327: Harland Williams' Grandma was the King of KFC

Summary

The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler: Episode 327 Summary

Title: Harland Williams' Grandma was the King of KFC
Release Date: March 31, 2025
Host: Ryan Sickler
Guest: Harlan Williams

---

Introduction

In Episode 327 of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler, comedian Ryan Sickler welcomes back fellow comedian Harlan Williams to share heartfelt and humorous stories about their grandmothers. The episode delves deep into themes of family, mortality, and the unexpected lessons learned from cherished relatives.

---

Stories of the Grandmothers

1. Grandma Flo (Van Gunder Splat)

Harlan opens up about his enigmatic grandmother, Flo Van Gunder Splat, affectionately dubbed "Captain KFC" by the family. Born in Canada, Flo led an extraordinary life that oscillated between athletic prowess and profound health challenges.

• Early Life & Roller Derby Career:
  Flo was an athletic individual passionate about roller skating. She even participated in roller derby under the stage name "Skinny Mini Miller". Her dedication saw her featured on shows like Roller Mania:

  [07:17] Harlan: "She was on the list. She just loved doing that."

• Injury & Shift to Overeating:
  A severe leg injury during her mid-20s ended her roller derby career, leading Flo to cope through excessive eating, ultimately becoming morbidly obese, weighing close to 800 pounds. This drastic change isolated her from regular activities and tethered her to her bed.

• KFC Obsession:
  Flo's love for KFC became legendary in the family. She was often seen with a KFC bucket, inhaling the aroma and even wearing it as a makeshift helmet:

  [11:32] Harlan: "Van Gunder Splat. She loved it. And we'd go in there and this..."

• Removal & Tragicomic Death:
  Due to her immense weight and health complications, family members had to hire cranes to remove her from the house. In an almost surreal turn of events, Flo's fake legs with roller skates caused her body to roll down a hill, inadvertently scoring a winning goal for a local Armenian soccer team and eventually passing away at a Burger King drive-through with a Whopper and cheese in hand. This bizarre sequence concluded with her body stopping on a little boy's arm, symbolizing a bittersweet end:

  [22:18] Harlan: "As fate would have it... her body rolled to a stop right on his arm."

2. Grandma Velma

Velma, Harlan's other grandmother, lived in Glendale, California, and was a beacon of warmth and generosity, especially during the holidays.

• Christmas Traditions:
  Velma cherished winter and orchestrated magical Christmas Eves for local children who had never experienced snow. She would sing carols from a special chair, creating unforgettable memories:

  [26:34] Harlan: "And Velma, God bless her, she got up on the chair and started singing in the middle of the room."

• Compassionate Lessons:
  Harlan recounts a poignant moment when he stole money from Velma's purse. Instead of reprimanding him publicly, Velma chose subtlety and compassion, teaching him the value of personal accountability without judgment:

  [41:27] Harlan: "She sort of knew how I felt... she knew how grief-stricken I was that I disappointed her."

---

Reflections on Death and Mortality

The conversation naturally transitions to deeper reflections on death, loss, and the profound impact of witnessing mortality at a young age.

• Harlan's First Encounter with Death:
  At 14, Harlan faced his grandfather's death, grappling with the reality of mortality and the stillness of a lifeless body:

  [45:28] Harlan: "I remember being angry, too, that this beautiful man... he's gone."

• Ryan's Personal Experiences:
  Ryan shares his traumatic experiences with death, including witnessing his grandmother's sudden passing and the emotional turmoil it caused both him and his daughter:

  [50:20] Ryan: "And she was mad about it... It was another sympathy card."

• Life Lessons & Coping Mechanisms:
  Both Ryan and Harlan discuss how these encounters with death shaped their understanding of life, compassion, and the importance of cherishing every moment. Harlan emphasizes the intuitive compassion grandmothers possess, teaching valuable life lessons without imposing judgment:

  [43:27] Harlan: "Grandmothers and mothers are very intuitive that way."

---

Lessons Learned

Throughout the episode, the stories of Flo and Velma serve as vessels for life lessons on resilience, compassion, and the unpredictability of life.

• Resilience in the Face of Adversity:
  Flo's transition from a vibrant roller derby star to battling severe obesity underscores the human capacity to endure and the unforeseen challenges life presents.

• Compassion Over Judgment:
  Velma's handling of Harlan's misstep teaches a powerful lesson on empathy and the strength of silent support over public reprimand.

• Appreciation of Life's Fragility:
  Both hosts reflect on the transient nature of life, reinforcing the importance of valuing loved ones and embracing each day as a gift.

---

Conclusion

Episode 327 of The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler masterfully balances humor with heartfelt narratives, offering listeners an intimate glimpse into the lives of Harlan Williams' grandmothers. Through shared stories and personal reflections, the episode highlights the profound impact of family, the lessons learned from loss, and the enduring spirit of those we've lost. As Harlan poignantly remarks,

[38:36] Harlan: "Those are my grandmother's stories."

Listeners are left with a deeper appreciation for the complexities of life and the invaluable lessons passed down through generations.

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Notable Quotes:

• Harlan Williams:

  • "As fate would have it, that afternoon the girls Armenian soccer team was having their final... her legs rolled right out onto the field and scored the winning goal." [22:18]
  • "She never told them. And so I sort of learned from her about compassion." [41:21]
  • "Grandmothers and mothers are very intuitive that way." [43:27]

• Ryan Sickler:

  • "And she was mad about it... It was another sympathy card." [50:20]
  • "I don't know if that would have worked." [57:50]

---

This episode serves as a touching exploration of family bonds, the enduring influence of grandmothers, and the bittersweet nature of life's final chapters. Whether you’re seeking laughter or moments of reflection, Episode 327 offers a compelling narrative that resonates on multiple levels.

Transcript

[Ryan Sickler]

Tuesday, April 8th at 8pm Come see me run my hour at the world famous Comedy Store before I head to shoot my special Madison, Wisconsin comedy on State. I'm excited to work with them and bring you my next special two shows Saturday, April 12th. Get your tickets now at Ryan sickler.com the Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y'all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Want to say thank you for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do. I genuinely appreciate it. You guys are the best fans in comedy. And if you gotta have more, then you gotta have the Patreon. It's the Honeydew with you all. It is this show with you all. And it is the wildest show on Patreon. It's five bucks a month. We also have an additional tier for three more bucks. You're getting bonus content you're not getting anywhere else. You're getting the way back a day early. You're getting it ad free. Everything's sensor free. All that stuff over there. All right, that's the biz. You guys know what we're doing here? We're highlighting the low lights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest back on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, Harlan Williams. Welcome back to the.

[Harlan Williams]

Am I allowed to clap for myself?

[Ryan Sickler]

You better clap for yourself, Harlow Williams.

[Harlan Williams]

Well, you stopped before I did.

[Ryan Sickler]

I started before you did, though.

[Harlan Williams]

Evens out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yep.

[Harlan Williams]

Life's like that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Life's like it. It's a long game if you're in it long enough.

[Harlan Williams]

If you're in it long enough. It's a long game if you don't die.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what I'm saying.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

So dying. Maybe not do that before we get in.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm excited to actually have an episode with you today because we're gonna do a grandmom episode today. But before we get into our grandmoms, that's before we get into talking about our grandmoms plug. Whatever you'd like, please.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, my gosh. Well, just check out the Harland highway podcast on YouTube where Ryan's been a guest and many other wonderful people. And keep your eyes peeled for my new movie coming out that I wrote and directed called Wingman with Russell Peters and Jamie Kennedy and Kayla Wallace. And it'll be coming out probably this year, so keep your eyes peeled.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you know where are you allowed.

[Harlan Williams]

To say we don't know. We're just finishing up the post production and then we're going out to sell it. But it's called Wingman and it's getting back to non woke comedy. Just edgy, kind of feral, fairly brothers type like wild comedy. And the movie's about a crazy over the top wingman who helps losers find women.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, a lot of fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I always ask people, you know, what they want to talk about. And you had mentioned outside about your grandmom, so.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, both of them.

[Ryan Sickler]

And, and my. I was very, very close with one of my grand. Both my grandmas. But my one grandmom, Carmela is the one that, you know, it's my business name. Like there's.

[Harlan Williams]

Did she have diabetes?

[Ryan Sickler]

She did not have diabetes, but she.

[Harlan Williams]

Did that name, Carbella. Probably should have. I mean, not to be big.

[Ryan Sickler]

A little sugary.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. Sweet cream puff by any chance? Carmela?

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Harlan Williams]

What was her last name?

[Ryan Sickler]

Sickler.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, so shoot. You were laid it. Wow. Awesome.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's hear about your grandmother before I let you derail this whole thing and I just laugh at you for it.

[Harlan Williams]

Well, it's tough to talk about grandmothers because they're. They're like our second mothers. Right. It's like if you have good ones.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, it sounds like you were lucky to. And you, you knew you had relationships with both.

[Harlan Williams]

Wonderful. Yeah. So close. And they're so. I mean, because they're older, they're not your mothers, but they're your grandmothers. So they don't come at you with the motherly, you know, rules and enforcement. They're kind of like the, hey, everything's usually always good. So both of them, God bless them, have passed on. But what, what I, you know, even though there's a bit of tragedy to the stories I'm going to tell, the endings are sort of uplifting. And the first one was my grandmother, Flo. Her last name is because it's German. Right, Flo? Van Gunder. Van Gundersplat is there. Is her. It's like a German.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is the part of hanging out with you where I'm like, what is this, dude?

[Harlan Williams]

What's her name?

[Ryan Sickler]

You stumbled saying it. That's why I question it. He stumbled on it.

[Harlan Williams]

What is it?

[Ryan Sickler]

What is it.

[Harlan Williams]

Then then? Gunder splat. Is it, bro? Is it really? It is. It's true.

[Ryan Sickler]

Say it one more time.

[Harlan Williams]

Van Gunder Splat.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Harlan Williams]

I believe it's the worst name. That's why I was laughing. It's like the worst name. Is it One, one word. Van Gundersplat. It's just. Yeah. Ridiculous name.

[Ryan Sickler]

And whose mom is this? Mom?

[Harlan Williams]

This is my dad's mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Harlan Williams]

And flat. And. And she, she lived an interesting life, but in the end it was sort of tragic because, you know, like all of us, we start off trim and slim and Flo, by the end of her days, was one of these morbidly obese people. She was what we call in our neighborhood a big gun.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Harlan Williams]

She was a big one.

[Ryan Sickler]

And are we talking about. We. We see these shows now on TV and stuff. We're talking about home ridden and stuff.

[Harlan Williams]

Yep.

[Ryan Sickler]

Really bad sore inside.

[Harlan Williams]

Stuck inside. Do you know a weight she maxed out at? I think it was close to 8.

[Ryan Sickler]

No way.

[Harlan Williams]

Bundy. Yeah, yeah, I know. Like jumbelina. Like it was tough. Eight hundred pounds. Yeah. Wait a year. Where do you hear how we got her out of the house? Yeah, I know, dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

And this is in Canada.

[Harlan Williams]

This is in Canada. And wait, can I ask you.

[Ryan Sickler]

We. Yes, we all do start slim, trim, whatever. Most of us don't get to £800. What happened for her to get there?

[Harlan Williams]

Well, I think it was a mixture of. When she was younger, she was very athletic. She was very. She loved. Her thing was roller skating. She loved roller skating to me. And she was in even one of those stupid. You remember in the. I don't know if you remember in the 70s, they had like that show Roller Mania.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

So she actually did a little stint in. In this thing. Her rolling name was actually Skinny Mini Miller, if you can believe it or not. And she did that for. She was on that list.

[Ryan Sickler]

And here's the funny thing. I believe that more than Gun Vandersplot.

[Harlan Williams]

No, that's. I know I've known you too long, by the way. Gunter splat. Not. You got it backwards.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm going gun first.

[Harlan Williams]

Van Gunder spot. And so she was. She just loved. Loved doing that. And you know, that was a very physical league. Like, if you ever go back and look at it on YouTube, I mean, how. It was sort of like a performance thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, Roller derby.

[Harlan Williams]

So roller derby.

[Ryan Sickler]

They would take them from the back.

[Harlan Williams]

And swing them up front and they.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dive and take out hammer.

[Harlan Williams]

It was like probably more violent than hockey. They would hip check them and knock them over the railing. And so she sustained a bad leg injury. Like she really like banged up one of her legs and it took her out and it really affected her. And her way to. Her coping mechanism was to eat. And so she just started going and going and what age would you say.

[Ryan Sickler]

When she started the. The, you know, trek into obesity?

[Harlan Williams]

I. I would say it was like her early 30s, because she was. She was doing this thing in her mid to late 20s. And then, you know, it's.

[Ryan Sickler]

One more question.

[Harlan Williams]

Sure, anything.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you remember her as? The skinny version? Did you meet her, know her then, or as a kid? Did you only meet the bigger lady?

[Harlan Williams]

We. We remember her a little because we would watch her sometimes, you know, when we were little kids, and we were like, holy smokes. So we. Whenever, A, someone's on tv and B, someone sort of, you know, in a sports league. Even though it was sort of kooky back then, back then, people loved it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I remember seeing it on, like, I want to say ABC Sports.

[Harlan Williams]

It was a legit scene for a while. And then, you know, the way they marketed and. And so people, you know, so to not only show our grandmother, but she was sort of like, wow, she was like this celebrity sort of, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

And wrestling on wheels.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, that's sort of what it was. And she was good. You got, you know, it's one thing to roller skate, to be able to move and turn backwards and, you know, it was quite. Quite the athletic ability she had.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love that your grandma was a Rolly Derber.

[Harlan Williams]

Is that wild Roller derby. Roller derby, yeah. And Skinny Minnie Miller was her stage name, I guess, is what you want to call it. And so you can imagine. So when she got knocked out of that, she had. She had like a year or two where she was like, oh, I'll find something else. But when you're an athlete, when you do something like that, it's hard to move on, especially when you're taken out of it in your prime. Right. And so here she goes, and she's out. So then she slowly, she. She didn't really find something that replaced that passion and she couldn't be athletic anymore. And so here we go, eating, starting to eat, and just started getting bigger and bigger and bigger and just, like, out of control to the point we couldn't. My poor parents, they couldn't deal with it. And, you know, you can't tell someone to stop eating and just, you know. And I don't want to be cruel, but us kids, we had the, you know, the fat jokes and, you know, it's just. It's a natural thing. And she loved it. Like, she was obsessed with food, like, to the point, I remember she'd get buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken and I'd go into, you know, we'd Go in to see her now and then and we'd walk in the room and she'd have the bucket because she wanted to. She wanted to sniff it. Vander Splat had the gunder spot out of kfc. Come on, dude. She loves.

[Ryan Sickler]

No one has of their.

[Harlan Williams]

Wow. She loved the smell because it's like putting a cone of 11 herbs and spices grease. I know. She loved it. Sometimes you could see her tongue coming up from the book. She loved it. She loved it, dude. That stripe. Red and white stripe. I'm telling you, dude, Van Gunder Splat. She loved it. And we'd go in there and this.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is a time to. Before door dashes and stuff. So somebody's got to bring that food. She's not. Who's doing that?

[Harlan Williams]

Well, every now and then we would. The kids would bring it in, but sometimes we wouldn't want to go into the room. And when you're talking because it would sort of, you know, it would hate to be mean. It would stink.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, of course it does.

[Harlan Williams]

When you close the door, it sort of almost creates a vacuum seal. And you know, as kids we'd open that door, it's like, like a wave of like meatloaf or seven layer lasagna. I just hit you like a nuclear wind. Yeah, it was. It's like you're in a Dutch oven. But you weren't even in bed with her. It was just like rough. It was rough.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I mean £800. So she's just stuck in this room. Who's cleaning her?

[Harlan Williams]

Who's. Oh, they had to hire like people to help.

[Ryan Sickler]

People did come over because the bed sores.

[Harlan Williams]

If you don't wash the bed sores, I mean, those things look like a jellyfish stung you, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

They're like big welts and just like legs. It was like moving. Just the noise was like eating jello. Just like, you know, it's like, it's just awful. It's never good. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who has the money to afford. I always think about that, like to eat like that.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're not just eating modestly if you're getting to a hundred pounds a year or whatever it is.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I mean as you. So who's paying for that? She doesn't have a job. She owned disability. She has to be on some kind of disability.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. But also, don't forget in Canada we have that, that medical system where she was able to get assistance. And believe me, they're not, they're not, you know, looking to pay her grocery bills, but they're trying to, you know, kind of deal with the health issue that's there. So it's like money to heal. But they sort of knew that the budget was half going to the groceries. So it's, it's, you know, it's fortunate that it happened there and here. I don't know what would have happened. But in Canada they have that. The medical system where everything's free and you know, so.

[Ryan Sickler]

So as you're going back over the years, you're seeing her just like considerably bigger.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh yeah. Just like, you know, getting bigger and bigger.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where is she in the house? In a bedroom. She's in her bedroom.

[Harlan Williams]

Upstairs. She's upstairs. She's upstairs. Christ ye. And it's. It's literally. It's one of those things where, you know, she's so obese that she can't get out of bed. And so eventually got to the point where it's like, if we don't get you out of here, you're going to die, obviously. And you know, we'd come in, there'd be rappers on the floor. You'd walk in and step. Your foot would go into a lasagna or something. You know, it just. It was like crazy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or you see on the head.

[Harlan Williams]

I'm not kidding. And one time she. She bit the. She had eyes, dude. She had a great sense of humor. And she'd have the KFC bucket on her head with. You could see her eyes moving around like. Like this. You know, it was. Yeah, it was weird all day, I guess. Dude, you get. You're bored, you can't move, so you get creative.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is she watch. Is there a TV on with some kind.

[Harlan Williams]

But you can only watch so much. And we. And I told you the kids would joke and you know, she'd have this thing on. It wasn't all the time. It was now and then. And I'm not kidding. You could hear her sniffing the bucket because the. The herbs and spider. You could see her tongue come out like a German. Yes. Licking from underneath. I know it's. But the kids would joke and. Because sometimes she'd bite. She'd bite holes and make the eyes. No, she'd bite them. And we called her Captain KFC because. Because she'd have the helmet on and the stripe red and white. It was. I mean it. Kids can be cruel, I'll admit. But I mean, this is also an.

[Ryan Sickler]

Extreme case of testing a child's.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ability to not on this person.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't care what age you are, if you See somebody with a KFC bucket on their head around or whatever you're like, this is. Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

And sometimes it got turned into anger. Like my mother went in there to. To wash her bed sores one day a. I think she had a bucket of Windex or something and she.

[Ryan Sickler]

I wouldn't wash bed sores.

[Harlan Williams]

I just remember spraying Windex on her legs. And I don't. It wasn't me, it was my mother. But one day my mother went in and she slipped on my. I guess a piece of good KFC skin was on the floor.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, I don't believe.

[Harlan Williams]

Dude, my mother went right up, smashed her head on the.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's not true.

[Harlan Williams]

Dude. Dude, ask my mother. What the. Ask my mother. My mother, she hit her head on the edge of the. Of the. The. The table because of some cannabis water. Like breast. It was breast skin, not the big piece. And she slipped. Boom. And. And you know, Flo Van Gunder blunt.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why isn't Van Gunder's blood eating the skin?

[Harlan Williams]

Because she's eating so fast. It's flying. It's just flying. Like. It's like. You ever seen a weed whacker go through? Yeah, it's just like meat. It's just like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, is it really like that? She's just devoured.

[Harlan Williams]

She's just chewing and it was just a mess. And so here we go. And then finally we arrive at the day where we got to get her out.

[Ryan Sickler]

How old is she at this point now?

[Harlan Williams]

She's. She's getting up there. She's. I think she's 79. Which is. Which is living late for a chubby. For. For.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, that seems to be really late. It's really late pound person.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. So she. But she didn't survive the move. No. What? They had to cut the hole in the roof. You've seen it on these shows where they had to bring the crane in.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was wondering if they didn't go like cut a hole in the floor to go down, but.

[Harlan Williams]

No, they cut a hole. They cut a hole because I would have done too much damage to the. The rest of the house. So they had to cut a hole in the roof?

[Ryan Sickler]

No. Yeah, second story house.

[Harlan Williams]

Second story. But that's easy. They got these cr. They got cranes that can go up 80 floors.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I've seen them.

[Harlan Williams]

Two floors is nothing.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you're saying they cut a hole in the roof?

[Harlan Williams]

They cut a hole in the roof.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who does this job construct?

[Harlan Williams]

No, they had to hire like a contractor. Come on. I think it was Rasika families I remember it was Rasika Construction, they're actually a sponsor. And they had to cut a hole in the roof. Yeah. Now here's the kicker. It was supposed to go smoothly, but there was a nest of owls in the roof.

[Ryan Sickler]

Shut the.

[Harlan Williams]

There's four baby owls fell on her lap and she ate them. She ate it. No, they did. That did happen, but the rest did.

[Ryan Sickler]

Which makes me think none of this.

[Harlan Williams]

No, no, they pulled her out.

[Ryan Sickler]

No way. Yeah, your grandmom was lifted by a crane out of her house because she's 800 pounds and they had to get.

[Harlan Williams]

Her to the hospital.

[Ryan Sickler]

And that's true.

[Harlan Williams]

That. Yeah, she. You can look it up. You can look at how she went to Our lady of Guadalupe and they put her in the.

[Ryan Sickler]

There ain't no goddamn record of Van Gunder splat that's ever been in Our Lady Aquatic.

[Harlan Williams]

Dude, I had to live through this trauma.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know about any of this.

[Harlan Williams]

So they get her into the hospital and gangrene set in in her legs. That's why we had to get her out the bed sores transition into no circulation. Right. So guess what? They had to amputate her lower legs from the thigh down. Lost her legs. Okay. She survived in the hospital after that for two months. And on her way out, her. Her dying request, she had the steel. The replacement legs we had, they put on the steel. What are they called? The.

[Ryan Sickler]

Those blades, the new blades?

[Harlan Williams]

No, no, they were like fake appendages, like from the. From the thigh down.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I know you're talking with the like cup. And it's got the steel leg thingy on it.

[Harlan Williams]

So they put those on. And the poor gal, she, she. She was dying. Like we. The doctor said she's got like a week. And her dying request was. And I don't blame her, she said if you could. I don't know if you could put roller skates on my feet. This whole story is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Grandma somebody's grandma was a roller derby.

[Harlan Williams]

Her dying request was to be buried with her roller skates on. And so I'll never forget.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just put him in the coffin. What are they bearing in?

[Harlan Williams]

She wanted? Cuz she was skinny. Mini Miller.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I know Kitty Will.

[Harlan Williams]

And so as I said, there's sort of an enlightening story at the end of this, despite all the tragedy, we had to carry her coffin.

[Ryan Sickler]

How?

[Harlan Williams]

Down the stairs. Well, we had. Normally I have six pallbearers, we had 22 and it was unbelievable. So there she is in her coffin, roller skates on with her fake Legs, we're coming down the church steps. We're on a hill. We dropped the coffin.

[Ryan Sickler]

I knew it.

[Harlan Williams]

Flow Van Grunder. Splat. She falls out.

[Ryan Sickler]

She gives a Van Gunder.

[Harlan Williams]

She does event. Her legs come off the roller skates. Her legs are rolling down the hill towards the city. And dude, this is where. This is where fate comes in.

[Ryan Sickler]

Fate.

[Harlan Williams]

As fate would have it, that afternoon the girls Armenian soccer team was having their final. Their final game.

[Ryan Sickler]

Championship game.

[Harlan Williams]

Championship game. Her legs rolled right out onto the field and scored the winning goal. Unbelievable. Just. No one could believe it. But here's the real kicker.

[Ryan Sickler]

Don't fucking give me kicker.

[Harlan Williams]

After the. After the rollers, she scored the. They rolled right down. And the. Oh, my God. But her body was so big, it was like an elephant seal. And her body rolled down the hill. It kept going. And this is. I don't know how God times things, but at the bottom of the hill there was a Burger King. He rolled right through the drive through just as the lady was handing out. Just as she was handing out a bag with a Whopper with cheese. And when you're that fat, your. Your body's rolling. And her arms were flapping around so she didn't have legs when she went through the drive through. Her hand grabbed the bag. She died with a Whopper with cheese in her hand. And here's the final kicker. Her body rolled to a stop. There was a little boy, Timmons. Timmons McGuffin, a neighborhood boy. His hobby was to press butterflies. Have you ever seen that hobby? You put them in a book and you press them. This kid was down at the end of the road and he was pressing a monarch butterfly. And her body rolled to a stop right on his arm. And when they rolled her off finally with a crane, the butterfly was perfectly flat, that is. And Timmons was just smiling from ear to ear. Yeah, yeah. So God bless her. What a. But it. Isn't it funny how something nice came out of it at the end?

[Ryan Sickler]

Dude, that is a fantastic 25 goddamn minute story.

[Harlan Williams]

Not wild. I love the old gal.

[Ryan Sickler]

RIP Greta was her first Flow, flow. My bad flow.

[Harlan Williams]

Van Gogh.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah. Rest in peace, Grandma Van Gunder. God, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Harlan Williams]

Thank you, buddy.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'll be honest, I. A lot of twists and turns there I didn't see coming. But the one I really didn't see coming. I really would have thought she'd been lucky enough to check out with a kfc. But you hit Whopper with cheese.

[Harlan Williams]

Well, she rolled, right? Yeah, she Rolled right over a Ford Mustang convertible. And her flapping arms. Just as fate when I grabbed the bag as it went right through the. And then little Timmons finally got his flattened monarch.

[Ryan Sickler]

Beautiful story.

[Harlan Williams]

Whenever there's a butterfly in a story, it's beautiful.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you think of her when you see butterflies now?

[Harlan Williams]

I think of her more when I go to the Burger King. Drive through.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's hear about your other grandma.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, Velma.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, Velma.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh. So this is a. More of a localized story. So, Velma, this involves kids. Some wonderful kids. So, Velma. We live up in Glendale. We live up in Glendale. We live with Velma. Well, she passed away recently, but we lived there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Was Glendale everywhere, huh? Is there a Glendale everywhere? Glendale, Arizona?

[Harlan Williams]

Glenda, this is Glendale, California, you're talking about out here? Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, gotcha, Gotcha.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. She lives up in Glendale, California, and right in the shadow of the Armenian Community Center. Have you seen this place? I don't know if any of your viewers are architect nuts or anything, but this. This thing is sort of like an architectural wonder. I mean, it's, you know, a rectangle, and it's unbelievable. And so the old gal is 8, was 86. And we would always go up and spend Christmas with her in Glendale. And she loved winter. You're from back east, right? So you know what it's like when snow comes down on Christmas Eve.

[Ryan Sickler]

So pretty, right?

[Harlan Williams]

Like, to me, that's what Christmas is all about.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's magic. That's the magic.

[Harlan Williams]

It's magic.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't get a white Christmas every year. Maybe in Canada you do, but not down here.

[Harlan Williams]

So she loved that. That white Christmas snow thing. And she was originally, you know, lived up and near the Buffalo region and Lackawanna. And I love the old gal, but she was getting on in years. She had, like, the crippling arthritis, you know, I mean, just curled up, her fingers curled. I was like, you ever seen that rheumatoid arthritis?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

It's almost like watching Helen Keller eat a bag of chips. It was just like. Yeah, like a velociraptor. And she had psoriasis. She had the patchy, like the, you know, the dry skin psoriasis all around. And she loved Christmas so much. But in Glendale, in Southern California, you don't get the snow. And so sort of a final thing this year, she invited all the kids on her street into the house for Christmas Eve. And. And because, you know, they don't ever get to see snow, these kids. And she invited them in, and we were all up there. It was Christmas Eve, and all the. All the kids, there's about. I guess there's about 22 kids on her street. And little Kimmy Long. Wow, the Vietnam.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who is it, Lilou?

[Harlan Williams]

Little Kimmy Long Wow, the Vietnamese. The Vietnamese boy has little freckles all over his face. They call him the Morgan Freeman of the Vietnamese boys.

[Ryan Sickler]

The Morgan Freeman of the Vietnamese boy, yes.

[Harlan Williams]

Little Kimi Long Wow. And we had some wonderful African American children.

[Ryan Sickler]

What were their names?

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, there was Dwayne, there was Pill. One guy's name was Pill. And what's the other kid? There was a whole bunch of them, and Marco was one of them. And we had some honkies. There were honkies in the house.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wonderful honkies, especially on a white Christmas.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, dude. Just wonderful honkies. And then, of course, little Nandunder, the Indian boy. Nandunder, the Indian child in the wheelchair.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why is he in a wheelchair?

[Harlan Williams]

Why, he lost his legs in a farming accident. But little Nun Dunder, so excited with his little nubs. His little. And for the holidays, his father had sprayed that fake snow on the end of his knobs. A little Nun Dunder, the Indian child for the holidays. And his. He was so excited, you just. His nubs were flapping back and forth like. Almost like cypress growing out of a swamp. Just slapping back and forth like a sea turtle laying eggs. Little. Little Nander, the Indian child. And just as meat wagons as Stubblings, his meat nublins slapping back and forth. And everyone's so excited. And so they'd never seen snowfall, these kids. And so Velma, what she did, she had a special chair she had at Christmas, and she kept it in the closet, and all the kids were sitting on the floor. And she bought a chair at Ikea. Have you ever been to ikea?

[Ryan Sickler]

I have. Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

She went to Ikea, she bought a Nerg de Glarden, and she brought it out and she. She put it in the middle of the floor. And Velma, God bless her, she got up on the chair and started singing in the middle of the room, singing Christmas carols to all these wonderful children. Oh, come all ye faithful. And they're. They're just sitting there Eve, dude, they'd never seen snowfall. And their eyes. They're so. Their eyes are glazing over like they've been huffing spray paint at the back of a Home Depot. Just all that. Your little Kimmy Long Wow, the Vietnamese boy. And they have. What's his name?

[Ryan Sickler]

Nindawar's Frosty.

[Harlan Williams]

They're all there. Little Nun Dunder, his meat goblin slapping back and forth like deli meat swinging in a window at a Parkinson's festival. I mean, just. Just as little meat goblins as pink and brown like elephant ears whacking in the jungle. Just unbelievable. Little Nandunder, the Indian child and the. The jive honkies were there. Everyone was there.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got to ask you who the honkies names were.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, just Carl, Jim, Paul. Yeah, just regular honky, jive honky names. And. And so here they are. And, you know, she's Silent Night, and these kids have never seen snow. And she's up on the chair.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you there for this?

[Harlan Williams]

I'm there.

[Ryan Sickler]

You are?

[Harlan Williams]

I'm there. I saw it all. And the kids, their eyes just glazed over like sugar plum hams. And she's up on the chair singing, and they're just like, transfixed. Little Kimmy Long. Wow. As you can almost see his freckles trembling. And. And she starts disrobing. She gets nude. You know, Thelma. Thelma starts taking off her clothes for the children. She's singing Christmas for the children.

[Ryan Sickler]

She's.

[Harlan Williams]

They've never seen snowfall on Christmas Eve. She gets her crab claws. She gets these. These crazy, you know, arthritic crab pickers. And she starts scraping her psoriasis scabs. And the snow just starts. Drip. The snow starts drifting, and the children are. They're like. Like they were catching it on their tongue. Dude, it's just a magical, magical Christmas. Yeah, like, just.

[Ryan Sickler]

What a gift.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, what a gift. Oh, dude, I wasn't there, and I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Promise you, I'm gonna remember that Christmas.

[Harlan Williams]

Dude. Little Nun Dunder was so excited, he almost went backwards through the drywall. Unbelievable. Just his. His cypress stump meat goblins whacking back and forth like giant pink clips.

[Ryan Sickler]

What a girl. What a great gift from mama. How did she pass?

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, God, she just died of old. She just expired. She just one of those sad things where they just kind of dwindle away. And then she went in her sleep, God bless her.

[Ryan Sickler]

She did?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How old was she?

[Harlan Williams]

I think I said at the beginning. Was it 80, 86, 87? Yeah, but it's weird when you have. It's odd when you die with extreme arthritis. You draw, you die with your hands curled like this. When you.

[Ryan Sickler]

When your body dies, they don't relax.

[Harlan Williams]

They don't relax. In fact, they tighten.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, is that right?

[Harlan Williams]

And so here you are trying to. It's almost like trying to wrestle a velociraptor out of the. Out of the sheets and you know these things are flying around and my sister got clawed right across the forehead. Wow. Wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

How mail.

[Harlan Williams]

18 stitches. Good. That's like a goddamn bear swipe. I mean these things and the yellow fingernails and dude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I forgot about the long. Yeah. Nails.

[Harlan Williams]

But those children, I mean those Christmas, they'll never forget, ever. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How they get a first white Christmas.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, and the snow. To see snow in Southern California.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Harlan Williams]

So, as I said, yeah, it's sad when they die, but if there's sort of a happy ending where something happens right at the end where, you know it's giving back or it changes a kid's trajectory. Like, you know, little Timmins with his butterfly or Kimmy Long. Wow. And Nandunder and all the kids just getting their first taste of, you know, snow on Christmas.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, literally their first taste.

[Harlan Williams]

So anyways, those are my grandmother's stories.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are there any conversations you can remember having with Van Gunder? Grandma Van Gunder Splat.

[Harlan Williams]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Obviously, she's not able to take you anywhere to make memories. She's bedridden. So do you go sit ever with her and just ever have a conversation about life with her?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, we talked a lot about life because her life was such a dichotomy. You know, it went from being young and athletic and spry and being in the limelight to literally shuttered. Shuttered in a room where she was isolated from the rest of the world. And the only. The only interaction she had was through TV and through the. The loved ones that came to visit her. And, you know, that in itself was sort of told you a lot about life, you know, told you a lot about how life can go off the rails and life can change in an instant. To go from sort of being in the limelight to being this kind of tucked away pariah that nobody even knew about anymore. And I think that was, in a way, a good life lesson for me because it taught me to understand that anything can change quickly. The dynamic can change. And it was a tough lesson to learn to watch her sort of dwindle away, but. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you there when they lifted her out of the.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you there when they lifted her out?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You were?

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Something to see, dude.

[Harlan Williams]

It was like just. It was just like.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are they putting her in to get her out?

[Harlan Williams]

Well, they have to. What they put are the. Like kind of the gurney straps underneath. So they had to kind of lift her, slide it under, then lift the other slide liner, and then like hook.

[Ryan Sickler]

Her up three or four.

[Harlan Williams]

And then it's sort of like. It's. It's like. If you've ever seen on a construction site when they lower like a big load of. Of cinder blocks or lumber, it's all strapped in and they just lift it. It's amazing the weight those things can lift. And we were sort of like the celebrities of the street for a day, you know, like, you know, it's like all the neighbors right on the sidewalk. What's that? It was almost like an eclipse. Sort of like a mini eclipse. Like when she passed in front of the sun, the street actually went a little dark, but. Well, all right.

[Ryan Sickler]

What about with Velma? Any deep conversations with Velma?

[Harlan Williams]

Velma, God. I guess one of the deep conversations with her. I stole from her once.

[Ryan Sickler]

Would you steal?

[Harlan Williams]

Like, she wasn't. She was taking care of us when my mom was having our little sister. So Velma came and to your house? She stayed at her house. She stayed there for, like, I don't know. I think it was two weeks or something while my mom was at the hospital and dealing. And I remember I stole money out of her purse. And I thought it was done for. I thought she'd tell my dad. I thought she'd tell my mom. Like, she caught me. She literally goes, there was $10 in my purse. Where is it? I'm like, oh, God. And I thought right away she'd go right to my parents. And she didn't. I was just waiting for my parents to say, give me a spanking or, you know, ground me. And I was like, well, they didn't say anything yet. Well, maybe it'll be after dinner and still nothing. And. Okay. They're probably planning what to say, so it'll be tomorrow. Then all these dance. She never told them. And so I sort of learned from her about compassion. I learned from her that I think sometimes people create their own punishment. Like, she. I think she knew that I was feeling guilt and remorse for stealing from her. And the lesson that she taught me is she didn't have to share was between me and her. And she sort of knew how I felt. And so I carry that in life where you don't have to broadcast every. Everything about everyone if somebody does you wrong. Like, sometimes humans are very intuitive and sensitive. And I think sometimes lessons can be learned without everyone having to know. So that was. That was a big life lesson I learned from Velma.

[Ryan Sickler]

That is actually really good life lesson.

[Harlan Williams]

That good?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, it's a great life lesson.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, it is. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't need to always drag everybody publicly or whatever.

[Harlan Williams]

It's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

An inner interaction between two people. Lesson learned. We move on. Hopefully both better.

[Harlan Williams]

And I think sometimes with us humans, I think part of that all stems from we love gossip. We love to go, oh, that guy did that, or that girl did that, and gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But in her wisdom, she knew to. I think she. She either sensed it or she saw it in my face, or she could feel it. And she knew how sort of grief stricken I was that, A, I disappointed her, B, that I was a thief, see that I had done it to her, my beloved grandmother. And I think. I think, you know, grandmothers and mothers are very intuitive that way. And I think she. She could see it and sense it because I was devastated. A, that I did it and that I did it to her, and that I got caught. And I think she just went, you know what? This boy, I can tell he's. He's absorbing. I can tell he's he's learned a lesson here. I don't need to go running to mom and dad and make it worse for him. So. I always appreciated that she did that, but I still feel guilty that I, you know, this is a grandmother that every birthday gave me a card with money in it and. But it was just like an opportunity. She was in our house, there was a purse, and I was a guy. I wanted to, you know, go get a whopper. Where'd I learn that from?

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, come on, who'd you learn that from?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was about to ask you if they were friends, your grandmoms. Did they know each other?

[Harlan Williams]

No, because Chubby Gunder Splat. Yeah. Flo. Flo could never get out of the house, so my name flow can't move. I know. Isn't that ironic? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Harlan.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you dealt with any other significant death in your life? I mean, those. That's pretty big.

[Harlan Williams]

Those are pretty big. Yeah, those are. Those. I mean, it's. I mean, yes, other people have died in my. In my life. I think. I think my first experience that's what I was gonna death was my grandfather. My grandfather. Neil.

[Ryan Sickler]

Neil Van Gundersplatt.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. Well, Van Gunder Splat was her family name. O'Donnell. O'Donnell was. That was her maiden name. O'Donnell was the family name. Irish. And when my grandfather died, he was a hard worker. He owned his own advertising company.

[Ryan Sickler]

But this is Flo's husband.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Harlan Williams]

And. And he. He died at his desk. This is a guy who died at his desk. And he just passed out, had a heart attack. Right. But a hard worker, owned his own company. And I was a kid. I think I was 14 when he passed. And it was my first time going to a funeral. I'd never had to be at a funeral, so I. My parents didn't prep is for the funeral. You know, you think, oh, you're going to say a few prayers. You know, they'll be a priest, you're going to talk about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's a body laying up there and all that.

[Harlan Williams]

Nobody says, listen, there's a stiffy. And I'm like, wait, isn't that Granddad? And like, yeah, I'm like, what the. Like, I'm a kid and they prep the body better than Madame Tussaud could have done it herself. I mean, that was my granddad laying there. So my parents are. Go say your final goodbyes to your grandfather. I'm like, wait, what? And I look over and there isn't an open Casket. And it was my first day exposure to a dead body, which blew my mind. It freaked me out. And then b. You know, he's so immaculately preserved. As a kid, you think dead body, think skeletons and zombies. And here's this guy. Looks like my granddad was laying there sleeping. And so my mind was just, like, so confused. I'm like, talk to me. Get up. And. And I literally. I didn't know any better. I started, like, patting his forehead. Like, I was touching him. Like, I was literally running my hand off the front of his hair. And, like, I couldn't stop touching his face because I wanted him to talk to me so bad. And it was so freaking bizarre that my parents, they didn't even tell me there was going to be a corpse there, or a cadaver or whatever you want to call it a stiffy. But so that was. That was pretty jarring. And it sort of. It sort of really whacked me in the face about mortality at an early age, like, 14, I just went, okay, so this ride doesn't go forever. And the. The idea of that stillness, to see that body laying there from this man I'd only known. Hey, come on. Sit on granddad's lap. Let's go for a walk. Like, all I ever knew was movement and life and blinking eyes and to see the same thing just so morbidly still. It was a real mind bender, you know? And there was a. There was a beauty to the stillness, like the silence and the. But it was also very haunting and morbid. And if I ever have kids, I would definitely prep my kids for, you know, saying, hey, kids are going to see a dead body.

[Ryan Sickler]

I had an incident where I didn't see it coming. And I could have prepped my daughter better, but I didn't see it coming because the timing was a little shitty. So her mom's mom, her grandma on her mom's side, passed away just right before Christmas. I want to say, oh, boy. And a friend of ours sent a card, and I thought, it's a Christmas card. It's like, a few days before Christ, a week before Christmas. It's got my daughter's name on it. And I don't open her mail. I'm like, hey, it's. Someone sent you a Christmas card. This is for you.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, no.

[Ryan Sickler]

And she opens it up, and she's just silent. I go, what's it say? And she's like, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't say, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, sending prayers to you and your family. And I was like. And then I think to myself, like, that's a weird sign off for a Christmas card, you know? And then I don't think anything of it. And she goes to a room later or whatever, and I just walk by and I grab the card and I start reading. I'm like, oh, fuck, this is a sympathy card. And the blah, blah, blah is her being uncomfortable, not reading out loud. Sorry about the loss of your grandma and all that. And I was like. And she was mad. She was mad that someone had sent one. So I had to explain to her that this was a sort of a tradition some people have where they'll send you a card because they mean well, and they're just, you know, letting you know that they're thinking of you and sending off. It's. It's a kind gesture. And then a few days later, my mom sends a card. It's in a red goddamn envelope. It's a few days before Christmas. It's got her name on it. I say, hey, Stella, your grandma. Your other grandma set you a car.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, here we go.

[Ryan Sickler]

She opens the card, Arla. She goes, it's another sympathy card. I go, God damn it. Like, I didn't see that coming. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm sorry. I was like, yeah, this is a thing. They're called sympathy cards, people. She's like, I don't want another one. She was mad about it. That reminds.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah, it's. I wonder if the anger, too, is that, you know, sometimes when people die, you get a little bit mad at the world, especially when it's people you love and have a great connection to. Like, I'm sure as a little boy, I. I remember being angry, too, that this beautiful man, this. My beautiful, gentle, wonderful grand, was now exterminated. Basically, he's gone, and you're kind of like, you have no right to take him. What did he ever do? He's just a loving, wonderful guy. Like, there. There's anger at the finality. Right. Do you remember the first time you saw dead body?

[Ryan Sickler]

I do, unfortunately. My first three were great grandmom. Dad, grandmom, in that order.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm in. At the time, I'm in elementary school, and our great grandmom lived in Tyrone, Pennsylvania. That's where they took all their. Like, they moved from Italy, they come here, they end up staying there. Everybody's from there. And my dad tells us, and my two brothers, hey, we're going up to see. It's his grandma. We're going up to my grandmother's viewing and funeral in Tyrone, Pennsylvania.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And we all roll up, and it's my dad, my Aunt Marguerite, which is my great aunt, my grandmom's sister, it's their mom and my brothers and everybody. So we had a great grandmom for a handful of years, but we didn't know her. She didn't speak English. She was only Italian.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And when we get there, Harlem Williams. This is what tripped me out. Like, they had an old school house with a parlor. Remember when houses had a parlor?

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And she's laid out.

[Harlan Williams]

Just. Just not to interject, but my grandmother, Flo Van Gundersplat, she actually had an ice cream parlor.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did she ever get to it?

[Harlan Williams]

Well, she ate her way through it.

[Ryan Sickler]

People would bring it over for it.

[Harlan Williams]

No, she. Her parlor was an ice cream. I see. I see.

[Ryan Sickler]

In the house. Not separate. One outside.

[Harlan Williams]

So go on.

[Ryan Sickler]

But in the parlor. Yeah, she's laid out in the house. This is in the. This isn't. Oh, it's got to be 79. I wish I. You know what? I probably do have a relative I could ask. It's got to be late 70s.

[Harlan Williams]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Early 88.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah. We're little.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'm like, what the. And it's in a house.

[Harlan Williams]

Well, you found her body.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, they were doing a whole viewing at the home.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, this was the viewing in the home. Right. Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

In the parlor, like in the old school. Like, this is. I'm like, what?

[Harlan Williams]

What?

[Ryan Sickler]

They're all Italian immigrants.

[Harlan Williams]

It's like how the Irish used to. Or probably in Ireland, have the wakes. They keep the body propped up in the living room and have a party.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is. She's laid out like you would be anywhere else but in the parlor of the house. And people are eating and talking. Over here.

[Harlan Williams]

The Japanese actually eat sushi off the body. It's unbelievable.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, it's that. Good luck.

[Harlan Williams]

Good luck. If you don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

I remember being. I remember being little and. And touching her skin. I went up to.

[Harlan Williams]

Right. Same thing. I did. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because I didn't. This person. How'd you do it like that?

[Harlan Williams]

How'd you do it?

[Ryan Sickler]

How'd you do it?

[Harlan Williams]

I told you. I patted his head.

[Ryan Sickler]

He rubbed his head.

[Harlan Williams]

I patted his forehead.

[Ryan Sickler]

But see, you knew him. I didn't really know her. I had no connection. So to me, this could be you.

[Harlan Williams]

Were just trying to cop a field.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. A sample. Dead body, bro.

[Harlan Williams]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I touched it and it was cold, right?

[Harlan Williams]

It's cold. It was a little Weird, but they look the wish. Like they do full makeup.

[Ryan Sickler]

She looks sleep. Like you said. She looked like she was sleeping peacefully.

[Harlan Williams]

And then you touch them and it doesn't match.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I remember, too. I just remember being weirded out by it. And somebody gave me a Cookie Monster stuffed animal, and I went to bed with that. It's the only things I remember about that.

[Harlan Williams]

Wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then the next time I saw a dead body was my dad. He. We found him in his bed in the house. And a few years later, my grandmom dropped dead in front of me. And I had to give her.

[Harlan Williams]

In front of you?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, cpr, mouth to mouth. And then saw that dead body. So my first three were doozies.

[Harlan Williams]

Why did she drop dead in front of you? We were gorgeous.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, she was gorgeous.

[Harlan Williams]

Drop dead gorgeous is out there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Peter fans today, dude. She had. She either. She had a blood disease as well, so she either clotted or had a heart attack, but she came out of her room and just boom. On her face and it was. How old were you at that time?

[Harlan Williams]

I'm 20, so probably a strapping. Bit of a strapping young boy able to catch someone.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was downstairs. I was downstairs.

[Harlan Williams]

People rolled downstairs.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, they did. But she. She wasn't rolling anywhere, bro.

[Harlan Williams]

So she.

[Ryan Sickler]

You.

[Harlan Williams]

You were downstairs and you hear a thump.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm downstairs in her.

[Harlan Williams]

So what are you doing downstairs?

[Ryan Sickler]

Long story. After all the shit goes down, we have no parents. My mom kicks us out. We go to my grandmom, takes my brother and I, my twin brother and I.

[Harlan Williams]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

So we're going to community college, living at her place. She lives a mile from the community college, Right. And our dad's gone, which is her son, so she loves having us in the house with her. We're also, like you say, We're 20 years old. We're gonna handle business around the house, around. We're making sure doors are locked. Like we're taking care of grandma, getting her groceries.

[Harlan Williams]

Except for when she falls.

[Ryan Sickler]

Being good grandson.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then one day she was laying down on her bed, and she got up and we're downstairs in the living room.

[Harlan Williams]

What were you doing?

[Ryan Sickler]

Watching tv.

[Harlan Williams]

What were you watching?

[Ryan Sickler]

Maybe Saved by the bell. Maybe didn't save anybody up there by that bell, bro. And. But I really don't remember. Or Sports Center. But anyway, it's middle of the day and we have, you know, I don't know if you've been to community college, but, you know, we had a break, we'd have a break. Like, I don't need to go back for two hours. We lived a mile away. So we're just going home to grandma's, Grab a sandwich. Grab a sandwich, whatever, and then go back. And in between that, she walks out of her room, and she. Her last words were, somebody help me. And then, boom, face down. So my brother, I said, I grabbed the phone already and was dialing 911. I told him, go up there. Go get her now, and just make sure she's okay. And she wasn't. So I'm on the phone with 911, and I had just finished, literally just finished, like, two weeks of life's lifeguard training. I'm an official lifeguard.

[Harlan Williams]

Wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I tell the lady on the phone, she's like, you have to stay on till the paramedics get there. And I said, well, I know I'm certified in cpr. Mouth to mouth.

[Harlan Williams]

Nice.

[Ryan Sickler]

So my brother and I switch. I go up and I start doing the chest compressions, the mouth to mouth.

[Harlan Williams]

What kind of sandwich did you eat.

[Ryan Sickler]

When I went home that day before she dropped. Ham and cheese, bro.

[Harlan Williams]

Onions.

[Ryan Sickler]

No. You know what's funny about me? We grew up with not a lot of money. I'll have no problem with a dry sandwich.

[Harlan Williams]

No, just saying onions have a bit of a kick. Had you had onions, it might have brought her back around.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you mean with my mouth, my breath kicking it in?

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I'm seeing where you're going with that. Yeah.

[Harlan Williams]

Just saying, a little inconsiderate.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know if that would have worked.

[Harlan Williams]

Consider good Spanish onion can do wonders if you make you cry and make you live. Wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you ever had to give CPR to anybody?

[Harlan Williams]

I did. I was on a Tinder date. You know, starts with a Tinder date. I mean, she wasn't. She didn't pass out, but I was just trying to show her my method.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you were just showing off. What happened?

[Harlan Williams]

I said, you're probably going to be choking later. So, no, but, no, I haven't had to do. But I did do the Heimlich maneuver once.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you saved someone's life?

[Harlan Williams]

Well, it was a mix. It was. It was saving a life but also dying. Someone died. I was at a restaurant, and it was one of these beautiful, like, kind of on the coast up in Big Sur. So it's right towering. You've been right towering over. People don't realize Northern California. It's like these block. These blocks, these two cliffsides 200ft down.

[Ryan Sickler]

Big surge, crashing waves, ocean here, and beautiful mountains right here. Right, so stayed at the fancy. Whatever that spa is up there.

[Harlan Williams]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Really nice.

[Harlan Williams]

So we're on one of. One of these ones where it's the outdoor beautiful dining room looking out over the ocean, like 200 foot drop. And we're sitting there having a nice steak tartare and some scallops. And over at the other, it's a bit of a chubby woman and, you know, people all around. And she starts choking and she does the classic. And like, nobody's doing. I took an emergency. Like, I have my St. John ambulance and Red Cross, like, like emergency training. So I run over, I do the. I'm like, boom, boom. I'm like. And everyone's up out of their chairs, watching. You know, people are on the railing, like looking down, and I'm like, this, this girl's face is like puffing up like a gopher that just swallowed a, you know, a pastrami sandwich. And I'm just like, boom. And. And I save her life. That's the shrimp. But when you do that, the shrimp fly out like a bullet. And there was this woman standing by the railing and it. It hit her right in the forehead and right over the railing and. Yeah, right. And 200 foot drop. And she died. So I saved one, but I lost the other.

[Ryan Sickler]

And how we start this podcast, just the Balance.

[Harlan Williams]

The Balance.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's how we're gonna end it.

[Harlan Williams]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What a balance. Williams, thank you for doing this podcast, brother.

[Harlan Williams]

Thank you, thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Please promote everything you'd like one more time and rip to all our.

[Harlan Williams]

Rip to my grandmothers, folks. Check my podcast out the Harland Highway Podcast on YouTube, my tour schedules at Harlan Williams.com and my Instagram Harlan Williams. And keep your eyes peeled for my new movie Wingman, coming this year at some point. So live life, enjoy while we're here. Every day is a gift, right, buddy?

[Ryan Sickler]

It sure is, buddy.

[Harlan Williams]

Good to see you.

[Ryan Sickler]

You as well, brother. And as always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week.