Podcast
The Happiest Lives Podcast
Hosted by Jill M. Lillard · EN
The Happiest Lives was designed for Christian women who want to stop being disappointed in their relationships and feel more loved and loving. Here you will learn to think better, feel better, and love better.
This podcast is hosted by Jill M. Lillard, MA LPC, a licensed counselor and Gottman Certified Couples Therapist. Jill has been helping people manage their minds, process their feelings, and have better relationships for over 25 years.
For application exercises and support in applying the concepts learned on the podcasts, get your FREE podcast guide www.myhappyvault.com/podcast
Learn more at www.thehappiestlives.com
Discover tools at www.myhappyvault.com.
Contact Jill at jill@thehappiestlives.com.
38episodes
Episodes
Newest firstAll episodes
E157: Stop Trying To Act Spiritual
6d ago00:31:11Tap to summarizeWhat does it mean to abide in God when your quiet time feels empty and your spiritual life feels flat?You’ve been showing up — reading your Bible, praying, doing all the things — and something still feels off. This episode is about what’s actually happening when that occurs. Not what you’re doing wrong. What’s actually going on. We go deep into John 15 to unpack what Jesus actually meant when he said remain in me — why the fruit that grows from genuine abiding was never meant to just feed you, and what it looks like to stay when everything in you wants to fix the flatness or conclude that God is gone.Abiding is not a feeling you achieve. It’s a posture you return to.In This Episode•Why doing all the right spiritual things can still leave you feeling completely disconnected•What John 15 actually says about dependence, pruning, joy, and friendship with God•Why reading God’s word alone doesn’t produce transformation — and what has to be added•How the fruit of abiding flows outward and feeds others not just yourself•Why hormonal shifts can affect your spiritual life in ways nobody warned you aboutKey Takeaways•Chase the feeling and you end up performing. Stay in the posture and the fruit takes care of itself•The Word has to abide in you — not just pass through you•Grace positions you in the vine. Faith keeps you there. The fruit grows as the overflow of both•The flatness in your quiet time might be the Father pruning — not evidence that something is wrong•The fruit you bear isn’t yours. It’s Christ’s life flowing through a branch that stayed connectedSeries NoteEpisode two of the Simply Remain series. Start with episode 156 or jump in here — either works.ResourcesSong: Abide by Dwell MusicThe True Vine by Andrew MurrayKeywords•How to abide in God•Spiritual disciplines and faith•Feeling disconnected from God•John 15 abiding in Christ•Perimenopause and spiritual life•Andrew Murray abiding in ChristIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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E156: Simply Remain
2w ago00:24:36Tap to summarizeAre you exhausted from chasing outcomes that never quite deliver the peace you’re after?Underneath every goal is a feeling — security, love, peace, worthiness. And that feeling is already available to you through abiding in Christ, not through achieving. In this episode Jill opens a new series called Simply Remain, anchored in John 15 and Andrew Murray’s The True Vine. She names the works of the flesh we don’t recognize because they look like diligence, introduces the idea of hard moments as portals into faith rather than detours around it, and shows what remaining actually looks like in a real moment of grief and loneliness.In This Episode•Why the fruit of the Spirit is not a to-do list•How to trace any outcome back to the feeling underneath it•The works of the flesh that look like virtue but quietly deplete you•What remaining in Christ looks like in a real hard moment•Why your hardest circumstances are doorways into abidingKey Takeaways•You’re chasing the feeling underneath the outcome — and it’s already available through abiding•The branch has one job: to stay•Striving and controlling are works of the flesh — they never deliver what they promise•Your hard moments are portals, not interruptionsSeries NoteEpisode 1 of the Simply Remain series, based on John 15 and Andrew Murray’s The True Vine.Keywords•Abiding in Christ•John 15 vine and branches•Fruit of the Spirit•Christian podcast for women•Overcoming striving and perfectionism•Spiritual growth for womenIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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155: What Church Hurt Is Forming in You- David and Absalom
3w ago00:22:18Tap to summarizeHow do I stop letting church hurt define me?You’ve probably spent a lot of time thinking about what happened. Who was wrong. What should have been done differently. And honestly, you’re probably right about most of it. But here’s the question that doesn’t get asked enough: what is the experience forming in you? Not just what happened — but who are you becoming while you’re processing it?In this final episode of the church hurt series, Jill walks through the story of Absalom from 2 Samuel 13 — a man who witnessed a serious injustice, watched it go unaddressed, and carried it in silence for two years. What happened next is one of the most sobering pictures in Scripture of what unprocessed pain can do in a person’s life. Not because he was wrong about what happened. But because being right didn’t protect him.This episode isn’t about minimizing what was done to you or rushing to forgiveness before you’re ready. It’s about keeping your eyes on Jesus in the middle of it — doing what’s yours to do, releasing what isn’t, and trusting God with the rest.In This Episode•Why being right about what happened doesn’t automatically protect you from what carrying it does to you over time•The story of Absalom, Tamar, and David from 2 Samuel 13 — and what it shows us about unprocessed pain•The difference between processing your hurt and just circulating it•Why stuffing it down doesn’t work — and what to do instead•How to identify what’s actually yours to do and how to surrender the rest to the Lord•Practical steps for moving forward without losing Jesus in the processKey Takeaways•Seeing something clearly doesn’t make you free of it — freedom requires bringing it to the Lord•Silence is not neutral. What you carry without addressing will eventually move in a direction you didn’t choose•There’s a difference between processing pain and recycling it — and one leads somewhere, the other doesn’t•You can do what’s yours to do and trust God with the outcome, even when the outcome isn’t what you wanted•The goal isn’t to minimize what happened — it’s to make sure your heart doesn’t become the bigger problemSeries Note:This is episode 4 of a 4-part series on church hurt. You can start here or go back to the beginning — each episode stands on its own.Keywords:church hurt healing, Christian women faith, how to forgive church hurt, processing spiritual pain, church trauma recovery, emotional health faithIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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154: Why You Can‘t Let It Go (especially when its church)
4w ago00:38:12Tap to summarizeHave you ever left a church situation feeling like you couldn’t quite shake it — even after time passed?In this episode, Jill sits down with a panel of three women who have all experienced some form of church hurt. But this conversation isn’t about who was right or wrong. It’s about what was happening inside them — the grief, the rejection, the slow shift from hurt to resentment — and what it actually took to process it without becoming someone they didn’t want to be.These women are honest. One stayed at her church. One left. One was in leadership when everything fell apart. Their stories are different, but the inner work they each had to do looks more similar than you’d expect. If you’ve ever sat in a church pew watching someone through narrowed eyes, replaying a conversation you can’t let go of, or felt like you left a church but carried it with you anyway — this episode is for you.In This Episode • What it looks like when hurt quietly shifts into seeing someone as an adversary • How three women processed church hurt in very different circumstances • Why staying and leaving can both leave things unresolved • What it means to reconcile your own heart when the other party won’t • The role of community, counseling, and intentional inner work in healing • How church hurt can shape the way you trust, lead, and show up — without you realizing itKey Takeaways • You can leave a church without leaving the experience — healing requires intentional work either way • Forgiveness is a choice that doesn’t require an apology to begin • The question isn’t just what happened to you, but who you’re becoming as a result • Processing hurt in community — not alone — makes a real difference • The pain doesn’t have to write your story; God can redeem it if you let himSeries Note: This is part 3 of the Church Hurt series. Next week, the series closes with a look at the story of David and Absalom — and what it reveals about what happens when pain goes unprocessed.Keywords: church hurt healing, Christian women podcast, processing church trauma, forgiveness in the church, emotional health faith, leaving a church, church conflict recoveryIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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E153: Your Pastor Is Human
Jun 1200:23:05Tap to summarizeHave you ever been in a church situation where something felt off, raised it, and had it go nowhere — and now you’re trying to understand why?You can’t have an honest conversation about church hurt without looking at leadership. The structure around leaders and the humanity inside them shapes everything. In this episode Jill starts with something that sounds obvious but rarely gets said honestly — pastors are human. Fully, vulnerably human. And when that reality doesn’t have the right support around it, things drift. Slowly. In ways nobody sees coming.Jill walks through what church structure was actually designed to look like, what Scripture says about accountability in leadership, and what the story of Saul teaches us about how good people with real callings end up somewhere nobody intended.In This Episode•Why leadership is lonely in ways most congregations never see•What the New Testament actually says about church structure and accountability•How gradual drift happens — and why it’s harder to catch than outright failure•Why the contrast between Saul and David is the most important part of the story•What “if you don’t choose humility you will be humbled” looks like in real lifeKey Takeaways•The structure around a leader exists to protect them — not limit them•Drift looks like a series of small reasonable decisions until suddenly it doesn’t•Scripture cares more about what happens after failure than whether failure happened•Anointed doesn’t mean infallibleSeries NotePart 2 of the Church Hurt series.Keywordschurch hurt, pastor leadership, church accountability, spiritual drift, toxic church, Christian leadershipIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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E152: Why Church Hurt Is So Hard to Talk About
Jun 500:26:04Tap to summarizeWhy is church hurt so hard to sort through—even when you’re trying to approach it thoughtfully?In this episode, Jill begins a new series exploring the complexity of disappointment and tension within church communities. Not every situation is clear-cut. Sometimes something feels off, but there isn’t full agreement on what’s right or wrong—and that’s where it becomes difficult to process.Rather than rushing to conclusions, this episode slows things down and looks at what may be happening underneath the experience. Jill walks through why these situations feel heavier than other types of conflict, why it’s hard to talk about concerns without feeling like you’re causing division, and how quickly our interpretations can start to shape what we believe is true.This episode isn’t about assigning blame or figuring out who’s right. It’s about understanding the layers—so you can respond with more clarity, humility, and steadiness.In This Episode:Why church experiences often carry more emotional and spiritual weightThe tension between wanting to be careful and needing to process something that doesn’t sit rightHow internal processing can shift into certainty without realizing itWhy these situations are rarely as simple as they first appearThe layers involved: leadership, culture, interpretation, and your own internal responseKey Takeaways:Church hurt often feels heavier because it involves trust, belonging, and shared faithNot every situation is clear—many involve differing perspectives rather than obvious right and wrongIt’s possible to move too quickly toward silence or certainty without fully understanding what’s happeningSlowing down your thinking creates space for clarity and wisdomYou don’t have to resolve everything immediately to begin moving forward thoughtfullySeries Note:This episode is part of a four-part series on church hurt. In the coming weeks, we’ll look more closely at leadership, hear from women who have walked through these experiences, and explore how to process what’s happening in your own heart.Keywords:church hurt, Christian relationships, church conflict, spiritual discernment, emotional processing, Christian growth, navigating disappointment, faith and relationships, church leadership, Christian mindsetIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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BONUS EPISODE : Why You Feel So Divided
May 2900:18:29Tap to summarizeWhy do so many Christian women feel emotionally exhausted, internally divided, and disconnected from themselves even when they deeply love God?In this surprise standalone episode, Jill talks about the tension many Christian women quietly carry every day — knowing the truth while still feeling anxious, reactive, overwhelmed, shut down, lonely, or emotionally scattered inside. Many women have learned to either get stuck in their emotions or disconnect from them completely and perform faithfulness while exhausted underneath it all.This episode explores what Scripture means when it calls us to love God with our whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. Jill talks about emotional honesty, compartmentalization, authentic Christian community, and what it looks like to bring your mind, emotions, and will before God in a more integrated and wholehearted way. She also shares the deeper vision behind her upcoming Wholehearted workshop.In This Episode• Why many Christian women feel internally divided• The two emotional ditches women often fall into• Why emotions are not the enemy• What Scripture means by wholehearted living• How compartmentalization impacts emotional and spiritual health• Why shared language and authentic community matterKey Takeaways• Spiritual maturity is not about becoming less emotional• Many women are exhausted from performing faithfulness while disconnected internally• Emotions can become invitations to awareness, surrender, and growth• Wholehearted living means bringing your mind, emotions, and will before God honestly• Healing and growth often happen more deeply in honest communitySeries NoteThis is a standalone bonus episode outside Jill’s normal monthly podcast series schedule.Keywords• Christian emotional health• Christian women and emotions• wholehearted living• faith and feelings• emotional healing for Christian women• Christian personal growthIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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E151: Boundaries, Letting Go, and Becoming Friends With Your Adult Children
May 2200:22:35Tap to summarizeHow do you maintain a close relationship with your adult children while still setting healthy boundaries?In Episode 151 Jill Lillard explores one of the biggest transitions parents face as their children grow up. Parenting doesn’t end when kids become adults, but the relationship does change. That shift often raises new questions about expectations, responsibility, and how to stay connected without trying to control.In this final episode of the Adult Children series, Jill reflects on what healthy closeness can look like in this stage of life. She talks about boundaries when adult children still live at home, how parents think about financial support, and the quiet process of letting go of earlier parenting roles. Jill also shares personal reflections about family traditions and the example her own parents set for raising adult children well.In This Episode• What expectations are reasonable when adult children still live at home• How to balance increased independence with responsibility• Questions parents wrestle with about financial help and support• Why shared traditions can strengthen connection with adult children• How the relationship shifts from authority toward mutual respectKey Takeaways• Parenting changes when children become adults, but the relationship can remain deeply meaningful.• Boundaries help adult relationships stay healthy and respectful.• Letting go often happens through small decisions over time.• Simple traditions and shared experiences help maintain connection.• Friendship can grow alongside the parent-child relationship.Series NoteThis episode concludes the Adult Children series on The Happiest Lives Podcast.There will not be a new episode next week since it’s the fifth week of the month. A brand new series will begin the following week.Keywordsparenting adult children, boundaries with adult children, relationship with adult children, letting go as a parent, adult children living at home, family boundariesIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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E150: Parent to Child to Adult-to-Adult: Changing the Relationship
May 1500:22:10Tap to summarizeWhy does the relationship with your adult children sometimes feel tense or unclear?Many parents expect the relationship with their kids to stay mostly the same as they grow up. But adulthood changes the structure. What worked when they were younger no longer fits the same way.In this episode of The Happiest Lives Podcast, Jill Lillard walks through the natural shift that happens between parents and adult children. Instead of one lifelong dynamic, the relationship moves through stages as roles change and responsibility transfers.Jill explains the transition from parent-to-child to adult-to-adult, including the in-between season often called emerging adulthood—a stage where both parents and young adults are learning how to relate in a new way. She also shares practical ways to stay connected without overstepping or trying to manage your child’s decisions.In This Episode• Why the parent-child structure was always meant to change• What “emerging adulthood” is and why it can feel unsettled• How parents can shift from directing to mentoring• Why influence often increases when control decreases• Simple ways to stay connected without managing your adult child’s lifeKey Takeaways• The relationship with your child is designed to evolve• The “figuring-it-out” stage is normal for both parents and young adults• Letting go of control often strengthens connection• Respect and trust build a healthier adult-to-adult relationship• You can stay close without taking over responsibilitySeries NoteThis is Episode 3 in the series “Letting Your Adult Children Grow Up.”Keywordsparenting adult children, relationships with adult children, emerging adulthood, boundaries with adult children, Christian parenting, family relationshipsIf you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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E149: The Expectations You Have for Your Adult Children
May 800:23:30Tap to summarizeHave you ever wondered why relationships with adult children can suddenly feel tense—even when everyone cares about each other?Often, the conflict isn’t actually about behavior. It’s about expectations.Parents carry expectations about communication, holidays, faith, values, and the kind of relationship they imagined having with their children once they were grown. When those expectations go unspoken, disappointment can quietly turn into pressure.In this episode, Jill Lillard explores how expectations shape relationships with adult children and why they sometimes create distance instead of connection. She also talks about the grief many parents experience as their parenting role changes and how learning to release certain expectations can open the door to a new kind of relationship.In This Episode• Why many conflicts with adult children are actually about expectations• How expectations quietly turn into pressure in family relationships• The difference between something that is wrong and something that is simply different• How parents can stay clear about their values without damaging the relationship• The grief that often sits underneath unmet expectationsKey Takeaways• Expectations often shape our reactions more than our children’s behavior• Pressure rarely produces closeness or influence• Some differences are simply generational or personal, not moral issues• Grieving the loss of a parenting role can be part of this life stage• Letting go of certain expectations can create space for a deeper adult-to-adult relationshipSeries NoteThis episode is the second installment in the Letting Your Adult Children Grow Up series, where Jill explores how parents can navigate the transition from raising children to relating to them as adults.If you want to take this work and apply it, visit myhappyvault.com. That’s where I share free resources and ways to stay connected.Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.comQuestions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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