Loading summary
Transcript8 lines
- [00:00]
Chris Do
Hey, everybody. Chris here, we're trying something a little bit different than what we normally do for the podcast. We're doing solo episodes. These are shorter, more contained, built around certain themes and questions I think are very relevant for us to be talking about. So wherever you're listening to this, however you're seeing this, let us know in the comments and the feedback what you think, and we'll make some adjustments. Okay, before we jump into this episode, I want you to listen to the previous episode, if you haven't, when I talk about clickbaity content. Because today we're going to talk about the exact opposite, which is how to show up authentically as yourself. There's this word, it's called authentic or authenticity, that gets thrown around a lot on social media. And I think everyone thinks they're way more authentic than they really are. And I've been thinking about this topic for a little bit here, and I have some thoughts on it. Number one is what does it really mean to be authentic? And the best way I could describe this is, who are you when no one's watching? Like, in every essence, like, what are you eating? What do you look like? What does your home look like? What do you look like? How do you speak? And then we all, in some way, to be accepted in society, show up slightly different. There's this thing that I think most people would describe as a Persona where we've learned through socialization that we need to act and behave a specific way to be accepted in society. And the difference between who you are when no one's watching and how you show up, that gap is how inauthentic you are. That's my belief. And so I'm guilty of this myself. Everyone is. Because when I'm at home, I don't got all my jewelry on. I'm not with my cap on. I'm just greasy and dirty looking because I'm comfortable. And if you ever saw me from the waist down when we're doing a normal shoot, it'd be sweatpants, joggers, because I'm comfortable in that and I want mobility, right? And that's who I am authentically, when no one's watching. But maybe there is some kind of social decorum that we need to show up so that we can be accepted. Like, I'll shower, I'll brush my teeth, I will wash my face and be presentable. And for me, as a public person, I need to be sure that I look and behave a specific way that's consistent with how I see myself and how Others see me because the last thing I want people to do is to bump into me somewhere. I'm like, oh, yeah, kind of a scrub today, huh? What's going on there? Christo, what is up with the Drip game? Not today. And it's hilarious because in LA and Pasadena, more specifically, when I go out, like at a Trader Joe's, I'll run into two people who know me before I even walk into the Trader Joe's. So I told my wife, I cannot have bad days. I cannot have days where I'm grumpy, I'm agitated, because going out there and if that's the one moment in which somebody actually comes in contact with me, it's going to be a problem. Now, recently I was in Toronto and I just finished doing a talk and I was exhausted and it was a very rushed trip. I was in one night and flying out the next day. I was trying to make my way through the crowd just to answer as many questions as possible. And the gentleman came up to me. He goes, chris, I'm a really big fan. Great. And then he goes on to tell me a very long story. And I'm already getting agitated because you know me. Get to the question. I don't need to know your whole life story, friend. And eventually I'm like, you got a question? He goes, yes, yes. And he goes on with this story. So now I'm like, at DEFCON 4, I think there's only one more DEFCON. And I'm like, can you just ask your question? He finally asked the question. And the question is the one of the most basic questions that I've answered a thousand times. Because, Chris, you know, I can't charge a lot of money. And I can't remember what he said. I said, you say you're a fan and you're watching the content. I just literally got off stage and told you how to sell for more money. Is anything getting through your ears? And I'm starting to get agitated. And Drico's there with this camera. I'm like, oh, no. I think this is going to be one of those episodes where it's not going to turn out well for one of us. And so eventually I'm like, I've lost it. I'm like, hey, I'm going to lose my cool. I think we just need to move on. And he seemed to be okay with it. But then I think later on, I saw on a YouTube channel, it's like, be careful of your heroes when you meet them, they're not who they say. They are. And. And Chris is a jerk. And I guess in that one interaction, I was a jerk. I was a jerk. And I chose to be a jerk in that moment because I'm like, I can't believe you. You cannot come up to me and tell me you're a fan and basically say, I've ignored every piece of content you've ever put out. I've not listened. I've tuned you out on stage. And then I'm going to ask you this basic question that I know you have such a strong opinion about, but I still need to ask it to me. I guess I needed to grow in patience in that moment, but I didn't. I responded in a very specific way. I was being authentic and true to my true angry self. I was like, enough of this friend. But in that moment I regretted it because later on I was like, man, that sucks. Because if he was really my biggest fan, I just created a really bad impression, a bad taste in his mouth, and I prefer not to do that. So let's get back into this idea of authenticity and what does it mean? Because we're always struggling with this concept. I wish I could remember her name right now, but she's the co founder of Maven and I was talking to her about personal branding and she goes, you know what's what our job is? Our job is to be the meest me I can be. That's job number one. Or to be the youest you you can be. And I want you to think about that. Because all of us are trying to strip away all the idiosyncratic things about us, the things that make us weird and different, and to kind of scrub ourselves of that, to show up as the way we think people want us to be. I think one of the most fascinating things right now with the way that social media is going is it's giving all of us relatively equal access to our audience and it's allowing for a lot of diverse voices, people of all different shapes, sizes and preferences to be able to be themselves. And you notice something, the people who cut through the noise are the people who are different. The people who might have no hair or lots of hair, great eyebrows or no eyebrows at all, who have a deep voice or a high pitched voice, and they just learn to embrace this. And I think it's a gift when we see someone where we stand back and it's like, gosh, they're very charismatic. There's something about them that is so attractive. What is it that compels us to be them? My theory is this is number one. We get a sense that they're so comfortable in their own skin that they've moved beyond caring about what you think about them. And there's something that's so alluring about people that are like that, that achieved a level of self awareness, self acceptance and self confidence that we want to scrape some of that magic dust off them so that we can inhale it and become more accepting of ourselves. And it's very powerful. Now the opposite is what we usually attribute to people who are very charismatic. We think of the loud, extroverted people who walk into the room and suck all the oxygen in the room and it seems like they ask everyone to turn off the lights and just put one spotlight on them, that we think those are the people that are most attractive because everybody's looking at them. I generally find those people exhausting. There are other words I can use, but I'll just stay with a safe word. I just find them to be exhausting. The ones who I'm drawn to create space for others, they're filled in such a way that they don't need more people to fill them up. And so they're quiet, they're asking questions and they wind up being to me, the most interesting people.
- [07:29]
Rich Cardona
Hey guys, it's rich here and I wanted to ask you what is something that works so well that it's basically magic? Air conditioning, noise canceling headphones. What about selling with Shopify? Shopify is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business from the launcher online shop stage to the first real life store stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million order stage. Shopify is going to be there to help you grow. Whether you're selling, shipping, supplies or promoting productivity programs, they're going to be there to help you sell everywhere. Shopify powers 10% of all E commerce in the US and Shopify is the global force behind Allbirds, Rothy's and Brooklinen and millions of other entrepreneurs of every size across. Listen to this. 175 countries plus. Shopify's award winning help is there to support your success every step of the way. Because businesses that grow grow with Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period@shopify.com future.
- [08:33]
Chris Do
So if you're struggling to figure out how you can find your authentic self, check in. The first part is about self awareness. Make a list of who you think you are and some clues were planted a long time ago. Those seeds were planted like when you're five years old and you're into comic books or skateboarding. I'm speaking about myself, of course, here. And into video games. And you were awkward around girls. And you, you weren't accepted socially in circles that your friends and your enemies and you start to see who you are. And if you can remember who you are and tap into that, I think that's a powerful place to reemerge as your true self, to get in an alignment and connection with your true, authentic self.
- [09:11]
Adam Sanborn
It's time for a quick break, but we'll be right back.
- [09:23]
Chris Do
Enjoying the conversation you're listening to right now. You're going to love what we have for you inside the Future Pro membership. From live group calls with myself and vetted guest experts to over 600 hours of pro exclusive trainings and monthly networking, you'll have everything you need to fast track your growth. Check it out@future.com pro.
- [09:45]
Adam Sanborn
And we're back. Welcome back to our conversation.
- [09:49]
Chris Do
You know, on a different conversation I was having with my buddy Omar, he was asking me like, what's the best thing I can do if I want to develop my personal brand? And I think I said something that got a lot of people to sit up. And I said, I go to therapy. And that's an unusual answer because you think, oh, learn this framework or work on something external. But really, if we're talking about self awareness and self acceptance, who else better to have this conversation with, which is a trained professional to help you unlock what it is that's in your mind? So all of us walk around having certain thoughts, assumptions and beliefs that we never even check. So what I get to do as a coach is when somebody says, oh, I'm not making enough progress in my business, I get to ask them, well, what is enough progress? And what evidence do you have that this is where you're supposed to be given your amount of experience or your talent? A lot of times that'll just stop them right there. And what I've done is I've asked them a question that allows them to reframe their situation instead of beating themselves up over the fact that they're not as accomplished or as successful as they thought they should be based on nothing. Maybe an old story that they told themselves from a parent that wanted them to be an overachiever. A therapist can do that for you. A therapist can look at how you're thinking about things and just ask, where does that thought come from? Where do we learn this from? And how far back can we trace that idea when it was Inception in your brain, that that's normal. And we can start to unpack that. And it's really wild because it's like the craziest adventure you've ever been on, that you and your therapist, a guided professional or a professional can guide you through this, can travel back in time and look at your younger self as you describe yourself, looking from the third person, that's pretty powerful. And if you're thinking that sounds a little crazy or maybe that sounds a lot like meditation, because that's what meditation is. It's to be able to witness yourself from a neutral observer point of view so you can travel back in time, look at that moment and start to understand. Like, gosh, I run around with this belief 20, 30, 40 years later. And it was a dumb incident that someone who didn't have enough patience, education, or just meant well, but just didn't deliver on it put an idea in my brain that I still carry along today. And I repeat it over and over to myself so I'll share something personal here. Many years ago, I went to see my therapist. Her name is Joan Lightfoot, Amazing person, no longer working. And I asked her, I struggle with conflict. I'm conflict averse. And I am sometimes, like, not happy with myself because I've become passive aggressive. So she asked me to explain myself. What do I mean? I said, well, some people who know me well, who are working for me, know that I don't want conflict in my life. So when they want something that they know I won't approve, they'll just go ahead with it and see that I won't do anything about it. And this is wild because, you know, you're like, who would do that? Well, people who don't want to work for me for very long. So I've had people in my company when they know, like, I didn't want to participate in a certain program, I didn't want to spend money against it, and it wasn't good use of our resources. They knew that. They went ahead and booked it anyways and said, hey, I just booked that thing. Let me know if you want me to cancel it. So now they went against my wishes. It wasn't like something that was unclear. And I said, well, if you've already spent the money, it's fine, but you know what? Don't do that again. Talk to me before you do these things. But you know what happens inside of me? Resentment builds because I don't know how to talk to this person. And I don't want to get into a Fight. We've all been there. And you could say, like, I don't run a company. You might be dating someone. You might have a parent who's like, do this. And you don't say anything. Because we don't really want to get into a fight with everybody that's in our lives. But what I was doing was there was a well of resentment that was building up and it was going to explode. And eventually it does, because we can only take so much. So eventually I helped the person find another job outside of our company. And this happens over and over. And I. I become aware of this, and I think, something is wrong. Why don't I just say it? So I'm talking to Joan, and Joan says, based on your family history, because she was a family therapist, I'm the middle child of an immigrant family. And she goes, you're a caretaker. I'm like, I am not a caretaker. What are you talking about? In the house, in the company, I'm king. I come home, everything's done for me. Everybody's like, be quiet. Dad's sleeping, Dad's resting. Dad needs to do this. That's the way it is around the house. I said, there's no way I can be a caretaker. Joan. She goes, well, let me ask you a couple of questions. She's like, when you're a kid who mowed the lawn, like, me, and who helped your parents out with, like, cleaning the house? Me. Who would help mom or dad with laundry? Me. I'm like, oh, my God, you're right. What was I doing? Joan? She goes, middle child syndrome. Middle child syndrome. That's what middle children do. They have to do something to feel like they're seen. They prove themselves to others so that they can feel accepted. And I didn't know this is what I was doing. So what? Joan helped me realize that those patterns of behavior that exhibit as a child carried on into adulthood. And now what I was doing was I was looking after the emotional welfare, well, being of others before myself. This happened in all kinds of relationships. Because there's this expression, and I really believe in this expression, which is how you do one thing is how you do everything. So you might think, no, it's isolated. It was just with this coworker or this employee of mine that I did this. No, because when I went to the restaurant and I ordered something and they made it wrong, I would just eat it because I don't want to create a fuss. I don't want to create any kind of hassle for anybody. I don't want to be so self important. So once I became aware of this, which is a powerful thing, once you become aware of where your patterns of behavior come from, you now have a choice. Every time you exhibit this reaction or emotion, you ask yourself, is this truly who I am or am I repeating sins of the past? So I make small practice. I take small steps. Right when I'm at a restaurant and the food comes back super salty, I will actually just raise my hand and say, you know, I'm so sorry, I don't want to be in pain, but this is way over season. It's like it's almost all salt here. Is it possible that there's another dish that you can make that is not as salty? And I'll just do that. And so that feels okay for me to say, I don't want to say in an entitled, bratty way that a lot of people in LA are usually doing. I try to say with kindness. And it teaches me something. It teaches me like, you know what, it's okay for me to take care of myself. And so I'm still working on this. It's a work in progress because there are still situations where it feels like I'm creating trouble for other people, but I'm not taking care of myself. And those are the kinds of things that therapy can do for you. You can go and revisit your past, understand how certain decisions were made, and you can realize the foolishness of that moment that has now been hard encoded within your operating system, that you continue to repeat that, that cycle over and over again. So I don't know if you're paying attention. None of what I said was about when to post, how often. Jump cuts, transition, smash cuts titles, caption software, AI related. It was not about that. No fonts, no colors, no lighting setup, no three camera, nothing. It was really about this journey that we all should be on, which is a journey of self discovery. Who am I? What makes me me? And many of us will go to our grave, like in our deathbed, quite literally asking this question, like, who am I? What has my life meant? And still not know the answer to that. I think you have to be in a certain season in your life, I'm not saying an age, but a certain season in your life where most of what you thought you wanted you were either able to achieve or realize it's no longer important to you so that you're in a more reflective state. And many of you guys know this. I'm 52 years old. Of course I'm thinking about these things as I'm way closer to death than I am to life, and every day I want to think about who I am and who I want to be. So those of you that are very young, because I know there's some young people listening to this or watching this, is start that journey now. Don't wait until you're in your mid-40s to say, like, who am I? And I think this generation specifically is so much more in tune with their own thoughts and beliefs because they're raised in such a way that they have access to so much information that they're having these conversations right now. If you're listening to this on a podcast, feel free to send me a DM wherever you're on social and let me know what your thoughts are. And I'd love to have a conversation with you.
- [18:13]
Adam Sanborn
Thanks for joining us. If you haven't already, subscribe to our show on your favorite podcasting app and get new insightful episodes from us every week. The Future Podcast is hosted by Chris do and produced and edited by Rich Cardona Media. Thank you to Adam Sanborn for our intro music. If you enjoyed this episode, then do us a favor by reviewing and rating our show on Apple Podcasts. It will help us grow the show and make future episodes that much better. If you'd like to support the show and invest in yourself while you're at it, visit the Future and you'll find video courses, digital products, and a bunch of helpful resources about design and the creative business. Thanks again for listening and we'll see you next time.