Podcast Summary: "How Letting Go Is the Ultimate Power Move"
The Hilary Silver Podcast
Host: Hilary Silver
Release Date: January 10, 2025
Introduction
In the final installment of the five-part series on the Self Centered Model, Hilary Silver delves into what she considers her favorite core concept: "The Outcome is Internal." This episode, titled "How Letting Go Is the Ultimate Power Move," explores the transformative power of shifting focus from external outcomes to internal states, empowering listeners to reclaim their personal power and find peace amidst life's uncertainties.
Recap of the Five Core Concepts
Before unpacking today’s topic, Hilary briefly revisits the preceding four core concepts that lay the foundation for the Self Centered Model:
- You're Always the Problem and the Solution in Your Life.
- The World Does Revolve Around You.
- In Your Life, You Come First and You Go First.
- Identity is a Choice.
Hilary emphasizes that each concept builds upon the previous ones, creating a cohesive framework for personal transformation.
The Outcome is Internal
Understanding the Internal Outcome
Hilary introduces the fifth core concept, "The Outcome is Internal," as a radical shift in how we perceive and interact with the world. She argues that much of our suffering, stress, and anxiety stem from our desire for certainty and our attempts to control external circumstances—elements that are inherently unpredictable and beyond our control.
Notable Quote:
"So much of our suffering, stress and anxiety comes from seeking certainty in a world with so much uncertainty."
— Hilary Silver [00:00]
The Trap of Seeking Control
Hilary explains that when we tie our peace of mind, well-being, and even self-worth to external outcomes—such as job success, relationships, or others' opinions—we relinquish our personal power. This dependence leads to fear and anxiety, as we invest our worthiness in factors outside our control.
Key Points:
- Emotional Distress: Arises from the need for certainty and lack of control.
- Dependence on Others: Linking self-worth to others' approval is detrimental.
- Illusion of Control: Efforts to control outcomes (e.g., working harder, obsessing) are ultimately futile.
Notable Quote:
"We may think we can control the outcome by working harder, pushing for it, bending over backwards, worrying about it, ruminating about it, obsessing. But the cold hard truth is that none of that actually works."
— Hilary Silver [XX:XX]
The Radical Shift: Internalizing Outcomes
Hilary proposes a transformative shift: focusing on internal outcomes rather than external ones. This means redefining success and worth based on internal factors such as self-assurance, self-love, and self-reliance.
Key Benefits:
- Certainty and Peace of Mind: Knowing that you will be okay regardless of external results.
- Personal Sovereignty: Claiming autonomy over your reactions and perceptions.
- Resilience: Building the capacity to handle any situation with grace.
Notable Quote:
"What if you knew that no matter what happens out there in the outer world, out there in the future, you will always be okay?"
— Hilary Silver [XX:XX]
Practical Applications
Hilary offers practical scenarios to illustrate how internalizing outcomes can transform one’s approach to life's challenges:
Professional Life
Example: Applying for a dream job.
- External Focus: Defining success by getting the role, leading to anxiety over the hiring committee’s decision.
- Internal Focus: Measuring success by the effort put into preparation and self-presentation, resulting in a sense of accomplishment regardless of the outcome.
Notable Quote:
"If success means that you prepared thoroughly, communicated your value, and left the interview proud of your effort, then you've already won. No matter the outcome makes sense."
— Hilary Silver [XX:XX]
Personal Relationships
Example: Having a difficult conversation.
- External Focus: Worrying about the other person’s reaction, potentially leading to avoidance.
- Internal Focus: Valuing the act of expressing oneself honestly, seeing the conversation as a personal victory regardless of the other person's response.
Notable Quote:
"If you measure the success not by what this person does with your words or how they respond to you, but that you showed up for yourself, that you were brave enough and willing to have the conversation at all, then it doesn't matter at all what this other person does."
— Hilary Silver [XX:XX]
The Paradox of Letting Go
Hilary introduces a compelling paradox: letting go of the need to control external outcomes can lead to achieving them more effortlessly. By releasing attachment to specific results, individuals align their energy with positive outcomes, fostering a state of faith, belief, and attraction rather than fear and desperation.
Key Insights:
- Alignment with Desires: Internal focus aligns energy with what one truly desires.
- Natural Attraction: Success and fulfillment come naturally when not forcefully pursued.
- Enhanced Outcomes: Often, more than what was initially desired is achieved.
Notable Quote:
"Letting go of the outcome so much that you actually get it. I just love this one so much."
— Hilary Silver [XX:XX]
Bonus Special Message
In her bonus message, Hilary emphasizes the profound impact of adopting an internal outcome focus. She shares that by being self-centered in a healthy, empowered way, individuals often receive more than they anticipated because their energy and mindset attract positive results. This approach fosters a life that feels aligned, intentional, and true to oneself.
Notable Quote:
"When you let go of the external outcome and simply focus on you being your best self, your self-centered self, you often end up getting even more than you originally desired."
— Hilary Silver [XX:XX]
Conclusion and Challenge
As the series concludes, Hilary leaves listeners with a powerful challenge: shift your focus inward. By internalizing the desired outcomes and relinquishing control over external factors, individuals can experience profound personal transformation and empowerment.
Final Thoughts:
- Embrace Internal Focus: Prioritize inner states over external achievements.
- Reclaim Personal Power: Understand that true control lies within.
- Continuous Growth: Recognize that every experience offers an opportunity for growth and learning.
Notable Quote:
"Shift your focus inward. See how reminding yourself of the real outcome you desire is internal and notice how it changes everything."
— Hilary Silver [XX:XX]
Hilary encourages listeners to revisit previous episodes for a comprehensive understanding and to explore her free mini training for deeper insights into creating a life that feels aligned and intentional.
Key Takeaways
- Internalizing Outcomes: Shifting focus from external achievements to internal states fosters resilience and peace.
- Letting Go as Empowerment: Releasing the need to control external factors enhances personal power and attracts positive results.
- Redefining Success: Measuring success by personal growth and self-assurance rather than external validation leads to lasting fulfillment.
Recommended Actions
- Reflect on Dependency: Identify areas where you rely on external outcomes for self-worth.
- Practice Letting Go: Consciously release the need to control specific results and focus on your internal response.
- Embrace Growth: View every experience as an opportunity for personal development, regardless of the outcome.
By adopting these principles, listeners can cultivate a self-centered yet empowered mindset that transforms their approach to life's challenges and opportunities.