322: Rosebud Baker and The Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act

Summary

Podcast Summary: Episode 322 – Rosebud Baker and The Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler
Host: Ryan Sickler
Guest: Rosebud Baker
Release Date: February 24, 2025
Duration: Approximately 58 minutes

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Introduction

In Episode 322 of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, comedian and host Ryan Sickler welcomes stand-up comedian Rosebud Baker to share her deeply personal and transformative story. This episode delves into themes of loss, resilience, and advocacy, highlighting the profound impact of personal tragedy on shaping public safety legislation.

Guest Background: Rosebud Baker

Rosebud Baker introduces herself as a seasoned comedian with a special recently released on Netflix titled The Mother Lode. She shares her extensive touring schedule and upcoming projects, including performances in Las Vegas and the filming of her next spring special at Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin.

Notable Quote:
"The Honeydew with you all. It's this show with y'all. And I promise you, every week we hear something we've never heard before."
(02:01)

The Tragic Accident

Rosebud opens up about the devastating loss of her sister, Graham, who tragically died in a hot tub accident. She recounts the harrowing experience of receiving the news during her senior year of high school, a time when she was also preparing for graduation. The accident occurred when Graham's hair became entangled in the powerful drain of the hot tub, leading to fatal injuries.

Key Points:

• Accident Details:
  Graham's hair got stuck in the hot tub drain, and despite attempts by family and friends to rescue her, she succumbed to her injuries either during or shortly after the rescue attempt.
  (14:50 – 17:18)

• Immediate Aftermath:
  Rosebud describes the shock and confusion she felt upon learning of her sister's death. The event coincided closely with her graduation, making the period exceptionally traumatic.

Notable Quote:
"It was just one of those things that changes your whole life forever from that moment forward. You know what I mean? The way that you think, the way that you perceive the world and your experience."
(20:07)

Impact on Family

The conversation shifts to the broader impact of Graham's death on Rosebud's family dynamics. Rosebud discusses the pre-existing stressors within her family, including her parents' divorce during her senior year of high school, and how Graham's death further strained their relationships.

Key Points:

• Family Struggles:

  • Rosebud is the eldest of five sisters.
  • Her parents divorced when she was in high school, leading to geographic and emotional distance within the family.
  • The turmoil intensified with Graham's passing, leaving Rosebud grappling with guilt and unresolved emotions.

• Parental Dynamics:

  • Rosebud's mother became a pillar of emotional support, while her father's coping mechanisms involved visiting Graham's grave but less emotional availability.
  • Rosebud shares her challenges in processing grief and maintaining family connections.

Notable Quote:
"I have trouble sleeping, you know, And I was in bed the other night, and I had this, like, dream nightmare where, like, I was... my daughter sort of, like, toddled over and just fell in the Hudson river."
(22:28)

Legislation: The Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act

One of the most significant outcomes of Graham's tragic accident was the subsequent advocacy led by Rosebud's mother, resulting in the passage of the Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act. This legislation mandates that all pools and spas have mandatory drain covers to prevent similar accidents.

Key Points:

• Legislative Action:

  • Rosebud's mother, leveraging her influential position as the daughter-in-law of former Secretary of State James Baker, worked tirelessly to advocate for pool and spa safety.
  • The Act was signed into law by President George H.W. Bush, demonstrating the family's commitment to preventing future tragedies.

• Legacy and Impact:

  • The Act has been instrumental in enhancing pool and spa safety nationwide, saving countless lives by ensuring the installation of safer drain covers.

Notable Quotes:
"My mom was in a unique position to be able to get that done because of my granddad and because of who he was."
(53:03)
"The Virginia Graeme Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act. It is an act."
(51:45)

Personal Reflections and Parenting

Rosebud and Ryan delve into the lingering effects of Graham's death on Rosebud's approach to parenting. Rosebud shares her fears and anxieties as a new mother, stemming from her sister's tragic demise. She reflects on how these experiences shape her desire to protect her own child while fostering independence.

Key Points:

• Parenting Anxieties:

  • Rosebud expresses a profound fear of sudden loss, influencing her parenting style to be more cautious and protective.
  • She grapples with balancing her protective instincts with the necessity of allowing her daughter to explore and learn independently.

• Healing and Therapy:

  • Both Rosebud and Ryan discuss the role of therapy in processing grief and trauma.
  • Rosebud mentions her ongoing journey with therapy to address unresolved emotions and anxieties.

Notable Quotes:
"I'm always going to be scared to hope for the best because I would rather be pleasantly surprised that things worked out, you know?"
(24:28)
"I hope she has a lot of cousins. I, I think that would be really special."
(54:07)

Conclusion

The episode concludes with Rosebud sharing advice to her younger self, emphasizing the importance of embracing change and allowing oneself to grieve and grow through adversity. Ryan expresses gratitude for Rosebud's courage in sharing her story, highlighting the powerful legacy of Rosebud's family in enhancing public safety.

Key Points:

• Advice to Younger Self:

  • Rosebud advises embracing change and allowing oneself to experience and process emotions fully.

• Legacy and Remembrance:

  • Rosebud discusses how her family honors Graham's memory through photographs, stories, and continued advocacy efforts.
  • She contemplates the balance between preserving legacy and moving forward with her own life and parenting.

Notable Quote:
"Nothing is going to stay the same forever, you know, and you have to... focus on enjoying it and... don't be afraid to be sad and don't be afraid to let it change you."
(56:07)

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Additional Information

Guest Promotions:

• Stand-Up Specials:
  • The Mother Lode available on Netflix.
  • Whiskey Fists available on YouTube.
• Tour Dates and Social Media:
  Visit rosebudbaker.com for tour information and follow Rosebud on Instagram and TikTok.

Support and Resources

Throughout the episode, Ryan promotes various services and resources, including Sittercity for finding reliable childcare and BetterHelp for accessible therapy services. While these segments are integral to understanding the episode's flow, they can be explored separately for more detailed information.

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Closing Thoughts

Episode 322 of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler offers a poignant exploration of loss, healing, and the enduring impact of personal tragedy on public safety measures. Rosebud Baker's heartfelt narrative not only honors her sister's memory but also underscores the importance of advocacy in preventing future accidents. This episode serves as a testament to resilience and the power of turning personal pain into meaningful change.

Transcript

[Unknown Parent]

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[Ryan Sickler]

Get the Angel REEF Special at McDonald's. Now let's break it down. My favorite barbecue sauce, American cheese, crispy bacon, pickles, onions and a sesame seed bun, of course. And don't forget the fries and the drinks. Sound good? I participate in restaurants for a limited time. San Jose I'm bringing the Live and Alive tour your way. I'll be at the San Jose Improv Friday, February 28th and Saturday, March 1st, Madison, Wisconsin. I'm excited to announce I'm shooting my next spring special at your club, Comedy on State. I was there not too long ago, had such a great time, such a great club that I'm excited to work with them and bring you my next special. Two shows Saturday, April 12th. Get your tickets now at Ryan Sickler.com.

[Rosebud Baker]

The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.

[Ryan Sickler]

Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler and I'm thanking you for supporting this show, anything I do. Thank you. Thank you for telling people about this. I don't care what you do, you buy a T shirt, whatever it is. Thank you for supporting anything I do. And if you gotta have more, then you gotta have the Patreon. It's the Honeydew with you all. It's this show with y'all. And I promise you, every week we hear something we've Never heard before. It is the wildest show on Patreon. It's five bucks a month. And if you or someone you know has a story that has to be heard, please submit it to honeydewpodcastmail.com if you sent one in before, send it again, bump it to the top. We get a ton. We would love to do your story. We also have a second tier there for three bucks more where you're getting the way back a day early ad free. All of its cents are free. But you're getting bonus content as well on that tier. We're not just charging you for get a show a day early. All right, that's the biz. You guys know what we do here? We highlight the low lights. And I always say that these are the stories behind the storytellers. And I am very excited to have this guest here. First time on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Rosebud Baker. Welcome to the Honeydew.

[Rosebud Baker]

Thank you. Thank you for the applause. God damn, I'm so happy to be here.

[Ryan Sickler]

I am happy that you're here, too.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, we had a little. We had a pow wow in the parking lot.

[Ryan Sickler]

We did. You.

[Rosebud Baker]

You didn't.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I hate you with a tsunami as shit you didn't even know was.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Are we crying before we start? Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

You've been such an integral part of my parenting in life, and you have no idea. But look, we're going to get into that in a minute here, but before we do, plug everything and anything that you would like, please.

[Rosebud Baker]

Okay, so I have a special out on Netflix called the Mother Lode. It was shot in two parts. It was shot one year when I was eight months pregnant. And then I shot a new hour a year after having the baby, and I combined the two into one special.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well done.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Love the name.

[Rosebud Baker]

Thank you. And that is out. Go check it out. I am going on the road. I'm going to be in Vegas on the February 21st through the 22nd, March 14th through 16th. Pittsburgh. I'm going to be an SLC. I've got. I got a bunch of road dates coming up, so people can check that [e-mail] and you can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, tic Tac. Actually, I'm not. I'm not on Twitter anymore, but Rosebud Baker Podcast. Podcast. I don't have a podcast anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, no, you did stop.

[Rosebud Baker]

I did stop. Yeah. Yeah, I used to have a podcast.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, go watch our special on Netflix right now. Motherlode. Is a great name.

[Rosebud Baker]

Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where are you from originally? Rosebud Baker.

[Rosebud Baker]

Originally, I am from right outside of D.C. oh yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Maryland.

[Rosebud Baker]

Alexandria, Virginia.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was going to say if you're a Maryland girl, I'm going to lose it. I'm from.

[Rosebud Baker]

Oh, shit. Are you?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes. Makes sense. You're right in that DMV pocket.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yep, I am. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

Oh, wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I am bushed you outside because I. First of all, I've been a fan of yours for a while and I was introduced to you in a weird way through a friend of ours or someone you had pitched to, but a friend of mine. And I heard your story or this particular story, and it affected me because I was a single parent from the time my daughter was one. So my. Her and mom and I split when she was one. So I'm literally a new dad and a new single dad and I don't know anything.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everything scares me. And when you're in that mental space, it feels like everyone that's got the worst case scenario store story loves to come find you and tell your ass about, you know, you know, kid could fly out on a sunroof. Like, we can't have a sunroof. You know what I mean?

[Rosebud Baker]

All that. Yes. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I hear this story about your sister and it has haunted me and terrified me. And again, I am not going to make this about me, but I'm just saying this was. You don't even know this is.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Would you say you pitched that show 2016? 17.

[Rosebud Baker]

2016 or 20.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, my daughter at that time is two or three years old.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I hear the story that we're going to talk about and it fucked me up. It fucked me up because my friend has a hot tub and I'm like, you don't go underwater. Don't do. And Right. So I appreciate you being comfortable enough to talk about this because it's also important. This is something that you know. But again, you're. You're a mom and how old?

[Rosebud Baker]

You're recent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She just turned 16 months.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, she's not even 2 yet.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, no.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you know when you're a new parent, like everything is terrified.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I remember my, the. My daughter's born. You know, you're like, okay. All the fingers, all the toes, breathing.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

All the good things.

[Rosebud Baker]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was terrified to drive home from the hospital to home.

[Rosebud Baker]

Oh my God.

[Ryan Sickler]

Terrified.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know why that ride was like.

[Rosebud Baker]

No. Every stopping at yellow lights, going outside.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I Mean, going outside.

[Rosebud Baker]

I remember, like, we just leave now.

[Ryan Sickler]

We're in charge of this. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

Dogs barking louder. Like, just felt louder.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

More aggressive, Scary.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, it was. I've never walked outside with that feeling of, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

So.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's talk about your family.

[Rosebud Baker]

It sucks that you heard this story while you were feeling like, oh, at my low.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've journaled about this. I'm sure you don't even know how sure you.

[Rosebud Baker]

I'm so sorry.

[Ryan Sickler]

I gotta tell you this story.

[Rosebud Baker]

My husband was the same. My husband was, like, losing his mind the whole year. I mean, he was really anxious, and I. I have more of a. It's, you know, it's more internalized, so I sort of just push it all down and then freak the fuck out, you know? But, like, to hear it secondhand, you can almost, like, absorb it better. So I'm sorry.

[Ryan Sickler]

Don't be there. Let's talk about your family first. Mom, dad, how many siblings total?

[Rosebud Baker]

So I have four younger siblings.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you're the oldest. Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, I have four younger siblings. That is counting my sister that I lost. I am the oldest. The biggest gap between us is 10 years.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it all girls?

[Rosebud Baker]

All girls?

[Ryan Sickler]

It is.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yep. All girls. All right. Every dinner was like a episode of Real Housewives. It was like, for real. Everyone's screaming, crying, knives coming at you, knives.

[Ryan Sickler]

Breads being thrown and shit.

[Rosebud Baker]

Drinks being spilled. My dad going, God damn it, and then leaving the table, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

But mom and dad are together?

[Rosebud Baker]

No, my dad and my mom divorced. They separated when I was in my senior year, high school.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

Which I kind of knew was going to happen. I felt that, you know, I was old enough to, like, feel that happening, and then.

[Ryan Sickler]

So it's something you felt, not something that was outright like, mom's cheating on dad and this big blow up.

[Rosebud Baker]

No, no, it was kind of. You know, my dad is a. Is a lawyer. He's working, like, at his law firm constantly. And then they have five kids. And I remember the time. I remember them telling us they were. They were pregnant with twins, and my sister, who was 8 at the time, was like, how are we gonna afford this? Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

For real, though.

[Rosebud Baker]

And it was. It was a legit question. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

So there was already three, and the last one actually ends up being two. Is that right? Wow.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. They tried to have a boy, and they got twin girls.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh.

[Rosebud Baker]

And then.

[Ryan Sickler]

Shame. That's what you get.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. They got greedy. Yeah. Got greedy. It was, you know. But I was fucking thrilled that we Were all girls. You know, I never really wanted for a brother. I was like, I loved having sisters. Still love having sisters. And my family literally has not had a boy until this year. My sister just had a little boy, but it was the first.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the first boy that breaks the cycle.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Rosebud Baker]

Okay, so. And my sister.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was your dad trying for the boy for like the old school, like to keep.

[Rosebud Baker]

He wanted to name it. Yeah, he wanted to keep the name.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Guess what?

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. God said, fuck your name. So. So, yeah, so they got separated when I was a senior in high school about. You know, I kind of knew they were gonna get a divorce. It just felt like this isn't gonna get better. You know, my dad was in an apartment. It was a shitty apartment. You know, he. He didn't fill his fridge up. You know, it was. It felt really sad. You know, it's, it's. It's a strange feeling to see your dad who's like. You know, when you're a kid, your dad is like the most powerful dude alive. You're like, that's. He's terrifying. And it was weird to go to his house and see like ketchup and like, that's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

You know what I mean? And you just start to see the frailty of like men for the first time because they don't know how to navigate. He didn't know how to navigate his feelings. So anyway, I go through my senior year of high school. I. My graduation was coming up and my friend, a good friend of mine, invited my family to his family's house to do like a graduation, you know, ceremony, you know, like a party. Yeah, backyard party. He had a pool, he had a hot tub. It was like. There was a slide. So me, my sisters, my mom, we were all getting in the car, we go to this party. Everybody's having a great time. I remember my, my, the twins, Jackie and Graham. They were taking forever to get in the car. We finally got in. Everybody gets in. Every time we got in the car, it was a fucking nightmare. It was literally like packing. What are you driving a war torn country? Okay, so we finally get everybody. And it was a Suburban.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, Big fucking Suburban with like six chicks on the license plate. Was. My mom made it like a. You know, she'd like loved her six chicks license plate. We all get in, go to this party. And I changed my sister into her bathing suit. Her name's Graham. She was 7 at the time. My other sister, Mary Stewart was there. My sister Hallie was there. Hallie is two years younger than me. Mary Stewart is like six years younger than me. So we're all. We're all out there. I change her into her bathing suit. They get in the pool. They're having a great time. Now I have another party that I'm invited to at a different classmate's house, and I wanted to make it to both of them. And my sister Hallie, who's, like, close in my age and hung out with a lot of my friends, she came with me. So Hallie and I leave a little bit early from this party to go to my other friend's house. When I get to her house, like, I get this call, and I'm trying to, like, remember all of this.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can I ask you what year this is? Like, are you getting a cell phone call? Are they calling the house where you're at and saying, hey, can you get Rose?

[Rosebud Baker]

I can't remember. It was. It was a cell phone. Yeah, it was a cell phone. Yeah. So they. They called. But they called the house. It was one of the. You know what I mean? Like, people were still calling houses and they were using cell phone. So they called the house, and I. Somebody came in. Don't remember who it was. Somebody came in, and they were like, something happened to Jackie, who's my sister, my youngest sister, one of the twins who kind of always was getting into trouble. Like Jackie was. When she was two years old, she got into the front of my mom's Suburban and she drove it down the driveway.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

At 2.

[Rosebud Baker]

Out of her car seat, got into the front. Had watched my mother turn the thing, you know, and knew how to. And pulled. Put it in neutral or was just with it. And literally, the car. We were. Our driveway was like a big hill. Just the car rolled down the driveway, through the fence into the neighbor's yard.

[Ryan Sickler]

Holy. And she was okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

And she was okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Holy.

[Rosebud Baker]

Her twin, Graham, is in the back going, jackie, no drive.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait. She's in the car with her in the car.

[Rosebud Baker]

So Jackie got out of her car seat, left her twin in the car seat, and was like, we're going for a ride.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got this.

[Rosebud Baker]

So when I heard Jackie. Something happened with Jackie, I was like, well, yeah, something always happens with Jackie. Jackie's, you know, a lunatic. It's like, why I love her because I was the scapegoat until she came along. So I just assumed, okay, everything's fine. Then somebody said one of my. It was like, somebody in my class or. I remember it was like a girl that I didn't respect. Came in and said something happened. She had come from the other party, and she was like, something happened with Graham. Graham's going to the hospital. And when I heard it was Graham, I got this feeling in my stomach that was like, something really bad happened. So I got in the car. I got in the car with my sister. I'm driving like a maniac. I'm driving, which I'm a bad driver already, but I'm driving crazy on the way home. And my sister. I remember my sister going like, you're gonna kill us. And I was like, I think. I think something. Something's really wrong. Something was really, really wrong. And nobody would tell me what happened. That was the thing. Nobody would tell me what happened. So that alone was like, oh, this is fucked up. So I got in the car, I went home. By the time I got home, I walked in the kitchen, my mom was sitting in the kitchen with her face towards the sink, and her friends were all around her. And I walked in and she turned around and she just said she didn't make it. And I had no idea what the fuck had gone on. I mean, I. I can't remember if I. If it had been put together even at that point, what had happened, like. And I feel like when you go through something like this, like, there. The amount of shock that. Okay, what. What had happened was that she was playing in the hot tub and her hair had gotten stuck in the drain in the bottom of the hot tub. And the power of the suction of these drains can literally disembowel people.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. So.

[Ryan Sickler]

So this is way stronger than we think.

[Rosebud Baker]

So I didn't know that three grown men had gone in. My mother was in there trying to pull her up. Could not pull her up out of the water. And by the time they got her, it was like they had to cut her hair off, you know what I mean? To get. And it was. They got her in a helicopter and she died in the helicopter. Oh, and can I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, this is the part I thought.

[Rosebud Baker]

Or had died before she even got in the helicopter.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, everyone will hear this story and think, whatever, you know? And I thought the same thing. Couldn't they have got scissors fast enough and.

[Rosebud Baker]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

And. But then I think back to my own childhood. I'm like, oh. Our best friend, Shannon Patterson had a pool, and it was a big yard, and it was down here. And even if you needed something from the house, you had to run up to the.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean? Like, I don't even. Scenarios or the fact that anything's convenient. It's the fact that this suction is so fucking powerful.

[Rosebud Baker]

I think you're literally saying if we.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sat on that, it could just kill you.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow.

[Rosebud Baker]

I think that if I think back about this a lot, because my sister Graham was on the swimming team. She was. She was on the diving team. She was playing with my sisters who were all on the swimming team.

[Ryan Sickler]

I.

[Rosebud Baker]

You know, my mom had no reason to. Well, she was right there. You know, I think it was my sisters who realized, you know, because they were playing and kids play in hot tubs. All I. I played in hot tubs.

[Ryan Sickler]

And we also used to act like we were drowning all the.

[Rosebud Baker]

All the time, just to see if anybody cared.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

I'd be down there just like anybody.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're like, hey, you're down there. Awful long time, that one little bubble up.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

And I. And I. I guess. I mean, I wasn't there, so I don't. I don't really know, like, what had happened, but all I know is that by the time that they realized what was wrong, they. They didn't have enough time to, like, pull her up, you know, or maybe they did, but it. I don't even know. I'm like. I don't even relit. I don't even relitigate that.

[Ryan Sickler]

How many people were there? Like, this has got to be terrifying. This is everyone's worst nightmare happening in front of everyone at a fucking grad situation.

[Rosebud Baker]

Part. Yeah. I can't really remember. I. I don't remember. I mean, 20, 30, I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

People.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. I have no idea who was there. Like, I.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so when. By the time you get back, she's already been sent to the hospital and everything. And. Yeah, everyone's already got the horrible news.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. So she. My. By the time I got to my mom's house, my mom was already home. So I'm like, how long was I at this other house where people weren't telling me what had happened? Do you know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

With my sister and then rushing home, and I see my mother, who's devastated, and she turns around and says she does. She didn't make it. And I. I just felt like. Like it's just one of those things that changes your whole life forever from that moment forward. You know what I mean? The way that you think, the way that you perceive the world and your experience.

[Ryan Sickler]

I didn't even experience it. And it me up.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

To this day, I still. I'm terrified about hot tubs now. I'm not even kidding you. Like, anytime my kids go near one, I look in, make sure there's something covering it.

[Rosebud Baker]

And, yeah, I still tell them, well, every time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Don't swim down there it is.

[Rosebud Baker]

It's a law that my mom got passed.

[Ryan Sickler]

I wanted to talk about that. I just recently read that.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was able to go online and look, and I was like, wait, yeah, this is a law. Yeah, we'll come to that.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you walk in, your mom says this, and where's your dad?

[Rosebud Baker]

I don't know. It's so weird.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you do after your mom says that?

[Rosebud Baker]

I think my dad was on a business trip.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, he wasn't even there.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Oh, I think he would. Or he was. They were separated, so he may have been at his apartment. But I do remember because she died on Father's Day or the day before Father's Day, and she had written him a Father's Day. Oh card.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's from the grave.

[Rosebud Baker]

Right. It was one of those, you know, so. And I mean, it's. It's so crazy. I haven't even told this story since I became a mom, you know, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

And this is what I was saying to you outside. Like, before, you have the hindsight of a sister who lost a sister.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And now you're a mom.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you've got unfortunate insight into what, my God, your mom and dad must have felt and gone through and everything. I mean, and then to have to be. Not to interrupt you. I'm sorry. To be. Keep a brave face and be strong for the other kids and, you know, like, good God, I can't.

[Rosebud Baker]

I truly, I'm. It's almost more incomprehensible to me now than it was before.

[Ryan Sickler]

That makes sense to me. That totally makes sense. Like, this is an insight you don't want to have.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Because I'm like, I have, like, I have trouble sleeping, you know, And I was in bed the other night, and I had. I had this, like, dream nightmare where, like, I was. It was a dream. I was, like, out with my daughter, and we were walking along the Hudson river, you know, and there's, like, just these sort of bars. And in the dream, my daughter sort of, like, toddled over and just fell in the Hudson river. And I fucking woke up, like, immediately. Just like, ah. And I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. It was like I fell asleep at 1, woke up at 2. This was like, as I'm drifting Off, you know, I get this fucking scary. And I. I don't. I just didn't sleep for the rest of the night. You know, it's one of those things where I. It will. I will always be terrified of losing either the. Something so precious to me in a really sudden scary way. Like, it's always gonna be there. And I just. I've, like, I've done therapy. I've done fucking psychics. I've put in so much time with these fucking people.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm with you.

[Rosebud Baker]

You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

I have put in clairvoyance.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've been all up. I'm fucking tarot, 12 step, all of it all.

[Rosebud Baker]

I mean, I'm just like, God damn, how much work does it take to be just a person?

[Ryan Sickler]

Just a normal person, for God's sake?

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. And I kind of have reached this point now where I'm like, this is going to be a. This is good. It's going to be with me, like, forever. You know, I'm always going to be scared to hope for the best because I would rather be pleasantly surprised that things worked out, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes, I do.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I have so many questions.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you glad you weren't there or would you rather have been there?

[Rosebud Baker]

Now that I'm a parent, I am glad that I wasn't. Before, I felt horrendous guilt that I wasn't there. Yeah. Felt really, really guilty. And now almost out of, like, a protective instinct for my daughter, you know, not to. To be able to parent her in a way that is, like, encouraging her to try things and. And make the wild choice and make her own mistakes. And, you know, you have to have a certain level of, you know, like, love and detachment to. To parent someone. And I. So I'm. I'm grateful that I wasn't there because of that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know people may think that's a silly question, but I'll say this. My grandmother, she dropped dead of a heart attack right in front of us. And I was there and gave her CPR. Mouth to mouth. All of it. 91 1, my bro. And it's ugly. It's the ugliest thing I've ever seen. Teeth came up.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I would. I'm glad I was there.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know why.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

But I'm glad I was there.

[Rosebud Baker]

So.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know it's a weird question to ask, and it's interesting that your perspective shifted too.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Yeah. It's funny, like, when I was like, this is kind of a side thing, but When I was kind of deciding if I wanted to be a parent or not, I thought about that, about how, you know, my sister died. And years later, somebody asked me, like, would. When people ask, would you change anything about your life? Even though losing her, I would. I would rather have her back than anything. I still wouldn't change anything about my life. Like, if I was given the choice, I wouldn't have changed anything about my life. So. And that helped me because I was like, no matter what you're gonna have, you're gonna. You're never gonna really be able to say, like, I'm positive I did the right thing. I did the right. There's always gonna be the question of what would things be like if I'd gone a different way or if things had gone a different way. So I. I didn't have to torture myself as much with that, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. The Honeydew is sponsored by Better Help. We often hear about the red flags we should avoid. But what if we started looking more for green flags in our friends and partners? If you're not sure what green flags look like, therapy can help you identify green flags. Actively practice them in your relationships, and embody the green flag energy yourself. It doesn't matter if you're dating, married, building a friendship, or just working on yourself. It's time to form relationships that love you back. You know, I'm a big believer in therapy. I go to therapy. I think that if you have any issues and you need someone to talk to, a therapist is a great option. All right. BetterHelp is fully online, making therapy affordable and convenient, serving over 5 million people worldwide. Access the diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. Easily switch therapists anytime at no extra cost. Discover your relationship green flags with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.comhoneydew to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.comhoneydew now, let's get.

[Rosebud Baker]

Back to the do, because I think losing somebody is really kind of close to the experience of giving birth. And it's traumatic and it's paradigm shifting in the same way.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what? That's very well said.

[Rosebud Baker]

You know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

And waiting to give birth is a lot like waiting for somebody to die.

[Ryan Sickler]

So how does this female dynamic in the house now shift and change and, you know, what becomes of the ladies? Are you do all bond closer? Is there a minute where everybody sort of has to, you know, really think about this? Because.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How. How was she at the time? 7.

[Rosebud Baker]

7.

[Ryan Sickler]

7. So she has her twin sister who's 7, but the next oldest sister is what, like 10.

[Rosebud Baker]

I guess 18, 16.

[Ryan Sickler]

10 and 7 is what I was doing in my head, roughly.

[Rosebud Baker]

I think she was 11.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, she's. Yeah, you're all little.

[Rosebud Baker]

Even.

[Ryan Sickler]

18'S wild to have to deal with some like that.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. I was 17. My sister was 15. Yeah. So. Well, it was really strange because geographically, we all sort of spread out after that. Like, I went to college. My sister went to boarding school. My other sister went to boarding school.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where'd you go to college?

[Rosebud Baker]

Oh, no, my other sister went to middle school. I went to Emerson.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

In Boston. And then.

[Ryan Sickler]

Home of the comedians, right? Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. It wasn't then, but it was. I mean, a lot of that is why I. When I think about, like, who went there. I wanted to go there because of the comics that had gone there. But, yeah, I. My others. Basically, my mom and my dad divorced. You know, my dad got engaged again, and it was just like, everyone spread out. So it really felt like, for me, anyway, I felt really far away from everyone in my family, and I didn't want to go back. Like, I didn't want to go back there. I didn't want to see what it was anymore because I liked the way it was, you know? And then my dad got remarried and my mom moved, and I was really, really angry for a long, long time. I was really mad. And I still get, like. It's still really hard for me to, like, go be with my family. Is it? Yeah. I mean, I have this unnamable resentment that I feel whenever I have to go home. And I know that it's connected to that. Like, I. I know it's connected to that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. How could it not? Yeah, it's such a. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

It's just hard to, like, I think.

[Ryan Sickler]

Of some, like, the poor family also that it was their house that. That happened in.

[Rosebud Baker]

Oh, my God. I know.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would. I would hate to be the house that hosted something like that.

[Rosebud Baker]

I know. Yeah. You know, I feel for them, too. And I've never.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just all of it.

[Rosebud Baker]

It's why, like, when I've told this story, like, I've never mentioned them, I don't want them to. You know what I mean? Like, and I hope that they. If they hear it, that they know that everything has. That I. Even as horrible as it was, wouldn't change my life, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Did they stay friends with your mom, like, or to just sort of Drift.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, I've stayed friends. I've stayed friends with them. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you ever talked to your mom about this? As a mom. Mom to mom about this?

[Rosebud Baker]

Yes, it was.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you close with your mom?

[Rosebud Baker]

I am close.

[Ryan Sickler]

At least close enough to have that conversation.

[Rosebud Baker]

I am close with her. My mom is a lot more emotionally available than I am.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

So it's hard for me because I. I don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Somebody's got to be emotionally available for all these ladies, because dads ain't it.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. And, you know, like, if you give birth five times, you're a fucking open wound. Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Literally. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

For real. So I. And I make. I make fun of her for this because we've been in fights about it where I've said to her, I'm like, there's not enough hours in the day for the amount of crying that you want to do, you know? And she's like, well, what would you have me. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right. All right.

[Rosebud Baker]

You know, so I, like, if I call my mom with like. And I'm. And I want to say something emotionally, I know that I'll start crying. And there's a part of me that just doesn't want to. I. There's like, I don't want to. And. And she loves it, too. It's like her fucking Cinderella story, you know, like Cinderella man story, where she's like, I thought I was out, but she's fucking calling, you know, like. So I just. I did send her a text. I sent her a text this summer because I was just sitting in the car one day, and I, like, thought about it, and I just. I just thought, God, I literally have no idea how she did it. And I have no. I. I have no idea.

[Ryan Sickler]

Also, that's a lot of motherfucking kids.

[Rosebud Baker]

It's a lot. A lot of kids.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then to lose one and still have to be strong enough for.

[Rosebud Baker]

And to walk around five total. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And yeah, to walk around with, like.

[Rosebud Baker]

That need in you to not be able to hold your bit. That's a need.

[Ryan Sickler]

But also, you're right, you know? And also now how helicopter parent you become. Like, I. I feel like I'd be. Oh, my God. Everything my kids did, I'd be hypersensitive about now. Everything. Don't eat your hot dog like that. You're gonna choke. Like, I'd be worried that I'd go. Everything. I'd lose my mind. I'd lose my mind.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. I think it's funny because when she was born, my husband had, like, paternal postpartum anxiety.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can. We can have that. Yeah, I should have used that. I didn't know you could have.

[Rosebud Baker]

You definitely sound like you had it. You sound like you had it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I feel like I use it now.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would use that excuse for a few months for sure. You know what? I forgot. Yeah, I'm gonna put it in now.

[Rosebud Baker]

It's a real fucking thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've never even heard of it.

[Rosebud Baker]

Well, he didn't hurt.

[Ryan Sickler]

No one gives a fuck about. And rightfully so.

[Rosebud Baker]

Fine.

[Ryan Sickler]

But nobody gives a fuck about that.

[Rosebud Baker]

No, it's. And I. But like, I noticed it immediately. He was like, going into the nursery. We were in the hospital. He was going in the nursery to tell them to bring her out so he could check her breathing. Like, I'm like, she's with doctors. And you're like, let me check, let me check. You know what I mean? So it was a lot of that and, and a lot of like, medical anxiety. Like, afraid of like, the air quality or something in the apartment getting into her lungs and like. So it became very apparent that, like, his anxiety was going to be the thing that we needed to worry about, you know, or at least the thing that we needed to, like, get under control before I could even go there. And. And oddly enough, you know, when my daughter was born, I just didn't feel it. I didn't feel like I was like, she's a fucking tank. She's gonna be good.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good.

[Rosebud Baker]

She was eight pounds. She's like six two right now. And I'm like, she's good. You know, she's a real solid kid. And I remembered going to the doctor and being like, what about rsv? And he was like, RSV is not going to make a dent in this kid. Okay? And that was. She was brand new. So I, Yeah, I just. I haven't felt like a helicopter parent. But that's going to change for sure when she. I'm going to have a much harder time when she is walking around doing by herself. That's when I. I know I'm going to go a little nuts because it's like you can't control anything. You know what I mean? You can turn the, the wheel right, and hope the car goes to the right, you know what I mean? But so there, as long as she was with me, there was nothing for me to worry about. But now, now that she's walking and running and I, I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Now I'm starting to feel it.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what it's like to Be a good parent. You know what I mean? A good one.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Imagine if you're an 80s parent. You just be like, go outside.

[Rosebud Baker]

I know.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then they come home at night. You're like, all right, y'all made it all right. You're good.

[Rosebud Baker]

I know.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't even know what the happened out there.

[Rosebud Baker]

I know. I'm like. I look at like, car seats from that time and I'm just like, what car seat? That's like a shitty roller coaster. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

No car seats, no seat belts, no nothing.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How do you. Let me ask this two ways. How did you keep your sister's life alive in the home and stuff like that? And. And do you now? And will you with your daughter? And if so, how do you do that today? I know it's a two part question. So after your sister passes, how do your. How does your family remember her on a. On a. I mean, daily basis? Are there pictures everywhere?

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you doing? So celebrate the. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. And then I'm just realizing that your twins gonna have this birthday.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I'm a twin, so I get it.

[Rosebud Baker]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Man. Oh, man. I just. That just hit me too. I'm sorry.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll shut up.

[Rosebud Baker]

No, I feel. I feel. You know, I always. I always feel bad for Jackie because, you know, she'll get a text. It's like. And I don't know, like, sometimes I'm like, maybe she enjoys the fact that she shares her birthday every year with her twin and that's how she keeps her memory alive. But there's other years where it's like you just. You don't want to share your birthday with someone you lost. You don't want your birthday to be a reminder that you lost.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yearly reminder.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. And so I'm always really conscious of that. And I'm always making sure to, you know, send her a birthday message that is just hers. And I don't know, like we did. We kept her memory alive. Like, there's photos everywhere. Everyone talks about her. You know, everyone shares memories. And I do feel in a lot of ways like I. I sort of lost out on that because the shock, I just forgot every. I forgot every memory. I have, like one memory of her, and I genuinely do not remember anything else. And I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you remember?

[Rosebud Baker]

I remember driving with her to 7 11. She loved Slurpees, and so I would drive her to 711 and we would play. Every little thing she does is magic. You Know. And. And I would. I was not a safe driver, but I would. I would dance like the Muppets. You know how they, like, put their arms out like this? And so I would dance like this and drive with my knees. She's lucky. She lived through that. I'd be sitting here feeling a lot more guilty.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. This be a whole different story.

[Rosebud Baker]

But so, you know, I would do. That's my memory of her. And she was. She thought it was hilarious. It was like a bit that I did that she just loved. And the rest of the stories, I, I, I like them, I enjoy them. I listen to them. But I. I feel it makes me so sad because I can't reach that part of my memory. It's, like, gone. You know? And I've never done whatever kind of therapy can, like, dig that up. Emdr, I think so. Is that the one?

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the one I did. And it. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

It worked. Dr. Drew recommended it to me. I tell everybody about it.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

It really. It's not talk therapy. And it. It has an end game.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And each person gets to their situations end game differently. But.

[Rosebud Baker]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

It. I'll gladly give you the number.

[Rosebud Baker]

Please do. Because I. I have been thinking.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everybody comes along. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

I've been thinking. I'm like, I gotta get back into it.

[Ryan Sickler]

As long as you're ready to go there. Because it's gonna take you there.

[Rosebud Baker]

I have to. Because I got a kid that's growing up and she's gonna be out there in the world.

[Ryan Sickler]

You have to free yourself of that mental.

[Rosebud Baker]

And her anxiety.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes. And her. You do not want to be the parent. Because then they're gonna go buck wild.

[Rosebud Baker]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Coming home with heroin needles.

[Rosebud Baker]

And I'm like, that scares the out of me. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a different world.

[Rosebud Baker]

You know, I'm like.

[Ryan Sickler]

I want to ask you this. And these are questions I'm thinking of just from my past experience. When it came to your sister's funeral, was this a big event like yours? This is a graduation thing. Like, did school recognize it? Did they do anything for that? Was it. I feel like this would be massively attended.

[Rosebud Baker]

I had. I had a bunch of my friends staying with me at my house.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's nice.

[Rosebud Baker]

The morning of our graduation. I remember we all got ready. We went. It was like three days later. You know, we went to graduation.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, I'm sorry. The graduation was three days after the funeral or the funeral three days.

[Rosebud Baker]

No, three days after my sister died is graduation.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, God.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's that close.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. So we went. I got on stage. I remember, like, getting my diploma or whatever. And I just remember everybody, like, clapping really, really loud and hating that. You know what I mean? It's like that comic thing where it's like, you. You tell a joke, and somebody in the audience goes, oh. You know, like, you're like, oh, fuck you, because you'd rather be. I would. I didn't want to be a victim, and. And I just didn't want it to be true, you know? I. That was the thing. I just didn't want it to be true. Like, I didn't want her to be dead.

[Ryan Sickler]

And three days later is two seconds later. Yeah, it's nothing.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You probably hadn't even slept, dude.

[Rosebud Baker]

I didn't know what the Was going on.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why did I go. I'm curious. Did you do that for yourself to cross the stage? Because I'm sure they could have said, hey, we'll just mail you this.

[Rosebud Baker]

I think my mom wanted to make sure that we acknowledged my graduation.

[Ryan Sickler]

I respect that, too.

[Rosebud Baker]

And I. I get that.

[Ryan Sickler]

All these decisions as a mom. Like, you just lost your kid three days ago, and it's like, no, you're gonna graduate, damn it. Yeah, you did that. That's yours, right?

[Rosebud Baker]

And I. Wow. Damn. That just occurred to me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good God.

[Rosebud Baker]

So, yeah, I think it was just like putting one foot in front of the other kind of a thing. And so then I don't remember how much longer it was till the funeral. Sure. It was like, later that week.

[Ryan Sickler]

God, you're having a graduation and a funeral in the same week, I think.

[Rosebud Baker]

For real. I can't remember. But it was like. Yeah. And then. And the funeral was. I don't remember that at all. Again, that was like. I remember seeing her body. I remember seeing you. I remember the wake that I'll never forget seeing a dead body. Like, seeing someone you love, seeing their corpse is like. You just start to go, oh, shit. It's all. That's like a skin suit. You know what I mean? It's. It kind of helped me. I never understood the point of being like, look at death. You know? But, like, now I'm like, I get it. You know? I get it. You kind of have to. You got to go in there and be like, look death in the eye right there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Touch it.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, touch it.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's cold and feel weird.

[Rosebud Baker]

That's not her. You know? And you do feel a little bit better because you go, oh, it's not. It's not that. Whatever we are. It's not like that you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Rosebud Baker]

So that made me feel better. And I spoke at the funeral, and I did. Yeah. And I. I have my mom. Child.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is also every. She has it recorded.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, she's recording of it. I've never listened to it, but at least not in a long time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you have what you wrote still?

[Rosebud Baker]

My mom has it because I put it in her casket.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh.

[Rosebud Baker]

And as the. As she was getting lowered, my mom was like, do you have that. Do you have that thing that you wrote? And I was like, it's in there. And she was like. She was like. She told them to stop and roll it back.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, hold on.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. Yes. She goes, roll it back. And she grabbed it. Roll it back. She grabbed it.

[Ryan Sickler]

She took that out.

[Rosebud Baker]

She took it. She was like, I want it. I was like, you really are a mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Good God. Right now.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hold up. Don't put my casket in the ground. Ye out.

[Rosebud Baker]

She also. My dad. My dad. My mom wanted to put a Slurpee in the. In the casket. My dad was like, you're not gonna put a Slurpee in the casket. My mom snuck in and put a Slurpee under the blankets so that she got a Slurpee. You know what I mean? It's like. It's really cute, but it's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Whatever helps you, too. Did you. Have you ever had your talk with your dad about it?

[Rosebud Baker]

No, not really. Yeah, my dad, you know, he tries to talk about it, but it.

[Ryan Sickler]

He does.

[Rosebud Baker]

Ish. Ish, you know, like, he'll send.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's. What's that for him?

[Rosebud Baker]

He'll, like, send pictures from her grave.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, he'll go visit her.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, he'll visit her. He visits her grave, I think, more than anyone else, really. He visits her grave? Yeah. I. I don't. I really don't. And I. It's just like, I can't do it. I. And I. I think about her all the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh.

[Rosebud Baker]

I talk about her to my. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's crazy, but I don't. I can't, like. I don't know. Seeing a grave is, like, scary to me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you go. Do you go see it when you're back home or anything?

[Rosebud Baker]

No, no.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you. Ever. Since the funeral, have you ever gone to visit?

[Rosebud Baker]

I don't think. I mean, I might have once.

[Ryan Sickler]

I really.

[Rosebud Baker]

I really don't like being there. I don't. It, like. It just, like, hurt. It hurts too much to, like, go back there, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

I don't like to look at it and I don't. I don't like to think of her as. I don't like to think of her like that. You know, I don't know why I can't, like, fully. Damn. I've never cried on a podcast.

[Ryan Sickler]

You got me going over, but you.

[Rosebud Baker]

Know what I mean? Like, I can't. I just don't. I think I really still have a lot of, like, leftover, like, anger about it, and. And I've seen it a lot in the last, like, two years, but, you know, like, I should have seen it before because it was there. But when I had the baby and I. And I was pregnant and I was like, all this shit was coming up, and it's like you just start to really have to face your.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

And I'm starting to see it just.

[Ryan Sickler]

Laying down there dormant in a hammock.

[Rosebud Baker]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Sickler]

Waiting its turn to pop up and ruin your. For.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, I've. I've been in therapy for 10 years. How did I barely make a dent in this? How the.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's all new, too. Yeah. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

You know, but no, I haven't really been back and, you know, maybe I will. Maybe I'll. Maybe I'll go back.

[Ryan Sickler]

Something you could do with your daughter one day.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. I mean, just the world's worst field trip. But I. I do think, like, also.

[Ryan Sickler]

Does it fuck with you that your sister. What are the twins names again?

[Rosebud Baker]

Graham and Jackie.

[Ryan Sickler]

Jackie. Jackie passed. No, grand past Jackie. So were they identical or fraternal?

[Rosebud Baker]

Fraternal.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do they look alike at all? Like, when you see Jack. So it's not a weird thing where you're always seeing this person that was identical, this person that passed. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

No, Graham looked like me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. We looked almost identical to each other.

[Ryan Sickler]

I knew I was gonna cry.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, talk to me about the. Is it. I'm. And I'm an idiot. Please talk to me like I'm a moron. But is it a law? Is it a. What is it your mom had created? Is it an act? What is it that. That is. And how did she, like, do it? Did she.

[Rosebud Baker]

She had legislation passed. I don't know if it was an act or law or. I think it's a law, but it's. She went up against, like, the. The big pool. I don't know what you call it.

[Ryan Sickler]

The bpi.

[Rosebud Baker]

And. And she made sure.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your mom's out there battling big pool.

[Rosebud Baker]

She's out there bottling. Just. Just. Just right up against big Jacuzzi and you Know those pigs. And so she got this law passed that every jacuzzi has to have a drain cover on it so that this kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because they don't have a cap now. Yeah, that's because of your sister and your mom.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, that's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why does that with you. When you go somewhere and you see a goddamn Jacuzzi and that's on there.

[Rosebud Baker]

I always, you know, sometimes I'll like look down to see if it's there. I don't, I never trust that it's there. Even if it's there, I don't trust that it's there. So I don't like, you know, I'll go in a Jacuzzi, but I don't like Jacuzzis. It's like they don't, they're not a party place for me anymore. I, I like, I remember we had one outside of our hotel room on my honeymoon and I was like, sweet, you know, like, I just, I'm like, I'm not going in that thing. So. Yeah, I just, it's kind of weird that it's down there. That and it, and it makes me really grateful that like she was able to save so many.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, that's all I'm talking about. Your mom must be a strong woman to lose her child, to still sit there in the brave face. I.

[Rosebud Baker]

She was sober.

[Ryan Sickler]

Could you attend graduate?

[Rosebud Baker]

I mean, what the fuck?

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't think I could go to my kids graduation three days later. I know I'd have to, but man, to go and show up and break and then to sit with it, deal with it and then say, I'm going to do something about this. What a also great way to fucking remember.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your child too.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, what a legacy. That's pretty fucking awesome.

[Rosebud Baker]

I think, I think she.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it called something. I'm so scared.

[Rosebud Baker]

The Virginia Graham Baker Pool and Spa Safety Act. It is an act.

[Ryan Sickler]

An act. Okay. Virginia the state or is Virginia.

[Rosebud Baker]

Virginia was her first name and Graham was Virginia.

[Ryan Sickler]

So that's a fair question.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So this is her full name act.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And it's what, nationwide everywhere you go now. I mean if you're doing them now, what year was that? What did it start? Do you know?

[Rosebud Baker]

Damn, I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

90S?

[Rosebud Baker]

No. Would have been in the 2000s. Yeah. Would have been like 2010, 2011. Yeah. Maybe 2009.

[Ryan Sickler]

But did you, did she, did you know she was doing this?

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did?

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, I did.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did she call you the day it happened and be like, we finally.

[Rosebud Baker]

We Went. Yeah, we went down, we went to the White House.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did? What the, what do you mean?

[Rosebud Baker]

We went down to the White House. George Bush was in the White House.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

And Senior.

[Ryan Sickler]

W W, Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

So we went down and we saw him sign it and we were there.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he signed, literally signed your sister's names act. Wow.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's awesome.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah. I mean, my mom was in a unique position to be able to get that done because of my granddad and because of who he was.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who was he?

[Rosebud Baker]

He was Secretary of State under George Bush Senior.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right? Oh, no shit.

[Rosebud Baker]

Okay. James Baker.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's her grandfather.

[Rosebud Baker]

That's my granddad.

[Ryan Sickler]

Your grandma, your dad. Mom's dad. Gotcha.

[Rosebud Baker]

My dad's dad, but my mom's father in law. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Rosebud Baker]

So she was able to do, she was able to use that, I think, for something good.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

And I am grateful for that because I, I, she was like, she was not gonna rest until something got done about it, you know, and she knew that she was in a unique position to be able to do that because of who my granddad was and, or is. And he's still alive. But, yeah, he was able to help her get that done too. I'm really grateful to him for that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that's, I mean, that is awesome.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, man. Rosebud Baker. All right, so my last question before we get to my very last question is, as your daughter does get older, is Graham someone you're going to tell her about and, you know, Absolutely. Do you have pictures of her around your house now or anything like that? You do?

[Rosebud Baker]

Good. Yeah, I have pictures of her around the house. I considered for a long time whether or not I was going to use her name with my daughter. I ended up not because I already knew I was going to be dealing with a lot of, like, you know, post, post traumatic whatever.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

And I was like, let's not, let's not do that. But I, I, I always tell her, I'm like, you have a, you have an auntie Graham, you know, And I don't, you know, she doesn't talk yet, but I, I'm excited to tell her about her, you know, and it's pretty awesome.

[Ryan Sickler]

She's got all these aunts. She's got a bunch of ants. Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

She's got so many aunts.

[Ryan Sickler]

So many aunts. A lot of cousins. You're. Well, no, you're the oldest, so maybe not yet.

[Rosebud Baker]

Well, she has, my sister had a baby before me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Rosebud Baker]

And she has another cousin who's like, Six months apart from her. So my sister had two bit. My, my sister left my labor, went home and found out she was pregnant.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Rosebud Baker]

Again. Yeah, again.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Rosebud Baker]

So, you know, I, I hope she has a lot of cousins. I, I think that would be really special. You know, I, I want, like, I wish that I could give her sisters, but I, I don't know if I want to have more than one kid. I think it's one and done for me. Yeah, you know, it's. It's gonna take a lot of undoing old to be able to raise her the way I want to raise her. So, you know, you have to have time to do that. You have to have time to give yourself. So.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I mentioned before we did this podcast that I was going to ask you at the end of whatever we talked about advice you would give to your 16 year old self. Curious, because that's like the year before year is the worst horrible thing. What do you say?

[Rosebud Baker]

Oh, my God. Oh my God. I didn't even put that together when we were in the parking lot before. I think if there was anything that I would say to myself, it's that nothing, nothing is going to stay the same forever, you know, and you have to, rather than focusing on protecting what you have in this moment, just focus on enjoying it and, and when it, when it changes and when you have to let it go, don't be afraid to be sad and don't be afraid to let it change you.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's great advice. Yeah, good for you.

[Rosebud Baker]

I think that's what I would say, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Rosebud Baker, thank, thank you for real for coming on and doing this.

[Rosebud Baker]

Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know that wasn't easy to talk about.

[Rosebud Baker]

No, thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm sorry I made you cry.

[Rosebud Baker]

I'm glad you made me cry. I have to, I have to watch fucking Dumbo getting cradled between prison bars to cry normally. So this is good.

[Ryan Sickler]

Please promote everything and anything you'd like one more time.

[Rosebud Baker]

Yeah, just check out my road dates on rosebudbaker.com. definitely check out my special the Mother Load. It's out on Netflix right now. And I got an old special too out there on YouTube called Whiskey Fists. And that's it. And I'm on, you know, YouTube, Instagram, Tic Tac, Rosebud Baker.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, thank you very much.

[Rosebud Baker]

Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

You got it. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll to y'all next week. Ryan Seacrest here. When you have a busy schedule, it's important to maximize your downtime. One of the best ways to do that is by going to chumbacasino.com Chumba Casino has all your favorite social casino games like spin slots, bingo and solitaire that you can play for free for a chance to redeem some serious prizes. So hop on to chumbacasino.com now and live the Chumba life. Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Rosebud Baker]

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[Ryan Sickler]

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