Believing This Lie Leads To A Life Of Regret

Summary

The Hilary Silver Podcast: “Believing This Lie Leads To A Life Of Regret” Episode Summary

Introduction

In the episode titled “Believing This Lie Leads To A Life Of Regret,” hosted by Hilary Silver, listeners are invited to rethink long-held beliefs about self-worth and personal responsibility. Hilary challenges the conventional wisdom that “the world doesn't revolve around you,” proposing instead a self-centered model where individuals are the central force in their own lives. This paradigm shift aims to empower listeners to take radical responsibility for their personal growth and happiness.

Challenging the Conventional Wisdom

Hilary begins by dissecting the common admonition, “The world doesn't revolve around you,” often heard from parents, teachers, and authority figures. While intended to teach social skills and humility, Hilary argues that this message is fundamentally misguided and detrimental, particularly for girls, encouraging them to view themselves as inherently selfish or wrong.

“It’s really infusion with judgment. How dare you actually think that you’ll get this thing that you want when others want it too. What makes you think you’re so special?” (00:30)

She contends that this phrase diminishes self-worth and disconnects individuals from their inner truth and personal power, setting the stage for her self-centered model.

Core Concept 1: Your World Revolves Around You

Hilary introduces the first core concept:

1. Personal Centrality: Every aspect of your life—health, relationships, career, finances, and hobbies—centers around you. You are the sun in your own universe, and these areas orbit around you.

   “You are at the center of all the things in your life. So yes, you are the sun in your own universe.” (02:15)

2. Impact of Internal State: Your emotions and mindset directly affect these areas. Approaching life with positivity and courage fosters growth, while negativity can lead to stagnation.

   “If you show up with love and courage, hope, faith, positivity, those areas of your life will prosper.” (03:00)

3. Self-Reflection Over External Solutions: Instead of immediately seeking external changes when dissatisfied, Hilary encourages exploring personal beliefs and feelings to initiate internal transformation.

   “Looking at yourself is key, and those questions are actually uplifting and empowering.” (04:10)

Core Concept 2: Spend More Time Thinking About Yourself

The second core concept emphasizes the importance of self-reflection:

1. Avoiding Autopilot Living: Neglecting self-examination leads to living life passively, resulting in regrets and unfulfilled potential.

   “You end up taking what you’re getting rather than actually getting what you want.” (05:00)

2. Intentional Living: By regularly assessing and understanding your desires and values, you can make choices that align with your true self, ensuring all areas of your life reflect your authentic intentions.

3. Long-Term Fulfillment: Investing time in self-awareness prevents future regrets by fostering a life that is true to oneself.

   “When you get to the end of the line and you’re 90 years old, looking back on it all, you have serious regrets because you never took the time to be with yourself.” (05:45)

Core Concept 3: How You Do One Thing Is How You Do Many Things

Hilary's third core concept highlights the interconnectedness of personal growth:

1. Ripple Effect of Improvement: Enhancing one area of your life positively impacts all other areas, much like the sun’s energy radiates outward.

   “How you do one thing is how you do many things. And it fits so perfectly with this concept of being at the center of your own life.” (06:30)

2. Holistic Growth: Personal development in one domain, such as career or health, naturally elevates other aspects like relationships and personal well-being.

3. Consistent Self-Improvement: By continuously working on yourself, you ensure comprehensive growth that benefits every facet of your life.

Hilary’s Personal Story

Hilary shares a transformative personal experience to illustrate her concepts:

• Struggle and Realization: She recounts her difficulties in transitioning from a private practice to an online coaching business, initially seeking external solutions to no avail.

  “Once I realized it was me, I was the problem.” (07:15)

• Internal Work and Success: Acknowledging her internal limiting beliefs enabled her to break through barriers, leading to both professional success and personal growth.

  “Once I worked through that and actually changed my brain, I finally broke through.” (08:00)

• Holistic Benefits: The personal growth from this realization not only propelled her business forward but also improved her relationships and overall quality of life.

  “Everything in my life leveled up because I leveled up.” (08:45)

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Hilary wraps up the episode by reinforcing that being self-centered is not about selfishness but about recognizing one’s central role in their own life. By prioritizing self-care and personal growth, individuals can positively influence every other aspect of their existence.

“When you show up as your best self for one area of your life, it has a profound effect on everything else.” (09:30)

She encourages listeners to adopt this self-centered approach to cultivate a life of fulfillment and to avoid the regrets associated with neglecting one’s own needs and desires.

Key Takeaways

• Embrace Personal Centrality: Understand that you are the central force in your own life, and your internal state directly affects all areas around you.

• Prioritize Self-Reflection: Regularly invest time in understanding your thoughts, beliefs, and desires to live an intentional and fulfilling life.

• Recognize Interconnected Growth: Improving yourself in one area will naturally elevate other aspects of your life, creating a holistic sense of well-being.

Notable Quotes

1. “You are at the center of all the things in your life. So yes, you are the sun in your own universe.” (02:15)
2. “If you show up with love and courage, hope, faith, positivity, those areas of your life will prosper.” (03:00)
3. “Looking at yourself is key, and those questions are actually uplifting and empowering.” (04:10)
4. “You end up taking what you’re getting rather than actually getting what you want.” (05:00)
5. “Once I realized it was me, I was the problem.” (07:15)
6. “When you show up as your best self for one area of your life, it has a profound effect on everything else.” (09:30)

Final Encouragement

Hilary encourages listeners to adopt a self-centered approach not out of selfishness, but as a means to truly empower themselves and enhance every aspect of their lives. By centering your world around you, you pave the way for a life filled with purpose, fulfillment, and minimal regret.

Subscribe and Share

Hilary reminds listeners to subscribe, leave a five-star review, and share the podcast with friends to continue spreading these empowering conversations.

“If you’re enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend.” (00:50)

Closing Note

This episode serves as a compelling guide to reorienting one’s perspective towards self-empowerment and intentional living. Hilary Silver’s insights challenge listeners to take proactive control of their lives, fostering a deep sense of personal responsibility and growth.

Transcript

[Hillary Silver]

The world doesn't revolve around you. Have you heard that phrase? Maybe someone once said that to you. A parent or a teacher, someone entrusted with guiding your growth as a human. They meant well and the intent was likely to teach you social skills, how to get along with others in society, to know your place in the pecking order, and that we take others into consideration that you're not the only one who wants the thing. Other people might want it too, but it's a super shaming statement with so much emotion behind it. It's really infused with judgment. How dare you actually think that you'll get this thing that you want when others want it too. What makes you think you're so special? It's kind of a slap in the face that quickly can put a child in their place. Message received loud and clear. To think about ourselves as bad or wrong. It's self indulgent and selfish. Something like that. And thus the conditioning continues from nearly every area of our lives, especially for girls, that it's bad to think of your. But this is extremely misguided. It's diminishing, misleading, and it disconnects us from our own inner truth, our own personal power. So I'm about to turn your world upside down in the best possible way. Because yes, in fact, it does. Despite what you've been told, the world does revolve around you. Your world revolves around you. And my world revolves around me. And this is the second core concept of my self centered, model self. So let's get to it. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Hillary Silver Podcast. Thanks for tuning into the conversation today. If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five star rating on your podcast app. Leave a review and subscribe. So you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend. Because if you like it, they will probably like it too. Okay, so your world does revolve around you. There are three things to understand about this core concept. First, think about all the areas of your life for a minute. Your health and wellness. Your body and fitness. Your friendships. Your children, if you have them. Your love life, your career, your home, your finances, your hobbies. You get the idea. All of those things are parts of your life and they all orbit around you. You are at the center of all the things in your life. So yes, you are the sun in your own universe. You provide the energy to all those things. They are all dependent upon you, what you bring to those areas, how you show up in those areas, they all depend on you. If you show up in certain areas of your life with dread, fear, ambivalence, lack of clarity, depressed, anxious, angry or resentful, those areas of your life will suffer. Whereas if you show up with love and courage, hope, faith, positivity, those areas of your life will prosper. So when there's an area of your life that is not thriving or fulfilling and you want it to be better, rather than focus on tactical things to improve it, start with exploring your own beliefs, thoughts and feelings about it. So for example, if you find yourself unhappy at your job, dreading going to work every day, feeling unmotivated, or constantly stressed, the first instinct might be to look for external solutions like changing jobs, asking for a raise, or trying to avoid certain co workers. But instead start by exploring your beliefs and feelings about your work. Ask yourself these questions. Do I believe my work is meaningful or do I feel stuck in something unfulfilling? Am I clear about what I want from my career, or am I just going through the motions? How am I showing up each day? Am I bringing negativity or resentment into the workplace? We can get stuck blaming a boss or colleagues or the work environment. And while there may be some truth to those variables, not being great, blaming does nothing to solve the problem, nor does it actually make us feel better. And when we believe the problem is external, we may go through the process of looking for a new job and starting over at a new job, only to end up experiencing the same exact situation. So looking at yourself is key, and those questions are actually uplifting and empowering. You can start to change your experience at work even before any external changes happen. When you shift, your reality always follows. This is building upon the first core concept from our last conversation. Second, you need to spend more time thinking about yourself, not less. Not spending enough time thinking about yourself means you end up living life on autopilot, living by default, sleepwalking through life, living your life within the guardrails. Really, you end up taking what you're getting rather than actually getting what you want. It's not an intentionally lived life. If you don't take the time to think about yourself, examine yourself, reflect on yourself, really, truly being with yourself, being brutally honest with yourself about who you are, what you want, what's important to you, then you never really know yourself and you cannot make choices that align and then all the other areas of your life suffer. And this is how people end up living a life that is not true to themselves. And when they get to the end of the line and they're 90 years old, looking back on it all, they have serious regrets because they never took the time to be with themselves, to think about themselves, and then to live a more crafted and curated life. For all areas of your life to be what you really want them to be, you must know that it all starts with you at the center of it all. So yes, you can and you should think about yourself more what you want, ask for it and expect to get it. It can be you who is one of the ones getting what you want. It is up to it is your decision. Now. It's a simple decision. It's a declaration. You are entitled to take up space and begin to live your life very purposefully in a way that is true to you. And it all starts by knowing that you are at the center of your life. You are the most important person in your life. So treat yourself as such when you deny, neglect, abandonment, dismiss, ignore yourself at the center of everything. Again, every other part of your life reflects that. This leads me to the final point I want to make about this second core concept. Have you ever heard of the phrase how you do one thing is how you do everything? I prefer to say how you do one thing is how you do many things. And it fits so perfectly with this concept of being at the center of your own life. When you take the time to focus on how you're showing up in one area of your life, whether it's your career, your health or your relationships, you're not just improving that one area by virtue of the self examination, self reflection, self awareness and growth that you experience. In elevating yourself, you naturally begin to elevate all the other areas as well. The impact is far reaching and the other areas of your life will benefit from from this new, improved version of you. For example, I struggled for years trying to leave my private practice and start my online coaching company. I spent time and energy and effort and money chasing after new strategies and the right next person to help me and nothing I was doing was working. But once I realized it was me, I was the problem. Remember that from core concept number one? Once I realized it was me and accepted it was me, I unlocked everything. I worked on my own deep limiting beliefs that I didn't have what it takes and I couldn't handle the success that I was trying so desperately hard to to achieve that somehow the big success I was dreaming about and working so hard to achieve was actually just not for me. Other people can have it, but not me. Once I worked through that and actually changed my brain, I finally broke through. Not only did my business completely explode, the personal growth that I experienced in that process elevated all the other areas of my life as well. I felt more confident as a leader in my business, but also I was a better mom and a better friend and a better partner. Everything in my life leveled up because I leveled up. That's the power of being at the center. It's not about being selfish or self absorbed. It's about realizing that when you show up as your best self for one area of your life, it has a profound effect on everything else. Your energy, your clarity, and your sense of purpose radiate outward just like the sun and touch everything in your life. When you neglect yourself, all areas of your life will suffer. But when you are your own best friend, you are well cared for, tended to, nourished, valued and fortified by you. All the other areas of your life benefit from it. I hope you're starting to see how these core concepts build on each other. If you didn't catch the last episode that I did just yesterday, actually go back and listen or watch that one now. And if you're enjoying this content, please make sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode and I'll see you next time.