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The Grove Podcast
When Faith Meets Fear :: Natalie Grant
00:42:30
In this episode, Shelley Giglio and Natalie Grant unpack what it really means to trust God — not just when life feels steady, but when everything changes. Natalie shares her powerful testimony of walking through a cancer diagnosis that threatened her voice, the deep work of surrender that happened through that process, and how she learned to rest in God’s presence rather than rush through pain. Together, they explore the tension between fear and faith, the beauty of finding God in the middle of the storm, and what it looks like to release control as a mother while watching her daughters step into independence.
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- [00:00]
A
Foreign. Hey, girls, It's Cigna Coleman here, and you are listening to the Grove Podcast. I cannot wait to introduce you to our guest today. Shelly Giglio sits down with the incredible Natalie Grant, a powerhouse vocalist and woman of faith, for a deeply personal conversation about trust, surrender, and the goodness of God. In every season, from walking through a cancer diagnosis that threatened her voice to watching her daughter's step into adulthood, Natalie shares what it looks like to hold on to hope and to believe that God is good even when life does not go according to our plan. So no matter what season you're in today, we hope that this episode reminds you that you can plant yourself deeply in the goodness of Jesus. There's so much here to uncover, so let's listen in.
- [00:58]
B
Hi, Natalie. Hi. Oh, my gosh. So happy I get to see you twice in, like, a month, which is awesome.
- [01:07]
C
I'm so excited.
- [01:08]
B
Same. All right, well, today I just want to talk about a few things, and I just hope, like, we were praying earlier, that people will leave this moment and be encouraged that a somebody walks the same road they walk so they're not alone today. What an encouragement just to know that we're not doing this by ourselves, and then also that people will feel like God is among us, that he is present in our conversation, that he is present in our environments, and that where they are today, whether they're in their car, on a trail, or whatever they're doing and they're listening to the podcast, that they would just respond to God in a way that he is present with them and that they don't have to feel like they're far from him because he promises that he is near to us today. So what a gift. So, Lord, have your way with our conversation. We're trusting you to that end, and I'm grateful that you're part. Natalie, thanks for being a part of this with me and for being a Grove girl from afar.
- [02:08]
C
So grateful. I'm so honored.
- [02:10]
B
I often think back to the time that you and Bernie were here in person and you got to lead us around Christmas. It was so beautiful.
- [02:20]
C
It is.
- [02:22]
B
You have a lot of sweet spots, but that's definitely one of them. Just Bernie playing the piano is a holy moment all by itself.
- [02:31]
C
Honestly, it's like I tell him all the time, you're a worship leader from the piano.
- [02:36]
B
Yeah. He just transports you, I think, right into the presence of God by his playing. And then obviously, you leading us and you're vocal and just all the things. God just was gracious to us that night. So come back sometime. We'd love to have you back.
- [02:50]
C
Please have me. I would love to come.
- [02:53]
B
I love this podcast because we end up just talking about simple things that end up being profound things to women. And I love that about the Word of God. I feel like sometimes we so over complicate things in the Word and we end up getting so deep down into certain things that we miss the general meaning of things and the things that are supposed to bring and give us life. So today, just talking about those things is so encouraging to me, and I think it will be to whoever listens. But I was thinking this morning, when I woke up this morning, the proverb that was on my mind was Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. And that proverb is very familiar to a lot of people. And it says basically, if we trust the Lord, that He will give us the right path for our life. And it tells us that what we can do best in his presence is to bring trust to Him. And I was thinking back about your life, Natalie, and you certainly have had a lot of ups and downs. You've had amazing highs. I think about your beautiful girls and the gift of them to your life. I mean, so many things. Your career has been incredible. Watching God be faithful to you has been incredible. Watching you marry Bernie and have this incredible family. I mean, God has just been so kind, so good. But there have been trials, too, you know, And I think back, like, 2017, I think it was where you were diagnosed with cancer. Scary. Mostly scary. For a lot of reasons. Cancer is just scary. And anyone who just says they're not afraid of it is just not telling the truth.
- [04:23]
C
No, not telling the truth.
- [04:24]
B
Right. Because it is scary.
- [04:26]
C
That word is scary.
- [04:27]
B
I'm sure hearing that word was scary. But then it was thyroid cancer, which is your vocals. It is your livelihood. So talk about those moments of just trusting the Lord, learning to trust him in deeper ways.
- [04:42]
C
Yeah. You know, I love that you mentioned that scripture. One of my twin daughters, Bella, she picked that verse as her, like, life verse. And her. And when you're a senior in high school, you have to pick your life verse.
- [04:54]
B
What a great one.
- [04:55]
C
I was like. And even she said, mom, this is like one of those scriptures that, you know, we've learned, I think is one of the first scriptures I ever memorized. And it can become where it. Like, we put it on a notepad, we put it on a bumper sticker, we put. And it almost becomes a, like, a frivolous little, like, cute thing. And we actually forget how profound and Simple. Like, he gives us a formula right there. Just, like, trust in me and don't lean on your own understanding, but in all your ways, acknowledge me and I'll direct your path. And it's funny because when you actually have to live that, it's. It's actually easier when it's on a bumper sticker. Sure.
- [05:36]
B
I think that's why we make sayings out of a lot of things. It's a simpler thing.
- [05:39]
A
Right.
- [05:40]
C
It's just like, oh, but when you actually have go, wait. I am a type A planner. I like to, like, have my whole thing, and then God just works it out, you know? But when you're actually, like, in the middle of this, I have zero control over this. And you realize actually you have control over basically nothing. We just. We think we have control. So in 2017, I remember, and Shelly, you'll know what this is. But I had been kind of like, my dad had thyroid cancer in 2012. So I kind of. No. Updated that on my medical form. Like, you know when you go in for your annual physical and you're just like, yeah, okay. Oh, let me check this now. And I don't know what it is about my incredible doctor that just saw that I added that and decided just to feel my thyroid a little bit more, you know, intently. And she was like, ah, I think maybe I feel something. So even back in 12 and 13, they were just watching it, but it was always just little, you know, cysts or things that were Benign. And in 2017, this is part where I said, you'll know what this is. I was on my way to the radio conference that happens in Orlando. I think it's called the CMB conference. Right. For those of us in Christian music, it's like our Christian radio conference.
- [07:01]
B
Exactly.
- [07:02]
C
And it's in Orlando. So I decided to take my girls because I'm like, you know what? I'll go sing the thing, but then I'll go to Disney with girls, and
- [07:10]
B
they'll be so happy.
- [07:12]
C
They'll be so excited. And they. They put us at the. What's the hotel where you can see giraffe out your window?
- [07:17]
B
I love it.
- [07:18]
C
Oh, that hotel is amazing. Animal Kingdom Hotel or whatever it is. So I remember standing in the. The area where you're waiting for the elevator, and my girls are looking out the window and freaking out because there's like a zebra or something. And my phone rings, and I'm like, oh, I recognize this number. It's my doctor. I pick it up. They had just done a scan and they said, hey, we're. We're pretty positive you have cancer. And I just remember that moment of standing there, and my girls are like, there's a zebra. And I'm like, so? And I'm like, I was paralyzed in that moment. Bernie was in California on a work trip as well. And so I just. I remember having that moment of I can't show how. Because I don't want to make my kids afraid. I don't want to. So I'm putting on this, like, face. And it's funny because how often do we do that? Yeah, we have. We have to. Right. We have to put on something, right, to cover up how we're feeling. And as women, I. I think that's such an easy thing to do, because whether you're a mom, whether you're single, whether you're. Whatever it is, I always say, if you're a woman, you are the glue for somebody somewhere, because that's the way God wired us. We're just the glue. And all of a sudden, you realize you're holding everybody else together. Meanwhile, you're like, I need to go somewhere and fall apart. Like, what do you mean? I have cancer. I had to go sing that night. So I took my kids to Disney, put on the brave face. My sister flew in, and I remember, like, pulling her aside and saying, please help me. I'm freaking out, and I need you to just be strong with me and for me. And then, of course, got back home and went in, and they said, hey, we know what we see, and we need to take a part of your thyroid out. And the cancer, you know, if anybody's ever had papillary thyroid cancer, I never knew that there was a cancer that you're like, if you had to have cancer, this is maybe the one to choose, because nobody wants cancer ever. But if you have to pick a cancer, they say, you know, like, papillary thyroid cancer, they're going to get out. Like, they're going to go in there and they're going to take it out. But the problem for me is that the cancerous tumor was laying on my vocal nerve. And so they said, hey, that nerve oftentimes in these surgeries becomes paralyzed. And my dad, who'd had the surgery, didn't sing the same way. Like, his voice was affected by the surgery. So I had that to. To look at and weigh on me, right? And then they said, we're going to do our best, but the likelihood that, you know, there's a chance you might never sing again. There's also a chance that your voice won't be the same.
- [10:05]
B
Yeah.
- [10:05]
C
It won't have the same range. It won't have the same strength it's going to take. And I just remember, you know, at some point you can hear this news, and I don't know if anybody listening or watching has faced this, where you get news and it almost is so traumatic in the moment that you don't. It turns to white noise. It's like they're talking, and then all of a sudden it's fuzzy and you're like, I don't even. I can't digest what you're saying to me right now.
- [10:32]
B
Right.
- [10:33]
C
And it was a. It was a terrifying moment of, okay, I have a choice. And what. What am I going to choose? You know, am I going to choose to trust God or am I going to live in the fear? And for me, it was probably a little bit of both.
- [10:51]
B
I think that's reality for a lot of us. You know, I think the fear of. Of what could be is. Is completely paralyzing. But I also think even though we trust the Lord, we do feel that fear. It's. We're not immune to that. And I think your honesty is beautiful because that's where all of us live when we hear any kind of news, not just cancer news, but any kind of news that is different than what we had seen, seen our life going in the direction of. And it's a curveball that we were not prepared for. And I think about you a lot because I think in that moment, you probably decided some things about the way you were gonna walk with God for the rest of your days that you wouldn't probably have done as soon or maybe at all if that hadn't happened. And that's some of the beauty of challenges and hardships. It puts us in different places that we probably wouldn't pick to be in. You know, I wanna go deep with God, but not if it means I'm gonna get a cancer diagnosis. Not if it means that something is gonna happen to one of my children. You know, I would love to be deep with God, but only if everything works according to what I can see feels good. And you didn't have that happen to you. So talk about what surrender really was birthed in you that was unique from what you'd always known.
- [12:16]
C
You know, it's funny because I think it's. We can just come up with these things that we always say that sound so good until we actually have to live them. And I. You know, I spend so Much of my life writing songs with the thought that I. How is this going to impact the person listening to it? How is this going to help the person listening to it? How, when I'm going out, how am I. God use me to meet people where they're at and what they're walking through. And I've spent so much of my life thinking about how it's going to help somebody else that it's. Sometimes, you know, that can sound really heroic. Yeah. Yeah.
- [12:59]
B
It sounds spiritual in so many ways.
- [13:00]
C
Sounds really spiritual. But sometimes it's actually a way of not having to deal with your own stuff.
- [13:06]
A
That's great.
- [13:07]
B
No, that's very helpful. I think it's true.
- [13:11]
C
It can just be a cover. You're like, you. You're just doing all of this stuff for all of these other people, and you're helping others, and yet you're. You're. Oh, you're not tending to your own heart, your own walk with the Lord. And sometimes it actually is just really easier to focus on what I need to do for somebody else and what I actually need to get into the. The. I'm in the pit. And I. You know, it's so funny because there's that scripture that talks about how he pulled me out of the pit, but we have to take a hold of his hand. I think sometimes we expect God to do everything for us. Like, God, okay, will you just rescue me now? Because now I just need. This is hard, and I need you to rescue me out of it. I just need you to get me out. And we. We put. Yes, God is the one that we don't do anything for our salvation. Like, God's done everything for us in order for us to be saved. But we have to say yes. Yes, we have to say yes to him. We have to take a hold of the hand that he's extending. The Bible says that when we take, you know, like, draw near to me and God says, I will draw near to you. That tells me that there's an action on my part.
- [14:22]
B
That's right.
- [14:22]
C
But I have to take a step closer to. God's already here. He doesn't need to do anything more for me, but I have to be willing to take a step closer to him. And that oftentimes comes through hardship. And we can look at scripture and look all through the Bible at these stories of someone's hardship, and it was there that they found God. Like, I'm going to rewind a little bit before my cancer diagnosis. And I remember a lot of people know My story, I struggled with fertility and that I got the miracle of my twins. So then I gave birth to my third daughter with, you know, just. She was just the miracle I never even knew to ask for. I just got pregnant.
- [15:03]
B
So beautiful.
- [15:04]
C
And which is such an incredible miracle. So then when I struggled with postpartum depression after her birth, I was in this moment of, well, wait a second, but this is a miracle. This is a miracle. So if it's a miracle, you can't be depressed about a miracle. Like, and then the guilt of all of that. And so how can I be depressed when God actually gave me this thing I begged for. But now all of a sudden, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I can't be a good mom. I can't get out of bed. I can't. And you're all of a sudden like, well, wait a second. The guilt of the tension of that was overwhelming. And I remember going back to this story of when Jesus meets the disciples on the water. And I think we oftentimes, at least I did when I was a child, I would hear that story of, okay, he just fed the 5,000 and then he's going to stay back on the mountain to pray. And he sends the disciples into that boat. And he said, no, you go to the other side. And also I'm going to stay here and pray. Right? That's the story. And he says, I'm going to meet you over there. And I've often just. We talk about the miracle, like 5,000. Then they're on the water. Then he walks on the water. It's like all these highlights of the story. And I remember God taking me to that story that I'd known since I was a child. And to, to think through, like, why did he stay back? He knew. He knew they were going to get. Go into a storm. Like, he. It wasn't like he didn't know what was coming. He knew it was coming and he sent them alone. Yes. Into the storm, knowing that he was going to meet them there. And I think oftentimes when I. When I now look back on that story and what God taught me in that moment of the tension of I'm depressed and how do I get out of this pit and will you just rescue me out? And I think about when he showed up at the boat and they're afraid and they're freaking out, and when he first showed up, the storm was going, still didn't immediately die down. In fact, he was like standing in the wall on the water in the middle of it, and that, for me, was that reminder of the storm isn't always going to immediately just go away.
- [17:12]
B
Right.
- [17:13]
C
It's not going to immediately cease. It's not going to be like God just he's in the middle of it, he's in the storm with us. And for me, that became an anchor so that when I got to 2017, yes, I was freaking out. Yes, I was afraid. But I was reminded of the anchor that, okay, this is a storm and it's swirling and it's going to be a process. And, yes, maybe he'll heal me instantly and pull me out, but in my experience with God, I just haven't seen him do that in my life. On the regular. I see him work through the process. That makes sense. It's not that I don't believe he can. Yeah, I know he can do that. But I think when I look through scripture, he works through that process best in our lives. When we get to that spot where we're desperate, we're broken, we're in need, and all of a sudden, that scripture, that he's near to the brokenhearted and those who are crushed in spirit becomes so real because we learn more about the God we serve in the storm. Right. Than we ever will when we're on the mountaintop. And that. That became such an anchor for me in the middle of this.
- [18:27]
B
That is so beautiful, Natalie. I'm glad you shared that. About just the tension, I think, between knowing that God is present in our storm and also being in the storm.
- [18:38]
C
Yes.
- [18:39]
B
And I do think we want the escape button. That's our. Yes, that's our best wish. In those moments, I'm gonna push, God's gonna come, and it's all gonna be erased. But I'm with you. In my history, rarely, and on occasion, there have been moments where it's so evident that he just did something instantaneous. And he can always do that. But he also wishes and longs for us to be in a relationship that's deep with him. And you've said it best. The way we get to that point of surrender with him is often through walking through whatever the difficulty is, going through the stuff that we wish we weren't enduring. I mean, I rarely am in the middle of something difficult and thinking, well, this is really blessing me. And I can just feel myself getting stronger. And I just love this. What I'm normally thinking is, God, help, where are you? What is happening? Why are you not coming? Why do I have to be in this? And yet when I look back, when I look back on my life. And this is the stuff we're talking about today. I mean, I could have started with, let's talk about all your gold records and let's talk about all your highlight reels, where you got to play with the symphony and all that stuff would be amazing. And people will be encouraged that God has done that with your life. But what people really wanna know about you, Natalie, and what everyone really wants to hear is how did God come through for you when it wasn't the highlight reel, when nothing was really going according to plan. But in hindsight, when you look back, that's when you say, that's when I was the closest to God I've ever been in my life. And when I was just thinking about your cancer stuff and just the way that God showed up for you through the process, how he did remove the cancer from you, how he did save your vocal cord, how the vocal nerve was not damaged in a way that your voice. I mean, I listened to you sing recently. I was at conference with you. You do not have vocal damage in Jesus name.
- [20:43]
A
It is a no.
- [20:43]
C
Thank you, Laura. You're good. Good. You're good.
- [20:47]
B
I mean, incredible. Just so moving. And I mean, more than chill bumps, actually, just spirit stirring stuff.
- [20:58]
C
You mentioned looking back, and it's funny because I was just thinking about one of the reasons I think I identify with the writer of the psalms so much is because he's an emotional basket game.
- [21:11]
B
A lot of ups and downs.
- [21:13]
C
It's so like, God, you are great. Your mercy endures forever. Why have you forsaken me?
- [21:21]
B
Where are you?
- [21:22]
C
And I'm like, I so get you. I so get.
- [21:26]
B
And I think it's helpful to all of us because we also get it. Yes.
- [21:30]
C
We see it. Right? And in Psalm 77, it's. It's that one of those moments of, like, God, where are you? Have you, you know, have you slammed the door on your goodness and your kindness to me? Because it's. It feels like it. Like it feels like you're absent.
- [21:48]
B
Yes.
- [21:49]
C
And then there's that word that I love so much, that Salah word that you know is rest. It's a musical term, right? So it just means to rest. But that. There's another translation that I love that said it means to pause in his presence. And I remember when I was freaking out because I thought I may never sing again. And, you know, I don't know about you, but I think all of us sometimes can take on the idea of what we do. And for me, I had spent so Many years saying what was the right thing to say because it sounded good. I'm not a. Singing is not who I am. It's just what I do. Like, I know my identity. Until they said, you may never sing again. But I was like, I don't know.
- [22:37]
B
I'm kind of confused.
- [22:38]
C
It's totally who I am. It's who I am. I lied. It's only me.
- [22:43]
B
I mean, this is so helpful, though, because it's true, right?
- [22:47]
C
It's like you. Until you're faced with it, and then you're like, okay, wait, I've. I've actually got to get honest. And I think that's one of the things, like, you know, getting honest with God, like, that is such a key ingredient of just whether for me it's. I can sit here and just. I talk to him like he's in the room. And for some of you that are listening, that are like that, I can't do that. You can actually and make. Get alone where there's nobody else. Nobody. You don't feel like anyone's going to be listening or watching and just start talking to God like he's in the room and get honest with him. Because all of a sudden, when you're honest, then you take a moment and when you pause. And I remember that moment so specifically in this journey of like, I actually have to take a moment and pause. I have to read the Word over myself out loud. And then I have to just sit. I can't go to everybody. I think sometimes friends are awesome, community is imperative. But sometimes it becomes so that is our relationship is lived through, our community, that we don't know how to be alone with God. And. And I knew in this moment I didn't need to keep going to my pastors and my friends and my family and all the people. I needed to pray for me and hold me up. I actually needed to get along with God.
- [24:09]
B
Yes.
- [24:10]
C
And that pausing and resting and being with Him. Then all of a sudden in Psalm 77, where the writer's like, have you failed me? Forgotten about me, Deserted me? Selah, I'm pausing in his presence. I'm taking a moment, I'm remembering who he is. And then all of a sudden, you see the shift in scripture. He starts going, oh, but I remember when you showed up for me in the midnight hour. I remember when you. You were faithful, when you were good. I actually, I have history with you. I can look back and see how good you are. And I remember moment for me, that shift of, like, God, if my Voice isn't what it used to be. You're still good. Like my outcome. The outcome of this, Whether you answer the way I asked you to or not, my outcome does not determine your goodness. And there's something that happened in. In me, Shelly. I. I can tell you that I know it's a miracle and that my voice didn't just come back. It came back stronger. Like, I. I actually can't. I can't explain it to you. I remember my pastor, Pastor Henry, praying over me two days before my surgery, and he said, I'm just going to pray that. That the same way that the surgeon has to use precision when he uses his scalpel, that God's going to bring your voice back with a precision. It's never known how beautiful. And I remember the first time I sang my friend, a house engineer, who was not in the moment that that prayer was prayed, and he came up to me and he said, I can't explain it, but your voice has a precision it's like never had before. And I was like, wait, did you just say precision? I'm like, God, you are so good. So I know that's a miracle. I know.
- [25:56]
B
Yeah.
- [25:56]
C
But honestly, for me, that was just a blessing, too. Like, he didn't have to do that.
- [26:01]
B
He.
- [26:02]
C
He chose to do that. And so it's kind of like that moment to whom much is given, much is required. Okay, God. So the rest of my days, I will use this voice. Voice to lift. I will. I will serve your church. I will. So there was an. A reignited passion in me to do that. But that, for me, was not really the greatest miracle. I mean, it was a blessing. But for me, the greatest miracle actually came when I had a resolve in my spirit that, God, you are good. If I don't get the miracle, you are good. If. If this doesn't go the way I want it, you are good. And to know that I could say that with a confidence and a sincerity and an authenticity before I ever knew what the answer was going to be.
- [26:47]
B
So great.
- [26:48]
C
That was a miracle.
- [26:49]
B
And that can never be taken from you. I mean, that is so foundational. Yeah, that will. That's a forever thing, and it's locked in. And certainly your life isn't done. And so you'll have a lot more things that come at you. I mean, we all will. But when we know that. We know that, we know that God is good and that he truly has a hold of our hand and is truly leading us down paths of righteousness and goodness, he does not Want anything that is not good for us. And the hard stuff is still the good stuff. And for whatever reason, we've dissected the two things and said they can never live together. If it's good, it can't be hard. And God says, good and hard is the same.
- [27:35]
C
To me, yes, the hard stuff is still a good stuff. It's a good line.
- [27:39]
B
It's the good stuff. It's still the good stuff, so praise God for it. Talk. You've had some new challenges. Let's talk about for a second, your two girls going to college. And I'm not trying to make you cry, because I know that it's not as easy as, yeah, I raised them to do this, and now we're gonna launch them out. It's gonna be amazing. It's like, why do I fill this hole in me? I think a lot of people are in your moment where they've certainly poured everything they have into their kids and they have prepared them as best they know how to be in this moment where they're becoming more independent, but it's also breaking their heart to see their kids move on into a stage of life that doesn't include them in every moment.
- [28:23]
C
Moment, yes.
- [28:24]
B
So talk about that. Just transition and. And how God is being near to you in it.
- [28:30]
C
You know, I. When you're pregnant, everybody has all the books and the advice. There's, like, what to expect when you're expecting, how to get on a sleep schedule, how to. Like, everyone's got all. Nobody prepares parents for this moment. Like, nobody gave me the book. Can they, though, when they walk away? No, there's no preparing you for this. Like, this. It was hard. And I. You know, I think that talking about identity, it's funny because it became this moment of, like, wait, but mom was a big part of my identity. And not just I'm still Mom, but mom in the way I was Mommy,
- [29:09]
B
which was, yeah, a part I was comfortable with, that way of Mommy.
- [29:13]
C
I liked that mommy a lot. And I loved our togetherness. And then I think that. That you also start going through. You know, we all have our different life experience. For me, they were coming with me. I was with them. I was present. But there were also nannies, and I was also on the road, also missed a lot of things. And I think I was going through this process of, was I there enough? Did I do enough? Wait, like, did I. But what about the times I wasn't home and I didn't get to tuck them in? And do they remember how much I Love them. And I. I really have been going through that mom guilt feeling of, you know, and then there's just the. The death of a season like that. The way that, you know, we were family dinner people. Like, when we were home, we sat around a table because it was just a time we could connect. And now all of a sudden, losing two at one time, it's just like. It's quiet and, you know, it's been a grieving process for sure. And the letting go and the. You guys, there's life 360, and you don't understand. Like, you can actually decide. You have to, moms. You have to make a decision. And I'm right there trying to make this decision. Do I check Life360 right now? Do I see where they are or do I not? Because they don't have to tell me where they are all the time. They don't have to. But now all of a sudden, I'm like, but. But why are they there? Have they been there for two hours? Are they going back? And it's just this actual learning how to let go of which for me is. I'm still in process.
- [30:47]
B
I love that you said in the very beginning, though we talked in the very beginning of the podcast about how this might have been off podcast, we might not have been on yet, but just how we always think we're in control, but we're not actually in control at all. I mean, the reality is, it's just fabricated. We're not in control. And I think that applies here. I mean, I feel like with your kids, I feel like a. Every mom has regret. They have. They have things they wish they had done differently. I mean, I talked to my mom today. She's almost 89 years old. She is as precious as they come, and she's still apologizing. Did I ever tell you about the time I just wanted to tell you I was sorry. I was like, Mom, I'm 61 years old.
- [31:30]
C
We're good.
- [31:31]
B
Like, everything's fine. But, you know, as a mom, you're never not feeling that. I wish this had done different, or maybe I could have done this better, or what if I had been more present? I just think that stays with you for a lifetime. But I do think for you, the realization that as much as God had given you the stewardship of your girls, and obviously Sadie's still at home and you still have that. Thank you, Lord.
- [31:59]
C
Thank you, Lord. For our years.
- [32:00]
B
Yes. But also that you weren't actually in control at all and that God was Giving you stewardship over something, but not ownership.
- [32:11]
C
Exactly. They're not. They really were never mine. They were just given to me on loan to raise, to pour into. That's right, to pray for. And I think even just knowing, like, it's the circle of life is so crazy because, you know, it's like I've watched how my parents have, and they're, you know, by the grace of God, they're still living, so they're still praying for me and pouring in. But then you carry. I remember how my dad talks about how his parents prayed for him and prayed for me and that picking up that mantle of like, okay, you maybe can't do this and you can't do that, but you. You actually have a call to pray for them like never before. And I think understanding, like, okay, it's just a new role, man. I'm. Right now I'm hearing myself talk like, I've got this thing figured out. I'm actually laughing at myself.
- [32:58]
B
I like that you're talking yourself through it. That's the way I see it. Like, you know what I'm going to tell you is the things I need to hear.
- [33:05]
C
That's what I'm going to get off the. And cry all over again and freak out all over again. And tonight, should I look at my 360? Should I not?
- [33:14]
B
No.
- [33:14]
C
I'm gonna be so torn.
- [33:17]
B
I love it so much. Well, you know, the more they thrive and they will thrive, the more you'll know you did as good of a job as you could have done. And I think the cool thing about your kids leaving, and I can remember this even personally for me, I went to college in the place first. First thing I thought was, I'm independent. I get to do whatever I want. And about halfway through the first semester, maybe partway through the second semester, I realized what I had was so good and I started calling back. Just like your daughter was calling earlier to just say, mom, you are my best friend. And I didn't know how good I actually had it until I was apart from you.
- [34:00]
C
Yes.
- [34:02]
B
The same realization that you're having and the same anxiety and separation that you're feeling from your girls, they're also experiencing for the first time of I'm supposed to know how to do this by myself, but I don't know how to do any of this.
- [34:14]
C
You know, it's funny you're saying that, because I don't know for any mom that's listening that actually has a child right now that's left home for the first time, I just got just the coolest piece of advice from somebody who's in. In, like, a director of a university. And they said, you know, we see this with college freshmen all the time. They're so excited when they get here. They're like, so ready, kind of what you said. So they're so like, I've got this freedom, and I'm an adult. And then they said, usually about halfway through October to the end of October, it's like about two to two and a half months in. They all of a sudden it wears off, and they get incredibly hard homesick. And that happened with one of my twin girls that went to Florida. She all of a sudden was like, confident. Like, this is where God's called me. I'm so ready. And she was so excited to do all the things. And then she's like, mom, I want to come home. Like, I. I want to come home. And that was an interesting moment in my parenting journey because I wanted to send the moving truck.
- [35:12]
B
I was like, okay, we're coming to get you.
- [35:15]
C
You want to come home? Absolutely. And then you. You have a choice to make where it's like, right, okay, wait, wait, wait. Do you want to just give in, or do you now have to be like, even though I don't feel this inside, I'm going to encourage you. That is, we did pray. We did get an answer. This is where God was leading you. And my. This. This person told me that there's a W, and that when. When a child is feeling that way, they're at the bottom of the wow. So just encourage them that they're there. But the W starts to. To go back up. And I was like, okay, wait. That's really helpful to me and helpful to her to be able to say, honey, you're just. And guess what? In the second half of the freshman year, there's the second drop. You'll have a drop, but then the W has to go back up. And that was such a visual. I'm a visual person. And that was so visual to me. To be like, okay, wait a second. She's just on this first little drop of the W, but she's going to be on her way back up. And I think. Think just even knowing that and going, okay, how do I help her on the way back up to encourage her even when I'm not feeling it and I want to bring her home is like, yeah, but you know what? God has you there, and he. What he's going to do and you there. I really do believe he's going to do something to her there that, that wouldn't have been the same had she stayed.
- [36:26]
B
That's right.
- [36:27]
C
You just.
- [36:28]
B
And when you think about your parents doing that for you, it does make it better. And your parents are still doing that for you.
- [36:34]
C
Yes.
- [36:35]
B
You know, I know you live far from home and I live far from home. And I know my parents preference would have been for me to be with them. Oh, yes, that's definitely their preference. Not that you live halfway across the world, but that you actually would live next door, next door, nearby. That we would be together and we actually were a family who enjoyed it so much that I could see that being my life. But they instead, my parents have chosen to champion me. Me. And to say that God's calling on your life is greater than my preference.
- [37:07]
C
Yes.
- [37:07]
B
And I actually want to send you and pray you toward what he has for your life more than I want to keep you under my care.
- [37:15]
C
Yes.
- [37:16]
B
And that changed my life. When I look at the fruit of my life, I know that. I know that my parents have chosen the outcome by releasing me into the hands of God.
- [37:35]
C
Yeah.
- [37:36]
B
And they didn't just release me and say, well, have it your way. They release me with great prayer and with intentionality and with them dying to their self every day to lose their own preference so that God's kingdom could be advanced. So I needed that.
- [37:56]
C
I needed that.
- [37:58]
B
So when you look at them, that's what you're doing for them. And it doesn't feel good. It can't feel good all the time, but it is game changing for them. And when I look at my life today, and I know that, I know that, I know that I wouldn't have a church in Atlanta. We wouldn't have a conference that's almost 30 years old. We wouldn't have any of the things that we look back on and thank God for. If my parents hadn't been willing to send me not just to say, you can go, but to actually empower me to go into the will of God. So let's pray that today that we become more of that.
- [38:39]
C
Yes.
- [38:40]
B
And I don't have my own kids to do it for, but I want to do it for the people younger than me. All day long I want to say to them, hey, if I want to be a champion of you, obeying God above every other thing, and I want to champion you in it and I want to believe in you and pray for you in a way that God is going to use you to change this world. And so I pray that today over your girls. And I think it would be beautiful if you're up for it, you could catch your breath just for you to pray over the woman listening today, that maybe you're in the same circumstance and that you can just relate to, but you can also just ask God to bring a breakthrough.
- [39:14]
C
God, we just. We pause for a moment. We actually take just a little salah moment. We just pause in your presence right now, God, and we. We thank you that you are who you say you are, that even when we don't feel it, that you are not defined by our feelings, but that you are God who is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And we thank you that we can have that anchor of your hope, your grace, of your mercy, of your love, of your kindness, of your goodness, of your faithfulness in our lives. And so we do just pause a moment and we say thank you for that, God, and thank you that you are near to the brokenhearted and near to those who are crushed in spirit. And right now, for every woman who is listening and watching God, that feels just weary and alone, and they're grieving something, or they're. They're learning how to let go of something, or they're learning how to trust you in a. In a deeper and more profound way. God, thank you that even now you are near. Thank you that even in this moment, I believe that women, even right here, right now, are sensing your presence. They're sensing the nearness of God. And we thank you, God, that you. You make yourself available to us in that way. So for every heart that is weary, every heart that is alone, every heart that needs a dose of hope, God, we thank you that when we read your scripture, it isn't just we don't hype ourselves up. We hope ourselves up that you deposit hope in our spirit because of your word and because of who you are. So, God, I just. I just thank you that you are true to your character and to your nature. And I pray encouragement over every woman, over every mom, over every person that is a glue for somebody in every situation. God, I pray that as they're tending to everybody else, that in this moment, you would tend to their heart, tend to their mind, tend to their spirit. In the name of Jesus, I pray Amen.
- [41:30]
A
What is powerful reminder that even in our storms, God is not distant. He is present in the middle of it, working through the process and drawing us closer to his heart. We are so grateful to Natalie for her honesty, her strength, and the way she continues to use her voice, both literally and spiritually to point us back to Jesus. If this conversation encouraged you, and we really hope it did, share it with a friend who might need a little hope today. You can keep up with Natalie on Instagram Natalie Grant and if you want to stay up to date on all things the Grove, join us online@thegroveonline.com or follow along on Instagram at pccthegrove. We are so glad you leaned into this conversation with us today. Thank you for listening to the Grove podcast. We'll see you next time. Time.