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- [00:00]
Acura Voiceover
Acura's all new adx. A compact SUV that isn't just built for one thing. It's precision crafted for everything. To escape the grind. With available all wheel drive to go with your flow. With available Google built in.
- [00:11]
Google Assistant
Hey, Google, turn it up.
- [00:12]
Acura Voiceover
Okay.
- [00:13]
Google Assistant
Turning up the volume.
- [00:14]
Acura Voiceover
And crafted to be heard. With an available Bang Olufsen premium sound system. The all new Acura adx. Crafted to match your energy. Acura precision crafted performance. Google is a trademark of Google llc.
- [00:31]
Gwyneth Paltrow
Travel has always been such a big part of my life, and in a way, it's really what inspired me to start goop. I love discovering new places, new experiences, and finding those really special stays that make a trip even more memorable. Hosting on Airbnb is a great way to make the most of your time away. It's a wonderful option if you have extra space, own a seasonal home, or tend to travel at the same time every year. Hosting is incredibly flexible. You set the dates, welcome guests on your terms, and create memorable stays that reflect the warmth and uniqueness you seek in your own travels. If you've ever thought about hosting, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com hosting when you.
- [01:24]
Google Assistant
Are pioneering anything or introducing new ideas to the culture, you get criticized.
- [01:30]
Gwyneth Paltrow
You do.
- [01:30]
Google Assistant
Yeah, did you hear about that? I didn't find the one. I found someone I respected and we made it the one. In the sort of longing kind of view of love, people understand each other as if by magic. Nothing in itself is addictive on the one hand. On the other hand, everything could be addictive if there's an emptiness in that person that needs to be filled. I now know that nobody changes until they change their energy. And when you change your energy, you change your life.
- [01:59]
Gwyneth Paltrow
I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. This is the GOOP Podcast, bringing together thought leaders, culture changers, creatives, founders and CEOs, scientists, doctors, healers and seekers here to start conversations. Because simply asking questions and listening has the power to change the way we see the world. Here we go. Welcome back to the GOOP Podcast. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow, and today I'm excited to welcome my childhood friend. We've been friends since kindergarten and her name is Abby Schiller. Abby is a renowned goal coach. She's an author and a speaker who's helped thousands of people transform their lives through her unique approach to lasting change. Abby helps people clarify their vision. She helps them navigate transitions and develop the tools they need to achieve meaningful success. So today, she's here to share her five step process for creating a life you truly like.
- [03:03]
Google Assistant
Hi everyone. Welcome. Let's talk about creating a life you like. I'm Abby Schiller, goal coach, author and speaker and I've been invited to talk with you today to share some of my expertise in the art of creating a life you like. My intent here is to introduce you to the five steps that you need to create change in your life and offer you a few tools, thoughts and prompts to inspire you to take the tiniest step towards your next iteration. This time of year is great for reflection, at least for me. I have always felt compelled to take inventory of what is working and what isn't in my life at this time. For anyone doing that work, it takes openness and courage because when we realize what isn't working, we are then faced with with the idea of making change, which can be scary. Most people don't know how to navigate change. We assume that we should figure it all out on our own. Or maybe just put your mind to it and just get it done. Or take consistent action and maybe. But it's rare that those thoughts alone create lasting change. If they did, the exercise and diet and dating industry would be out of business. Motivation is in short supply, so we can't really outsmart our brains in doing something we don't like doing for too long. And once we give up or quit, we have a really wonky relationship with failure, which makes attempting things really unnecessarily painful. We also struggle to know what to change. So many people come to me who are just generally overwhelmed, like they don't have enough time and they have too much to do in it. And also they're feeling underwhelmed. They get to a point in their lives and they wonder, is this all there is? But they don't know how to change it. They feel frustrated or confused and on the verge of hopelessness. And then I help them through these steps. I believe that creating a vision for your life and then implementing it is the answer to creating a life you like. The vision starts with setting some goals and people have lots of thoughts about goals. Whenever I talk about goals, I remind people that goals can look wildly different for everyone. Some people set big G juicy goals. Maybe they want to write a book or change careers, win an award, get out of a long term relationship, run a marathon. Who knows? And others might prefer quieter, more subtle goals like let go of judgment and mean self talk, learn radical acceptance, practice boundaries, embrace stillness, seek joy, or maybe just clean out the junk drawer, organize the closet, update the resume. And of course, there's everything in between. Whatever change you might be wanting, and especially if you've given up on goals because of past attempts that didn't work out, I want to help provide you with some guidance around how to do this successfully so that you actually create the life you want. The good news, as I mentioned, is that there are only five steps to creating a life you like, and I'm going to take you through them today. The first step is to decide what you want. Humans make about 33,000 decisions a day about absolutely everything. What we say or don't say, how we move, what we eat, where we go, when we go to bed. Our decisions are responses to thoughts or physical cues, and most of them are on autopilot. But in order to live with intention, we need to become more aware of what we want and don't want for our days. What does a life you like even look like? So before we decide what we want, we need to explore what we want. Most people cannot answer the question, what do you want? What do you want? Not what do your parents, friends, partners, co workers want for you? Or what does the culture want you to be like? Not what you think you should want, but deeper, deeper. What do you want with this one short life we are given? What do you want to do with your time, with your abilities? What is possible for you? We've lost touch with what we want for so many reasons. Many of us have been taught to put others needs first. That selflessness and ignoring our own needs has been seen as goodness. Perhaps we're in the habit of putting our needs on the backseat and have lost touch with them. We also get into our routine and rhythms of life that sometimes take us away from living with the direction or intention we might have once had. There are systemic issues around how we live that make it hard to honor our needs. Lack of childcare resources, health care, uneven domestic responsibilities, racism, misogynism. I could go on. These structures contribute to us living versions of our lives we don't like. Perhaps we are worried about the optics of our life versus our true desires. What will other people think if we leave our career or relationship or hometown or life that we've created to become the fly fisher in Idaho. But I firmly believe we still owe it to ourselves to look at our lives and be honest about what we want? And then we can tackle our thoughts about pursuing what we want. But if we can't be honest with ourselves about what we want, we will never even attempt It. So first we answer this one question. What do you want? And it's such an important question. I would argue that the world, especially right now, needs you to answer this question and become the most functional, most beautiful, truthful version of what is possible. What do you want now? I hear you. If you're thinking, yeah, but who has time, who has the energy, money, resources, abilities to just think with my head in the clouds. And I get it. We all lead business lives. And yet if you aren't living a life you like, all that busyness doesn't matter. It is my job as a goal coach to remind you that if you don't at least take a few minutes to think about what you want, you will never get it. So that is the first step. Allow yourself to think about it. See how that feels. Answer the question of what do you want? Then write it all down. Give voice to your wants. Listen. Honor your desire. Especially, especially if you've tamped it down or ignored it for years. Then once you have it all out on paper, I want to give you a belief to practice when you look at it. And that belief is everything is solvable. Everything is solvable. This belief has shaped my life and many others. It is a beautiful belief and I think it is true. Everything is solvable helps you shift into a solution mindset. Because now you can look at your list and wonder, what are all the ways I can solve for these wants? Looking at a list of your wants can be intimidating. So this work is for the brave. So with the belief that everything is solvable, I want you then to decide from that list what you actually want for your life. Probably not everything on that list should be decided to pursue. Consider what you'd give up or what you'd get with each decision. When you decide though, and that is an important step, you plant your intention in the ground and it shifts you. Deciding is the required first step that propels you into a different direction and ultimately into a different life. My whole life changed with one decision. In 2014, I had what I call a gut punch of a year. We had moved in with my parents to help take care of my dad whose health was in decline. I had two little kids. I was running a new children's media company that I had started a few years ago earlier. And then my mother in law died, which set off a number of really hard circumstances. It was one of those years where I just felt like I completely lost control of my life and it felt relentless. It was just absolutely one thing after the other and it was too much. And I looked around and knew that I didn't want any of the things that had been thrown at me. And so I decided right then and there to make a change. But since I didn't know how to make the change, I just took one first tiny, small action of googling how to change your life. And that one tiny, tiny little action led me to learn about how to change, how to change habits. It led me to learn about coaching, behavior, manifesting the importance of mindset, human potential, all of it. But that first step was tiny. And I just kept taking more tiny action. First of learning, then of planning, then doing, and my entire life changed. I would not be here talking with you today had it not been for that tiny action of light during a season of darkness. That one small decision not only changed my life, but all the lives of the people who have worked with me and their families too, and so on. Never underestimate the power of a decision. But a decision alone will not get you there. The next thing I did is step two in creating a life that you like. And that is you need to make a plan. A goal without a plan is just a wish, said Antoine de Saint Exubery. For all those beautiful ideas, wishes and wants that you've decided on, you owe it to yourself to make a plan. How do you want these wishes to take shape? When do you want them to happen? How do you want them to get started? This is where you start to break down your wish into steps. There is a difference between wanting and deciding. And there is a difference between deciding and making a plan to actually do it. And our brains will get confused or overwhelmed or scared or touchy. But putting a plan together is also deeply gratifying. It is full of hope and possibility. If we don't want to stay dreamers and we want to become doers, we must make a plan. And there's two crucial points here. The first is you don't need to know every detail of the plan. You only need to know the next one or two steps. So if you can break big things into little tiny steps, your brain will feel less overwhelmed. If you want to make a million dollars, first answer what are you going to do to make the next 2000? What are all the ways you could do that?
- [13:37]
Acura Voiceover
Acura's all new adx, a compact SUV that isn't just built for one thing. It's precision crafted for everything to escape the grind. With available all wheel drive to go with your flow. With available Google built in.
- [13:48]
Google Assistant
Hey Goog, turn it up.
- [13:49]
Acura Voiceover
Okay. Turning up the volume and crafted to be heard with an available Bang and Olufsen Premium sound system. The all new Acura adx crafted to match your energy. Acura Precision Crafted Performance. Google is a trademark of Google llc.
- [14:10]
Google Assistant
The second point is I want you to anticipate and normalize all of the obstacles that are standing between you and that goal. And I want you to plan for them. Know that you're going to want to give up, know that you're going to get bored and want to move on to something new and sparkly. When things get hard, know that your brain will tell you this is a terrible first attempt or a terrible second attempt or you're just not getting it and you don't know what you're doing. And then normalize that. Plan for that. What can you do when your brain starts chattering? So another example if you want to develop an exercise habit, which many people do at this time of year, is ask yourself what kind of exercise? When would I do it? How will I do it? Alone in a class? Walking a dog with a friend? What time of day? Start to visualize and anticipate the obstacles for it. The weather, the challenges, the brain not wanting to do it. Each question that you can answer and each obstacle that you can anticipate will help you get closer to the success of it. So maybe it's cold outside, maybe the only time you have is 5am Maybe your brain just doesn't want to. You're going to develop a plan and then a plan B for each obstacle. So for instance, maybe if you miss your morning walk, you can do 10 minutes of Pilates inside on your app before bedtime. But ask yourself, what is the next best step to take? How can you break that step down even smaller? What are all the steps you can anticipate and plan for the obstacles? After I decided to change my life and spent weeks researching how to I called a friend to come with me to spend one day away from our families to put together a plan. We met at a hotel and spent 24 hours doing a day long process of guided brainstormings, meditations, intention settings and integrations. And when we were done, we had planned out the whole year that became my plan, my roadmap of recovery. And within six weeks of implementing that plan, my life fully started changing. It was so incredible. Year after year I honed the plan and year after year things got better and better and finally friends started taking notice and asked me how I was doing all of these things. And so I started teaching them and Then their friends. And that is how my practice grew into what it is today, where thousands of people have been helped by my visioning program. Ten years later, I still do this practice for myself every January because it feels amazing to have a plan for the year. So take your goals and make a plan. And don't just make a plan for one area of your life, but your whole life. I like to use five different categories, but you decide what you need. Having a plan for your year and writing it down makes you 42% more likely that it will happen. And that makes sense, right when we want to take a trip anywhere, we program the destination into gps. But we aren't taught to program our life's destination into our own mental gps. And this is your invitation to do just that. The plan is your basic outline of how to get from here to there. And if you can make it, include setbacks, failures, and obstacles, and your plan will be even stronger. We assign so much drama to the very normal experience of failing. Let's just knock it off. No one succeeds without failed attempts. I've decided to think of failing as proof that I'm taking action towards what I want. But our brains tend to go a little nuts, and we've been taught that failure is bad. So this leads me to our third step in creating a life that you want. And I'd argue this is the most crucial step, and that is to manage your thoughts and feelings. What does it even mean to manage your thoughts and feelings? Well, a thought is simply a sentence in your brain. We have 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day. That's almost one every second. And those thoughts create our entire perception of the world, our whole experience. Everything, absolutely everything, filters through our thoughts. So managing your thoughts includes an ability to observe the sentence in your brain and bring an element of awareness to the ones that are shaping your life. Managing your thoughts means that you have a level of awareness and control as to what you think, that you are open to, questioning old beliefs, choosing new thoughts, letting go of unhelpful or unwanted thoughts, finding nuance, and so forth in an effort to reprogram your thinking. Managing your thoughts is an act of mental strength and awareness to elevate your life from one that functions on autopilot to one in which you become the driver. Our thoughts are the reason most people give up on their journey to successful goal achievement. Most of the obstacles standing in our way, between where we are and where we want to go, most obstacles are in our heads, and there are lots of reasons why. But the main Reason is that our body's biology, our brain's biology, has evolved to keep us safe and small. So those thought obstacles might sound like, can't do this. Who do you think you are? What are you even trying to do? You don't even know how to do that. This is stupid. You're stupid. This is hard. I don't even know how to do this. Or just I don't know is such a common one. Or maybe your brain is saying, you're unqualified. A loser. Not smart enough, not knowledgeable enough, not pretty enough, not good enough, not enough. Your brain will whisper or shout absolutely anything it can to get you to stop doing exactly what you want to be doing to stay in the small and familiar, even if that familiarity is causing you unhappiness. Typically, and I want you to hear this, we will not change until the pain of what could be is less than the pain of what is. We will not change until the pain of what could be. The unknown is less than the pain of the familiar of what is. So managing our thoughts is your ticket out of misery. Because our brain will throw every thought it can to get us to stop venturing into new, growing experiences. And without knowing how to manage our brains, we just believe our thoughts. They are simply on autopilot. So the skill of managing your brain is the most crucial skill in creating a life you like, Period. Learning how to think intentionally is paramount. And that skill starts with awareness. Becoming aware. Just watching your thoughts. You have them right now. What are your thoughts happening right now? Ask yourself this, what am I thinking? Once you gain some awareness, try to resist the urge to judge your thoughts. But rather, let's get curious. Maybe you can ask, how does it serve me to think this way? Because there is always a benefit, even to the most negative thoughts we think. And understanding it brings compassion and makes it easier to change your thoughts. So once you've identified the thoughts that don't deliver the results you want, you can choose an equally believable thought that does. So, for example, let's imagine that your friend never texts you back, and this really bugs you. You might think they're so rude. That's your thought. They're so rude. Or maybe you think they don't value this friendship like I do. Those sound like true thoughts, and maybe they are for you. But here's a question to help you shift your thinking. Ask yourself, what else could be true? And here's where you start to manage your mind. What else could be true? Here's a couple ideas. Maybe your friend is super busy. Maybe they have ADHD and is terrible about returning texts. Maybe your friend hasn't seen your text yet. Or maybe they saw it and they thought they responded. It's possible your friend isn't a big texter and that they were thinking about their response and then they forgot or they wanted to call you. Or maybe they they're going through something and they can't turn their attention to your text right now. Maybe your friend is feeling cold towards you right now and it's okay to let them have some space or ask if everything's okay. By the way, this is a thought unless they tell you that this is true. So just know that that's also a thought. But as you can see, there's lots of other thoughts that could be true. Lots of other thoughts that are available that you could choose and they could be just as true as your original thoughts. Now here's why this matters so much. Each of those thoughts connects to a feeling. Feelings serve as our biological response system. They are part of our ability to survive, to communicate, to make decisions, to connect with others, to take care of ourselves, to regulate our well being. They warn us against danger and they inspire us to take action. Everyone has them. Our feelings come and go all day long, but they are tied to our thoughts or as reactions to our environment. But at its core, a feeling is simply a vibration in your body, usually described with one word. Some feelings are warm and easy, some feelings are tight and heavy. There are thousands of different feelings available to us in any given life, but for the most part, they're just vibrations reacting to our thoughts. So let me illustrate that thinking of the example when your friend doesn't text back. If your thought is they don't value this friendship, how would that thought feel for me? It feels like rejection, right? They don't value this friendship feels like the vibration of rejection. But if instead you could choose one of the other thoughts that are possible to think. My friend is just terrible about returning texts. How does that thought feel to me? That feels more accepting. So in this example, two different but equally true thoughts stemming from the same circumstance of your friend not texting you back creates two completely different feelings. Do you see that? Are you with me? And that is the management of thoughts and feelings. In one scenario you feel rejected. In the other scenario you're feeling accepting. This is possible for any thought you think, any scenario you encounter. This is how you manage your thoughts and feelings to pursue the life you like. You start by asking what am I thinking? You can do the Work to understand how do I benefit from this thinking? And then you want to ask what else could be true? And let your mind just be open to that. See how other thoughts feel and then take action accordingly. Now when I teach this to people, they think, awesome, I can just manipulate my life to be happy all the time. And I want to be clear that the purpose of managing your thoughts and feelings is not to be happy all the time. It is not to be positive all the time. That would be super weird and inappropriate to how humans are meant to live. Imagine being happy as a reaction to a tragedy or chaos. It's just, it's not appropriate. All lives contain hardship and ease, joy and pain, happiness and challenge, as they should. And learning how to manage our thoughts and feelings allows us to respond appropriately. We need that balance. We couldn't experience the highs without the lows. The point of all of this is to be intentional and aware of all the emotional experiences we can have and to respond and manage our thoughts, feelings and actions accordingly. Let's use these tools to become the most evolved versions of ourselves. To stop our own unnecessary suffering, but to allow and process the pain that all lives experience and the joy that all lives experience. We become emotionally mature when we are able to recognize, express and handle our own emotions, when we become self aware, when we're able to remain calm and not react to everything and everyone, when we can consider others, get out of judgment, stop feeling like a victim and take responsibility for our lives. And that's the goal, isn't it? We owe it to ourselves and to the world. The other critical reason to learn how to manage your thoughts and feelings is because your feelings either stop you or inspire you to take the action of pursuing the life you want. Fear, shame, disappointment, anxiety, anger, embarrassment, confusion, and so many other feelings feel uncomfortable and our brains hate that. So when we start to feel them, we tend to avoid that discomfort and seek pleasure instead. Right, when you're applying for a new job and you're feeling vulnerable and anxious, what do you tend to do? Procrastinate, Avoid, go for some snacks, watch tv, scroll, Instagram, do something easier, maybe even keep yourself busy in a different way. Right? Your uncomfortable feeling is fueling your inaction. Often the things we run to in order to process a feeling or to avoid processing a feeling, the over scrolling, the overeating, the over drinking, the over netflixing, shopping, working creates the life that we don't like. And that's all to avoid feeling an uncomfortable emotion. Equally, feelings can be fueling your action too. If you were feeling determined or excited or confident or competitive or hopeful or optimistic, you might rush to apply for that job, right? So understanding and processing our feelings is crucial. Our feelings cause us to take action or avoid taking action.
- [27:49]
Abby Schiller
Hey, it's me, Paige desorbo and I'm so excited to share my new shoe collection at dsw filled with my favorite styles and trends for spring. Because if you know me, you know I'm kind of obsessed with shoes. And by kind of obsessed, I mean head over heels. You're going to love these shoes. So snag super cute styles like cute flats, fun heels and cool sneakers from the Paige Deservo Collection right Now at your DSW store or DSW.com I have.
- [28:20]
Gwyneth Paltrow
Very dry lips, so I've always been something of a lip balm and lip mask connoisseur if I do say so myself. So I wanted to make the best ever lip mask. Like better than anything on the market, better than anything I had ever tried. Because it's what I needed. That's why I'm excited to share our newest Goop product with you. The Nourishing Repair Lip Mask. Formulated with high performance clean ingredients, this mask delivers clinical grade results, increasing hydration by over 160% with just one swipe. The result? Smoother, softer and more protected lips that look as good as they feel immediately and over time. At Goop, we believe in beauty as wellness. That's why our products are carefully crafted to be clean, holistic and results driven. To try our Nourishing Lip Repair Mask or any of our Goop Beauty products, use code goop lips@goop.com for 15% off your first Goop Beauty purchase. I'm really excited for you to try our products and I hope you love them as much as I do.
- [29:27]
Google Assistant
So let's just do a quick review of where we are so far. In order to create a life you like, you need to know and decide what you want. You need to make a plan for it which anticipates the obstacles. And you need to manage your thoughts and feelings in order to move through all the obstacles within your brain when it tries to stop you. And then you need to use those thoughts and feelings to take action towards your goal. And that is our fourth step. Take more action. Most people plan too much and act too little. We have all these hopes and dreams and then never take action of achieving them. Or we know we want to do something but we just can't get ourselves to do it. Or we start to take action, hit an obstacle and are thrown off course, taking action is the only way to get where you want to go. Our habits, our behaviors, our reactions, and all the forms of lack of action, like procrastination, indecision, delaying, busy work, those are all fueled by our thoughts and feelings. So if you're finding yourself consistently not taking the action you wish you were, examine how you think and feel about it. There is a science to changing habits, to becoming the person who does what they say, and to being more consistent. But it starts with your thoughts and feelings. Remember that everything is solvable, even if you have a very busy life or a very easily distractible brain. I'm in the middle of writing a book, and I'd say that 80% of the challenge of writing that book is my thought that this is hard. When I think this is hard, I don't want to do it. I resist it. I work on other things. Of course, thinking this is hard makes it even more hard, because my brain wants to find all the examples of it being hard. So I have learned how to choose my thoughts. When my brain is braining, I sit my butt in the chair and I write one paragraph at a time. I have a whole process that helps me focus 20 minutes at a time. And I do live with an ADHD brain. My brain still wants to chirp at me about how this isn't good enough or how I'm not making progress fast enough, or how nobody's going to read this or whatever. My brain wants to shoot my way. But like a parent who redirects their rambunctious toddler, I now use my tools to keep taking the action of writing the book one tiny step at a time. And I want you to do that, too. Taking action, even that very first step, requires an amount of trust in yourself that you're capable, or that if you're not yet capable, you can trust that you can become capable, and that when you fail, you trust yourself to get back up and try again. And managing the thoughts and feelings come with that learning. The more action you take, the more you learn, the faster you get there. I have a friend who I meet every year at the same holiday party for 13 years. At this party, we have a tradition of writing ourselves a letter to be opened next year. This year, when we were writing the letters and reading last year's version of it, she turned to me and said, with such disappointment, I've written the same thing every year for 13 years. She had a realization she wasn't further along in her business by now, despite really hoping to be. I asked her if that was a helpful thought for her and what else could be true. And she could equally have chosen to understand why her business needed to be put on the back burner despite her hopes for it, that she had been in a season of other priorities like raising her kids, and that her regret or determination or realization could also now fuel her growth. I asked her what results she wanted now, and she said she was ready to take on the business now that her kids were grown. And then I asked, what action is she willing to take? What are all the feelings she's willing to feel while taking that action? What exactly does she want for her business in this next year, and what are all the obstacles on her way to get there? There is a difference between deciding and taking active action. There is passive action, like thinking about, worrying, learning, researching. And then there is active action, which is the action that propels you toward the result you want. Active action might include you asking someone for the thing you want, or making an offer or a pitch, or creating something new, or making an actual physical change. But active action requires you to do something for the purpose of the result you want. It often requires becoming uncomfortable because you're exerting energy which your brain doesn't like. It is me writing the book one paragraph at a time. There is so much growth in active action. In any given moment, you are either moving toward or away from your goal. And it's normal for our goals to change. We change. We evolve. Maybe you've carried a goal for many years that is no longer relevant to you. You might decide that's not who you are anymore, or this isn't the season you're in right now. But please don't give up on your goals entirely. I really believe that goal setting is one of the most basic acts of self care. It is an act in believing in yourself and your potential and striving towards something, growing into your next version. Learning, failing, making progress, Managing setbacks. It is an act of becoming. It requires a tolerance to discomfort, a trust. And in taking action, you literally become the person you want to become. And that to me is so incredible. Taking action is earning your dreams. We earn our dreams. Knowing that we can manage our thoughts, feelings and actions should be great news. I find it really empowering. We no longer need to think of life happening to us. We have more control than we think in our thoughts, feelings and actions. Think of how much agency we can have over our lives. Thinking, feeling and responding intentionally. Think of how different this world would be if everyone knew how to do this. So the fifth and final step in learning how to create a life you like is to learn how to enjoy or find meaning in the process. Why does this matter? Because 1% of life is deciding what you want and 1% is in achieving what you want. But 98% is lived in the process. And if you don't know how to enjoy the process or find meaning within it, you're simply not going to like your life. Before I get into the ways of doing this, I want to just ask, how do you think about or prioritize your enjoyment? Do you even. Do you have enough joy, fun, and play in your life? Play would be defined as something that doesn't contain consequences, something that you just do for its own enjoyment. I absolutely did not prioritize this. I spent many, many years focused on work and parenting and responsibilities and adulting and earning. And I found my life totally void of fun for a very long time. Until one year. I think after the pandemic, I just decided to learn how to lighten up a little bit, to take things less seriously, to prioritize play. And actually my motto for that year, because I always choose a motto, was random acts of fun. And for an entire year, I practiced that. I learned pickleball. I kept a kite in my car and flew kites at the beach or the park. I took three solo trips away from my family. I took my son to Disneyland. I attended concerts and dance lessons, you name it. But I also made my goals more fun. My other goals? I looked for ways to make the mundane more fun, like playing show tunes while doing the dishes or making family dinners more fun with cards and games. I planned fun and I enjoyed fun spontaneously. And it absolutely changed my life. Why had I judged enjoyment so harshly? How can we make things more fun, more easy, and more enjoyable? How can you find ways to enjoy the process? Of course, not everything can be about finding enjoyment. There are things that shouldn't be fun or easy in the process, like when we are struggling with health or finances or finding ourselves in dark times. And in those times, in that process, I would ask, how can we find meaning in it? How can we witness our ability to move through this challenge with appreciation and compassion? How can we connect to the badassery of our wisest ancestors and feel connected to their hardship and make them proud? How can we accept that most people throughout history have lived with challenge and have found ways to connect meaningfully and love deeply and look out for each other and carry on? I want to offer you one tip that helps me find meaning and enjoy the process. And it's really just a mindset shift, but it is to actively look for the good. Look for the good. We are fed a constant stream of negativity. Our brains prioritize that negativity in an effort to keep us safe. Media companies, social media, news corporations capitalize on that to gain our attention. But we must balance the consumption diet and actively seek examples of good. So when I'm out, I look for the good. The flowers on the walk or the decor choices in the neighborhood or the way my dog is trotting so happily down the street. I look for the good online in the comments and the likes in design and copy choices. I look for the good in the world with acts of kindness and humanity. And I notice them everywhere because I've actively trained my brain to notice them. There is a kindness to this mental scavenger hunt. I feel the universe gives me little winks all day long as if it were thanking me for noticing. And you can have this too. Look for the Good There are many ways to find enjoyment and meaning in the process, but this one feels extra special to me. We are surrounded by good, by beauty, by humanity. Let's honor it by noticing. In fact, look around you right now and notice something good. Maybe it's the ice in your glass of clean water. Maybe it's the way the light is entering your space to make shadows. Maybe it's the comfort and safety of where you are right now. But keep finding it. Keep looking for the good. Learning to enjoy or find meaning in the process is the secret sauce to liking your life. I am telling you it isn't just about wishing and it isn't just about achieving though those matter. But it is in the attempting. It is in the solving, the figuring out, the striving. That is where the meat of this whole life sandwich is found. And if we can stop for a moment to appreciate our attempts, ourselves, our potential, we are winning. So I want to leave you with this. You deserve to like your life. You can create a life you like. Remember these five steps. Decide what you want, make a plan for it, manage your thoughts and feelings, take so much action and then enjoy or find meaning in the process. I hope this has been helpful to you. I'm here to support you in your journey however I can. If you'd like some more resources, please come visit my site and check out my free training called change one thing that's at abbyschiller.com a b b I-e s c-h I l l e r.com we always have fun things going on there, so check it out. But remember that everything is solvable, whether this is the start of your change or you're in the middle of it. I wish you courage, love, support and meaning on your journey. Have a beautiful week.
- [41:47]
Gwyneth Paltrow
Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of the GOOP Podcast. I hope this conversation with Abby inspires you to approach your goals with confidence, clarity and intuition. As always, thanks for listening and see you next time. This has been a presentation of kids, Cadence 13 Studios. I hope you'll listen, follow, rate and review all of our episodes, which are available for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts.