Ready For Love with Hilary Silver
Episode #95: Stop Settling in Relationships And Get What You Want In 2026
Release Date: December 19, 2025
Host: Hilary Silver

Episode Overview

In this empowering episode, Hilary Silver dives deep into the patterns and mindsets that keep smart, successful women stuck in unfulfilling relationships. Rather than blaming external circumstances or past partners, Hilary challenges listeners to look inward and take radical responsibility for the choices they've made in love. The goal: to break out of cycles of settling and finally create the love—and life—they truly desire in 2026.

Hilary lays out the core reasons women settle, debunks popular myths around “good enough” relationships, and provides a practical, step-by-step roadmap for raising your standards and refusing anything less than what sets your soul on fire.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

What Settling Really Looks Like ([01:13])

• Settling isn’t just about glaring problems; it’s about accepting "almost fits":
  • Dating someone who checks some boxes but not the ones that truly matter to you.
  • Staying in a roommate-style relationship with little emotional or physical connection.
  • Convincing yourself “no one’s perfect” while knowing deep down you’re unfulfilled.

“You wake up next to someone and you feel alone. You have great conversations with everyone except the person you’re supposed to be closest to.” – Hilary ([01:46])

The Emotional Toll of Settling ([03:00])

• Settling creates a cycle of frustration, disappointment, and ultimately resentment for both partners.
• Hilary emphasizes: “He didn’t promise you something he’s not delivering. You chose him, knowing he wasn’t really what you wanted. … Now you’re both stuck in a relationship where he can never make you happy.”

The Hard Truth: You're the One Choosing ([04:35])

• Hilary doesn’t sugarcoat: Women often actively choose to settle, even if it’s unconscious.
• Five main reasons you may be settling (most women experience more than one):

1. Self-Worth Issues ([05:02])

• Feeling “not enough” due to old stories (“the friend, never the girlfriend,” etc.), even among highly accomplished women.
• Alternatively, feeling “too much” and seeking someone who’ll simply tolerate you.

“I have clients who are neurosurgeons and aerospace engineers who think they are too boring or not interesting enough.” ([06:10])

2. Scarcity Mindset ([07:15])

• Belief that “no one’s perfect,” “this might be as good as it gets,” or “better take this one now.”
• Operates from subconscious fear, not truth.

3. Repeating Relationship Patterns from Childhood ([09:00])

• Unconsciously recreating relationship dynamics seen growing up (e.g., witnessing parental settling, dysfunction, or lack of validation).

4. Being Passive: Letting Yourself Be Chosen ([11:21])

• Deferring to who picks you, not actively choosing your partner.
• Lacking clarity on what you really want, leading to “accepting” instead of “choosing.”
• Relying on one missing attribute from a previous relationship as your new primary criterion.

“That’s not choosing, that’s accepting. That’s being chosen instead of choosing.” ([13:12])

5. Fear of Being Alone ([15:01])

• Settling to avoid singlehood, self-deception, and idealizing the idea of a relationship.
• Overlooking incompatibilities to fit the image of being partnered.

Memorable Quotes

• “You can’t get what you want if you keep accepting what you don’t.” ([00:48])
• “When you don’t feel like you’re enough, you don’t believe you deserve the kind of partner you actually want. So you settle for whoever shows interest.” ([06:25])
• “You are the one doing this to yourself. It’s not the dating pool, it is not your circumstances, IT’S YOU.” ([17:30])
• “If you’re the problem, then you’re the solution. You have the power to stop settling right now.” ([18:04])

7 Steps to Stop Settling & Get What You Want ([19:49])

1. Get Crystal Clear on What You Want
   • Beyond surface qualities: how do you want to feel, what values matter most, what kind of partnership do you want?
   • Write it down. Own it.

“If you don’t know what you want, you’ll accept anything.” ([20:17])

2. Stop Making Excuses for Red Flags

   • Don’t date “potential.” Look at who he is right now.
   • Move on if a relationship is lacking what you want.

3. Raise Your Standards (Unapologetically!)

   • Standards are self-respect, not being “too picky.”
   • “You’re not starving, so don’t eat crumbs.” ([22:55])

4. Stop Settling in All Areas of Life

   • Settling in career, friendships, health, or self-respect trickles into relationships.

“How you do one thing is how you do most things.” ([23:20])

5. Build an Unshakable Relationship with Yourself
   • Heal old wounds, challenge limiting beliefs, and develop self-trust so settling becomes impossible.

“When you know your worth, you just don’t settle. Period.” ([24:28])

6. Be Willing to Walk Away

   • Yes, being alone (or starting over) is hard, but “being alone is temporary. Settling can be a life sentence.” ([25:24])
   • Celebrate breakups—they create space for what you really want.

7. Trust That What You Want Exists

   • Shift from skepticism to belief: “Decide what you want is not only possible, it is inevitable. … That’s the energy that attracts it.” ([27:01])

Final Challenge & Call to Action ([28:20])

• As 2026 approaches, Hilary challenges listeners to:
  • Stop accepting less than they want.
  • Refuse to talk themselves into relationships that don’t fulfill.
  • Become the woman who welcomes the love—and life—they’ve always dreamed of.

“The only thing standing between you and the love that you want is your willingness to stop accepting what you don’t.” ([29:05])

Notable Moments & Takeaways

• Hilary’s direct style delivers paradigm-shifting truth with compassion and actionable advice.
• The “both of you are stuck” reframing (i.e., it’s not just about your happiness, but his too) is a standout.
• The episode culminates in a powerful reminder: radical responsibility is liberation, and deciding not to settle is the catalyst for everything to change.

For further transformation:
Join Hilary’s “Ready For Love” community and check out the 90-day journal and January challenge mentioned in the episode (details at readyforloveinc.com/challenge)

Ready For Love with Hilary Silver airs every Friday on all major podcast platforms and YouTube.