340: Steph Tolev Pleads the Filth

Summary

Podcast Title: The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler
Episode: 340: Steph Tolev Pleads the Filth
Release Date: June 30, 2025

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Introduction and Promotion

Ryan Sickler welcomes back his guest, Steph Tolev, highlighting her return to the podcast and expressing excitement about her latest projects.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Steph to. Welcome back to the Honeydew."
00:27

Steph Tolev takes the opportunity to promote her new Netflix special, "Filth Queen", produced by All Things Comedy, featuring a cameo by Bill Burr.

"I have a special called Filth Queen out on Netflix right now. Please watch it. Please tell your friends."
01:38

Personal Physical Changes and Response

Steph candidly discusses her concerns about her physical changes, specifically her labia appearing longer, which has led her to consider a labiaplasty procedure.

"I feel like it's getting so much longer. It's actually really upsetting me."
03:04

She shares a humorous yet honest account of showing her sister her condition, receiving an unflattering reaction, and subsequently researching surgical options.

"I showed my sister it because she's peeking out of what?"
03:25

Online Bullying and Its Impact

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the relentless online bullying Steph faces, particularly targeting her nose and overall appearance. She articulates the emotional toll it takes, despite her confidence and the support from her boyfriend.

"The Internet is so mad about my nose. Every morning I wake up and there's a comment about how big my nose is."
08:12

Steph expresses frustration with the negative comments overshadowing the positive feedback she receives from fans.

"I'm trying to figure out a way to just people just don't read them. Ignore the comments."
43:18

Confrontation with High School Bully

One of the most impactful stories Steph shares is her experience confronting a high school bully during a live comedy show. She recounts how she invited her former bully, Joe, to redeem her past trauma by seeking an apology live on stage.

"I picked up the phone and I'm holding it to the mic. I go, hello? And he goes, if this isn't..."
26:19

Despite her fears, Joe apologizes, giving Steph the closure she sought after 20 years. However, the aftermath was complicated by Joe's brother threatening legal action, forcing Steph to navigate the situation with her lawyer.

"He was telling all his friends. They were all sharing it around."
27:17

Experiences with Online Dating

Steph shares cautionary tales about the dangers of online dating, including catfishing and meeting individuals with malicious intentions. She narrates instances where dates led to unsettling encounters, emphasizing the importance of thorough vetting before meeting someone in person.

"She's like, you're safe here. We think you're insane to come over."
47:20

Her stories highlight the potential risks involved in online dating and the necessity of taking precautions to ensure personal safety.

Current Relationship and Happiness

Amidst the challenges, Steph opens up about her relationship with Jefferson, a fellow comedian. She describes it as the first time she's felt truly happy and deeply connected with someone, contrasting it with her past relationships fraught with distrust and betrayal.

"This is the first time I've ever felt I've been so impressed with his talent. He's so funny."
58:57

Steph expresses both joy and a sense of vulnerability as she navigates this fulfilling relationship, which stands in stark contrast to her previous experiences.

Final Thoughts and Promotion

As the episode wraps up, Steph reiterates her promotion for "Filth Queen", encouraging listeners to watch and support her work. She also discusses her social media presence and the ongoing battle with online harassment, reinforcing her resilience and commitment to her craft.

"Watch my special Filth Queen, produced by All Things Comedy. Please watch it."
59:56

Ryan Sickler concludes the episode by thanking Steph for her openness and sharing her experiences, highlighting the importance of addressing personal struggles through storytelling and comedy.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Steph Tolev on Online Bullying:
  "Every morning I wake up and there's a comment how I'm so ugly every single day."
  10:34

• Steph Tolev on Confronting Her Bully:
  "This is the one time that whole situation doesn't feel good about it."
  34:11

• Steph Tolev on Online Dating Cautions:
  "You need to meet somebody in person, in a very public area."
  49:18

• Steph Tolev on Finding Happiness:
  "I feel so good about someone for the first time."
  59:08

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Conclusion

Episode 340 of "The HoneyDew with Ryan Sickler" features an emotionally charged and candid conversation with Steph Tolev, who bravely shares her battles with online bullying, personal insecurities, and the complexities of online dating. Amidst these challenges, Steph celebrates her newfound happiness in a meaningful relationship, offering listeners both laughter and heartfelt insights into overcoming life's lowlights.

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Timestamps Reference

<a name="timestamps"></a>

• 00:27: Ryan Sickler introduces Steph Tolev.
• 01:38: Steph promotes her Netflix special.
• 03:04: Steph discusses her labia concerns.
• 08:12: Steph talks about online bullying focused on her nose.
• 26:19: Steph begins recounting her confrontation with Joe.
• 27:17: Aftermath of the confrontation and legal threats.
• 43:18: Steph discusses strategies to ignore hateful comments.
• 47:20: Steph narrates a dangerous online dating experience.
• 58:57: Steph describes her relationship with Jefferson.
• 59:56: Final promotion of her Netflix special.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Steph Tolev]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law.

[Ryan Sickler]

21/ Terms and Conditions apply. The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler. Welcome back to the Honeydew, y' all. We're over here doing it in the Night Pants Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler. Guys, you know what we do here? We're getting right into it now. All right. We highlight the low lights. I always say these are the stories behind the storytellers. I'm very excited to have this guest back on the Honeydew. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Steph to. Welcome back to the Honeydew.

[Steph Tolev]

Do you know how many people still tell me that they come to see me because of this podcast?

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that real?

[Steph Tolev]

Yes. I swear to God. There's like, three podcasts that have happened from. And this is like, a main one.

[Ryan Sickler]

What did they love from your first episode? Go watch her first episode.

[Steph Tolev]

I mean, I probably should have listened to my first episode, so I don't repeat anything. Oopsies. No, no, no. I think it's because I was so open about, like, my bullying and st.

[Ryan Sickler]

You were quite open.

[Steph Tolev]

I was maybe a little too open.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, you're. That's your. Before we get into how of an open book, you are, promote your new special on Netflix. Congratulations.

[Steph Tolev]

Thank you so much. I have a special called Filth Queen out on Netflix right now. Please watch it. Please tell your friends. Produced by All Things Comedy, Bill Burr has a cameo in it because you better believe I put old Billy Red Beard right in the beginning.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love that he loves you.

[Steph Tolev]

I know. I just got. Actually, I just got a quote from him today for my press release, and it's. I. I literally cried a little bit. I'm like, this is so.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's nice.

[Steph Tolev]

So whenever. This is so sick. But whenever I get bullied online or made fun of or someone says I'm not funny, I just. I literally back my head, go. Bill Burr finds me funny. I'm like, so.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't give a. So do a lot of people.

[Steph Tolev]

So.

[Ryan Sickler]

So go watch Filth Queen.

[Steph Tolev]

Watch it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I filmed it in Boston Okay.

[Steph Tolev]

At the Paradise Rock Club. I don't think any of their specials have been filmed there. It's a very iconic rock venue with, like, you know, Blondie, Guns N Roses, Aerosmith, everyone. You think of Alice Chains played there. My dad was, like, jizzing out because he's like, oh, my God, I love all these Stonehill Pilots. Like, all his favorites played there. So I felt really cool.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what. That's when they get proud of you, you know, when it's personal for them.

[Steph Tolev]

Nothing with me. Yeah. He was like, the thing I gave life to. Finally. I can relate to something you say. It's great. Very happy.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, Good for you. Congrats. I love seeing you keep growing, girl.

[Steph Tolev]

I'm. I'm growing. I'm doing something.

[Ryan Sickler]

So let's talk about. Wait.

[Steph Tolev]

So.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, wait, hold on. Is that. That growing is not.

[Steph Tolev]

No. I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're not dropping a pregnancy bomb right now.

[Steph Tolev]

I don't know why I said that. I said that. I was like. I actually don't know. I was gonna say my labia. I was like. Because I honestly feel like it's. It's getting so much longer. It's actually really upsetting me. I swear to God. No, I. I'm like, it's getting so long. It's, like, peeking out. And I, like, I showed my sister it because she's peeking out of what? Like, like. So say my vagina is like this.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Steph Tolev]

My laby is, like, peeking in between.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why is that a problem?

[Steph Tolev]

Well, it's getting so long. I. I like, it's like you're saying.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is a change in life.

[Steph Tolev]

It feels like it's longer. Oh, I don't think it's always been this long or something. Yes. My labia is growing. And I showed my sister it very recently, the day for my 40th birthday, and I showed it to her. Never showed her my vagina. That's very bizarre thing to do. And she.

[Ryan Sickler]

How do you ask?

[Steph Tolev]

I was explaining that it's long and peaking. She goes, I don't get peaking. I go, do you want to see it? She goes, okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

In person or. Okay. All right, we're not all FaceTime.

[Steph Tolev]

This is in Toronto, day before my fucking 40th birthday. 39 years old in Toronto. This just happened back in March. I pulled out my pants quickly. I didn't. It wasn't a long stare. It's bizarre. Layers just to look at your pussy in general. So I gave a little quick peek. My sister, who's my best Friend in the fucking world looks at my vagina and goes, ew, what the heck?

[Ryan Sickler]

What the heck?

[Steph Tolev]

And I'm like, excuse me. She goes, sorry, it was alarming. What do you mean alarming? What did you think I said? Peeking. There wasn't two googly eyes on it. What do you mean alarming? It was so. I was so pissed and then I got so self conscious. So I started looking at like labiaplasty. Like really looking at it. Like, I found this website. I contacted a doctor because my friend had it done. My friend, I won't say her name, but she's a porn star and she got stabbed in the vagina years ago in Vancouver.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was an actual night. Oh, she was.

[Steph Tolev]

She was attacked by this like club owner. This like ghetto club. Oh yeah, fully from the podcast. Fully stabbed her actually. She'd be great. Fully stabbed her. I'll go get her. See you later. Fully stabbed her up. So she did a full reconstructive. So she sent me her guy. So they emailed me. They're like, we'll do a free. Yeah, have to do a free.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you seen it since?

[Steph Tolev]

I have seen it.

[Ryan Sickler]

And it's.

[Steph Tolev]

It's like, yeah, it's totally different now. She had like an Audi. Now she got an Innie.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow. I mean, can I. Like.

[Steph Tolev]

I don't think men care.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't want to get into your personal business. Even though you're totally putting it out there and it's not what I'm going to ask. Don't you just care?

[Steph Tolev]

Clown scarf, like a Batman cape. The next shot is me behind. It's my eyes peeking over it. Just.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hi, I'm a. Yeah.

[Steph Tolev]

I mean I would have like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Don't you only care if you and your man care? Is all I was. Was. I was going to say here. That's. I mean.

[Steph Tolev]

And I also think he.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean?

[Steph Tolev]

I don't think men really care.

[Ryan Sickler]

We don't give a.

[Steph Tolev]

But I'm like, also, I think it would feel weird. And I looked into the surgery. It's very intensive. They snip and toss. I guess I'm not worried.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. Back in the day when I wrote on jobs, production jobs and stuff, I worked on Dr. 90210. You ever hear that show on E? It was all this tie in surgeries and stuff. Oh, I saw it. They burned too. Oh, they would. Yeah, they burn and cut and everything down there to take a. And they. They even can do it for. They did one episode with a guy who felt his scrotum was too large. And they, they took excess scro off and they laid it.

[Steph Tolev]

Was it long, though?

[Ryan Sickler]

Huh?

[Steph Tolev]

Was it long?

[Ryan Sickler]

It. It didn't look long. It just looked like big balls. You know what I mean? And the guy's like, well, we could take the excess, but here's the thing about the skin. Like, when we're cold, our balls go up inside our body.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then when we're hot, they. They chilling down there in the hammock. You know what I mean? You need the skin to.

[Steph Tolev]

You need the skin.

[Ryan Sickler]

I understand why you wouldn't.

[Steph Tolev]

Because it's like, what do I need that for? But I don't need extra there. It's not, it's not like when I'm cold or hot.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's still the exact same episodes getting monetized.

[Steph Tolev]

Oh, sorry.

[Ryan Sickler]

They'll at least see the beginning of.

[Steph Tolev]

Your pr, I don't think. Yeah, if you want to get monetized, don't put me on your podcast. I'll tell you what, my body ain't getting monetized. There's no monetization when I'm on anything.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Steph Tolev]

Anyways, however. However. I looked at. I looked at a lot of before and after photos. Felt much better about my vagina. And then I realized I'm like, it's like a three and a half month. You can't move, you can't fucking fly. You can't exercise. And I'm like, well, I'm now going to be fat with a tight. What the hell? I. I think I'd rather be in shape market. There's. I can't win. I'm either fat or there's no market for that. You know what? I. My boyfriend doesn't say anything. If he did. If he. But if he did, I think I'd be like you. I'd be more annoying.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you.

[Steph Tolev]

I've never had a guy complain. Who knows? Maybe that's why I was one night stand. They're like, that laby was long. No, I don't know. I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who cares? The fact that a woman is letting us enter their body. Well, if you're gonna be super picky about. I'm not talking about hygiene or any of that. I'm talking about anatomy.

[Steph Tolev]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

If you're gonna be a dick about that. Yeah.

[Steph Tolev]

Off. Well, speaking of being a dick about anatomy, this thing right here. The Internet is so mad about my nose.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why?

[Steph Tolev]

I don't know. Men. Ask.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ask the men when you started it. When do you. When did it like, can you think back to a post or anything? We're like, what the. Going on? All of a sudden, yes.

[Steph Tolev]

Literally any the. The. When I did Bill Burr's Friends who Kill that. That so many people commenting on my nose, like, why is it so big, Batman? I look like the Penguin from Batman. Which, if you are following Netflix, that's the first joke I made about myself. So you're hack if you say it again. It's like, at this point, I have to address. Has gotten to a point. I. There is a video that went crazy viral on. I think it's like 3 million views on Facebook. I can send you guys a link. And I was like, what the hell? This is a video of me saying I have a boyfriend. And I'm like, he's a classically trained pianist. I can prove it. And Jefferson was in the room. So I called him up on stage at the improv, and he says, playing the piano. And I'm like, why is this going viral? All the comments are about how big my nose is, how gross my nose is, how it's prosthetic. This huge argument about being a prosthetic. I'm like, you think I have a box of noses that I'm lugging? You think I'm lugging merch and a suitcase of prosthetic schnozes to fucking Elbu Key? What are you talking about? Like, it's so crazy, but every fucking. So every morning. Every morning I wake up and there's a con about my nose. Like, every. About my appearance. I. Men are just so angry at me and how I look. It's so strange.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I think you could have stopped it at. At me and how I look. Dudes are Internet dudes.

[Steph Tolev]

Internet dudes. But it's. It's. I see other female. I know it's everybody, but, like, that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Triggers them about you.

[Steph Tolev]

I think it's because I'm so outspoken and I'm so confident, and I. A lot of times I make fun of men, so they're, like, getting pissed off at me. It's their way of getting back at me. But there's one comment where I just did Jordan Jensen's podcast, and I love Jordan. It was so fun. So me and her talking and one of the comments just said, jordan's hot. And I liked it. I think Jordan's hot. Great. And then a comment underneath this guy, he wrote, anyone besides Steph Tola is hot? And I just started bawling like I was reading it. I was like. I'm like. And I Come on. Jefferson's like, what's wrong with you? I'm like. And I'm like, I don't know why, but I'm like, it for some reason. That's the one that set me. And I look at this guy's photo. Probably 200, 300 pounds. Like, so ugly. Hideous. You're disgusting. If you're listening, he probably hate watching me. Also, he was following me, so he's probably gonna watch this.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a weird thing to hate porn stuff off, man.

[Steph Tolev]

So I like, I like. I remember I commented something back. Being like, this is so hateful for no reason. Like, congrats, man, you won. You made me feel like I don't know what you want from me. And then I eat ra Stu. I was embarrassed. And then I like, I'm like, every sing this morning I woke up, there's a comment how I'm so ugly every single day. And it's like, I'm not for them. You know when you open your Instagram, they're just like alerts. It's like, I don't know. Obviously women get this more than men, whatever. But I'm like, I don't know why. It's just every minute of every day, it gets to the point. That's why I was like, looking at no jobs. Because I'm like, dude, is it that bad? I'm like. And then someone's like, it's growing. Russell Peters told me, keeps growing. And I'm like, all in my head now that my nose is going to be out to here like five years. But I'm like, I'm not going to get a no job. I'm not going to do the Jennifer Gray thing from. No one even knows that she is anymore. She. Nothing happened after that. And her nose wasn't that big anyways. It's just very frustrating that every. It's like I'm trying to just. Yeah, just because I put myself out there doesn't mean you can comment on my appearance. Like, it's. It's bizarre also. Then don't fucking watch my shit if I'm so ugly to you. Don't look at me. I don't know. It's such a bizarre thing to be, like, obsessed with, like, staring at me.

[Ryan Sickler]

No one's forcing that on your phone.

[Steph Tolev]

Also, my boyfriend's so fucking hot. Suck my ass.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the thing.

[Steph Tolev]

Like, I don't know what to tell you. I have a hot boyfriend. He loves it. He loves. He loves me.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's all.

[Steph Tolev]

You think some hot don't care what you think. But it's like. It's just so repetitive that it gets to the point where you're like. Because in my head, I'm like, whatever. They're jealous. Whatever you want to say.

[Ryan Sickler]

Listen, I can empathize with waking up and seeing hate all day long. Like, I can. I. That would suck.

[Steph Tolev]

And then I finally. Then I get the point where I'm like, am I ugly? I'm like, I'm not walking around. And also, it's like, it's not like I'm doing comedy where I'm on stage. Like, it's so hurt being a hot girl. What am I, Jeff Dye on his Instagram being, like, so hurt being hot? No, I'm a fucking normal woman being like. I don't ever say I'm a hot. I'm like, my pussy's huge. I have a big. I'm already saying these things. And the men are like, yeah. I'm like, well, what are you talking about? I've never, like, been that comic that's like, I'm sexy. Sex sells. I'm like, buddy, if sex sells, I'm doing it wrong. I'm wearing jumpsuits, and I got a fucking mullet. I don't know what to tell you. I've done the whole thing wrong. Nothing's. Nothing's working here. Nobody wants to fuck me. And that's. That was part of my thing. I'm like, I don't want to be that kind of comic.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Steph Tolev]

Because I was probably not.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's real. It becomes you.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

If you put it out there, that's what you are.

[Steph Tolev]

Yes. It's just very. It's very.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, look here.

[Steph Tolev]

Too many. It's too many.

[Ryan Sickler]

If you want to cut this out, we can. But I've known you for a while now, and I know that just being bullied and. And stuff, you know, which I want to talk about. Can we talk about that clip you posted?

[Steph Tolev]

Okay, we'll come back to that.

[Ryan Sickler]

But when you did the epic special where we met and then late. Are we allowed to talk about this?

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah. And I was. That was the. I was.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I didn't see you for a few months or whatever I see in a green room. I want to say it might have been west side.

[Steph Tolev]

Yes, I think it was.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're like, I. I got something here. What's it called?

[Steph Tolev]

Kybella. So I got it done in my. In my double chin. Because the angle. I looked so bad on that whole special. I'm like, nobody watch that, please. Just watch me on Netflix. I lost 30 pounds for special. Hell yeah. Not eating. I'm starving. My double chin was so bad because photos are always taken from underneath, especially for women. I'm like, nobody even met. Nobody wants a photo under here or video camera under there. So I. I got this thing. It's injections in your double chin. It's like an acid and it burns away the fat. And I don't regret it. And I would do it again. I tried doing to my stomach, but didn't work as well.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can I ask you, have you done a side by side photo comparison? Did it work enough for you?

[Steph Tolev]

100.

[Ryan Sickler]

And it doesn't come back.

[Steph Tolev]

Like, obviously if we eat they the way Kybella works. I'm no doctor, but they said that it injects this like literally acid so it goes into your chin and then swells up. Like. You didn't see me after that because it was like during COVID and I was. I started wearing a mask all the time and then I was like covering it and I was like icing it. It swells up. You look like a bullfrog. It like sways around and then the acid eats away your fat cells. So it's supposed to. When your fat now travels to other parts of your body. So I'm supposed to have like fat other places. But I will say if you're a woman, especially with a. Or man. If I was a man, I just have a fucking beard. Who cares? Hide the chin. But if I was a woman, I. If I was a woman, I am a woman. The long labia is not a penis. I'm confusing people now. Great. I got a new thing they're bullying me about. Jesus.

[Ryan Sickler]

I knew it.

[Steph Tolev]

God damn. Does work for small areas of fat. So because it's a small area, it targets it. And I went. But it's not cheap. I spent like five grand. Oh, I went three times. Oh, it's not. You can't do like two little injections. It burns. It's disgusting.

[Ryan Sickler]

And it's a thing. Yeah, A procedure. You have to go for a few.

[Steph Tolev]

It's. It's the least invasive though. If you want to do like. If you want like actual like a chin tuck or like lipo, it's the least invasive. Otherwise it's like they cut. They cut from behind here, behind your ear, and they open. I looked it all up because I was like, I hated it so much. And they suck it out. But then I tried doing cut bell out of my stomach recently because I have like that gut that's just simply never going away. I'm like, I just have one. Most women do. It's not going anywhere. I had no kids. I don't know why it's there. It's there. I hate it. I don't want it there. So I tried doing it there, and it didn't really work because it's too big of an area. And I spent like $3,000 and did nothing. I was like, well, that was a waste of money. Could have put that so in the nose. Shrunk that down.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's leave our nose and our alone for now.

[Steph Tolev]

For now. It's gonna be hard.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's leave our nose and our. Let's leave that to our partner, our man who can play with your nose and your. You stop worrying about it now. If something happens where you're like, okay, this needs to be addressed, then address it. Yes, but also, we're comedians. We're not looked at for fitness and health and stuff, but we want to look nice and feel good. But make sure you're healthy.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah, no, no, I am healthy. And I want. Here's the thing. I don't think I would work this hard if I didn't have to edit my own damn clip. Staring at myself all day long. I hate this. If I was just scrolling through the Internet, I would. I'd be like, oh, you look great. But I'm like, what the hell?

[Ryan Sickler]

Judging every frame because I move so much.

[Steph Tolev]

I'm like. It's all like, chin and my gut. And I'm always, like, hunched over. I'm like, you know, whenever guys are calling me a ghoul, I'm behaving as such. It's so annoying. Just staring at myself all day long. I don't even like looking in the mirror. I get ready and I leave the house. That's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

So how does someone who's been bullied from. I mean, I know it goes back to a minimum high school, but were you bullied before that?

[Steph Tolev]

Just started in high school.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. How does someone who's bullied in high school go about putting themselves in, you know, the spotlight? Literally, to be openly bullied by everyone, not just these people that you attend or go to school.

[Steph Tolev]

I never thought of it. Well, when we started comedy, there was no fucking Internet. There wasn't this whole way to get bullied. I think if I knew now, if I started stand up, knowing this is exactly it was going to be. I don't know if I would have done it. I don't know if I would have Woken up every day to the constant hate. I started comedy where I was like, you see me live. You like me there. You come see me getting live. That's what it was. I'm 306 years old. That's how. That's how we started.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now it's like we open ourselves up to critiques on podcast, on clips, on specials, on everything.

[Steph Tolev]

Every thing we do, every crowd work clip I post, every little Women are funny. Oh, sex. Which is like. That pisses me off so bad. Every man talks about sex. Unless you're Brian Regan talking about cranberries. Every man talks about sex. Go find a fucking clip. Every man talks about sex. I'm so pissed by it. It's like, it's. That one pisses me off. I'm like, you say, I'm not funny, Whatever. So hack. I don't care anymore. But being like, all we do is talk about sex. Yeah, I do. Personally, of course, I'm a pervert. I don't give a shit's ass. Maria Bamford. I don't think she's ever even said A in her life. Like, you're putting all of us in a group when it's like, Lori Kilmartin doesn't really say, what's that, love, Laurie, who did Lori do the podcast with? Oh, my God, I'm blanking her name right now. Dork Forest. Oh, my God.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you talking about Jackie?

[Steph Tolev]

Not dirty. Like, we're talking about these people. These are not dirty comedians. Like, stop grouping us all in. I feel bad for them. I'm like, anyways, whatever. It's annoying. But speaking of. Okay, so what? I. It sucks. Because what I wanted to talk about on this podcast.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Steph Tolev]

Is that I had a very, very, very bad relationship, but I don't think I'm allowed to talk about it. But I can say, women, trust your instincts when you're dating somebody. And you should always believe women. And you should 100% Google who you're dating. Because I broke up with him and then I got DMs from other women claiming horrendous shit he had done to them. So all this to say, I am friends with his ex wife now, who did take him to court for something quite large anyways. And I've never felt more sick in my life. So I wanted to discuss this. But apparently men who are bad can just continually get away with things, because that's just how the system works, I guess. But just make sure you. You really Google. Because I was in a really bad place after that. I was in like, a. I was done. I was like, I don't know if you saw me. Then I was like, I had just lost a bunch of weight. Then this first. I lost a bunch of weight in a long time. I was feeling so good on myself at a weird low point where I had, like. I'd been treated like by a bunch of men before that. And I finally, like, got to it. I think I talked to you how I was, like, almost raped last time I was here, and I was, like, just getting over, and there's all these other horror, horrible guy things. And this, like, mentioned, like, dog out here. And I finally was like, here we go. Found somebody. And then it ended up being worse than any guy I had ever been with. And I was like, dear God, no. So I was at, like, my lowest. And then I met Jefferson at a show.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is what I wanted to ask you. Prior to Jefferson or all these men you're meeting through online. Yeah. So it is a crazy show.

[Steph Tolev]

It's. I have met a couple nice guys. I will say there's a couple guys I met that I'm actually like. When I stand.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you doing on here?

[Steph Tolev]

Like, Like, I think when it first started, those people were, like, normal. I think now it's just like, people are getting so desperate. They've been there for so long. And I think the way you get treated on the apps, you're constantly ghosted and like. Like, literally tossed away like you're fucking nothing. So then you do that to other people because you're so fucking used to being treated like that. It's this whole. It's a bad, bad, bad cycle. So I'm like, I'm. I can't believe when I met Jefferson, I was on the apps for women. I was like, I'm done with men. I don't trust them. I can't find losing trust in a whole gender, which I didn't want to do this, but this person sucked the soul out of my life. And I was like, I will never trust a man again. I can't believe how I feel. Sold so much of my merch. Money that pissed me off the most.

[Ryan Sickler]

He stole.

[Steph Tolev]

Oh, yeah. He would, like, sell my merch in the road. I remember people being like, in Vancouver. I remember. I'm like, I thought I sold a bunch of stuff. And people like, I give you cash. I'm like, cash? He'd be, what cash? Like 20 bucks. I'm like, I was, whatever. I just. Getting your trust taken away that much by somebody, it's. It's very hard. It's very hard to get it back. And then I was like, slowly, like, maybe thinking of dating women because I'm like, I can't do this. I can't fucking look at a man. And then I met Jefferson, and it was so organic.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, you really did consider dating women?

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah, I did. A woman before.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so it wasn't a thing years ago. I hear you, but I was always. But it wasn't something that was unfamiliar to you where you're like, fudge it. I'm just going to go the other way.

[Steph Tolev]

Well, I was going to force it. Yeah. I'm, like, attracted to women, but it's very specific women. It's not like all women. I'm like, seeing them. Like when, you know a Hawkeye with something, it's. A Hawkeye with a women is like one out of like 500. I'm like, God, that woman's gorgeous. Like, it's more like that. So I was ready to give up. I'm like, I'm done. Or not even, like, even date. I was like, the idea of even trying to date somebody, I'm like, I don't care. And then I met organically. So organic.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the thing.

[Steph Tolev]

Unbelievable. Unreal. He was. We met at a show. He saw me live. Liked what he saw live, which is unheard of. The amount of men that I. I would only have, like, I had sex with like a couple. I don't say groupies, but, like, fans, which don't do that. Big mistake on that front. They are psycho. I, I slept with one guy in, in Florida. And after a show, after a show. And it was like, you know, we had, it was, I thought it was me one night stand. I was like, whatever, I'm never here. Ended up kind of like, you know, we talked a bit. And then I was like, this is get coming a little too much for me. I gotta tone it down a bit here. And he's like, oh, send me. I, I. He got merch, but didn't fit him. So I'm like, all of a sudden, he's the right size. So I sent it from the Comedy Store address. He receives it. He goes, what? The Comedy Store address? You don't trust me? You can't send it from your home address. And I was like. And my heart, like, dropped. I was like, oh, this is weird. That's a weird thing to say. And I'm like, ah, I, I gotta. This is done. And he's like, I was gonna move for you. I. For me, don't move anywhere for me. We're not. Move where?

[Ryan Sickler]

And I was like, on them. You put that labia on them.

[Steph Tolev]

Like the label too much.

[Ryan Sickler]

You put that labia.

[Steph Tolev]

Autumn, that freaked me out. I got like, I can't bring your.

[Ryan Sickler]

A game to something like that.

[Steph Tolev]

No, it was done. So I was like, I'll never ride to Florida. Florida and me are finny foe. I hate Florida. The whole state. I'm done. I'm. I'm. I'm joking. The state of Florida. I will. People keep asking to go back to Florida. I'm not going back to Florida. I hate Florida. Florida's out. But then, I mean, I met Jefferson, and I'm very happy. And it's. It's such a nice learning curve to, like. I just feel weird sometimes because it's. I've never been happy in my relationship and in my career. This is the first time ever. And I'm. It's scaring the out of me because I'm so used to, like, talking. Like, a lot of my fans who I got originally were me talking about I was single and how men are and how we can treat like dog shit. Like, making fun of the apps and all that. And now I'm like, oh, I'm happy. And I'm, like, wildly in love. And I've never been with someone that I felt this close to or this connected to. Like, I've never. Whatever. Anyways, back to the bully thing. So hilarious that this is like. It's like a full circle. So last time I was on here, I told you all about my. My bully, how I was bullied in high school, all this. All this stuff. So I do a show in Toronto, my hometown, my home club, comedy bar on the damn 4th in Toronto. And I got this DM from one of. Not my bully, one of his. One of the guys who was part of the bully group. But he never bullied me. I actually had a crush on him when I was younger.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Steph Tolev]

And he ended up dating my best friend. Anyways, that's a side note. Did it hurt me? Yeah. Sucked my little. My little schnozer off my head. So I get a DM from this guy's brother going, we're in the front row. Come at us. Got VIP tickets. We. We can take it. Egging me on.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bullies back in the day.

[Steph Tolev]

So not the bullies. No. So this is confusing. So it's the bullies. Friends, brother. Friend's brother.

[Ryan Sickler]

Got it.

[Steph Tolev]

So I don't even really know the brother. I. I was like, I. I Guess he's a fan. He's a fan. I knew I couldn't use fan.

[Ryan Sickler]

But the friend you did like, you did like the bullies friend.

[Steph Tolev]

I did like the police friend.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is his.

[Steph Tolev]

He was always nice to me. He never bullied me with you. But he's good. He was in that friend group. So the brother, we're here. So I peek out, and I see them two bald heads sitting in the front. I go, they're actually in the front. I go, okay, fine. So I come out. I'm kind of doing my crowd work. If you've seen my comedy, you know, I'm gonna ask you whatever the. If you're sitting in the front row. People sit in the front row to be asked these questions. They're ready to say to me, that's my whole thing. Come. People literally DM me being like, my husband's the front row. He's so ugly. Make fun of him. I get like, crazy like that. I'm like. I'm denied. He is ugly, but I'm not going to say anything. It's bizarre. So I'm like, okay. So I come out, I start kind of doing crowd work with them, whatever, and I see the one guy who I know. I go, you. I go, are you still friends with my high school bully? He goes, I am. I go call him up. And he goes, well, I go give him a call. So he takes his phone out, phones him, hands me the phone. So all this is filmed. So I'm, like, shaking. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, I'm actually gonna confront my fucking high school bully after 20 years of me holding on to this for no reason. A refresher. He. Okay, so he did slap me across the face and tell me to take off my Halloween mask. He. It was really.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's not just bullies.

[Steph Tolev]

No, no.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was physically.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah, he physically assaulted me. It was. It was hell, and I would never forget it. And anyway, so I picked up the phone and I'm holding it to the mic. I go, hello? And he goes, if this isn't. And says, that guy's name who handed me the phone. And I go, actually, no, it's not him. It's Steph Tola. Remember me? And he goes, steph Tolev. I remember. And I'm like, well, you know, you remember that you bullied me for so and so years. And he's like, no, no. I go, you did, man. And you fucking slapped me across the face. So I'm gonna take off my Halloween mask. That's why I've been holding on to this. And I'm like. And I'm like, shaking. And he's like, I'm like, I think you owe me an apology. And he's like, well, oh, yeah, of course I'm sorry. You could tell he was like, nervous. And it's like, obviously he's gonna apologize. He's not a fucking psychopath. I'm obviously in a live show. Everyone's cheering in. Like, you're always going to apologize. So whatever. He apologizes, I go, thank you. Need to hear that. Whatever. Hang up, hand him back his phone. I post the clip. I cut the clip. I post the clip.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've seen it.

[Steph Tolev]

Well, you've seen an edited version.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh.

[Steph Tolev]

Because I posted the clip where it said if this is. And I kept the name of whose phone it was in it scom.

[Ryan Sickler]

Joe.

[Steph Tolev]

Joe. If this isn't Joe, that's. That part was in there. I say the bully's full name, I post the clip. It's going more viral than any clip I've ever had in my life. By the time I opened my phone again, I was at like 50k in like 25 minutes. And I was like, whoa, that's crazy viral. That's next level. Joe's brother slides into my DMs. Take down the clip. You name my fucking brother. Take it down. I go, but your brother's not the bully. Your brother handed me the phone. Your no one thinks your brother's a bully. Your brother's. Your brother helped me. Yeah, you rather help. Your brother helped me. He's not a bully. I said the bully's name. Did the bully say anything? Not a peep. Not a. The bully has not still to this day has not said a word. He was laughing about it. He was telling all his friends. They were all sharing it around, saying, this is me. Haha. No comment. The brother of Joe, Joe's brother, who I'm pissed off at, was like, take it down. I will get my lawyer involved. You're saying his name. I go, I didn't even fucking say his name. The bully said his fucking name. And why the fuck did you sit in the fucking front of my show? You egged me on. You fucking came at me. And then I say. And then I do something. And you're like, I'm gonna get my lawyer involved. So then I had to call my fucking lawyer. And I'm like, I. I'm like, I'll go to court. You think I won't go to court? I've Already been in the Canadian judicial system. I'll go back. I was arrested for assault. I'll go back. You think I won't?

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, you got arrest.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah. So I'll say, go back. I don't give a. It's nothing. They don't do anything. They're gonna slap me in the wrist. They're gonna go, sorry, I'm gonna leave. I'll go back. It was so annoying. I was, like, so stressed out. So I deleted the clip, reposted it, edited out the name, edited out the name. I guess I should have edited, but I. I was like. In my head, I was like, this. No one's coming for him. He's like, everyone already saw it. People are messaging him about what? He didn't do anything. He handed me the fucking phone. He's literally the hero in this situation. And I wasn't like, I was not rude to him. Like, he. I shook his hand after him, like, nice to see you. Like, at no point was it, like, at all, in a way where I was like, how is this construed?

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, so of all three parties involved Joe Bully, Joe's brother, the only person who's complained or you've heard anything from is Joe's brother. Wow.

[Steph Tolev]

Isn't that bizarre?

[Ryan Sickler]

That is bizarre, especially from the two people who were directly involved.

[Steph Tolev]

Well, here's the thing. So there's a lot of detectives in Toronto. A lot of my high school friends don't have a lot going on. They can get on the Internet. So they're thinking. Because that last name was said. It's not. It's Joe's brother that may. May have some stuff flipping around out there and doesn't want him to come back.

[Ryan Sickler]

So once you Google this one, you're gonna get Joe's brother's information, and there might be something. And is there?

[Steph Tolev]

I didn't look.

[Ryan Sickler]

Toronto detectives.

[Steph Tolev]

Well, they may have logged. They may have found some, like, deep. He think. I think he might be, like, in the. He might be a police officer or something.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, he might be. I see.

[Steph Tolev]

So there's something in that realm. And that's where it got fuzzy. And I was like, okay, I took it down. I re. Edited it. He said, thank you. And I'm like. I blocked him. I'm like, you. You know, you're now no longer to see my shit. I don't want you coming to my shit, probably watching this. I don't give a shit's ass. It's so it. You knew what? Also, nobody was in harm here. I'm not slandering your brother's name in any way, shape, or form. Like, if anything, if the bully.

[Ryan Sickler]

All I did.

[Steph Tolev]

If the bully had come at me, I'd be like, fair. I didn't say his full name. I said the bully's first name. But because the. The first and last name were said from the bully, that's made it a whole ordeal. This is very confusing, but all you did was be.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I was camped in the moment first. You got a request to engage.

[Steph Tolev]

Yes, I did.

[Ryan Sickler]

You engage, you bring up a story.

[Steph Tolev]

A very traumatic event.

[Ryan Sickler]

Say, call him. You didn't force him, anyone to call him. You didn't threaten to call him. That man dialed himself immediately to me. Hands it to you.

[Steph Tolev]

Like, immediate.

[Ryan Sickler]

All you do is respectfully ask for an apology from a man. Or maybe he was a kid at the time. I don't know. Who slapped you across the face and.

[Steph Tolev]

Humiliated you in front of my entire.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you hand the phone back.

[Steph Tolev]

That's exactly what I did.

[Ryan Sickler]

Done.

[Steph Tolev]

And now I'm getting the word lawyer tossed at me.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'm like, there's nothing there.

[Steph Tolev]

There's nothing there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nothing.

[Steph Tolev]

That's what I'm saying.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let them waste all their money.

[Steph Tolev]

I was like, buddy, you think.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nothing there.

[Steph Tolev]

You think I won't go?

[Ryan Sickler]

What? We just did this little narration right here. Use that in court.

[Steph Tolev]

Literally.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's your summary right there. What happened? You were. It was a. It weren't baited. You were requested to come at us. We can take it.

[Steph Tolev]

You can take it. You want it?

[Ryan Sickler]

We can take it. We want it. It's not even both of you.

[Steph Tolev]

Neither of them looked bad. Like, that's what I'm so confused by. I was like, you guys.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you're right. There's something going on over.

[Steph Tolev]

There's something going on for sure. Because I was like, whatever. I'm like, I'm done with this. And my lawyer was like, don't. She's like, like, yeah, you would win. What am I. I'm going to court and go, this is what happened. I said nothing bad. I was hoping across his face. I never got over it at the end, but I was like, I'm not gonna. I don't have. I don't have time. If I had time, yeah, I'll fly back up to Toronto. Take me down to fucking Police Plaza.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that what they call.

[Steph Tolev]

Isn't that from, like, Die Hard? Take me down to Police Plaza. Strap me in some stirrups. Put the old judge wig on me. Take me to Judge Judy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I'd be fun.

[Steph Tolev]

That'd be fun. But I was like, what? I'm like, all of that. And that really stressed me out. And then I was so upset, I was like, oh, then like, tell them.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hey, you want to take me to court? We do it, but we do with Judge. Yeah, it ain't gonna be worth more whatever. I think they. What is Judge Judy? $2500. It's like. I think it's small claims, isn't it?

[Steph Tolev]

It probably is. I'm like, why the. So that whole thing happened that really stressed me out for no reason and pissed me off. And then now I'm like. Now I'm like hesitant to post anything. Now I'm like, there's a clip I want to post. But like, because people are also. Couldn't even see their faces. Black silhouettes from the back. No facial, nothing at all.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here's the thing I'm thinking these days, you know, when we shoot our specials, we have to put notices up that you're going to be filmed. There's a filming. I think these days every club should just have it up. Yep. Because of the existence of cell phone cameras and everything and us wanting clips as much. I think it should be up in every club. And then you're, hey, you engaged? You're fully aware it's posted all over this place. You have no legal recourse.

[Steph Tolev]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

If, you know, if you're not, there's no slander. There's no any of that.

[Steph Tolev]

There's no slander. I also. You help me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Steph Tolev]

You literally.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you. I got the apology I've been waiting for for 20 years.

[Steph Tolev]

Thank you. The person who handed me the phone, you literally. I have been waiting for that for 20 fucking years. Like, I wanted that I. That I. I felt so good. Like I was so. It's so funny because I remember I got off stage and my, like, my high school best friend Alexis was there and we were like, I can't believe you did that. My sister was there and we were all like hugging and I was like, oh, I feel so good. And then that feeling, I just came back to being like so pissed all over again. I'm like, what the hell is happening here? This is the one time that whole situation doesn't feel good about it. Now am I getting fucking threatened? This is absurd. True.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Steph Tolev]

I got changes in your life? Became, like, outgoing. I used to be, like, a quiet little titmouse. And then in, like, grade eight, I, like, really came out of my shell, and I was, like, psycho.

[Ryan Sickler]

And why were they bullying you for that?

[Steph Tolev]

Just because I was, like, loud. And then. And then guys, I guess as soon as I started talking were like, hey, your nose is big. Get her. And then it was just. That's all it was. So starting with, like, grade eight to, like, where I am now, I'm like. It's like, I thought it was going to end when I was 40 years fucking old. It's never going to end. I understand. I'm. Whatever.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's never going to end.

[Steph Tolev]

It's never going to end. So we're gonna end.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Steph Tolev]

And I'm like, I. So sick. So I lost. I. I did lose £30 for my special.

[Ryan Sickler]

You look great.

[Steph Tolev]

But this is. Thank you. But this is. This is. This is so sad. But this is why I'm like, I didn't want to look. And I've said this before, and I'll say it again, because it's. It's so sick that I have to say this. I didn't want people online to call me fat, ugly, and big nose. I'm like, let's at least eliminate the fact.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, but I'm telling you, that's the other thing, though. You could have lost £50 and they're.

[Steph Tolev]

Still gonna call me back. Someone's still gonna call you fat jacked my special. I looked fucking yoked. I. There's a shot of me from behind and I'm like, my God, my biceps are, like, fucking popping. And I'm like, jesus, look out, Rogan. I'm fucking yoked up. It's very. It was very fucked up. But now I'm like, I'm just. I. It's also hard. I'm trying to figure out a way to just. People just. Just don't read them. Ignore the comments. I'm trying to. I am trying to, but it's actually. Jefferson is very funny.

[Ryan Sickler]

He.

[Steph Tolev]

This is. At the moment I knew that. I'm like, I'm marrying this man. We were doing a meet and greet in Rochester, and I was in this long line of people, whatever. And I look over and he sells my merch for me. The best. He used to work at a farmer's market growing up. This man slings my merch. He's throwing it off the shelves, like, you want what size you want? He's like, do them. He's doing 10 transactions at once. I'm like, this is the best. So I look over and I see him talking to this guy, and I'm like, what's going on? Big conversation. I just see him, like, I can kind of see his, like, shoulders kind of going up. Like, what the hell is happening over there? So after the show, I'm like, what the was that about? He's like, nothing. Like, what was that all about? He's like, you don't want to know. It doesn't matter. Three days, he's not telling me. I'm like, I'm not going to drop it. What the was that? He's like, he was saying some rude things about you. I'm like, what do you say? And he's like, try not to tell me. I'm like, jeff, then just tell me. Like, you didn't say it. Tell me. He's like, why the is everybody lining up to see that beak? And I went, okay, actually probably wish he didn't tell me. Actually wish that one was kept inside, you know, Know. You know what? Don't. Don't let me press you anymore. But he. So rude, so rude. But then he go, it's so psychotic. Wow. I'm like, the beak really got you. And then he goes, he, like, whispered.

[Ryan Sickler]

You were like, I didn't need to know that.

[Steph Tolev]

But then he goes, I should have listened. This is the one time, like, you know what? I. You know what? Maybe I'm not always right. Maybe you are right more than I am. But he said. He like, I. He's. I'm like, what did you do? He's like, well, I told him he has five seconds to get out of my face or his family's gonna find him in a ditch.

[Ryan Sickler]

Over there slinging.

[Steph Tolev]

And then he immediately, the guy, like, ran out. And I was like, well, this is why I love you, because you would kill somebody for me. I was like, this is why, my sweet, precious angel. Yeah. But I was like, it's, it's. I need to. Yeah, I need to not. I tried to like my. Yeah, I try to, like, you know, get off it, but it's not, it's. It's never gonna go away. I just have to accept it. I'm like, I know because I see, like, people comment like Sarah Silverman, and I think she's so pretty. And I'm like, she ugly fella. I'm like, okay, well, this is bizarre.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, she's gorgeous. And else it doesn't matter. All these ladies, Nikki, Whitney, I mean, I'm sure non stop they're getting how ugly they are.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah. And which is. Buddy, we're. We're putting in the work here.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And then you look at the thumbnail of that guy or whatever, you're like, you're 600 pound. This is, this is their life, though.

[Steph Tolev]

It's never. I've been trolled, definitely by good looking guys, but it's never like the majority. I'd say 90% of the men that troll me are like, obese and clearly alone or like the ones that are the worst. When dads troll me and their photos of them with two girls, and I'm like, are you.

[Ryan Sickler]

You get that?

[Steph Tolev]

Oh, the other day I literally just screenshot this guy. Maybe. I literally. I got to stop doing this thing. I got to stop doing it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Putting them on blast.

[Steph Tolev]

I go, this you. And I zoom in on this guy. Give a fuck about his face. This guy comments. Wow, look at that fucking nose. How could you look at anything else? And then I clicked on it and I went to his profile and it's him. And his profile is him with two little girls. And I wanted to, like, I wanted to personally message him, be like, hey, man, this is so poor. Judgment like, you look stupid. Please don't teach your children to be like this. Please, God, don't. Like, go. Also, whenever I see a. Like a husband or like a father, I'm like, this time you're spending trolling me could be with your children.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's right.

[Steph Tolev]

Well, the worst one I ever had. And I. I don't. I said it on something before, right? But it was Christmas morning. I'll never forget this. This man. Christmas morning, 9am I got on my Facebook this ugly. This ugly trans or something, and I clicked on his thing and all his photos are his wife and him with the kids. I'm like, like, you're telling me your kids are opening presents Christmas morning? And you go, what's that, sweetie? Hold on a second. Just one second, you ugly trans. Oh, yeah, Santa brought that one. Isn't that cute? Yeah, he ate the cookies. You dumb. Like, how crazy is that, grandma? Yeah, that's. That's from Meemaw. Write her a letter. Tell her he said, thank you. We love her. We'll see you later tonight, you fat slut. Like, it's so crazy whenever they have kids, I'm like, I get the ones that are alone and like, you know, just sad and maybe want to do comedy, whatever the. They want to do those ones. I'm like, whatever. The second there's children involved, especially little girls, I'm like, please stop, please. Because you're going to act like this and call and. And then if you're doing this like this, how are you talking to your wife?

[Ryan Sickler]

That's right.

[Steph Tolev]

How.

[Ryan Sickler]

In front of your kids. That's exactly right. And not only that, if someone did that to your daughter, are you going to be the type of father that defends her? Or you're the one that's just like, yeah, yeah, lol.

[Steph Tolev]

She's a fat Doritos. That. What are you talking about? Yeah, like, that's why, like, luckily my dad was like, crazy angry and angry as hell growing up. He's always yelling, he's screaming. He's a psychopath. He's got an anger problem. But never was. Like, your mom's a. Like, it was never that. He never, like, talked down to my mom together.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or they were. Oh, they were.

[Steph Tolev]

They're still.

[Ryan Sickler]

They. Oh, they still are. Okay.

[Steph Tolev]

Shouldn't be still are. But that they. He never, like, did that. I. I was around yelling all the time and him getting mad for no reason. But it was never, like, directed at, like, my mom being a dumb or like, stupid or, like, ugly. Like, nothing. Like that. So I'm like, thank God. I mean, thank God. The yelling was one thing, but that would have been hell if it was that on top of it. So that's. It's just. If you're listening, just. Just find a better hobby. It's become a hobby for these people. And I was scared to go and read it because I was like, I post clips and then I, like, write some comments and they're so nice. I was like, oh. Because the problem is then it takes away from all these nice comments. I get it takes away from all this nice, like, really sweet people who are relating to my comedy and thanking me for what I do. And then I'm like, I want to. Those are the ones. I want to sit in my head.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the thing. It's human nature to get 10,000. We love you, Steph. We're so funny. Steph, you're beautiful, Steph, you're beautiful stuff. One 350 pound pool guy with nine followers is like, yeah, nose sucks. And you're like, yeah.

[Steph Tolev]

You're like, damn it.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what lives in there.

[Steph Tolev]

And especially on, like, Jordan's podcast, I was so, like, vulnerable, telling these, like, horrible stories.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, the Internet's a dick. I always say the Internet's a dick and it's unforgiving. So for anyone like ourselves to come bear our souls.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

We're not just. We're not putting our. We're exposing ourselves physically while we bear ourselves just for people just to be like, you guys suck. I hate your laugh. We hate your face.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah, it's like psycho. Oh, God. Well, I don't. I also don't want to think about it. I feel like all I do is talk about it, but I'm like, it's just so. It's just in my face all the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can we shift gears? They're gonna make fun of that joke right there. In your face all the time. Say your nose.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can we shift gears back to the dating stuff without getting into what you can't get into? But talk to me about that. Let's talk. Educate people on this online dating stuff. So prior to this, you had never googled someone before going on a date with them?

[Steph Tolev]

No. And this. The problem was this one also was in person. This wasn't on.

[Ryan Sickler]

I only say that. Okay. I only say that because one time is, this is. Man. This is years ago. I don't even know if my daughter was born yet. But my buddy was on a site called Plenty of Fish and he lives in Temecula. And his daughter was at her mom's. They're divorced. And he's putting this, her Christmas gift together. It's just Disney Princess castle. It's like the size of this room. It's massive. And it's going in his house. He's like, will you come down? He's like, newly devoured. I'm like, yeah. So I go down and we're putting this thing together, and I just. His laptop's on, like, the kitchen island. And I just keep hearing this ding. Yeah, what is that? And he's like, oh, that's a. A request. I'm like, oh, wait, somebody's fishing over there right now. He's like, yeah. I go, how's this work? He goes, well, somebody just requested me. I go, well, goes now. P.S. it is pouring rain outside. I mean, pouring rain outside. It's like Friday night, 10 o' clock. We're drinking and smoking, putting this castle together. I go, go look. And he goes over and it's this lady. And he tells her, this is who I am right now. There are two men in the house. He's being up front like, it's my friend from childhood. This is who we are. Whatever.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So she disappears for a little bit. Then she's like, what if I grabbed a bottle of wine and came over and helped you guys put the castle together? And I'm like, this is craz. I would tell my daughter, don't you dare go to a house where you're outnumbered.

[Steph Tolev]

No, outnumbered is crazy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Outnumbered. Crazy, right? So she. And it's also pouring down rain. I mean, you should not be driving type rain.

[Steph Tolev]

Never met him in prison before.

[Ryan Sickler]

We had. We were putting the castle together, heard a ding on the computer. The one thing is never that ding is about to turn into a real person at the door. And I can't. I can't get over it. I don't. Online date. I've never even been on one site. You'll never see my name on any of these things. My daughter's mom checked me on. What was that big one? Ashley Madison.

[Steph Tolev]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And it ended up actually being like, dudes catfishing dudes the whole time anyway, you know what I mean? But she went and looked. I go, why are you looking for my name on there? She's like, well, my friend looked for her husband and he was on there. I said, I saw him at the birthday party. You want to ask your mask?

[Steph Tolev]

You got caught. Bad boy over here.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I can't get. And I'm telling him, like, okay, Also, like, first of all, this lady's safe. She doesn't know it, but she's safe. Coming here.

[Steph Tolev]

We're.

[Ryan Sickler]

We're the nicest people. We're not going to hurt you. If anything happens, we'll protect you. But she doesn't fucking know.

[Steph Tolev]

You don't know that.

[Ryan Sickler]

She doesn't know that at all. So I can't. I'm like, you gotta be kidding. How long? 30 minutes.

[Steph Tolev]

She was ready to go. She was just on there waiting to be invited somewhere.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I guess I don't know about all of them, but I guess you can do, you know, in your area.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Certain amount of radius or whatever. So knocks on the door and we're both looking at each other. I'm like, there's no way. This lady comes over and you know your photos, she looks just like her photos, nice as can be. Pops a bottle of wine. I go, I gotta ask you, like, you know this is psychotic, right? She's like, well, yes, but I have a friend who's a teacher, and I guess they have some kind of teacher database, a database they're allowed to look through for predators and all this. So she had him run my name and his name. She goes, you came up a lot on the Internet. I started laughing.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah, okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

She's like, so you're popular enough that I figured if anything went down, we got you. And he's clear as a bell. And I go, yeah, you're safe here. But I just think you're. I just want you to know we think you're fine. We think you're insane to come over. And then that lady sat there, helped us build the castle. They went out a few times and nothing really clicked.

[Steph Tolev]

Okay. But.

[Ryan Sickler]

But it was nice parting.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

But I couldn't get over that.

[Steph Tolev]

See that? Okay, that's.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's crazy.

[Steph Tolev]

That's crazy.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's crazy.

[Steph Tolev]

But okay, the fact that she did put you guys through the thing, the amount of times I've gone over to.

[Ryan Sickler]

People, that's what I was saying. She did scream before she came. And she had more than Google. You're not gonna find him on Google. You'll find me on Google, but you're not gonna find him. No, you know what I mean? He could be lying that I'm there. You get over there. Where's your friend? Oh, he's upstairs. Or he ran to the store and got something real quick and I'm never there. Yeah, you don't know anything.

[Steph Tolev]

You don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

There could have been 10 guys there in that House ready to kill.

[Steph Tolev]

You don't. You don't. At night, going alone. Like I'm. You ain't getting that horror film stuff, ladies. You need to meet somebody in person, in a very public area.

[Ryan Sickler]

Amen.

[Steph Tolev]

Like, it's I and I. Look, I've done it before. I've. I've. I've gone over to someone's house before like that.

[Ryan Sickler]

You have?

[Steph Tolev]

I have. I did. I remember one time in Saint John, Newfoundland. I remember I met this. We were just. I was chat. I remember. And I remember what I was doing a festival out there. I was just doing a club out there, and I remember the booker. We're all at dinner. I'm like, I gotta go. I'm gonna go take a cabo to meet this guy. And they're like, what? And they're like, what are you talking about? Stuff that's like an hour away. I'm like, oh, no, he's good looking. I got in this car. This is the worst part. I get in this cab. This female's driving me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Never met this guy.

[Steph Tolev]

Never met this guy. I'm in the car.

[Ryan Sickler]

How long you been talking to him?

[Steph Tolev]

That. That. That day. That day, I get. I get in the car, cab. This is cap. This is like, not even back then. And I remember on the way there, this woman goes, I know this area. I know this house. You're not getting out. I'm not letting you out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Steph Tolev]

She's like, I'm not. I. I know this. One of his brothers. Someone did something bad. I'm not letting you. After an hour drive, we get there. She's like, I'm not letting you out of the car. And I'm like, I'm getting out of the car. So I'm texting him.

[Ryan Sickler]

This lady knows the neighborhood from an hour away, Steph.

[Steph Tolev]

And I go, she's not letting me out. So he comes out. And then she's like, okay, it's not him. I think it's his brother. She goes, I'm gonna wait here. She'll give you my phone number if you need anything, I'll come back and pick you up. And I was like, okay. So I give her my car. I see her card, and I was like, the. And she's like. She's like. And then he was like, that lady's crazy. And I'm like, of course.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm like, why do you know that? Yeah, why are you coming from an hour away? Why do you know that?

[Steph Tolev]

I don't know. And then we definitely hooked up pretty good. I Don't lie to you. But then the next morning, he's like, I'll drive you back into the city. And we go outside and he's, oh, watch your head. There's blood. And I'm like, what? And I opened the door, and he's got all these dead deer hanging. No, dripping and dripping. It looked like a horror house. I was like, I look up, there's just eyes, like, open tongues. I was like, oh, my God. We get in the car, the whole back, he's like, okay. I'm like, I'm good. Yeah. And he's like, maybe we should hang out tonight, too. I'm like, I think I'll be okay after that. It was so scary. It was the house of horrors. And I was like, it was also the house of horrors inside the night.

[Ryan Sickler]

He just made me think of a story. I'll tell you what, about a deer involved, too. So a friend of mine back home, she calls me. This is again, years ago. We're probably in college. She's like, oh, my God, Ryan. I went out on a date last night with this guy. And this is the 90s. There's no real date inside. The Internet's not even a thing yet. I go, what happened? She goes, went over to his house, and Friday night, and he's like, what do you want to do? And I was like, I don't know. We can just go to Blockbuster and get a movie, Remember? So they're out in the county, and he's in a pickup truck. Truck. And he's got his rifle back, you know, in the truck on the window. Like back in the day, a lot of people did.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You could drive to school back in the day, our school, with your shotgun in there, if you had permits and all. It wasn't a big deal then. So it's night, and they're driving out of his, like, driveway, and there's fields as they're going. And all of a sudden, she said, he slams on his brakes. He grabs the rifle, he puts it across her, out her window, fucking kills a deer. Okay, listen, Blockbuster's. Blockbuster's over now. He goes and gets the deer. He drags the bloody deer up on the hood. He turns around, he takes it back up to the house, and now he's gonna gut it and everything. She's like, I think I'm gonna.

[Steph Tolev]

I'm. You know, I'm gonna go home. This guy would rather kill a deer and gutter than get some. Jesus.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not out here. Thrust her out her window of fire.

[Steph Tolev]

I Would have. That's up. I would have freaked the out. She's like, there's, like, gunshot residue on her. Just seeing this man, just, like, casually.

[Ryan Sickler]

She's like, what the are you doing?

[Steph Tolev]

Was it like a first date?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, this was their first date. They were just gonna go chill at Blockbuster because his family was home, and she felt safe going back to the house.

[Steph Tolev]

Yeah. Jesus.

[Ryan Sickler]

He's like, I think I'm just gonna.

[Steph Tolev]

Get out of here. No one can be trusted. It you simply. I. If you can. I know there's a thing where you can put someone's cell phone number in. There's an app. I wish I knew what it was, but you can put it. It's on the Internet. You can put your number in and, like, a bunch of stuff will come out about them.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, my. So my friend, the same guy who got divorced and was. We were putting the castle together, his wife was cheating on him, and he knew it, but he couldn't get proof. So we got the proof we needed. I can tell you about that later. But we got the proof we needed legally. And then he came to my place, and this is at the time I'm with my daughter's mom. This is probably, you know, 10 years ago. And he comes to stay with us for a couple nights just to get away from the madness. And he's like, I just wish I knew. Like, I know his name, but who is he? And blah, blah, blah. And my ex goes, give me your credit card. Steph Tolaev. In five minutes, she had this dude's name, work address, home address, work number, home number, cell number, his wife's name, number, address, for $25. And I was like, you just got all that? And she's like, yep, here's where his wife lives. Here's where his wife works. Here's where he lives. Here's where he works. Well, he contacted his wife, and she thanked them. They. They still keep in touch every now and then because these two married each other and went on and left. She left her family. He left his.

[Steph Tolev]

They did. They married each other. They cheated.

[Ryan Sickler]

Married and they met through a video game, an online video game. They cheated, they married. And I looked at my daughter's mother, and I was like, I'm never cheating on you. You just found all that out in five minutes? She's like, yeah, for 25. But that's the thing. Thing that for a fee is out there for all of us. Oh, yeah, all of us. It's so much out.

[Steph Tolev]

Some of it is also not a Fee, it's called Google and it's, you can find, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So that's the other thing. If it's public you can find it. But if it's not, if they're a super creep, you gotta be careful. But that's a really good idea is.

[Steph Tolev]

Screening them before screening before you go anywhere. And I always FaceTime I always made sure I FaceTime them before I met.

[Ryan Sickler]

A out meet up like the day before or day so you know what they look like.

[Steph Tolev]

Immediately get their phone number and I'm like, you know, it's good to have the number because otherwise they can like ghost you whatever on the, on the apps. I remember one time, I remember was so up and I, I, I think I'm right, I think I'm, I think I have a pretty good head on my shoulders. I, I, I, I always take in my environment, I can see everything. Like if there's ever like a robbery, I'll be like, the guy had a switchy eye and a mustache and three earrings. I know everything. So I was stood up this one night and I think the guy was there and I think he was getting off on watching women come and not, I think his thing was he would invite a woman somewhere and then show.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then watch it from across the street or something.

[Steph Tolev]

Watch it from like in or like he wasn't him. The photos wasn't him. So I matched this guy. Remember he was like playing baseball in those photos. Look good looking. Like he was like a Mexican looking guy, very cute, younger, nice skin. And I remember I was like, he's like, okay. When we hear him like this is gonna go to my house. I met at what's that bar, Jay's bar in Silver Lake.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yep.

[Steph Tolev]

Close to my house. I'm like, let's go somewhere convenient. Had a couple drinks where I got there. I like to be a little loose. And I remember going up to the bar and I sat down and on the way there in the Uber, he unmatched me and I went okay, okay, calm down. So I walked in the bar and I sat down like right when I got out of the Uber I'm like, oh, what is he. I'm like, what is the time's he gonna be here? I was like, I'm here. And I was like, I'm here. I'm like, like the message is gone. And I'm like, okay. And we've been talking for like five days, making plans, like, checking into me, like a lot of messaging through the app. So I sit down and this guy looks at me at the end of the bar. Big guy, fat, ugly, like, just like gross man. I just see him looking at me at the end of the bar and I was like. And the way he looked at me was like, he knows me. And I'm like, okay. So I order a drink and I'm like, I. My eyeballs are. I'm on the verge of sobbing. Like, I. This thing is like the third time I've been stood up. But this, this felt like even more specific. And I was like, stand ordered a glass of wine. And I was like, okay. And I go, yeah, I'm good. And he's like, are you okay? You sure? And I'm like. And I remember because I've been in that bar a lot, so I think he recognized me. He's like, he let me know if anything. I'm like, oh, I'm good. Drank wine. I like, brought my notebook out. I pretended I was like, journaling and I was like, in my head, I'm like crying. I'm like, I'm gonna kill myself. So I was like, so upset. I clocked this guy and I like, I paid for my bill and I like, sat there and I enjoyed my wine. And then I like, went on my phone for a second and I like, I walked out. I called an Uber and I'm like, I know that the way the guy looked at me, it was him. He was. He had a fake account and he just wanted to get off. And just watching women come. And then I got the Uber ride home was the best because I get in the car and the second the door closed, I start bawling, just like, I'm so upset. And it's just like, I don't even know what the accent was. He sounded like the Swedish chef. He's like, oh, my God, no. What's the problem? And I was like, it was like kind of laughing. I'm like, I just got stood up and say, why would anyone do anything to you? You're blood of a Walmart. And I'm like, this guy is a. He's crazy. I'm like, you need to stop right now, please. He dropped me out. He was actually very sweet. He's very nice Uber driver. But I was like, it was so up. It was, okay, I have a nice knife. I'm like, you gotta. You leave. But I'm like, that's the first time I ever felt like they were there. Something stood up a bunch is like, you know, like, those are the words when you go there. I'm like, who is the time to.

[Ryan Sickler]

Plan all this and sit there.

[Steph Tolev]

And sit there.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're really putting the time in. No effort but the time.

[Steph Tolev]

Oh, yeah. So much time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Isn't that weird?

[Steph Tolev]

Weird.

[Ryan Sickler]

All time, no effort.

[Steph Tolev]

All time, no effort.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know what that's like.

[Steph Tolev]

A lot of time. You put a lot of effort in. But now I'm happy and I never. I want to marry Jefferson so badly.

[Ryan Sickler]

You do?

[Steph Tolev]

Oh, yeah. We talk about all the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

How long you been together now?

[Steph Tolev]

Year and a half.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's the longest relationship for you?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Seriously?

[Ryan Sickler]

Seven years. That's long.

[Steph Tolev]

But I was young. 19 to 24. Very young. We had a college. But this is the first time I've ever felt. I've never felt this in love with anyone before. Like, the way I look at him, the way I think about him all the time. Like, I never. Anyone I dated, I never felt like this. This is, like, beyond. I'm like, was that. Was I ever in love before? I felt like it was like. Young love, I think, is one thing, but, like, when you get to this age, there's like, I'm, like, infatuated with him in a way that's like, I'm so. I've also never dated somebody that I've been so impressed with his talent. Like, it's such a turn on. I'm like, God, he plays the piano. I'm like, jesus Christ. I'm, like, soaked. I'm like, this is, like, insane watching you. He's so funny too. Like, I've never dated where everyone is like, God, he's funny. Like, he's like, not even. It is comedy kind of, but, like, he didn't start as a comedian, but he's just like. He's funnier than half the comics I know. He's like, funny as hell. I'm lucky.

[Ryan Sickler]

You are lucky. I'm happy for you, Steph. Thank you for coming and doing this.

[Steph Tolev]

Thank you for having me. Please watch my special promote it again. Netflix on Netflix called Filth Queen, produced by All Things Comedy. If you don't like me, at least just keep it on. Just keep it. Here's the thing, too. My opening, the opening alone, it's gonna. Is gonna hook you in. My cold open is Chef's kiss. Better believe Bill's in there. Better believe old Billy Burr is in there.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love it. Good for you, Steph Tolu.

[Steph Tolev]

Thank you for having me on social.

[Ryan Sickler]

Media where they find you every.

[Steph Tolev]

Just follow me on Instagram, I'm Shadow band and everything else at Steph Toe Lev. Do not follow me on Tick Tock. I don't, I can't post anything because I made a bunch of bully. A guy was making fun of me saying I was ugly. So I screenshotted his comments and I was reading his comments and I got dinged for harassment and bullying.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nah.

[Steph Tolev]

Huh. So I'm done. I'm done. So Instagram at Steph Tola. Watch my special listen to my podcast, Steph Infection. Ryan's been on it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Steph Tolev]

You're coming back.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'd love to. Thank you, Steph.

[Steph Tolev]

Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you guys as well. Ryan Sickler is always on your social media. We'll talk to you all next time. Next week.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Steph Tolev]

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