The Hilary Silver Podcast: "Successful But Feel Empty" – Detailed Summary

Release Date: April 11, 2025

Hilary Silver's episode titled "Successful But Feel Empty" delves deep into the emotional void that often accompanies external success, especially among high-achieving women. Drawing from over 25 years of experience as a psychotherapist, Hilary unpacks the societal constructs of success and offers actionable strategies to find genuine fulfillment.

1. Understanding the Paradox of Success

Hilary begins by addressing a common dilemma faced by many high-achieving women: despite building successful careers and appearing to "have it all" externally, an internal sense of happiness and fulfillment remains elusive.

"You've been sold a version of success that was never designed to fulfill you." ([00:00])

She identifies the root cause as societal conditioning from a young age, where success is equated with happiness and self-worth. Achieving set goals often leads to the pursuit of new ones, creating a relentless cycle where fulfillment is always just out of reach.

"Since childhood, you've been conditioned to believe that success will make you happy." ([00:20])

2. The Achievement Treadmill

Hilary introduces the concept of the "achievement treadmill," highlighting how continuous striving for external validation keeps individuals perpetually dissatisfied.

"The more you achieve, the more you feel like you should be grateful and happy." ([00:55])

She explains that each milestone reached sets a new, higher target, making true fulfillment seem unattainable. This relentless pursuit not only leads to overwork but also fosters self-doubt when happiness isn't achieved post-accomplishment.

"But no amount of money, accolades, success or attention will ever be enough to fulfill you." ([03:05])

3. The Plight of the High Achiever

Hilary coins the term "the plight of the high achiever" to describe the never-ending cycle of achievement that leaves individuals feeling overworked and underwhelmed.

"It's a never-ending cycle that keeps women running." ([02:15])

She emphasizes that this cycle is detrimental, leading to eventual burnout and a prolonged sense of unfulfillment. The societal expectation to keep proving oneself perpetuates this exhausting loop.

"If you don't break free, you will eventually burnout and you will wake up 10 years from now just as unfulfilled." ([04:10])

4. Embracing Self-Centeredness as Liberation

Contrary to societal notions, Hilary advocates for becoming "self-centered" as a pathway to true fulfillment. She clarifies that self-centeredness isn't selfish but rather prioritizing one's well-being to foster genuine happiness and productivity.

"Self centered, not other centered. Self centered." ([05:25])

Hilary explains that much of the drive to achieve stems from a subconscious need to feel worthy, often linked to external validation like praise or love. By shifting focus inward, individuals can break free from the dependency on external achievements for self-worth.

"Your worth is inherent and inside of you." ([03:50])

5. The Consequences of Staying External-Focused

Remaining focused on external validation has negative repercussions not only for the individual but also for those around them. Hilary points out that the constant striving exhausts personal energy, leaving little to give to others.

"You're giving from an overflowing cup because right now you are running on empty." ([06:40])

This depletion benefits no one, including bosses, colleagues, friends, and family, who continue to expect high performance without considering the individual's well-being.

6. Three Actions to Become Self-Centered and Fulfilled

Hilary outlines three practical steps to transition from external validation to self-centered fulfillment:

a. Audit Your Life

Conduct a comprehensive self-assessment by asking:

1. "Did I actually choose this?" ([07:15])
2. "Does this still make sense for me?"
3. "Am I relying on this to feel good about myself, or do I authentically enjoy this?"

If the answers are negative, it's time to let go of activities and commitments that drain energy and no longer serve personal growth.

b. Redefine Success on Your Terms

Success should be individualized. If traditional markers like climbing the corporate ladder don't resonate, redefine what success means personally.

"If the goal isn't yours, the happiness won't be either." ([08:45])

Whether it's taking a year off to travel or prioritizing work-life balance, setting personal definitions of success ensures that achievements align with genuine desires.

c. Make Self-Centered Decisions Daily

Incorporate self-centeredness into daily choices by:

• Saying no without feeling guilty.
• Avoiding unnecessary explanations for personal boundaries.
• Not compromising one's own comfort for others' approval.

Hilary acknowledges that this shift might not be immediately accepted by others, but emphasizes that those who truly care will support the change.

"The people who actually really truly do love you will applaud this shift for you." ([10:20])

7. Conclusion: Choosing Inner Fulfillment

Hilary wraps up by reinforcing the idea that true happiness doesn't reside in external achievements but within oneself.

"It's not out there, my friends. It's in here. It always has been." ([11:00])

She urges listeners to stop waiting for external milestones to feel fulfilled and to embrace self-centeredness as a means to an enriched, balanced life.

"Stop waiting, stop chasing and start being self centered. It doesn't just change your life, it literally changes everything." ([11:40])

Hilary concludes with a heartfelt thank you to her listeners, encouraging them to take the first steps towards prioritizing themselves.

Key Takeaways

• Redefine Success: Tailor your definition of success to align with personal values and desires rather than societal expectations.

• Prioritize Self-Worth: Recognize that self-worth is inherent and not dependent on external achievements or validations.

• Implement Daily Changes: Make conscious, self-centered decisions to create space for genuine fulfillment and prevent burnout.

By shifting focus from external validation to internal fulfillment, Hilary Silver provides a roadmap for high-achieving women to break free from the achievement treadmill and cultivate a life of true happiness and satisfaction.

Additional Resources

For listeners interested in further exploring these concepts, Hilary offers a free video training titled "This Changes Everything," aimed at helping women stop the cycle of proving and seeking. Access to this resource is available through the podcast's show notes or description.

Remember to subscribe to The Hilary Silver Podcast on your preferred platform and tune in every Friday for more insights on confidence, boundaries, relationships, and personal success.