The cries of “That’s mine!” can wear down even the most patient parent, but sibling rivalry is more than noise, it’s practice for life. One day, when my kids fought over a pillow, I resisted stepping in with a solution. Instead, I asked, “You both want it. How can we figure this out?” They surprised me by negotiating a turn-taking plan themselves.

Moments like these turn conflict into lessons in empathy, patience, and problem-solving—skills that will shape their relationships for years to come.

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When tensions have melted and kids are in a state of openness then discuss the situation, provide praise and recognition for the difficulties and resolutions, and talk about obstacles to expect in the future. My favorite time to do this is when we’re reading a book before going to bed or in the car.
Here are some other good resources for managing sibling rivalry:
- How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes by Melinda Wenner Moyer
- How to Talk So Kids Will Listen… by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
- No-Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel M.D. & Tina Payne Bryson
- The Better Behavior Show with Dr. Nicole Beurkens (podcast)
- A List of My Favorite Books of All Time (Parenting and Otherwise)

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