Podcast
The Healing Hype
Hosted by Nisha Mody · EN
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A new season for The Healing Hype 🍂
Sep 22, 202200:03:32Tap to summarizeHello everyone! Some of you may remember that I started The Healing Hype out as a membership with healing circles, an advice column, and more. Then I pared it down to be a little more simple. I chose the Substack platform for The Healing Hype because I enjoyed the audio accessibility as well as the paid subscription model.After working a full year as a coach, consultant, and speaker, I’m realizing that having two email lists, The Healing Hype email list and a separate email list for updates and promotions along with facilitating 1:1 coaching, group coaching, and organizational workshops, was a bit much. I’m being asked to lean into ease and simplicity.What does this mean?This means that I’m moving The Healing Hype to be a blog on my website. I can add audio to my blogposts, so that accessibility will still be there! However, there will no longer be paid subscriptions or benefits like my Slack community or Nisha’s Greatest Hits! I’d like to think everything I write is a hit anyway 😉 New seasons also bring about other changes. I will be retiring the name The Healing Hype, and a new name and theme will emerge in the new blogspace. I cannot wait to share it with you! This name encompasses how I feel about healing from an embodied and relational level. What does this mean for you?You will still receive my posts via email. The good news is, you don’t have to do anything!In order to do this, I’ll add you to my email marketing platform, BUT you will not be added to my regular email list where I provide monthly updates (which includes kitty pics) and promotions for my (pretty rad) offerings unless you opt-in cuz consent is sexy. You’ll still receive an email when I publish a new blogpost.So, the biggest difference will be how the blog looks. I will still provide longform content similar to what you’ve already seen. You’ll still be able to comment and listen via audio.If you pay monthly, your subscription will stop at the end of the month’s cycle. If you pay annually, I will refund you on a prorated basis.If you love my stuff so much that you want to support me financially, please donate to my BIPOC Healing Fund. I’m dreaming to FULLY FUND the next Boundaries for BIPOC cohort for Spring 2023, and I’d love any support you can provide!If you recently subscribed…If you’re new to this newsletter, welcome! Here are some of my previous posts for you to get acquainted with my content:* Self-abandonment, Capitalism, and You* Is it emotional intelligence or emotional avoidance?* On Joy and ResilienceHow do I feel about this?I feel such a relief moving into more simplicity in my life. My website is my digital home, and this change allows me to cultivate that home. I’m so grateful for this experience to see what worked and didn’t work for me, specifically in this space and overall in my business. I’m all about trial and error, learning and unlearning.Lately, I’ve been considering my life, and the Earth, through seasons. After all, humans are just as much a part of the Earth as plants and ants. We come from the Earth, not to it. We all have seasons of shedding, growing, expanding, and contracting. And I love that this change coincides with the first day of fall and the beginning of Libra season.Thank you so much, and feel free to reply with comment or questions. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit healinghype.substack.com
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What is my intention? What is my desire? What is enough?
Aug 1, 202200:08:50Tap to summarizeAs I mentioned last week, I deleted my social media apps on a Saturday night after I was so overstimulated and underwhelmed with the projections coming at me. I was in a period of what I call apathy, but maybe also depressive, where everything in my life was quite amazing, yet I felt disconnected from myself. I intellectually knew it was “all good”…but it did not feel that way. I knew my period was coming on, which usually induces these feelings, but the mood was coming on a little earlier than usual. And then I got into “figuring it out”, a mental cycle that is mostly not so useful.Deleting my apps was not something I ever expected to do, especially because I use social media, especially Instagram, for my business. The decision to delete was instantanous, a gut instinct, and whisper of intuition. Whatever you want to call it, it had to go, at least for the next 24 hours.Sunday, I felt like I was just coming down from this constant dopamine chase. Moving from what felt like being a mosquito to being a butterfly. I mentioned this in last week’s post. Later that day, on a walk, I saw at least six monarch butterflies. I truly never see any butterflies in my neighborhood, so if there was a sign to validate my decision (besides the tarot card I pulled), this was definitely it.On Monday, I decided to only show up on social media through the browser versions. The Instagram browser is so clunky that constant scrolling just doesn’t happen. This just shows how systems and design are so influential over our behaviors. I posted something on my Instagram feed via the browser on Monday, and then I wanted to share that post to my stories but realized that Instagram basically forces you to go into the app to do this. I had two choices, re-download the app or don’t post to stories. Since I had a big shift in my program that I announced in the post, and because the algorithm is pushing Reels more than posts, I decided to re-download the app. I was a little scared, but I just did it anyways with the intention that I would delete it immediately afterward. I posted the stories, looked at a few posts and other friends’ stories, and I deleted the app!Enter: IntentionFor the next few days, I basically did the same thing. Used the various forms of social media only via browser and re-downloaded Instagram only for features I couldn’t use unless I had the app. Then I deleted it immediately. I decided that Wednesday would be a day to spend more time on it, be more present for my audience and to catch up on other people’s posts. My dear friend Courtney Koester who is a beautiful teacher of energetics calls Wednesday a Mercury day, a day of communication and connecting. I recenty downloaded her digital calendar, and it’s really helpful for me to calibrate my energy instead of being go-go-go. And yet, I still didn’t love having it on my phone, ignoring other things I wanted to do. So I deleted it by mid-afternoon.This all leads me to intention.When I’m asked “What is your intention?” in coaching or support spaces, I often freeze up. I’ve had a hard time with this question. It has almost sounded like another language…a cloudy yet magical idea that is meant to be some type of divine answer or whisk me away to another dimension. I usually answer very generally because, you see, I don’t like to focus on wanting one thing because there are so many possibilities! I don’t want to EXCLUDE anyone or anything.But something made me delete the app, a desire to no longer engage, a desire to tend to tasks, and just pay more attention to the present. While I’ve connected with so many amazing people via social media, it can also feel very disembodied.This past week, I was using social media with true intention: to share my stories and ideas, connect with others, and move on to the next thing. I used it for what I desired instead of letting it tell me what my next desire was.Enter: DesireIt totally clicked. Intention is desire. Intention is deciding your desire. Intention is deciding. This can be a super specific or general decision. But I’ve noticed that for so many spaces I enter, I’m just excited to learn. And yet, there’s something else behind that excitement that I’ve been hesitant to name for fear of missing out.James-Olivia Chu Hillman told me that the etymology of decide is “to cut off”. Deciding means knowing what you want, and that means saying no to other things. As I’ve been doing my Delight with Nisha in Nature calls, I was talking to someone who was sitting with a plant they have in their room. They were so proud to be with it and to have supported and tended to its growth, which required pruning…cutting off…deciding. Pruning makes space for growth.Being intentional is knowing what you want or even what you might want, and seeing where it takes you. But knowing what we want can be really really hard - especially if you see yourself as a helper who just wants the best for everyone else. In my first year of business, I’ve learned that knowing what I want takes time, reflection, and constant refining. And that’s okay.What often gets in the way of desire is fear of deciding, fear of what or who our desire can hurt, fear of missing out, fear of the unknown. So we allow all the leaves to crowd us instead of making space for our vision.But it’s so so important to try to desire, especially if you come from a marginalized background that was conditioned to constantly assimilate to what other people desired from you because that provided safety.Enter: EnoughOne beautiful outcome of pulling back from social media has been that I’m finally catching up on a bunch of emails I’ve put off because I didn’t feel like I had time or energy. What I’ve realized is that scrolling and sharing and posting and checking metrics depleted my energy and focus. One email I finally got to was from Hima Batavia’s Substack titled “on tiny kitchens”. She talks about the tiny kitchens she’s had in her life and how she longs for a big beautiful kitchen, but she realizes the beautiful and funny memories in those tinier kitchens and how, maybe, what she has is “enough”.Given that I’ve been thinking so much about intention and desire, it was really helpful to connect this to “enough”. I believe “enough” is very relative based on history, systems, context, and our individual selves. It’s hard to separate one from the other. Yet, thinking from this lens made me ask myself, “What is enough for me?”Now I’m not saying we can’t dream. But what I am saying is that if you’ve had a hard time even thinking about what you desire, this can be a beautiful place to start.I created a list of what would feel like enough for:* money* my coaching offers* home* my feelings* business supportI also think that “relationships” can be a great one, however, that’s what I was thinking of when I included “my feelings”. Feel free to add others! I can also imagine “world”, “society”, “family”, “intimacy”, and more.For home, I wrote “having a washer/dryer in unit, making an altar space in my second bedroom, and maybe a third bedroom?” Not super succinct but a starting point. Then I added a section called “BONUS”. This is where I wrote what would be extra nice for each of those categories as well. For home, I wrote “a nice outdoor space”. Now, two bedrooms, and maybe even one, might be enough for me. But since I have two bedrooms, this is where I started. This isn’t definitive or written in stone. It’s a practice and exercise.So now when I think of intentions for each of these areas, they are moving in the direction of desire and enough. While it might seem contradictory, it feels like a breath of fresh air to me. A way to decide, prune, and see what will grow.What is my intention? What is my desire? What is enough? In the end…Doing things intentionally can go in so many different directions. It can be about how you approach a task to your dream world to making a boundary. And it’s so so so powerful. Now when someone asks me “What is your intention?”, I’m ready to receive it - not because I always know the answer but becauase I know that a decision is a gentle opening, another way to tend to myself which helps me tend to the world as well.I’d love to hear what you think!If you like what I write, here’s how you can support me!* Like, comment, or share this post with a friend.* Donate to my BIPOC Healing Fund, I’m hoping to fully fund my next Boundaries for BIPOC cohort!* Schedule a Delight with Nisha in Nature call by donating at least $5 to my BIPOC Healing Fund here, there are TWO spots left this week!* Explore one-on-one support with me including a human design reading, 1:1 coac...
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I deleted social media, pulled a tarot card, and felt so validated
Jul 24, 202200:04:07Tap to summarizeI never thought I’d need a social media detox, but here I am.Last night, I deleted my social media apps. That includes Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, LinkedIn, and Clubhouse. As I type this out, I realize that I’m pretty active on 5/6 of those. I’m barely on Clubhouse but deleted it in case I felt compelled to go there to get my dopamine hit.I’m self-isolating right now before an international trip to avoid getting the Vid. And I started seeing myself spending so much time scrolling, looking at notifications, and thinking about more content, that my brain finally reached overload.I think social media is great. I’ve made so many beautiful connections that way. And, I started to feel like a mosquito. Seeing what I could prick and get. I don’t want to be a mosquito. I want to be a butterfly. I want to be a flower. I’d rather choose a rhythm that feels good in my body…and a mosquito is not it!Almost immediately after I deleted the apps, I started to think of ways I can simplify how I communicate. This will be something I’ll be considering a lot over the next few weeks. At the time of deletion, I thought I’d be back Monday, tomorrow. Then I thought I’d just post content through a browser instead of the app. Then I thought I’ll just schedule posts ahead of time and only show up on Wednesday. But I’m going to just sit with this. Honestly, writing on this platform is something I haven’t done lately because I’m on social media!So you might be hearing more from me here. There might be fewer mini hypes and more longform pieces. I’m already seeing that I can commit to one idea for longer when I’m not being bombarded by new ones. There are so many ways to be in the world without scrolling. I know people have talked about social media cleanses for awhile, but I never felt the need…until now.I felt wildly validated in this decision when I pulled the two of wands this morning from my tarot deck. I try to pull a card most mornings and journal on them based on Kait Fowlie’s definitions and journal prompts.This is what it says for the two of wands (italic emphasis mine):TWO OF WANDSMantra for the two of wands: “Take your world into your own hands.”Description: This card is all about launching into the world after a stage of personal discovery. You now have a firmer idea of what you truly want, what your unique talents are, and how you might want to ‘make the world yours.’ Start putting together your plan for personal success. Have patience and stay focused. Invest in your growth and development. Be willing to step outside the familiar and explore your influence.Journal prompts: How do you exercise your influence over the world around you? What does your ‘future self’ do on a day to day basis that makes them so badass?The word “influence” outside of the context of social media is WILD to me. My influence isn’t determined by the tool I choose, it’s who I am and how what I share is received. And now I get to think about how I exercise it even more. As a small business owner getting myself off the ground, social media has been tremendously helpful. And it also has effects how I produce. While I don’t necessarily think of “Instagram reel ideas”, Instagram and TikTok allow me to share what comes to me as it comes. BUT, now I’m wondering what would happen if I wrote those ideas down, and connected them more. Maybe I could share snippets afterward…or not. Since the tool is there, I’m using it. But it doesn’t have to be that way. How will the way I share shift by creating boundaries around these platforms? How can I be interdependent with them instead of codependent? The short-form of social media has taken me away from writing in a way that feels more fully developed. So I’m taking the world in my hands to see where this takes me. This will mean boundaries of some sort, I’m not sure what.So tell me, have you tried to have boundaries with social media? How did that go? I’d love any insight or ideas around this! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit healinghype.substack.com
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Wanna delight with me in nature? 🍓🌳🌻
Jul 20, 202200:01:29Tap to summarizeHi friends! For the next few weeks I am self-isolating before an international trip, so I need to connect with nature more than ever. This made me think about how I can be with the Earth AND you! (FYI, you are not separate from the Earth, but you know what I mean ☺️).This is how I came up with a new offer I’m beta testing called Delight with Nisha in Nature 🍓🌳🌻I'm playing with a new way for my clients to feel PRESENCE through DELIGHT by connecting with the Earth and each other.I invite you to be with your favorite form of nature while we respond to each other for 40 minutes about FEELING PRESENCE THROUGH DELIGHT 🍓If you want to be one of my special beta-testers, let me know! There are only 9 spots left until August 5, and a few people have the link to schedule, so time is of the essence. (Yes, I do talk about how to question urgency AND this is the boundary I have for this special playdate 😉)All I ask is that you donate at least $5 to my BIPOC Healing Fund. Just $5(!!!) to try this out.HOW DOES THIS WORK?(1) Comment or reply to the email and say “I wanna delight with you!"(2) I’ll send you a link to donate and book.(3) At your scheduled time, you'll bring yourself to your chosen Earthy space, creature, and/or object.(4) Nisha will give you a call and invite you into some delightful presence through conversation, sensory experiences, and somatics.(5) We will DELIGHT 🍓Looking forward to connecting! This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit healinghype.substack.com
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UPDATE: From Work to Worth begins 8/27
Jul 5, 202200:00:59Tap to summarizeHi friends! If you’re on my email list, you’ve already heard that I am delaying my intimate group container/virtual hug space called From Work to Worth to begin on August 27.I realized I needed a break this month, and this allows space for me to not be in urgency and to take an extra breath! A few spots are filled, and I’m looking forward to an intimate group of 8.Maybe you’re feeling burnt out or don’t know how to detach from the spiral of never feeling enough…this might also just be detaching your identity from your job. Maybe you intellectually know you’re worthy, but it’s hard to embody that in a world that tells you, and everyone, otherwise. If this is you AND you embrace anti-oppression, I’d love to chat.If you’ve been peeking at the program, please do apply, and we can chat about what YOU feel is a best next step. I love to share myself with you, and I love when humans have the safety of choice. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit healinghype.substack.com
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[mini hype] Stress isn't bad for you
Jul 2, 202200:01:29Tap to summarizeHi friends, during these global stressful times, on top of what you might be moving through locally and individually, it’s hard to just NOT be stressed. The other day, I heard something from Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski that reframed stress for me: “Stress is not bad for you; being stuck is bad for you.”This reminds me about an analogy I once heard from Sarah Baldwin Coaching. She talked about how when a bird hits a window and falls, it is still. Most people would think it’s dead. But eventually, it starts shaking and gets back up. It was just momentarily stuck.So the stress itself wasn’t bad for it, but if it stayed stuck in that frozen state, that would have not been so great.The same goes for us, especially when we get in freeze response or we dissociate. First of all, there is nothing wrong with you - you are not broken. Given everything that has been thrown at us in the last few years, it makes sense that dissociating and freezing helps us conserve our energy. Second of all, this doesn’t mean you’ll stay there forever. What are some resources that get you unstuck? For me, stretching, playing with my kitties, pausing to breathe and feel where my body is in relation to the space I’m in, and REST are beautiful resources lately.What about you? Hit reply or let me know in the comments.Also, I still have some spots available for From Work to Worth. You can apply here. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit healinghype.substack.com
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#PrideMonth - one day left to support
Jun 29, 202200:01:29Tap to summarizeHello lovelies!This month has been rough, and there are so many places to donate to. Local abortion funds, bail funds, gun control measures, and more.I honestly didn’t even want to send this out because I’m just kinda tired of it all. But then I realized that we all have choices. You have the choice to not invest in The Healing Hype, and that is a totally acceptable choice. And if you do decide to invest by tomorrow, June 30, I’ll donate 100% of your June contribution to Critical Resistance and LGBTQIA2S+ mutual aid efforts. AND you’ll get entered into a drawing to win a 1 hour Human Design reading from me (bonus entries if you invest annually!)Most importantly, I hope you’re taking care of yourself. I hope you have someone safe to talk to. If it helps to respond to this and express how you’re feeling right now, please do. Name your feelings, give it a shape and a color and a texture, and tell me what it is. I’m happy to be with you in this process. Because capitalism, patriarchy, and white supremacy aren’t here for our feelings…they are here for control, power over, and hyper-individualism. That’s not what I’m about, so please do share if you’d like by replying or commenting. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit healinghype.substack.com
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[Nisha’s Greatest Hits!] Proving your worth in relationships
Jun 23, 202200:10:29Tap to summarizeHello everyone. So this is a special Nisha’s Greatest Hits because it is open for everyone to see. And I just want to remind everyone that Nisha’s Greatest Hits is a cute little benefit from investing on The Healing Hype for $5 A month or $50 here and this month for the month of June I am donating all of my income from The Healing Hype to Critical Resistance which works to dismantle the prison industrial complex, as well as go toward mutual aid for LGBTQIA to spirit plus folks. So if you like this, and you would love for your whatever you pay for this month, whether it's $5 a month, or you pay $50 A year annually to go toward those causes. Please do invest. I will include a button at the bottom of this post for you to upgrade if you do not already subscribe. At that rate, I would love to be able to raise $500, so that is that. So I wanted to talk about grasping for worth in relationships and if any of you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that today I posted about this, about how my ex husband told me two things that made me kind of question my worth made me feel like I had to prove myself to be worthy of him or worthy to have him or whatever. So those two things that he said to me were that one my friends were really boring. And as a consequence, his friends were super cool. And to that I had no passions in life. So this made me really sad and it made me question like my own friends who let me tell you I have life long, amazing badass friends who I feel really safe with. And pretty much all of those friends that I've had from the time when I was with my ex husband, which was over 15 years ago to now um you know are still my friends and they're amazing and all is there for me but because he said these things I thought that like okay, well, I'll hang out with his friends. I would talk to my friends last or if I wanted to hang out with my friends. I feel like I'd be walking on eggshells to ask him or he'd get annoyed and see what losers they are or whatever. So instead of realizing that I have amazing friends, because I wanted to belong to Him with him, whatever you want to call it. I would see my friends less and hang out with his friends all the time. And the other thing he said was I had no passions or interests and at that time you know when I met him I think that was about 25 and 40. Now, I was really questioning and like felt really sad that I didn't know what my my one passion in life was, which itself is kind of like not fair, because sometimes we don't have one passion in life. Sometimes we'd like lots of things or sometimes we have more of a role in life. Like there are people like my brother who always knew what he wanted to do. And I was the person that didn't. And at the same time what I ended up seeing later on was that I definitely have a role in life and my different skills and qualities lend to that role. So anyway, that itself was something 15 years ago I you know, I wasn't there yet. So when he said that to me, it just made me super sad. And it kind of looks like confirmation bias for me of like yeah, I'm a loser who doesn't know what you want. So I will like everything that he likes. So I started getting really into all the life music he listened to. I even like he was like, why don't you take piano lessons then we can play together because he used to play guitar, or he plays guitar. I'm guessing he still does. Um, so I started doing all that stuff. And he took me wrong. I actually used to play piano when I was a kid, and I really liked it. And I also played saxophone lessons when I was with him and singing lessons. And I had fun doing those things. But the source of it, the source of my desire to do it was so that I could do it with him so that he could like me more or accept me more or I could be more there could be more of a longing in our relationship. I got super into every professional sport. I was even his fantasy football team manager and we like joked about it. I knew everything about the different basketball teams, baseball, everything, you know, I was so glued to it. Whereas now with my current partner like he'll tell me stuff and I'll listen and I like watching sports like I always liked watching sports here and there. But I was never as obsessed as I was when I was with my ex husband. Um, so yeah, and like I just started getting really interested in what he liked so that I could feel like one I could feel like that. That whole that I had about not having a passion was filled and and there was a double bonus that you know, I would be there would be more belonging that I had in our relationship. So this grasping energy, trying to feel prove myself prove my worth to him and also to myself was really shitty, honestly it did not feel good. And when I realized in the end that like my friends are friggin awesome, and that I have such beautiful qualities and so much magic within myself as Do you as just everyone it just looks different because we're different human beings and that's just how it is. I realized that like you know there there's a lot of there's so much I had to offer that I didn't need to prove. And in this Instagram post you're welcome to go to my Instagram and healing hype girl and look, I put some visuals to show what what this feels like. And the visual I put an Instagram post was post was that I'm like like this wind up doll like there's this one of those like wind up things but on my back and every time like he would say something in like, want me to do it like it'd be like take saxophone lessons like wind me up. Let me get wind it up and then do the thing that he liked. Right. And I would just get exhausted and like, you know, like windup dolls when you wind them up and let them go. They just go in whatever direction that's kind of how I felt like it was aimless. I was doing it. And it “worked” but it really wasn't from my own fuel source. It was family, you know, doing the winding. Whereas afterwards when I realized like, oh, no, I have so much so much worth on my own as a person. The relationships I have with my friends are amazing. You know, I was so heart centered. I have this picture on that post of like, my heart and then this beautiful aura that's coming from within me. And also kind of you know, goes to the idea of the Care Bear energy that I talked about in my workshop How to Be Your Own Care Bear which you are welcome to purchase the replay. It's only $6 from my website or from my Instagram. It's like Care Bears know, the power within them and they just emanated out especially when they do it with their Care Bear people are Care Bear and Care Bear family. They hold each other's hands into the Care Bear Stare and their magic comes out from them. But in my marriage and just the whole relationship the time we were dating to that Care Bear energy was just dormant. It was just sleeping and I dismissed it and denied it really from from spreading it out into the world because I was told that it wasn't there and it wasn't good enough. And it just makes me so sad to think about, you know what I mean? That that was the case. Another metaphor you can use for that is like, like there's this carrot in front of me you know like that. That thing about like someone holding a carrot in front of you and you're just like, constantly chasing after but you're never getting it because someone is manipulate again, you know? And when I can just go to the store because I want the carrot myself. That's the other thing. Do I want the carrot or is the person telling you that I need the carrot right? Someone is you know trying to dangle in front of me and that's a problem. So anyways, I this is one of my longer Nisha’s Greatest Hits. Usually these are only like one to two minutes. But I really wanted to talk about this concept because there's so many ways we can look at it. We can look at it as being the windup toy is the person dangling something in front of us? Capitalism dangling happiness and fulfillment in front of us if we keep making more money or get a promotion or get this job with this “well known” company or on a personal level, if we have kids or whatever, and I'm not knocking any of these things. I'm just saying that when society tells us this is what will make us feel fulfilled, and we keep chasing after it or keep being wound up by it. We might just be going in directions that are not true for us. So what does it look like when it's really coming from us? So um, yeah, this is also something I think a lot about and it's what drove me to create From Work to Worth, my four month group coaching container that starts July 9, so I will link it here in the post. So if any of you are listening to this, go to the post to check out my program. You can go to my website to nishaland.com and there's a From Work to Worth page. And yeah, I'd love to dive into more of this with you because this is not something that I figured out like on my own, you know, Namie and this is not something that I'm just like, Oh, I'm worthy. You know, this took therapy. This took my talking to my friends. This was like intense back and forth text messages with one of my friends. You know, and a lot of therapy and coaching that got me to this point of realizing that I have so much inner worth and we all do and when we are denying that worth in service to someone else or something else. We're really quieting ourselves and we're not letting the world see the beauty and magic inside of us. So I hope this was supportive to you and I would love if you invested in The Healing Hype. And oh, one thing I forgot to mention earlier is that if you invest in it, you are going to be entered into a drawing for a free one hour Human Design reading for me, so definitely invest. This will just be for the month of June. And thank you so much for listening!Transcribed by https://otter.ai This is a p...
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[mini hype] Self-awareness can be lonely
Jun 20, 202200:01:36Tap to summarizeBefore we get into this mini hype, I wanted to remind you about my upcoming 4-month mastermind/virtual hug space/group coaching program, From Work to Worth. Click the button below to learn more and apply.Hi friends! I wanted to bring a mini hype to you from my first post “What is intergenerational trauma? And how do you heal it?”I found this snippet from the piece:So how do we heal intergenerational trauma?The first step is always awareness. And with awareness comes learning and unlearning. We are all unique individuals. If you have a sibling who was raised under the same parental figure(s) as you, I’m guessing they reacted in ways that were different than you. Yet, there are similarities to your experiences.This made me think…what if you’re the only one in your family or friend circle who seems to have this awareness? It can be quite isolating. You might wonder why you’re the only one who cares…but you also might be gaslit because you’re thinking about this at all. Maybe you get comments to just “move on” or your awareness is minimized.For me, most of my closest friends are absolutely amazing and open to talking about this. Thankfully, the friendships I’ve cultivated are with people who really reflected on life and had a high level of self-awareness. Though, this wasn’t always the case with my family. I’m grateful that I’m able to have more conversations with my brother around this, and sometimes even with my mom—but it wasn’t always that way.So I’d love to hear from you. What is your experience with this? Please let me know about your experience, challenges, and support you’ve received. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit healinghype.substack.com
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Make time your little (or big) spoon
Jun 14, 202200:11:10Tap to summarizeHi friends, I just wanted to let you know about my new four-month group mastermind, From Work to Worth. It will be my most intimate container I’ve facilitated yet, limited to 8 humans. I can’t wait to explore our relationships between work and worth and how we can shift them. Click the link below to learn more and apply. Now, on to making time your little (or big) spoon.This weekend, my purse was stolen.Saturday night, I went on a hike with my boyfriend. The last hike I took was in Denver almost a year ago for my friend’s bachelorette party, and I was in a lot of pain after because of pre-existing lower back and foot injuries. As a result, I decided to do what I could to address it by getting stronger, being diligent about stretching, doing body work, and seeing a chiropractor, and it has paid off (yay!). So going on a hike was a big deal for me, and I was so excited about it!Here is me before we turned around to head back to the trailhead. I was so excited that I was able to do this hike without constantly wondering how this could completely suck for me afterward.We headed back to the trailhead where my boyfriend’s car was parked. I went to the passenger side to get in, and I saw a bunch of glass on the ground. The window was bashed in, and my purse was gone.My wallet, keys (home, car, and others), and glasses were in my purse. I felt so violated. For the rest of the night, shock, sadness, and anger swept over me. And…gratitude did as well. I was grateful that my boyfriend’s things weren’t taken. I was grateful he had an extra set of my house keys. I’m glad he could lend me some cash while I replaced my credit cards. I was so happy to have him with me, even if I wasn’t the best company. This is not something fun to deal with alone.So what does this have to do with time being my little spoon?While I was experiencing shock, sadness, and anger, my survival mind went to thinking about next steps: “What’s going on for me next week? What will I have to cancel? Why do I have to deal with this now? Where might I need my driver’s license? Which keys do I need to replace? Should I replace my deadbolt? I don’t have time for this!” etc etc etc.When something like this happens, we think about how it totally messes up the schedules we have for the following days or weeks. What was automatic and easy is no longer secure. The next morning, I remember just looking at people thinking “they probably have their wallets with them.” They didn’t have to deal with what I had to do. The time I thought was mine felt like it was stolen, too.I’ve been listening to Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals (affiliate link) by Oliver Burkeman on audiobook at the recommendation of Hima Batavia’s post on her lovely Substack, afternoon dreams. Burkeman talks about how we often feel like we are running against the clock and never finishing our to-do list, which leads to feeling defeated or unworthy or unproductive. He says:“There’s another sense in which treating time as something that we own and get to control seems to make life worse. Inevitably, we become obsessed with ‘using it well,’ whereupon we discover an unfortunate truth: the more you focus on using time well, the more each day begins to feel like something you have to get through, en route to some calmer, better, more fulfilling point in the future, which never actually arrives. The problem is one of instrumentalization. To use time, by definition, is to treat it instrumentally, as a means to an end, and of course we do this every day: you don’t boil the kettle out of a love of boiling kettles, or put your socks in the washing machine out of a love for operating washing machines, but because you want a cup of coffee or clean socks. Yet it turns out to be perilously easy to overinvest in this instrumental relationship to time—to focus exclusively on where you’re headed, at the expense of focusing on where you are—with the result that you find yourself living mentally in the future, locating the ‘real’ value of your life at some time that you haven’t yet reached, and never will.”He continues:“At the end of your life, looking back, whatever compelled your attention from moment to moment is simply what your life will have been.”So, on Sunday, as I was mentally and emotionally hungover from what happened the night before, and as I called credit card companies and looked at my bank accounts and got a replacement drivers license, using my time in ways that I had not planned, I remembered this part of the book. I thought to myself, how can I be with time while I’m with this pain? How can I remember these moments?So I didn’t feel bad as I just lazed around my home, felt my feelings, emotionally ate macaroni and cheese, and watched Fire Island. Then I went live on Instagram to talk about how to be with time and pain.Given what Burkeman said, and how I’ve been reflecting about how joy can be with pain in this post and this podcast, I decided to reframe things. Instead of thinking that the week was ruined because of all the things I needed to take care of, I imagined how my pain can be WITH time rather than time being an enemy. I call this making time your little (or big) spoon. It stays with you and gives you comfort and co-regulation. While time might be ticking away, that isn’t what matters, it isn’t what you hear.Here’s how I visualize it. Let’s say you’re just going about our day, and you’re in your window of tolerance. Time is going as-is and your level of pain (or fear, discomfort, etc) is on par with it. Here’s how I imagine that looking:But then, something happens. You hear bad news, someone steals your purse, you feel sick, you get into a fight with your partner. Your pain level starts to move in different directions, ways that you can’t really control. But the time on the clock keeps going as usual, it’s not waiting for you to feel your feelings. It’s not pausing because you have other things to do. This looks like:When it feels like the above, how can you make time bend with you? This is where you can imagine time as your little (or big) spoon while you experience the feelings and sensations that come up within your body—when clocks are not a priority and you allow yourself to be a measure of time. Notice that in the previous sentence I said “where you can imagine time” not “when you can imagine time”—because I believe time has a location within us. As Burkeman said above “Yet it turns out to be perilously easy to overinvest in this instrumental relationship to time—to focus exclusively on where you’re headed, at the expense of focusing on where you are” (emphasis is mine). The visual below shows how you can allow time to help you focus on where you are.Obviously it isn’t as easy as this when we have obligations and responsibilities—if it were easy, I wouldn’t be writing this. But if you consider this, even 10%, I believe that time doesn’t have to feel like it’s the problem. Because the fact is, if you work against time, you’re working against your feelings. If you work against your feelings, they will catch up to you. They will show up when you least expect…and then time will feel like a thief again.I know this all sounds very abstract, so here are some concrete ways I imagine making time my little (or big) spoon.* Sit somewhere comfortable and imagine a clock’s second-hand slowing its pace to match your state. Maybe this is realllly slow, maybe it’s just a little slower. Or maybe it has a totally different flavor. Maybe it’s playing a song that goes with your mood.* Place your hand on your heart and feel your breath. Feel your feet grounded on the surface below you. Say to yourself: “My pain is not a problem. Time is not a problem. I am not a problem. Time is my friend. Time is with me.”* Lie down and literally imagine you being the big (or little) spoon to time. Imagine time as another sweet human or furry friend you cuddle with. Is it telling you that you are wasting it? Running out of it? That you can’t keep up with it? Or is it just hanging with you while you work with what your body is telling you?* Think of time in terms of how much you can do instead of how many minutes or hours a task takes. For example, walking to your nearest bus stop can take “drinking half a cup of coffee” or “two Don’t Stop Believin’s”. This way if you get injured or sick or your capacity shifts for whatever reason, you can change your measure based on your joys and capacity rather than the standard measure of time.Please let me know if you try any of these and how it went!When I made time my little spoon the day after my purse was stolen, I did a few things I needed to do and then I sat with the opportunity of slowing down, listening to the heaviness in my body. It didn’t want me to speed up. This looked like sitting on my couch with my cats, having gratitude for the resources I had during this time, reflecting about how resources are inequitable, canceling a phone meeting I had scheduled, experie...
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