Stacked Like Jenga - Featuring Jade & XD

Summary

The Friend Zone Podcast

Episode: "Stacked Like Jenga" feat. Jade & XD

Date: March 19, 2025
Hosts: Dustin Ross, Hey Fran Hey (Francesca), Asante
Guests: Jade & XD (Jade & XD Podcast)

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Episode Overview

This episode is an honest, hilarious, and heartfelt exploration of "adulting"—the often overwhelming, unexpected, and under-discussed responsibilities and challenges that come with growing up. The hosts are joined by Jade and XD, frequent collaborators and the dynamic duo behind the Jade & XD podcast, for a wide-ranging conversation that pivots from hilarious personal anecdotes to the real grief, confusion, and indignities of adult life. The central throughline: no matter how old we get, life keeps stacking on new challenges—just like Jenga.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Birthdays, Stand-Up, and Milestones

Timestamps: 01:03 – 19:19

• The crew celebrates birthday milestones for Asante and Tamar Braxton (with hilarious commentary).
  • “Tamar, we are tired. You 48 years old, dog. 48. … Stop yelling.” – Dustin Ross (05:18)
• Dustin shares the triumph of his first stand-up show at City Winery NYC, supported by friends, family, and listeners.
  • “It felt so good. I was surrounded by love…. I felt so alive on stage.” – Dustin (10:06)
• Friends reminisce about the unique energy of NYC and the importance of showing up for one another’s new ventures.

2. The Adulting Rollercoaster: From Insurance Nightmares to End-of-Life Decisions

Timestamps: 55:13 – 87:29

Introductions & Theme

• Jade and XD introduce themselves in their signature, irreverent style.
  • “I’m Señora Problematica Favorita.” – Jade (55:59)
  • “I'm the Chuck D of homosexuality. Homo without a paw.” – XD (56:05)
• Fran frames the episode’s theme: exploring why adulting is so overwhelming and the often-hidden layers of responsibility no one prepares you for.

Real-Life Adulting Scenarios

• Fran recounts her recent car insurance ordeal after being hit by a drunk driver, sharing the frustration of haggling with reps who withhold important information.

  • “Why do I have to deal with this?... Who is the adult that’s gonna come and do this the right way?” – Fran (58:33)

• XD shares the emotional and practical challenges of helping his mother care for his terminally ill uncle, who has chosen end-of-life options.

  • “My mother has to go to CVS and pick up this medication and he has to take it himself… you never know what questions to truly ask until you’re presented in this scenario.” – XD (63:44)
  • Discussion delves into emotional purgatory for caretakers, especially when end-of-life choices diverge within families.

• The group reflects on the experience of being “cosplaying as adults,” voicing anxieties about being the ones responsible for major life decisions.

Planning, Grief, and Unpreparedness

• Many have been thrust into handling estate, legal, and funeral arrangements for loved ones, with little warning or experience.
  • “You’re learning on the job.” – Asante (71:37)
  • “I don’t even know what the steps are when someone passes.” – Fran (70:28)
• Guest stories range from writing obituaries for relatives (Jade), feeling unequipped to manage family estates (Asante), and being forced to give “grace” to relatives at funerals despite old wounds (Dustin).
• Hilarious but sobering sidebars about the sticker shock of funerals and cremations:
  • “Cremation... This is $2,000? My mother was disgusted.” – XD (80:05)
• Jade recounts the chaos of dealing with car insurance after a hit-and-run, only to have the adjuster use a dubious device and deny the claim.

3. The Hidden “Gotchas” of Adulthood

Timestamps: 94:19 – 112:48

IRS and Tax Dread

• The group shares their universal dread at receiving IRS letters and lament the lack of education around taxes.
  • “No one has ever prepared me for the onslaught of fear... the IRS puts on you as anybody.” – XD (95:27)
  • “With taxes, they could tell me anything. And I just go with that.” – Fran (97:12)
• Tales of surprise tax bills from unexpected county or state requirements, with delayed notification, underscore how easy it is to be caught off-guard (“systems have been backed up,” as the tax office helpfully says).
• Everyone agrees the only real “pro tip” is do not let someone’s cousin Earl prepare your taxes for a sketchy refund.

Health and Insurance Woes

• As self-employed creators, all bemoan the challenges of getting health insurance and the “mindf—” of paying for protection services that fail you when you need them most.
  • “You pay these insurances to be a good adult... and then they try to lowball you.” – Fran (105:34)
  • Jade’s story of her car being hit—while she attended a Zoom funeral!—spirals into commentary on bureaucracy, accountability, and neighborhood-based rate discrimination in insurance.

Emergency Preparation & Climate Anxiety

• Jade describes creating a “go box” after someone tried to set her building on fire, prompting discussions about emergency preparedness, from family photos to solar generators.
• XD and Jade explain the constant awareness needed while living in disaster-prone areas (“every Sunday for the last three weeks, we’ve had an earthquake.” – XD, 112:57)

4. The Heart, Humor, and Hope of Community

Timestamps: 116:48 – End

• The group reminds listeners that no amount of preparation can circumvent all surprises, and adulthood will require improvisation, resilience, and community.
  • “These are some of the things they do not…I don’t think they talk to us about because they didn’t know either.” – Jade (89:28)
• They encourage vulnerability and reaching out for help, arguing that life is easier with support and shared wisdom.
  • “What I will say is try not to think that you have to go through this by yourself in order to get it done and be over it.” – Fran (120:59)
• The final advice, especially for younger listeners: stay open to building authentic connections, be honest about what you don’t know, and don’t be afraid to lean on others as you learn.
• The show ends with warmth, laughter, and a call for listeners to share their own experiences with adulting and overcoming unexpected hurdles.

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• On Adulting Nerves:
  “I feel like a 10-year-old that’s cosplay every time where I’m like, who is the adult that’s gonna come and do this the right way?... But girl, you’re, like, about to be 43 next month.” – Fran (59:44)

• On End-of-Life Choices:
  “My uncle…has voluntarily decided to end his life... I had never knew of [this process]. That’s real grown.” – XD (63:00)

• On Funerals and Family:
  “I could have tore a lot of up at that funeral… but instead I was nice and graceful because of the occasion.” – Dustin (74:07)

• On Being Unprepared:
  “You’re learning on the job. They actually, in my case, make it to where it is kind of a job in itself.” – Asante (71:39)

• On Grief and Bureaucracy:
  “You have to be grieving while also making life-altering decisions, while also researching these decisions, because you don’t even know what the answer is for these decisions.” – Fran (65:50)

• On The IRS:
  “No one has ever prepared me for the onslaught of fear and psychological warfare that the Internal Revenue Service puts on you as a anybody.” – XD (95:27)

• On Insurance Realities:
  “I’m one of those sticklers. I do not want to be behind…. Call me if this is a payment amount.... my taxes are already paid.” – Fran (101:14)

• On Parenting and Planning:
  “No one paints a clearer picture of your mortality than your child.” – Jade (82:19)

• On Community:
  “Life is actually a lot easier if you have community to help you move through these parts that are confusing, that are painful, that you need answers to.” – Fran (120:59)

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Segment Timestamps

• Intros/Birthdays/Stand-Up: 01:03–19:19
• Listener Feedback & Black Business Highlight (Sista Seeds): 31:27–38:05
• Main Topic – Adulting, Death, and Responsibility (ft. Jade & XD): 55:13–123:24
• Heartfelt Close and Advice for Listeners: 116:48–End

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Tone & Style

• Language: Candid, relatable, and at times explicit—full of the laughter, shade, and love that defines both The Friend Zone and Jade & XD.
• Atmosphere: Open, vulnerable, frequently hilarious, but always earnest in seeking and sharing wisdom.

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For New Listeners

If you’ve not heard this episode, expect a wild ride: you’ll laugh, maybe shed a tear, and almost certainly nod along as grown folks reveal the mess behind the curtain of adulthood. Take comfort: everyone’s building their own wobbly Jenga tower, and there’s no manual—but there is community to help catch the pieces when things fall.

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Call to Action

The hosts invite listener stories: “What are some things you’ve faced as an adult—unique or just unexpectedly tough? How did you handle it, and what do you wish you’d known before?”

Share your thoughts and join the ever-growing, ever-learning Friend Zone family.

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Stay Black and protect your magic!

Transcript

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[Dustin Ross]

Welcome to the friends.

[Asante]

My name is Dustin.

[Francesca]

I'm Francesca, also known as. Hey, friend.

[Asante]

Hey. My name is Asante. This is the friend zone.

[Francesca]

I don't know how many times I.

[Jade]

Got say that, say that.

[Asante]

Succinct.

[Dustin Ross]

That's right. Because when you're tired of some shit, you know what I'm saying, you've been saying the same shit over and over and over to the same, over and over and over. You get tired and you feel like Porsche, you know what I'm saying? That's how you feel. And this week we talking to somebody who has literally refused to stop talking. Okay? That is none other than Tamar Braxton. That's right. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Tamar Braxton, we know. Sister, baby sister of legend, living legend, Toni Braxton, okay? Who won the best Grammy. You can win the best new artist Grammy, you know what I'm saying? And she refutes that horrible notion that you, you know, go into obscure obscurity after winning that award anyway. It's not about Tony. Well, it is about Tony, but it's not. Because what Tamar don't realize is that she's created an environment around her name and contribution women where when she does anything, you automatically think of her as Toni Braxton's little sister instead of her being Tamar Braxton, vocal powerhouse, huge personality. You know what I'm seeing you saying? Great host. You don't think about those things. You think about Tamar talking too goddamn much like she's doing now. So yesterday she celebrated her 48th birthday. Okay, wow.

[Asante]

Because she a Pisces too.

[Dustin Ross]

When she celebrated her birthday, she made a post that said, it's my birthday. Don't get me wrong, I'm so humble. First lie will always be second lie. But in this chapter, I'll never dim my light so others can shine. Now, when has Tamar ever scaled anything back? Never. She don't do nothing. She don't dim nothing. She's never done it. She says, this time I'm remembering who the I am. Cause I almost forgot the Tamar Braxton. She couldn't just say, it's my birthday.

[Francesca]

I love it.

[Dustin Ross]

See, you know what I'm saying? We had to get all of that. What she ain't doing what she realized. And we had to get all of that right. Her sister, Toni Braxton made a post and she said, I wanted to repost that gorgeous picture of you, but I'm blocked again. Anyway, happy birthday, Tay. Toni Braxton. Social media. Now, although we know that Tamar Braxton has a Velcro attachment to mess on the Internet, right? We haven't typically seen Toni Braxton be so forthcoming or vocal about their personal matters. In fact, when she's filmed their reality show the Braxton, which is filming currently. Okay, so apparently they fell out on the show. Tony usually just acts like she's above the disagreement and she tries to bring them back together. And she's got shit to do. She's literally booked like Kelly Price, you know, but for some reason, Tony posted that. Of course Tamar responded, because why wouldn't she? She's Tamar Braxton.

[Asante]

That's what she does.

[Dustin Ross]

She goes to her story and she posts a screenshot of a. Of an imessage screen on her phone. To Tony, that is just messages from Friday and yesterday. It means nothing. The messages just say to atl, thinking of you. Are you in la? Atl? That's all it says. And then Tony's Tamar Braxton says, you y' all gonna stop playing with me? It's my birthday. I'm celebrating with my friends and not bothering a soul. Another lie, because she just bothered Craig the writer Stewart at the live show and fag talk here in New York City. Shot City R. She just started a whole dust up in the audience. I wish a would have got on that mic and and tried to confront me about some in my show last.

[Francesca]

Night in the middle of us.

[Dustin Ross]

I wish you would have. When I tell you hell hath no fury, like how I would have been on that mic. But anyway, people, man, my brother was there, all of us were there.

[Asante]

That's like this would not have been a great situation.

[Dustin Ross]

So she says you did it to be mean, like we don't talk. Anyway, happy, happy birthday to me. Anyway, love you too. Just being a mess and putting emojis and in the message, just doing too much. So to that I say, Tamar, we are tired. You 48 years old, dog. 48. What I need you to do, Tamar? I'm not even going to talk about you being messy and being on the Internet in mess all the time and always in some shit. The only one thing I want you to do, Tamar, and I'm tired of saying it, stop yelling. That's it. I just want Tamar to talk in an even tone for like six months. No yelling. I don't think she can, but I would like that you only yell on the microphone. Just stop yelling. When have you ever heard Tamar speak calm like this? She's never talked like this ever. Anytime you heard her talking, she sounds like an alarm clock. So I just want her to bring it on down for year 48, you know what I'm saying? And think about that. I want her to remember she's 48 years old, moving forward. That's it. Just a little constructive criticism that she ain't gonn to take. So that being said, welcome to the friend zone, your weekly looking all things mental health, mental wellness and mental hygiene. Because who in the hell. I'm not gonna say that. Who in the hell wants a musty.

[Francesca]

Brain if he stopped himself, it was.

[Asante]

Bad, you know, it was horrendous.

[XD]

Hey, friend.

[Dustin Ross]

Hey, Asante, how you doing?

[Francesca]

Hey, Dustin. Before we jump in, I do want to say it was Asante's birthday this past year.

[Dustin Ross]

Speaking of birthdays.

[Asante]

I'm just kidding. That was a joke.

[Dustin Ross]

Happy birthday.

[Asante]

Thank you both so much.

[Francesca]

Absolutely. How was your birthday?

[Asante]

It was great. I went out to. I was forced to dinner.

[Dustin Ross]

It was a great dinner.

[Asante]

Yeah, no, it was. It was a great dinner, I'm not gonna lie. So it was a great time. Family, friends, or like new friends. And then I got to come see family over the weekend. So it was like, okay, great. Like this was a good time. Like it felt like family just chilling in Crystal's apartment with y' all, like the, the next day or Damn. It was just Monday. Sunday was a bl. Oh. I was in Crystal's apartment Sunday because that's when Lainey was playing with Dottie.

[Francesca]

Oh, my God.

[Asante]

Yeah. No, it was a great birthday weekend. That's great.

[Francesca]

You loved it.

[Asante]

I know she did, but then Lainey.

[Dustin Ross]

Just perked up, didn't she?

[Asante]

It's Dottie, Laney. You hear me? But, yeah, it was a great birthday. I'm excited for the new year to see what things happen in this new city. I feel like there are a lot of cool things that I'm, like, on the cusp of right now. Some conversations I'm having that are making me just feel positive and really good. And.

[Francesca]

Yeah, I'm excited.

[Asante]

Ready to just jump in.

[Dustin Ross]

So, yeah, there's a steakhouse in. In where you live? Well, people know where you live. There's a steakhouse in Charlotte. What's the name of, like, the. It's like a thing. Like, is this. Do that. Is it steak 48 or circle something?

[Asante]

I went to steak 48 for my birthday. Yes.

[Dustin Ross]

Maybe that's what I'm thinking about. But it was good.

[Francesca]

Was it good?

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah, it was like, the low lighting, like I like in the restaurant. It was like a vibe. Yeah.

[Francesca]

Good. See, all I know is Charlotte is cookout.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh, cookout is good.

[Francesca]

Circle G or something. The boys love Circle G. I don't even know what that is.

[Asante]

State 48 is, to Dustin's point, an experience. So that was nice. It was good. They knew it was my birthday, so they gave me, like, a little note, know, thank you for dining with us on your birthday and all that.

[Francesca]

And cute.

[Asante]

It was cute. Yeah. It was like it. And it was the real good steak, so that's how you know it was good.

[Francesca]

I was eating Bojangles somewhere.

[Asante]

I don't know why.

[Dustin Ross]

I ain't above eating out of box.

[Asante]

I'mma tell you, honestly, I love me. Look, I'm not too good for no bberry biscuit now.

[Dustin Ross]

Never will be. Okay.

[Asante]

Yeah, Timmy.

[Dustin Ross]

All right.

[Asante]

What about your weekends?

[Francesca]

Well, I think we should. You know, speaking of new ventures and new things and new horizons, Dustin Ross. Very special weekend for Dustin Ross. Let's clap up for Dustin Ross. It was your first stand up. Tell us about it. We were there. But, you know, for those who weren't.

[Dustin Ross]

First of all, thank y', all friend and asante for traveling to come to my show that meant the world to me.

[Francesca]

You would never miss it.

[Dustin Ross]

And it was just. It felt so good. I was surrounded by love, friends, family, my Family flew in. My best friend flew in from childhood. And then tremendous support. All my friends that are my colleagues as well. Ebony, K. Williams, Crystal, Jade, everybody was there.

[Francesca]

Yup.

[Dustin Ross]

And it felt so good to be in a room with so much love and just talk my shit. I love comedy. I love being funny. I love laughing. I love making people laugh. And being able to do that in a professional capacity is an honor, something I really respect. I respect the art of comedy. And so contributing to that is a dream come true. I felt so alive on stage. Fran and Asante, y' all know how much I love going on stage. I've always felt like.

[Francesca]

And we could feel it. You were a natural.

[Dustin Ross]

Thank you.

[Francesca]

I was telling Dustin in the green room after the show that most. You know, we have a lot of creative friends and peers, and so we've popped in on people's first shows or first ventures, and sometimes it's a little rough around the edges while, you know, until they find their voice or their rhythm. But with Dustin, it just was like he'd always been there. It just felt like he was just at another one of his standup shows.

[Asante]

It seemed like you. It seemed like he was, like years in the game doing stand up. We, like, finally pulled up to a show. It was like, damn. Like, this what you've been doing.

[Francesca]

He even came out with the little rag to wipe his head like a veteran.

[Dustin Ross]

At first. What the hell is going on? I was hot.

[Francesca]

I thought I was having menopausal issues in the back there.

[Asante]

I was like, they gonna do this to us.

[Francesca]

But it was a packed house, too. You know what I mean? That contributed to the.

[Dustin Ross]

It was a great sign, you know, it was so funny, right? When so, you know, shout out to Mouse Jones, friend to the show and brother to us. Shout out to you, Mouse. Mouse. Open and did a great comedy set before I come out. But when he goes on stage, they turn the lights. They adjusted the lights in the venue, but that happens backstage as well.

[Francesca]

Oh, hell.

[Dustin Ross]

So when he got on stage up front, the lights turned purple and the spotlight came on. But in the green room and the bathroom back there, all that turned red. Literally, like, the whole room felt red. So think about it. As hot as it was back then, then it turned red. I was like. I had just came in from smoking and shit.

[Asante]

I was like, is that why y' all was back here screaming? Is that why y' all was screw. We heard y' all scream. Him back there with my. He was like, yeah, y was.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh, no. You know what? That Was. I was praying. I had to pray. They started whooping it up. Yeah. But anyway, great night. Shout out to everybody at City Winery in New York. The staff was incredible. Back to back at that two shows. We sold that out. God is good. It was a tremendous outpour of support. Just a great, beautiful, beautiful night in New York. So I feel good. I can't wait to do it again. I love telling jokes. I love being on stage and writing. That show has been a great artist process, but fun nonetheless and just incredible. I can't wait to do more of it. So thank you. Thank you, thank you. I'm really grateful today. Yeah.

[Francesca]

And you will, honestly.

[Asante]

Dustin, thank you.

[Dustin Ross]

Thank you.

[Francesca]

Yeah.

[Asante]

That was a great show.

[Francesca]

Good.

[Dustin Ross]

Thank you. Y' all was laughing, so this was funny. If my was me, kids, you can tell me so I can be right.

[Asante]

Tell you your ass. The punches that you had. I was pissed. First of all, I already knew what we was going.

[XD]

I'm not gonna tell the joke.

[Asante]

I already knew what we was going with one of them, but she was selling it really well. But I was already there with you. That's how I was. Like, I know this. It's not. But you were selling it really well, I must say. I. I was loving it. I was like, all right, he's doing a good. Like, it doesn't feel like you were dragging it out. You were doing a. A great job of setting the scene for this. The setup was great. I was like, all right.

[Dustin Ross]

I know you talking about the street festival joke.

[Francesca]

Try not to drop any clues. I was like, how do I. What can I say? But that's the one.

[Dustin Ross]

It was. It was a risky joke, but my heart was.

[Francesca]

Oh, no.

[Dustin Ross]

As long as it trans.

[Asante]

It was great. It was great. It was great.

[Dustin Ross]

Thank you. The pacing of it, too.

[Francesca]

No, it was amazing.

[Asante]

Yes. That's why I was like. It feels like you just been doing this. Like, you were up there really just, like, taking your time with the audience and not in the. Like. All right, well, this one ain't hitting next joke. It was really like, we were just here with you the whole time.

[Francesca]

Awkward lows when, like, a joke doesn't land and he kind of has to, like, move on to the next, you know? Like, it was none of that. It was.

[Dustin Ross]

Thank God. God damn. Thank you.

[Francesca]

I know.

[Dustin Ross]

I thought my scrotum was in. My heels had to go, right? So I'm just like.

[XD]

I'm glad.

[Asante]

Thank you.

[Francesca]

No, it was. It was so good.

[Asante]

Friend. How was your weekend, friend? You know, I know you was A fly girl, you know, up in there like I was.

[Francesca]

Yeah. It was a travel weekend. First of all, for those watching. I'm sorry that it looks like I'm recording from a game Boy.

[Asante]

It like you at the beach, a cabana in the back, a switch friend.

[Dustin Ross]

You crazy. Oh, Lord.

[Francesca]

Damn submarine. But I. I'm backlit, as you can tell. And I was about to record on top of a ironing board to try to get better light. But I thought that might be risky. So here we are in. In a hotel, obviously. But it was a good weekend. I spent it in Charlotte. Shout out to Asante's hometown Love. And it with my partner and his family. We always pop in there if we're headed to New York, just. Cause it's easier to just like, around. And then came for Dustin's show, obviously. And that was amazing. I'm so happy I've been out of the loop. As y' all know. I'm like, on my hammock on the west coast, so it felt a little edgy for me to kind of be back, you know, around this world. I was just like, oh, hey. But everyone is so sweet always. And it did feel good. We saw a lot of, like, fans that we love, like listeners that have been listening for a year. Shout out to Joseph.

[Dustin Ross]

Shout out to Joseph. We love you.

[Francesca]

Right?

[Dustin Ross]

Hell yeah. Super supportive.

[Francesca]

That's like a super supporter. That is just awesome. Always has the sweetest things to say. Constructive criticism. Just like, love all the time with every episode. And it was so cool to meet in person, especially when you know the face and the name.

[Asante]

Yes.

[Francesca]

You're like, Joseph. You know, like, oh, hey, hey.

[Asante]

And they'd be in the discord too, so, you know.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Francesca]

They're like a modern Joseph, the Erwin. Yeah.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah.

[Francesca]

So that was cool to see. And like, a lot of other really dope familiar faces. And it felt. It felt, you know, at home. And that was really nice.

[Asante]

Yes.

[Dustin Ross]

Y' all look good.

[Francesca]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Asante]

You look good.

[Dustin Ross]

Thank you very much. Thank you. Hey, y' all got to meet my brother, Damon. He was interrupted. He called before.

[Francesca]

Well, we met Damon, but it was nice to see. See.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah, to see him.

[Asante]

You know what I'm saying?

[Dustin Ross]

That interrupted in person.

[Asante]

Did we not see Damon in person before?

[Francesca]

Yeah, that's all I'm saying.

[Asante]

You.

[Francesca]

I was about to say we met Damon a couple times because I think the first time I met Damon was on our HBCU tour.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh, that's right.

[Francesca]

Remember?

[Asante]

That's what I was thinking about.

[Francesca]

And I Feel like that was probably the first time. Maybe before that, I'm not sure, but.

[Asante]

I think that much.

[Dustin Ross]

Think that was first time.

[Francesca]

Yeah. Unless it was one of like the early live shows back in the day, but. But I feel like that was the first time. It was nice seeing him. Yeah. And it was just perfect. All the fine people you had in the green room.

[Dustin Ross]

You know, my green rooms be fun. Y' all know, our used to be lit people be backstage. You know what I'm saying?

[Francesca]

But our green room was more so just like the Internet would come back there, you know, like all of our peers. But this was different, you know, this was different. I'll just say I felt like Tyra Banks. Only one of you.

[Dustin Ross]

Fran see.

[Asante]

Dustin, I was trying to tell you earlier. Fran was on one last night while you was on stage. Fran was the one doing the crowd work.

[Dustin Ross]

Okay, how about that? I already know she was killing that audience too. Cause Fran got perspective.

[Francesca]

I was back there laughing. Honestly, we were having so much fun. Cause we were sitting with some supporters in the back part and we were just having a blast. Even with the waiter was just a good time. Really, really good time. But yeah, it's been good. I'm happy to be home. And I'm gonna actually extended my trip so that I can be here for the full week and just like get everything I need, see everybody I need to see. So I'm happy. I'm happy to have some New York energy. The. The weather isn't too crazy either.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah, I think it's not frightful.

[Francesca]

Yeah. I came perfect timing.

[Dustin Ross]

So I'm speaking of New York energy. Even though I had been in a fucking armpit of rehearsals for this show in preparation for it over the past few years. Yeah, I was like, it, I'm gonna go out on Friday. Because I had gotten an invite to legendary. You know who legendary. Damon is a stylist.

[Francesca]

Absolutely.

[Dustin Ross]

He throws his Lux Ball birthday party every year or whatever. And it was on Friday. So I'm like, you know what? Let me put some clothes on and be cute. So you know what I'm saying? I put my on or whatever. And my friend, shout out to Zach, one of my best friends. You know, I'm saying me and Zach and my. One of my other best friends, Brian, we went. Get in there. Start running in people. Oh, hey, hey, hey. You know, we having a good time. Shout out to Jesse Smollett. Jesse in there. We mobbing.

[Francesca]

Having a good time.

[Dustin Ross]

So we all had. Went outside to be outside. You know what I'm saying, and then. So we had a great time outside, and then we came back in. When I come in, y', all, literally Uncle Luke Luther Campbell is walking onto the stage talking about some Happy birthday, legendary Damon.

[Francesca]

Let's Go is one of my favorite songs.

[Dustin Ross]

And all you hear is, now, what's that?

[Asante]

Number one.

[Dustin Ross]

Live. And these girls started throwing ass. The lights was a strobe. They needed one of them warnings, you know what I'm saying? Flash photography, strobe lighting. Because that was going on. I had the time of my life.

[Francesca]

That sounds lit. That sounds like it set the tone for the weekend too.

[Dustin Ross]

It really did. And there people in. In the party who were like, yo, I'm coming to the show on Monday today.

[Francesca]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ross]

So it was a good. It was just good energy. But shout out to legendary Damon, because that birthday party was.

[Francesca]

Oh, his parties have always been lit too. And shout out to New York. The energy is just unmatched. I'm happy to be back. Right? And we had a safe flight to Sante.

[Asante]

Okay.

[Francesca]

Even though. Oh, my God. There was a girl. So Asante and I flew together from Charlotte to New York, and there was a girl sitting behind me. I could hear someone crying. So of course y' all know me. I like, turn back and I like. I'm like, are you okay? And she doesn't say anything. She's just staring at me, like, blankly, but crying. I was like, okay. I said, do you need something? Are you having a panic attack? Like, what are you feeling right now? Nothing. Just staring at me blankly, crying hysterically. Then she finally says, I'm. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. She starts telling me she's so scared. And I'm like. Of the flight. Like, what's scaring you? She's like, you're playing the plane. She starts crying.

[Dustin Ross]

The plane.

[Francesca]

The plane, Right? You know what? Yo, she starts crying hysterically. Asante. I was like, oh, couldn't see her.

[Dustin Ross]

What was her problem?

[Francesca]

I don't know. But here's the part where I was like, okay, I have been in this situation two other times where it was someone having a fight, full out panic attack. And the last time it happened, the lady asked if she could hold my hand. And when I tell you she held my hand for like two hours. And I was so overstimulated because I thought she just meant, like for the takeoff. You know what I mean? Like, maybe, like, where it gets a little rickety. No, we held hand like that emoji.

[Asante]

Oh, my God.

[Francesca]

Because she was an elder I felt like I couldn't not hold her hand.

[Asante]

You know what I'm saying?

[Dustin Ross]

That mean her hand felt nasty, too.

[Francesca]

And I vowed to. I vowed to never, like, feel that way again because it was really overstimulating for me.

[Dustin Ross]

Like, I know you, right?

[Francesca]

Yeah. This is a long flight. And then so I. That came back in my head. I was like, I know that if I sit next to her, she's gonna want probably the whole.

[Asante]

She was not gonna switch seats with that other girl.

[Francesca]

I didn't get up. I couldn't do it. I didn't. Something told me, don't. Don't put yourself in that position. You want to help, but just.

[Asante]

My text didn't send, friend. But I didn't want you to do that, friend, because, you know, I got.

[Francesca]

Lucky, because you see how God looked out. There was a white lady that stood up, and right when I was kind of torn, the white lady said, do you need someone to sit with you and hold your hand? I said, God, thank you, God. Thank you. And the white lady sat with her, held her hand. There was two little white girls sitting there holding hands the whole flight. And they had more in common, I'm sure. And they talked and calmed each other, and that's good. Fine.

[Dustin Ross]

How old was the girl that was tripping?

[Francesca]

Probably. I would say, like, 20s. Yeah, maybe 20s.

[Dustin Ross]

Maybe you should have told her, girl, get it together.

[Asante]

No.

[Dustin Ross]

What's wrong with you?

[Francesca]

No. Something was like, really?

[Asante]

I'm not gonna lie to you. What pissed me off was the flight attendant. The flight attendant walked up to the girl.

[Francesca]

They didn't care.

[Asante]

No, look, she. She did this, Dustin. She went, you look like you excited to be sitting there, and walked off.

[Francesca]

Like, she misread.

[Asante]

Meanwhile, after friend had told me what she told me, I'm sitting back here thinking, if this girl gets up and.

[Jade]

Says, I'm not going back there.

[Asante]

Like, that was the energy.

[Francesca]

What if this girl gets up mid flight and starts freaking the out, telling them they have to land? Like, I was, like, worried that she was gonna not handle the flight because she's clearly not handling. And we're just at the dang gate. And so I was like, shouldn't they, like, help her?

[Asante]

You know, like, landed? That girl was soaking wet. Yeah, that girl was like. She had sweated her life.

[Francesca]

Yeah, she sweated her soul out on that.

[Dustin Ross]

That was drunk.

[Asante]

No, she was.

[Dustin Ross]

Or you know what?

[Asante]

She.

[Dustin Ross]

She wasn't drunk. She might have been coming down from, like, Molly or some, like.

[Asante]

No, she didn't seem like that.

[Francesca]

This Is something.

[Asante]

It was anxiety. Like, I don't think she's flown a lot. Or maybe maybe somebody, you know, some trauma from flying.

[Francesca]

And you know me. I was like, wait. Energetically. What are you reading, girl? Why are you so.

[Asante]

She couldn't get 42 for that. It was like, I know.

[Dustin Ross]

If Fran couldn't calm her ass down.

[Francesca]

No. But it was also partially me blocking myself because I'm the person that always feels like I have to be that person. And I just was like, girl, no.

[Asante]

Like, you was feeling my energy. Because, friend, you need to stay right where you was.

[Francesca]

Yeah. I was like, mind your business. Don't be that person today. I just didn't have it. I'm so sorry. And then, by the grace of God, someone stood up.

[Asante]

Yes.

[Francesca]

You know, helped her. And I was.

[Asante]

God said, I got you, girl. You ain't supposed to get up.

[Francesca]

And then that white girl, like, not again. Not again.

[Dustin Ross]

This is crazy.

[Francesca]

And. But she was not doing good. And I'm just grateful that, like, we.

[Asante]

Landed her ass there.

[Francesca]

Yes.

[Asante]

I'm grateful she stayed her ass in that seat that entire flight. Cuz I just was.

[Francesca]

That lady was angel. She talked to that girl the entire flight. They were right behind me. So it was like she.

[Asante]

She helped her get her luggage at the end of it, too. And I was like, well, look at that. It's. She done made a new little sister girlfriend or whatever. That's.

[Francesca]

So she was telling her stories and calming her down.

[Dustin Ross]

Has not turned around.

[Asante]

Stop it.

[Dustin Ross]

Be quiet. You put your seat belt on. Do you want a cook? Do you want a cookie? Do you want juice?

[Francesca]

You are so crazy.

[Dustin Ross]

Now we're gonna sit, we gonna fly.

[Francesca]

And we're gonna fly.

[Dustin Ross]

You understand me? Now sit right there. Don't you move no more.

[Francesca]

Oh, my God.

[Asante]

I was grateful that we landed safely. Not from her being crazy and also not from the plane being crazy.

[Francesca]

By this is a lot of factors trying not to think about. Yeah. Because we're already kind of on edge these days. Just like traveling, period. But I'm crazy.

[Dustin Ross]

Have y' all seen that Tick Tock video of the lady rubbing blessing oil on that plane before she gets on it? Have y' all seen it? And Erica Campbell gonna repost it. Somebody getting on the play. And she's rubbing it. Rubbing.

[Francesca]

Idea. I need that. But yeah, so, you know, lots of safe travels. And I am grateful for that.

[Dustin Ross]

But hell, yeah, I'm grateful for y'. All. Thank you again for coming.

[Francesca]

Of course. We're in Mrs. For the world.

[Dustin Ross]

And shout out to the staff at City Winery. They were incredible.

[Francesca]

They were really nice.

[Dustin Ross]

Was great.

[Francesca]

So accommodating the people that were to our table because it was like three or four different people. They were fun and really yes. And playful and joking with us and so it was always great. Really good stuff. Before we jump in, jump in. Do you guys have any announcements or anything you want to touch on real quick?

[Dustin Ross]

Not this week.

[Asante]

Next week marks the last Wednesday of the month. That is the 26th of March. We will be having our Wednesday Wednesday wind down. If you are a member of Our Patreon, that's patreon.com/the friend zone Podcast. You are familiar with what is going to be happening. If you are not familiar go to patreon.com the friendzone podcast and get familiar. It is our live stream. It's happening Wednesday 26th March at 8pm Eastern Standard Time. We will be on for an hour. We'll be whooping it up with the chat LeChat. You are so lovely. We love to see you every month when we are there because y' all just continue to cut up and evolve in cutting up and keep secrets. I feel like lechat is a safe space for us. So come join us in that safe space and add to it. Do not share it.

[Francesca]

Okay, you know what? They are a safe space because we've told a lot of little secrets on there and they have not come out.

[Dustin Ross]

I appreciate that.

[Francesca]

I just realized that that's what people don't get.

[Dustin Ross]

It's a whole different conversation, a little.

[Francesca]

More uncensored if you could believe that.

[Asante]

Yes. But that's it over here. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online. Whether you're just starting out or managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience and sell anything from products to content to time. All in one place. All on your terms. Introducing Design Intelligence from Squarespace Combining two decades of industry leading design expertise with cutting edge AI technology to unlock your strongest creative potential, Design Intelligence empowers anyone to build a beautiful, more personalized website tailored to their unique needs and craft a bespoke digital identity to use across one's entire online presence. Start a fully custom on brand website with Squarespace's latest AI enhanced website builder, Blueprint AI. After a few questions, Squarespace's interactive design system transforms basic information about your brand or business into an elevated online presence with curated premium quality content automatically added and matched to your profile and aesthetic. And measure your end to end online performance with powerful website and seller analytics. Get insights on top traffic sources, understand how your reach is growing, track sales metrics and learn where to focus new engagement. It's all the data you need to scale your brand or business. Fully integrated and clearly displayed. You guys know that we have been rocking with Squarespace for years. I have told you time and time again, heyassante.com is hosted on Squarespace. It is simple, it does not make me feel stupid and there are all these cool, cool tools to make you look even more professional than my website. Okay, I think you all should go sign up if you haven't already. Even if you just want a domain to park, there's good for that. But if you need a website, I'm telling you Squarespace. So go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to Launch, go to squarespace.com friendzone to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's 10% off your first purchase of A website or domain at squarespace.com friendzone.

[Dustin Ross]

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[Francesca]

Amazing. Let's jump into the black business. So y' all know that I've been following the Black Farmers index on Instagram.

[Dustin Ross]

Yes you have.

[Francesca]

Right I've mentioned it on here. It's really great because if you're someone that's trying to get into that scene or just wants to be aware of the black communities and agriculture. Oh, that part too.

[Dustin Ross]

You know something better grab them overall straps.

[Francesca]

It's a good way to stay abreast of the news.

[Dustin Ross]

So come on, friends. There's a layup assist.

[Francesca]

So they put me on to a website called sistaseeds.com s I s t h. Don't make me laugh. Y' all would.

[Dustin Ross]

It's brilliant. It's brilliant. This is brilliant. Please Continue.

[Francesca]

Sister seeds. That's s I s t a h, s e-e--s dot com. Yes, a h. It's us. Of course.

[Asante]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

[Francesca]

So Sister Seeds, founded by Amira Mitchell, right? This is. Their mission is to regenerate culturally important varieties and seed keeping traditions from the African diaspora while uplifting black seed stories and empowering aspiring black seed stewards. Y' all gotta remember, with GMOs and government interference, seeds can be really hard to come across without it being tampered in some way. You know what I'm saying? And that can really affect the health of your crop and your soil. There's just a lot of red tape with seeds. And so the fact that she was like, you know what? I'm going to actually create a farm where I grow seeds that people can then come to me and I can make sure that they're, you know, created with love, intention, health. Most importantly, she says that their vision is to help black growers reclaim our relationship to our seeds and to support the development of seed sovereignty for African diasporic people. In the Americas, we believe that cultivating seed sovereignty, the right of communities to self determine their seed systems and to locally grown, culturally relevant seed, is essential to preserve our heritage. Honestly, this amazing.

[Dustin Ross]

This is like, so I've never heard.

[Francesca]

Of that too, right? Like a seed farm. Like, of course. That's genius. You're like, like. You're like the plug.

[Dustin Ross]

What's her name? What did you say?

[XD]

The creator's name.

[Francesca]

Amira Mitchell.

[Dustin Ross]

Amira Mitchell. Gone girl.

[Francesca]

Okay.

[Asante]

You better sew them seeds. You saw them damn seeds.

[Francesca]

Amir Amira is a farmer, a seed keeper and community educator who has worked in agriculture and food justice since 2007. She has. Yes. In horticulture from Temple, which I love.

[Dustin Ross]

And that ain't no.

[Francesca]

Okay. And studied agriculture and Brazil and Panama and has farmed in Massachusetts and Georgia, Pennsylvania. And she gives community workshops as well on seed Keeping and agroecology. She founded Sista seeds in 2021 to help connect black and brown growers to our culturally important seeds. It's amazing. Honestly, when I saw this, I jotted it down immediately. I went to her site just because obviously, once I get started, once I get land and get started, I'm definitely not you cracking up.

[Asante]

I've been wanting to laugh because this is so parable of the sower of you. And I'm just. I'm just trying to let you. I mean, this is really beautiful. So I'm trying to let you get through it. But I can't stop laughing because this. This is so earthseated, so aligned, Right. It just keeps happening.

[Francesca]

Tavia. But I was looking through her, collect her archive, right? And she has like, Haitian tomatoes, which. Hello. That was like, okay, girl, you're talking to me. Red okra. She sells scotch bonnet pepper.

[Asante]

I'm looking at this white velvet okra, and that just sounds like, nice, right? Right.

[Francesca]

Sea island red peas, calabash tomatoes. She has several different types of tomatoes. A fish pepper, green mustard, fish eyed peas, Trinidadian seasoning, pepper. I mean, you name it. She even has watermelon, cabbage, squash. Like I said, tons of. She has kale. I mean, you. I'm like scrolling and it's pretty endless. So if you're looking for seeds to start growing and remember, you don't have to have land. There are people that do it on their windowsills, you know, like they. I saw. Actually, I saw a really dope elder on Tick Tock. I really wish I had his name. I'll find it and add it to the description box below to give him credit. But he was like, even getting those aluminum pans, like when people are cooking for cookouts and stuff. He said, just put some soil in it. Grow some. You know what I mean? Like, it don't have to be complicated.

[Dustin Ross]

So you can cut a milk jug in half. Like, you can.

[Francesca]

Oh, my God. Remember that you have the little plant coming up. I'm telling. There's so many ways to do it. My mom grows all her herbs on her on a windowsill and Harley. So that'll tell you, like, basil fresh. Yeah, Fresh herbs, all for her cooking. So there's ways to really.

[Dustin Ross]

I love a fresh herb.

[Francesca]

You know what I mean? It tastes different. No, you didn't. So this is amazing. I just have to put her into people's awareness just so that we can support. Spread the word, spread the seed, and.

[Dustin Ross]

Congratulations on having a dope fresh, original idea. And Product, you know, that's really, really smart.

[Francesca]

That's really what caught me. I was like, I've never heard of a seed. Seed. Like, of course, no.

[Dustin Ross]

Like this. This is dope as like and so necessary and reception. Able to trust the seed. Like that.

[Francesca]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ross]

Think about what you'll grow. Like that. That. This is huge because I've heard so.

[Francesca]

Many horror stories from farmers who the government basically, like, regulates the health of their crop because, you know, they want to sell us a very specific type of food and that does specific types of things to our bodies. And that's why I'm like, this. This is fire. Like, she got it. And I'm excited to tell y' all about her. If you are unfamiliar, once again, that's sister seeds. S I S T A H S E E D S. Y' all killing me. Dot. As always, it's gonna be linked in the description box.

[Dustin Ross]

Yes.

[Asante]

Completely unrelated. It also made me think of Basketball Wives.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh, which one?

[Francesca]

Wait, how?

[Asante]

Well, because I was going. Because at first I was gonna ask you, is it sister seeds or sisters seeds? That's what I was gonna first ask you. But then you had spelled it out, and it made me think of Evelyn when she said, is it so wins or so wins because they put the extra W on the side.

[Francesca]

Yeah.

[Asante]

So that's what I thought about. Completely unrelated. That's why I was like, I gotta let her get through this. All important. And I'm just on right now.

[Dustin Ross]

This.

[Asante]

Dustin, what were you thinking about?

[Dustin Ross]

He just been somebody sho Daz or deal. Now go on. Let's just go on.

[Francesca]

You know. You know, let's jump into the recap segment. Last week's episode titled Rent a Man. Thank you, Dustin Ross. Shoot the episode. No hot button, no segments. Just whatever wanted to come up. As always, y' all had a lot to say. Who stood out to you? Asante.

[Asante]

Um, I don't have a comment from last week's episode, so you can just.

[Francesca]

It was a birthday weekend too.

[Asante]

Yeah. So just double on back to me from the. When you get to the one from the week before.

[Francesca]

I definitely will. I'll pick Kiana. Kiana from the gated community said, listen, anytime Fran even mentions making us aware of a product I am ready to buy because she has never steered me wrong. I from years ago, mixing up potions.

[Dustin Ross]

For my hair that just mixing up potions.

[Francesca]

That's so sweet.

[Dustin Ross]

It is.

[Francesca]

Shout out to my YouTube folks to today getting new lip gloss. Yes, I bought the five pack. If Fran says it's right. It don't get no writer. I really appreciate that y' all feel that way, because I really don't be trying to. He just put the Edam. Can I just say this? I linked their website, right? Because on Sephora, it is sold out. It's unavailable. So it's pointless linking their Sephora. But I linked their website and I linked my Amazon shop because I have their Edam, like, actual Edam store on Amazon. I linked this so y' all can get it directly and not be jerked on Amazon because people have all kinds of versions of Edom. Y' all bought, like, four, five hundred dollars worth of lip gloss just from my Amazon shop. That don't mean that's how much I made. I'm saying that's how much y' all bought. That was just for my shop. And mind you, I listed two ways to buy it. Y' all were not playing. I was amazed when I got those.

[Asante]

I bought a five pack. I'm only.

[Francesca]

That made me think of, like, uptick, that the. The founders are gonna be like, whoa, thank you. You know, and that really made me happy because that's the whole point of this segment. So shout out to y', all, y'. All.

[Asante]

You know what?

[Francesca]

The friend zone effect.

[Asante]

I'm gonna be on my friend effect. Because my thinking when I bought the five pack was I'm just gonna use the. The one. And, you know, if I find another one I like, cool, maybe. But they were all colored. And I was like, I don't really. So it's also cute to be like.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh, here, I have this else for your prejudice lips. You're gonna say they was all colored. I don't want them colors.

[Asante]

You know, segregation was cool. That's so stupid. Leave that out. No, no. But I just feel like it'd be dope to have something else to put other people on too, just like, you friends. So thank you for that.

[Francesca]

No, it made me happy. And you know what? Shout out to y', all, too, because I saw a lot of y' all did screenshots, which I always appreciate where, you know when a. When you buy something from a website and they say, how did you hear from us? And you can, like, write in a podcast or, like, it has, like, options. I saw a lot of. Y' all wrote hey, Frank into the other part. That's actually Right. Really cool. Yeah, I really appreciate that because that's also how brands know where it's coming from. And then they'll hit me, and then I can work with them instead of. I've never really been a pitch girl. Like, I don't pitch to brands. I usually prefer a more magnetic pursuit, you know, where I just put it out there. They see the uptick and it's always worked out for me. So I appreciate when y' all kind of boost that. So thank you. I had to say that. Also in the comment, Kiana said, asante, thank you for facilitating such an important conversation. Actually, this was from the.

[Asante]

Yeah, I was gonna say that's what I'm.

[Francesca]

But I'll read it anyway. I have been many times. I have been fat since a kid, and while there have been many times where I've been less fat, keeping an appropriate weight has been a struggle. Especially now in my 40s. I'm not diabetic, but I had quite a few sessions with Diabetes Digital. Shout out to Food Heaven, who is not Food Heaven anymore. They are Diabetes Digital. But I had to let people know in case they didn't realize they had transitioned. But they've been working with Diabetes Digital and they sent them. The program is wonderful. Tila was encouraging, affirming, and just great to work with. I learned a lot and developed some excellent habits. I've told y' all this before, but you really are doing the Lord's work. That made me happy because we had our friends, right? They came on the show last year to talk about nutrition and kind of just give us, like an updated episode that we have done, but with them before about our eating habits. Sometimes those episodes can be a little dense sense and not as interesting because who wants to sit and talk about food? But y', all, like, really gravitated towards it. I think it was a great episode. And they were able to plug, because they're great, they're able to plug in their Diabetes Digital work, which is a platform they created to help people work through their diabetes health choices and, you know, meal plans and just lifestyle changes. And a lot of you who've signed up and have been hitting us up saying that it's life, life altering, that makes me happy. I'm glad you could discover that through our platform. So shout out to Wendy and Jess, Diabetes Digital. Shout out to Edom Lip Gloss and just y'. All. Right. What about you, Asante? Oh, this is where we went into your episode, right? This is where you have a comment? Yes, let's do it. That episode the week before last was titled Heavy Conversation, which people thought like, like Asante. No, you didn't.

[Asante]

Well, I mean, you know, we had to have a heavy conversation and I wanted to be like Heavy.

[Francesca]

So we talked fat phobia facilitated by Asante. Who did you find in the. I'm saying the Twitter streets. Who'd you find in the streets with the comment?

[Asante]

Well, you know, I was, you know, in SoundCloud with my rental or whatever. I want to shout out a couple of people. The first person I would like to shout out is Star Lane. I hope I'm saying that correct. That sounds really cool. Star Lane. I absolutely adored this episode and truly APPR appreciate you all for handling this conversation with so much love and care. As someone who has been big most of my life. Wait, is this the one that you read?

[Francesca]

I don't think so.

[Asante]

Oh no, no, no, no. Cuz your s okay.

[Francesca]

Mine was.

[Asante]

Some of it started to sound familiar so I was like wait a minute. All right, sorry, start. Look the comments be similar sometimes. So I was like, wait, hold up. Look. As someone who has been big most of my life, I faced so much angst around my body, whether from family, old friends, teachers, or society in general. One thing Fran said that stuck with me was the importance of checking your own internalized fat phobia. After years of absorbing other people's opinions, I've never been critical of anyone else's body, but when it came to mine, I went in. That self criticism ran so deep that I almost stayed in the toxic, toxic relationship, convinced no one else would want me, that this was the best that I could get. Society and off. Society often makes bigger people feel unlovable and I had unknowingly absorbed that lie. Thankfully, I got out. But what truly scares me is that hesitation. The way those toxic beliefs crept in. This episode was a reminder to unlearn, heal, and give ourselves the love we deserve. Love, you guys.

[Francesca]

Oh, I love that.

[Asante]

Yes, you got down.

[Dustin Ross]

That was a good episode.

[Asante]

Thank you. You guys got down. Thank you all for participating. I love that. I would also like to shout out Dr. Jean Paul, long term supporter of the show. They left a comment that says looks. And yes, while you were the first to comment, I read you second here. So excuse me, Jean Paul, but they commented first on the soundcloud and said looks like I'm the first person to leave a comment. Yay. So I want to make sure I shouted you out since you did leave it first verses. This topic is so damn timely for me because not only am I releasing a book about this very topic, but because I keep getting asked in my press tour what made me write the book. I wrote it based off of a short story of what happened to me. In college, I remember telling a guy that I liked that I was into him and without any hesitation he responded, I don't like black, fat or femme guys. I was mortified. Believe it or not, I have experienced more fat phobia in the LGBTQ+ community than anywhere else. If it wasn't for my therapist medication and the work that I have have that I have had to do to unlearn all that hatred that my body has accumulated, I don't think I would be here to write or talk openly about the anti blackness and anti fatness I I deal with on a daily, on a day to day basis. So thank you for sharing that, Dr. John Paul. Very personal.

[Dustin Ross]

Brave.

[Asante]

Yeah. Especially being a long term listener and that the episode resonating with you as well. It's always great to pick topics that speak to our audience and you know, I just hate that the world has to be how it is. But I also want to talk about shit. And if it's something that you feel like, you know, well, if you're smart enough like Dr. John Paul to write a book about or if it's just something you want to have conversations with your friends about, I feel like those little conversations make a big difference in the long run. So that was why I wanted to do that. And I thank you all again for participating.

[Francesca]

Absolutely. I had a comment from Jessica who said, I've always carried extra weight even though I was a super active kid. I'll never forget a nutritionist asking my mother to leave the room when I was an elementary age child to tell me that no man would ever want me because I was fat.

[Asante]

Oh my God.

[Francesca]

A child. An elementary age child. Luckily I was a rude child and I told her where she could put that advice. But I cannot say that I haven't internalized that messaging my whole life. Awful. A lot of you were sharing a lot of similar experiences because we talked about that on that episode. Like you just go to the doctor because you got a little pain or it's just an annual checkup and somehow your weight will become the topic of discussion. And it happens everywhere. Doctors, you go get a new car. Like somehow it's just something that comes up and a lot of people were sharing how they feel about that. So thank you for your vulnerability in the comments as well.

[Dustin Ross]

Right.

[Francesca]

What about you, Dustin Ross, would you find in the Twitter streets?

[Dustin Ross]

Because you know that's where I was at.

[Francesca]

Sky Streets. What do they call them? Skeets? I don't know.

[Dustin Ross]

Shout out to Dateline. I just. Excuse me. Deadline, not Dateline. You're just so trained to see date in line. But Deadline, they said. Here's the first trailer for Adam Sandler's Happy Gilmore C sequel. Netflix dropped the first full trailer for the film this morning and they talked about the director, Kyle Newicheck, and the script was written by Tim Hurley. Hurley and Adam Sandler. Anyway, they got a Happy Gilmore sequel coming out now. They better not that up. That's one of my favorites. Yeah, you know, I love a stupid ass comedy like that. So that's awesome. That's it for me this week.

[Jade]

Week.

[Francesca]

That's. Oh, you know what? I actually wanted to mention a book that someone did suggest in the gator community. Tamara said, love the episode fan. You got me spending my money at Edom. Thank you. But they said regarding the topic of the show, Roxanne Gay's memoir, Hunger is a phenomenal piece of work. It definitely gives you a bird's eye view what life is like for overweight people. You should read it if you haven't already. 10 out of 10 recommend. Anyways, I love y'.

[Dustin Ross]

All. I think that we love you.

[Francesca]

Good. Yeah, I'm familiar with Roxane Gay because.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh, me too.

[Francesca]

She was always going viral on Twitter when Twitter was good and always, always and would always be on my feed. I remember I ended up just following her at that point. She would also be, you know, discussing politics and different things. But I thank you for telling us about that book. We'll definitely, I'm definitely gonna check it out and anyone else who is interested, interested, you make sure to do the same. That means, that means that's it for us. And we are about to jump into this week's episode. You sign up for something, forget about it after the trial period ends and then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not even using them. You're not even realizing you're subscribed half the time. In fact, I just learned that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused every month. Thanks to Rocket Money, I can see all of my subscriptions in one place and cancel the ones I'm not using anymore. And now I'm saving way more money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. Easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track as well, and you can see your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going. Get alerts too, if your bills increase in price, if there's any weird or unusual spending activity, or if you're close to going over budget. Relatable Content the new Goals feature automatically saves money for you so you don't have to think about it, pay off credit card debt, put away money for a house, or just build your savings. Either way, Rocket Money makes it easy. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Zone today. That's RocketMoney.com Zone this episode is brought.

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[Dustin Ross]

All right y', all, look, the weather is cooling down, the days are getting shorter and I want to be at home. And I know I'm not alone, although I'm alone in my own home. But that's another conversation. Listen, as your trusted destination for all things home, Wayfair has everything that you need to cozify your space this fall. And that's everything from comfy recliners to warm bedding and autumn decor. There's something for every style in every home, no matter your space or your budget. Wayfair's even got espresso makers y', all, so you can make that latte or that espresso martini right there at the crib. You know the one? Wayfair makes it easy to achieve your home goals with curated collections and room ideas plus free hassle free delivery even on large furniture. And listen, I just copped a beautiful all modern like three tier table that I had my eye on for a minute. I got it from Wayfair. It came. You know I'm headstrong and stubborn so I put it together myself And I'm looking at it. I could just be so proud of my blood, sweat and tears. But even if I didn't want to do that, they have so many options for home assembly delivery. Straight to your door. It's incredible. I love of my table. In fact, you may be seeing it soon. Around these parts, you can cosify your space with Wayfair's curated collection of easy, affordable fall updates. From comfy recliners to cozy bedding and autumn decor. Find it all for way [e-mail] that's W-A-Y-F-A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home.

[Francesca]

So, on this week's episode. Episode, as you can already see by the title, we are joined by Jade and XD of the Jade and XD podcast.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah.

[Francesca]

Y' all are like our absolute favorite to mash up. And I was telling y' all that last time we recorded, I was also in New York. It's something about the energy of being here. We did that New York Stories episode, remember?

[Dustin Ross]

I do.

[Francesca]

When I was in that Airbnb. So this is perfect. I'm back in New York, back with my friends, the conversation that I wanted to have today. But actually, before we even do that, can y' all introduce yourselves to people who may not be familiar? I don't know who that would be at this point, but just in case we have new listeners, too.

[Jade]

I'm Senora Problematica Favorita.

[Francesca]

Jade.

[Jade]

Yes.

[XD]

Yes. And I'm J. Yeah, I'm the Chuck D of homosexuality. Homo without a paw.

[Jade]

Homo la Flor.

[XD]

Homo la Flor.

[Dustin Ross]

Yes.

[Francesca]

The WUHA King Forever. My favorite. Yes.

[XD]

We have a Wang ding doodle every Friday.

[Francesca]

They really do. It's such a great podcast. I listen to it. I'm the president of their fan club, if you're unaware. Chief of staff. I love Jaden xd. I listen to all the other episode. Something about the shower, like getting ready in the shower and listening to y' all just works really well for me. Energetic.

[Dustin Ross]

Because it's a filthy show.

[Francesca]

That's why. Thank you.

[Dustin Ross]

So you feel like you want to. You know what I'm saying? I listen weekly. I'm a filthy motherfucker myself.

[Francesca]

Yeah, it's just so dang funny. So I thought, who better to join us in our conversation today about adulting, the woes of adulting. I knew that we would find a comedic big spin to the woes because it is a lot of grief with getting older and all the responsibilities. What I was telling them that would inspired me to do this specifically with y' all is that I had just gotten off the phone with like an insurance rep at geico. You know, our listeners already know I've been kind of in the throes of this car collision issue. A drunk driver that crashed totaled my car. And so, you know, just dealing with the ramifications of a Hershey it. And also I've got an update that she's at home with broken.

[Jade]

Good half the day. You deserve Carolyn.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah, give it up y'.

[Francesca]

All.

[Dustin Ross]

For the ribs.

[Asante]

I hope.

[Dustin Ross]

It sounded like a bowling ball hitting some pen when it broke.

[Francesca]

Honestly, more than anything, it just shocked me because she was standing there talking to us the whole time like nothing.

[Dustin Ross]

I mean that's how drunk she was. She didn't feel nothing.

[Francesca]

I think it was the combo of the adrenaline of the accident and being pissed ass drivers. It's just so. It's unbelievable. You ignored the, the she, her. What was that?

[Jade]

No, you know how they do.

[Francesca]

Well, it's almost all of this. I'm coming to ruin your show.

[Asante]

Chaos. What? Welcome.

[Francesca]

All in all, it's almost behind me. But I was in the thrs of that conversation with the insurance and the adjuster and them trying to lowball me and just the that I'm like, why do I have to deal with this? This is so crazy. And then I turn on Jaden XD to decompress. They're like my cigarette, you know what I mean? I sit down, listen to them and nicotine.

[XD]

We'll kill you.

[Dustin Ross]

What kind of cigarette are you? XD?

[Francesca]

Oh, cool.

[Dustin Ross]

You know, I'm a Newport 100.

[Jade]

I'm a pale male. That's what I am.

[Dustin Ross]

I'm an American cigarette.

[Asante]

You are.

[Dustin Ross]

Homemade rolled cigarette.

[Francesca]

Thank you.

[Dustin Ross]

Homemade dried tobacco.

[XD]

Yeah.

[Jade]

And paper. Thank you.

[Francesca]

But I was listening to y'. All. NXD starts sharing about the situation he's currently experiencing, which obviously I'm gonna ask him to, to explain better than I could. But it's about him being involved with his uncle and some, you know, end of life care. And even in listening to that, I was like, this is not like being an adult. These are the things, the details that you are not privy to as a child, as a teenager, as a 20 something year old, 30 something or even 40. I feel like every year I'm learning the new levels, new devils and just new aspects of adulting that are just so tedious and overwhelming. And I feel like a 10 year old that's cosplay every time where I'm like, who is the adult that's gonna come and do this the right way? I always feel that way. And I feel nervous on the phone. Like, I'm a kid that's taking on this adult responsibility, and so much is expected of me. And it is that part of the, like. But it's me. And then you're like, but, girl, you're, like, about to be 43 next month, so, like, get with the program. There's no one that's gonna come to save you. So I was curious if y'. All. You know, who's gonna come home? My hand. But I was curious. And obviously I want to start with XD so he can tell his story. But I was curious if y' all still feel that way, no matter the age. It's like, why am I the adult? Why do I have to.

[XD]

I still call my mother to this day. I did that yesterday.

[Francesca]

That's so beautiful.

[XD]

And it turned into something else, but, yeah. Oh, okay. So, long story short, I have an uncle who. And everybody has that one in the family where it's a sign. So there's complicated feelings surround him. Right. The thing is, he. He is at the end of his life, and he has elected to not do any type of treatments due to, like, kidney failure and things like that. So. Because he was like, what type of quality of life would I have if I have to go to dialysis? Dialysis every other day.

[Francesca]

That's real.

[XD]

And so he has voluntarily decided to end his life. And the problem is, one of the issues is the fact that, you know, his caretaker is my mother, who happened to be thrust upon, like, in that scenario.

[Francesca]

Right.

[XD]

So she's forced to. Having to deal with, you know, not only having to deal with her mother passing away not too long ago, but having to deal with her brother, her final sibling, passing on. And. And so even yesterday, we were talking. Yeah, we were talking about the process of end of life care, because I've never done that, even when I was working in social work. You. You work to do other things, but you never get to the end. Right.

[Francesca]

I didn't know that was legal.

[XD]

That was.

[Francesca]

You kind of opened my eyes to that because I'm like. I thought that was like, some experimental choice in, like, Sweden or something. I didn't know that here you could elect.

[Dustin Ross]

To be clear, you're talking about some, like, Dr. Kevorkian shit. I thought you meant he elected to not pursue treatment and just.

[Francesca]

No.

[Dustin Ross]

Live his days.

[XD]

He.

[Dustin Ross]

Is somebody gonna push a button?

[XD]

No, it's very interesting process, which is Also part of this whole adulting thing that I had never knew of.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah, that's real grown.

[XD]

That's real grown.

[Asante]

Right.

[XD]

So yesterday my mother, they had a meeting with me, a psychologist, and to assess whether he was in the right mind of like, you really want to do this? And he was like, yeah. And so they approved it. So essentially my mother has to go to CVS and pick up this medication and he has to take it himself. He has six months to do it. And however, well, it doesn't take that long to happen. Right. Otherwise the medicine expires. But when he does take it, whenever he chooses to, it takes between either six minutes to an hour. Right.

[Francesca]

I didn't know this was.

[Jade]

It's a one shot dose, right?

[XD]

Yes. So remember I. I was telling you, Jade, how it was supposed to be a process. And so after, when my mother was like, oh no, I. I got some clarification and to this adult thing, Even in her 60s, almost 70, she was like, you know, you never know what questions to truly ask until you're presented in this scenario. And so like my mother, I was talking to her and having questions, having her write down questions to go back, but she was like, you know, this is a surreal experience for me. Like, I don't have necessarily any, like, reference point. And I was like, neither do I. You know, and I think we're all in the space of raising our parents that part. And so, you know, it's kind of like, well, how do I help my mother? How do I help. Help the person that I love navigate these complicated emotions when I don't have necessarily the capacity or know how? So, yeah, that's what's happening on this.

[Dustin Ross]

Side in such a circumstance, you know what I'm saying? That's not just some, my relative is terminally ill or my relative is suffering some. This is unique, you know what I'm saying? So, like, I just. Wow, wow.

[Jade]

You know, I've been looking at, you.

[XD]

Think about like, yeah, you think about like people like so many of us have like family members in hospice, right? Or like, you know, just kind of waiting, you know, like, like one of the poignant things my mother said to me, you know, and she's beginning to open up more. She was like, I'm really tired of waiting. And she was like, I feel selfish for feeling this way, but she was like, you know, sometimes, you know, I wish I would be able. I was. Had the ability to grieve, but I can't right now. So it's like she's in this, like, emotional purgatory. And I'm like, that's. That's big deal for families to deal with. I never. I'm like, I'm sure I'm not the only one. So that's why I've kind of like made this thing.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah.

[XD]

But I'm like, you know, this is a lot to deal with for anybody. And it's just like, as an adult, I don't. I don't know nobody.

[Francesca]

And again, I think that's what we face as adults with, with some. Like, to me, this is a perfect example with you and your mom. It's like you have to be grieving while also making life altering decisions, while also researching these decisions, because you don't even know what the answer is for these decisions.

[XD]

And it's like, swear that was illegal.

[Jade]

As the only child, when I was.

[XD]

Listening to the episode, I ain't taking up the prescription.

[Dustin Ross]

I'm telling you now my name.

[Francesca]

Like, imagine the pressure of walking home or getting in your car knowing, like, this is the pill, like, I'll be the tremor. Now are you guys gonna do, like. I mean, I don't mean to get into anything too personal, so obviously you decide, but is your uncle going to do like. Like a. Like not an event, but, you know, like a reception, Like a goodbye party? Is he like. I'm so curious how he's organizing this. Is it just like I'm. This is me. Because there's some people that view death differently. Not everyone views it like this. Yeah. Some people, like, have a party, celebrate me.

[Asante]

Like, I'm not gonna lie, friend. I immediately thought about that episode of Atlanta when they were in Amsterdam when you first started saying that's what I.

[Francesca]

Was like, there's a lot of different. Different ways that people have relationship to death. So I'm curious if he has discussed this with y' all about how he wants to go about this.

[XD]

Yes. And it's. And it's become a. A lot of conversation between me and my mother, because what my mother believes in is what things. How should go as far as religious context. My uncle doesn't believe that. And so when it was like, so what you want to do? He was like, put me in a box. And he was like, yeah. He was like, what do you want to do with like, the. The remains? He was like, leave it with the company. So he was like, what are you. He was like, what y' all gonna do with it? The same thing that they would. And I was like, okay. Whereas other people have different emotions about how There should be things. And I was like, you can't. You have to respect. Respect people's wishes of how they would like to you do lead their last days on Earth. And I joked. I was like, he gonna haunt you.

[Jade]

I told my family that, too. They didn't respect my dad as well.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah, I could totally. I've never thought about that until you just mentioned it, friend. But I could totally have a I'm about to die party.

[Jade]

I mean, I just saw somebody have.

[XD]

Independence party to see people enjoy my life.

[Francesca]

Life. Like, let's celebrate the time you had with me and. And let's enjoy this. I've seen people do that, and I always thought that was so inspiring.

[Jade]

I literally just saw my first one, and it was a father who has a terminal illness, and he told his daughter, I want to hear all of what my loved ones have to say about me. Like, I want to celebrate with them. And so they had a party, and he got to hear everybody's speeches, and they really went out out the way that he wanted to. It looks like in the states, voluntary euthanasia. Oh, I've been looking it up, you know, like, rabbit hole. California, Colorado, D.C. hawaii, Maine, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington.

[Francesca]

That's it. Not Oregon.

[Jade]

Are you surprised?

[Asante]

I mean, they got.

[XD]

Y' all got cracked mixed to Fritos and Vin. Yeah, you can just do.

[Dustin Ross]

That's on you.

[Jade]

Oregon, is it. We ball, you know, capital of the country.

[Francesca]

No. And honestly, this. Is this another part of adulting, too, is considering. Wow. I'm back.

[Asante]

It ain't just me.

[Dustin Ross]

That wasn't me. Y'.

[Francesca]

All.

[Dustin Ross]

I know y' all thought that was me, but it was.

[Francesca]

But when my. My grandmother. When she passed on, this is the first death that I experienced. Or I should say close death, you know, where it's like a family member that I've experienced at the point in my life where now I'm gonna make the decisions. And I felt completely unequipped. Like, when my cousin texts me, like, grandma passed. And then she was like, you gotta come to the house. House at my. My body froze. Because I'm like, what do you. What do you mean? Like, because you're not the kid anymore that's being shielded.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah.

[Francesca]

When you're a kid, your grandma passes. You have nothing to do with the whole process of finding the body. Who do you call when you find someone? You know, like. And I just froze. And that's the part of the. Like, oh, okay. I have to. Like, I don't even know what the steps are when someone passes. Like, no one talks. Talks to you about that. What do you do if you walk into a house and someone has passed? What? Who's the first person you call and then what? You know, like, there's no book for this. No, I haven't. Personally, I don't know if you guys have been talked through these things, but.

[Asante]

I never was very much like you friend. I too was a fish out of water when my grandmother passed. She was at home. She was at a home. And some of the things were already pre taken care of for her. So we had to pick up slack on the back end, which is like a whole thing of itself. So it's like, once we got representation to like, it was a whole estate thing that we're like in the process of doing and everything. Like, I can't even explain, like, I've done a lot, but there is just no way for me to even eloquently map out all of the things that I have done and still have to do.

[Francesca]

Because you're like, learning on the job.

[Asante]

Learning on the job. And they actually, in my case, you know, they make it to where it is kind of a job in itself. It's like, you know, know, you have to rack, you know, pull clock hours and actually make it part. Part job. So there are literally times where it's like, all right, I have to set aside four hours to deal with this right now.

[Francesca]

Yeah.

[Asante]

And it's like, okay, well, a new job that I actually didn't have any. Like, you know, if I'm gonna go back to work, it's gonna be in the service industry or something. Like, I don't know how to do this type of administrative paperwork. Reaching out to lawyers, calling banks, getting. Getting copies of credit reports or sending out copies for credit reports of death certificates, certified mail, like getting things in on time, making sure you have accounting. It was like, okay, there are, you know, we're firing at 10 different cylinders right now, but we're going to figure that out. Oh, yeah, you still got to work tomorrow. Oh, okay. All right. Well, all right. This is just another job. So it's just overwhelming. And like you said, there is no blueprint. And maybe, you know, there are like, things that you find on the go that are like, okay, there is something for this, this. But these things don't happen. And fortunately they don't happen frequent enough to where we're talking about them enough. So that's why it's such a timely episode, because I'm in the middle of trying to figure all this out, been in the middle of it and don't even know how to, like, make sense of half of it. But then it's like, I'm surprising myself because it's like, okay, you. You're doing a good job doing this. So there is, like, this other side of it. It's like, all right, I'm, you know, flexing this muscle and, like, building this muscle up to do some. Some other shit. So it's like, all right, maybe this actually has shown me I can do something else with my life. Like, not that I want to, you know, be no. You know, work in the courts or anything, but just, you know, doing some of the things I was doing, making some of the phone calls. I was like, you know, I kind of feel like, you know, executive. Ish. Yeah. You know, it was making me feel grown. It was empowering me when I was getting some. As I'm getting some of it done. So it's like, all right, this is cool. This is dope. I mean, unfortunate circumstances, but sometimes we see how powerful we are in those unfortunate circumstances. So. So that's, like, the blessing that I've been trying to see on the other side of this lesson that I'm continuous continuing to learn as we continue to grow as adults.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah, I don't want to make this the death episode, and you know what I'm saying?

[XD]

Oh, yeah. Because I was about to shift. Because I was like, no, but this is important, right?

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah, but, like, my uncle lived in.

[XD]

The tent in the backyard. It makes a lighter, you know.

[Dustin Ross]

Well, so far, your uncle has been a thousand mean. I'm just gonna tell you, like, I. I see. I feel seen and heard by the choices and perspectives and inspired.

[Francesca]

What a life.

[Dustin Ross]

My. Speaking of uncles, like, you know, my uncle had died last year or whatever, and I had to go back home for the. For the funeral. And one of the things that has been a consistent reoccurrence, you know what I'm saying, in my experience of adulthood was forced grace. Having to give people. Being forced to give grace to people per the circumstance. Right. Like, when my uncle died, I had to be around a bunch of. That I have not seen in 25.

[Francesca]

Oh, God. That's always the worst part of funerals.

[Dustin Ross]

And. And things were very, very different the last time. I saw a lot of people, and they were in a position to. Or thought they were in a position to. Or cast judgment or whatever the. You know, and so being reintroduced to some of these people at the today version of myself, you know, you know what I'm saying? I really could have tore a lot of up at that funeral and deserved it from me, but instead I was nice and graceful because of the occasion. And that reflected more on who I am and my character and, and I hate like that because I'd be wanting to get it off my chest. But that's adulting, right? Choosing to, to be graceful or choosing to take the high road at times when you really don't want to, you know what I'm saying? And furthermore to the death piece of it all, you know what I'm saying? Death in general, the older you get, you know, I'm a man of a certain age at a certain station in life. Hell, my birthday coming up next month and death is wild. The, the, the, the, the frequency increasing, you know what I'm saying? That you lose people as you age. Feeling that increase of that progression in real time is the wildest, most trippy in the world. Like when you sit like damn, all these died, you start feeling like you was reading that letter in life and your dog, sister in law.

[XD]

I just had this conversation this morning with Chris Rogers.

[Dustin Ross]

It feels like that, you know what I'm saying? And so I think that learning to manage that, especially when it's deaths that are close to you, be your family members that you really with like that and God forbid, you know, but closer relatives and best friends and that once you start treading in those waters of grief, grief that is a. Because you still got to keep everything going in your life because you're an adult, right?

[Francesca]

And that's.

[Dustin Ross]

Can't pause and you can get hit left and right. So just death, managing death, understanding death, reframing death as it, as it, as it, you know, is more suitable for where you are in life type, right? That has been a crazy part of adult for me is my relationship to death in general, you know what I'm saying? It's been a, and I think it has been for all of us on this goddamn riverside.

[Francesca]

It has. And I remember after my grandmother passed and you're like, okay, you have to call the police, right? Because we gotta, they gotta know what happened to her. So they don't think something happened to her with us, you know, and you call them first, which is already a strained choice. Very risky, very risky. They're coming in. So the police are there now in the middle of you grieving now you're with the police and with family members. You don't really with like that. It's just a lot, you know what I Mean, you're like, this is very over stimulating. And then. Then you have to be like, okay, I have to go to a funeral home. I've never gone to a funeral home to like just walk in and say, hey, what y' all doing?

[Jade]

Pick some things.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah.

[Francesca]

You know. Yeah. I was so tripping for like, you're like window shopping at a goddamn funeral.

[Jade]

Just here for a couple.

[Francesca]

Even that. Yeah. And you know, I'm. And I'm the type of person that has to read reviews. And so I'm reading reviews for good funeral.

[XD]

Like. No, that's. That's real. I had to do the same thing for like when my grandma. When my grandmother passed away.

[Francesca]

Right.

[XD]

I had to go find caskets wholesale because the funeral home had. Had outrageous ass prices. Little did I just like Costco for.

[Jade]

You should have asked me. I would have told you.

[Asante]

Crazy.

[XD]

I should.

[Asante]

Yeah.

[XD]

I. I learned the hard. I was like, this is fascinating. And I remember in the movie Rise. Right. Memory Rise about the crumping. And they had the casket thing right next to the 7 11. But I was like, okay. I was like, that's house of the 10. So I could just put that where that was. But no, it's a real.

[Dustin Ross]

Forgot about that.

[Jade]

Caskets are very expensive. And I watched this docu Tombstone. Docu series. Oh, Tombstone.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh, Tombstone.

[Francesca]

Like, let's get started on what the bill is when you.

[Jade]

And the engraving what you want to put on there.

[Francesca]

And the service. And the service.

[Asante]

Y.

[Dustin Ross]

You might as well buy a house to put the damn casket in. Yeah, let the. That's how expensive.

[Francesca]

And then if the person didn't have, you know, their in order beforehand because we know how much is the kind of like the ballpark. And you save some. Some people save their money. So the burden isn't put on their family members. Because the average family member does not have 15 to 30,000. 40,000 for a person's, you know, home. Good hope. There we go. That's a great word. So you know when. Then that becomes a fight between the family because it's like, well, it's your mother. Well, it's your aunt. Well, it's here. Well, you gotta pay. And then, you know, with my grandma, my. I was like, I'm just gonna come out of pocket. Luckily, she was just like, I want to be cremated. Which I thought was gonna be like 20 bucks. Like, I was like, oh, this is gonna be nothing. And child, it was not. I was coming out of pocket for a couple thousand.

[XD]

I learned that this week. No, I said the Same thing. Now let me tell you. Me and my mother had this conversation cuz she was like cremation. It was gonna be like $300, friend.

[Francesca]

No XD. You get it?

[XD]

I swear.

[Francesca]

Why did no one else think like oh yeah, cremation is like, you know what 150.

[XD]

My mother was like, do you know this is $2,000? She was disgusted.

[Dustin Ross]

The brick of it.

[XD]

I mean, then I thought I was like, so then wait a minute. If I'm paying all this money, this better be all of their remains, right? Because I'm like, like don't do like a group. You got to figure out like if I got piece of like John Ritter in with my uncle, you know what I mean?

[Jade]

That's what happened when they had a docu.

[Dustin Ross]

I don't know what this is.

[Jade]

And these people were telling these people, we're, we're. We're burying your loved ones. They're going to be trees. They're going to be buried under trees and they could contribute to the soil and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. These people were lying to these families. They were packing and piling these bodies in a, in a room. And it was sludge. Yes. I'm dead. I'm so serious. It was sludge and all kinds of things.

[Dustin Ross]

You know, this is what I was interested.

[Jade]

Death goop. You know, because the body and the organs and his bodies on bodies. So on top of that, these loved ones have never gotten to a point.

[Dustin Ross]

You talking about it like that, that's.

[Asante]

What'S taking me out.

[Dustin Ross]

Supposed to say yes, it's bodies on bodies.

[Jade]

And that's what it was.

[Dustin Ross]

Floods and death juice and it was.

[Jade]

You know, this is why we're here. 11 years in the game. Thank you, Fred.

[Francesca]

And.

[Asante]

It'S just hilarious. How you doing?

[Jade]

You know, Let me, let me really do it for you. They were stacked like Jenga, Dustin. They were slack like Jenga. The floor was a sweet up. You want me to paint a picture for you?

[Dustin Ross]

So there's them Squid games. Bunk.

[Asante]

Oh my God.

[Dustin Ross]

Eight bunk beds on squid game.

[Francesca]

No, this episode's title is St. Jenga. I'm just saying it right now. They have no idea what we're talking about.

[Jade]

But it, it was really. I felt so bad for the loved ones because there was a lack of peace in them really being able to like, you know what I'm saying? Mourn their loved ones in the way they want. Then when they feel finally figured out what was happening, they were like, I don't know whose ashes I got. I don't know who's this necklace?

[Asante]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Francesca]

In my house. Oh, my God.

[Dustin Ross]

So.

[Jade]

And the other part to this is, you know, while we're talking about mortality, you start thinking about your own. And nobody paints a clearer picture of your mortality than your child.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh, what happened?

[Asante]

Nothing.

[Jade]

That is just growing every day.

[Francesca]

Her boot. She's getting a new boo.

[Ad Host]

Boobs.

[Francesca]

Every.

[Jade]

I'm that mom. I'm like, boobs. There's so many boobs. I make her, you know, I was.

[Francesca]

Like, let's not make it up. Literally said, come over. Come see. No boobs. I was like, okay.

[Jade]

You know, I'm like, look at them. They squeeze them and they do.

[Francesca]

They paint a picture.

[Jade]

And Tristan and I had to set ourselves up for, like, I knew my parents had life insurance on me. They've been Never been quite sure, but. But, you know, they were always like, this girl plays games. But Kristen and I were like, wait, we got to make sure this set up. Like, we have to. So we had to go through and research life insurance companies and see what kind of policy was going to make sense for us and what's that going to leave her with to take care of her, but also making sure she doesn't incur our debt. And that is a frightening, frightening, frightening experience to go through because it puts your mentality right in front of your face.

[Francesca]

Yeah. And even having to have those types of conversations, because I've talked to my mom about what she wants done. You know, I'm like, do you want a funeral? Do you want a service? Do you not want a service? Do you want cremation? Like, and we have to sit. And my mom doesn't want to talk about this. She's just like, like, girl. But I'm like, but we have to, because what happens is, regardless of which one of us goes first, it's gonna be harder on the other person if they have no idea what the person.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah.

[Francesca]

Like, if you have it written out and prepared and hopefully paid for, then it just makes the process easeful so that I can move on to grieving. Yeah. You know what I mean? And. And we can do you exactly how you want. My grandmother, though, did put everything in writing, and it has been ignored. Like, she wanted to be thrown in the water. Her ashes. And my uncle is literally sitting with an urn in his living room.

[Dustin Ross]

So they just did what they wanted to do.

[Francesca]

Yeah. And that's another thing that's tough when you're fake. Like, she's definitely doing the work because that's his mom. Right? That's his mom. So I don't have any say. I'm sorry.

[Jade]

I'm sorry.

[Francesca]

Why would he do that?

[Jade]

Why would he do that Emotion.

[Francesca]

Like, y' all seen that gif. That gif on Twitter.

[Dustin Ross]

That. With the mask.

[Francesca]

With the mask on. And like, the little. But that's hard, too, with your family. When it's like, people are stubborn or they have like, their own personal going on. Religious. And then you're like, I don't have any say over, like her son. You know what I'm saying? And then sense. It makes. Makes me sad because I'm like, even getting it in writing does not guarantee that your family's going to abide. So it's just tricky out here.

[Dustin Ross]

You have to have an attorney on deck that you have told some dangerous family secrets. They can have a consequence. Right? Like, look, he said no damn open cast, right? Otherwise we gonna bring up that baby, you know, try. Yeah, do that kind of on your behalf.

[Francesca]

Who.

[Jade]

Who have you all assigned to do different things? You know what I'm saying? I had to think about who's going to take care of Noah if we die. You know, who's going to get rid of my vibrators when I. You know what I'm saying? Like, you.

[XD]

These are things you absolute delete.

[Francesca]

Who's going to delete your browser on your.

[Jade]

Who's throwing out all your lube?

[Dustin Ross]

Let me tell y' all something. Let me tell y' all something. That's a real thing.

[Jade]

Yes.

[Dustin Ross]

Having to clean out the home of a. Of a deceased friend or family. That's a real. That's a real thing.

[Asante]

So that's actually had that conversation with a couple of my friends.

[Dustin Ross]

Like, that's why I tell my brother everything. Now.

[Asante]

There are a couple of people I already know. There are a couple of people I have instructed them. I was like, listen, if anything goes sideways about anything, you know, there are specific things that I need you to do. Like, don't go through these devices for no photos. Just clean it all. Like, get. Documents are saved on this drive. There is cash here to handle certain things.

[XD]

Like, there are accounts here in a television, like, upstairs.

[Asante]

For real. Like, there are specific instructions. I have a couple people that I'm like, I need just in case.

[Dustin Ross]

I don't know why.

[Francesca]

To have systems in place.

[Asante]

I've been on some real, like, ghetto over the past, like, couple years. Like, I've just been like, friend. That's why when you suck them up back to parallel sore. I've just Been like doing certain little things. I'm just like, I don't know, I just feel like the world is so crazy that, you know, I just don't know. So starting little things.

[Dustin Ross]

Like what?

[Asante]

I mean, look at where we are. Like, look who's in office. Look at how the people act.

[Dustin Ross]

No, no, no. You said you've been doing certain little things. Oh, because of how it is.

[Asante]

Well, just like telling people who I need to come clean up devices and things like that.

[Francesca]

Right, right.

[Jade]

Hide the bodies. Yeah, exactly.

[Asante]

Yes, yes.

[Francesca]

And Jade, I know Jade, you. I thought of you too. Because I remember you had, I think it was an uncle. You had to write an obituary.

[Jade]

Yeah. What's.

[Francesca]

And even being asked to write an obituary, it's like, oh my goodness, y'. All. What?

[Jade]

You know, it not even. It was. And it wasn't just the uncle. It was like a period where it was during COVID 2020 to like 2023. I lost two uncles, two friends, and my, and my great grandmother. And it started with my great grandmother when they were like, somebody has to assemble all the family pictures and get the obituary together. Other and you know me, queen of tech. They were like, jer, we had last night. Exactly. And what happened? I was like, xd, I need you to help me with something very heavy. So.

[Francesca]

Oh my God. XT's like, what is this? Getting crowned.

[Jade]

Rogers have put together no less than at least three of my family members photo montages for their funerals. And I wrote their obituary. So, you know, that wasn't, that wasn't anything, you know, I never thought I would have to, you know, strengthen those chops, you know what I'm saying? But it is something that just comes exactly, that just comes up and then you don't know who it's going to come up for or how you're, how you're going to be tied into that. And so, so these are some of the things that they do not. I don't think they talk to us about them because they, they didn't know either. They're dealing with it too. Like my grandma, my mother is still dealing with her 89 year old mother. And there are things she doesn't know because she's never had an 89 year old mother before. You know what I'm so. Everybody is literally trying to figure it out as they go and I think the last thing they're thinking about is, let me prepare you with the same conversation so that you're not jarred the way that I was. And the jarring is what continues to be our generational curse collectively. You know what I mean? So it's rough.

[Francesca]

Yeah.

[Dustin Ross]

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[Francesca]

App.

[Asante]

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[XD]

I I have something about the woes of adulting that happened to me recently and I got a letter in the mail and I flipped out from the I.R.S.

[Francesca]

Oh, God. Can I just say, even just seeing a letter from the IRS makes my body feel things. And I hate that. I hate it.

[Dustin Ross]

I start feeling like Betty Wright, I'm married. I'm trimming, waiting on you.

[Francesca]

They have too much power. And I hate it.

[Asante]

I don't like it.

[XD]

And you know, and it's wild because I've been watching things that happen to star people that have, like, tax issues. Like, whatever reason I was watching 2 Wong Fu, I've been knee deep in dance moms because, you know, after we. You know what I mean? Like every. I saw Lauren Hill perform. You know what I mean? Like, like all got.

[Dustin Ross]

I mean, God, I have.

[XD]

Harvest of the world has been top 10 sweating.

[Asante]

Wow.

[XD]

When I got that letter and I was like, you know, a lot of times, Jesus Christ. You know, a lot of us come from just working class families when it's just like the W2 or whatever. No one has ever prepared me for the onslaught of fear. Of fear and, and just psychological warfare that the Internal Revenue Service puts on you as a. As a anybody, you know what I mean? Regardless if you make $2 or 2.

[Dustin Ross]

Million and new York stick to that as well.

[Jade]

Well, because I hate us. And for all of the gouging that they do for us as well, I think I might be a little bit more scared of New York State right now than I am of the irs because they're in limbo, you know what I mean?

[XD]

So only 12 people working right now.

[Jade]

Yikes.

[Francesca]

I did see some people talking about, like, oh, we don't have to pay taxes this year because the IRS isn't about to exist. I was like, you play if you want to.

[XD]

For a certain complexion, it won't exist.

[Francesca]

No, but I'm with you. XD anything with taxes, even just filing taxes, like tax time itself, it's just. It's just a feeling every time we get close to March and April, because March, you know, is your business tax, April is your personal tax. I just. It's that looming feeling of. And even if you have the money, don't have money, whatever the case may be at. I just hate that I feel. That's another thing. I feel like a child that doesn't know what's happening. And I hate that. I literally feel with taxes, they could tell me anything. And I just go with that because.

[Asante]

Because of the way it was like, set up. Like when you're first introduced to taxes, like, it's like you're at your first job and they just telling you how to fill out Anything. And then from there it's like just continued confusion. Like, you know, you just selected anything at that job, so it's like, okay, I know I want this much withheld or to keep this. And then you wait for that return to come or that refund if you get one that year, right? And then it's like, oh, you didn't get one because you selected the wrong thing. So it's like, damn right. Gotta learn the system there. And then, right? That's like just one job. And then like, let's say you're in a restaurant job where you're getting, like, tips and, like, you know, these are different things. So, like, it just keep. The game is always different. And there was never, like, a starting place to even figure out, like, okay, the tax system works like this way, this way, or this way I'll actually, you know, get employed or, you know, start my business around this way, this formation instead. So it's like you're. You're just fucked from the beginning. And it's like you just continue into your adulthood learning all of these different things. And sometimes you can get ahead of them, and sometimes you just feel like you're all one. But then you get that letter and it just makes you feel like, oh, am I not on one? And sometimes it's just like, oh, yeah, just, you know, fucking receipt. And it's like, oh, okay, bitch.

[XD]

Because that's exactly what it was.

[Dustin Ross]

Thank God.

[Asante]

I know y'.

[Dustin Ross]

All.

[Francesca]

That feeling, though, when you open it and you're like, oh, they're just letting me know they got it. Okay, let's see.

[Dustin Ross]

Right hand on your forehead. Immediately.

[XD]

Yeah, yeah. It was like diarrhea feeling like. Like, oh, my God.

[Dustin Ross]

No, I feel relief.

[Francesca]

And when I. When I first moved to Oregon, one of the things that I learned and it was so fucked up was like, different counties. Cause I, you know, I don't. In New York, you just paid what it was. But in Oregon, in your county, depending on how much you make, you have to pay these other taxes that I never knew about. Like, kindergarten for all. Like, there's a kinder. There's a kindergarten for all tax. There's an arts tax to keep arts in the schools. There's a low. I mean, honestly, these are great. But if. How was I supposed to know? I'm. No one told me. Like, and then my accountant, who's New York based, I would think he would have looked this up, right? Like, shouldn't he have been privy to, like, oh, you know what? Your county has the he didn't even know.

[XD]

Said the same thing. My t. Our tax guy lives in New York, and he had to look up here because he was out of Washington. Y' all do in the West.

[Francesca]

But should he not have done that before you filed? So here he goes, telling me after now that I'm paying a fine because I didn't pay these three taxes. But here's where the. The real kicker.

[XD]

You might want to call the better business.

[Jade]

Right, Right.

[Francesca]

But here's the kicker. Here's the kicker. They didn't alert me my first year. They alerted me that I was late my third year. So I hadn't paid the first year I moved here. I had a. Paid the second.

[Jade]

So you got all penalties.

[Francesca]

Imagine. Imagine finding out that you're three years late on a county tax that you had no idea your account had no idea. And now. And the guy tells me. And so I said to the guy, but if I was late, shouldn't I have received a letter? You know, like, a letter saying, hey, you haven't paid this thing. You know what he said to me? I said, systems have been back.

[Jade]

No, hold on now. But it wasn't backed up enough for you to find me.

[Francesca]

So I got no notification. I got no notification. My accountant wasn't aware. Y' all didn't tell me because your systems are backed up. But I have to pay three years of funds. I wanted to cry. Luckily, it wasn't anything too crazy, because the tax for, like, arts program is, like, 30 bucks. Like, yeah. So I paid maybe a couple hundred bucks in fines, but still, that's shocking.

[Jade]

Yeah.

[Francesca]

And you don't want to be behind. I'm one of those sticklers. I don't want to be behind.

[Asante]

You want to be flagged in the system for nothing, that they need to just call you.

[Francesca]

Call me if this is a payment amount. Like, it's one of those things that I do not play with. Like, even now, my taxes are already paid. They've been taken out. Like, do not play with that.

[Jade]

I'm like, I don't like where mine are going. So I'm gonna play the I'm not going to jail game, but we're going to dance a little bit. Not me.

[Francesca]

Like, I just. I just felt like that's the part of adulting that sucks, when it's something that's out of your wheelhouse and you feel like they can tell you anything, and you're just like, here, here's the payment. I remember XD actually saying on Twitter years ago that he was going to take an accounting class just so that he. Or a law class. Tax law class, rather to be like. Like, at least somewhat aware of what the y' all are asking of me when I file my taxes. Because I do feel, like, dumb half the time, just sitting there, like, whatever.

[Jade]

He says, okay, Like, I should be.

[Asante]

Able to file extra forms to be like, actually, I don't want this taken out, or I would like this much given back to me. Or like, you know what I'm saying? There's gotta be some.

[Francesca]

I want to have the verbiage. I would love to have the proper verbiage. You know, like, this is. Like this is. There are people that file their own taxes because they're so aware. Yeah. They're so well versed in tax law. And I'm like, I want to be that person. I just haven't taken the steps because it gets me very overwhelmed.

[XD]

That's supreme elite level of adulting. Like, you do your own taxes. Like, I don't even. I actually don't want to know what that's like. You know what I mean? No, I feel like that's a little too much for me.

[Dustin Ross]

Some of these people that saying they doing their own shit don't need to be doing their own shit. You know what I'm saying?

[Jade]

That's why I got audited at 24, letting a named Earl do my taxes. And I was like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, don't let your friend's cousin do your taxes. You know what I mean?

[Dustin Ross]

Like, while. While a $93,000 refund would be nice.

[Jade]

He's like, you went to school last year, so you're going to be getting $16,000 back at 23. You're like, yeah.

[Dustin Ross]

Kids is.

[Jade]

Then you come back, you're 28 years old, and you're like, this Earl just resurfaced. I hate him. I can't find him anywhere. But this letter just showed up. So you know that.

[Francesca]

And then the Earl is long.

[Jade]

Earl is long gone. No longer doing taxes. And the medical aspect of it, you know, we're all entrepreneurs, too. You know what I'm saying?

[Francesca]

We're entrepreneurs. Don't get me started on scam.

[Jade]

We talked about our mortality quality at the top of this. That comes with health. Things that come that you are not expecting. And then we all work for ourselves. So when I got laid off from my job and I knew that was it for me in corporate, I was like, so who's going to give me the insurance now? Like, where does that come from, you know?

[Dustin Ross]

Right, right, right.

[Francesca]

That's so real. You're like, wait, I don't, I don't.

[Jade]

Oh, I don't have any. Like, as soon as you need to get your teeth clean it, you get kicked right in your. And you say, oh, okay, yeah, I have to.

[Dustin Ross]

Don't even get that started. I had some nightmare dental emergencies night. Well, nightmare medical emergencies where I've had to figure it the out or else.

[Jade]

You just saw me almost kill myself at my aunt's house, sliding, diving into a tray table. I didn't have insurance to be doing all of that. Then I got a kid this wants to jump off the top of her loft bed and do all kinds of things. I have to, to have daily conversations. Do not do this because I, I have to pay this out of pocket because it's expensive as every.

[Francesca]

Yeah, and then you pay. But the thing is, you pay these insurances to be like a good adult, right? You're like, I'm gonna pay my car insurance. I'm gonna get a good car insurance that actually covers some. Like, with me, I learned about gap insurance and people were teaching me like, yeah, if you had gotten like some basic insurance insurance, it would have regardless. And then, you know, but then I did get the quote unquote, good insurance, but then they were still trying to like lowball me when it came to paying me out for my car, you know, and it was like I had to be on the phone like haggling with the. I'm like, why am I haggling if I pay insurance?

[Dustin Ross]

And the thing is, without telling too much of your personal details, they knew that you had certain options available that you didn't know you had. And they weren't forthcoming about that. That should have been the first thing they looked to see right there in their system. You know what I'm saying? And if you, if you are any type of human being with. With fellow feeling type, you would think, man, let me. Let me make sure. Let me try to figure out how I can help what kind of, you know, assistance. No, they weren't.

[Jade]

No, not at all.

[Dustin Ross]

They don't even give a.

[Jade]

And friend, be grateful that that has insurance because, you know, I'm driving, you know, I. My car. I call her Tommy Lee Jones lovingly, because she is two faced from Batman. You know, on one side she's a vehicle, on the other side is God damn. And so because my car was parked.

[Francesca]

Oh my God.

[Jade]

While we were inside on my Nana Zoom funeral that I did the obituary for.

[Francesca]

Oh, My God.

[Jade]

And Tristan left to go run an errand and he called me and he said, somebody hit our car. So I happened to call the gas station that's by my house just to see how far out their cameras happened to go. Cuz it was parked outside there, not even working. They worked. They didn't go out that far. But the man who answered the phone said, God loved you. He said somebody left. Somebody saw your car get hit and left a note. It wasn't the person who hit the car, but somebody saw it. So I was able to at least find out what happened. Our car got hit by a dollar van with paper tags. W. The jumped out of the dollar van for me into an infinity with paper tacks. So then the other okie doke was, you know, that, you know, Brooklyn. And it's not even just.

[Dustin Ross]

It's like, who hit your car? Hush puppy. This sound like some scammers.

[Jade]

They were absolutely. Paper tags, Dustin. So then. So then the insurance company. We have good, good insurance. The insurance company. Okay, we're going to come out, we'll send an adjuster out. We're going to do everything. Oh, we're gonna. We're gonna run this little machine just to make sure the car was parked when it was hit. And we're both like, oh, the car was fully parked. Like, we're not worried about it.

[Francesca]

Right?

[Jade]

This little machine told the adjuster, stop it. We were in movement when the car got hit. I said, what kind of. I said, what are you hooking up?

[Asante]

What the.

[Jade]

Is this a Game Boy? I was like, are you hooking up a Talk Boy to my car? Like, this is not a working machine.

[XD]

I've never heard of this.

[Asante]

You know what this machine is called? I got to look.

[Jade]

No insanity, but.

[Francesca]

And they went off of.

[Jade]

They went off a little meter or whatever the. This thing is. They hook up to your car specifically to see. Make sure you're telling the truth and that you weren't, you know, the accident happened another way.

[XD]

Scientology.

[Jade]

Oh, they did.

[Francesca]

Triggered.

[Jade]

And Zenu lied like they do because they said we were in movement. I was like, I was at my nana's funeral when we got hit. Our car was parked fully. And they were like, no, it says it was in movement. So then we had to go back and forth.

[Francesca]

I never heard of that.

[Jade]

And I'm still driving Tommy Lee Jones.

[XD]

There's got to be a wait. So hold on. Podcast.

[Francesca]

They never. They just went with what the thing said. And that was.

[XD]

Of racism. Appliances of racism.

[Jade]

Exactly. It's like a Landlord. It's like a master bedroom.

[XD]

Yeah.

[Jade]

You know what I mean?

[XD]

Or a check cashing place.

[Francesca]

Because you're paying these people on a monthly basis to think that, you know, God forbid something happens, you're covered money that we don't even have half the time to be paying for some insurance just in case. Case. And then it doesn't even cover it when the time comes. I think that was most infuriating.

[Jade]

Yeah. That supposed to pay my.

[Francesca]

It's infuriating.

[Jade]

What's insurance?

[Francesca]

Yeah. And I learned that. Honestly, I learned that even through our episode. Yeah. They. Someone was like, oh, I have uninsured motorist insurance. I'm like, what the. So I gotta pay insurance. Yep.

[Jade]

That's the thing.

[Francesca]

In case someone without the U. I.

[Dustin Ross]

Am the underinsured motorist.

[Jade]

But the problem here is in Brooklyn, you're already paying an astronomical amount just for full coverage. So now and then you paid the gap insurance and all of these things. I paid my car off years ago at this point. But now I need to go because this has paper tags like, this is absolutely insane.

[Francesca]

And you know what? That's a good point too. That your insurance costs will depend on your neighborhood.

[Jade]

Very much so.

[Francesca]

And that's a lot of racism as well. Because I remember when I realized, bro. I remember when I moved from Harlem to Brooklyn and I was trying to get renters insurance. When I told them my zip code and Flatbush, she literally said, yeah, yeah. The girl stuttered. She kind of was like, well, we ain't working.

[Jade]

I don't know what to tell you.

[Francesca]

And Flatbush.

[Jade]

No, I have no, I do have. I have renters.

[Francesca]

But I didn't know that was a. I didn't know that was a thing where like your neighborhood. Neighborhood made them second guess and. Or they'll charge you something insane. Like. I had no idea. I thought renters insurance was renters insurance. There's a baseline fee. You pay it or you don't. And she said, what is your zip code? When I gave her that flat, she was like, click.

[Jade]

And if I may, that happened because remember that also tried to light our building on fire a couple weeks ago, which was another. Which happened right after the LA fires parable of the song so and so. Yo, Big, big.

[Asante]

So.

[Jade]

So when he tried to light our building on fire, obviously that, you know, lit a fire up under my ass, you know, pun intended. And I had to get even more together. And I started thinking about, okay, what happens if we. Cuz we. We. We do have a solar panel in this Apartment. Me and my husband and a generator. And you would, you know, and we always keep.

[Asante]

Don't tell too much.

[Jade]

You're right, you're right, you're right. We stay prepared.

[Dustin Ross]

Yeah.

[Jade]

But we weren't thinking about being prepared to leave. And so it was like if I literally was startled out of my bed at 3 o' clock in the morning, you know what I'm saying? And all I could think about was I have a giant box of like generations of pictures. Generations. Oh, my great great grandmother. Like, I was like. So I started. Started creating a go box and I was like, okay, if we need to leave, I need to be able to take this and, and assess what's the most important in our home. And so that's another aspect that you think that you don't think about the cases of an emergency and how to.

[Francesca]

Prepare for those and natural disasters.

[Jade]

Yeah, yeah. It's a, it's a mind every.

[Dustin Ross]

Don't get us started on a kid.

[XD]

Yeah. Like every Sunday for the last three weeks, we've had an earthquake.

[Francesca]

Quick.

[Asante]

Damn.

[XD]

Yeah.

[Francesca]

What? Like big ones are just like. But either way, it's still something going on.

[XD]

Four and above.

[Dustin Ross]

Right.

[XD]

And so, you know, since the fires, it's been like, you know, honest, steady, you know, like alertness. Right. Or high alert and everything. And to Jade's point, it's like a. This is the part of adulting I never really thought about, you know, because we're so desensitized in from media.

[Dustin Ross]

Right.

[XD]

Like, oh, I like. One of the worst, best movies ever is Volcano with Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Heche. And it's about this random volcano that burst through the La Brea Tarpon. It sounds ridiculous. However, right when I looked out my window and I saw the Hollywood Hills on fire, I was like, this could possibly be a thing.

[Jade]

In la. They had these ads a couple years ago. I'm. I don't know if it's when we went last friend or if I came to see you xd, but whatever the case is, it was these ads all over the place. I remember they were at the. What's the outdoor mall thing you all go to? Yeah, the Grove.

[XD]

The Grove.

[Jade]

So they had. And it was. It was LA splitting, right? It was splitting and dinosaurs were below.

[Dustin Ross]

So mad.

[Asante]

I am so mad. I know what you're talking about. I'm so pissed with you.

[Jade]

I'm obsessed with dinosaurs. So every time I was like, oh, what's that going to be? So I just wonder. Y' all do have a lot going on out There friend. And I'm just wondering, like, what's underneath? You know what I mean? Like, what's trying to escape?

[XD]

I keep telling you. I keep telling you, like, the ocean is right here. It's claiming. It's like it's claiming everything.

[Jade]

It's maxing.

[Francesca]

And you know this saying now that. And you saw. You saw the speculation that the. That we've been looking to the cosmos and the skies for the aliens, but they're actually in the water. Did you hear about that?

[Dustin Ross]

No.

[XD]

It makes the most sense.

[Dustin Ross]

We've been explaining the slimy.

[Jade]

That does make sense.

[Francesca]

It. I was like, oh, my world is turned upside down. Literally.

[Jade]

Why do you think there's a certain point where you just blow up in the ocean when you start going down?

[Francesca]

Like, right where you can. It's almost like a force field right where like, you can't go. And then also there's. You've seen those videos on, like, Twitter where it shows you the levels of the ocean. Like if you go here.

[XD]

Mariana Trench and stuff.

[Francesca]

Yes. And it shows you the names and like, what animals you might see. And then there's a part where they're like. And we. No one has recorded going beneath this part. And now I'm like, omg.

[Dustin Ross]

And I'm like Lake La Ne here.

[Jade]

I have been reading so much on which. That's another rabbit hole.

[XD]

That's spiritual.

[Dustin Ross]

All of the things that have like Lanier be like.

[XD]

No, that's a. You know.

[Asante]

Wow.

[Francesca]

Those watching are d. Jesus or Central Park.

[Jade]

Central park too.

[Asante]

Unfortunately. This is how k. What you mean Central Park?

[Jade]

Central park was built on. Over black.

[Dustin Ross]

Oh yeah. Black neighborhood. Seneca. Seneca something.

[Francesca]

You know, I just learned that like a couple of years ago. I had no. I never heard.

[Jade]

There's a whole all if you. There's a whole map all over the states of things. Black neighborhoods and. And black establishments.

[XD]

That's like the. The 110 here. Like that whole maze. When you go into downtown la, like a part of that was black neighborhood.

[Asante]

Why it feels right through it.

[XD]

Yeah. Most of L. A. S freeways were cut through Georgia.

[Jade]

All of the. Think about all those highway. When you're driving through Georgia. It feels haunted as fuck. It feels haunted.

[Francesca]

That is so. But anyways, I don't know if y' all have any other adulting tidbits because we do have. You know, when we were looking at our stats, you know, you get like your Spotify rap. We have teenagers that listen to us and not really.

[XD]

Y' all have a responsible podcast.

[Dustin Ross]

You kicking the truth to the young.

[Jade]

You don't come over here.

[Francesca]

And so I think of them and like the, you know, the tidbits that if you. I don't want to be that cliche person, like, what would you tell teenage you?

[Jade]

But also, like, don't buy those nasty white BB shoes. Yeah, that's what I, that's what I would tell me.

[Francesca]

And like, we, we've been saying there's a lot that, like, we don't even know until we know. Like, that's adulting for real. Like I, you know, who knew you were gonna have to write your uncle's obituary or your uncle's end of life care or, you know, it's like just.

[Jade]

Be happening, you know, honestly.

[Francesca]

And you gotta roll.

[Jade]

I think the best thing that we can do is continue to have these conversations because our parents and grandparents and all of them, they were having conversations, but they weren't having them to this degree.

[Asante]

But not with us.

[Jade]

Right. They weren't having them with us. They were having with each other, going the other way. There were no podcasts and there was no Internet. So, yeah, we share our.

[XD]

This is oral history.

[Jade]

This is oral history. Yeah. Especially since they trying to erase it.

[XD]

Anyway, the, the academics call. You know what I mean? How we pass down generation. Generationally. We hold space.

[Francesca]

I love it.

[Asante]

Yes.

[Dustin Ross]

Hold space for defying grace.

[Asante]

I think life is exciting, exciting and fresh when you're young. And then sometimes you run into those roadblocks that teach you. Maybe this ain't as exciting or as fresh as I thought it'd be, but then you make it through those humps and you realize it can be exciting and fresh again. I feel like if you just remember that sometimes those bumps happen and if you can just get through them, you can get right back to the business of enjoying your life.

[Dustin Ross]

And once you kind of learn antibiotic.

[Jade]

Dustin's 50 and just did his first stand up show and it was amazing. Amazing.

[Dustin Ross]

Now you see that. You see that it's never too late.

[Francesca]

Never too late.

[Dustin Ross]

The light gets brighter.

[Asante]

There it is.

[Francesca]

No, but you know what I will say, I know the word community gets thrown around a lot and it has been popping up a lot this year, especially with like the fires and just the ways that people have been stepping up. But I will say I have learned. I'm. I'm someone that I have the toxic trait of thinking that I'm going to figure everything out on my own or feeling that I need to in order for it to be done properly. But what I'm learning Now in my older age is that life is actually a lot easier if you have community to help you move through these parts that are confusing, that are painful, that are. That you need answers to. And just even admitting, like, I'm in the middle of a shit show right now, like, even just saying that I think I've changed a lot. Whereas before I was a lot more private. Yeah. Like I'm g. Go through my. And I'mma just figure it out and then I'll tell you about it maybe years later. Whereas now I have found myself calling in real time and finding that that is actually great. Like, and not that you're going to be. You know, I think too, a lot of us fear burdening those around us with our grief or our problems. And it's like. But I have found that maybe the last like three or four things in my life that were big. Community really stepped up for me in a way that I think I have never allowed in before. And I noticed the difference in how I was able to move through the thing with community as opposed to move through the thing by myself. And it is a world. Yes. A world of a difference. So while we may not be able to give you. You specific tools for everything you're going to go through in life, what I will say is try not to think that you have to go through this by yourself in order to get it done and be over it. I get it. Some of us might not have good community or community at all. And that's not going to be accessible for everyone. But just consider the people around you in some capacity because you'd be surprised at the people that will be there, there.

[Dustin Ross]

And you know what else further to your point, that doesn't just mean calling on somebody in times of Christ crisis. You know what I'm saying? That means building relationships with people.

[Asante]

Yes.

[Jade]

Also, period.

[Dustin Ross]

It don't mean telling all your business all that.

[Francesca]

No, not at all.

[Dustin Ross]

It means just being vulnerable and open enough to even let a. And then determine the level of trust that exists between the two of you. Because sometimes you don't even want to take the risk. And I think what you're saying is just be open to connections like that where you can build true community, you know, trustworthy people, safe community.

[Jade]

Yeah, very much so.

[Dustin Ross]

I was. I was very nervous to be friends with Jay. That's very nervous, you know what I'm saying? To take her in like that off the street. But she literally just, you know, became one of my best friends.

[Asante]

Wow.

[Jade]

Meanwhile, I have faith your black ass for year upon year.

[Dustin Ross]

Except for that time you tried to kill me. So don't nobody.

[Jade]

Your Michigan taste buds are not my problem. Build up a tolerance for spicy chicken. I jerked it.

[Dustin Ross]

I had to eat ice.

[Jade]

He did.

[Asante]

Oh, that jerk chicken was good.

[Francesca]

What was it? Jerk chicken.

[Jade]

And I made curry chicken.

[Dustin Ross]

It was, it was from hell. It was literally from hell. She gonna give me the hottest piece in the thing. I have never to this day. I've never eaten anything that spicy in my life. How did you enjoy that?

[Jade]

We all did.

[Dustin Ross]

The rest of it was good. It just felt like I was literally eating lit mad chocolates.

[Asante]

I'm. I'm used to spicy ass food, especially when it comes to the island flavor.

[Dustin Ross]

Like one of them circus fire.

[Asante]

Love me a little scotch bonnet, you know what I'm saying?

[Francesca]

But Jade XD thank you guys so much for playing, coming to play with us today. We love y'. All. Y' all are hands down the funniest people on earth. So it's always a joy and it's cool to be able to tackle, you know, semi serious shit but with the comedic twist. Y' all are always, that's our specialty.

[Asante]

To be vulnerable and laugh with you too.

[Francesca]

Yeah, yeah. And still, still be vulnerable and open and not be deflective but also just like, you know, be with the. So I love y'. All. Thank y'. All. I hope it was helpful to someone and of course we'd love. Yeah, we'd love to read the listeners comments of maybe some things that you have been facing as an adult that are unique or like xds or just that we face that we just are figuring out as we go. We love you guys so much. Much. Thank you for listening and we will catch you guys next week.

[Asante]

Stay black and protect your magic.

[Francesca]

Bye guys.

[Dustin Ross]

That's what you are.

[Francesca]

This is.

[Dustin Ross]

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