Summary of "Psychologist Explains: Why Menopause Isn’t Making You Crazy" | The Hilary Silver Podcast

Release Date: May 9, 2025

Introduction

In this compelling episode of The Hilary Silver Podcast, host Hilary Silver delves deep into the current discourse surrounding menopause. As a former psychotherapist with a no-nonsense approach, Hilary challenges the prevailing narratives that attribute women's midlife struggles solely to hormonal changes. Instead, she posits that social conditioning and patriarchal structures play a more significant role in shaping women's experiences during menopause.

Challenging the Menopause Media Machine

Hilary begins by addressing the surge in attention menopause has received in recent times. She acknowledges the importance of finally spotlighting women's health issues but expresses concern over how menopause is being portrayed.

"Menopause has now become the latest playground for dismissing women's experiences, our voices, and even the patriarchal conditioning that we've been subjected to..." [00:45]

She criticizes the proliferation of new products, drugs, and celebrity endorsements, suggesting that while increased visibility is positive, the underlying narratives often undermine women's genuine experiences.

Blaming Menopause for Marital Struggles

One of the central themes Hilary tackles is the notion that menopause directly leads to higher divorce rates among women. She scrutinizes statements from experts who attribute marital discord during menopause to hormonal shifts.

"Can you see what I'm talking about? This is just another way to dismiss women's experience, to blame women for the problem and to blame our hormones." [03:15]

Hilary argues that this perspective overlooks the broader social and emotional burdens women carry, such as the mental and physical loads in marriages, often exacerbated by careers and parenting. She emphasizes that it is not the decrease in estrogen that causes marital strain but rather the long-standing social conditioning that women prioritize others over themselves.

Female Selflessness: Conditioning Over Hormones

Challenging the belief that hormones make women lose themselves, Hilary asserts that cultural and societal expectations instill selflessness in women long before menopause. She highlights how from childhood, girls are conditioned to be agreeable, nurturing, and self-sacrificing.

"We became selfless because that's what we were trained to be. So no, you didn't suddenly become relational and selfless because of your hormones..." [07:00]

By reframing the conversation, Hilary suggests that recognizing this conditioning allows women to reclaim their identities and prioritize their well-being without the constraints of ingrained societal expectations.

Debunking the "Crazy Menopausal Woman" Stereotype

Hilary passionately addresses the harmful stereotype of the "crazy menopausal woman," which trivializes women's legitimate struggles during this life stage.

"The parody of the Crazy Menopausal woman... makes women the butt of the joke rather than a human to be taken seriously." [10:30]

She criticizes memes, jokes, and media portrayals that exaggerate women's emotional responses, arguing that they perpetuate the notion that women's needs and voices are unimportant. Hilary calls for a shift away from humor that undermines women's legitimacy, advocating instead for serious conversations that honor their experiences.

Midlife Awakening vs. Crisis

Contrary to the prevalent narrative of menopause as a crisis, Hilary frames it as a midlife awakening—a period of clarity and self-discovery.

"We are not having a midlife crisis. It's actually a midlife awakening. And it is not a hormonal temper tantrum. It's clarity." [05:50]

She explains that as women reach their menopausal years, they often emerge from the survival mode of parenting and career pressures to finally acknowledge their exhaustion and desire for change. This awakening leads to setting better boundaries, prioritizing personal needs, and making empowered decisions.

Hilary's Personal Journey

Towards the end of the episode, Hilary shares her personal experience at age 52, illustrating the transformative power of embracing a self-centered approach.

"I'm 52 and I've never looked better, felt stronger in who I am. I'm not losing anything. I am more fully myself than ever." [13:10]

She recounts how she has reclaimed her time, energy, and peace by setting boundaries and aligning her actions with her true self. Hilary underscores that this personal revolution is achievable for other women by shifting focus from societal expectations to self-trust and self-care.

Conclusion and Call to Action

Hilary concludes by reinforcing the idea that menopause signifies a reversal of societal conditioning rather than a simple hormonal change. She urges women to trust their intuition, prioritize their well-being, and reject narratives that undermine their experiences.

"When women enter this phase of life and stop tolerating things they never should have tolerated in the first place, it is not a crisis. It's a revolution." [16:40]

She invites listeners to share the episode with other women, fostering a community of support and empowerment.

Key Takeaways

• Social Conditioning Over Hormones: Women's struggles during menopause are largely shaped by societal expectations and patriarchal conditioning rather than solely by hormonal changes.

• Reframing Menopause: Menopause should be viewed as a midlife awakening, offering clarity and an opportunity for self-reclamation, rather than a crisis or downfall.

• Challenging Stereotypes: Harmful stereotypes like the "crazy menopausal woman" undermine women's legitimacy and should be actively challenged.

• Empowerment Through Self-Care: Emphasizing self-centeredness as a means of self-care can lead to improved relationships, confidence, and overall well-being.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "Menopause has now become the latest playground for dismissing women's experiences..." [00:45]

• "Can you see what I'm talking about? This is just another way to dismiss women's experience..." [03:15]

• "We became selfless because that's what we were trained to be..." [07:00]

• "The parody of the Crazy Menopausal woman... makes women the butt of the joke..." [10:30]

• "We are not having a midlife crisis. It's actually a midlife awakening..." [05:50]

• "I'm 52 and I've never looked better, felt stronger in who I am..." [13:10]

• "When women enter this phase of life and stop tolerating things they never should have tolerated in the first place, it is not a crisis. It's a revolution." [16:40]

Final Thoughts

Hilary Silver's episode provides a thought-provoking critique of how menopause is portrayed and understood in contemporary society. By shifting the focus from hormonal blame to societal influence, she empowers women to take control of their narratives and embrace menopause as a transformative period of self-discovery and empowerment.

For those seeking to navigate the complexities of midlife with clarity and confidence, this episode offers valuable insights and actionable advice to reclaim one's life and well-being.