← Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
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- [00:01]
Hilary
When it comes to holiday gifting, I want to give things people actually use and love. That's why I'm going with Quince, because they make exceptionally high quality essentials at a price within reach. For my annual favorite things gift exchange, I already know what I'm bringing. The Australian merino wool duster cardigan. I have this myself and what I love is that it's comfortable, cozy, it has pockets, and the fit is flowy and forgiving, which makes it such an easy gift because you're not stressed about sizing. Quince has something for everyone. Soft Mongolian cashmere sweaters for $50 that look and feel like designer pieces. Silk tops and skirts for dressing up, perfectly cut denim for everyday wear and outerwear that actually keeps you warm. And they go way beyond apparel. Quince has beautiful pieces for home, bath, kitchen and travel too, so you can bring that same elevated quality into more moments of your day. Find gifts so good you'll want to keep them for yourself with quince. Go to quints.com readyforlove for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's quince.com q-u I n c e.com ready for love to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Hey everybody. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Today is another special day where we are interviewing one of our Ready for Love alumni, our graduates of our program. And if you've been listening to the last many weeks, we've been infusing into these weekly, these types of interviews because I really want to give you an opportunity to hear from women who've gone through our program. It's inspirational, it's motivational, it's educational and it gives me an opportunity to really highlight the amazing women that I get to work with that do our program. Because I really, truly believe that any woman who's willing to look in the mirror, do the work on herself is the most elite and extraordinary woman on the planet. And I want to share them with you. We all want to know these types of women. So without further ado, today we are are speaking with Charlene. She is a fabulous, fabulous lady and I can't wait for you to hear from her. And just a brief intro. She was a teacher for 29 years. Thank you, thank you for being a teacher, the most underappreciated of among us, I believe for 29 years. Like you've got to be the most uber patient human being in the world. Can I have some of your patients, please? And then you retired. She retired and is now a master transformational health and life coach. And spoiler alert. Which I hate to say and I hate to do, but she is now one of the coaches for our.
- [02:41]
Charlene
For our program.
- [02:42]
Hilary
Yay. Such an amazing woman is now part of our team. I love. I love when that happens. So welcome, Charlene.
- [02:50]
Charlene
I just got goosebumps, by the way. So exciting. I'm so happy to be here.
- [02:55]
Hilary
I love. So a lot of women go through our program and then want to work for us.
- [03:00]
Charlene
And.
- [03:00]
Hilary
And I think, of course, I. Again, we work with the most amazing women in the program as clients, so why wouldn't I want you to be part of my team? So, yes, we're doing that. It's amazing. So, okay, so what we want to know is when you decided to join the program, where were you at in life? What was going on with you, and what were you struggling with?
- [03:20]
Charlene
Okay, so we're going to do some backstory then. So back In May of 2022, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. And, you know, anything that could have gone wrong did, and he succumbed to, you know, he died basically nine months later. And I spent the last, you know, two and a half years mourning, grieving, and my parent. My mother died in the midst. I mean, it was. It was a rough three years. Like, my mom, my husband, and then my dad. So three Paramount people died in my life. And, you know, I spent. I've been in all forms of therapy my entire life, different modalities. And I felt back in, you know, May June, I'm like, I feel like I'm ready to get back into the ring after everything that I've gone through. Because I'm young, you know, I love to be loved. I love to love. And I'm like, I think I'm ready. And I went onto a dating app, and the guys that I was attracting, I'm like, oh, my God, I was a hot mess. And I'm like, this is not good. It was like, I felt I was desperate. And every time I'd be on my phone, I'd be scrolling through, I'd see your program, and I'm like. And I was just paused for a second, and I would hear things, and I would just sit. I'm like, okay. And I would just keep swiping along. But there was a day, like, I think it was the fourth guy I went out with that it was like that breaking point of, like, I am a mess. How I am Showing up. I am attracting these disasters of men. No, you know, no offense to them, but I'm like, what the hell is going on with me? I clearly need help. I need help. Something is wrong in here. You know, and even though I was doing a deep dive on my marriage, because all marriages are work, and, you know, I realized that I was showing up in desperation and all that, it was still there. So I realized I hadn't healed. So I was like, I remember calling. I remember the day I called. It was my sister's birthday. And I called him on the phone. I'm like, okay, I'm ready. I need to do something. And so.
- [05:15]
Hilary
So really, it was. It was. You had just gone through a shitstorm in your own life.
- [05:20]
Charlene
Oh, my God, it was a total shitstorm.
- [05:21]
Hilary
You thought you were ready, but when you were dating, what you were experiencing really was a mirror for you, and you realized, I don't think I'm ready. So, yeah.
- [05:30]
Charlene
Yeah. It was so heavy. Everything felt so heavy. I'm like, why is this so heavy? You know, the guys, like, you know, like, oh, like, I'm broke and I'm in the middle of a divorce. It was just so heavy. I'm like, ugh.
- [05:38]
Hilary
You know, so you were attracting men who were in the middle of divorces. You were attracting men who had issues, who were in. In.
- [05:44]
Charlene
In trouble, emotionally unavailable, the whole nine yards. Right? So, yeah, that was the. That was my big thing. Yeah.
- [05:49]
Hilary
Well, I love that you had the foresight or the insight to recognize that something was going on with you, to ask yourself, what am I doing wrong? Why is this what I'm experiencing? Instead of just blaming all being shitty, it was me.
- [06:04]
Charlene
Well, I mean, you figure, you know, you know, because with therapy, you always. The mirror. When you're married, the mirror is always in your face. So it's like, you know, and so to me, it made sense that, like, it's clearly the energy I'm putting out is the energy that's coming back my way. So I was like, okay, I got it. I can't seem to figure this out on my own. I need help.
- [06:22]
Hilary
Yeah, well. And we're going to talk about that in a second. What I'd like to do is back up and actually talk about your marriage a little bit. And I'm doing this for any listener who's been in your situation. And I train my team who does those enrollment calls to how to handle this, because not all women who were married and are widows had a good experience in their marriage. Some did, some didn't. And I know, actually, I learned this from doing these calls myself. And these calls that we do are these, like, 75 minute deep dive conversations with women to make sure we're a fit. Can we really help you? And we do get a lot of women who are widows and book calls with us. And what most of the women get from their friends, their therapist is, you poor thing, you're so grieving. How hard for you. And while that might be a part of it, it's not always all of it. And we provide a safe, confidential space to tell the truth. And I once had a woman say, thank God he died, because that was the only way I was ever gonna get out of that situation. And I learned, oh, my go. Let's not assume that somebody who's a widow is the grieving widow. We can't assume anybody's experience. And so what we started doing on the calls when we have a widow on the phone is saying, look, marriage is hard. Nothing is ever perfect. Relationships take work and are a struggle. You're getting a second chance at this that you didn't want to have, expect to have, or ever thought that you would. So what was not working in your marriage that you really want to do differently the next time around? And I love that question because it really allows women a safe space to just be honest about. Well, that was a good marriage, but it wasn't great. Another woman once told me that she had been in an abusive marriage or an abusive relationship. And so when she married the man, she did, she picked a good guy. He was safe, he provided security. He was kind and gentle and loving. But she spent 20 years in a marriage without, like, without passion, without connection, without a great sex life. And so she was grateful and she never would have left. But here she is having an opportunity to do this again. And that is one thing that she really was hoping to get the next time around. So for you then, having said all that, what was going on in your marriage? What was your marriage like that, you know, whether it was good, bad, all around, all of it, like, perfectly imperfect in whatever it was. What was going on in your marriage that you wanted, that you now know you want to do differently going forward.
- [09:06]
Charlene
So it's interesting because going back to the first date, like, it was the best first date I've ever been on. You know, my friend set us up. She's like, I found the perfect guy for you. He was six, six, like 200, like, big, muscular guy. And I was like, oh, my God, like, it was beautiful. I was so attracted to him. And it turned into this whirlwind and it was crazy. And it was. And I remember along the way, Hillary, like, there are things I'm like, slow down. And I wouldn't slow down. I was like, oh, I gotta keep the momentum going because he sees me, he likes me, because all my life, it's like, you always want somebody to like you and to see you. And so I realized one of my big things was I was always looking outside instead of looking inside. Like, looking outside for affirmation, looking outside for acceptance, looking outside. So I was always hungry for that, and he provided that. But what was interesting is he had his insecurities. I came in with mine and it was this very. I had a very tumultuous marriage. Very tumultuous. It was either wonderful or it was God awful. And, you know, he would threaten to leave, like, I'm leaving. And I would leech on, don't leave. I would literally, abandonment issues would be like, flying high, and I'm grabbing onto him for dear life, saying, please don't leave me, please don't leave me. It was intense. But then. And so. But then it would be like these moments of like, oh, you're the greatest thing ever. So you're like, okay, okay. So those little crumbs just kind of keep you in the game. And those little glimpses of hope would just keep me in the game for the 12 years that we were together. And so. And over time, I was like, I literally. My light just got dimmer and dimmer and dimmer because I allowed that to happen, you know, And I don't. I don't point my finger at him. I own that. I'm like, I allowed this to happen. And that's the work that I, That I've been doing of, like, I realized that I have to take responsibility for my actions in that marriage. And I showed up in ways that I'm like, ooh, you know, that was like in desperation. Desperation, in agony, in pain. And like, I wasn't showing up in love. I was showing up in desperation in that marriage. And, you know, and I clung to that, man. I clung hard. And. But over time, like, you know, throughout our, you know, throughout the last couple of years, you know, he would threaten to leave and I was like, go ahead. You know, and then he would say, we would play this manipulative back and forth game. So for me, it was really. It was really unhealthy with an underlying current of love and friendship, which was really strange because we were really Good friends. So when, like, the shit would hit the fan, we'd sit out on the front porch and he'd be like, thank God we're friends. I'm like, thank God we're friends. And when he got sick, by the way, before he got sick, we were talking about separating. We're like, I'm like, I've had enough. Like, I've reached my breaking point where I'm like, I am done with trying to fit into this mold, that I'm too much for you, that I'm too this, that I'm too. I'm done. I need to be who I am, because I was getting sick of that. And even our lifestyles were different. He didn't like to travel. I love to travel. You know, I love to be around people. He wasn't as social as I was, so, you know, in looking back at all of that, I'm like, it really did shine a light on stuff. And when he got sick, we did have a big blowout. I was like, you don't. I'm like, I'm not going anywhere. You don't kick somebody when they're down. I'm like, we are friends, and I love you. I'm never going to stop loving you. And so, you know, having gone through that, like, watching him get sick and being with him through his sickness actually brought us together because it's like when you're staring death in the face, you all of a sudden let go of the shit that doesn't matter. And for the first time in 12 years, that man leaned into me, and I was like, oh, there you are. I've been looking for you the entire. Where the hell have you been? You know, so it was a really powerful. And. Yeah, it was. Oh, my God, it was so I could cry. So, you know, and like I said, I. I think back and about all that I did and acted, and I'm like. And I want to hug that woman so much and be like, oh. Oh, my goodness. You were in so much pain, and you two could not figure out how to love each other in a way that you wanted to be loved. So. Yeah.
- [12:55]
Hilary
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's just an incredible story.
- [12:58]
Charlene
Yeah.
- [12:59]
Hilary
I almost got teary for a second, too. Like, I did, actually. I'm, like, not going to go to the. But like, that. I think that probably is probably what a lot of people have in their relationship, which is, like, highs and lows, don't know how to get out of it. You can't live with. Can't live without Somebody.
- [13:18]
Charlene
Yeah.
- [13:19]
Hilary
And it's a lot. It's not bad enough to leave.
- [13:23]
Charlene
It's, you know, oh, the negotiations in this brain. Ooh. The justifications that you sit in that brain, like, you know. Yeah. And then. Oh, and then I don't want to be alone. And, you know, I'd rather be with this and then be alone. Like, you literally do go through a lot of, like, turmoil in your mind.
- [13:39]
Hilary
I mean, people stay in that. Should I stay or should I go? For years at that limbo of. Right. It's not bad enough to leave, but it's not great enough to stay. And can I take this anymore? So, you know, we always talk in the program about the lessons and the blessings and how everything ends up working out in your favor. Well, it's definitely not a good thing that he's gone. However, for you being the survivor of that relationship, to learn your lessons for yourself is a gift. That's all that you can do with it. So then moving forward, then when you were dating, were you seeing yourself showing up the same way as you had been in your marriage?
- [14:24]
Charlene
Yeah, I did. And it was interesting because I was saying to myself, I'm like, oh, all the stuff that I've been gone through, all the healing stuff, all the last, like X amount of years, and all of a sudden I'm like, I'm attracting a people like him, you know, with their insecurities and the heaviness and the intensity, it was so intense. And I'm like, this is not good. And I could just feel it in my bones. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm going down the same rabbit hole. I'm going down the same path that I was doing before, but I don't know what to do about it. I'm like, I need help. That's what I was saying. I'm like, I can't figure this out on my own. I need help. Yeah.
- [14:55]
Hilary
Well, this is how women go through, whether it's a divorce or just ending a long relationship. It's how women end up repeating patterns. Right. You go through the whole laborious, exhausting process of dismantling a life together if it's by choice and divorce or whatever, it's not the same with a death, but like moving on from a relationship only to then find yourself in another one that's exactly the same. It's just a big blind spot. So I love that you were able to self reflect enough to see. Oh, my God, I'm doing it again. I'm inviting this dynamic.
- [15:29]
Charlene
Yeah, I was like, no, thank you. I cannot do this. I can't.
- [15:33]
Hilary
Yeah.
- [15:33]
Charlene
Because I was just living, reliving, and owning what I was reliving. I'm like, no way.
- [15:37]
Hilary
Well, and a lot of women do that. They see where they're going wrong, but they don't know what to do differently and how to do it. So it's knowing better but not doing better. Sounds like where you were stuck.
- [15:48]
Charlene
Well, it's almost like you have, like, a textbook that you learn something from, and then when you go to apply it, you're like, I don't know how to. Wait a minute. That's.
- [15:55]
Hilary
I'm not.
- [15:55]
Charlene
Wait, hold on. I'm not doing right. And that was what it was. I'm like, I know. I know what I'm supposed to do. I know how things are supposed to be, but I'm not actually implementing that. You know, I'm not employing that. Yeah. I'm not living that.
- [16:06]
Hilary
Yeah. It's execution, like, you know, like executing it, like, on paper. I know what I'm supposed to do, but what does that look like in action? Okay, so what I want to know now, then share with everybody what you came to learn about what you were doing wrong or what needed to heal for you, like, what specific. You know, there's the behaviors and how you're acting and what you're doing, but there's also kind of underneath it all, like, what's going on at the deeper level. So whatever insights from the program that you got or tools that you. That were really that stuck with you, that helped you see this and then shift it.
- [16:40]
Charlene
I mean, for me, I can. I almost know the modules really well, so. And, you know, one of the biggest things that really, initially, when I first started watching them, was the sunny side up. I love that. Where you're talking about how we eclipse one another in relationships, but you're like, no, there's space for you. And then your togetherness and that visual was so really powerful. That was the first thing that I was like, you can coexist together and stay exactly who you are. Because to me, one of the things that I will never do is dim my light again. My light is shining brightly. So by going through this program and all these amazing things that you come along, you come to realize how you're showing up and what my insecurities were, the abandonment issues and not being enough, not being lovable, you know, and so. And just having. And always looking outside for those affirmations, you know, and me going through that and the. How dare you Exercises on the things that were. In the ways that you were wronged and, and the family expectations. Like, it's like, holy crap. And how, you know, you're showing up as like a connector in one space and a differentiator in others. And I'm like, oh, I'm a connector when I'm with my brother. But is it an interesting that I'm the differentiated, the overbear when I'm with. You know, it's just so interesting like when you're. What I love is the consciousness of things. And again, the way that you frame things is different from anything I've ever experienced. Like we've got. I've gone through the childhood whatever, but you do it in such a way that I'm like, damn, this is. Oh, oh my God. Like I've had so many like epiphanies as I would go through this program and you know, and like when you go through that like the, the ace conversation was one of my. I do it all the time. I'm acing constantly. Like I'm always talking to like one of my little ones. I've got like a 12 year old, I've got an 8 year old, I've got a fucking. I, you know, I had like a, my 50, my 53 year old from a few months ago, right. So I was talking to her. And so it's like you have these great tools that you actually provide that you can, that you, that you use forever, right? That you can. That just become part of your identity. The thing I struggled with the most honestly was putting together my non negotiable, my values, my non negotiables. I had took me three weeks because I had never realized, I never asked myself what I wanted, what do I want? It was always about, oh, he sees me, he wants me, he sees, oh, he wants me, he wants me. And I never asked myself what I wanted. And it right, I'm like, that was like my, that's probably my like, hello. I had never asked myself, what do I want in a, like in a guy? And that's why it took me so long. And it was like, I can't like wow. And it was, at first I was like, holy. I was just blown away by that. And then when I dove deep into it, I dug deep. I'm like. And I put all that together. All my values, all my non negotiables. I was like, okay. And now I like, they are with me, they are present any. You know, so when I went back into the dating pool, you know, the different guys were showing up, like, different. Different energies were coming.
- [19:34]
Hilary
Charlene was different.
- [19:35]
Charlene
Charlene. Charlene showed up, and I'm like, there she is, you know? Yeah. And, like, all that I am and realizing and. But the other thing, too, Hilary, is that I. The biggest. Even bigger than, like, asking, like, for what I want. I fell in love with myself in this program. I am like. I am like. I'm like. I'm fucking awesome. I'm pretty fucking great, you know? And so that's what my big takeaway is. I'm like. I'm like, yeah, so nobody. I have this impervious, you know, space in my little world that, you know that it's like, people, like, they talk about boundaries, and mine is, like, this little warm space with a fireplace and, like, books and all. People can come visit, and it's like, you can come. You can come and, you know, let go of the outcome. That was another big takeaway. I don't care about outcomes. You know, I'm just living in the moment. I'm living in the. And I'm living for me.
- [20:30]
Hilary
Hi, it's Hilary. If you're like me, you want to give gifts that people actually love, the kind that makes them light up and squeal with delight. That was my exact reaction when I got my first bubble cuddle blanket from Cozier. I grabbed it and immediately wrapped it around myself. It's absolutely gorgeous. Unbelievably soft, and it looks and feels luxurious. So it's the kind of gift that becomes an instant favorite. You'll get texts weeks later saying they use it every single day, whether it's family, movie nights, morning coffee on the couch, or curling up by the fire with the book. It's the blanket everyone reaches for when they want to feel cozy. My family loved ours so much, I had to order a second one because we were literally fighting over it. You can stack my Code Ready for Love on top of their site. Wide sale for up to 40% off. Shop now@cozyearth.com with code ready for Love and be the person who gives the super special gift everyone keeps talking about. Wrap the ones you love in luxury this holiday season. I care deeply about what goes into my body, what I eat, what I drink. And that includes the quality of the air in my home. Most people don't realize we spend about 90% of our time indoors. And the air inside can be up to 100 times more polluted than the air outside. That's why I use Air Doctor, the air purifier I trust to Help me create a healthier home for myself and my family. It removes 99.99% of dangerous contaminants, allergens, mold spores, smoke, even viruses. Newsweek named it the best air purifier. And 98% of Air Doctor customers agree their air feels cleaner, safer and healthier too. It even captures particles 100 times smaller than standard HEPA filters. If you're ready to breathe easier and create a healthier home for you and your family, get this exclusive podcast only offer now at airdoctorpro.com and use the promo code ready for up to $300 off. You'll get a 30 day money back guarantee and a 3 year warranty for free. That's airdoctorpro.com promo code ready? Because clean air is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your family. Oh my God, my cheeks hurt so bad.
- [22:44]
Charlene
Right? And that's, that's what it is. Like I'm living for me and I'm like, it feels so good and I'm doing what I want to do.
- [22:51]
Hilary
Yes.
- [22:51]
Charlene
You know, oh my gosh, you just.
- [22:52]
Hilary
Said so many amazing things that I want to go back to and break it all down for our listeners.
- [22:55]
Charlene
Yes, let's break it down.
- [22:57]
Hilary
Yeah, the non negotiables. Like, honestly, so many women, and you'd be surprised how many high achieving, super successful, smart women, educated women show up in their love lives just taking what they're getting and not getting what they want because they don't even know a what they want. That they can ask for what they want, that they can choose what they want. They're not clear what they want. And so some guy comes along and he's interested in you and you're like, okay, I'm interested because you're interested in me.
- [23:26]
Charlene
Yes.
- [23:26]
Hilary
And that is like such a low bar. Hello. How many men are going to be interested in you because you're interesting and you're amazing? That is not a reason to be interested in somebody.
- [23:37]
Charlene
Yes.
- [23:37]
Hilary
So I love that. And that's like you said, one of the biggest things, but you listed so many of the tools and it just always, always, like, I know there's a lot in there and, and it's just a lot. But when I hear women talk about it, it's like, oh, yeah, that, oh, that and that. Like, I created that. And it's so amazing. And you're right, it's one stacked on top of another after another after another. And they all work together in this really synergistic way to get deep down into the part of you that actually unlocks the change. Because so many women have done a lot of work on themselves already. And so they have all the knowledge, like we said at the beginning, where you know better, but you're not doing better. It's not. It's just not integrating. It's not becoming.
- [24:24]
Charlene
Yes.
- [24:24]
Hilary
It doesn't unlock. And so all these different modalities and metaphors and things and tools that I'm giving.
- [24:32]
Charlene
Get.
- [24:32]
Hilary
Get access, like, it finally is like, gets the access to the deep part of yourself so that it actually clicks over and changes. And so the Sunny side Up, which came up on the last interview too, that we did for the listeners, is really my model. So you're not going to Google it and find it. It is my creation. It is how, after working with couples for 15 years, I developed this new framework for understanding what it means to be healthy in a relationship, how to be healthy in a relationship. And it is called the Sunny side Up because it looked. There's a visual model of it, and it looks like two fried eggs. And I couldn't think of any other thing to call it. So that's what. But it is so profound. And we teach that in the very first 20 minutes because it's like getting slapped in the face with. Holy shit.
- [25:28]
Charlene
Yes.
- [25:29]
Hilary
I've been doing it wrong my whole life.
- [25:30]
Charlene
That was huge, by the way. That was one of the. I was like, oh, my God. It was so arresting. And so that just knocked me on my ass in such a good way. I was like, oh. Oh, my God. You know what it was? It was hope, it was possible. It was possibility. Oh, my God. I've been seeing things. I'm shifting my lens as we speak. Just by. But just by that. That diagram alone just shifted something inside. Yeah.
- [25:56]
Hilary
It is pretty amazing.
- [25:57]
Charlene
It was brilliant. Hilar. It's brilliant. Well, thank you. Your program is. It's a brilliantly. I mean, is brilliant program. I still journal. I journal every day. Yeah. I manifest. I have visualizations. I manifest things in my head and they come. It's like unbelievable. So, you know, it really is the.
- [26:14]
Hilary
Perfect combination of doing like, the science of psychology and neuroscience to change your brain. And the manifesting law of attraction stuff, it really is where science meets woo, kind of. And the multiple modalities that are in this program that really help us reprogram the deepest parts of ourselves. You said so many of those tools, and I'm trying to remember some of.
- [26:38]
Charlene
The ace I talked about. The ace. The ace, yes. Yeah.
- [26:41]
Hilary
Well, that's A brilliant contribution to the program by Sherry, our lead coach, who's like zone of genius. And her area of expertise, where she actually creates some of her own, you know, body of work is around the inner child healing. And the ACE conversation is something that Sheri created that helps women walk through how to talk to the little you inside of you. She calls it your little who to actually continue the healing in a way, even now. And it is brilliant.
- [27:14]
Charlene
The way I see the ACE conversation is like, you get to go back and reparent yourself in a way that you weren't. That you did. That you didn't get. Like, you get to be the parent, so you get to take charge. And that, again, goes. You're taking your power back. That's what this is all about. You're taking back your power. And several. You're being empowered. This is a program of empowerment. Yes. Literally, you know, and that. Right. And that falling in love with yourself. And that to me, that was like, I am. Like I said, I will not compromise myself ever again. Like, I won't. So this. So you have changed this. You have changed my life. Yeah, my life has completely changed.
- [27:50]
Hilary
Well, you changed your life.
- [27:52]
Charlene
You did it. You gave me the tools. How about this? You gave me the tools to change my life in a way that I was, you know, like you said, I've been. Do I have so much education behind things. But it was like, I wasn't doing. I wasn't enacting it. And you created a program that made it possible to do that.
- [28:10]
Hilary
Yeah. Thank you so much. It's. Yeah, it just gets better and better. So everybody wants to know, are you dating somebody? What's going on in your love life?
- [28:19]
Charlene
I am. So the funny thing is, is when I went back into the ring, if you will, you know, I had the you me profile, was playful, so I was getting a lot of, you know, stuff coming back. And I actually lowered the age group of guys that I was seeing because I was like, oh, my friends are like, you are so energetic. You are so alive. Go younger. See what happens. I'm like, okay. So a whole pool of, you know, people did. And so what was interesting is every guy I would go out with was like, a really great guy, but they got better and better and better. So the guy right before, the guy I'm seeing now, intellectually great human being, but the heat wasn't there. But I'm like, oh, my God, but he's such a great guy. And it's like, no, no, no, we're.
- [29:04]
Hilary
Not doing that maybe the old you would have stayed and tried to make it work.
- [29:07]
Charlene
The old me would have stayed and tried to make it work. I know that because that was the old me. And that's where I had the ace conversation with her. I'm like, listen, you, you know, I know we're two for three, but we're going to be three for three because we are abundant. We are a banquet. We're not getting crumbs. We're going for the whole fricking thing. So, you know, and like a very nice conversation with the guy or whatever. And then I came with, you know, met this very like sweet, handsome guy who's, you know, he's wonderful. He's just a great human being. And we talk. Heat, heart, head. What was the third head? Thank you. Heat, heart and head. I'm like, boom, check, check, check. All the non negotiable, everything just checks. I'm like, wow. And just continues to surprise me about what an amazing human being that he is. And it's like, oh. And the other thing that I love, I'm in no rush. I'm not worried about outcomes. I'm not setting any long term goals. I am literally living in the moment and embracing the moment and just enjoying the time. Getting to know him, him getting to know me, learning about each and just enjoying the space that we have together while also enjoying the space that I like to myself. So like, it's like when you think about what you want, I am getting exactly what I want. So, you know, because I do enjoy my freedom. I do enjoy, you know, because I'm a busy woman, I'm building this whole career, but I'm also enjoying having this space with this really lovely human being who is bringing out my creativity and encouraging me to do things. And it's just, it's such a. I'm like, this is. There's no. Like, I would often come from a space of desperate. I'm just coming from a space of love and giving and receiving. And I'm feminine. I'm so feminine with him. Like, you know, not trying to control anything. And I'm just like, I'm sitting back and he's like cooking me dinner. He's like, you know, what else can I do for you? I'm like, okay. You know, it's just so nice. I'm like such a girl and I love it. I'm like, I'm like just loving this, you know, and it's like, I know I can.
- [31:04]
Hilary
Yeah, I love that as you were dating the second time around after the program, the quality of men that you were attracting got better. And as you continued to elevate yourself and show up more and more, you. You were attracting more and more great men. That's how it works. It is a mirror. Like attracts like. And so I just love you. Just waited until you found all three things. All your boxes checked. It's all of it. But you also trusted yourself to know the difference. Right? There's a difference between a list on paper and recognizing it in real life when it's standing in front of you and that you're not on the lookout for the red flags. You just trust yourself. If something doesn't feel right, you're gonna take care of it. Or it's not right. Like the guy before, the one you're seeing now, like, slowly unfolded that it wasn't right.
- [31:59]
Charlene
Yeah.
- [31:59]
Hilary
You can trust yourself not to sacrifice, not to settle, not to sell out and to wait.
- [32:06]
Charlene
Yes.
- [32:07]
Hilary
So how long has it been then?
- [32:09]
Charlene
So it's. We're like a couple of months in now, you know, it's like maybe two and a half months in. And it's really nice. And I'm having so much fun. Like, I don't feel any pressure. And it's like I'm in the fact. And I like the slowness of it, you know? Cause I'm just like. And I love how there's no rush, there's nowhere, you know? And I just. And to me, it's just so exciting. And then like the other thing, it's like, you know, the chemistry on all levels is powerful. Do you know what I mean? Yes. We're singing karaoke and we're having fun. And he's like, we gotta write a song because I want you to record me. Record you? Because you have such a lovely voice. I mean, he's adorable, you know? And so, like I said, he's bringing out things in me that I've always been aware of, but just never really channeled. And he's like, no, no, let's do that. Like, I have a keyboard in the basement. He's like, do you play this? I'm like, I want to. He's showing me. He's like, oh, why don't you start with these cores? He's so cute. You know what I mean? That's like really sweet, easy little things. Got me a journal because he knows I love to write. Got me these cute little books on self care. Because he's like, oh, your clients might like these and might be useful for them. You know what I Mean, like, just these little thoughtful things. And his heart is good, and he's a generous, beautiful human being. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm. I. Oh, I'm seeing a mirror here, you know, and it's just really. And I'm like, wow, amazing. When you. And when you show up in your full, loving, you know, self, like, where you are so, like, you know, you are so in and with yourself and loving yourself, you shine that light out, and that's what you attract back. And that's the biggest thing that I'm. That I'm seeing. Yeah, well.
- [33:41]
Hilary
And you're not showing up starved for that.
- [33:44]
Charlene
No.
- [33:44]
Hilary
So, no, you're not settling and you're not in a rush because you already have what you need. So he's just.
- [33:50]
Charlene
Yes.
- [33:50]
Hilary
Like, you are your own reward in all of this. He's just the cherry on top, really.
- [33:56]
Charlene
He really is. And the thing is, is, like, if it doesn't, I don't care if it works out or not. I'm going to be fine because I've got me. I'm my best friend. I'm my bff, you know? That's what it is. It's like. And knowing that it is so freeing. You're like, okay, so you could just be in the present and enjoy what you have instead of like, well, what about this and what about that? I had a friend, she's like, well, what about, what about. I'm like, why don't you take your projections and take a deep breath? I don't care. You know, I'm not worried about it. So. Yeah.
- [34:23]
Hilary
Oh, my God. Well, I feel so lucky that you crossed our path because you were the perfect client for us. This is my favorite outcome, of course, and that now you get to come be a part of our team and help other women rock the journey and get to the place where they feel as amazing about themselves as you do about yours. So is there anything that you want to say to anybody who's listening, who's on the fence, and they're thinking, oh, should I?
- [34:49]
Charlene
Shouldn't I?
- [34:49]
Hilary
What if it doesn't work for me? Or, I don't know, maybe it's too scary? Or, like, what words of wisdom do you have now that you're on the other side?
- [34:58]
Charlene
For those of you who are, like, questioning, just imagine a whole new world for yourself, because, again, it is. I, I, I could cry how beautiful it is. Like you, it. Don't waste the time. It's, it's. The time is now. If you're on the fence. Cross over the fence. Let the courage take grip. Grip the hand of your fear and walk together into that light. Because, you know, it's like, that's what your life will change if you're ready to show up. Like, when you are ready to show up, your whole life is going to change in such a way that you will be like this force of love and nature that is going to attract exactly what you want and exactly what you deserve. That is what you're going to get out of this. You are going to attract the most amazing human beings. Not just people you're dating, but other human beings are going to come into your life that are. Are absolutely magnificent. So that's what it is. It's like you show up in your authentic, true self where you're just like, everything is. It's. It's like you're like a. It's like you're like superpower. You're showing up in your full self. And that's what this program has done. I show up fully and completely myself. I take up space. I am proud to take up space in this world. And I love the love that I shine out, that I have from within. That just shines out. So, yeah, take up space, girl.
- [36:12]
Hilary
Take it up.
- [36:14]
Charlene
Damn right to take up space. You know, I love it. I'm here, you know, I'm alive, and I want. And this also gets you to live your life to the fullest. You want to live fully. This will teach you how to live fully. Yeah, you know, nothing's holding me back. Yeah, that's what. You live fully. Like, you live fully because that's the thing. Like, after, like, Todd died, there was a time I was like, I was ready to take myself out, but there was a moment I woke up and I was like, no, I want to live. I want to live. And this is living. This is absolute living, where there's nothing holding you back. And you're. And like, my whole career is just launching. Like, I am. I have, like, there's opportunities just in abundance coming my way, and that's what it is. I have the abundance mindset. That's the other thing. There's no scarcity. I'm like, there's enough for all of us. There's enough for me. There's enough to go around. So there's so many. When I tell you, as I keep talking about, oh, my God, there's so much more that we keep unearthing that I got out of this program. So it is just, holy shit, it is a masterpiece.
- [37:12]
Hilary
I have to say, like, some of my.
- [37:13]
Charlene
Yeah, you should give yourself a giant. Yeah. No, they're like, you.
- [37:17]
Hilary
You put too much in there. I'm like, no, we're solving the problem. Whatever it takes.
- [37:21]
Charlene
No, you didn't.
- [37:21]
Hilary
Yeah.
- [37:22]
Charlene
And women go back. I went back and rewatched several videos and things like that. There was. There's a video. I think it's module six or seven. Like, when you're out doing file. Going out on a date, you do, like this awesome. Like, you're a badass or whatever. And I'm like. I'm like, yeah. And I would listen to it before I would go out on a date. Like, you know, just channel your inner femininity and your sexual. All that stuff. And I would just want. And I'm getting read and I'm listening. I'm like, yeah. It was just, you know, I mean, like, I mean, literally, you thought of everything. How about that? You thought of everything from start to finish. Yeah. So. And it was. This was so beautifully, cleverly, brilliantly pieced together. Yay.
- [37:58]
Hilary
Well, I describe it as an all you can eat buffet, like a smorgasbord. And you definitely came hungry and you gorged in all the goodness, and it shows. So, like, thank you so much for coming into this, doing the work for yourself. I'm so happy for you. And then also for sharing your story for all the listeners today.
- [38:18]
Charlene
Thank you.
- [38:18]
Hilary
It's just beautiful. And I hope everybody listening is happy for you. It's like, palpable. You're jumping off the screen as we're talking on zoom, and. Yeah, my cheeks still hurt.
- [38:30]
Charlene
No, thank you. This is awesome. I'm so many levels, so.
- [38:34]
Hilary
Yeah, well, I get to talk to you more now that you're part of our team, but I'm so excited to, you know, have you. And if anybody is listening and you want to take the next steps, just go to readyforloveinc.com forward slash, apply. Fill out an application to talk to us, and you might be our next client that Charlene gets to work with. So.
- [38:52]
Charlene
Yay. Yay.
- [38:54]
Hilary
Thanks for being here. We'll see you next time.