Tig Notaro on Grief, Comedy, and Life After Loss

Summary

The goop Podcast — Episode Summary
Episode: Tig Notaro on Grief, Comedy, and Life After Loss
Host: Gwyneth Paltrow
Date: March 24, 2026
Main Theme:
Gwyneth Paltrow sits down with comedian, writer, and filmmaker Tig Notaro for a profound discussion about holding humor and heartbreak together. They delve into Tig’s recent Oscar-nominated documentary, Come See Me in the Good Light, which chronicles poet Andrea Gibson’s final year after a stage four ovarian cancer diagnosis. The conversation weaves through topics of grief, resilience, friendship, the transformative nature of loss, and how humor can coexist with — and even make bearable — our darkest moments.

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Episode Overview

Tig Notaro, known for her unique comedic perspective and openness about trauma, joins Gwyneth Paltrow to talk about the making of her documentary on poet Andrea Gibson, her personal journey through cancer, the lessons found in loss, and how comedy becomes a tool for healing and connection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Awards Season & New Experiences (02:46–03:52)

• Tig describes the whirlwind of awards season, the unfamiliar rhythm of industry events, and maintaining joy through unexpected circumstances.
• Gwyneth and Tig share mutual excitement about crossing paths at upcoming ceremonies.

2. The Parallel Journeys of Tig and Andrea Gibson (04:31–10:43)

• How the Documentary Began (05:21):
  • The idea for Come See Me in the Good Light emerged during a practical conversation about helping Andrea with their podcast, quickly snowballing into a full-fledged project when it became clear Andrea’s life deserved to be documented “in real time” (05:21–08:19).
  • Financiers were quickly found, and the project moved without the usual industry red tape:

    “I just thought, I have so much inside of me. I can see this. I know this person. And I am a big documentary fan.” — Tig (06:20)

• Kindred Spirits (08:19–10:43):
  • Tig describes meeting Andrea in Boulder in 2001, immediately sensing kinship.

    “Everything was so precious to Andrea, and then nothing was too precious to laugh about.” — Tig (09:33)

• Humor in Darkness (10:43–12:06):
  • Tig recounts moments of inappropriate laughter, underscoring how Andrea and their wife Meg could transition seamlessly from deep laughs to heartbreak.

3. Witnessing Grief & Transformation (12:06–18:42)

• Andrea’s Response to Illness (13:18):
  • Tig, herself a cancer survivor, reflects on Andrea’s process of absorbing bad news and moving quickly from shock to gratitude.
  • The documentary avoids “toxic positivity,” highlighting genuine resilience and hope, even when Andrea had previously experienced suicidal ideation (13:18–16:10).
• Perspective Shifts (16:10–18:42):
  • When terminal illness struck, older attachments (including those around gender) fell away.

    “All of that, you just kind of… it just goes away.” — Tig (17:31)

• Tig’s own transformation:
  • The process changed her fundamentally, cracking open her perception of what bravery and living truly mean.

4. The Art of Navigating Endings (20:01–25:46)

• On Ending the Film Before Death (20:01):
  • The decision was made by the filmmaking team to end on a hopeful note before Andrea died, allowing the subject to see the film themselves (20:34–24:23).
• Sundance & “Snuggle Down” Weekend (22:06–25:00):
  • The documentary won at Sundance, and Andrea’s attendance at the festival was an emotional highlight for all involved.

5. Preserving Final Performances (25:00–28:20)

• A special concert film was created from Andrea’s last shows in Denver, marking a poignant tribute to their legacy.
• Tig’s children attended these events, earning “$10 a show” for their patience, a moment of levity amid heaviness.

  “Still impressive, because it’s a long night of poetry and backstage hangs for seven-year-olds.” — Tig (27:18)

6. Comedy as Survival (28:39–43:30)

• Tig’s own standup after diagnosis (30:21–34:58):
  • Following her 2012 cancer diagnosis, Tig details the leap of faith in performing a radically honest set about her illness at Largo, which unexpectedly became a phenomenon.

    “I walked out, I was like, good evening. Hi. How’s everyone doing? I have cancer. How are you?” — Tig (34:40)

• Healing through sharing (36:24):
  • Comedy, for Tig, is both a terrifying and therapeutic process—“awkwardness as connection.”
  • Personal tragedy cracked her open as a performer and as a person.

7. Accepting Help and Community (43:28–46:35)

• After illness, Tig learned the importance of accepting support from friends and became determined to help others as well, deepening her empathy and sense of connection:

  “It really woke me up as a comedian, as a person, as a stranger to others, as a parent, a spouse, a friend...” — Tig (44:07)

8. Taking the Lessons of Loss to Heart (46:35–57:16)

• The film’s message:

  “Don’t wait for that kind of diagnosis to start living your life.” — Tig (45:47)

• Andrea’s poetry, particularly “Little Things,” continues to inspire Tig and others to savor the small joys and daily experiences.

9. Meg’s Grief and Resilience (50:02–56:16)

• Meg’s Approach:

  “She referenced that idea of a person dies twice... Meg said, I just feel like I’ve been having this incredible opportunity to talk about Andrea every day.” — Tig (51:47)

• Meg refers to Andrea's passing as their "alleged passing," so profoundly does she feel Andrea's presence.

10. Trust in Artistry and Community (56:16–63:27)

• Tig extols the trust shown by Andrea and Meg in the documentary filmmakers, citing real artistry and depth of relationship as critical to the authenticity of the project.
• Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach, fans of Andrea’s work, came on as financiers within minutes of being asked (59:01–61:27).

11. Legacy and Cultural Impact (63:27–end)

• Both Gwyneth and Tig recognize the profound impact Come See Me in the Good Light has on viewers, offering inspiration, comfort, and a reason to reflect on what is precious.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Friendship and Humor:

  “Everything was so precious to Andrea, and then nothing was too precious to laugh about.” — Tig (09:33)

• On Facing Death:

  “Seeing somebody in their final days and going towards what we’re all headed towards is bravery beyond comprehension.” — Tig (13:56)

• On Perspective Shifts:

  “All that, you just kind of… it just goes away.” — Tig (17:31)

• On Seizing the Day:

  “Don’t wait for that kind of diagnosis to start living your life.” — Tig (45:47)

• Andrea’s Poetic Power:

  “If people think poetry is frivolous, then they’ve never had to have somebody tell them unspeakably hard news. Beautifully.” — recounted by Tig, via Stephen Colbert (48:43–49:15) “What kind of poet would I be if I could only make life beautiful on the page?” — Andrea Gibson, recalled by Tig (49:43)

• On True Community:

  “I always say there’s always some weirdo rattling around in a production. That was not the case on this film. It was extraordinary how much people really stuck to this has to be led by only love.” — Tig (59:01) “The crew was so tiny. … People continued to fly out to go visit Meg and Andrea.” — Tig (62:34)

• Andrea’s Poem, as quoted by Gwyneth: (47:22)

  “Felt a love for myself so consistent, metronomes tried to copyright my heartbeat.”

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Important Timestamps

• 04:31 — The origin story of the documentary and Tig’s relationship with Andrea
• 13:18 — Discussion of grief, illness, and finding meaning
• 20:34 — The decision to end the film before Andrea’s death
• 25:00 — Creating a concert film of Andrea’s final performance
• 30:21 — Tig’s standup after diagnosis and the healing power of comedy
• 44:07 — How trauma and loss changed Tig’s outlook on life and art
• 46:35 — Universal lessons from suffering and “the little things”
• 51:47 — Meg on grief and celebrating Andrea’s legacy
• 59:01 — Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach’s immediate support as financiers

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In Closing

This episode is a moving meditation on living honestly through pain, the unexpected kinships found in dark times, and the ways art, poetry, and humor can soften — and even transform — the hardest realities. Tig’s candor and the love evident in every element of the documentary are reminders that while loss may break us open, it also brings us closer to the essence of life.

Where to Watch:
Come See Me in the Good Light is available on Apple TV.
Notable Moments: The documentary’s final performance, Tig’s first cancer set at Largo, and the deeply personal, community-driven filmmaking process.

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For listeners seeking meaning, laughter, or solace in their own grief, this episode — and Tig’s work — offer illumination, connection, and above all, hope.

Transcript

[A]

Thank you for tuning in to the Goop podcast. Today's episode is made possible by Polestar. Those who know me know my car is my mobile sanctuary. It's one of the few places in the day that can feel really calm and restorative. So the space matters. And that's why I love Polestar 3. It's an all electric SUV with a kind of thoughtful innovation that I'm always drawn to. Things like massage seats, immersive 3D surround sound, and Google Gemini, which can answer questions, set reminders, and just make life feel a little more streamlined when I'm on the go. The technology is seamlessly integrated and complements the minimalist design. Everything feels intentional, clean, and beautifully considered. Whether I'm heading to a meeting or just taking a moment for myself in the car, Polestar 3 makes the drive feel like a sanctuary. Learn more and book your Test [e-mail].

[B]

When you are pioneering anything or introducing

[A]

new ideas to the culture, you get criticized. You do? Yeah. Did you hear about that?

[B]

I didn't find the one. I found someone I respected and we made it the one.

[A]

In the sort of longing kind of

[B]

view of love, people understand each other

[A]

as if by magic.

[B]

Nothing itself is addictive on the one hand. On the other hand, everything could be addictive if there's an emptiness in that person that needs to be filled.

[A]

I now know that nobody changes until they change their energy. And when you change your energy, you change your life. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow. This is the GOOP Podcast, bringing together thought leaders, culture changers, creatives, founders and CEOs, scientists, doctors, healers and seekers here to start conversations. Because simply asking questions and listening has the power to change the way we see the world. Here we go. Welcome to the GOOP Podcast. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow and today I'm sitting down with a comedian, writer and filmmaker who has a rare ability to hold humor and heartbreak at the same time. We talk about her remarkable Oscar nominated documentary, Come See Me in the Good Light, which is a portrait of the amazing poet Andrea Gibson and the experience of bearing witness to a life at its end. We discuss how some of life's darkest moments can also be the funniest. The meaning of true friendship and how loss has a way of opening us up into more of who we are. Tig Notaro.

[B]

Hi. Hi.

[A]

I'm so excited to be talking to you.

[B]

Same.

[A]

How's life?

[B]

Life is good. It's funny, I would hear people talk about awards season and I was like, what is that? Like, I've never even. Not in my world. And so I've been living a life that I am not used to going to these parties and luncheon and so it's been busy, but it's.

[A]

It's. Yeah, I think it's something that is not quite fathomable unless you go through it. Like, the relentlessness of it and how many hours, and it's pretty intense. It's pretty crazy.

[B]

I know. I heard from a friend of mine in Colorado, and I hadn't talked to in a while, and I said, can I try you back in like, two weeks? I'm sure she was like, what? She's like a yoga.

[A]

You, dude, this is gone to your head.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, but it's true. I'll see you there. I'm going to present, so.

[B]

Oh, amazing.

[A]

I'll find you.

[B]

Present to me, please.

[A]

I mean. So, yeah, let's start talking about it because. Well, I do wanna. If it's okay. I would love to start just with some context around you, having grown up in Mississippi and kind of your journey through queerness into this documentary, because I found, you know, there are so many amazing parallels between you and Andrea. Like, I. Right. I mean, that's not a total projection.

[B]

No, I mean, we. When I met Andrea, we were both kind of getting our bearings in our careers.

[A]

Let me just ground everybody in the fact that you produce this incredibly beautiful, unbelievably tragic, but also hopeful documentary about Andrea Gibson, who was our poet laureate. Right. And of Colorado, and taking us through the journey, through the end of her life, essentially, and her just before her death from ovarian cancer. So I wanted to. Well, we can start really with the parallels between you guys, I think, in what. How did this idea come to life?

[B]

Well, when Andrea was going through. I mean, obviously you never know how long somebody's going to be around when they have stage four ovarian. Aggressive. Stage four ovarian cancer. But it ended up being the final year of Andrea's life, and there was a lot, obviously, going on. And so different friends were kind of trying to handle different parts of their life. And I was on the phone with our mutual friend Steph Willen, who I had met at the same time I met Andrea in, like, 2001, and we were working on, you know, how do we help Andrea with their podcast and how to edit, produce, what to do with this? Because Steph edits, and I've been in podcastings for an unusually long time. And so in that conversation, Steph said, you Know, I feel like Andrea's life right now would make a really great documentary. And it knocked me over, like you would not believe. And I just. I was like, I can't believe I didn't think about this. And I work so quickly. I truly got off the phone and. And I had one moment where I thought, do I call my agents? And do I. And then I was like, you know what? No, because then it's going to be like, let me get you to meet this person. Let me. Let's get on Zoom. Let's set a call next week. And then I was just like. And I just thought, I have so much inside of me. I can see this. I know this person. And. And I. And I am a big documentary fan. And so I reached out to friends, friends of mine and financiers, and I just. I mean, it happened so quickly. And when I first reached out to the director, Ryan White, and his producing partner, Jessica Hargrave, I was like. I said. Because they had said it'd be fun to do a work together and maybe do a funny documentary. And so I call them with this, and I'm like, you know, this friend of mine of 25 years is. Is a. Is a non binary poet with stage four ovarian cancer. And they were like, oh, okay. And. But I know. I was like, but truly, I said, I'll send you some information, and you're either going to be in or not. And so I sent them some stuff, and they. They reached out in three days, and they were like, oh, my God, we are buying plane tickets next week. And so. And they also said, we can't pitch this to anybody because it's not a sparkly Hollywood idea. And they said, so we just have to raise money independently and hope that we make the most beautiful film possible. And I feel like that's exactly what we did.

[A]

You sure did. So tell me about how you and Andrea became friends. Did you feel a kindred. A kindred spirit with them immediately when you met in 2001?

[B]

I, Andrea, was part of this political and social activist group called Vox Feminista in Boulder. And I've lived in Colorado off and on over the years. And I was backstage because another friend of mine was performing in Vox Feminista. We were at a theater called Old Main at the CU Boulder campus, where they were where Vox was performing. And our mutual friend, another mutual friend, said, oh, this is Andrea Gibson. Andrea's a poet. And I remember being so confused, because, I'll be honest, I've never run around in poetry Circles. And just looking at Andrea, I was thinking, God, this looks like a rock star. That was more of the world I was used to, was hanging out with musicians and comedians and whatever. So I was like, wow, that's so fascinating. And then Andrea went on stage that night, annihilated the audience. Like, I, like, made poetry look like. Which it is. It's so cool, but looked so cool on a whole other level. People were crying, laughing, and it just confirmed that, yeah, this is a rock star. But I felt like I knew this person just based on circles I would run in, you know, I thought. I felt like, I know you. And Andrea was truly one of the funniest people I knew. And, like, such a great laugh hang the person that I always describe Andrea as somebody that. Everything was so precious to Andrea, and then nothing was too precious to laugh about. And that was.

[A]

Was this, like a pre. Pre cancer diagnosis? Things were precious or.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. And even up until Andrea's death, everything was so precious. But also, man, could you have an inappropriate laugh with Andrea. It was.

[A]

I mean, God, in the documentary, when they're sitting at the table and they're, like, playing the voice message around like, we're gonna be finger.

[B]

No, it was thumbing, Gwyneth.

[A]

Sorry, Thumbing.

[B]

But then also. Okay, can I just tell you, that is a very. That's so early in the documentary. And. And the director, Ryan, talks about how it usually takes a beat for a documentary subject to ease in to being themselves. And that discussion. And that moment was not only one of my favorite moments in that film, but maybe of anything I've ever seen, because it so illustrates the fluidity of, like, going from the deepest belly laugh to when they go into the aging app where Meg. And Meg, Andrea's wife, where they see themselves old and they realize that they won't ever see each other in that way. And it's so devastating.

[A]

It's so devastating. But watching them go through it, I was so struck by how they, like, what was so fascinating to watch was when the bad news would drop and how they would sit there and sort of body the news and, of course, have a very human reaction, be overwhelmed, angry, even, like. And then how quickly they would sort of settle into this beautiful, wide perspective about life and the preciousness of life and the gratitude. I found it so. In. So deeply inspiring how they were able to do that, you know, so quickly, recover almost from, like, the most devastating news you could ever see, and how they were able to transmute it very quickly, seemingly, in the documentary into so what was that. What was that like to witness? Is that right? Was it more protracted in real life? Like, what did that mean to you?

[B]

Well, I mean, having had cancer myself, I mean, I had several health issues going on simultaneously.

[A]

Which you chronicled in your amazing documentary, which I loved.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

You had a crazy intestinal thing. You had a double mastectomy.

[B]

I had pneumonia in the middle of it all. The intestinal disease was very deadly. And so I was dealing with all three also having just lost my mother, who tripped her head and died. It was. It was a very hard, hard, confusing time. But watch it. It's so interesting because Andrea had told me that what I went through was inspiring to them. Yeah. And I think it's that part of, like, it's hard to take that in because I'm watching somebody do something I don't think I could do. I've been at my parents deathbeds. I've been with my cousin. I was with Andrea. It's one of the most. It's like when people would tell me I was brave. Seeing somebody in their final days and going towards what we're all headed towards is bravery beyond comprehension. But seeing Andrea process this news over and over, and it wasn't toxic positivity. It wasn't. There was nothing false about it. You know, this is somebody who dealt with suicidal ideation previously, who thought they didn't want to be on this planet and was oftentimes writing their poetry in a way of, like, this is what I want to be. This is where I want to land. And I think that getting this diagnosis, it. It's the same as what I went through in that it really wakes you up. And that's exactly. It's like it finally met up in real time of, I don't want to. I don't want to die. And I do feel these. All of these ways that I'm writing and I'm speaking about Andrea, of course, but it was. It was wild, too. And also in the documentary and in real life, that blows me away about Andrea that I found so inspiring and telling was Andrea got up and worked out every day when they were inching towards the end. Worked out every day.

[A]

Did they say anything about that shift in perspective, specifically from suicidal ideation to when faced with actual death? Like, did it. Did it reframe for them, their depression or the way that they had thought about their life? Was that fundamentally changed?

[B]

Well, yeah. Everything just kind of goes away. It's all of those kind of hangups, even down to. As Andrea spoke about in the documentary, their gender that they identified as non binary, but when they got diagnosed no longer had any connection to how somebody. I've been in interviews where people will write me or tag me on something and be so upset that if I'm talking to somebody that calls Andrea she or her and I don't correct them, I'm like, watch the documentary or unfortunately, you didn't meet Andrea, but this is not a hang up of Andrea's. And so I'd be doing my friend a disservice. They, Andrea would be so upset if anybody was corrected about anything like that. So all of that, you just kind of. It just goes away.

[A]

Right? Was it something that she had been sort of more strident about before?

[B]

I think so. I think it's.

[A]

Or whoops, I said she. See, I mean, that's the thing.

[B]

It just doesn't even matter. It just doesn't even matter. I think all the time about on September 11th, when I read about after the buildings were hit and there were documents from the Twin Towers that slowly drifted to as far as New Jersey. And that struck me so much because I thought there was a boss writing somebody's ass about those papers. This has to be in. This has to be this way. There's so much importance put on it. And as I watch the papers slowly float to New Jersey, it's like, was it really that important? Like it just, it all goes away.

[A]

Do you feel changed, like forever changed by having walked through this path with, with them?

[B]

Yeah. And I, as I mentioned, like, I just got chills all through my body. But there it's a whole other conversation. But Andrea's last few days, I witnessed something so extraordinary that I truly kept saying to Stephanie, my, to my wife Stephanie, after leaving that house, I was like, I don't even understand how I'm going to return to Los Angeles and exit the 101 onto Melrose and go home and join back into my life. I don't even understand how that can happen. And it was painful, but it was also one of the most beautiful things with a lot of moving pieces, a lot of people from Andrea's life and past and complicated relationships that had to sort out in about three days.

[A]

It's funny because the film ends in this beautiful moment of sunset where, you know, it's implicit that she's going to die. She knows she's going to die. But the, the film ends and it was still quite a few months right until her death. What was the decision to not to stop it there?

[B]

Well, Andrea. You know, when. When Andrea met Ryan and Jess, when. When they flew out to Colorado, Andrea said, I guess I'm going to be with you when I die. And that was kind of the thought. We just didn't know. We thought we were gonna film till the end. And as Ryan and our incredible editor Bernice were looking through the footage, the thought came up, do we really need to see our hero die? And so they cut the film without telling Andrea and Meg and submitted it to Sundance because they just thought maybe we could just end this on a hopeful, uplifting note and then Andrea could see the movie. And yet we didn't tell Andrea or Meg that we were submitting in case we didn't get in. And then not only did we get in, but we ended up winning the Sundance Film Festival, like, even out of scripted films. And it was so wild because I've been to Sundance, like, five times before, and I've gone to all the parties, the events, all the screenings, the panels. It's nonstop, you know? And when we went for this, first of all, Andrea and Meg were just floored because they.

[A]

Oh, were they able to go.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And. But only until, like, the last day or two did we find out, because Andrea's lungs were full of tumors and struggling to go up and down stairs. And we had all rented an Airbnb, this big house. It was like Sara Bareilles and Glennon and Abby, and my wife was there. Andrea and Meg were like, we're actually coming. And they drove out from Colorado, and we were like, oh, my God. Like. And we called it that that weekend. Snuggle down. Because we weren't going to any of the parties or events. We were spending time with Andrea and Meg when we were having tea by the fire and laughing so hard and just having the most extraordinary time. And we, of course, went to the premiere, which was off the charts. So emotional. The humor hit like a Will Ferrell movie. It was so. We felt like, wow, that went so well. But we had no gauge of how the movie was going, like, at the festival. And then we just went our separate ways. And I got a call. I was getting texts from Andrea and Meg. Can you get on a call? Can you call? Hey, have you heard the new. I was like. I called Stephanie. I was like, oh, God, I'm so scared to. I was scared something happened to Andrea, right? And so I called, and Andrea and Meg answered on speakerphone. And I was so emotional. I was so scared to hear bad news. And they said, did you hear? And I was like, hear what? And they said, we won. And I was like, won what? And Sundance. What are you talking about? I was so confused. So confused. Because there was especially this time, a little over a year ago, with the new administration coming in of, like, streamers, pushing back on LGBTQ stories. And so we didn't have huge expectations. So we really did not expect to get as far as we could.

[A]

It doesn't surprise me. It really doesn't. Because, you know, there's. It's. It's a perfect documentary, and there's so much restraint and the kind of. The emotional thread through it. It's so. It's like you're on tenterhooks the whole time, and then it's so emotional when they're able to go back on stage for what I assume really was the final time and deliver that just rocket ship of a performance. I was bawling, balling.

[B]

Yeah. Try being there.

[A]

I can't. I know.

[B]

I mean, but here's the good news, Gwyneth. When we were shooting that night in. In Denver, I told. Well, not that night, but leading up to it, I said to Ryan, the director, I said, you know what? Because I've directed a bunch of comedy specials. And I said, we already have all these cameras set up. Why don't we just shoot this as a standalone and edit it as Andrea's final concert? And so we have that. And. Yeah, so we're going to be. We have very big plans for this that are very exciting, that we'll. We'll let people know. But I. I'm just thrilled to be able to. That people will be able to see Andrea's final performance.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm crying thinking about that.

[B]

You're gonna cry when you see it. It's so beautiful.

[A]

Oh, my God. When is that gonna come out?

[B]

Well, I can't really say because it's.

[A]

You're full of secrets today, Tig.

[B]

Really, I have so many secrets, but, girl, I will fill after our session here.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And can I just tell you a funny side note, though?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Stephanie and I brought our two sons out, who were 7 at the time,

[A]

because you opened for her.

[B]

Yeah. Andrea was scared because, you know, you have to book a theater months in advance. And so Andrea was like, I don't know if I'm. I literally don't know if I'm going to be alive when this happens. And that's also in the documentary when Andrea says, but I'm not going to feel too bad about it if I have to cancel. But it was more so if Andrea was alive and could perform, I was asked to open. And if Andrea didn't have the energy to do a full performance, could I kind of pick up some of the slack?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so, yeah, I flew out to open for Andrea and brought Stephanie and our two sons, who are 7, and they're sitting through. It's actually two performances that will be cut into one, which is how most specials are done. And our sons, they're sitting there listening to every topic that you could ever. This is a very socially politically active person. And they're sitting there, and they were told to behave and sit, and they were taking it all in. It was a long night. I opened, Andrea went on stage. There was hanging out backstage. This is two nights in a row, and they were so well behaved. And I went up to them and I said, guys, I am so proud of you for. I mean, I know this was a lot in two nights. And my son Max said, well, I'm honest. Mom did promise us each $10 a show if we behaved ourselves. And I laughed so hard, but I was still like, it's still impressive because it's. It's a long night of poetry and backstage hangs for seven years old.

[A]

I mean, that's. That's incredible.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if I would have done that for $10 at that age, but. So that's.

[B]

Well,

[A]

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[B]

It wasn't the next. No, it wasn't the next night. I think I was diagnosed. Well, not. I think I know for sure. I was diagnosed on July 25th, and then I went on stage on August 3rd. Oh, okay. Yeah. So it was a few.

[A]

Oh, very close.

[B]

Listen, I was devastated. I was deathly ill from all of my diseases. And so it wasn't. It wasn't. I mean, my pants, I had to, like, use my. My finger to hook on my belt loop. My. I was. I was. I had lost nearly £20. It was. It was a rough time.

[A]

And so again, like, Andrea was able to so quickly go from sort of shock to metabolized. But you seem to be kind of in that same vein, but also working it out. Like, how did you. How did you decide, okay, I've just been diagnosed with breast cancer. I need a bilateral mastectomy. I'm going to a comedy club.

[B]

Well, I had called Flanagan, the owner of Largo here in Los Angeles, and I said, hey. And he knew everything that I had gone through, including also, I went through a breakup. This was all in a four month period of time. So I was feeling very much like I've lost everything, which of course I hadn't. I still had family and friends, and, you know, I was working, but had health insurance. So I know I still had things that people don't, but it felt like I had lost everything. And so I was just so confused and devastated. And I called him and I said, hey, that was my final blow was after pneumonia, the C. Diff. The intestinal disease. Pneumonia. My mother dying. Then I got the cancer diagnosis and my breakup, all of that. And I said, I can't. I don't think I can do my show. That was already on the books. And he said, why don't we keep it on the books and you can cancel one second before you walk on stage. And I was thinking, like, this guy is not hearing me. And I had known him for a long time. I have a monthly show there, you know, And I'm thinking, why would I want to go on stage? And then I had those days before my diagnosis to leading up to the show. And then I thought, man, I love doing standup comedy. And I had seen how quickly life slips away. You know, I saw my mother go. I saw my health Go. I saw my. My relationship go. And I just thought, what if I never get to perform again? So I thought, I'm gonna keep it on the books. And I started writing like crazy. I was. And I am not a comedian that writes things down. I just get an idea, and I'm like, oh, that'll be funny. I'll just talk that through on stage and see what I can come up with with this. I was, like, bringing my laptop everywhere. I was taking notes. I was like, oh, my. I was so inspired. And then I thought, well, I'm going to try this out. So right before, my biggest hurdle was how was I going to get into this material? And so I was taking a shower before the show, and this thought, thankfully ran through my mind. I was like, what if I one on stage? Like, I was saying, I was delivering this news in the same tone as like, hey, good evening. Are there any birthdays tonight? Everyone having a good time? And. And it made me laugh maniacally in my shower. And I was like, oh, my God, I can't do that. That's so crazy. And then I thought, that's going to seem disrespectful to people that have cancer. And then I was like, wait, I have cancer? I was like, this is me. I'm gonna do it. And so that's how I got into it. I walked out. I was like, good evening. Hi. How's everyone doing? I have cancer. How are you? And so that's what happened.

[A]

Oh, my God. But what's so, like, of course it's. I mean, you always. You have such a, like, hyper, unique tone. And. But what's so amazing about that? It's like, the way that you're able to rattle people's mind and hearts at the same time. And, like, I mean, I. I was watching that, going, how. What am I supposed to think and feel right now? And laughing and, like, also, you know,

[B]

but that's the best is like. And it took the audience a while because people were stunned and confused and other people were laughing, thinking, this is Tig's doing a funny bit right now. And then once it got real and they understood, all of these things really did just happen. And then people were also crying in the audience. It was. It was like nothing I had ever obviously experienced. I still have never experienced again and probably won't, hopefully.

[A]

Oh, my God. No, no. Let's be. Let's be done with that.

[B]

Yeah, we're done with that.

[A]

But did you. Was it incredibly healing? Like, were you sort of like, I don't know what I'm doing here, but I. But it feels really good. Like, what was, what was it like to go through that as you were taught, as you were doing your sad.

[B]

Well, that's the exciting, scary thing about comedy. Especially because I hadn't tried it out on stage before. I was. It's not like I went to open mics and tried out. I have cancer. So that's the fun is the risk is that it's like, this has to either pay off or I'm going to bomb in front of a sold out venue and then just go away and die quietly. And that'll be my last performance. People will be like, yeah, I was there. It was awkward, but.

[A]

But you're kind of, you're the, the master of the awkward. It's like you, you can kind of just ride that edge in a way that, I don't know, nobody else can. I mean, it's, it's very masterful.

[B]

We have my mother to thank for that. But, yeah, I love awkwardness. I love examining a situation and being like, I don't know what's happening either. Like, let's go in here. So I knew it. You know, like any comedy show, it could go either way. And I really, I didn't know. But I remember at one point I thought, wow, these people are totally with me. And I couldn't believe it. And this guy stood up. I don't know if he stood up. I might be making it more dramatic than it is, but he yelled out and he said, this is fucking incredible. And like yelled like, don't stop. And the whole place erupted into like, yeah. And I was like, oh, my God, like, it's working. And in a weird twist, the producer of Andrea's documentary, Jessica Hargrave, she was the road manager, tour manager of one of Sarah Silverman's bus tours years ago. And Sarah had hired me to open for her. And so I got. That's how I met Jessica. And then when we had so much fun on that tour, we really connected, Jess and I. And so after we got back, she bought tickets to go see me at Largo, but she got sick. And then she told her best friend, who is Ryan, the director, she said, I just hung out with this comedian. She's so funny. You should go see her. I can't make it. Here are my tickets. And he was like, well, I guess I'll just invite all my gay guy friends and we'll go. And that was the night I said I had cancer. He was at that show. So that is like a crazy full circle that happened.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, it's wild.

[A]

That's really serendipitous and bizarre.

[B]

Well, and how funny that Jess is like, oh, my God, she's so funny. Go see her. And then Ryan's sitting there and I'm like, I have cancer. My mother tripped and died and I can't eat food. And my girlfriend and I broke up. Up. Who's with me, girls? So he was truly like, what the hell is happening? And he told his friends, apparently, she's really funny. Yeah.

[A]

So how much. How much is your comedy? How much do you use it as a tool to kind of chew through all of that stuff during that phase? Like, was is. You know how sometimes you hear about artists, they're producing, you know, it's poets, it's songwriters, I imagine comedians. It's like how you're. But some comedians don't necessarily talk about their own stuff or their own real problems. You know, it's observational or whatever. Like, this was so incredibly personal. Is. Had that always been your approach? And is that. Is that a. Like a modality for you to heal?

[B]

I was very much. I mean, I've gone through so many different versions of myself as a comedian. I used to do, like, very just deadpan one liners. I was so nervous to be up there. And then I started telling longer jokes and then stories and just kind of allowed myself to shift because I realized my voice is still in me, like, who I am. So no matter if I do one liners or announce that I have cancer, it's still going to be me. But once, once I did that show at Largo that was so unusual for me because I was normally like, oh, my gosh, this guy came up and said this weird thing to me. And then I break that down and analyze it and whatever. But with this, I had never, ever gone this personal. And it just really cracked me open. I don't even know who I was before 2012. I truly mean that with every fiber of my being that it changed me so, so deeply. But I'm also coming back around in this way of, like, it was so cathartic to be so personal and open. But now I'm also like, I don't have to share everything. I'm not really in that phase of life on that deep of a level that I. Because I can point people to. I wrote a book. I have a stand up special. I have a documentary. I had a TV show about my diagnosis. I have all of these different things that you can access And I have to always remember I need to be happy and having fun on stage and doing what I want to do for the audience to enjoy the show. But it was so therapeutic. And it was so therapeutic for me also as just a person wandering around this planet, because I remember my friend Lake Bell, she brought me home from the hospital and, you know, I didn't have my girlfriend, I didn't have my mother. I didn't have the immediate people that I would have reached out to to help me go through this time. And my two close, other close friends, they were like, well, we're going to stay. I had a loft in downtown Los Angeles, just a one bedroom loft at the time. And they were like, we're going to stay here with you. Because I couldn't lift my arms, I couldn't, I couldn't do anything. And I was like, no, no, no, I, I, I'm, I'm okay, you guys, everybody can go. And they were like, tig, you know, I had to like, drain blood from my incisions. I had, sorry to be graphic, but

[A]

like, no, this is it.

[B]

It was a, I was not in good shape and I was also still struggling to eat. And they were just laughing at me like, what do you, yeah, later. What planet are we just going to be like, okay, cool. She said she's good. All right, let's go. My meter's running out. And, and so it was a real crack open where I started accepting help. And then I also started to realize I want to help other people. I want to be. I, I just, it, whatever, I'm, I'm rambling, but it really woke me up as a comedian, as a person, as a stranger to others, as, as so many a parent, a spouse, a friend. I just, I just am a different person.

[A]

Amazing. I mean, I, I do, I see, I just, I see it, it's, it's such a, it's such a gift when we traverse through these really difficult things. If we, if we let the magic part of the hardest thing do its work. Like, it's just, is life changing? I have so many friends who've gone through similar things and not necessarily all cancer, but there's always, there's always a reckoning. And I think if you come out of the, come out the other side more open, more knowing yourself better, you know, with a softer approach towards yourself and life. It's, it's, it's amazing to see actually, you know, that there are benefits of going through something so hard. I mean, yours was really extra that year. Is that was really.

[B]

It was tough. But it's also like, you know, people come up to me and they're like, I went through this. They're like, but it wasn't as bad as yours. I don't feel that way. I mean, I feel like bad is bad, you know?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Whatever your version is and whatever you have gotten used to in life or haven't gotten used to, I'm not walking around thinking, I went through the worst thing ever. I know I went through a really rough time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, like, also with Andrea, what Andrea would say is, like, don't wait for that kind of diagnosis to start living your life. And what I hope this movie does is act as a replacement for that to. In hopes that you don't have to go through that. But you can see how just. Yeah. Just you don't. It's hard to tell people to wake up when they don't really have a reason to. Or. But. But let this movie be a replacement for a horrible diagnosis. And. But it's.

[A]

It's beautiful.

[B]

It's. It's a. It's. It's. It is so joyful, too. It's. It's the. As Andrea's poem, like, called the Little Things. If you recall, when Andrea's finding that joy and feeding the squirrels and mending a friend's clothing with their grandmother's thimble, you know, and it just. It's so beautiful, and it's such an incredible reminder. And. And their words stay with me and guide me on a daily basis, and. And that's when I'm even cold. Like, shivering cold. I think Andrea would give anything in the world to be as cold as I am right now.

[A]

You know, it reminds me of that poem that they wrote, how the worst day of my life became the best. And actually, there's a line in it where they say by. By night time, I was intimate with the difference between tying my laces and tuning the string section of my shoes. Made a symphony of walking away from everything that did not want my life to sing Felt a love for myself so consistent metronomes tried to copyright my heartbeat.

[B]

Yeah. Beautiful.

[A]

You know, and I'm. I'm also so grateful to you for the documentary because I became such a fan of her poetry through the documentary and in the wake of watching the documentary, you know, and her work is so incredible. Incredible and so resonant and so helpful. It's like when a poem is a good poem, it's like going to church, you know, like, does.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's that I mean, they were so brilliant at just getting right underneath and in and just, you know, like, blowing your soul open.

[B]

Well, I remember when Stephen Colbert, he moderated a panel for the film in New York, and he referenced a line in one of Andrea's poems that says. And it's talking about when Andrea woke up from surgery, and Meg had to tell Andrea some really heavy news. And I don't know if I can quote it perfectly, but the idea is, Andrea says, if people think poetry is frivolous, then they've never had to have somebody tell somebody, tell them unspeakably hard news. Beautifully. Stephen said at the panel, he said, I think that's what this movie does also, is. Is relay that same message so beautifully. And one of my favorite things Andrea would say is, what kind of poet would I be if I could only make life beautiful on the page? And I also think I love that so much. And I also think that's exactly what this movie does, is make life beautiful beyond the page.

[A]

It does. Is Meg okay? After I watched the movie, I kept thinking, man, I hope she's okay.

[B]

Meg is such a freak of nature. It's been so interesting to be on a press tour for this. I mean, I'm used to going on Colbert or, you know, Conan or Drew Barrymore and just doing stupid bits and having fun. And then I show up and I'm, like, crying on Colbert. And I. It's so. And I'm like, also simultaneously perfect promoting this new Star Trek series I've been on. So, like, one interview, I'll be talking about outer space, and the other one, I'm like, oh, and when I was with my friend in their last few days of life, and then I'm crying about poetry and death. But somebody said to Meg, what's it like being on a press tour in the middle of all this grief? And Meg said, oh, am I on a press tour? She said, I didn't even know I was on a press tour. She said. She referenced that idea of a person dies twice. Once when they actually leave their body or this planet, and the second time is when the last person speaks their name. And Meg said, I just feel like I've been having this incredible opportunity to talk about Andrea every day of my life and share their work with everybody. And, in fact, Meg, listen, there's a lot of grief in there, but this is also a tremendous poet and remarkable human being. And when people ask Meg how she's doing with Andrea's death, Meg refers to it as Andrea's alleged passing because

[A]

she

[B]

said that she just feels Andrea in every space of this life and world and planet. And when she goes to bed, she said she asks Andrea to put their arms around her, and she says she feels Andrea and goes right to sleep. But she's. She's. I think, like anybody going through heavy grief, it sneaks up on you in. In ways. Even for myself, doing these talk shows, I've been surprised at the pre interviews when a producer is just asking me questions, and then I've burst into tears, and I'm like, I'm so sorry. When they asked me on Colbert, would you want to read one of Andrea's poems? I immediately started crying. I was not prepared for that question. And I thought I was finally prepared to go on and do it. And Stephen, who normally comes over during the commercial break to just be funny and, you know, connect with me. That day he came. He came over and he just grabbed my hands and looked me in the eyes, and he said, I love you so much. And then my emotions jump back up to here. I sit down, and then he says, do you want to read one of Andrea's poems? And I was like, sure. You know, and then I'm reading it, and I could not finish it, and I ended on, like, swing set. And then I start crying, and. And then. And then I couldn't talk because I was crying. And then the crowd starts clapping. And I was like, no, that's not the end of this poem. And I was so upset. I thought I had, like, botched the mission. And I called Meg right after, and I was like. I was like. I cried on Colbert. And she was like, you know what? The moment she said, first of all, that's exactly what Andrea would have wanted. And she said, second of all, you know the part in the documentary when Andrea says, I feel like my death is going to make my loved ones more of who they are? Meg said, I always hated that because I thought, losing you will never make anything better or anyone better. And I told Meg, I said, I never understood what that even meant. I was like, why? I don't even get it. I'm not smart enough. I don't know what that means. And then Meg said, but you reading Andrea's poem on Colbert and crying was you becoming more of who you are. And so I was. I was a little hard on myself because I wanted everyone to hear Andrea's words. So that was.

[A]

That's incredible. What.

[B]

So that's who Meg is. That's who Meg is. That's how Meg is doing. There is grief. But there is so much depth and joy and love, and she's really remarkable. She's so talented and smart and.

[A]

And quite pragmatic. You know, I mean, I only know her through the. The documentary, but I. I was struck by her pragmatism, by her, you know, real center. You know, I was like, wow, she just seems like a very special person who really knows herself, and she is.

[B]

And. And I think, more than anything, open to getting to know herself even more. And I think that's why these two people made such great documentary subjects, because they are. Ryan said he's never. He's made 15. He and Jess have made 15 documentaries. They are childhood best friends. He said, this is the first film we've made where our subjects never asked us, how are you framing me? What is the story we're telling? They had no questions. And that is solely what I would blame on true artists, trusting true artists. And. And what came out the other side was they did not hold back. They were. They were all in. All in. And they really trusted their director.

[A]

That's extraordinarily brave. But are real artists trusting real artists? I mean, that's. You said it perfectly. Because I think if. When you know you're in good hands, I mean, it's the same thing in a. In a film, when you know you're in good hands, you know that you're free to explore the truth of whatever, and you're not gonna. You don't need to contract and protect yourself, you know?

[B]

No, my gosh. They. That's what. Right. He. He said that he and Jess looked at each other when they first started rolling. Like, can. Like, this is the first. This is again, the dinner scene. That was the first day of production.

[A]

That's crazy. I can't believe that was the first day.

[B]

That was the first day. And he said that every day they shot could have been a full documentary on its own. And Meg has started to release clips on her Instagram that Bernice, the editor, had so thoughtfully and so kind to edit these beautiful clips that didn't make it into the documentary and send as a gift to Meg.

[A]

I want to ask you just briefly about Abby and Glennon, because I adore them. They're friends of mine as well. Abby Wombeck and Glennon Doyle, of course. How did they become involved in the. In the documentary?

[B]

Well, I knew based on the fact that they had interviewed Andrea that they were fans and they were.

[A]

You friends with them at this point?

[B]

Yeah. Not like. I mean, this documentary. We all went in friendly or close on some level. And we came out like family. I mean, beyond. And I always say there's always some weirdo rattling around in a production. That was not the case on this film. It was extraordinary how. How much people really stuck to this has to be led by only love. And that really, really, really was the case. But Glennon and Abby, I just thought they felt like who I should call first because they really were leading with, we're fan. We are big fans of this poet. And I texted them at like 7:30 and I said, hey, I'm working on a. Because Ryan and Jess said we're going to just pay out of pocket until we can find some financial backing. And so I reached out without telling anybody. I just sent them a text and said, I'm working on this project about Andrea Gibson. Would you want to chat about potentially being a part of it? I thought they were going to say, yeah, sure, let's set a call for next week. Or they sent me a zoom link within maybe a minute or two. And I was like, oh, wow, okay. And I got on my computer and I was not expecting people to work as fast as I did. And so I'm on this zoom with them and I tell them what's going on. And I gave them a rough estimate of what I had been told was needed to make the budget was needed for. To make it. And. And they said, oh, my gosh, this is. So, yeah, we're very interested. We need to talk to our accountants and business managers, whoever, and we'll get back to you. And I was like, great. And we get off the zoom. I pride myself on not exaggerating. Gwyneth.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

30 seconds later, I got a text from them. We're in for half a million. And I was like, what? Like, they clearly didn't need to talk to their accountants. They just looked at what should we do, how much, and the fact that I got to call Ryan and Jess and be like, Glennon and Abby are in for half a million. And then it was just game on. And I, I just, you know, obviously I know people with some cash, but. But it's like this. I have to know that you're going to be behind this. This. Yeah. Like, you have to really understand this is again, non binary poet, stage four cancer. Right? Yeah, yeah, it's. I just, I've really. I never at any point felt like there was a bad apple, but I was like, this has to be led with love. This is an old friend in a very tricky, difficult situation. And what was so Beautiful, too, was. The crew was so tiny. So tiny because it was a documentary, but also, you couldn't have a lot of people because this person was so ill and. But even after the film wrapped, the cinematographer, the sound guy, people continued to fly out to go visit Meg and Andrea.

[A]

You're kidding me.

[B]

No, I'm not. That's where, look, I've been on TV shows and films where people are like. And we became a family. And I'm telling you, this was like, this was tight. This was tight.

[A]

Wow. Well, you know, it doesn't surprise me, just having watched it and feeling part of something. I think when you watch this beautiful documentary, you feel brought into it. You feel immediately so close to. Even though, which is so strange, but you feel a part of it. You know, you feel a part of, of Andrea's journey and Meg's journey. And it is so deeply inspiring and moving beyond anything I've really seen recently, I have to say. So just huge congratulations to you, and this Oscar nomination is deserved. I thank you. It's just, it's so extraordinary, and I hope everybody sees it. It's on Apple tv. You can just buy it there or download it there. It's. It's so worth the time.

[B]

Well, I so appreciate, and it just means so much to me. I, I, it of course, means so much when anybody loves the film, but if I know someone personally and they're so moved, it just elevates it beyond, beyond.

[A]

Well, you've made, you've made a significant contribution to culture with it. You know, it's, it's, it's really hard to do, so. Congratulations. Thanks for tuning in. This has been a presentation of Cadence 13 Studios. I hope you'll listen, follow, rate and review all of our episodes, which are available for free on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Odyssey, or wherever you get your podcasts.