The Friend Zone: "The Midnight Library"

Loud Speakers Network | November 19, 2025 | Hosts: Dustin Ross, Hey Fran Hey (Francesca), Asante

Episode Overview

This episode centers on the concept of alternate lives, inspired by the novel "The Midnight Library" by Matt Haig—a recent Friend Zone book club (Situation series) pick. The hosts dive deep into the choices and circumstances that shaped their lives, contemplating "what-ifs" and exploring how different decisions might have led them down radically different paths. The discussion is rich with personal anecdotes, vulnerability, and humor, as the hosts draw parallels between the book’s themes and their lived experiences. Listeners are invited to reflect on their own alternate lives, and the conversation is peppered with thoughtful recaps, listener feedback, music, and TV picks.

Highlights & Segment Timestamps

1. Viral Moments & Pop Culture Skewering (01:01–08:20)

• Discussion of the Ariana Grande Premiere Incident:
  • Dustin dives into the recent incident at the Singapore premiere of "Wicked" where fan Johnson Wynn assaulted Ariana Grande.
    • Cynthia Erivo intervened protectively.
    • Johnson is a self-proclaimed troll with prior stunts (e.g., rushing Katy Perry, The Weeknd).
    • He received a 9-day jail sentence for being a public nuisance.
  • The hosts critique celebrity access entitlement and debate appropriate consequences.
  • Memorable exchange on boundaries:
    • Dustin (06:10): “Motherfuckers really have to start creating a boundary between their thoughts and what the real world is, right?”

2. Hosts’ Life Updates: Community, Routines & Food (08:24–18:35)

• Personal Check-ins: Colorful wardrobe banter, weekend recaps, Dustin prepping for comedy shows (09:44), Fran “strict parenting” her own mental health (11:41).
• Portland Korean Food Recommendation: Fran enthusiastically recommends Jeju, praising their ramen essence fried chicken and chopped cheese bao buns. She connects with Marquis, a friendly staff member from South Carolina (13:19).
• Credit Card “Hacks” and Restaurant Perks: Fran's Chase Sapphire Reserve covers her meal (16:40), sparking a quick masterclass on optimizing credit card rewards.

3. Announcements, Recaps & Listener Feedback (20:17–47:19)

• Patreon News: Upcoming Friend Zone live event (21:24), holiday break announcement.
• Panel Feature: Dustin features on Revolt’s The People’s Brief for a discussion on Black masculinity (22:31).
• Black Business Spotlight: Shout out to “Crystal’s Couch” podcast by Crystal (25:28).
• Listener Recaps & Societal Tech Trends:
  • Audience reactions to AI, home robots, digital privacy, and de-digitalization.
  • Nostalgia for cursive handwriting and handwriting’s connection to retention (36:07).
• Homeownership Debate: Mixed emotions from listeners—many bought homes during the pandemic at low rates, weighing the emotional and financial complexities of ownership vs. renting (45:05, email from Nicole at 49:01).
  • Dustin: “You don’t put goodness into the universe and never see a return on it in some way.” (47:19)

4. Main Topic: The Midnight Library & Alternate Lives Discussion (61:07–121:48)

Introduction to "The Midnight Library" (Fran, 61:07)

• Recaps the book and its premise: Nora Seed is suspended between life and death, exploring infinite alternate lives shaped by different choices, and grappling with regret, possibility, and what makes life worth living.

Personal "Midnight Library" Moments

• Asante (66:22):

  • Wondered “what if” he’d stuck with playing cello and orchestra as a kid. Imagines living as a touring classical musician, very different from his current lifestyle.
  • Reflects on how alternate versions of himself—nerd, techie, scientist—still contain the same essence, just colored by different experiences.

• Dustin (67:18):

  • Regrets not coming out earlier: “I would have come out right as soon as I got my first gay erection.” (67:18)
  • Wishes he’d been freed from shame early; believes it set him back a decade in self-development.
  • Alternative paths: missing out on rap and boxing careers due to childhood circumstances.

• Francesca (70:33):

  • Ponders how her life would differ if her biological father had remained present, or if her mother hadn’t married someone who profoundly affected/fractured her trust in adults.
    • “Some people take up so much of your life… it just took up so much of my mind.” (73:43)
  • Considers her calm nature versus her parents’ emotional volatility, and possible implications for her wiring if things had been different.

• Collective Insights:

  • All acknowledge they like who they are now but see how alternate pasts might have led to entirely different skill sets, personalities, or even families.

Friendship and Social Circles

• Changing Schools, Changing Lives:
  • Both Fran and Asante discuss the “what-ifs” of remaining with childhood friend groups and the pain of being pulled out of familiar communities for “better” opportunities (83:03).
    • Fran: “I missed my fucking friends… I just got ripped away from all that I knew.” (84:41)
    • Fran’s mom’s perspective: “Girl, I ripped you from gang violence… not from a vocal performance.” (86:28)

Love, Family, and Parenthood

• Dustin: Reflects on what life might be like if he’d had children earlier and experienced fatherhood the “traditional” way (113:08).
• Fran: Wondered about having siblings; as an only child, she’s fascinated by the sibling dynamic and how it shapes a person (115:25).

Career & Creative Roads Not Taken

• Music Careers (Fran & Dustin):

  • Fran’s thwarted music path: battled controlling industry figures, had natural talent but “so many controlling people.” Considers whether the universe was saving her from something darker (104:59).
    • “No one ever said, ‘What’s the music you want to make?’… It just was hard.”
  • Dustin: Wished he’d pursued rap and boxing; believes he could have found acclaim and a platform for greater activism (89:03).

• Acting Dreams (Asante):

  • Regrets not sticking with a performing arts magnet; wonders if he’d have been an actor today, working with legends.

Memorable Quote

• Dustin, on queer childhood:
  “Why is it doing this for a boy, Mama?” (67:32)

Meta Reflection

• The hosts (Fran especially) note the power of parallel realities: "These are lives that are always in the back of my head...they are existing somewhere right now. That's why you’re thinking about them." (121:20)
• Listeners are invited to share their own “Midnight Library” moments.

5. Community Impact & Wellness (123:38)

• Listener Impact Stories:
  • Two heartfelt emails spotlight the ripple effect of the Friend Zone highlighting Black-led orgs, resulting in listeners becoming board members or enabling major organizational growth (125:25–129:42).
  • Dustin: “People can talk all this shit they want about going to church on Sunday…that is what God looks like to me.” (133:44)

6. Music Man & Songs Playlist Lately (137:41–156:44)

• Discussion of R&B women’s catalogues, album covers (Carrie Hilson, 140:34), and new releases (Summer Walker, Tweet, Jalen Josie & Xavier Omar, Tiana Major9, Sampha, Wale).
• Several tracks played as mood-lifters; playlist features both new and classic picks.
• Notable praise: “Summer Walker, she can make really, really classic, timeless sounding songs.” (161:12)

7. TV Land – What to Watch (163:49–183:57)

• Reality TV:
  • “Baddies USA Chapter 1” returns to form; Dustin gleefully recaps an explosive brawl and ongoing drama (165:52).
  • Dustin recommends watching “All Her Fault” on Peacock (167:39), lauding Dakota Fanning and a supporting cast’s performances.
• Other Recs:
  • “A Different World” reboot announcement excites the crew (173:17), with a new cohort of Black talent and Debbie Allen directing.
  • Shout to Debbie Allen’s honorary Oscar, plus buzz from BravoCon: new RHOA cast members, major drama recapped from Bravo panels.
  • Fran plugs new Eddie Murphy doc on Netflix (183:33).

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Boundaries and Celebrity Culture:
  • Dustin: “People have to start creating a boundary between their thoughts and what the real world is, right?” (06:10)
• On Regret & Coming Out:
  • “I should have just released myself from shame and all the things that really, honestly held me back for a long time.” (Dustin, 67:32)
• On Childhood Friendships Lost:
  • Fran: “I missed the friends that we were figuring out life with… all of a sudden, I got thrown into a world that did not feel right for me.” (84:41)
• On Parenting and Sibling Dynamics:
  • Dustin: "I would have liked to have experienced that in my lifetime... Damn, wow. My kids running and playing. I just wonder what that would have felt like.” (115:25)
• Listener Impact Email:
  • “You didn’t just amplify us, you helped position us to save more lives…That episode dropped on the exact same day that our tour launched…the kind of timing you can’t plan nor explain.” (Listener Kenesha, 126:06)

Takeaways

• Personal Choices Shape Us—But Every Life Contains Its Blessings & Struggles

  • The hosts recognize that while “what ifs” are natural, each path—no matter how imperfect—produces beauty and resilience.
  • Alternate realities both haunt and comfort us, but actual self-acceptance and gratitude are at the core of mental wealth.

• Community Power & Representation Matter

  • Highlighting Black- and LGBTQ-led organizations can create serious, measurable change.
  • Diverse representation (in media, leadership, and the arts) shapes possibilities for generations.

• Don’t Sleep on Your Playlist

  • R&B still reigns, and the legacy of women in the genre needs ongoing celebration.

Next Week's Prompt:
Fran invites listeners to share their own “Midnight Library” alternate realities:
"What are some alternate lives you have thought about? Something you daydream about or were almost living—until something or someone changed your course?"

For more:

• Join the Patreon for live events, book club, and the Situation series.
• Support featured Black businesses: Ifly Youth (iflyouth.org) and Black Girls Can, Inc.

Stay Black and protect your magic!