Ready For Love with Hilary Silver

Episode: Why This Ex-Therapist Is Now an Outspoken Critic of Therapy

Date: February 13, 2026
Host: Hilary Silver

Episode Overview

In this provocative solo episode, Hilary Silver—former psychotherapist turned coach—shares candidly why she left clinical therapy after 14 years and has become an outspoken critic of the traditional therapy model. Speaking directly to high-achieving women ready for transformation, Hilary offers her bold, detailed critique of modern therapy, where it helps, where it keeps people stuck, and what actually works better for lasting growth. She encourages her listeners to seek empowerment, move beyond endless therapy, and embrace coaching and structured personal development.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. When Therapy Is Truly Needed ([01:00-04:10])

• Appropriate Uses:
  • Treatment of diagnosable mental or emotional illness (e.g., major depression, trauma, OCD).
  • Support during acute crisis or life destabilization (e.g., divorce, infidelity, mourning a loss).
• Metaphor: “You go to therapy when you’re deep in a hole and you need help finding the surface again just to regain your stability and your sanity.” ([02:20])
• Therapy is highly effective at getting a person back to functioning, not for higher-level growth.

2. Five Core Problems with the Therapy Model

Problem #1: Therapy Is Being Misused ([04:10-09:30])

• Misalignment: Most therapy clients aren’t mentally ill or in active crisis, but seek personal growth or relationship improvement.
• Therapy is not designed for thriving but for stabilization: “Therapy is designed to help you get out of the hole... It’s not going to help you grow and evolve and become a better version of yourself.” ([05:05])
• Coaching and mentorship are better suited for growth, but most people (and therapists) don’t know this.

Problem #2: Therapy Creates Dependence ([09:30-16:20])

• Relational Dependency: Clients become attached to the dynamic of being validated and supported.
• “You build a relationship with this person…You stay and you stay and you stay, because therapy is relational.” ([09:52])
• It feels like real intimacy but is a paid, contrived relationship.
• Quote:

  “You depend on your therapist to tell you what to think, how to feel, what to do. And over time, you stop trusting yourself.” ([13:00])

• Therapy should be “scaffolding”—temporary support for you to become self-reliant, not a permanent fixture.

Problem #3: Therapists Rarely Challenge Clients ([16:20-22:00])

• Therapy focuses on unconditional support, not on holding up a mirror or challenging patterns.
• “Therapists aren’t going to tell you that you’re the problem … they’ll validate you. But really, this is enabling.” ([17:20])
• Without being pushed to see your own part in problems, real growth is stalled.
• Consequences: Patterns repeat (different boss—same conflict, new relationship—same dynamic).

Problem #4: Therapy Keeps You Focused on the Past ([25:09-30:45])

• Over-emphasis on childhood, trauma, and “why am I this way?” leads to rumination, not resolution.
• “Every time you tell and retell that story, it only cements it deeper into your subconscious and identity.” ([26:54])
• People start to over-identify with their wounds: “I have abandonment issues. I’m anxiously attached. I have daddy issues.” ([27:50])
• Critical Insight:

  “Insight does not create change. Knowing why you do what you do and where it all comes from doesn’t help you know what to do and how to do it.” ([29:23])

• Tools, skills, and a roadmap are needed to actually move forward.

Problem #5: Therapy Has No Clear Endpoint ([30:45-37:25])

• Most therapy is open-ended with no contract, timeline, or concrete goals.
• “So what are we talking about today?”: The onus is placed on the client to guide, rather than being led to a solution.
• Therapy becomes endless talk and dependence: “It can just go on forever and ever.” ([31:01])
• Hilary references clients who have stayed in therapy for 10-20 years without solving the core issue (e.g., “Wednesdays with Ruth”). ([34:22])
• Quote:

  “If a therapist can’t help you make significant progress in a reasonable amount of time, they’re not going to be able to help you, period … but they usually don’t [refer you out]. And why? Because it’s easier and more profitable to just keep you scheduling for next Wednesday.” ([36:30])

3. Cultural Observations: Over-Therapized Society and Social Media Misinformation ([37:25-41:30])

• From therapy taboo and stigma to everyone over-identifying with diagnoses (“I’m anxious attached,” “narcissistic mother”).
• “Thanks to social media, anyone with a microphone can become an expert.” ([38:16])
• This can reinforce self-limiting identities and labels rather than real growth.

4. What to Do Instead: The Case for Coaching & Intentional Growth ([41:30-54:43])

• When You Need Therapy:
  • Acute mental illness, major trauma, serious destabilization—absolutely go to therapy to stabilize.
• When You Want More:
  • When stable and aiming for growth, purpose, fulfillment: coaching is the path.
  • “Serena Williams didn’t hire a therapist to become a champion. She hired a coach.” ([43:07])
• Coaching Focus: Not pathology, but growth, evolution, becoming the next-level self.

5. How to Choose Help that Really Works

([44:17-52:42])

Hilary’s Standards for Effective Coaching/Support:

1. They’re Living What You Want:
   • “If you want a thriving relationship, don’t hire a coach who’s divorced three times…” ([44:42])
2. Proven Track Record:
   • “Look for proof…testimonials, success stories…”
3. Credentials Matter:
   • “Don’t work with just anyone who’s a self-proclaimed guru. They must have some kind of credentials.” ([46:12])
4. A Structured Method:
   • “Not just what are we working on today—a clear roadmap, a proven process…” ([47:23])
5. Willingness to Challenge You:
   • “No one wants to get lied to…but still…It happens all the time with the best intentions.” ([48:52])
6. You Must Be Coachable:
   • “Invite the truth, have a growth-oriented mindset, and embrace honest feedback.” ([50:24])
   • “It can be hard to hear, but welcome it. No one can help you if you’re not really open to being helped.” ([51:15])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the therapy model:

  “You stop trusting yourself. You don’t even ever really learn how to trust yourself. You don’t learn how to be your own sounding board…that is not empowerment, that is codependence.” ([13:18])

• On insight vs. action:

  “Insight without action is just spinning your wheels.” ([30:05])

• On the industry’s ethical obligation:

  “If a therapist can’t help you make significant progress in a reasonable amount of time, they’re not going to be able to help you, period. And ethically, they should refer you out, but they usually don’t.” ([36:30])

• On therapy as identity:

  “We identify with being a lifetime therapy-goer or a self-help junkie. But when you have a built-in cheerleader, why would you want to stop going?” ([37:10])

Timestamps of Core Sections

| Timestamp | Topic | |-------------|----------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:00–04:10 | Hilary’s background; when therapy is appropriate | | 04:10–09:30 | Reason #1: Therapy is being misused | | 09:30–16:20 | Reason #2: Therapy creates dependence | | 16:20–22:00 | Reason #3: Therapists rarely challenge; conditional support | | 25:09–30:45 | Reason #4: Therapy keeps you stuck in the past | | 30:45–37:25 | Reason #5: No end point; self-perpetuating therapy | | 37:25–41:30 | Cultural critique: over-therapized society, social media experts | | 41:30–44:17 | What therapy is good for, when to move to coaching | | 44:17–52:42 | How to choose the right help; Hilary’s approach and her programs | | 52:42–54:43 | Empowerment, coachability, and permission to “outgrow” therapy |

Final Takeaways

• Therapy has a vital, specialized role but is misapplied for personal growth.
• Prolonged therapy can undermine self-trust and encourage dependency.
• Lasting transformation requires challenge, action, and structured skill-building—hallmarks of quality coaching, not therapy as usual.
• Your growth should have a destination, and you deserve helpers who hold you accountable and help you become self-led.
• It’s OK—healthy, even—to outgrow your therapist and move on. That is the point.

If this episode resonated, Hilary encourages sharing it with others still in endless therapy cycles, and invites women ready for real change to explore her Ready For Love programs.