was like, I'm over it. It was really a pressure. I feel like it was a spiritual pressure. That's what I always say. A spiritual pressure built up at that moment. I was like, all right, we have to let this go right now. We have to let them know here at this time, we're not going to wake up tomorrow morning and say. And call them and come and say, I quit. This is the notice right now, tonight. Because this is the most responsible. Because what would. Because the petty me really wants to be like, this job. I'm actually gonna not come in tomorrow and they gonna be screwed. That's where my brain went. But then I calmed down and I was like, you know what? I actually don't have to do all of that because I'm good.

[A]

It's better to tell a today face. Yeah, quit Ho.

[C]

I remember telling. And it wasn't the one with the pink blazer Dustin and the pink boots. It wasn't that one. I know you always think about her. She's cool. She used to play a Disney princess at the theme park when she was younger, and she's done it for weddings. And I don't know why I told you about that, because you already hate her. But yes, friend, please.

[A]

Welcome to the Friends.

[C]

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. You guys know that we've talked about Squarespace for so many years because it is a necessity, okay? To have a digital presence that matters. And you can have your own over at Squarespace, like we. We do. Okay? Y' all know I've Talked about hey asante.com. that's some Squarespace all right. Everything about that, the hosting, the domain, I got that through Squarespace. And every dream needs a domain. Squarespace Domains makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair all inclusive price. No hidden fees or add ons required. Every Squarespace domain comes with advanced privacy and security tools included to ensure your domain remains online and protected. Plus, Squarespace provides everything you need to bring more views your dream to life. Whether that means building a website or adding a professional email service, don't wait to claim your name. Invest in your dream domain today and once you've got that domain, get discovered fast with integrated Squarespace SEO tools. Every website is optimized to be indexed with meta descriptions, an auto generated sitemap and more. So you show up more often on search engines and bring in more of your audience. Like I said earlier, I love Squarespace. I love that I use it. Squarespace. I've used Squarespace for I don't even know how long child. As long as we've talked about it on this show, I've used it. I have not had any issues with it. I haven't had to switch around or switch from it. So that's why I highly recommend it. Head over to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com friendzone to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's 10% off your first purchase of a website or [e-mail] Friend Zone Morning Zoe.

[A]

Got donuts.

[B]

Jeff Bridges, why are you still living above our garage?

[A]

Well, I dig the mattress and I want to be in a T mobile commercial like you teach me. So Dana.

[B]

Oh no, I'm not really prepared. I couldn't possibly at T Mobile get the new iPhone 17 Pro on them. It's designed to be the most powerful iPhone yet and has the ultimate pro camera system.

[A]

Wow, impressive. Let me try. T Mobile is the best place to get iPhone 17 Pro because they've got the best network.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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Dude, my work here is done.

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[B]

I always think of Crystal. I think she always says it best when she said she, the Reed was already in motion. It was starting to do well. They were seeing financial kickback and she still kept her job at MTV as the administrative assistant. And she didn't leave until she had a healthy enough savings and she felt that the Reed was fully funding her monthly expenses. And I really think that that, in my opinion, is the smartest way to do it.

[A]

Right? 100%.

[B]

Just like, if I leave this thing, will this new thing help me sustain? You really do have to consider that in this economy especially, right. I'm all for taking leaps of faith, but like Asante and Dustin said, it has to be calculated.

[A]

And I use a flashlight.

[C]

Okay?

[B]

You should be using your 9 to 5 to fund and build the foundation of this leap of faith. It can't just be jumping out there. I just don't think this is the time to do that. My situation was a little different because I had gotten fired. The job that I was working at the same time I was with Claude in the studio till 3, 4 in the morning, working on music, energetically funding the stream, right? Because I didn't have the money to. You can't really fund it in that way. But I was like pouring in the time. So I was coming to work and I was so exhausted, I didn't necessarily want to be there. I just was paying my bills, you know what I'm saying? And surviving. And the boss knew that I was trying to be an artist. I actually had a really big following on MySpace at the time, which is so funny. I had a really big following. Claude and I and this music collective we were a part of. I, y' all know, like Unique and Masha and there's like a bunch of us and Chuck and we were really going hard with this music shit. And admittedly I would come into later, come into work a little late and I and my boss knew, she knew about this thing. And she would tell me, like, I don't know why you trying to work here when you need to be Put in all that energy. You're supremely talented, you have the following. Your collective is amazing. And she jokingly would say, I need to fire you so you can get out of here. Funny enough, it all worked out because the daughter of like, the bigger boss had come in some one time and I don't know, she just had a weird energy. I don't know if she knew who I was at the time as far as, like, the music. Her boyfriend would come in, he had like a really flirtatious energy. Long story short, she essentially got me fired just because she didn't. She didn't want me there. And that was like, so silly. But I had already been coming in late, you know, like, everything kind of just worked out in a way. The other boss, my supervisor, she wasn't the boss, already knew that I didn't really want to be there. My coworkers knew I didn't want to be there. And in a way, Asante, like you said, I was taking up space. That's the reality of it. Now that I'm in my 40s, I can look back and see how that was immature in a lot of ways. But I also was surviving. Right, because you have.

[A]

I was just about to say, shit, I'm to trying, trying to make it. That's my space at the time that.

[B]

I'm taking up, right at the time. It's what I needed to do to make sure that I was sustaining. Luckily for me, I had saved up a ton of money. I've always been someone that has been a big saver. And when I came in that morning, the crazy thing is I came in late and the HR lady was sitting in my desk. I said, oh, fuck.

[C]

She's like, well, I've been here for a while.

[B]

I knew it was a rap because I'm like, oh, shit, she sees. I was like 10 minutes late. It was never like crazy late, but even 10 minutes is highly unprofessional. You know what I'm saying? She's sitting there with my supervisor. I already knew what it was. They had my little box and I remember putting my shit in the box. All my co workers were like, what the fuck? This is crazy. The only thing I will say is that you, if it was my first quote, unquote infraction, like when they give me. What is it?

[C]

Write up occurrence.

[B]

Yeah, it was my first one, which technically is not justifiable and sized.

[C]

Were you there?

[B]

I don't remember. Honestly, I repressed that time. Maybe even I don't really know, but they had never given me a write up. So I felt like to go from that one thing to just, boom, you're out. But I feel like it was a combination of things. The daughter of the boss was not fucking with me being at that office.

[C]

He didn't fit the company code, I.

[B]

Didn'T fit the company culture. My supervisor knew my music shit. Sometimes she would come in and I would be on my space like responding to comments. Granted, I was phenomenal at my job though. That's one thing you couldn't take away from me. The job was getting done and I was doing it so well that it would free me up to then be on MySpace like responding to comments me and Claude will be right working on on music like it was inappropriate. But all that to say I got fired. I remember being on the 6 train, on the 5 train, crying with this box, so embarrassed because I had never been in that position.

[A]

It's humiliating in the moment.

[B]

Yeah, it's really embarrassing walking out with this box. All your co workers know you got fired. I never experienced anything like that. I'm a kid that like did really well in school, went to all the schools I needed to go to, graduated. Everything I had done had been boop boop, poop, kind of in order. And so to be fired was embarrassing. And I, I was on the train like, holy. And you know, people know why you hold that box.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With your express clothes, you know what I'm saying? My little slacks, my little button up shirt and my little hard ass shoes from Steve Madden. They knew what the deal was. And so I remember just being so embarrassed and then coming, coming home, having to tell my mom, she was like, it is what it is. She gratefully was just like, you're always gonna be okay. I'm not really worried about you. Just onto the next, what's the next plan? And I remember thinking, I don't want another job. Yeah, I felt sad. I felt like, I don't want to do this again. I don't want to be in an office that I don't want to be at and pretending to be part of the company culture when I'm with Claude. And with Claude that was like life to me. It was life giving. I was so excited. I would be there for hours, it didn't matter. Barely had any food, but I would be so happy. And it made me realize like, maybe I need to put my energy into this. It was a scary decision because music is not one of those things that just because you put energy it's going to give you energy back. It's not that transactional. It's really just if it happens, it happens type shit.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I believed in my talent, and I believe that I had the right people and around me, and I had saved enough where I could because I was also still home. That was one of the blessings, Right. That kind of separates me too, where I had that cushion to fall back on. I wasn't paying for rent. I didn't have to worry about utilities and bills. I stayed my ass at home, and most of the things I was paying for was just get around money. Right. So commitment, commuting food. When I'm in Claude, me and him were broke as fuck. He was still at home. We would split salads and shit, we would jump turnstiles, anything to kind of save the little nest that we both had built. But his shit popped off really crazy. I started getting some kickback from that, just being his go to demo singer, you know. So everything kind of started working out. Obviously, as we see now, the music, Music did not pan out because of certain situations that kind of got in my way, beyond my control, certain people. And my health really tanked because of those people. But because my health tanked, as most of you know, I started writing, I guess, journal entries about my health and me trying to, like, figure out how to be healthier on top of Tumblr. And that's where hey, friend, hey kicked up. And then suddenly that became a thing, right? Where people would be like, oh, I love the hey, friend, hey blog. And they used to call it a blog, which was funny to me because I'm like, I'm just up here talking like, I wasn't a blogger at that time. I didn't even know what that meant. And that kicked off this whole new portal that turned into all of this physical 15, 16 years later where I am now fully sustained. And it wasn't planned, obviously. I didn't know I was gonna get fired. Obviously I didn't know what was gonna happen with the music. But what I kept doing was just, like, doing what I could each day, if that makes sense. You know what I mean?

[C]

It's like a recipe. And there were these, like, little markers for you on, like, little things that were happening. Like, you. You might not have seen it. You just felt it, you know, you just felt like the. That there was something happening.

[B]

That's all I could do. Like you said, it was like that spiritual pressure.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Only thing I did know was that I did not want to go back to a job. I didn't know anything else. I didn't know how I was going to. You know what's crazy? I had saved up $10,000. That was all I had. And I said to myself, you gonna have to figure it out because this is all the money you got. And that's a lot. It's not. It's not a lot. But at that time, if you're living at home, that's. That's all right. And that nest egg carried me for years, especially because Claude and I had each other's back. So we would pay for things for each other. So really we like took care of each other. And that helped me a lot. Obviously, my mom was there for me. So it's just like that was my story. That's what I'm saying. I don't encourage anyone to just like quit, you know? Cause I. I think you have to consider, can you take care of yourself? Especially in a market like this that is really volatile. I think a lot of these white people are piped up because of the discourse going on and opportunities might be getting a little scarce out here. You got to just consider the circumstances before you make any of those leap of faiths. But don't not take the chance.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know what I'm saying? Absolutely.

[C]

I just quickly want to say to you, friend, first thing is, I'm sorry that you got fired and you felt humiliated. I've been there. I got fired from a job and I actually called India afterwards and she, she. I remember her laughing. Not she was laughing at what happened, but something. There was something very, very funny about what was happening at that moment, but I needed to cry in that moment.

[B]

So real.

[C]

But it was something very, very funny about that. Second thing is when I think about the people that I worked with, even at that restaurant job, and I was like, I had to do all this to make these people happy. It makes me think about if you were one of my co workers, how you like. I wasn't mad about those people because in those moments, yes, it was annoying, but I still cared about those people, you know? So I think about even you being my coworker and you probably on your computer doing something that's not even work related, but you still are going to do the best job ever when you get to that part of the job. Right. I feel like when people are supervisors and stuff like that, they should look at certain employees and be like, all right, well, this person doesn't necessarily care about this job, but as long as they get the work done. But this person, they really Care about the job. I will look for this person if I need to, you know, some things to get done or if they want to move up in the company or whatever. And if this other person, if they show interest, cool. But if they don't, as long as they get their work done, I don't really give a damn. All right, girl, you're 10 minutes late. As long as you're not 20, 30 minutes late, you know, because I don't want to be coming up in here and find out things like, I feel like those things are what really make the people that are there want to be there, if they want to be there. People that don't want to be there don't want to be there. And there's nothing you can do about it except make sure they're getting the things done that they can. If, you know, someone doesn't want to be there and they're going to show up 10, 15 minutes late, getting in their ass does not make them want to be there even more on time the next time.

[B]

Honestly, I never understood that. And granted, I don't run a Fortune 500 or a company, and I understand that certain systems are in place for a reason to keep it running. But in my mind it's like yes, being late, wholly unprofessional. I don't think that there's really justification for that. But if when you looked at the work, right, it was always done. I never slacked. One thing about me is that I'm never a slack, right? My. My concept of time, terrible. But I. That probably to me is the only infraction they really had on me. Granted. Should I have been on MySpace responding to my commons during work hours? No. But if my work was done, then.

[A]

Get off my back, right?

[B]

Does it really matter what I'm doing in my office? Felt like a lot like 30 and.

[C]

Under, maybe 25 and under. Like give people breaks when they at work that are, you know, most things that like really affect other things.

[B]

And you know that most people, especially in New York, are hustling multiple gigs. Let's be real here. Most people are coming creatives, Most people are artists. Most people just have multiple jobs. And so for me, I kind of wish that she had just been like, oh, fuck it, let her be on her music shit. But as long as the work is getting done, I really don't have much to say about that. And I feel like that's what I didn't like about 9 to 5 culture. It felt more like this need to control your every move. More so than, like, the efficiency being taken into account. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Prioritized.

[B]

It's just like a power struggle. It's just wanting you to be the. This cog in their machine that they.

[A]

And I'm not doing that right.

[B]

And I felt uncomfortable with that because to me, it's like, what is this really about at the end of the day? And all the meetings about nothing. All the verbiage.

[C]

Mind you, some people, as much as there are people that hate those jobs, too. There are some. And not to say that we are talking against any of that, but there are some people that love those jobs.

[B]

Well, they thrive because their personalities are better suited for the. For those systems.

[C]

And I think that that's important.

[B]

And I remember my coworkers. There was one in particular. She was fired, like, always on time. Everything was just. She was so great. And I'm sure, even after I left that she probably ended up being the dang boss herself. And I see her now. We still follow each other on Instagram. She's like a mom with her kids and her husband, and everything is just so fly in her life, and I love that because that was what she wanted. The difference is it's not.

[A]

And that's what it's about right here.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And speaking of the humiliation, one of the co workers DM'd me a couple months ago, which kind of tripped me out. This is a very long time ago. I'm, like, in my early 20s at this point. And she remembered me and said, oh, my God, I'm just putting two and two together that you are my old fucking coworker.

[A]

And she had been listening to the show for a minute.

[B]

She'd been listening. I don't know what happened that made her make the connection at this point, because that's such a long time ago. I'm 43 at this point. But I thought that was really funny because she was so tricky. And in my mind, I said, oh, I know. She was there when I walked out with my little box and my little plant.

[A]

And I'm still in the stapler. Yeah, but that, you know. Exactly. Well, that's cool. But, yeah, have a plan. I might already. Imani, have a plan.

[B]

Yes. Like, do it. Absolutely. Do it. Because look how. How. How this has worked out for us, and it does work out for a lot of people, but there are also a lot of people that it doesn't. I don't want that to hold you back, but I just want you to always be able to take care of yourself at the end of the day, right? Ty lease asks, with the influx of talking heads and social media platforms being given to almost anyone with WI fi to say anything publicly and give opinions regarding reputable pods like yours, how do you all manage when unfavorable viral moments pop up? And because you all are more of a community of friends that have allowed us in with different podcasts that we have the ability to peek in and out of when it happens. In what ways do you all support each other? It's going to be hard to hear outsiders comment on your. Your friends and vice versa. It would take a lot for me to keep quiet. I'm not sure how y' all do it, she said, especially Dustin, cuz I know he'd be wanting to go off. Yeah. For over a decade, I've seen your group of friends continue to grow, dodge the mess, which I love. But how difficult is it to keep it cute when you wanna cross some T's and dot some I's?

[A]

It's not difficult because we're professionals. I'll speak for myself. I'm a professional. Right. Recently, you know, it's been things going on in the media and stuff and with people that we know and love. And I get asked about it, you know, I got asked about some things yesterday and I just answered the question, you know what I mean? And placed the focus where I thought it belonged and that was that. And I have enough respect for my friends professional efforts as well to handle their affairs with care. And so although it would feel good to just let the child chopper sing, you know what I'm saying, on people, you have to be responsible and you have to be a professional. So that's really the compass I use.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That ensures that I don't do that Asante.

[C]

I mean, I feel like we exist in this age where people like to say the Internet isn't real. So the things that happen online don't really. They affect me. Yes. But I'm also not compelled to respond because I feel like that's not effective for me or to me. So there's really nothing that moves me to do that. I. I think to myself that the friends that I have that are in this space I've had since original Twitter. And I always think about this is so random and I'm so sorry that I'm taking on this weird journey. I always think about fade in the shade. That was when people on Twitter, like when they were acting like if we, if we're gonna fight, we really gonna fight. Like, let's meet up. And it's like, I don't really think that anybody is trying to. Wants like a moment. And because people want moments. I don't. I'm not a moment person to give people moments. Like, I don't. I don't even live in that energy or that space to do that.

[B]

So we know what it is a lot.

[C]

We know our friends. I know them in real life. If anybody. Like, I just. There's not a reason for me to make it a thing. That's not a thing. So I don't.

[B]

I think too. When you are a public. Public figure. I hate to say it, but it comes with the territory.

[C]

Yeah. To a certain degree. Yes.

[B]

Never your first rodeo. Obviously there's varying degrees of, you know, virality. But for me, I focus on the. The mental health of my friends and peers. Right. So I'm not gonna pour energy into the audience because they don't know me and I don't know them. And honestly, there's nothing you can say or do. You're just kind of yelling at a wall at that point. But I check in with my friends. Are you good? Do you need anything? Because you're the one that I know. You're the one that I care about. You're the one that I have a relationship with. And that's where I'm gonna folk. That's what I'm gonna focus on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And have discourse in private with the people that I love so that they feel safe enough to share how they're feeling, to share their concerns. You know what I mean? We share ours. And I'm very much the list to it at home and figure it out amongst ourselves. And I think that that's what has allowed us to continue on as friends in these different spaces. Because we take care of home first.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And kind of don't jump in anywhere else because it's really pointless.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like a speeding train. Right. We're not. You can't really stop it.

[C]

I see people.

[A]

People who literally go out of their way to have just to. To. To respond to something that I may have said or react to something that I may have said and challenge the things that I say. And it'll be account. I'll go to the page on Twitter. It's that. That's typically where it happens. And it's people that dedicate their lives to.

[B]

To being.

[A]

Being snarky or whatever. You know what I mean? And probably see how I move. Know that that's not. Not something I do. But know that I Am a person who can be triggered enough to respond. And so they'll try to entice me or goad me into that moment. And I'll never give you the motherfucking satisfaction. Never. You could die on that keyboard before you get a word out of me. It's not gonna happen. I'm never gonna allow you to take me into that space. It's never gonna become a serious issue. I don't give a damn about your opinion and how you feel in the first place. So that's not going to now materialize into a confrontation because. Between me and you. Because you hopped over here. So sometimes, yeah. My general practice is cracking a joke and keeping it moving. I don't even give some people that. Some people I just literally ignore.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't have to block you. Nothing. I see you. I see you. And I'm never responding to you because we're never going to have what I know that you want us to have so badly right now. Never happening. And then it is hard to not respond to certain things, but sometimes in life you have to to work hard to yield a certain result. So yes, it does take patience and hard work not to respond, but that's what it takes to not respond.

[B]

Yeah. And you have a point about the times that I've seen someone say something fucked up to me when I'll go to their page. It's just a lot of fucked up things being said to a lot of people and that it almost never fails. I'm talking about nine times out of ten that person is in such a fucked up space and I'll see them yelling at a million people and really spending their time talking about absolutely nothing. And I have to check myself to be like, are you really going to let someone that this is what they spend their time to change how you feel about your day or how you feel about yourself? Granted, sometimes people will say things that will ping a little because there might be something that I believe, you know, like that's kind of hurt your feelings because it might be like low key, you know, but for the most part it's just people that want to be mean. I've had people be so mean that I'd be like, damn, like that's some wild shit. And I have to really just like let them be that it doesn't always.

[A]

Look like a troll. A lot of times it comes from people who have accounts that are positioned to appear as intellectuals or industry experts on something. And they'll see that I'm a opinionated and I'LL have something to say about. I, like. I had made a comment about the door girl one time at this club in New York that a lot of people know. I'm not even gonna say who it is, but y' all know who I'm talking about. There's a club here with a notorious door person who is not nice. And so. But she's revered in her industry. And so. And I didn't know nothing about none of that, nor do I give a. I still said what I said, you know, and it was a joke, you know, but there were voices hopping into my quotes and what you not gonna do? And it's people who pose as intellectuals or I'm a gay expert on this or whatever. I'm a voice in the community. Well, you're gonna be silenced over here, Hoe. Because I'm not gonna argue with you. And I see exactly what you doing. I peep game, you know? I peep game. I see you. I'm never gonna say nothing to you. I'm talking about Twitter, specifically. I'm never gonna say nothing to. You can keep talking about to the wall. Because you're never getting that moment with me. Never.

[B]

Yeah. And it's people who just already don't like you. And so when they see that, they're getting like, oh, shit, I gotta jump in. I gotta say something. Cause I don't fuck with this person.

[C]

And we've all been here.

[B]

Yeah, it happens, and it sucks. I always tell the story of when I was on YouTube and I was on my own planet, just happy to make my content. Nowhere did I think that I would have people speaking about me in such terrible ways. And when I had been sent a link to some shit that people were saying, I remember I was so shocked.

[A]

Cause you can't believe that you can take.

[B]

Yeah. Cause it was like a level of cruelty and a level of vitriol and anger and hatred for me. And then people also, like, being detectives, finding out who I was with and where and things that I'm like, I never even talked about that online. Posting pictures of things from my personal just. It was scary. And remember all of y' all came over to my house. Cause I was, like, having a breakdown about it. And it made me feel like I don't even know if I want. Like, shea butter is not that serious. I don't know if I want to do this anymore. And it felt so good to have my community come over and remind me, like, you're fine. This is just what happens, you know? And it felt Good to have y'. All. And we all. I think we ordered pizza and just kicked it in my living room. And. And, like, it was. I won't say it was forgotten because the sting still stings, but it just was a reminder. Like, the people in your real life know who you are, and they love you and they're always going to be there. And that's really helpful, which is why, in turn, that's why I pour my energy when any of us get put in that situation and kind of just need that reminder, that backup, just let it die.

[A]

When you catch a hoe in person, you walk down on. That's my thing with all these. All these voices on the Internet. It's like, lot of black gay.

[B]

Because they won't say nothing when they see you.

[A]

It's a lot of black gay voices on the Internet that seek out opportunities to challenge certain things I do and say. And I see you hoes, but I'm. I'm never going. You know what I'm. You is never going to go me into it. But if I ever see you, I will absolutely ask you, like, why you be doing that? I see you. You know what I'm saying? Like, what's up? You got a problem? You know, I will do that.

[B]

And they won't. They won't.

[A]

I'm never in the room. Remember years ago, you had ran across some shit that somebody had said about me. You remember who I'm talking about, too? And I have been good to those people. And to this day, I have never been in the same room with them again.

[B]

That says a lot.

[A]

But that's just. That's how life works. So that's what I'm saying. Just try your best to ignore people. Person who wrote the question. I try my best to ignore people, and then I stand in it. They be mad at me because I be like, yeah, I did it last night on Carlos show. I was like, yeah, that's my friend. And if y' all thought I was gonna say anything other than that's my friend, and that's it.

[B]

Good luck.

[C]

Right?

[A]

Y' all got me all the way fucked up. Not Carlos and Claudia, but the audience.

[B]

No, of course.

[A]

Yeah. Like, yeah. So anyway, go ahead.

[C]

I think about the Internet and how we've been Interneting for a long time, right, friend? YouTube. You remember your YouTube comments? What were your YouTube comments like, when you used to make videos? Like, they were pretty much all, like, you. Not even positive, just, like, informed. Right? Like, it wasn't like.

[B]

Honestly, I didn't get a Lot of hate on YouTube, to be honest.

[C]

Okay, you're making my point. I want to make sure I didn't miss it.

[B]

I'd probably get maybe two, three mean comments. And it wasn't even mean mean. It was more like people talking about how you look or maybe you pronounced a word wrong. You know, it was like people always needing to, like, challenge you in that way. It was never like vitriol. I really didn't have that. That was always off site.

[C]

Okay. I'm so happy that you said that. Right. Because I feel like there was something that happened. Right. I don't know if because of spam and. Or people want to hate. Watch now. I just feel like something turned where we just feel like comments make the story or make the content now. And commentary. Yes, it is informative and it is valuable, but I feel like people have. They've lost the plot. Like, you remember we were complaining about reviews. Like how sometimes the review won't even be about the actual product. They'll just be mad about, you know, a service pertaining to the product. Or somebody like, oh, I didn't even get this. I just hate xyz. I feel like people they used to hate or they hate now just because it's cool, or they see a bunch of people are doing it, so they want to say the most hateful or funniest hateful comment, or they want to say the most insightful comment because they have the most information and they're the most intellectual people they just want to put on because, like, in spaces like Twitter, it's a platform. So now that people see this tweet, they see me responding to this, they're going to see me as somebody reputable in the space to do other do xyz. Or they see me as like our friend group.

[A]

Damn fool, you look like right?

[C]

And our friend group, I hate to say this, I don't even want to acknowledge this, but our friend group is like a case study to people because they see us all as friends that are successful, but it's not. Because we all just decided, well, I'm going to be successful and all my friends better be successful. Like, it's like we all are just.

[B]

People that panned out.

[C]

We're all people that just happened upon each other because we have similar, similar values of being black, amazing, and wanting other people to be black and amazing too. Like, it's not like we just. We're not plants. I don't know. Like, I feel like people are trying to study us to figure out certain things. So when something happens with one, they have to know everything. But then other people that see this wave of people enjoying us individually, collectively, they're like, well, what's going on over there? So now they have to investigate and say something and put their two cents in. Whether it's bad or intellectual, like, it's just too much sometimes.

[B]

The shift too is the content of. About content. That was the shift because early on we were making content. Everyone had something to offer. You were either. Like I said, I think last week's episode, there was a natural hair girls. There was a, you know, everyone was. Had a niche.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And had an offering. And you built a following based on what you're offering. But now, I don't know when exactly, but there was a turn where now it was like, I'm gonna make a video about your video.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then that's. And that became the change because now it was like, oh, people are making. Making videos, recapping my videos. Even the weirdness on TikTok of like you using someone else's voice and then like reenacting what they're saying, but it's your face and their voice. I remember when I first saw that, I was like, what is this? I didn't understand why that became a thing. And like you doing a voiceover of someone else's voice or you just sitting in a video silent, but you're feeling face is reacting to someone else's video and they're almost miming through like there's just like a weird aspects of the Internet that I think changed content and that's what changed everything. Where now it's content about content. But anyways, right.

[C]

It's because everybody. It's because everybody has something to say. That's why I was like lost the plot. Because like every. Everything is valuable. Right. But it's like to what end? To what degree?

[A]

I always think everything is valuable. Valuable person.

[C]

I think, I think that.

[A]

Well, I'm just being honest.

[C]

I don't. No, no. Well, because my next statement was going to be. I always think about my acting class when my drama teacher, he said, well, if everything is, you know, if everything is necessary, then nothing is necessary. And I think that's the problem. We're. We're getting so much that it's becoming. It was some Shakespeare or something I don't want to miss. But it's funny because we're getting so much like you're saying now. It's content about content, it's content on content. Content. There's gonna be. Now this is A this. Oh God. Now I'm thinking about that episode of Black Mirror Joan, Bad Joan where at the very end of that episode, because it's the actress playing this Joan, like they really broke this up, like 5th or 10th wall or whatever the they were trying to do. But I feel like that's what we're doing now in this moment. Like we're talking about the content on content and that's this content for this particular part of the segment. But it's because it's like some of it is beneficial and some of it is nutritional in certain aspects. But not everything that everybody has to say needs to be said. And I feel like that's where when people are like, oh, the Internet is not real. So I'm just gonna say whatever the I want to say. It's like, no, you need to log off or like you need to start like people need to learn that. I don't want to say that your comment isn't always necessary, but for me, I'm the type is like, you know, do you always need to ask yourself, is this the hill I want to die on? It's like, I don't care about this. I'm not gonna reply to this person about whatever the they saying.

[A]

I want to know what, I want.

[C]

To know what say about this happening. Because I know that they, they're mad to see that you don't know that I'm this or that. Like so you don't need to know what I'm going to say because like you said friend, because then what?

[B]

Yeah, but Dustin Ross, let's do a fun one. If you had to choose a new city for the Real Housewives, what city would you choose and who would you cast? And this is, is from Michelle.

[A]

I think we need Detroit. I think we need Detroit. There's a lot of, there's a lot of, of auto execs that live in the area that have, you know, seven figure salaries and lifestyles that, you know, reflect that there are a lot. And these people have wives that have stories. There's a lot of Holy rollers, you know, mega church pastors and shit with a lot of money in Michigan and the Detroit area. We could even get more specific the same way that like they have the Real Housewives of Potomac, which represents the Washington D.C. area. There's areas of Detroit that like we could do the Gross points, the Real Housewives of Grosse Pointe. There's an area of these small villages of Grosse Pointe that are on the perimeter of metro Detroit. And it's Wealthy. And there's people over there with fascinating lives. So I would really love to see Detroit. I think it would be a great opportunity to have a diverse first cast. We can have a predominantly black cast and then also representation as well.

[C]

Oh, she lives in Atlanta.

[A]

Sorry. Well, she knows she lives in Detroit now.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

She moved back to Detroit and she's. She's doing her thing. And she's a NFL girlfriend. She's a wag now because, you know, her man plays for the. For the Eagles, Darius Smith.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

She'll be at the games and, like, custom little outfits and to support him. It's the cutest thing in the world. But anyway, Ms. Detroit. And then also, I think Texas. I think we need another. Another take at Texas. We need Houston and we need Dallas. Houston has that huge medical community. You know, there's so much. There's so many power players in medicine that they can have a dynamic cast of women there in Houston. Then we can have a black Dallas. I think we need a Black Housewives franchise in Dallas. So those two. Those three places, Detroit and then two Texas franchises. Houston and Dallas. That's it.

[B]

I love it. Asante. Handsome Mandela. Love that name. Says with us both being Pisces birthdays legit. 2 days apart from each other. Hey, I already know that music is our therapy when everything just seems like it's going to complete shit. What song can you put on and listen to that will take you to that place in your mind to let you know that everything will be all right? Says for me it's Moments in Love by the Art of Noise. I feel you. That really will take you there.

[C]

This is gonna be so random and so funny, but I just listened to this song two or three days ago. She's gonna be so mad. India Sean has a song called Be Myself.

[B]

Oh, my God, I love that song.

[C]

I love that song.

[B]

Is that from the Origin Project?

[A]

The Origin.

[C]

Incredible. That's all I gotta do. It's such a beautiful song, and I think about that song all the time. She's got a lot of beautiful songs. But India is my go to for a lot of things. And I know that's probably weird to somebody that's like, I know that's your friend, but I. I truly listen to my friends like that.

[B]

Good.

[C]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So India, Sean, Be Myself is like my go to song where I just know, like, everything is going to be okay. All I have to do is be myself. I have to as a pioneer. Pisces too. That is the one for me.

[B]

I will say that I love that. Michelle asked me, how old were you when you discovered that you had a talent for singing? And do you think that your path still would have led you to where you are now if you were still a part of the music industry? So I remember vividly the Little Mermaid had come out. And I remember. And I remember memorizing. Look at this stuff. Isn't it?

[A]

What did you think?

[B]

My collection. And I memorized it. And my friend, my best friend, friend in elementary school, shout out to Jasmine. We snuck in during lunch to the cafeteria. I know I've told the story before. And we jumped on stage and I was performing it. Obviously nobody was there. It was just me and her. But she was, like, doing the dancing in the background. She wanted to be a dancer. And I'm, like, singing my heart out. What we didn't know was that the music teacher's office was behind the curtain. His office was in the auditorium behind the big red drapes. All of a sudden, the drapes come open and we were, like, about to shit ourselves. Because we're like, we're about to be in hella trouble, mind you. We're babies. I had to be, like, 7 or 8. And he said, which one of you was just singing? And we looked at each other like, oh, shit. And I was like, me. And he was like, I need to.

[C]

Talk to your mom.

[B]

No. He was like, I need to talk to your mom asap. And, you know, I'm thinking. Thinking, like what? I'm thinking I'm in trouble. But then he did talk to my mom, like, he was dead serious. He said, you have to put this little girl in vocal classes. You have to get her in dance classes. We gotta do something with this child. And it was his seriousness about this and him, for real, following through to actually talk to my mom that did something to me because it was like, oh, he meant this. He really thinks I'm talented. Yeah. And you're. You're seven, eight. That's your baby.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And my mom knew, and everyone in my family knew I had, like, musical inclinations because all of my Christmas gifts would be, like, xylophones and little guitars and. But for some reason, it was him. His, like, need to know who was singing and where's your mom?

[C]

You thought it was fun before.

[B]

Yeah. Did something to me that made me. I remember that day of feeling like, oh, my God, am I, like, a really good singer?

[C]

He taking this serious shit out of me.

[B]

Yeah. I was like, am I a good singer? Like, that's so cool that it made him run out to the stage and we didn't get in trouble. So that said a lot to me. And my mom was like, damn. You know, and it kind of made her look at it like, I don't know, maybe we gotta do something with this. And she put me in the dance classes and then I was working with him. So that, to me, I always say, is when I realized that there was something there. I knew I could sing in terms of I was the kid that liked to sing, so I was gonna do it regardless. But in terms of like, the world affirming that for me and making me feel me, that was absolutely the moment. Your second part of the question was, do I think that the path would have brought me to where I am now? Absolutely not. If I had been in the music industry, I would've had a completely different life. I would have been a completely different person.

[C]

You'd been more bougie.

[B]

I truly believe that I would have been a completely different person. Because you have to be a specific type of person to make it in this industry. It's a lot of why I didn't, to be honest.

[C]

Yo, if I would have met you with your music Persona, friend, because, you know, everybody got one.

[B]

Absolutely. India will tell you because for those who don't know India, Sean and I met at the studio when I lived in Atlanta and was an artist. And I remember I had this big long hair, these big, big thigh high boots. Don't know what the vibe was, but I was in a different space.

[C]

Frank, you're gonna have to dig up some photos for me.

[B]

I will send them to you. I remember I had these big glasses. It was sort of like urban, but still a little butthole, but still a little eccentric. It was interesting. I don't know what I was going for, but I was in the studio and that was my life, right? Just living in Atlanta, going to the studio, working out of Tricky and Dreams.

[C]

You were an artist?

[B]

Yeah, the artist. That's how I met. That's how I got really tight with India, Sean and PJ Morton, who actually became two of my closest friends, who are still my closest friends till today. And Mareeba, like, it was really that Atlanta grind. And so I know that I would have pushed forward. I would have had to be a different person because my personality of who I am now, that puts my comfort before anything doesn't work in that industry. It just doesn't. You have to say yes. You have to be willing to.

[A]

Gotta play the Game.

[B]

There's a game that you have to play.

[A]

Funny enough, not with the executives. I mean, as far as like the way you have to show up in order to see success, it's totally different.

[C]

It would literally be a different person today if you were down that we would not be here. I don't know. I know you would be somewhere successful, but the way you would.

[B]

But I don't know if I would think back to that. I don't know how far I would have gotten because I think of artists in a method. Amel Larouche, to me, she's always a great example. She just was like, nah. Like, as beautiful as that woman is incredible songwriter. She has everything. There's really nothing missing with Amelie Rue. But she just was like, hell, no. It's a lot of the things. And me. This is me knowing, like back end information. A lot of the expectations that they were trying to put on her on how. How she needed to look, the type of music she needed to make, showing her body a little bit more because she's a beautiful woman playing more into her looks and just the expectations of groove theory. Her as a solo artist, she just wasn't fucking with it. And I think when you don't fuck with it, you get punished in a lot of ways. And so I think. I don't know how far I would admit it because I'm not that person.

[C]

Well, I'll do the Nora C version of this.

[B]

Will you know, we are the Midnight Library episode we're gonna do where we're gonna talk a little deep what life would have been like if we had made different decisions.

[C]

But in that version, I want you to remove the things that you know about other people. I want you to put some good markers in there for you haven't made it and still be on the same.

[B]

Right. And what that would have looked like. Right? Because that could have. I'm sure it would have been amazing.

[C]

Throw some Asante Dulu in there. Okay. Just for me, please.

[B]

We can definitely do that. Let me pick a fun one for Ahsante because we definitely have to get out of here soon. To Mika asks Asante, have you figured out your ikigai? I feel like you would know what that is. She said, have you figured out.

[C]

You brought that up on the show once?

[B]

Did I? Have you figured out what you're great at that you would do for free and could get paid for it?

[C]

So the ikigai. That was because I remember you had said it and I was like, I know that is just off the word, but I didn't know what it was. So the ikigai was that chart where your passion, profession, vocation and mission, they all, like, cross over what you love, what you good at, what you need. Like, like friend. This is like friend 101. So that's. So no, I have still not figured out my iki guy just because I, I, I figured out a part of it for sure. Because I feel like I love doing this. And definitely, like, this is work. And like, there's so many things about this that I feel like, like brought me so many things I've been called to do that brought me to this spot, this space. And that's why I even think about all the, the things that we share. How is super important. Like friend. I think about all the things that you've been through, Dustin, all the things that you've been through and all the things that I've shared that I've been through. Like, we've all had different experiences, but we're all the same. And I feel like that's important. But to answer your question, I feel like, yes, I have. You know, this podcast definitely is part of that. You know, it's part of my makeup and it makes, huh, Part of your itch.

[A]

And go itching.

[B]

Go.

[C]

As you scratch, as you scratch, as you scratch the hell out your shoulder.

[A]

I feel so good too. Cause I need to put my nails. Oh, my God. Go ahead, though.

[C]

I just think that I'm doing something right and this show is definitely, like, confirmation of that. And I am trying to work towards, like, the next right thing, you know? Like, I just want to make sure I'm doing things that are good, like, at their root. Like, we are all good at our root. Like, we all care. We all want more for ourselves, but because we want more for other people. Like, we're not haters. That's one thing that I love about our friend group. We all have our opinions, and it, it doesn't mean that we want anything bad inherently or evil to happen to anybody. We just want to. Most people, we want, like, to, well, to evil people. We don't care about them. Like, to the people that we're talking to that receive us, these are the people that we want to feed. You know, we want all that so that I'm so, like, passionate about. Like, that's just really what I want to, like, bury my life in just helping other people to some degree. Like, I wish I could be more serious in other ways and cure homelessness, but it's like, I don't feel like I, I could feel like, yeah, I could help, but I, I like to do things that I feel like are super attainable. And I know that that sounds terrible, but I, I feel like it's attainable for me to make money doing good to the world. And sometimes I do things that are not the best, but I do do what I can. Yeah.

[B]

Dustin, Raina Ellis asks, how do we. How do we make Sundays, birthdays and new and nye. Right. New Year's Eve fun? Throughout my life, I've experienced sadness on Sunday. Sadness on my birthday and on New Year's Eve because these are. Because the expectations tend to be bigger than the outcomes. But I know that these are all things that you love. Yes. So she's like, how do you, how does one do that?

[A]

You gotta pour yourself into it, darling. First of all, like, you gotta let them bad memories just be that, bad memories. And you gotta surround yourself with people that you know you're gonna enjoy and have good times with. You gotta make laughter your compass. Cause for all birthdays, Sundays and New Year's Eve are all about enjoying enjoying yourself with other people. Sunday Funday birthday celebrations, New Year's Eve celebrations, Birthday birthdays and New Year's Eve celebrations are both opportunities for fresh starts or to look at things as, as new possibilities. And so just try to have a positive outlook and perspective on those. And then Sunday, you worked all damn week. You can let your hair down with your homegirls, homeboys, home nims just have you, you know what I'm saying? A good time like Sundays are about rewarding yourself for six days of hard work or five shit of hard work, and you enjoy yourself on Sunday. So just kind of pour back into yourself then and be positive and hopeful about the outcomes of your birthday and New Year's Eve celebrations. Like, create them that way and you'll be good. And then you see what I'm talking about? Yeah.

[B]

Right. You have to tie in some good memories for you. You have to start fresh. Right?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

You got to.

[B]

One last personal one for you, Dustin. Tamika asks if you feel comfortable in answering this. What advice would you give young people who want to separate from Jehovah's Witness Kingdom hall, but want to maintain a relationship with their family that remains involved in the church?

[A]

I would suggest that you, you're only responsible for your contribution to relationships and the sustainability of them. Right. When you're in relationship with people who are very structured and regiment regimented from a religious view, they kind of stick to that and they Kind of are unwavering. So you just kind of get in where you fit in and you keep your expectations reasonable. And you also make, make sure that you're being respected in those relationships. Sometimes when you're the person who has deviated from whatever everyone else thinks the norm is, you can be treated with in a condescending way like, oh, we're still going to be nice to you anyway, but we right and you wrong, but we still love you. We still gonna be nice to you. Don't take that either. You know, don't lead with love, don't create a combative environment. But always make sure that you're respected and respect their beliefs the same way you want to be free to live according to your own rules. Excuse me, According to. According to your own rules. Respect the fact that these are the rules in the life that they've chosen and allow them to do that. Don't try to persuade nobody to feel no other kind of way. Just do you. Don't take no shit from your family. Make them respect you. You respect them and lead with love. And that's all you can do, baby.

[B]

Yeah, that's real. Asante. A fun one for you. Veronica said, I heard Charlotte has top tier studs. Is it true? And where do they be? Because she said my birthday is coming up and I would like to be tricked on.

[C]

Veronica.

[B]

Veronica was asking some funny ass shit.

[C]

You know Veronica, that is very funny for several reasons. But the only honest answer that I have for you is I know one stud in Charlotte and you can't have her. So that's like the one thing that I have for you. I don't know where they be at. I just know where this one stud is and I'm not gonna tell you where she is. She's mine. So that's literally all I have for you.

[B]

Gonna have to text me. I need to know who this is.

[C]

You know who it is. I think you know who it is.

[B]

That's why I'm asking. Cause there's one that I feel like I know cause she's big daddy out there.

[C]

Maybe we're talking about two different ones, but I, I need to see who you're talking about.

[B]

Shout out Charlotte options.

[A]

Shout out to them videos where they be like, what's your stud name? What's your real name? I could watch those for hours. It's so, and it's so funny because the studs be cracking up when they say their birth name. It's so funny. Go ahead.

[B]

Anan asked me where my glasses all the cute ass glasses I'd be wearing on the show. I wonder why she didn't want me to say her name. But I respect it. The cat eye. The cat eye. Cat eye. Glasses you see me with tends are all loewe. If you see like, you know, like these, this style. These are all the way they. And then the ones that look like nerd glasses. Those are actually a company called Secretary. It's this young indie sun sunglass company that I found on TikTok.

[A]

Funny enough for crazy administrative assistance.

[B]

It's spelled S. Why? Like Secretary. I don't know why I saw that. But they're cute and they're cheap. They're like 20 bucks. There's 25 bucks. Something like that. But they're so cute. People always ask me where they're from. So, yeah, they tend to be Loewe. I just feel like that cat eye kind of gives me that cute little teacher vibe that I'd be going for. And then one last question for the collective. I'm trying to think how do we end it strong, right? These are good questions. Weren't they? You guys send in so much stuff and was really hard to pick actually at Veronica. I'mma. Because you had me cracking up. She said if. If y' all could spend the day inside of a music video. Oh, as in the world in the video is real. Which music video would you pick? Such a good question, right?

[C]

Oh, damn. You know what? This is so random. Any of them futuristic videos. So I don't know. It's a toss up between Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, because you know what's the Mariah Carey camera on that track? I need you boy. Like was she up in the office looking good as damn. And there's one more that's like that. Oh, well, now she was inside of a motorcycle. I'm about to say Aaliyah more than a woman. But she was inside of a motorcycle just in. Just it look like the club. You know. I just want to be in the club with a Leah and them that little motorcycle club.

[B]

Damn. That's a good question.

[A]

I have always wanted to be in the Biggie One More Chance remix video. Everybody knows that that is like when in that house party like with Mary and everybody's there. That is. That is. Everybody know that's. That is 100, 100% me. Two wild cards would be the Remember the Time video. Michael Jackson. I feel like that would have been like, hell yeah, come on. You know? And actually three. I also that that and ain't it the way you make me feel when him and the girl are like flirting going down the street. Michael Jackson and the girl, they like.

[B]

Flirting, like in the alley and they're walking. He's like walking behind her.

[A]

Yeah, I would love to do that. You know, I like flirty shit. And then take On Me by. Aha. When they slam it into that wall. Like, that video means a lot to me. So, yes, those three, those four, however fuck many it was. Them videos.

[B]

I love that. See mine. I've always loved the club videos, right? Like Maya and Beanieman. Girls. Girls.

[C]

Oh, girls dump sugar.

[B]

Girls dump sugar, right?

[C]

I was just watching that the other day.

[B]

Those videos were always my shit. Like, I always felt like I wanted to be in there dancing with them. Or even like Rihanna work it because that's kind of like a similar or. And obviously this was a sad song, but like Lauryn Hill, what was it? The one about the X. X Factor. X Factor. But it was the club part and.

[A]

The slow motion shots.

[B]

Sad, sad story. But the slow motion shots and the. And the lighting and everybody was like real dewy. Their skin.

[A]

Dabadidoo.

[B]

Those videos were always so beautiful to me, actually. Speaking of, I saw that Diane Martell, who was like the director that really carved the vision for what music videos look like in the 90s. For real. Like, she worked with everybody from like Mariah to Beyonce to the rappers Mobb Deep. I saw that she recently passed. Really young too. I believe it was from cancer. Want to say rest in peace to her for really, like, set in the tone of what. Yeah, of how they were shot and the angles, the lenses that were used and the storytelling. So, yeah, that I think I just always love the club. The club videos. I don't know why. It's just so good.

[C]

I thought about Candy. Don't think I'm not Candy.

[B]

Don't. I don't know what that.

[C]

I know you ain't seen that video.

[A]

It's a dance video. But you. Candy, her ankle was broken and she wasn't dancing in that video. That's why the whole video, everybody's dancing around her, around her. And she's like just. Just kind of playing to the camera because she had broke her ankle. She talks about it all the time and nobody knows that. Yep.

[B]

That's so crazy. But that's it for us. I hope you guys enjoyed this. Like I said, it was so many questions. I think, you know, you guys asked us a lot of stuff. I literally have like 10 pages left of. Of questions both for the collective and the individual one. So we'll definitely do a part two.

[A]

When you said 20 questions, I literally was like, huh. Okay. I was like, let's see how this goes. Probably fine.

[B]

It's hard, right? It is better to have them all prepped 100. Because the worst thing would have been for us to answer them quick and then be like, so let's play this or that.

[A]

Like some stupid. Yeah, I agree. This is great.

[B]

Yeah, this was fun. Just a little bit different for us collecting that. Yeah, we. Like I said, we've done this a few times, I feel, over the past decade, but I think it's always good to tap in with you guys, get some questions answered. I will say there were a lot of questions in, particularly for Dustin about saying, like, what is it? Like, where does that come from? Or one. One listener said, what is the lore about the nurse and the husband thing? She says she tried to find it in so many episodes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where. And we talked about this before, too. Right. Like a lore episode where we talk about the inside jokes and some of the commentary that you might hear us say and where it comes from.

[A]

So let's put out a call right now. Right. If you have questions regarding that. Some of the friends on Lore, or just some of the things contextually that we repeat and that make up the fabric of the show, send them to Fran and Asante, and then they'll run them to me, and then that's what we'll do. Yep. So we can get that together. I'll do it for my next episode.

[B]

I'll put it together. And Asante, I have to say, you telling people to do the crying baby emoji was hilarious last week because you said, if you got this far, do a crying baby emoji. But there is no crying baby emoji. So everybody. Daddy was just putting babies. And then the crying, they was like, we don't know what the. You was talking.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

No, because I said. I said the crying emoji and the baby emoji, if you made it to.

[B]

A certain point, crying baby. So I saw everyone being like, I couldn't find it. What is that emoji? So they.

[C]

I was probably talking crying. Maybe I was. Look how smart.

[A]

But look how smart our audience is. They did it. They said, we're gonna make a way. We're gonna put the crying and the baby.

[B]

You look on Patreon, I didn't think.

[C]

They was gonna make a.

[B]

So funny. There's like 40 comments of just babies, baby heads, and crying emojis. But thank you guys for sending in your questions. We hope you enjoyed this Friend Zone pod. Q and A. We love you guys so much. Thank you for hanging out with us yet another week and we will see you guys next week.

[C]

Stay black and protect your magic.

[B]

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