The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Episode: Reset Your Relationship with Stress (for National Stress Awareness Day)

Release Date: November 5, 2025

Overview: Rethinking Stress for a Happier Life

In this special episode of The Happiness Lab for National Stress Awareness Day, Dr. Laurie Santos revisits one of her most popular conversations—with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Jenny Taitz—in a bid to help listeners overhaul their relationship with stress. The discussion explores why stress is an unavoidable (and even necessary) part of a meaningful life, how our thinking habits can often make it worse, and science-backed strategies to not just survive but thrive in the presence of stress.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Nature and Paradox of Stress

• Defining Stress:
  • Dr. Taitz explains:

    "Stress is when there's, like, this mismatch between our resources, what we have internally, and the demands that we're facing. It's almost like our bandwidth." ([04:32])

• Our Evolutionary Hangover:
  • Unlike animals, humans exacerbate stress by ruminating on the past and worrying about the future.
  • Our stress response evolved for acute threats but often stays “on” due to chronic modern worries.
  • "We have a knack when stress shows up in our lives for inadvertently making it so much worse." ([05:51])
• Perception Matters:
  • The “perceived stress scale” shows stress is often about how we interpret events rather than the events themselves.

Common Pitfalls: Rumination and Overthinking

• Rumination Makes Stress Chronic:
  • Dr. Taitz shares:

    "Rumination is what turns out something briefly stressful into something chronically stressful." ([14:39])

  • Even talking in great detail about past stresses can reactivate stress physiology.
• Humans Overthink:
  • "Animals don't overthink. We overthink. And that's a deep downside to being human. But with the right strategies, we can reduce our stress exponentially." ([06:34])
• The “Doom Loop” and Metacognition:
  • Step back and ask: Are your thinking habits helpful or moving you further from your goals?
  • Swap “why” thoughts (“why did this happen?”) with “how” thoughts (“how can I move forward?”) for empowerment. ([15:54])

Evidence-Based Stress Management Strategies

1. Reframe the Meaning of Stress

• See stress as the “price of a meaningful life.”
• People who view stress as harmful are 43% more likely to die from stress-related causes ([07:52]).
• “Normalizing stress...actually reduces the negative impacts of cortisol.” ([08:07])
• Embrace stress as a sign you’re doing meaningful, challenging things.

2. Riding the Wave of Emotions

• Emotions are transient; they come and go like waves.
• “Our emotions really ebb and flow...psychologists call this ‘affective forecasting,’ we’re notoriously bad at predicting how we’re going to feel in the future.” ([09:38])
• Anchoring in the present and allowing emotions to pass can reduce their hold.

3. Nipping Rumination in the Bud

• Set specific “rumination-free” times in your day ([15:54]).
• Use expressive writing: writing structured, in-depth accounts of stressful events helps process and move beyond rumination ([17:51]).
• Writing, unlike circular rumination, has a beginning, middle, and end.

4. Building Distress Tolerance and Radical Acceptance

• Practicing “radical acceptance” (or, as Dr. Taitz learned in prison, “radical options”):

  “…when you stop fighting, there’s so many options.” ([19:00])

• Labeling emotions (affect labeling) helps regulate them and gives some mental distance ([20:12]).
• Notice your “state of mind”—emotional mind, reasonable mind, or wise mind ([21:24]).

5. Opposite Action/Behavioral Activation

• Act counter to unhelpful emotion-driven urges (e.g., engage socially when ashamed or anxious).
• “Opposite action is helpful...when your fear does not fit the situation you’re in, acting different than how you feel…” ([25:06])
• Not about faking it, but about fully engaging in positive, adaptive behaviors.

6. Connecting to Purpose

• Zoom out and see stress in context: are you enduring hardship for a higher goal?
• Life-purpose acts as a buffer:

  “People that have a clear sense of their life purpose actually bounce back faster when they’re faced with emotional content…” ([34:19])

• Make a pie chart of what matters to you for perspective ([34:19]).

7. Hacking the Body’s Stress Response—The T.I.P.P. Technique

• Temperature: Submerge face in ice water for 30 seconds.
• Intense Exercise: 1–2 minutes of vigorous movement (e.g., running in place).
• Paced Breathing: Slow down to about 6 breaths per min (inhale for 5, exhale for 5).
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Systematically tense and relax muscles.

• “Your body's actually your best pharmacy and we often forget how to lean into our body being our best pharmacy.” ([36:51])

• Breathwork is now therapeutically prescribed, even in war zones ([39:44]).

8. Sensory Soothing

• Comfort yourself with touch (hug, soft clothing, etc.)—shown to lower stress ([41:49]).

• “From the moment we’re born, we’re comforted by touch...” ([41:49])

9. Anticipate and Mentally Rehearse

• Mentally rehearse coping ahead of stressful events—sports psychologists use this ([42:53]).
• Use humor as a proactive tool:

  “If you can make someone laugh in a hard moment, that really shifts their perspective.” ([44:00])

• Give your anxiety a funny name or persona (eg, “grumpy cat”).

10. Plot and Savor Joy

• Make appointments with joy—schedule fun activities in advance ([45:14]).
• Savor positive experiences by reliving or recapping specific highlights ([46:31]).
• Planning and anticipating pleasant events boosts stress resiliency.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Our Self-Made Stress:

  “If you imagine you have a small stain and you start trying to remove it in a way that only spreads it. I mean, it's painfully ironic.”
  — Dr. Jenny Taitz ([05:51])

• On Stress as a Sign of Meaning:

  “Stress is the price of a meaningful life. That is not sitting on the couch watching sports all day...”
  — Dr. Jenny Taitz ([08:49])

• On Nipping Rumination:

  “Swap ‘why’ thoughts with ‘how’ thoughts...One is kind of a tornado and a dead end, and another is kind of an empowered plan.”
  — Dr. Jenny Taitz ([16:57])

• On Labeling Emotions:

  “Even labeling your emotions, just putting a word onto what you’re feeling...actually starts the process of regulating your emotions.”
  — Dr. Jenny Taitz ([20:12])

• On Opposite Action:

  “If you feel ashamed and you withdraw, you’re giving into shame. Shame is winning, you are losing...But if you...make eye contact with people...your shame starts to shrink.”
  — Dr. Jenny Taitz ([25:06])

• Ice Water and the Body’s “Control-Alt-Delete”:

  “We all have a mammalian diver reflex. And when the human body is submerged in cold water without oxygen, it slows down our heart rate...”
  — Dr. Jenny Taitz ([37:11])

• On Purpose:

  “The only reason to work in a job that you don’t necessarily like might be to feed your family...connecting the dots...actually makes something that’s difficult a little bit more tolerable and meaningful.”
  — Dr. Jenny Taitz ([34:19])

• On Practicing Panic:

  “Practicing panic is the path out of panic...facing those physical sensations that you want to avoid is one of the most proven paths out of panic.”
  — Dr. Jenny Taitz ([47:42])

Key Timestamps

• What is Stress? – [04:32]
• Why Humans Make Stress Worse – [05:51]
• The Dangers of Rumination – [14:39]
• How to Stop Rumination – [15:54], [17:51]
• Radical Acceptance/Options – [19:00]
• Opposite Action/Behavioral Activation – [25:06]
• Zooming Out with Purpose – [34:19]
• Body Hacks: The T.I.P.P. Technique – [37:11]
• Sensory Comfort – [41:49]
• Mental Rehearsal and Humor – [42:53], [44:00]
• Plotting Joy – [45:14]
• Facing Clinical Stress and Panic – [47:42]

Final Takeaways

• Stress is both unavoidable and necessary; it’s often the byproduct of engaging with challenging, meaningful life experiences.
• The way we think about, appraise, and react to stress is more impactful than stress itself.
• Small, practical shifts—from labeling emotions to opposite action, from hacking bodily responses to pre-planning happiness—can drastically improve our well-being.
• Self-compassion and prioritizing joy/truly meaningful activities are essential in our stress “medicine cabinets.”

The Dr. Taitz “Stress Reset” in 10 Tips:

1. Accept That Stress is the Price for a Fulfilling Life
2. Stop the Rumination “Doom Loop”
3. Build Distress Tolerance
4. Don’t Let Stress Dictate Behavior—Act Opposite When Needed
5. Connect to Purpose—Zoom Out on Meaning
6. Hack Your Body: T.I.P.P.
7. Self-Soothing Through Sensory Comfort
8. Mentally Rehearse & Use Humor
9. Savor, Plan & Anticipate Joy
10. For Clinical Stress, Practice Facing the Sensations Head-On

“These are like beads of a necklace that I wear constantly, and I feel like they’re too precious to keep to myself.”
— Dr. Jenny Taitz ([49:11])

Suitable for listeners seeking actionable science-based ways to genuinely change their relationship with stress and build greater resilience, joy, and meaning in everyday life.